Not too Hideous, all things considered

To steal a line from Jank, “Forgive me blogfather, for I have sinned…” But like the title says, I feel like I did pretty good. I forced myself to sit down and write that letter to my dad. Ouch. Plus hub had to work late, so gym was postponed until tonight. So: emotional upset + sitting home alone = disaster, right? Well, not really. Yeah, I had 2 beers and some taco chips. But that’s it! No drive into Sonic for cheese sticks (Yes, I drove by – but didn’t stop). And god knows I wanted some cheesy Mexican mess for dinner, but I had a healthy meal at home instead.

Emotionally, I feel shaky rather than strong right now. But I think a relaxing weekend at home with my family should help. I think the phrase “time heals all wounds” is a load of crap. But you know, I’ve dealt with parental rejection as a child – it should be easier as an adult. Family shouldn’t be this hard – why is it for so many of us?

Leg day is getting a re-tooling to make it more kick ass, but my 2 upper body days are in good shape. I work shoulders on both arm days – they are getting really solid.

Not only did I order new workout CDs from DJ Ajaxx, but I ordered the CD single of “Omnibus” – I swear, Germans make some of the best music. This piece was MADE for spin class. Do they have spin classes in Germany Jack?

The Tour Baby!

Starts this weekend. God, seems like yesterday I was watching it last year. The tivo is set!

Just Plugging Along

Watching TV last night, I was hit with a total overwhelming desire for fried shrimp. Damn commercials! But it passed, and if I still want them, there’s always that free meal this weekend.

Stuck to plan, went to the gym. It was a fairly mediocre workout – I cannot do enough weight with dumbbells to work my legs much when I squat. The weight bothers my shoulders before it gets hard for my legs. Back to the bar for that one. Other than that, okay.

Food was on track. I made ‘hamburgerless helper” for dinner. Sauteed bell peppers, diced tomato, black beans, and veggie crumbles took the place of the hamburger. Not exactly homemade, but quick & decent.

That little excel spreadsheet is da bomb. Who would have thought a grown woman would get so excited about checking off the fact that she brushed her teeth!

So, I go back tomorrow for what I presume will be my last visit with Bob the priest. Last time I spoke with him, I came in with notes. I had a pretty clear vision of what I wanted to write my dad, what I expected his potential reactions to be, and how I would deal with them. And have done nothing since. Like, I need to sit down and actually write something. But I am procrastinating. No action can be so much more comfortable than doing something. I need to fish or cut bait on this one. I don’t want to – bitch, moan, whine.

Songs I love:
I believe in you by Kylie Minogue – LOVE IT!!!!
One Word by Kelly Osbourne (I can’t believe I am admitting that!)
Holloback Girl by Gwen Stefani (I know I’m old, but does anyone know what this song is about???)
Omnibus by Laut Sprecher - Better than Darude’s Sandstorm. Makes you want to ride your bike up a mountain – in the Alps!
How did you know? by Mynt

I'm in the mood ... for Pennsic!!!

I didn’t know weekday evenings could be like that!

What a concept – a relaxing evening during the week! I was very proud of hubby – he went to the gym with me!! That makes me happy. He had a good workout. While he did a total body workout, I did chest & back. He wasn’t finished yet, so I did 20 minutes on the recumbent bike while I waited – bonus cardio!

To keep up with my good habits, I made myself a little excel spreadsheet (I read in someone’s blog that they had done this and I thought it might help me too). I have 5 habits a day I want to keep up with: morning walk/run, lunch walk, gym, floss teeth in evening, and wash face in evening. I am tracking Monday – Saturday, and my goal is 25 boxes checked off per week. I will not expect perfection every day. I am trying to get away from that “all or nothing” mentality – it’s so self-defeating. Yes, I will give myself a reward if I meet my goal. :-)

Anyway, we hit the gym, then went home & I heated up some homemade soup & made baked tomatoes. We a nice dinner and then I took a nice bath while hub did dishes. Then we watched a movie! Unbelievable!

I got up this morning and did a great 2 mile run. It never ceases to amaze me how much better I feel when I eat healthy foods & exercise my bod. You think that awesome feeling would be incentive to do that on a regular basis, huh?

I must test blogger's new picture thingie - here I am last year at a friend's scottish wedding.

Uninspired or uninspiring?

Hmmm. So, I realize Stella’s groove left for Jamaica without her (or me, actually). This blog has been kinda blah lately. Judging by the lack of comments, I guess I’m not the only one to think that!

Hubby & I talked yesterday – we’ve agreed to make the house a “beer free” zone. It will be easier for me, and he is saying he wants to lose the weight he’s regained. He hasn’t been exercising since he’s been working out of town. His shorts don’t fit – big wake-up call for him! He walked after I got back from running yesterday. He may go to the gym with me tonight. Yay! That makes me glad. He needs to lose weight (he has high blood pressure), but I don’t want to push him and turn him off. It’s tough – I want to encourage him but he hasn’t seemed ready. Maybe that will begin to change now that he is home.

My “cheat meal” contained cheese dip. It is no longer my friend. I feel too lousy the next day for it to be worth it to eat. Oh cheese dip, how you have betrayed me! Forced to eat healthy food – drat! :-)

Thought of the Day


As long as we allow ourselves the opportunity for self-loathing we will never fill our voids. Why should we, we are not worthy; when we beat ourselves up on a daily basis for the little things in life; we can't even think about our purpose for living! We have brainwashed ourselves into believing that this is all there is, so why want more passion or joy!

Money Causes Christmas, and Catching Up on Me

People get easily confused by all the seemingly endless and contradictory studies. It’s no wonder we all want to throw up our hands and eat a twinkie. Here is my favorite statistical story:

Every year at the beginning of the fourth quarter, the government releases additional paper cash into the economy. Every December, Christmas happens. Therefore, money causes Christmas, right? You might not have known that little nugget about the release of currency, but I bet you quickly figured out that the gov’t does it in order to facilitate Christmas shopping.

People frequently confuse correlation and causation – but just because two events occur together, doesn’t not mean that A causes B. B might cause A, or even C – who got left out of the study. Statistics are very useful (thus sayeth the statistician) but if you torture them enough, they say whatever you please. That’s why I take all the studies with a huge grain of salt. People tend to use them to back up whatever they believe.

Weight gained on vacation: 2.5 pounds. Not too shabby!

My exhaustion level: Beginning to subside. By next week I should be normal.

My stress level: Work is insane, but it will end in a couple of days. Hub seems happy with the new job, which makes me happy.

Music makes me happy. I like a lot of stuff, but this is what I am listening to at work these days: http://www.energy927fm.com/ Good stuff!

The boy’s belt test went great last night. Tonight is the awards ceremony and pizza party. I’ve bought everything but the ice, collected the $$, and just need to order the pizza at lunchtime today. Then he’s off for the summer!! Woo hoo! Freedom for mommy!!!!

Morning Musing of a Recovering Lazy-A$$, and other Stuff

One of the more difficult parts of being a recoving lazy-thing is finding balance. For example, I can never know with confidence whether I am doing “enough” exercise. What is enough? This week I am trying to silence the inner voice that wants to beat me up for not running in the mornings. I am getting in my gym time, and my lunch walks, but a) it’s a hectic week and b) I’m tired still from traveling. Why is it so hard to just say “This week is less than I’d like, but enough that I won’t wither away.”?

So, my husband started a new job today. Sometimes you’ve got to release your problems to the universe. The poor man was at his breaking point, and the possibility a friend mentioned panned out. Please don’t feel any sympathy for his former boss. Here was the schedule he laid on hubby this week: Monday Fayetteville (3 hours east of home), Tuesday Marion (2.5 hours west of home) then drive back to pick up the helper & the tools boss asked him to leave with helper (naturally he needed those tools in Marion yesterday). Wednesday & Thursday were Spartanburg SC (3 hours south of home), then Friday in Sanford (1.5 hours east of home). In a work van with a gas allowance of $125. Why? Because hubby was the ONLY lead carpenter he had left and the boss didn’t want to leave home. Be careful who you treat like sh-- , they might leave you holding that bag of sh--. He quit at 1:30, and got home at 9:30 after all the driving around to get the tools he’d been asked to leave. Never mind when he had all those tools already stolen from that job site not only did the boss not have insurance to cover it, but he didn’t help with the replacement. Ug!

The new job is local. Hurray!!! I hope it goes well. And I am so glad he’ll be at the boy’s tae kwon do test tonight.

Ran errands last night – semper gumby, right? Gym after work, then home for lentil soup & back to the gym for the boy’s belt test.

When do you feel like a grown-up?

I feel so silly sometimes. I mean, how hard is it to remember to floss and wash your face at night? But by bedtime I am so tired that I confess I don’t always remember. Too bad my mom can’t come over & remind me! Anyway, as part of my plan to take better care of myself, these are two habits I plan to work harder at remembering. I even have a sign posted on my bathroom mirror!

In addition to reading “Body for Life for Women” while I was on vacation, I re-read “Body for Life” last night. A friend had asked to borrow it, and I wanted to go back over it again before I loaned it out. One thing that was nice to see is that my eating is already very much in line with the plan outlined in the books. (When I eat on plan!) One confusing thing: Bill calls yogurt a carb, while Pamela calls it a protein. I have been counting it as a protein – my breakfast these days is yogurt & raw oats. Should I be adding protein powder to that to boost the protein? Thoughts? Advice????

The “Body Sculpting Bible” workout is very similar to Bill’s weight training plan. I think intensity is the key in any weight lifting regime – you can get good results with any of these plans as long as you put work into it.

I do plan to add HIIT back into the mix. My plan for this evening is weights & HIIT – yesterday was just weights. I came in to work early and other than a walk at lunch, got in no cardio. I’ll walk at lunch again today. I got all my unpacking done yesterday, so it was a pretty crazy day.

I am very worried about my husband. His boss is being totally unreasonable (again) – expecting him to drive all over hell’s half acre plus work full days. On the road 7 hours yesterday, 8 today, and going to SC tomorrow. I wish I could support us! Plus the boy’s tae kwon do test is tomorrow night - hubby had to miss the last one and is determined to drive home from SC to be there. I worry about that man. I wish he could find a job close to home. This is just too much stress for him to carry.

Sorry to end this on a bad note – just needed to release some of that.

Super Humongo Salad of Doom (Trough not included)

Vacation was very nice. I mean, you can only relax so much with two 10 year olds, but it was nice. Lots of touristy stuff - the Lost Colony, climbing the Hatteras Lighthouse, taking the ferry to Ocracoke, the Wright Brothers museum in Kill Devil Hills... and a fair amount of reading a book with a cold brew. Rented a kayak & went out in the sound with my son.

It was great, but its also great to be home to my doggie children, and having a huge salad for lunch. "Should we eat that? It's green." ha ha ha

An added bonus: the house we rented had Arnold's "Encyclopedia of Bodybuilding." heh!

Stepping out into the Sun

So, I had an interesting conversation with Father H. yesterday at lunch (note: can I just say I find it freaky-deeky that I spend the occasional lunch talking with a priest?). I was describing what it felt like those 2 weeks where I didn’t use food at all to insulate myself from life. I said, “It’s like stepping out into bright sunlight with no sunglasses. There is no buffer between you and your emotions.” He really keyed onto that word “buffer” and we talked a little about how emotional eaters use food to act as a buffer between themselves & their emotions. And I think most people use something on a pretty regular basis: shopping, working out, sleeping, cooking, - you get it. It’s like it’s too much to take in all at once.

One of my goals for next week is to use my food buffer as little as possible. I won’t say not at all, but minimize that behavior. And be conscious of it when I do CHOOSE to engage in that behavior.

I’m up one pound – 151.5. Okay, I’ll take that. I plan to not gain next week, and then back to the business of losing when I get back. So, 2 weeks until next weigh-in and hopefully a small loss to post!

It will be weird not writing in this blog for a week. That will be the longest I’ve gone without posting in the 15 months since I started it.

So, the stomach thing yesterday. What did I do to myself? Either I ate some combination of food that was evil, or I had a mild case of food poisoning – my stomach hurt worse & worse as the day wore on. I mean, sharp pain! It was obviously gas (I looked pregnant!). The sucky thing was that kind of pains feels similar to hunger pains, so I kept wanting to eat, then having to remind myself that eating to excess would make it worse. I did fine with food, despite poor planning on what I brought in and then the pain. Yuck. I am feeling better this morning.

Anyway, I hope you all have a great week and I can’t wait to read some fantastic workout reports when I get back! I’m gonna miss my blog friends!

3 Days Down

I’ve lifted weights the past 3 days. While I’ve had to make some adjustments to the program, I’ve enjoyed the discipline of going to the gym.

In other news, I had a glass of milk for a snack and I feel gassy. I downed one of my digestive enzymes after the fact – let’s hope that sucker helps!

I planned out food for while I am vacation next week. Other than 2 meals, I plan to keep things pretty much “business as usual”. I know this will be tough since I’m sure hubby will be in full blown vacation mode, and my mom is concerned that we won’t have enough desserts with only pudding, jell-o and a trifle. She must make cookies! (So she claims). And the hubster will want a cooler of beer wherever we go. La. On the plus side, I’m taking my running shoes and my bike. Cardio has been a little slack this week while I work on the weight lifting. Next week cardio rules! And the following week I try to put all the pieces of this cardio/weights/healthy food triangle together – get this – at one time!!!

Some days I don’t want to write a deep post

But today I have to. I’ve been working on dealing with some of the final causes of my overeating and my need to remain overweight. I stepped across the line, retreated back into known territory for a week or so, and now find myself ready to step across the line again. That strange place called “a healthy relationship with food.” I don’t know that I’ll ever achieve full-time resident status, but at least I’ve made a couple of visits. And I mean into true healthy eating – not just following a strict “healthy eating plan”, which for me is just another form of the same problem.

Two posts I’ve read recently helped me on this vision quest of mine.

Here: http://whytheweight.blogspot.com/2005/06/new-attitude.html

And then this response:

http://iamthatgirlnow.blogspot.com/2005/06/on-food-and-eating.html

What it boils down to is this “The emotions are deflected onto something that I'm comfortable with feeling bad about.”

Because really, it’s a lot easier to feel bad about eating a bunch of nachos than it is to deal with the root causes of those bad feelings, isn’t it?

Went to the gym last night for leg night. It’s funny – I can walk out of the gym with my arms too exhausted to lift my car keys, but they’ll be fine the next day. On the other end of the spectrum, I can work my legs and feel okay but then be so sore the next day I can hardly walk up the stairs! So I did a “light” version of the leg routine so I could build up to it. I didn’t want to be too sore for the rest of the week. Finished out with 15 minutes on the elliptical and then went home and took my little dog for a 1 mile walk.

Tonight is back & chest. Yum!

Workout Review and “Ride for the Rice” postponed

“The Body Sculpting Bible for Women” actually has 5 different workouts in it. Two beginner, 2 intermediate, and 1 advanced. I started using the advanced workout. It is a 6 day a week plan. Upper body is divided up into 2 workouts, with the third workout a lower body.

I made a couple of changes. For one, they recommended doing 3 lower body workouts, and 3 upper. You alternate weeks so that 1 week you might hit bis & tris twice, and the following week you hit chest & back twice. I don’t need to lift 3 times per week with my legs since my walking and running help with that already. My leg muscles are pretty good and I want to build my upper more, so I opted to do each workout twice per week.

The other thing is that again they are using supersets (which I like). In weeks 1 & 2 you are doing 3 sets of each exercise, except what they really want you to do is an exercise for sets 1 & 3, with a different exercise for the middle set. You are already combining opposing muscle exercises, so you would have 4 exercises in one superset. That’s a lot of equipment to hog. What I may do is the primary exercise 1 week, and use the alternate the next week. If it sounds confusing – well it kinda is. They want you to do a lot of different exercises for the muscles, which does make sense. The more ways you use it, the better you’ve worked it.

Last night’s workout was a good one. I had to skip the final set of concentration curls & kickbacks because my biceps simply refused to lift the weight. I guess I could have gone down in weight, but I just left it off. Good workout!

When I got home from the gym I wanted to go for a bike ride, but my tire was flat and the pump was in hubby’s van. And he wasn’t home from work. So I fast walked 3 miles instead. Since it was a new lifting plan, I opted to wait until I’d gotten used to it a little before I rode to the gym. I wanted to pick up some steamed rice from the Chinese place to go with dinner (I hate making rice in a pot and my rice maker died. I know, lame). I thought I’d ride my bike to the Chinese place, but – denied! I am really looking forward to riding down at the beach next week.

So, lots of good exercise yesterday!

I love the farmer’s market. I love chopping a whole cucumber and a whole fresh tomato, putting it all into 2 bowls and calling it “salad”. Dressing optional. I made a quickie red beans & rice last night, with some Boca veggie crumbles, beans, and chopped veggies. A little homemade Cajun seasoning blend, and dinner was ready in 15 minutes. Oh, and I did make rice in a pot.

Hubby is out of town the rest of the week. TV dinners, here I come! I had a tv dinner Sunday night – the brand was San Angelo or something – it was Italian. Vegetable lasagna. I remember being impressed in the grocery – 230 calories. Then I read the box while it heated. Yeah – 230 calories per serving. With 1.5 servings in that tiny little box. I hate that crap. Really. How deceptive!

So, exercise good. Food, good. Plan in place. I even got some sewing done last night while I watched a movie. Yay me!

The Dog Days of Summer

Saturday morning I walked out of the grocery, sniffed the air, and said to myself "Summer is here."

But I'm not a very bright woman, meaning I didn't act on that realization. I would have gotten more sewing and less tv viewing done Saturday had I turned the air conditioning on. But I was stubborn.

Then Sunday I should have asked the hubby to help me close some of the windows I can't close before he left for work, but I didn't. So the dogs and I layed around watching tivo-ed lame sci-fi movies, panting and bemoaning our fate. The coolness of beer kept me refreshed (and a cold bath). I did a llittle sewing, but not as much as I wanted due to utter lack of motivation.

The thing I hate most about weekends like this (and the reason why I want to put them behind me - besides wanting to have a waist) is the fact that in retrospect I always come away feeling like I have wasted my time. I could have watched movies while sewing and would have enjoyed my time more.

Oh well.

Today is day 1 of my 6 day a week lifting experiement. I am curious to see how I like this routine relative to the one I have been using. I'll keep you posted.

TGIF

Not a very original title, but the truth. It’s been a super tiring week, with the end of school, the rainy weather, and resulting lack of energy on my part. Here’s to a quiet weekend of puttering around the house while watching all the cool movies I Tivo-ed off Sci-fi channel’s movie marathon last weekend.

Hubby will be playing D&D, so I should be able to have some “me” time even though he will be home. And the boy is going to visit with grandpa until Wednesday. I’m trying to figure out what is the simplest, healthy thing I can feed myself for dinners next week. I’m taking a week off cooking!

Blech.

I woke up feeling like utter crap. Terrible headache. Someone please remove my head. I did nothing to earn a hangover, so please don’t give me one. I am sitting here eating animal cookies and having a diet Sprite, hoping the second 800 mg Motrin of the day will please make me feel like a human.

Lucky I ran when I got home last night – it was raining really hard this morning. I stayed in bed since witches melt in the rain. So does sugar. Which am I, hmmm????

I ate crap after dinner last night. Not a lot, but enough that the remorse more than outweighs the pleasure derived from the food. Lesson re-learned for the 5,672nd time, thanks.

I am supposed to lift weights tonight. I will if I feel like a human by then. I am going to try the 6 day a week program – just call me loony.

We’re Here to Pump You Up!

(I loved that skit on SNL)

This new phase of my lifting is killer! It has you doing 8 – 10 reps of the same exercises, but 4 sets instead of 3. The book organizes them into giant sets of 4 exercises each, but the weight room was packed so I couldn’t hog that many weights at once! I broke each giant set in half. I don’t know if it was that 4th set or what, but I was whipped! After I finished, I had about 15 minutes to wait for the boy. I sat down in the back of his class, leaned my head against the wall, and fell asleep!

Hopefully my run won’t get rained out tomorrow morning – we’re looking at rain through Friday. :-(

Eating is fine – roughly 1530 calories yesterday – I had a glass of milk with a little chocolate syrup when I got home from the gym. Back on track and the water bloat seems to be subsiding.

I’m thinking of switching over to the 6 day a week weight training program – I need to read about it in my book tonight and make a decision. While it might be tough to motivate myself, I think it would pay off. Have you ever really seen something in your mind’s eye? I have a vision of where I want to take my body. Sculpted enough you can see the muscles, but smoother than a body builder (I don’t plan to lose that much fat!). That’s where I want to go, and summer is prime time for me to make progress because I am less hindered by my family’s schedule. What I want is totally realistic and attainable – not a look I can’t achieve or maintain. I see glimpses of it already. Like a sculptor, with clay – I just need to trim away a little of the excess to bring out the piece.

It’s getting there.