Craptacular

I left work in a totally pissy mood yesterday. So I went home & proceeded to graze my evening away, while reading a book and watching "Forever Knight". Not surprisingly, I was up 2 pounds this today. Blech.

I am just disappointed in myself. Why do I sell myself short?

The reason for all that angst-ridden mid-life crisis stuff of last weekend.

Stupid hormones. I should have looked at my calendar.

2 days without cardio. I felt lousy (see above) yesterday. I did the toughest chest & back workout I’ve done in forever (it was awesome!), but I had nothing left for spinning class. So I went home & read a book. Thank heavens for 800 mg Motrin.

Weights are excellent, cardio is slacking a bit (must fix that). Food is good. Attitude improving. Which is pretty amazing since my dog is on a new liver medicine which is $100 a month. People! I thought about asking the vet if he could write the prescription for my son so I could use my prescription card *smirk*. Hopefully it’s a temporary measure. Am I the only one that feels like the working middle class of this country can never catch a break?

Things that make me happy today (in no particular order):

1) I can still read cyclingnews.com to find out how Jan does at the tour of Germany!
2) My Chihuahua who lets me clutch her like a teddy bear when I wake up from a bad dream.
3) 800 mg Motrin
4) Books
5) A nice gas grill that my hubby knows how to use. It may be the only cooking the man can do, but he’ll get out there in the snow to make a nice steak!
6) A garden tub (aka “the command center”) in my bathroom
7) Sugar free fudgecicles
8) The best mom in the world
9) My husband at least got half the money his evil former boss owed him.
10) It’s a mere 88 degrees today. I thought I was going to melt yesterday at 103!
11) Lack of buffalo pretzel bites in the vending machine. Someone knew that yesterday I would have purcahsed 5 bags and called them my 5 "mini-meals".

“Fake it till you make it” – and some meal ideas

Renee summed it up perfectly in my comments – and that’s what I’m doing. I’m eating healthy, exercising, and trying not to be bitter that the rest of the country gets to eat deep fried twinkies. (For the record, that sounds gross, and most people LOOK like they go around eating deep fried twinkies.)

Last night we went to the gym for weights (I did arms). Hub was done, so rather than make him wait while I did the elliptical I walked 2 miles at 8 pm last night – it was a tad bit cooler but just as muggy. The heat is supposed to break tomorrow. Exercise and eating: check. Hub is grilling a healthy meal tonight while I go to the gym for chest & back & spinning class.

Attitude, improving. I think it’s the combination of let-down after being so wrapped up in cycling for the past couple of months, and the realization that I’ll never be rich, famous, win a nobel prize in economics, or write a best selling novel. I guess I’ll have to settle for being a good parent & wife & employee & daughter. That doesn’t sound too bad. :-)

I don’t know about you, but in the summer I’m not much of one for cooking. Here’s some simple stuff we’ve eaten this week, in case you are curious or need ideas.

Monday: did some of those Gorton’s frozen “grilled fillets” in the toaster oven (it was too hot to use the big oven). Added some grilled shrimp & grilled veggies.

Grilled vegetables: Zucchini, onions, mushrooms, squash, bell pepper – add either Italian dressing or just a little olive oil& vinegar. YUM!

Tuesday: Quickie red beans & rice, with salad. This is as easy as you want it to be. You can simply heat a can of red beans, adding onion & garlic powder and some Cajun seasoning. Last night I went a little fancier: I sautéed onion, bell pepper, garlic, & celery. Then added some diced light turkey kielbasa (you can also use veggie crumbles or diced chicken), the beans, and Cajun seasoning blend. Serve over rice you picked up from the Chinese place on the way home (just don’t get anything else while you’re there!!)

Tonight hub is grilling some chicken breasts (aren’t boneless skinless chicken breasts a godsend?), vegetables, and corn.

As you can see, the name of the game this week is “Don’t use the kitchen”.

Like a salmon swimming upstream

If my attitude were a stream, I’d be the salmon fighting against the current. Everything wants to be about lethargy – “Why go to the gym? Drink a beer on the sofa instead” is the evil chant I hear in my head. I know that doing that won’t get me what I want. So I frantically fight my way against the current of ennui. Why do I suffer this unfocused sense of dissatisfaction?

On the plus side, I walked roughly 5 miles yesterday, ate healthy foods, and finished the housework left from the weekend. Tonight I am going to the gym with hubby, and I will do the elliptical while I am there. I guess I’m just feeling overwhelmed by life, the universe, & everything. It’ll pass I know. We can’t always feel chipper & empowered, but doesn’t it stink when we don’t? :-)

Monday Monday

Blah blah blah. The room came out great – everything is done except the valences. I ran out of steam, & spent yesterday afternoon watching movies with the hubby.

I am proud of what we accomplished in the boy’s room. He worked really hard and did a great job of picking out the fabric, paint, etc. I will post pics once I get them.

I am disappointed that I didn’t make better food choices & get in a bit more exercise. Although I did go for a 7 mile bike ride to test out the new front fork & new tires. Very nice! I also got a new seat, but haven’t tried it out yet. The sheets were too soft yesterday.

As far as fitness & nutrition go, I feel like I’m trapped in a holding pattern of mediocrity.

I’m okay!

Inadvertent day off home with sick child. Two episodes of poor food choices, due to $$ stress. No “free” meals this weekend for you, chubs. Hub is having to drive out of town to his former employer, because they have not sent his final paycheck. They’ve said “the check’s in the mail” for a month, and they are gonna have one very unhappy linebacker looking Indian on their doorstep this afternoon!

I seriously doubt I will ever get to the point where stress doesn’t make me want to jump into a vat of cheese dip, with a tanker truck of cold beer pulled up alongside. I just manage to do it less often. Sigh.

Hey - Jan made up 36 seconds yesterday. This thing is so going down to the wire for me!

Behold the power of eggs (and other random thoughts)

I’ve noticed that when I eat oatmeal I get really hungry by my morning snack, and am hungry again by lunch. But a couple of eggs chopped up with mustard and a dab of light mayo put the kaibosh on morning hunger, although I do still need that AM snack. Eggs, you are my friend.

If you are reading this, I have a bone to pick with you. Why hasn’t anyone told me about the amazing culinary miracle that is cocoa powder? If I’m hungry before heading to the gym, a glass of milk is a favorite. I wanted chocolate milk yesterday, so I added 1 T of cocoa powder (20 calories) and a packet of splenda to my milk. It was like dark chocolate milk. Yum! Forget about expensive instant cocoa packets this winter. Why have y’all been holding out on me & not telling me about this stuff? And I thought it was just for baking!

Although my toenails are no longer painted T-Mobile pink, I am wearing my Eiffel tower earrings. Which I picked up on a certain very special July weekend, in Paris, in 1991.

I am signed up for spinning class tonight. My husband has announced his intention to go test drive his new shorts by going for a bike ride. Hurray!!!! And he went to the gym with me last night to lift weights. It makes me so happy to see him taking an interest in his fitness.

I feel chubby this morning. I hate that. Also, running this morning was miserable. No breeze, just muck. Ugh.

Renee writes some really great, thought provoking stuff over at her blog. Some writers act as if you talk about the cultural challenges to losing weight, you aren’t taking personal responsibility. I think that’s crap. Does the cashier at BK put a gun to my head & make me eat there? No. But their marketing team tries their very best to convince me to eat there, usually in the evenings when I’m tired & my defenses are down.

If America were a party, we’d be a big family reunion, with tables groaning under the weight of homemade desserts & fried catfish & potato salad etc. And your Aunt Mable would be following you around all day saying stuff like “Don’t you want to try the peach cobbler? I know it was your favorite when you were little. I made it just for you. Don’t you love me??”

Corporate America plays on 2 common (although unattractive) human traits: our desire for instant gratification, and a bizarre sense of entitlement. We all suffer from it to varying degrees, and they play on it. “You work hard. You deserve to let us cook your favorite fried chicken for you.” Doesn’t mean we have to give in to it, but it does make things tough at times.

Right now I am listening to the Pussycat Dolls “Don’t Cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?” Mmmm – that’s the kind of attitude I need to cultivate! *lol*

The nuts & bolts of fat loss

First of all, I love the article over at Renee’s (it's a few items down). In a nutshell, the philosophy is “live like a thin person and your body will follow”. This is the same concept Fred uses in his book (his blog, onefatman, was one of the first I ever read). So I’m trying it. When I go to spinning, I don’t lament that I’m the chunkiest one there. I try to notice the good muscle tone when I’m lifting. I think to myself “If I were maintaining 130 would I eat this?”

Hub needs to do some work on my bike. He has offered to replace my tires with road tires & remove my front shocks. Thus, turning my hybrid a little more “road” bike-esque. In the meantime, I am going to spinning, which is good. I think my cardio was a little too low intensity. Judging from my heart rate & sweatiness, this isn’t a problem with cycling. So, more cycling & less walking.

I had a fabulous 5 mile run Sunday morning. I haven’t written much about running lately because I had gotten a little ho-hum about it. When that happens, I drop back & just do my personal minimum until I get fired up again. Which always happens.

My new cycling shorts came yesterday. They are plain black, which will be perfect with my T-Mobile jersey I plan to get for myself for Christmas. :-)

Food is going well. I’m proud to say I had exactly one beer this entire past weekend (after the week before, I needed a break!). Planned out some yummy dinners for this week – last night was salmon patties, sautéed zucchini, & baked tomatoes. YUM! Food is on target and physically I always feel better when that is the case.

Nothing terribly exciting, but doing the right thing tends to be a series of small steps in the right direction, with a couple of mis-steps from time to time.

The weekend and the post I didn’t post

First the weekend:

Wow! What a relaxing weekend. I spent time getting my house in order (literally – it had gotten a little messy for me). I use the Flylady sytem when it gets bad - clean for 15 & break for 15 until it’s done. I watched an entire dvd of “Forever Knight” episodes (5 episodes I think) 15 minutes at a time. Shopping done, house clean, cooking done, son’s curtains and tie-backs cut out. Woo hoo! And T de F watched of course.

Food and exercise were also good. Mostly healthy food, reasonable portions, plenty of exercise. Saturday I lifted weights and took a spinning class, Sunday I ran 5 miles (AM) and rode my bike (PM).

Things that make me happy:
Sugar free popsicles. At 12.5 cents each, these are a wonderful summer treat. At 15 calories each, they are a guilt free summer treat. My new “crack.”
The old guy by the door at the Y saying to me “What a wonderful smile” as I left class. He made my day.
The friendly guy in line behind me at the cafeteria Saturday night. And their yummy turnip greens.
My bicycle.
My MP3 player – because who can’t help but run faster when listening to “Fat Bottomed Girls” by Queen?

There are plenty more, but that’ll do for now.

The post I didn’t post

I had a post in my head Friday, which I didn’t post due to time limitations. Now I’m glad I didn’t. Saturday morning I went to the gym, lifted weights, and then did spinning class. As I was leaving, there was an old man sitting by the door (like my grandpa’s age). He said “Nice smile” as I walked by. I said thank you and he replied “You’ve got it all.” That hit me like a ton of bricks. My first thought was “yes”. My second thought was “No – I don’t have Jan Ullrich scrubbing my kitchen floor wearing nothing but a thong.” (Because a man that does housework is the sexiest!). Then I realized that even though there I things I might want that I don’t have, I do have everything that matters. That sureness has remained with me ever since.

My mom’s dad was raised by his grandparents. His parents divorced (in like 1917 – I’m amazed it was legal!) and his mom worked in a textile mill. She later re-married, but he always lived with his grandparents. I can’t understand what it was to grow up in those circumstances in that time. Maybe it was easier – his grandparents were good people, he had happy childhood memories, and maybe people didn’t obsess over their angst as much back then. I don’t know.

But I do know that he never allowed self-pity to take over his life. And he never let fear hold him back from doing the things he wanted, or having a family, or being a terrific dad and granddad. He was not “damaged” by that experience.

Then I compare that to my dad & his mom, both of whom have allowed their childhoods to warp them in some terrible way. Both prefer to cast themselves as the perpetual victim, saying poor me, and never taking any personal responsibility for actions in relationships after they became adults. They find being the victim and living in that fear better than admitting to mistakes and accepting responsibility. How pitiful. Did you hate Gollum or pity him? Or a little of both?

To no one’s surprise, my dad wrote me back and said that family didn’t mean much to him and he had no interest in having a relationship with his only grandchild. I had a fairly bitter post lined up Friday. But when I really thought about it, I remembered that I have vowed to not be the 3rd generation to fall into that trap. Yes, I am mad at my dad. It’s hard to juggle all the things in life, but that doesn’t mean the children from your first marriage should be considered disposable when it gets to be tough. What he has done makes me angry, and hurt. But mostly I feel sorry for him. He’s the big loser here – not me, and not my son. How pathetic that at nearly 60 he cannot say “I’m sorry”. How miserable his life must be to forever carry a burden he refuses to release.

Sailing off the side of a mountain

Did you watch the Tour yesterday? Did you see the guy, drinking out of his water bottle, and as a result, drifting to the side of the road, then off the road and into the Alpine meadow? I admit, I was laughing my a$$ off (it’s that whole German schadenfreude mentality). Not only did it give me a new motto “Friends don’t let friends drink and drift”, it got me to thinking about the last couple of days.

Remember when I said I didn’t want to go to Pa, but I didn’t want the hubby to drive alone? Well, I told him I’d go, then I immediately started to get ill. I had a migraine threatening most of the day yesterday, my face is broken out, and by last night I was so demoralized than I became the helpless victim as the alien inhabiting my body bought beer & Chinese take-out.

In short, I made a choice that was bad for me and my stress levels went through the roof, sending mind & body spiraling into oblivion. I have a ton to do, and I’m tired. But because I have no sense of balance in my life, I was going to do what was best for hubby, while downplaying what I really needed. Only my body staged a rebellion. Hub is insisting I stay home, and I am grateful.

As in so many parts of my life, I utterly lack balance. I have been married before, and frankly I can’t say I was the best wife. I’m not the best wife now either, but I try to be a good wife. And I love my husband, so sometimes I ignore what I really need. Sometimes self-sacrifice is the right thing to do, sometimes it isn’t, but I haven’t really figured out how to tell the difference. Gee, sounds a lot like my diet & exercise habits, huh?

When it was said & done, that just means I’ve already eaten 1 (of 2) of this week’s cheat meals. Done, move on. Got up and ran. Thank you that we had a thunderstorm yesterday which cleaned some of the humidity out of the air. My run actually felt pretty decent this morning.

Also, I’m not a vending machine ho, but I sure wish they would stop with the buffalo wing flavored pretzels. I’m a hot sauce fan (I own different types for different things, and I firmly believe hot sauce goes well on popcorn, pizza, and eggs – as well as most other savory foods). I had to score a bag this morning while heating my breakfast, just in case they ran out. Pitiful. At least today I will eat them in place of something, as opposed, to “in addition!” Bye bye healthy food – you’ve been bumped by buffalo pretzels. Pretzels loaded in fat. Curse you, fast food industry! Hey – maybe I’ll just save them in my drawer for a rainy day (proverbial I mean, it’s raining right now). I wonder how long I can hold out?????

I’m sad about Jens – even though I think their team acted poorly in the TT, he seems like a genuinely nice guy. It’s a bad break to get sick during the tour. Maybe their team is cursed for their poor sportsmanship – the ranks are getting thin over at CSC.

Is it just me?

Am I the only person that thinks with helmet and those big glasses, Rasmussen looks like an anorexic version of Michael Jackson? The guy really creeps me out.

I took a night off last night – by the time I got home I was physically tried and mentally toast. I sat in a chair. I’m feeling a little better today.

I did run 2 miles in the morning, and walk at lunch, so the day wasn’t an utter waste.

I am too tired to write anything profound, but for those of you that check, I am still alive!

It’s easier to not eat it than it is to work it off

This is my new mantra. Example 1: Last night at dinner, I had made a very healthy homemade lasagna. We came in from our walk, had a nice salad, and a portion of lasagna. After eating it, I carried my plate back into the kitchen for seconds. After all, it was healthy! It had cottage cheese and veggie crumbles! I cut off a piece and thought “That’s too much”. When I checked with my stomach I realized it wasn’t the one asking for more – that was my taste buds. I put down the spatula, washed the plate, and froze the rest for another day. Yes, it would have tasted good, but I didn’t need it. The fact that it was healthy didn’t make it okay to eat to excess, you know?

Cut to this morning for example 2: I’m dropping Butch & Carmen at the vet. Since I packed my breakfast I was eating later than usual, and I had to “drive the gauntlet” past a plethora of fast food places – with my tummy rumbling. Like I’m gonna starve to death in the 15 minutes it takes to get to work from the vet – please. I kept repeating that phrase in my head. I had a healthy breakfast packed and ready – yes, being hungry is uncomfortable – but delaying breakfast 30 minutes is no reason to eat junk.

I’m not saying starve to lose weight, but I am guilty of this A LOT. Namely, I use taste, convenience, or even my fitness regime as an excuse to eat. I was guilty of this when I was running a lot – justifying my extra food as necessary because of my running. Yes we have to fuel our bodies properly for exercise. It’s a fine line to fuel for fitness and still lose weight. I erred on the side of overconsumption. I am trying to make myself aware of it and prevent it. This is a long standing problem with me. When I was pregnant, I used my need for calcium as an excuse to make myself a vanilla milkshake every night. (Isn’t that a cliche – chubby girl using pregnancy as an excuse to eat way more than necessary.)

I have taken my exercise up another notch. I have this total blasé attitude about lifting weights – until I get to the gym. Then I’m all into it. I have the opposite with cardio – running and biking are a lot more fun in my mind than they are in the miserable humidity of a southern summer. But I’m doing more of both – go figure. Hitting the gym 3 times a week is easy now – I’m still working on making 5 the new 2, but I’ve worked up to 3 as a base. I’m getting up and walking/running as usual, walking at lunch, and I’ve added walking the dogs with the hub in the evening. The dogs are happy about this turn of events!

Hub is going to Pa this weekend. I don’t want him to have to make the trip alone, but I really vehemently do not want to go. I want to stay home. Should I be a good wife & go, or stay home? He says I can do what I want. It’s a “lose lose” proposition. Ugh!

Why do I Bother Making Plans???

Nothing this weekend worked out how I planned, but it was nice anyway. I had 2 “cheat” meals – both lunches. This works well for me – for one because I feel jipped if I use all my treat food and then am faced with a treatless Sunday. And having my treats for lunch, I tend to eat less than I would at dinner, and stand a better chance of working it off since I don’t fall into a food-induced coma afterwards.

Exercise was also not what I planned, but was good. A couple of walks, lawn mowing, and a nice run. My own “inner critic” started yammering while I was walking Saturday morning “you used to run 18 miles and here you are, walking 2. That’s not exercise! You should not even bother and go home and take care of stuff for the family instead.” I never have a gag handy when I need one. I kept walking – so there, you whiny brat.

I watched the Tour (of course) – my boy Jan was looking good!

No costuming occurred as we went shopping for the stuff to re-decorate the boy’s room. He picked out the fabrics, paint, etc himself. It is going to look very nice – I will post before and after pics. It is going to have a kind of “South Seas” thing going on, but a more adult version of that theme.

It was a pretty tight weekend, but I did have time to watch a movie from Netflix “Blind Spot: Hitler’s Secretary”. It was a series of interviews with Traudl Junge, which were conducted in 2001. She was one of his final secretaries, and took the dictation for his final testaments. I thought it was very interesting. Not everyone’s cup of tea, but I am an avid WWII buff – I guess because my own family came here in the late 30’s from Germany. Which is an interesting story in itself – my great grandfather was an engineer and apparently knew a lot early on about the German re-armament program because of where he worked. Anyway, he elected to leave, come to America, and tell the gov’t everything he knew about the re-armament program. I always have very ambivalent feelings about people who say they had no idea what was going on. Yes, from his job he knew Hitler planned war. But he hated Hitler for political reasons. I dunno – I wasn’t there, so I guess I can’t judge. But I find the period very interesting. And I’m glad they left, although I loved living in Germany.

Well, I guess that’s about it. I am meeting my mom & son at Earth Fare for lunch (kinda like a Whole Foods) – they have a great deli.

The best laid plans….

A little lady named Cynthia derailed my biking plans last night. She was whipping through western NC, creating flash floods and tornadoes in her path. I left work in a heck of a downpour, wondering what to do for dinner since grilling was right out!

I get home to find hub sitting on the side of the bed, all teary-eyed. On the way home on the country road I like to run on, he’d seen a dog which had been hit. He stopped, called the vet, called the owner, and comforted the dog until his people could get there. Hub didn’t think the little guy was going to make it. We are dog people, so this whole thing really tore him up. The funny part was at bedtime - the dogs knew he was upset. Butchie and Bess both climbed over to snuggle him. (Bess sleeps in bed with us, but Butchie doesn't. But he knew that hub needed extra loving.) Carmen would never dream of getting up on furniture - she's waaaay too well behaved!

Anyway, we decided to just grab something from the new Mexican place around the corner. Not a huge disaster – yes, I had to move the chip basket to keep my paw out of it, but I got grilled chicken breasts with grilled onions. It was yummy! Of course I did have a couple of beers with hub when I got home (Miller Lite you are my nemesis!).

But I was still down another pounds today – ha!

Tonight is dinner with our neighbors – Mexican, oddly enough. Tomorrow hub is off to play D&D. Looks like the weather is clearing, so plenty of opportunity for exercise, healthy eating, and sewing while watching a certain bike race on TV.

Thanks for the kinds words regarding my last post – I didn’t know G, but when these things happen it is a painful reminder that taking care of ourselves is important. Looking good in a pair of size 8 jeans would be cool, but living a long healthy life is where it’s at.

Just another day at the office

Our department admin, R, came in the front door. Sitting in a chair near the entrance was her friend, G. R asked G how she was doing, and G said she was feeling a little tired. About lunchtime, the paramedics wheeled G’s lifeless body out of our office, after she collapsed outside the ladies room. G was overweight, and suffered from diabetes and high blood pressure.

Sometimes life has a way of reminding us of our mortality, and rarely are these ways pleasant.

Remembering your childhood dreams

When I was a girl, I wanted to be an Air Force pilot when I grew up. This wasn’t one of those passing dreams, it started about the time I was my son’s age (10 or 11) and lasted until high school. Until I discovered that I was too little to pass the flight physical. The joys of being petite.

But this isn’t about that dream – it’s about another dream. One I had nearly forgotten, it was buried so deeply. One summer I saw the movie “Breaking Away”. I was probably 13 or 14 when I saw it. This movie is about cycling like Rocky is about boxing – it’s really about LIFE, but uses a sport as the vehicle to drive the story. I don’t recall why this movie touched me so, but it reached something locked deep inside.

I grew up in a place and time where nice girls didn’t sweat, and playing soccer was pushing the outer envelope of acceptable behavior. You weren’t supposed to suck at gym, but you weren’t supposed to enjoy it either.

But I really connected with that movie – it made me want to “break away”. I spent that summer riding my bike for miles and miles. I didn’t want to be a cyclist – I wanted to know who I was.

Life, convention, and my dad reasserted authority, and my quest to discover just who it was living inside this body was postponed for another day. Tonight after the hub and I go to the gym, I’ll get my bike out of the back, send him home to cook dinner, and do a little bit more “breaking away.”

Cliffhanger

I am so glad I carefully avoided all news outlets yesterday. I even squatted facing away from the TV at the gym because there was cycling news on. What an amazing race! Hub is really getting into it too, now that he understands the rules & strategies a little bit.

Nothing new to report, which is good. Yesterday: 2 mile run, walk at lunch, weight training (legs) after work. Food on track. But I was pooped for some reason, so I used my morning “pass” today (I get one a week) and slept in until 5:45! Oh the luxury! *lol* I wasn’t the only one – my husband fell asleep on the sofa – very unusual for him. Must be the heat & humidity.

Walking Tall

The good news is that I seem to have successfully integrated 3 workouts per day into my routine. (Thank you Excel, you have helped me!). I am using the word “workout” generously – “intentional movement” is probably more accurate. My morning walk or run is a workout – my evening trip to the gym is a workout. My walk at lunch with my friend isn’t really – I neither sweat nor breathe hard. But I move, which is better than nothing. That coupled with my good eating lately has me feeling a lot less puffy. So I am walking tall, feeling like I’m looking less chubby. I wish this whole process wasn’t so slow sometimes, but at least I feel like I’m moving forward again.

I have to remember not to check any news sites after 10:30 or so. I am tivo-ing the Tour every day and I don’t want the day’s stage spoiled by knowing the outcome before I watch it on tv. Especially today!

Hub is going to be gone Saturday – off to play D&D with his friends. So, home alone Saturday night. I wonder what mischief I can concoct!

A little bit of everything

The Tour

Y’all just throw your tomatoes now (as long as they’re home grown!), but I am not rooting for Lance in the Tour, and I was really bummed Saturday. I very much want Jan Ullrich to win. There you go. Also, what a gentleman Ivan Basso must be – I loved the way he was helping Zebriski Sunday. Very cool.

The weekend

Very nice. Got stuff done (cleaning, sewing, cook-out), but still feel rested.

Workouts were great – I like my new leg workout. Nice DOMS Sunday from Friday’s leg work – just the right amount of soreness. Did an entire upper body Saturday – turns out I had to do it quickly because the gym was closing in 30 minutes. But since I had the weight room to myself I could move quickly. Ran yesterday – the humidity was a killer! I think I’ll plan to do a shorter run and then ride the bike since I can’t seem to do a long run in this weather. And I grew up here! I could’ve done more from an aerobic perspective, but I was toast because of the weather.

Food was good too. A couple of treats (beer & a piece of pie), but nothing too outrageous. Lots of good exercise – walking, running, & lifting.

Girlfight

Not the best name maybe, but an excellent movie. An indie flick made long before “Million Dollar Baby”, it’s about an inner city teenager who finds the perfect outlet for her rage in the boxing ring. Not a Cinderella story like “Rocky”, but I thought the overall message was very good. Worth renting.

Marshmallow People

I read somewhere that Europeans refer to Americans as “marshmallow people.” (Thanks to Starbuck’s and McD’s they won’t be able to talk for much longer though – ha!) I saw a family Friday that made me believe it. It was a grandma, mom, & daughter out to eat together. All were overweight. At 12-13, the daughter was well on her weigh to obesity, if not there already. Mom reminded me of a starfish – she couldn’t put her arms next to her body or her legs straight because of the weight. I can’t tell you how much it made my heart hurt. For them, but also for a country where only the cheap hot dogs go on sale. I don't want to sound "holier than thou" because I've been 50 pounds overweight (ouch). And I still struggle. I don't pretend to understand what it means to be 100+ pounds overweight, but I do have empathy. I guess I had the whole weight thing on the brain after reading this e-mail from Flylady on Friday. She had received this from a reader:

Dear Flylady,

DD and I went to Walmart yesterday, and we stopped off at McDonalds
for an ice cream cone. As we were eating our ice cream cone, this mom
comes in with her 3 children. One of the younger children had said she
wanted a plain cheeseburger. The mom had then asked her if she wanted
a plain cheeseburger or a double cheeseburger?

Now keep in mind this little one must have been 4 years old. So the
little one says that she just wants the regular one. Then the other
kids said the same thing (approximate ages for the three
girls...10,7,4). The mom tells them that the regular cheeseburger is
almost as much as the double burger ( the regular is a few cents
cheaper than a double).

The kids insist they only want a regular but the mom proceeds to buy
double cheeseburgers for everyone. At this time I am asking myself why
she is pushing all this extra food on her little kids. Yes, you get
more food for your money and I am all for getting the best deal, but a
double cheeseburger for a 4 year old??? Any way I tell myself maybe
she is going to save part of it for later (after all there has to be
an explanation for this).

Much to my dismay, she then proceeds to get upset with the little
sweetie when she says she is full and doesn't want anymore. She tells
her that she has just wasted good money and she will not be getting an
ice cream with the rest of her sisters. She started to cry and said OK
mommy I will finish it, I just couldn't believe it!

I felt like pulling that little girl aside and giving her a big hug!
My heart was just crying with her.

I just had to tell someone who would get my frustration and heartache
over this.

Talk to you later,
C
------------------------------------

How did we ever let it all get so crazy?

It’s hard – hard when we live in a place that glorifies thinness but shows fried sandwich commercials every 10 seconds on tv. Hard when more is cheaper than what we want or need. I am thankful I can come to a virtual place where I can get support and understanding. I probably would have given up a long time ago without it.

Keep blogging.

Edy’s all fruit line popsicles – they aren’t just for humans!

Yes, I shared a popsicle with my dog Carmen, who loved it! She clearly wanted to bite it, but couldn’t figure out how, so she settled for licking it. Too funny! (I'm posting a pic of Carmen).


One pound of beach fat gone. Bye bye pudge. Still 2.5 pounds over my low. Headed the right way though.

The spreadsheet has helped – I have washed my face and flossed/brushed my teeth every single night to earn my little check mark. I will reach my goal of 25 out of 30 boxes checked. My reward is some Oil of Olay eye cream. God I’m getting old!

Workouts are going good. I had a cool run this morning – fartleks, I hate/love you. Accelerated up a hill, then sprinted until my lungs cried uncle. I was mighty red-faced for “only” a 2 mile run. Lifted weights 3 times so far this week – I’m doing legs tonight and an entire upper body tomorrow afternoon. I’m going alone tonight (hub only goes 3 times per week), but we are going together tomorrow. I’ve walked/ran 4 mornings and one evening, and made all my lunchtime walks. Sunday I begin to crank up the intensity.

The part about my dad

Jank, I have to disagree. Family isn’t always there. Maybe they should be, but sadly the ideal and reality fail to align all too often.

1) When I was 10 or 11, I threatened to commit suicide. My dad told my mom he didn’t have enough money to help pay for counseling. (he was building a new house with his new wife)
2) My dad re-married when I was 10. No one knew he had a girlfriend. He mailed me a postcard to tell me.
3) When I was 11, a stranger asked his wife when she was due. (A stranger to me - he was a friend of hers). That’s how I found out I was going to be a sister.
4) When I decided to join the Army, my dad told me it was the worst decision I’d ever made and I would regret it the rest of my life. This is important because of
5) When I found out I was pregnant with my son and decided to get out of the army, my dad told me it was the worst decision I’d ever made and I would regret it for the rest of my life. And that I would wind up flipping burgers because I’d never amount to anything. And that I should get an abortion because I wasn’t competent to be a parent.
6) The last words my dad said to me were “You are the biggest disappointment of my life.”

At best my dad was thoughtless, at worst emotionally abusive. I can’t comprehend what it takes for a parent to behave that way. From what I’ve read, I bet most of you can’t. But it doesn’t mean that these people don’t procreate.

I wrote my dad because at my brother’s wedding my son didn’t know who my father was. That’s his only grandchild. I’d like for them to have a relationship – that’s why I wrote. When Father Bob asked me if I wanted a relationship beyond civility with my dad the answer I gave was no. There are friends and family you let into your circle of emotional vulnerability – you trust those people. I don’t trust my dad to have my interests in mind when he says or does anything. I don’t know him. But his track record stinks.

I’ve done what I can. Now I am working on letting that go. I have other things I need to focus on.

I am working on Monday (my choice). I’m taking a day off later in the month. Then my big vacation next month. I hope all my blogfriends have a great holiday.