How Stella Got her Groove Back (or most of it at least!)

Wow. What a difference a day makes. It’s amazing what a day of decent eating and exercise will do for you. I am feeling much better, much more in command of myself today.

Food: not too bad yesterday. My optimum cereal with blueberries & soy milk for breakfast. Snack was 2 lowfat string cheeses. Lunch was a Smart One enchilada suiza dinner (it was yummy!) with some cooked cabbage from the cafeteria. Afternoon snacks were an orange, and a yogurt. When I got home I had 2 more string cheeses and an O’Doul’s NA “beer”. Dinner was a vegetarian lentil soup (homemade) and cornbread. I did have 2 small pieces of corn bread, but that was my only “vice.”

Then I went to the gym and did 30 minutes on the elliptical and lifted weights for an hour. We did back, chest, and shoulders – an excellent workout. I am using 40# for db rows, and I did db flyes (flat) with 30#. Went home feeling really good.

This morning I ran 2 miles (with walk breaks – my neighborhood is hilly!). I plan to run 3 on Thursday, then starting next week I want to phase out the walk breaks – one per week.

I have a good food plan today as well. I made a terrific breakfast casserole with sautéed veggies (onion, bell pepper, garlic, mushrooms, and shredded zucchini), soy chorizo, and egg beaters (and a little 2% cheddar on top). Really good. Snack is sardines (proof I’m a freak). Lunch is leftover soup, asparagus, a tomato. Afternoon snack is an orange and half a payday bar. For dinner son & I are going out after his tutoring – we have 2 coupons and I told him he could pick. I’ll make the best choice I can. This afternoon we are going to ride our bikes in the neighborhood for a while, so I’ll get in a bit more exercise.

I’m trying to ease back into it all. We are going to do some work on a job for hubby and he is going to give us part of the money, so I will have $ for some new clothes around the first of October. I don’t want shopping to be the terrible experience it was last time, so I want to get myself mentally psyched up for it this time.

And I think I’ve got problems?

How about the men’s marathon yesterday? Sheesh – at least crazy kilt-wearing Irish guys don’t pop out of the bushes to knock me off the road while I’m running! Seriously though, who couldn’t help but feel bad for de Lima – he was fading a little anyway, but who knows how the race might have turned out? I’m glad he got a medal.

So, back to real life – mine that is. Ugh. I am really struggling (like no one has noticed that). Last year after vacation I slowly gained 10 pounds, and I am afraid it will happen again this year. If I were determined not to repeat, that would be a good thing. But I have that deer in the headlights fear that is so dis-empowering.

After a day of healthy eating Saturday, I really blew it yesterday. I just layed around watching movies, having beer & pizza with hubby. I think we just worked so hard all last week and Saturday that we just melted down. I plan to pace myself a little better this week so I won’t repeat that performance next weekend

I am going to the gym to lift weights tonight, and I will do 30 minutes on the elliptical as well. Not my cardio of choice, but its raining here, so I doubt I’ll get outside. Its tropical storm leftovers from SC.

I have absolutely nothing profound to say. I ran yesterday – only 2 miles but it felt good. I am hungry and really struggling with food. Now that the house is mostly back in order, and son has gotten back in the groove with a week of school under his belt, exercise will be easier. But the food piece continues to cause me grief, and poor choices leave me feeling sub-par, which impacts workouts. Why can’t I be one of those freaks that live to lift weights or something?

Post Vacation Reality set in

I got on the scale for the first time in … oh, 3 weeks? I gained 3 pounds on vacation. Considering I ate like a pig and drank like a fish (“Deny yourself nothing” seems to be my vacation motto), I don’t think that’s so bad.

So, I had a sugar cookie for a snack this afternoon, knowing that the party ends … now!

If I’m Making a Smart Choice, Why do I feel like a Loser???

So, this morning I told my husband I was not going to do the Baltimore marathon. I feel like a total loser. I don’t think I can get my mileage up by Oct 16th, and I do not want to injure myself trying. I can always sign up for a marathon in the spring. So why do I feel like a failure?

My house is a wreck from post vacation cleaning & re-packing. Son just started back to school yesterday. There is so much going on here, I definitely need some time to ease back into things. I know that’s being reasonable, but I still feel like I’m copping out.

The last 2 beers in the house got consumed last night by me & hubby. No more for a while. I started my supplements for my neurotransmitters and for my thyroid. I am trying to get my eating cleaned back up. I want to get the new schedule from the gym and actually take some classes. Right now I want to focus on my eating and getting in a good variety of exercise, and honestly I’ve been so focused on mileage I feel like I haven’t been really doing either of those things. I want to lose some of this weight!

Ugh.

Vacation Redux

First of all, I survived. I was not one of the people who had the novel experience of waking up with their tent and/or air mattress floating away in the white water due to the flash floods we experienced. Camping in the rain sucks. Camping in torrential downpours which occur for 3 days is something out of a disaster movie.

Everything I brought home is damp. Or muddy. Or soaked.

Nevertheless, I had a nice time. The weather was great until Wednesday night. As always, I feel like I have been away from my life for a while.

I did not run though. First I was sick. Then it was flooding and the roads were mud (4 wheel drives were getting stuck).

So, I dunno. My schedule for the marathon is seriously whacked. I don't want to push myself so hard that I injure myself trying to make up lost ground. And I've ceased to enjoy myself because I feel this pressure. Perhaps this is a goal that needs to be set aside until the spring. I think that would be the wiser approach. I hate to give up, but I want to also be realistic and not hurt myself. The race is Oct 16th and my longest run to date has been 16 miles. I don't see adding 10 miles to that in 6 weeks. Any advice for a newbie?

In other news, I finally got my thyroid results back. My thyroid works, but my body isn't utilitzing the stuff it produces. So, I start thyroid medication tomorrow.

Vacation!

Well, I have nothing profound to report. My brain has left for vacation. I am ready. I am not ready for my 18 mile run tomorrow. These suckers are getting tougher phychologically every time I do one. I dunno why. But I feel like its something I have to work through for my own sake. I am bumping up against my comfort zone limits again & again in this effort. I remember how scared I was when I did the triathlon. A part of me knows I can do this, but another part is really trying hard to argue her out of it. Weird.

In Limbo

I seem to be in a weird place. Overwhelmed by vacation preparation, the start of my son's school year, frustration regarding my weight loss being stalled out, I've been feeling like I've been circling the field or something.

This weekend I quit circling. My only exercise was a short run, and my eating was not good. But I did have a talk with hubby about eliminating certain foods from our house (for a short time) after vacation to help me build better habits. He agreed, as long as the changes were not permanent.

And I go to the doctor tomorrow. Until then, I feel paralyzed by my own frustration. I do know that going back to a lifestyle of no exercise and crappy eating is neither a solution nor an option.

The End of Summer Approaches

When I let my dogs outside this morning, the air felt cool. I love spring and summer, and utterly loathe winter (hey, I moved here from Hawaii!). I like fall, but it always makes me sad cause I know winter is coming. But after the miserable run of doom last weekend, I have to admit I was a little excited about that cool tingle in the air. I thought to myself "My 7 miler is gonna be great tomorrow!" To even have such a thought shows how much I have changed.

Last November for some absolutely stupid reason I decided to do a sprint distance triathlon. This came at random pretty much. Several bloggers had done/were doing them. Women that had started where I had, or with even more weight to lose. And I was getting bored & frustrated.

If you have told me when I began this insanity that after all the work, this summer I would weigh exactly what I did last summer, I probably never would have begun. And don't get me wrong, I still have pounds to go. But I look different. My clothes fit different. I feel different about myself. And I feel better.

Last summer I hadn't run since October of 1994 (near the beginning of my pregnancy). I thought I would never run again. And it feels good. Yes, I still want to lose weight. I need to lose weight. But I do feel better. And my eating is better. Far from perfect (or I'd be at goal), but better.

I have to remember that there is no expiration date, a day I must be at goal or all is lost. As long as I keep moving, its never lost.

Just checking in

Vacation related stress is resolved. Preparation is continuing, we will be prepared. I went totally off plan Tuesday night, but I picked myself up and got back with it. Two mile run this morning felt good. Morning weather is starting to cool down a bit. While I don’t look forward to fall (only because it means winter is that much closer!), it has made morning runs more pleasant.

I get my test results for my thyroid etc next Tuesday. I am hoping she finds something – I know that sounds weird, but I will be so glad to know that I’m not cursed to remain pudgy forever, which is how I’m starting to feel.

Free Floating Hostility

Why is it that some people have to have drama? What is the deal with that? Why can I not have a drama free vacation? It has already begun and we aren’t even there yet. I am too old to have high school-ish stress surrounding my vacation.

"There are plenty of difficult obstacles in your path. Don't allow yourself to become one of them." - Ralph Marston

Bodybuilding at about.com (one of my favorite sites) has an article that is several pages of motivational quotes. I thought that one was good.

Last year after my August vacation (every year the world's largest medieval combat recreation takes place in Pennsylvania in August and we go) I gained 10 pounds. I'm not gonna do that this year. I may not be losing, but I'm not gaining. And I'm not exactly starving myself. So its time to stop being angry about it.

Bitter

That says it all. After a week of faithful exercise, tightly controlled portions during the week (1500 – 1600 calories a day), and a weekend of improved eating…. Nothing. No change on the scale. Ugh.

On the other hand, I bench pressed 130 pounds yesterday. I stopped there, so I dunno if I could have made 135. So, improvement has been made in my upper body over the summer.

I am going out for sushi with my hubby tonight. I may even have a REAL beer when we get home.

Run this morning was good. 3 miles, and I really pushed on 2 or 3 of the run segments. It felt good – nice and breezy. Thank you hurricane Alex!

I bet Hell is Humid

Okay, the run report: Whoa. Major humidity, which burned off and became major heat. What a rough run. I made it 14 miles and called it quits (I planned an extra 3.5). Although I am on the low end mileage –wise for my long runs now, I can still in okay shape for being prepared for the marathon, unless something else comes up. These long runs are starting to get very tough. 14 miles feels like my upper limit. I am getting very nervous. I’m not sure I can do this.

Food was much better this weekend. I ate extra Friday and Sunday, but ate clean Saturday before my Sunday run. We’ll see if it makes any difference on the scale.