More on my last post
Chris asked some good questions in his comment on my last post. Rather than tuck the answers away there, I thought I would do a follow up post.
First off, let me say that I have never had an eating disorder. I do occasionally suffer from “disordered” eating. It’s not just semantics – I think many many people suffer from bouts of “disordered eating” from time to time in this country. Just like partying in college doesn’t necessarily make you an alcoholic, but the behavior isn’t good either.
Yes, I have been in counseling in the past to deal with some of the underlying issues. Some of it is there, some of it is just the fact that I have the kind of personality that makes it easy for me to turn to food for comfort. It is something I am very conscious of, but I still get caught in the trap from time to time. Overall I have made a lot of progress, but even with vigilance I still “fall” sometimes. I just move on, since it can’t be undone. But I don’t put it out of my head – I use it as a learning opportunity. Just like practicing a new skill – every mistake teaches me some new things.
When I am going to binge, I prefer beer and dark chocolate and cheese. Yes, I will consume all three pretty much together. Weird. Popcorn is good too, probably because it is one of the few “snack” foods that is allowed to exist in my home.
Monday, February 28, 2005
Econ 101
So, I had a binge yesterday. A series of unfortunate events (being tired, getting caught out in the middle of errands at lunchtime, and a husband that uses food as reward & comfort, for both himself and me) came together, with predictable results. I’m not blaming it on my husband, but he does make it more difficult to stop when these things happen. He means well, but it still makes it tough.
In economics, the phenomenon of why the 6th beer doesn’t taste as good as the first is known as “diminishing marginal utility”. In a nutshell, when you eat something you receive “utility” – pleasure and getting full. With each additional thing you eat, you receive less and less until you stop consuming. Economics presumes “rational” behavior. So, at first glance, a binge appears to be an irrational act. Let’s face it – you do get less and less pleasure from the food the more you eat, and once you are full the food actually begins to make you feel bad. Where is the rationale in continuing to eat?
That’s where it helps to understand “utility” – a made up unit of measure to describe whatever positive “stuff” you get from consuming. Consuming, food, education, books, whatever. You spend time, money, effort, whatever. Most people think the “utility” we get from food is the pleasure of eating as well as fueling up our bodies. Going beyond that point is “irrational” behavior.
The missing component here is that people fail to factor all “utility” into the equation. And the missing utility is what drives a binge. Yes, I felt worse as I consumed too much yesterday, but I also received psychological comfort from the binge. And I also understand that I receive an emotional payoff by being overweight. My fat protects me from certain things. I have come to understand that. That’s why I’ve had to lose weight so slowly – to “sneak” up on it as it were. Inching my way slowly toward my goal weight – like sneaking up on a wild animal in the forest. Trying to make myself comfortable as the scale has slowly edged downward. I still struggle with that, although it is getting better. But binging comforts me emotionally – which is why getting caught out, tired and hungry, with a husband who orders me a second beer is not a good thing. I am too tired to fight at that point.
Luckily, I am getting better at protecting myself from the circumstances that lead to binge behavior. I’ve learned to rest when I get tired and not push myself to just keep going until I am finished. I’ve worked on convincing myself that the 15 pounds of fat are no longer necessary to protect myself emotionally. And I’ve taken it slowly so I don’t get scared off.
My son had a great birthday weekend, with lots of fun activities. But I have to admit, I feel like a very tired stuffed sausage! I want a salad for dinner, and maybe some nice tomato soup. I’m tired of rich food, beer, and anything with sugar. I am ready to get back to normal. And I’m already figuring out how to schedule next weekend so I don’t get so tired out that I am vulnerable again.
So, I had a binge yesterday. A series of unfortunate events (being tired, getting caught out in the middle of errands at lunchtime, and a husband that uses food as reward & comfort, for both himself and me) came together, with predictable results. I’m not blaming it on my husband, but he does make it more difficult to stop when these things happen. He means well, but it still makes it tough.
In economics, the phenomenon of why the 6th beer doesn’t taste as good as the first is known as “diminishing marginal utility”. In a nutshell, when you eat something you receive “utility” – pleasure and getting full. With each additional thing you eat, you receive less and less until you stop consuming. Economics presumes “rational” behavior. So, at first glance, a binge appears to be an irrational act. Let’s face it – you do get less and less pleasure from the food the more you eat, and once you are full the food actually begins to make you feel bad. Where is the rationale in continuing to eat?
That’s where it helps to understand “utility” – a made up unit of measure to describe whatever positive “stuff” you get from consuming. Consuming, food, education, books, whatever. You spend time, money, effort, whatever. Most people think the “utility” we get from food is the pleasure of eating as well as fueling up our bodies. Going beyond that point is “irrational” behavior.
The missing component here is that people fail to factor all “utility” into the equation. And the missing utility is what drives a binge. Yes, I felt worse as I consumed too much yesterday, but I also received psychological comfort from the binge. And I also understand that I receive an emotional payoff by being overweight. My fat protects me from certain things. I have come to understand that. That’s why I’ve had to lose weight so slowly – to “sneak” up on it as it were. Inching my way slowly toward my goal weight – like sneaking up on a wild animal in the forest. Trying to make myself comfortable as the scale has slowly edged downward. I still struggle with that, although it is getting better. But binging comforts me emotionally – which is why getting caught out, tired and hungry, with a husband who orders me a second beer is not a good thing. I am too tired to fight at that point.
Luckily, I am getting better at protecting myself from the circumstances that lead to binge behavior. I’ve learned to rest when I get tired and not push myself to just keep going until I am finished. I’ve worked on convincing myself that the 15 pounds of fat are no longer necessary to protect myself emotionally. And I’ve taken it slowly so I don’t get scared off.
My son had a great birthday weekend, with lots of fun activities. But I have to admit, I feel like a very tired stuffed sausage! I want a salad for dinner, and maybe some nice tomato soup. I’m tired of rich food, beer, and anything with sugar. I am ready to get back to normal. And I’m already figuring out how to schedule next weekend so I don’t get so tired out that I am vulnerable again.
Friday, February 25, 2005
Moving Forward
Well, the bad news is I am getting sick. Yesterday the left side of my sinuses was stopped up, and I felt like someone was jamming an ice pick into my left ear. Not good. I went swimming anyway, doing 6 laps. Not a lot, but hey, better than nothing. I slept in this morning – it was cold and I wasn’t sure that would be the best thing. It’s a walk day, so I will walk with hubby later on.
The good news is I dropped 1.5 pounds from last week! I was very glad to see a solid loss. My goal for March is 3 pounds – that a 0.75 pounds a week. That may not sound like great shakes, but I know my body – slower is better and slow is all I ever get in any case. I am still feeling terrific about how on track my eating was last weekend. I know I can do it again!
That’s about all that is new with me. I am doing a 6 mile recovery run tomorrow – I think I’ll do it in the afternoon as its supposed to be cold again tonight. Sunday I plan to do at least a few laps. Lots to do this weekend with the boy's birthday bash going on. He turns the big 1-0 come Monday. He’s such a great kid. I am blessed.
Well, the bad news is I am getting sick. Yesterday the left side of my sinuses was stopped up, and I felt like someone was jamming an ice pick into my left ear. Not good. I went swimming anyway, doing 6 laps. Not a lot, but hey, better than nothing. I slept in this morning – it was cold and I wasn’t sure that would be the best thing. It’s a walk day, so I will walk with hubby later on.
The good news is I dropped 1.5 pounds from last week! I was very glad to see a solid loss. My goal for March is 3 pounds – that a 0.75 pounds a week. That may not sound like great shakes, but I know my body – slower is better and slow is all I ever get in any case. I am still feeling terrific about how on track my eating was last weekend. I know I can do it again!
That’s about all that is new with me. I am doing a 6 mile recovery run tomorrow – I think I’ll do it in the afternoon as its supposed to be cold again tonight. Sunday I plan to do at least a few laps. Lots to do this weekend with the boy's birthday bash going on. He turns the big 1-0 come Monday. He’s such a great kid. I am blessed.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Sleep Away the Pounds
I’ve read several articles lately that have talked about the role of sleep in weight loss. Looks like it isn’t that simple equations of calories in (food) versus calories out (exercise). Weight loss appears to be a 3 legged stool, with the third component being sleep. Without the third leg, it’s tough to balance.
Weight lifters have known about the importance of sleep for a long time. That’s when we really build muscles – while we sleep. We tear them down in the gym. Looks like sleep is also the time our body likes to “take care of business” without any distractions – stuff like regulating our hormones. Gee, those have something to do with weight loss…
I am a girl that needs her sleep. I’m a 7.5 to 8 hour per night person. This morning when I woke up it was pouring, so I treated myself to an extra hour. Nine hours of sleep! What a luxury! And after last night’s lifting session, I bet I needed every second of it!
Yesterday was good for a number of reasons. I ate well, finishing off at 5:30 with a yummy dinner of Chicken Marengo (sautéed chicken in a tomato sauce over a little rice). It’s a “desperation dinner” – I get a lot of my recipes from the desperation dinner column of the local paper, or from the show “30 Minute Meals” on the Food network, or various crock pot recipes (do you see a trend here?). I don’t have a lot of time to cook during the week, but I insist on a home cooked meal 5 nights per week.
I did 2 2 mile runs – one in the morning alone and one in the afternoon with my son. While he did tae kwon do, I did a killer upper body workout. First 2 sets of push-ups to warm up (there ise only 1 kind of push-up, the Army push-up, and it does not involve knees). Then 2 each of 2 exercises for each body part: back, chest, triceps, biceps, shoulders. Then I finished off with negative chin-ups until failure (thanks, Chris, for that idea). I managed 2. I guess that means my workout was good. My muscles were shaking when I was waiting for my son. But no soreness today.
This afternoon I am swimming,
I’ve read several articles lately that have talked about the role of sleep in weight loss. Looks like it isn’t that simple equations of calories in (food) versus calories out (exercise). Weight loss appears to be a 3 legged stool, with the third component being sleep. Without the third leg, it’s tough to balance.
Weight lifters have known about the importance of sleep for a long time. That’s when we really build muscles – while we sleep. We tear them down in the gym. Looks like sleep is also the time our body likes to “take care of business” without any distractions – stuff like regulating our hormones. Gee, those have something to do with weight loss…
I am a girl that needs her sleep. I’m a 7.5 to 8 hour per night person. This morning when I woke up it was pouring, so I treated myself to an extra hour. Nine hours of sleep! What a luxury! And after last night’s lifting session, I bet I needed every second of it!
Yesterday was good for a number of reasons. I ate well, finishing off at 5:30 with a yummy dinner of Chicken Marengo (sautéed chicken in a tomato sauce over a little rice). It’s a “desperation dinner” – I get a lot of my recipes from the desperation dinner column of the local paper, or from the show “30 Minute Meals” on the Food network, or various crock pot recipes (do you see a trend here?). I don’t have a lot of time to cook during the week, but I insist on a home cooked meal 5 nights per week.
I did 2 2 mile runs – one in the morning alone and one in the afternoon with my son. While he did tae kwon do, I did a killer upper body workout. First 2 sets of push-ups to warm up (there ise only 1 kind of push-up, the Army push-up, and it does not involve knees). Then 2 each of 2 exercises for each body part: back, chest, triceps, biceps, shoulders. Then I finished off with negative chin-ups until failure (thanks, Chris, for that idea). I managed 2. I guess that means my workout was good. My muscles were shaking when I was waiting for my son. But no soreness today.
This afternoon I am swimming,
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Bulking Up (Your Food)
I had a very interesting conversation with a friend yesterday afternoon. She has made a lot of positive lifestyle changes. I’m really proud of her! But she readily admits she really needs to tackle her weight. I know her family history – growing up in a family where food isn’t considered food unless it’s fried in fatback and the ultimate sin is to throw food away. It’s hard to overcome our childhood messages about food.
But we can overcome those messages and she is working on it. She said she didn’t want to go to her 300 pound doctor for advice on weight loss (who can blame her?). We talked about different things. I told her so many of the diets today boil down to eating lean protein, loads of fruits & veggies, and limiting carbohydrates to complex ones as much as possible. Eating unprocessed foods. And portion control. That’s when she groaned “how can you survive on that little bit of food!” She doesn’t want to starve (who does?). I mentioned I just finished “Volumetrics”, which I think has some great ideas. Really, it’s all about “bulking up” the food on your plate. I’ve been using this trick for a while. Offer a controlled portion, then bulking up the dish with veggies. Adding a box of frozen spinach to soup or manicotti stuffing for example. She latched on to that idea and I hope she’ll look for the book at the library.
It’s been a busy and somewhat stressful week, but I’ve been holding my own on the food front. On the exercise front, all I did yesterday was a 30 minute walk at lunch. I had planned to run after work, but a nasty stress headache nixed that idea. Today I am doing 2 runs and lifting. I am feeling a little puffy – ick! Maybe some clean eating and plenty of exercise today can help cure that little issue!
I had a very interesting conversation with a friend yesterday afternoon. She has made a lot of positive lifestyle changes. I’m really proud of her! But she readily admits she really needs to tackle her weight. I know her family history – growing up in a family where food isn’t considered food unless it’s fried in fatback and the ultimate sin is to throw food away. It’s hard to overcome our childhood messages about food.
But we can overcome those messages and she is working on it. She said she didn’t want to go to her 300 pound doctor for advice on weight loss (who can blame her?). We talked about different things. I told her so many of the diets today boil down to eating lean protein, loads of fruits & veggies, and limiting carbohydrates to complex ones as much as possible. Eating unprocessed foods. And portion control. That’s when she groaned “how can you survive on that little bit of food!” She doesn’t want to starve (who does?). I mentioned I just finished “Volumetrics”, which I think has some great ideas. Really, it’s all about “bulking up” the food on your plate. I’ve been using this trick for a while. Offer a controlled portion, then bulking up the dish with veggies. Adding a box of frozen spinach to soup or manicotti stuffing for example. She latched on to that idea and I hope she’ll look for the book at the library.
It’s been a busy and somewhat stressful week, but I’ve been holding my own on the food front. On the exercise front, all I did yesterday was a 30 minute walk at lunch. I had planned to run after work, but a nasty stress headache nixed that idea. Today I am doing 2 runs and lifting. I am feeling a little puffy – ick! Maybe some clean eating and plenty of exercise today can help cure that little issue!
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
The Wonder Woman Myth Debunked
Last Friday I read an article on msn.com about “stressed out moms”. The article was talking about women who push themselves in so many areas of their life – particularly to be a “perfect mom”, that they wind up exhausted – too tired to enjoy their kids, their husbands, anything.
I remember what I watched on tv as a little girl: “Wonder Woman”, “Bionic Woman”, even “Charlie’s Angels”. It was the 70s and yes, there was plenty of t&a and gender bias in those shows (go back and watch a few episodes of “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century”), but they also sent a very empowering message to little girls. These might not have been the perfect role models, but they were strong women who were (mostly) taking care of themselves. The message was “you can be anything!” and it felt great.
Then along came the 80’s – Oprah and Reaganomics. The American economy was booming. Somewhere along the line the message girls and women received got changed. It was no longer “you can do anything”, it was “you can have everything.”
Did you ever see Steve Martin in the movie “The Jerk”? There is a scene where he has lost everything and he is wandering through the house. He clutches a thermos and says “This is all I need. Just this thermos. That’s all. And that pen. And that….” Pretty soon, he’s carrying so much crap that it is falling out of his arms but he keeps on picking up more. That’s the perfect metaphor for how many people live their lives today.
Have you ever heard the term “subject matter expert”? It’s someone who specializes in knowing a great deal about something. Have you ever known anyone who thought they were a subject matter expert in everything? Weren’t they annoying? But that’s how a lot of people live, women in particular. They honestly think they can be a CEO, a terrific mom, a great triathlete, found their own charitable organization, and still find time to attend the opera and put a gourmet meal on the table every night. And that myth gets perpetuated, so that we are made to feel inferior if we don’t achieve those goals. No wonder these women are exhausted!
It’s all a sham. I’m sorry, but it is. You cannot hold everything in your arms. You can hold several things, but not everything. You can’t be a subject matter expert in everything. It’s a lie. It’s that simple, and that hard.
It is hard to let go of perfectionism. To say “I will never come in first place in a bike race, because having a relatively clean house is also important to me.” Because it means letting go of some dreams, and admitting you have to make choices. It means admitting your own humanity.
Last Friday I read an article on msn.com about “stressed out moms”. The article was talking about women who push themselves in so many areas of their life – particularly to be a “perfect mom”, that they wind up exhausted – too tired to enjoy their kids, their husbands, anything.
I remember what I watched on tv as a little girl: “Wonder Woman”, “Bionic Woman”, even “Charlie’s Angels”. It was the 70s and yes, there was plenty of t&a and gender bias in those shows (go back and watch a few episodes of “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century”), but they also sent a very empowering message to little girls. These might not have been the perfect role models, but they were strong women who were (mostly) taking care of themselves. The message was “you can be anything!” and it felt great.
Then along came the 80’s – Oprah and Reaganomics. The American economy was booming. Somewhere along the line the message girls and women received got changed. It was no longer “you can do anything”, it was “you can have everything.”
Did you ever see Steve Martin in the movie “The Jerk”? There is a scene where he has lost everything and he is wandering through the house. He clutches a thermos and says “This is all I need. Just this thermos. That’s all. And that pen. And that….” Pretty soon, he’s carrying so much crap that it is falling out of his arms but he keeps on picking up more. That’s the perfect metaphor for how many people live their lives today.
Have you ever heard the term “subject matter expert”? It’s someone who specializes in knowing a great deal about something. Have you ever known anyone who thought they were a subject matter expert in everything? Weren’t they annoying? But that’s how a lot of people live, women in particular. They honestly think they can be a CEO, a terrific mom, a great triathlete, found their own charitable organization, and still find time to attend the opera and put a gourmet meal on the table every night. And that myth gets perpetuated, so that we are made to feel inferior if we don’t achieve those goals. No wonder these women are exhausted!
It’s all a sham. I’m sorry, but it is. You cannot hold everything in your arms. You can hold several things, but not everything. You can’t be a subject matter expert in everything. It’s a lie. It’s that simple, and that hard.
It is hard to let go of perfectionism. To say “I will never come in first place in a bike race, because having a relatively clean house is also important to me.” Because it means letting go of some dreams, and admitting you have to make choices. It means admitting your own humanity.
Monday, February 21, 2005
Yes Virginia, Stretching is Bad
I have long believed that stretching is not good. Taking a cold muscle and forcing it to stretch has never seemed logical to me. What Jeff said was this "If you have stretches that work for you, fine. But out of the 150,000 people I have worked with, way more have been injured if they stretch versus those who don't." He went on to quote a study which showed that stretching is the #3 cause of injury among runners, among those who stretch it's #1. Personally, I never stretch. Take it for what it's worth.
I have long believed that stretching is not good. Taking a cold muscle and forcing it to stretch has never seemed logical to me. What Jeff said was this "If you have stretches that work for you, fine. But out of the 150,000 people I have worked with, way more have been injured if they stretch versus those who don't." He went on to quote a study which showed that stretching is the #3 cause of injury among runners, among those who stretch it's #1. Personally, I never stretch. Take it for what it's worth.
And then an android took over my body!
Okay, 3 reports for the price of one! The food report, the run report, and the Jeff Galloway running clinic report.
1) An android took over my body. This is the only possible explanation for my eating habits over the weekend. No out of control eating, only 2 beers the entire weekend. Clearly not me! Just kidding. Being focused on other things helped, as did the fact that my long run was on Sunday. That kept me on the straight and narrow Saturday.
Food Friday after work:
1 Miller Lite and a snack bag of soy chips. Large but reasonable dinner at Golden Corral.
Saturday:
B: egg biscuit
S: string cheese and an apple
L: grilled chicken salad, 1 Miller Lite
S: string cheese & half a soft pretzel at Costco
D: homemade chicken pot pie
S: Jr. cheeseburger at Wendy’s
(I realized on the way home from an errand that I was starved. While this wasn’t the very best choice, I wanted something that was a balance of fat, protein, and carbs. And I knew I needed to eat since I had my long run in the morning. I did not want to wake up starving.)
Sunday:
B: Zone bar
S: peanut butter sandwich
L: Jr cheeseburger & small fry at Wendy’s
S: soy chips and water
D: homemade manicotti & salad
While I didn’t always make the very best choice, my portions were good, and I generally avoided empty calories.
2) The run report. Much better this weekend! I ate a whole Zone bar beforehand, and used my Gel every 2 miles. (BTW, this synced up nicely with the recommendations Jeff gave Sunday). After the run (11 miles) I was tired but okay. I had a peanut butter sandwich and took a hot bath (he said cool is much better) and took a half hour nap. Then I got up and got dressed for the running clinic. I was starving again, and had to grab something on the way. The fries were not the best choice, but I was super hungry!
3) The running clinic. If you ever have a chance, I would highly recommend going to one of these! Jeff Galloway was a very nice man. I took home a lot of great information and a renewed sense of motivation. Some highlights: He took us outside and showed up a few running drills. He spent time with each of us analyzing our running form. The class was great. He gave us info on nutrition (great stuff on day of especially), building speed & endurance, stretching (it’s bad!), pedometers.. I could go on & on. I’m sure I’ll drop pieces of info I’ve gleaned as I incorporate the stuff into my running. One great thing we discussed was what do you do with your running program AFTER the marathon (or whatever event you are training for). Anyway, kudos for this program!
Okay, 3 reports for the price of one! The food report, the run report, and the Jeff Galloway running clinic report.
1) An android took over my body. This is the only possible explanation for my eating habits over the weekend. No out of control eating, only 2 beers the entire weekend. Clearly not me! Just kidding. Being focused on other things helped, as did the fact that my long run was on Sunday. That kept me on the straight and narrow Saturday.
Food Friday after work:
1 Miller Lite and a snack bag of soy chips. Large but reasonable dinner at Golden Corral.
Saturday:
B: egg biscuit
S: string cheese and an apple
L: grilled chicken salad, 1 Miller Lite
S: string cheese & half a soft pretzel at Costco
D: homemade chicken pot pie
S: Jr. cheeseburger at Wendy’s
(I realized on the way home from an errand that I was starved. While this wasn’t the very best choice, I wanted something that was a balance of fat, protein, and carbs. And I knew I needed to eat since I had my long run in the morning. I did not want to wake up starving.)
Sunday:
B: Zone bar
S: peanut butter sandwich
L: Jr cheeseburger & small fry at Wendy’s
S: soy chips and water
D: homemade manicotti & salad
While I didn’t always make the very best choice, my portions were good, and I generally avoided empty calories.
2) The run report. Much better this weekend! I ate a whole Zone bar beforehand, and used my Gel every 2 miles. (BTW, this synced up nicely with the recommendations Jeff gave Sunday). After the run (11 miles) I was tired but okay. I had a peanut butter sandwich and took a hot bath (he said cool is much better) and took a half hour nap. Then I got up and got dressed for the running clinic. I was starving again, and had to grab something on the way. The fries were not the best choice, but I was super hungry!
3) The running clinic. If you ever have a chance, I would highly recommend going to one of these! Jeff Galloway was a very nice man. I took home a lot of great information and a renewed sense of motivation. Some highlights: He took us outside and showed up a few running drills. He spent time with each of us analyzing our running form. The class was great. He gave us info on nutrition (great stuff on day of especially), building speed & endurance, stretching (it’s bad!), pedometers.. I could go on & on. I’m sure I’ll drop pieces of info I’ve gleaned as I incorporate the stuff into my running. One great thing we discussed was what do you do with your running program AFTER the marathon (or whatever event you are training for). Anyway, kudos for this program!
Friday, February 18, 2005
Crud
I have somehow lost my email over on the left. Hmm.. Ogg go figure out computer now.... in the meantine, it's bneca@hotmail.com if you want to contact me.
Thanks for the recipe Megan. I really enjoyed Lance's book "Every Second Counts" - it's his second biography, and focuses on his training and riding in the Tour de France. His first book "It's Not About the Bike" (which I am reading now) is about his battle with cancer, getting his mojo back, and starting a family. I really enjoyed the other book, and I stayed up until 10 last night reading this one (that's late for me!). It is very motivational and a great read
I have somehow lost my email over on the left. Hmm.. Ogg go figure out computer now.... in the meantine, it's bneca@hotmail.com if you want to contact me.
Thanks for the recipe Megan. I really enjoyed Lance's book "Every Second Counts" - it's his second biography, and focuses on his training and riding in the Tour de France. His first book "It's Not About the Bike" (which I am reading now) is about his battle with cancer, getting his mojo back, and starting a family. I really enjoyed the other book, and I stayed up until 10 last night reading this one (that's late for me!). It is very motivational and a great read
Lucky Number 7
Well, Lance has officially announced he'll ride in the Tour de France this year. Very cool. I saw the finish when I was in Paris back in.... 1991? I wasn't into cycling then, it was literally a coincidence that I was in Paris that weekend at all. I am currently reading his first biography "It's Not About the Bike" - I read the second last year. I'm not surprised he came to the NC mountains to get his mojo back. They are pretty special.
Down 1.5 pounds this week. I'm not exactly feeling my mojo, but I'm doing okay. Lifted yesterday - supersets of bis & tris:
paramont machine:
bi: 5/10 x 3
tri: 7.5/10 x 3
db curl (with twist): 15/12 20/10 25/8
tri overhead press: 30/12 35/10 40/8
dips between benches: 25/10 30/10 35/10
21s: 15 lb
I also did my 30 minute walk, a 1 mile run (my walkman batteries died!), and walked the dogs with the hubster. So a pretty active day.
Today I came into work early so I can leave early (flexing your time rocks). Besides the fact that I am way more productive early in the morning, it means more time tonight. I want to do back & chest plus HIIT, then get home to do some tidying up around the house. Not a thorough cleaning, but a start so hubby won't have so much housework tomorrow.
We are heading to the Golden Corral buffet tonight so I don't have to cook. Also on today's agenda is planning the menu for the weekend, and also for next week. Want to make sure I keep plenty of filling veggies in there so I can keep going.
Next weekend is my son's various birthday activities. It's also the weekend I begin to get a shorter "recovery run" between adding mileage. Only 6 miles! Woo hoo! Piece of cake :-)
Well, Lance has officially announced he'll ride in the Tour de France this year. Very cool. I saw the finish when I was in Paris back in.... 1991? I wasn't into cycling then, it was literally a coincidence that I was in Paris that weekend at all. I am currently reading his first biography "It's Not About the Bike" - I read the second last year. I'm not surprised he came to the NC mountains to get his mojo back. They are pretty special.
Down 1.5 pounds this week. I'm not exactly feeling my mojo, but I'm doing okay. Lifted yesterday - supersets of bis & tris:
paramont machine:
bi: 5/10 x 3
tri: 7.5/10 x 3
db curl (with twist): 15/12 20/10 25/8
tri overhead press: 30/12 35/10 40/8
dips between benches: 25/10 30/10 35/10
21s: 15 lb
I also did my 30 minute walk, a 1 mile run (my walkman batteries died!), and walked the dogs with the hubster. So a pretty active day.
Today I came into work early so I can leave early (flexing your time rocks). Besides the fact that I am way more productive early in the morning, it means more time tonight. I want to do back & chest plus HIIT, then get home to do some tidying up around the house. Not a thorough cleaning, but a start so hubby won't have so much housework tomorrow.
We are heading to the Golden Corral buffet tonight so I don't have to cook. Also on today's agenda is planning the menu for the weekend, and also for next week. Want to make sure I keep plenty of filling veggies in there so I can keep going.
Next weekend is my son's various birthday activities. It's also the weekend I begin to get a shorter "recovery run" between adding mileage. Only 6 miles! Woo hoo! Piece of cake :-)
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Time for a break!
Yesterday on the way home, I realized I was just mentally & physically fatigued. So, change of plans - I did get up & walk yesterday (2 miles) plus did my 30 minute walk at lunch, but I took the evening off. The only bad part was that my husband got home late (like, after I went to bed). I didn't want to start a Netflix movie - I wanted to watch "Troy" together. So I trolled the channels (tv sucks, whcih is why I rarely watch it). Boredom = you know what. A little case of overeating! Luckily, there wasn't too much overeating, but I did have a couple too many beers. I really hate the fact that beer makes me feel like caca the next day.
But it's back to normal today. I am looking hard at Krista's new program (see my earlier post). I think it's time to change up my lifting.
Today is chest, back, & low back, plus 2 mile run. Hopefully the hubster will get home in time for us to walk the dogs. It's been very cool to not have to take my son anywhere this week. His tutoring (for reading) will be over the end of this school year, so that halves our after school obligations! woo hoo! He really enjoys tae kwon do, and I am happy to keep taking him as long as he wants to be involved. (Besides, that's my gym time!)
Is summer here yet?
Yesterday on the way home, I realized I was just mentally & physically fatigued. So, change of plans - I did get up & walk yesterday (2 miles) plus did my 30 minute walk at lunch, but I took the evening off. The only bad part was that my husband got home late (like, after I went to bed). I didn't want to start a Netflix movie - I wanted to watch "Troy" together. So I trolled the channels (tv sucks, whcih is why I rarely watch it). Boredom = you know what. A little case of overeating! Luckily, there wasn't too much overeating, but I did have a couple too many beers. I really hate the fact that beer makes me feel like caca the next day.
But it's back to normal today. I am looking hard at Krista's new program (see my earlier post). I think it's time to change up my lifting.
Today is chest, back, & low back, plus 2 mile run. Hopefully the hubster will get home in time for us to walk the dogs. It's been very cool to not have to take my son anywhere this week. His tutoring (for reading) will be over the end of this school year, so that halves our after school obligations! woo hoo! He really enjoys tae kwon do, and I am happy to keep taking him as long as he wants to be involved. (Besides, that's my gym time!)
Is summer here yet?
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
You will work for me!
I realized something this morning while out on my morning walk: I don’t want to be a slave to food – I want food to be a slave to me. Serving my purposes, meeting my needs, fueling my body so I can do the things I want.
So, it’s time for a “flip” in my thinking. I think that has started the past couple of days. Part of the problem is that food has always served as entertainment and reward etc., as well as fuel. I’ve given it too many hats – no wonder it’s running the show. Food is certainly a pleasure – I’m not saying that is wrong. But there has to be a better balance.
The past couple of days I have looked at food as fuel primarily. I’ve been working out harder than usual, and my eating has been more regimented than usual. I’ve added a post workout glass of chocolate milk or a morning serving of soy chips if I’ve needed it – I’ve been getting exercise 4 times a day (2 “exercise” sessions and 2 “pleasure walks”). So I haven’t been starving myself – but I’ve been fueling my workouts rather than holding a “party in my mouth” multiple times a day.
The weekends are the hardest for me. Partly because I work too hard on the weekend and I use food as a reward. And partly because I have conditioned myself to believe that it’s okay to sit in a chair if I am eating, but wrong if I am just sitting there.
Time to work on my thinking.
Yesterday was good: 2 mile run before work, 30 minute walk at lunch, swim after work, ½ mile walk with the dogs & husband after dinner. Food was on plan, with a post swim serving of chocolate milk. Swimming makes me ravenous!
I need to sit down and plan my eating for the weekend. Once again, I have a lot to do, but I have a plan. If I plan my eating now, I should be able to stay on track.
I am wearing my smallest pair of size 14 jeans and they are comfortable. My smallest jeans I own are 10s – I am getting there.
I realized something this morning while out on my morning walk: I don’t want to be a slave to food – I want food to be a slave to me. Serving my purposes, meeting my needs, fueling my body so I can do the things I want.
So, it’s time for a “flip” in my thinking. I think that has started the past couple of days. Part of the problem is that food has always served as entertainment and reward etc., as well as fuel. I’ve given it too many hats – no wonder it’s running the show. Food is certainly a pleasure – I’m not saying that is wrong. But there has to be a better balance.
The past couple of days I have looked at food as fuel primarily. I’ve been working out harder than usual, and my eating has been more regimented than usual. I’ve added a post workout glass of chocolate milk or a morning serving of soy chips if I’ve needed it – I’ve been getting exercise 4 times a day (2 “exercise” sessions and 2 “pleasure walks”). So I haven’t been starving myself – but I’ve been fueling my workouts rather than holding a “party in my mouth” multiple times a day.
The weekends are the hardest for me. Partly because I work too hard on the weekend and I use food as a reward. And partly because I have conditioned myself to believe that it’s okay to sit in a chair if I am eating, but wrong if I am just sitting there.
Time to work on my thinking.
Yesterday was good: 2 mile run before work, 30 minute walk at lunch, swim after work, ½ mile walk with the dogs & husband after dinner. Food was on plan, with a post swim serving of chocolate milk. Swimming makes me ravenous!
I need to sit down and plan my eating for the weekend. Once again, I have a lot to do, but I have a plan. If I plan my eating now, I should be able to stay on track.
I am wearing my smallest pair of size 14 jeans and they are comfortable. My smallest jeans I own are 10s – I am getting there.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Lifting weights made easy
http://www.stumptuous.com/weights.html Go there, and check out Krista's ideas under "workout for the time poor" in the "what's new?" section. Great ideas! Hmm... May revamp weight workout.....
http://www.stumptuous.com/weights.html Go there, and check out Krista's ideas under "workout for the time poor" in the "what's new?" section. Great ideas! Hmm... May revamp weight workout.....
Empowered
Really, that’s the word to describe how I am feeling today. Lots of good stuff:
Food yesterday was healthy and right on track. I feel it!
I feel like I exercised all day yesterday (in a good way). AM was 2 mile walk, then 30 minute walk at lunch with friend, then the gym after work: weights for legs, shoulders and abs, followed by HIIT on the elliptical. After dinner, hubby & I took the dogs for a ½ mile walk.
A good night’s sleep, followed by a terrific run in the fog this morning.
Oh yeah, and we’re getting about double what I expected on our income tax return. Woo hoo! If all goes well, our credit card debt could be history come June. We still have a home equity line, but it’s not hideous. God knows how good no credit card debt will feel!
Really, that’s the word to describe how I am feeling today. Lots of good stuff:
Food yesterday was healthy and right on track. I feel it!
I feel like I exercised all day yesterday (in a good way). AM was 2 mile walk, then 30 minute walk at lunch with friend, then the gym after work: weights for legs, shoulders and abs, followed by HIIT on the elliptical. After dinner, hubby & I took the dogs for a ½ mile walk.
A good night’s sleep, followed by a terrific run in the fog this morning.
Oh yeah, and we’re getting about double what I expected on our income tax return. Woo hoo! If all goes well, our credit card debt could be history come June. We still have a home equity line, but it’s not hideous. God knows how good no credit card debt will feel!
Monday, February 14, 2005
Random Monday Stuff
I am glad I signed myself up for that thing with Jeff Galloway. I really want to ask him about my feet. My feet hurt after I run. Like, I had to ice my feet because the bottoms (espeically the heels) were so sore. Is this normal? I don’t want to wind up with plantar fascitis again this year.
My husband loved his gift. I gave it to him Friday night so he could go to class Saturday while I was running. He went to the 9 am class. He ran into the dad of one of our son’s classmates, who was headed in for the 11 am class. I guess Bikram is “manly” yoga.
Besides feeling much more relaxed after yoga (he didn’t even realize how stressed he was until he did that class), I gave him the go-ahead to take his bike in for repairs. It’s going to cost around $400. Ouch! But he will need it for the tri, and he needs to start riding to get ready for the tri, and biking is a big stress relief for him. He even wants to take it out of town with him so he can ride some – which I think is a great idea.
Saturday’s 10 mile run was rough. Beyond rough really. Like, I don’t remember a run that hard, ever. I ate a larger than normal but healthy dinner Friday night. Got up and had half a kashi bar with water. This may have been mistake #1. I can’t eat a whole kashi bar before I run (I get acid reflux), but next week I will switch to a whole Zone bar. A little more, but hopefully not too much. Also, I spilled the iced tea so I had no caffeine! ARGH!
I am still running loops in the neighborhood – hilly and boring, but safe. I set my jug of cranwater and bottle of Hammer gel on the mailbox post, and off I went. The first 2 miles were typical warming up – getting used to the notion of running. The next 2 miles were the best of the run – the sun was coming up and everything was just preternaturally bright. The neighborhood was quiet, the birds were chirping, the air smelled good. At the 4 mile mark I stopped for more water (I always stop for water) plus a potty break & some Hammer gel. Have I ever mentioned how skanky that stuff is? Anyway, the next 2 miles were also good, but by mile 7, I was feeling tired. By mile 8 I was sad. I stopped at the house and used more gel, plus had another potty break. Talking myself out of just stopping for a quick nap on the toilet was hard. I finally convinced myself that if I had to, I could walk the last 2 miles. I actually made it, with only the normal walk breaks.
After the run, I ate a peanut butter sandwich (Rebecca’s suggestion – it does make a great post-run snack!) and took a bath. The hubster got home from yoga and we went to eat at an Indian buffet. I didn’t go overboard, but ate well. Then we went to the bike shop, where I fell asleep in the car for 30 minutes! That’s how long my husband was in there discussing repairs.
I didn’t have a blinding headache, and I did manage to do stuff that day after the run (unlike some days), but I clearly bonked during the run. It’s either my food or the fact that my doctor switched my neurotransmitter supplements so I take more at night. I am adding more pre-run food, will stop every 2 miles for gel next weekend and see if that helps.
On the food front: much better weekend! I had a “free” meal Saturday night – an unplanned trip to a Mexican restaurant. Last night I had popcorn & 2 beers. So, nothing too dreadful. This week is pretty strict. Here’s the plan:
B: smoothie or oatmeal
S: 1 string cheese & veggie sticks
L: salmon or tuna with garbanzos & greek vinegarette. ½ serving of rice-a-roni, and steamed veggies.
S: 1 string cheese & an apple. Cauliflower soup.
D: tv dinner & salad.
I got up and walked 2 miles this morning – hubby walked the first mile with me. I think he is finding his groove back. I hope so!
I am glad I signed myself up for that thing with Jeff Galloway. I really want to ask him about my feet. My feet hurt after I run. Like, I had to ice my feet because the bottoms (espeically the heels) were so sore. Is this normal? I don’t want to wind up with plantar fascitis again this year.
My husband loved his gift. I gave it to him Friday night so he could go to class Saturday while I was running. He went to the 9 am class. He ran into the dad of one of our son’s classmates, who was headed in for the 11 am class. I guess Bikram is “manly” yoga.
Besides feeling much more relaxed after yoga (he didn’t even realize how stressed he was until he did that class), I gave him the go-ahead to take his bike in for repairs. It’s going to cost around $400. Ouch! But he will need it for the tri, and he needs to start riding to get ready for the tri, and biking is a big stress relief for him. He even wants to take it out of town with him so he can ride some – which I think is a great idea.
Saturday’s 10 mile run was rough. Beyond rough really. Like, I don’t remember a run that hard, ever. I ate a larger than normal but healthy dinner Friday night. Got up and had half a kashi bar with water. This may have been mistake #1. I can’t eat a whole kashi bar before I run (I get acid reflux), but next week I will switch to a whole Zone bar. A little more, but hopefully not too much. Also, I spilled the iced tea so I had no caffeine! ARGH!
I am still running loops in the neighborhood – hilly and boring, but safe. I set my jug of cranwater and bottle of Hammer gel on the mailbox post, and off I went. The first 2 miles were typical warming up – getting used to the notion of running. The next 2 miles were the best of the run – the sun was coming up and everything was just preternaturally bright. The neighborhood was quiet, the birds were chirping, the air smelled good. At the 4 mile mark I stopped for more water (I always stop for water) plus a potty break & some Hammer gel. Have I ever mentioned how skanky that stuff is? Anyway, the next 2 miles were also good, but by mile 7, I was feeling tired. By mile 8 I was sad. I stopped at the house and used more gel, plus had another potty break. Talking myself out of just stopping for a quick nap on the toilet was hard. I finally convinced myself that if I had to, I could walk the last 2 miles. I actually made it, with only the normal walk breaks.
After the run, I ate a peanut butter sandwich (Rebecca’s suggestion – it does make a great post-run snack!) and took a bath. The hubster got home from yoga and we went to eat at an Indian buffet. I didn’t go overboard, but ate well. Then we went to the bike shop, where I fell asleep in the car for 30 minutes! That’s how long my husband was in there discussing repairs.
I didn’t have a blinding headache, and I did manage to do stuff that day after the run (unlike some days), but I clearly bonked during the run. It’s either my food or the fact that my doctor switched my neurotransmitter supplements so I take more at night. I am adding more pre-run food, will stop every 2 miles for gel next weekend and see if that helps.
On the food front: much better weekend! I had a “free” meal Saturday night – an unplanned trip to a Mexican restaurant. Last night I had popcorn & 2 beers. So, nothing too dreadful. This week is pretty strict. Here’s the plan:
B: smoothie or oatmeal
S: 1 string cheese & veggie sticks
L: salmon or tuna with garbanzos & greek vinegarette. ½ serving of rice-a-roni, and steamed veggies.
S: 1 string cheese & an apple. Cauliflower soup.
D: tv dinner & salad.
I got up and walked 2 miles this morning – hubby walked the first mile with me. I think he is finding his groove back. I hope so!
Friday, February 11, 2005
Be My Valentine
So, I tried calling my husband but he didn't answer the phone. I wanted to let him know I had my own Valentine gift pretty well covered - I found out Jeff Galloway is teaching a half day training session in Winston-Salem. He covers training, eating to burn fat, answers questions, and will help you with your running form. I love his book "Marathon!" and that is my training bible. Love it!
So, I tried calling my husband but he didn't answer the phone. I wanted to let him know I had my own Valentine gift pretty well covered - I found out Jeff Galloway is teaching a half day training session in Winston-Salem. He covers training, eating to burn fat, answers questions, and will help you with your running form. I love his book "Marathon!" and that is my training bible. Love it!
Cybil's evening out
Boy was last night weird. I left work a bit early so I can go to Winston-Salem and buy my husband's Vanetine's gift: a 10 class pass to Bikram Yoga. The man loves it, loves the teacher, and wants to go back. I was considering this as a gift, and then he montioned the other day he'd like to go back. I was so proud of myself for giving my husband a gift that was healthy and won't clutter up the house. "The gift of health" - am I a good wife or what?
So then I'm driving home and said husband calls, so pissed off he sounds like his head is about to explode. His boss had them drive nearly 3 hours away to a job site, but the boss of that job had already called J and told him he didn't need anyone up there till next week. So my husband spent as much time in the car as he did working because his boss screwed up. So, I don't have enough food and he wants a cold beer.
So, I go to the store, purchase extra ingredients so I can double dinner, and a 12 pack. After my wonderful "gift of health" I had 3 beers, chicken and dumplings, and a few token green beans for dinner. The carb bloat is killing me this morning!
No wonder I was up 2.5 pounds on the da*& scale.
Boy was last night weird. I left work a bit early so I can go to Winston-Salem and buy my husband's Vanetine's gift: a 10 class pass to Bikram Yoga. The man loves it, loves the teacher, and wants to go back. I was considering this as a gift, and then he montioned the other day he'd like to go back. I was so proud of myself for giving my husband a gift that was healthy and won't clutter up the house. "The gift of health" - am I a good wife or what?
So then I'm driving home and said husband calls, so pissed off he sounds like his head is about to explode. His boss had them drive nearly 3 hours away to a job site, but the boss of that job had already called J and told him he didn't need anyone up there till next week. So my husband spent as much time in the car as he did working because his boss screwed up. So, I don't have enough food and he wants a cold beer.
So, I go to the store, purchase extra ingredients so I can double dinner, and a 12 pack. After my wonderful "gift of health" I had 3 beers, chicken and dumplings, and a few token green beans for dinner. The carb bloat is killing me this morning!
No wonder I was up 2.5 pounds on the da*& scale.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
A week without lifting
I didn't plan to take this week off from lifting weights, but my energy level has been so abysmal that that is exactly what has happened.
Next week I plan to lift 3 days and use HIIT (high intensity interval training) on the elliptcal to kick my metabolism up a notch. Time to start working on my last few pounds.
I didn't plan to take this week off from lifting weights, but my energy level has been so abysmal that that is exactly what has happened.
Next week I plan to lift 3 days and use HIIT (high intensity interval training) on the elliptcal to kick my metabolism up a notch. Time to start working on my last few pounds.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
A little more
So, I have time to breathe – but just for a minute.
The weekend was good but weird. I finally unwound a little bit. The run was good, and just sitting around was good too. That’s something I rarely do, and I think I needed it!
I am going to go back to weighing every Friday – every 2 weeks isn’t often enough to keep me on the straight & narrow.
The running is going pretty good. I do need to up my weekday intensity, but I am on track with marathon training. I ran 9 miles this past weekend. I have a 10 mile run planned for this weekend. I have begun using that “goo” to keep me fueled during my runs. That mess is nasty!
It was so awesome to be able to run in shorts & t-shirt this weekend. That taste of spring was (hopefully) enough to keep me going till we get the real thing!
Next week my son has winter break and is going to his grandpa’s for the week. So no after work activities, other than running some much needed errands and hitting the gym. Hopefully I won’t go mental and lay around every evening, drinking beer and eating Chef Boyardee and Little Debbie cakes for dinner. Sometimes I can run amok without supervision. Is that sad or what?
As happened last year when my runs got up into the longer distances, I find myself in this whole “eat to run or run to eat” situation. I don’t fuel properly for running, then justify my crap by the fact that I ran for 4 hours. Can I just blame this part weekend on the Superbowl and move on?
Speaking of which, what was your favorite commercial? I loved the diet Pepsi commercial with Carson that was reminiscent of the opening of “Saturday Night Fever.” Clever. And then followed by the dumbest commercial of the game – that godaddy.com crap. How dumb was that? I tivo-ed the game so I could replay the commercials.
While I was home sick yesterday, Sci-Fi channel showed a marathon of “Buck Roger’s in the 25th Century”. My son is hooked. I wish I looked like that in spandex. Just saying.
So, I have time to breathe – but just for a minute.
The weekend was good but weird. I finally unwound a little bit. The run was good, and just sitting around was good too. That’s something I rarely do, and I think I needed it!
I am going to go back to weighing every Friday – every 2 weeks isn’t often enough to keep me on the straight & narrow.
The running is going pretty good. I do need to up my weekday intensity, but I am on track with marathon training. I ran 9 miles this past weekend. I have a 10 mile run planned for this weekend. I have begun using that “goo” to keep me fueled during my runs. That mess is nasty!
It was so awesome to be able to run in shorts & t-shirt this weekend. That taste of spring was (hopefully) enough to keep me going till we get the real thing!
Next week my son has winter break and is going to his grandpa’s for the week. So no after work activities, other than running some much needed errands and hitting the gym. Hopefully I won’t go mental and lay around every evening, drinking beer and eating Chef Boyardee and Little Debbie cakes for dinner. Sometimes I can run amok without supervision. Is that sad or what?
As happened last year when my runs got up into the longer distances, I find myself in this whole “eat to run or run to eat” situation. I don’t fuel properly for running, then justify my crap by the fact that I ran for 4 hours. Can I just blame this part weekend on the Superbowl and move on?
Speaking of which, what was your favorite commercial? I loved the diet Pepsi commercial with Carson that was reminiscent of the opening of “Saturday Night Fever.” Clever. And then followed by the dumbest commercial of the game – that godaddy.com crap. How dumb was that? I tivo-ed the game so I could replay the commercials.
While I was home sick yesterday, Sci-Fi channel showed a marathon of “Buck Roger’s in the 25th Century”. My son is hooked. I wish I looked like that in spandex. Just saying.
Friday, February 04, 2005
Indoor run averted.
Whew! That was a close one! Just as I was leaving work, the clouds were breaking up. It was 35 or so when I got home, and not raining!
The boy ran the first mile with me, then peeled off and I ran the last mile alone.
I have noticed 2 things this week:
1) On runs (or any other cardio) other than my long run, my intensity is not high enough.
2) I have eaten crap after dinner for the past 3 days. Not good.
Maybe I will go back to weighing every week instead of every other week.
Whew! That was a close one! Just as I was leaving work, the clouds were breaking up. It was 35 or so when I got home, and not raining!
The boy ran the first mile with me, then peeled off and I ran the last mile alone.
I have noticed 2 things this week:
1) On runs (or any other cardio) other than my long run, my intensity is not high enough.
2) I have eaten crap after dinner for the past 3 days. Not good.
Maybe I will go back to weighing every week instead of every other week.
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Running on the “dreadmill”
So, for the first time this year I have to run indoors. The dreadmill, or the inside track, I get to pick my poison! I’ve been lucky so far this year, but it is yucky and raining pretty hard outside, so I just don’t see an outdoor workout happening.
Our friend Chris came to town & took us out to dinner last night. We went to our favorite Mexican place (now his favorite also!) and ate the owner’s mom’s homemade tamales, grilled cactus, posole, and an amazing sautéed seafood platter. We ate everything “family style”, sharing it around. It was really nice.
I think my funk may be attributed to several things: it’s national water retention week, winter (which I hate), and feeling overwhelmed by stuff at home.
My husband goes away for weekends – sometimes to medieval events without me, sometimes to play D&D, but I have never had a weekend where HE did all the housework. I am having one this weekend (he promised). It coincides with his D&D game (it rotates and this weekend it’s at our house). I am curious to see how much he does. Sometimes I resent that fact, but only I have the power to speak up for myself.
Also, I have made a new rule that my son can’t go away for the weekend to visit his grandparents until a list of chores is complete - it’s all of 10 minutes worth of work, but he is old enough to take on more responsibility. Tonight I am going to do something nice for myself. Hmm, something that doesn’t involve food….
So, for the first time this year I have to run indoors. The dreadmill, or the inside track, I get to pick my poison! I’ve been lucky so far this year, but it is yucky and raining pretty hard outside, so I just don’t see an outdoor workout happening.
Our friend Chris came to town & took us out to dinner last night. We went to our favorite Mexican place (now his favorite also!) and ate the owner’s mom’s homemade tamales, grilled cactus, posole, and an amazing sautéed seafood platter. We ate everything “family style”, sharing it around. It was really nice.
I think my funk may be attributed to several things: it’s national water retention week, winter (which I hate), and feeling overwhelmed by stuff at home.
My husband goes away for weekends – sometimes to medieval events without me, sometimes to play D&D, but I have never had a weekend where HE did all the housework. I am having one this weekend (he promised). It coincides with his D&D game (it rotates and this weekend it’s at our house). I am curious to see how much he does. Sometimes I resent that fact, but only I have the power to speak up for myself.
Also, I have made a new rule that my son can’t go away for the weekend to visit his grandparents until a list of chores is complete - it’s all of 10 minutes worth of work, but he is old enough to take on more responsibility. Tonight I am going to do something nice for myself. Hmm, something that doesn’t involve food….
Oh yeah? Well MY dad trains jewish mothers for a living!
Well, he could have. A master at making a person feel like utter crap, he could lay a guilt trip smoother than a road paver lays asphalt.
The really pitiful thing is that I don't think my feelings are that out of the norm (I mean, who doesn't worry about taking good enough care of their kids?) but I was trained to feel guilty if I felt bad.
Well, he could have. A master at making a person feel like utter crap, he could lay a guilt trip smoother than a road paver lays asphalt.
The really pitiful thing is that I don't think my feelings are that out of the norm (I mean, who doesn't worry about taking good enough care of their kids?) but I was trained to feel guilty if I felt bad.
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Discordant
I’ve been a bit unhappy lately. First, I acknowledge the fact that I am indeed fortunate. I live a fairly comfortable middle class existence in the wealthiest country in the world, which means I have time for introspection because I don’t have to struggle to feed my child or worry about rebel insurgents.
There are things I would like to be, that I don’t feel I am. I view myself as an athletic outdoorsy woman, with a bit of euro-funk thrown in. What I look like is a sedentary suburban soccer mom. That bothers me. That’s why I hate being overweight. How I look is not a reflection of how I feel.
And I struggle. With keeping my house clean. With keeping (fairly) healthy meals on the table. We eat out once a week. I fix every other meal we eat. I can’t really afford to buy organic everything. I try to shop at the farmer’s market, buy unprocessed foods, etc. I spend several hours every Sunday preparing food for my family for the week because I can’t do it all during the week.
I find myself stressing over what I haven’t done, what needs to be done, etc. I think I spend too much time worrying about that and not enough time enjoying my family. I should worry less, but I honestly don’t know how to stop. I’ve always been wound pretty tight (as it were), even as a child. I dunno. Anybody tried meditation?
I’ve been a bit unhappy lately. First, I acknowledge the fact that I am indeed fortunate. I live a fairly comfortable middle class existence in the wealthiest country in the world, which means I have time for introspection because I don’t have to struggle to feed my child or worry about rebel insurgents.
There are things I would like to be, that I don’t feel I am. I view myself as an athletic outdoorsy woman, with a bit of euro-funk thrown in. What I look like is a sedentary suburban soccer mom. That bothers me. That’s why I hate being overweight. How I look is not a reflection of how I feel.
And I struggle. With keeping my house clean. With keeping (fairly) healthy meals on the table. We eat out once a week. I fix every other meal we eat. I can’t really afford to buy organic everything. I try to shop at the farmer’s market, buy unprocessed foods, etc. I spend several hours every Sunday preparing food for my family for the week because I can’t do it all during the week.
I find myself stressing over what I haven’t done, what needs to be done, etc. I think I spend too much time worrying about that and not enough time enjoying my family. I should worry less, but I honestly don’t know how to stop. I’ve always been wound pretty tight (as it were), even as a child. I dunno. Anybody tried meditation?
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Whipping my Family into Shape
So, yesterday afternoon my son & I went for a 1.5 mile jog - our first to train for our April triathlon (he is doing the running portion). At the gym I lifted weights - legs, shoulders, & abs. It never ceases to amaze me how easily I can work my legs to the point of being sore, but upper body, no way. I dunno if its because lately legs have been getting the short end of the stick, or I don't go really heavy on upper since I don't have a spotter...
This morning, the hubster got up with me and walked a mile - I looped around for 1 more. So, exercise is happening. I wonder if I will ever consider myself an "athlete"????
Oh, food yesterday was excellent! Go me!
So, yesterday afternoon my son & I went for a 1.5 mile jog - our first to train for our April triathlon (he is doing the running portion). At the gym I lifted weights - legs, shoulders, & abs. It never ceases to amaze me how easily I can work my legs to the point of being sore, but upper body, no way. I dunno if its because lately legs have been getting the short end of the stick, or I don't go really heavy on upper since I don't have a spotter...
This morning, the hubster got up with me and walked a mile - I looped around for 1 more. So, exercise is happening. I wonder if I will ever consider myself an "athlete"????
Oh, food yesterday was excellent! Go me!
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