End of the week – Party!!!!

Gotta say I’m glad this week is over. It’s been a doosy!

Hub and I had a situation earlier in the week where another couple (well, the wife) basically picked a fight with hub bad enough to end the friendship. The root cause is jealousy. It really stinks and we’re both angry & upset – this totally came out of left field. We have a lot of mutual friends, who have made it plain (to them) they need to resolve the issue themselves. This could make things a bit awkward at some of our medieval stuff. It makes me sad – I hate to see grown people act so immature.

I did pretty well despite the stressful situations, and managed to post a half pound loss. Yay!!! Now I am really fired up. I’d like to go to kickboxing tomorrow morning, but am torn between that & lifting weights. Of course, I could always go to kickboxing and then lift later in the day. Or lift this afternoon. Hmmm…. I have a long (4 mile) run scheduled for Sunday. Good times!

I get a very good (free) motivational e-newsletter from Tom Venuto. I really recommend it – even though his focus is on the weights, it has a lot to offer even for folks that aren’t so into the lifting. If you google his name, you’ll get to his site.

On another note, things calmed down on my yahoo group. It’s a great group of ladies – small, so not a lot of traffic, but very supportive. If you are looking for a small, low volume group to you to provide some support in your fitness journey, I would recommend it. Drop me an email, and I’ll put you in touch with the moderator.

Hub is doing yard work and working on his (and the boy’s) armor this weekend. I will be happily puttering about my house. I have so much to do I know I won’t be able to squeeze it all in. But I plan to enjoy every minute of it!

I will leave you with this thought, courtesy of Tom V.:

“Successful people TAKE ACTION! They are testing things, they are doing things, they are in almost perpetual motion! Unsuccessful people are always “thinking about it” creating plans, preparing, getting things ready, or god forbid, waiting until “the time is right” such as “until new years,” “when finals are over,” "after vacation" or “after the kids go back to school.”

14 focused on 14

It was kind of ironic – when I got on the scale last Friday I realized that there were 14 weeks left in the year and I had 14 pounds to get back to where I was. Pretty sad. I’d like to say my goal is to get back there by year end, but I don’t think that’s possible. My goal is to focus on behaviors that will move the scale, and achieve the best results I can while staying sane. I’m hoping that if I can focus & see some real results for those 14 weeks, I’ll be excited enough to keep it up. Hey, I was in basic training nearly that long, right??? Actually, now it’s only 13 and a half. Ha!

So, here’s the plan:
1. Plan my food and stick to it. Give myself a small snack after dinner, but don’t turn it into “license to munch.”

2. Limit my free meals. These are slipping again. I’ve decided to limit my free meals and dole them out for each half pound lost, with a cap of 3 in a week. I know, food as a reward for losing weight. Maybe cheese dip can provide incentive. I’m willing to try.

3. I’ve buddied up with a friend and have promised to report my food & exercise, and how close I stuck to my plan. Even if all she does is delete it, I’ve shared it.

In the interest of full disclosure, here is a recap of yesterday and the plan for today:
Yesterday:
am: 2 mile walk/run
b: spinach/crab quiche
s: cottage cheese & berries
l: boca burger on a slice of white wheat, homemade veggie soup, salad
s: 2 slices ff bologna, orange
pm: 25 minutes on the treadmill (200 cal burned according to the machine)
d: lentil soup
s: ff sf chocolate pudding

So, I stuck to my plan. One day down, 6 months to go! Woo hoo! (Ugh :-)

Here's today:
am: 2 mile walk/run
b: spinach/crab quiche
s: cottage cheese & berries
l: boca burger on a slice of white wheat, homemade veggie soup, salad
s: 2 slices ff bologna, orange
pm: lift weights
d: beef noodle casserole
s: ff sf chocolate pudding

Yesterday was not a good day. For one, I really hate waking up to a sink full of dirty dishes when the hub has agreed to wash them. And its happening more frequently. We talked yesterday afternoon, and he didn’t realize how much he was slacking. So hopefully that will get better. Then we had system issues at work. I left a yahoo group I’ve been in for over 4 years (I was a founding member) because a woman on the list sent an email intended to be personal where she pretty much slammed a couple of us. “You do have to watch what you say there-- we have a few-- that do not believe in extra marital affairs-- etc. So sometimes watch what you say.” There was more, but you get the idea. Nice, huh? And the topper was that hub had taken the day off to move his mom (yes, she got a full time job at a storage unit place – apartment included – about an hour away) and after spending the day moving her, he got to fill up the moving van before he turned it in. You know we paid for it. Is she a winner or what?

But, you know what? I feel a heck of a lot better today. I have fresh music on the MP3 player. The boy was in a good mood this morning. Things with the hubster are on an upswing (always nice!), and I just feel like I’m getting a handle on life, the universe, .. everything. Ha! But you know what I mean. I was in a total funk last night, I think I used it all up. I hope so!

Have a good one!

Starting fresh

Things are looking much better today, for a few reasons.

Hub and I sat down and talked. Like a lot of couples, we sometimes get so caught up in the day to day, we fail to take the time to sit down and really talk. Even though we let things go longer than we should, we do make time and really talk about things honestly. That's not easy for either of us though. :-)

So, things are looking much better. We're having some issues with the boy putting the effort into school that he should be, so we've had to tighten up the screws a little bit and get more strict about how much time he needs to spend studying. He's not happy, but he didn't freak out either when we set down the new rules.

I spent the weekend going way overboard foodwise. I've also sat down some stricter rules for myself about my diet and exercise. I think part of my unhappiness is that I have not been really taking care of myself the way I should so I feel guilty and not up to par physically either. But I have a plan to work on that.

I guess this weekend was about mapping out strategies for dealing with issues on many fronts. That's not always easy, but its necessary.

Just wanted everyone to know that I'm okay. I come here to vent & let off steam, and then I pick myself up & keep going. Anyway, feeling a lot more positive today.

Take care you guys!

How to diet, yet remain fat

Today’s title is ripped off from fatcyclist’s blog, where I found a pretty interesting post with that title.

Fat C. wrote a post about various diets he had tried, how much weight he’d lost, and how much weight he regained when he went off the diet (hence the name of his blog I guess).

That’s very different than my experience of the past 3 years or so. Convinced that diets don’t work, I’ve tried instead to “change my lifestyle.” This has been partly successful – I’ve been able to make exercise (cardio and weights) a regular part of my life. We may part ways for a bit – but I know we are forever linked together. I cook at home on a regular basis, and we all eat a homemade lunch and breakfast. Sure, there are weeks where we may go out twice (gasp!), but that’s now the exception. I eat more fruits and vegetables, and overall I believe my diet is healthier.

BUT. But I do not eat few enough calories to lose weight consistently – or even to maintain the loss I’d achieved. I was thinking on the drive in this morning how much I hope that I haven’t gained weight this week because the number on the scale last week hurt my heart. I remember how frustrated I felt when I was stuck at 150.5, and how badly I wanted to see the 140s. And now I’d be happy if I could see 150.5 by the end of the year. But I go home and eat chips & salsa & beer because it’s the only thing I can do to make myself feel better right now. And I just want to sooth myself because my heart hurts and I can’t really talk to anyone (except here) and I’m thinking how tomorrow night I have to sit down and talk about this stuff with my husband. Stuff we’ve been avoiding all week and how I really don’t want to, but I’m a grown-up and we can’t ignore things that won’t just magically go away – they’ll eat at our relationship. But who enjoys cleaning infection out of a wound? It happens in relationships – its normal and you have issues and you deal with them and move on and that’s life but it sure isn’t the fun part of life. And it’ll feel so much better if I think about it with an order of jalepeno poppers from Sonic.

So my lifestyle is much healthier, but it isn’t a lifestyle that leads to weight loss and if I really want to lose weight maybe I need to think about the dreaded ‘d’ word.

Time to move some metal

First off, thanks for the kind words – as always. This isn’t the kind of blog that gets a lot of traffic or a lot of comments, but I find a lot of support here. I appreciate it very much.

Right now my feelings are very raw and all in a jumble. The only way I feel like I can handle them is to hide behind some cheese dip and a frosty cold beverage. Sigh. I know that isn’t the best way, but right now I feel like I need a little time to create a little distance before I can get on with the work of dealing with the things we obviously need to address. It always comes down to my husband’s inability to communicate his feelings. I don’t know how to change that. I may not be able to. But we can’t keep having the same problems over and over. The cycle has to be broken – he agrees, but it doesn’t happen.

After work yesterday I just couldn’t stand the thought of going home right away, so I went shopping. This was probably a mistake. I bought a pair of jeans – size 14. Gross. I’m down to one pair of jeans that fit, and I can’t get through the winter with one pair of jeans. I also bought a shirt (on clearance) – a nice white one to wear to work, 3 pair of shoes (for Pennsic – they were like $7 apiece!), and a dozen washcloths. Those were $3.40! I have a thing for white washcloths – my theory is how do I know my face is clean if I’m using a colored washcloth? Hey – I used to only be able to use white towels also. I blame the Army for my towel weirdness.

I went home & ate Mexican for dinner. I feel like poo – I didn’t exercise at all yesterday, and I slept in this morning. The boy & I have a dermatologist appointment this afternoon – I’m hoping that after that I can squeeze in a trip to the gym at some point this evening. I feel like I’ve totally derailed even though its only been 1 day and Monday dinner. And I worked out Monday. I’ve got to baby step my way back to my good habits. They are like a rock. So why do I let go when I get stressed?

Inadvertent hiatus

I didn’t mean to not post for days on end, it just happened. I was dead tired Friday, plus busy at work then busy at home. I was gone from 6 am to 10 pm Saturday, then went to a friend’s house Sunday. So it was very busy. Food wasn’t too bad – until yesterday.

I went to the gym after work & had a really great lifting session. I went home all happy & pumped up, with a great dinner planned. Hub and I had a really bad fight. Really bad. One of those where there isn’t a lot of shouting, but you feel like the foundation of your marriage has just experienced an earthquake. First I couldn’t eat, then I couldn’t stop. I had a small pizza for dinner. Light cheese, not all the crust, but an entire small pizza. And 2 beers. It tasted like crap, and I ate every bit of it just so I could stop feeling for just a few minutes.

Right now I feel tired (needless to say, I didn’t sleep so hot) and thoroughly defeated.

It’s my blog and I’ll whine if I want to!

While singing the praises of creatine, I snuck the down side in and no one even noticed. Creatine works its magic (in part) by drawing water into the muscles. Extra water = extra???. Yup, the scale was up 2 pounds. Ouch! I know its just water, and that water is helping me feel better and lift better, but as paranoid as I am about the freaking scale right now, that hurt.

I was all ready to finish the week out on a high note, but no. Hub wanted a beer last night, which meant he wanted company drinking a beer. When I said no, he badgered. I told him straight up that I was tired and one would be too many and 12 wouldn’t be enough. I warned him. Remember that T-shirt “Instant a$$hole. Just add alcohol.”? Yeah, that was me last night. There went my free night. Jinkies. I ate a bunch of crap, and woke up this morning feeling defeated. Like I’ll never be able to lose weight, I’ll always be a slave to food, and I had a headache to boot.

I am only working a half day today – I have loads to do this afternoon since I’ll be out of town both days this weekend (on 2 different road trips). It’s gonna be a busy one. At least I won’t have a lot of time to lay around and eat crap.

Fall?

The past couple of days have been overcast & rainy – giving us a brief hint of fall. Tomorrow we’re back to sunny & 80, but for yesterday & today its low 70s & cloudy. I had the perfect dinner planned for yesterday – baked pork chops, sweet potatoes, and creamed spinach. Even my son said “This is the perfect dinner for today.” Some days it’s the little things that make me happy.

I went to the gym yesterday afternoon. My legs were still pretty sore from kickboxing, so I left my leg exercises off and did the rest. I was shocked at how much stronger my upper body was! I upped weights and/or reps on everything. Was it because I left off the leg exercises? I dunno, but I was pleased. It felt awesome. Then I went home, had a hot bath, & fixed supper.

I must’ve been tired last night because I totally slept through my run time this morning. Not I “decided not to get up”, I mean I never even noticed I was supposed to wake up – I just slept. Well, I guess that means I needed it. I had planned to take this afternoon off anyway, so I guess maybe I’ll walk 2 miles. It’s going to be cool enough.

Things are still going well with exercise & food. My only gripe is that I wish this felt normal. It feels good, but I keep waiting for the shoe to drop. I want to throw the shoe away!

Promise made, promise kept

Can I just take a moment to say how much I didn’t want to go to kickboxing yesterday? (Of course I can – it’s my blog. Ha!) I mean really. Did. Not. Want. To. Go. But I got in my car, called a friend, called hub. He was sympathetic “Yeah, I know how you feel. But go.” So I drove past my first exit, then my second, and that’s all the exits there are for our town – I was committed! It was hard, and I was tired, but I was truly glad I went. I had a light supper and that was plenty. It’s like I told myself in the car, if I had gone home, what would I have done? Eat? Yeah, probably. Going was the better option for sure.

This morning’s mantra was “feet on floor.” I was tired, but I got in a good 2 mile run. It’s been super busy here today (I got here early. Not only my boss already here, but he was already on the phone with HIS boss!). So the day has flown by. In short, things are going well.

Do I want to lift weights this afternoon? Heck no! What would make a good bribe? The promise of a nice long tub? Getting tomorrow afternoon off? Must. Go. To. The. Gym.

The weird thing is I have fun when I get there, so why don’t I ever want to go? Mystery of the ages people.

Be in the now

I was thinking as I was running this morning about how often when I am exercising, my mind is on the 43 things I will be doing after I work out. On the weekend I'm thinking about when I'll finish my run, what time I'll get out to the grocery, how long the shopping will take, etc etc. Weekday weight lifting sessions are filled with what time I need to finish to pick up th eboy to get dinner done... you get the idea.

I feel like I'm cheating myself in my workouts - instead of putting the most into my workout, my brain has already moved on to the next thing. I know that during the week I need to set limits so that I'm back by 6, but when I leave the house I generally have a good idea of how far I can go and get home on time.

Today I lifted weights after work. I only looked at my watch once. I didn't promise to pick up the boy - as a matter of fact I was so tired after my workout that I called hub and asked him to take care of that. To get the most out of my workout, my brain needs to be there as well as my body. I don't promise that I will always be this mindful, but I'm trying.

My workout was awesome - I really pushed myself and it felt great. I ran 2 miles this morning - mostly running, and that was good too. I had a beer both Saturday and Sunday nights, but other than that, my food was pretty decent this weekend. I'm working on it. :-)

Well, that's about it.

Hello

Hmmm... I am in the mood to munch, so I am posting here instead. So far this has been a nice weekend. Friday we cleaned up the house some, so that we could go out of town for the day Saturday. We got up yesterday morning, went to the gym and lifted weights, then came home, packed the car, & headed out. We had a nice day, although it was very hot. As much as I love spring & summer, I'm looking forward to cooler weather.

My workout yesterday morning was excellent! I'm not sore, and I really pushed it hard. My 2 free meals were Thursday and Friday evenings, both of which I overdid a bit. But yesterday was fine, and today has been okay so far. I was scheduled for a 5 mile run this morning, but the heat really took it out of me yesterday. I walked 2 miles instead - I will either do my run tonight or in the morning - it depends on how I feel.

We did teambuilding at work Friday, although our boss had a couple of meetings at the office. I have the feeling that we are going to have a very busy week! This presentation is turning in to a 2-headed hydra. I am looking forward to it being over I must admit, although it has been a great opportunity and challenge.

Well, I am going to go. Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

“Anger is a gift.” – graffiti by the side of Pla-de-Beret.

Rant on.

I was so pissed off this morning! Here’s the deal: my neck is still hurting and my PMS is killing me and I’m working hard and I feel like poo…. I go home last night and while hub is taking the boy to tkd I make a nice supper. They get home and immediately get into a big fight – the boy is upset that hub has set out mouse traps (we have a mouse that is getting from the garage into the kitchen.) He asks me to pick up some of those “humane” traps with the one way door, which I do since I had to stop by W-M on the way home anyway. They had one, so I bought it. The hub refuses to put it out or take down the spring traps. The boy gets all upset (he loves all animals) and goes to his room, crying. So dinner is ruined, I feel like crap. I eat and head for the tub, after which I had a beer (just one – I went to the store and bought just one) and finished off the pint of lowfat Haagan-Daz coffee ice cream. Hub meanwhile spends the evening watching tv, talking to friends on the phone, and emailing. What do I wake up to this morning? If you guessed a filthy kitchen you’d be right. I totally lost it. I cook, and he’s supposed to clean, but “he didn’t feel like it.” I packed my lunch & left – no breakfast made for anyone, no lunches packed. The boy can buy it and hub can pack his own damn lunch. Oh yeah – and the mouse? He’d avoided the spring traps for days, but was in the humane trap in under an hour.

Rant off.

I had an awesome (anger fueled) run this morning. I flirted with the idea of sleeping in, then told myself I could “just walk”. By the time I left the house I needed to run harder than a race horse. Two miles later, I was sweaty, panting, and my calves were cramping up. Good times.

Other than last night, food is going fine. I won’t be in the office tomorrow, so I weighed today – I was down half a pound. I would’ve liked more, but it’s a start.

From bodybuilding.com: “So, what is creatine? Our bodies naturally make the compound, which is used to supply energy to our muscles. It is produced in the liver, pancreas, and kidneys, and is transported to the body's muscles through the bloodstream. Once it reaches the muscles, it is converted into phosphocreatine (creatine phosphate). This high-powered metabolite is used to regenerate the muscles' ultimate energy source, ATP (adenosine triphosphate). Creatine's ability to enhance energy reserves in muscles comes from its muscle protein synthesizing action, while minimizing protein breakdown. This occurs because creatine has the awesome effect of super-hydrating muscle cells with water. It enhances muscles' growth too-making muscle fibers bigger and stronger.” That says it better than I could.

Well, back to the salt mine. Have a good one.

Ahhhh, the magic of creatine

I don’t take a huge number of supplements, but I am willing to try something new. Several folks have recommended creatine to me, so I ponied up the cash and ordered a bottle off bodybuilding.com. I have to say I’m impressed. I went to the gym yesterday and lifted pretty hard – I did my best to kick my own a$$. But I’m not sore today. I slept pretty hard, which is typical after a good weight session, but no soreness. Hurray!

I got up this morning and walked for 2 miles. I ran pretty hard yesterday plus lifted, so I decided to keep it light today. So that’s the workout. Tonight is more sewing.

Food is about the same as yesterday, except dinner tonight is baked fish, salad and ??. Rice, maybe.

I hate to even write about it and potentially jinx it, but I’m in a good place right now. Instead of making a bunch of charts and checking them, I’m trying to slowly change my habits. Getting up is easier this week, and I did a lot more at the gym. Food is much better. I’m still planning out my meals, but I’m pretty much just taking everything one day at a time. I’m afraid if I start setting up a bunch of fancy charts for myself, I’ll set some impossible goal & then freak out when I don’t achieve it. I have a ramp-up plan, but no hard timeline around it – just ramping up a bit more each week until I’m at my exercise target. I am adding a mile a week to my long run – I did 4 miles this past weekend. Baby steps, right?

It’s in the rain (my run that is)

I previewed my first workout DVD from Netflix – “Crunch Bootcamp”. It was pretty decent and would make a good sub for a trip to the gym. Not sure it would be a good sub for a run IMO. Anyhow, I still don’t have the tv set up, nor do I have a good cardio DVD. Yesterday morning I skipped my run due to rain, opting to do it in the afternoon. It wasn’t raining and it was cooler, but it was pretty muggy. I did for 4 miles, mostly walking. This morning I was kinda cranky when I realized it was raining again, but I opted to run in the rain. I did 2 miles, mostly running. It wasn’t too bad – I had on a hat. My shoes got pretty squishy, but only on the top. The bottoms of my socks were dry, so I wasn’t worried about blisters. This morning felt like a really good run. I took my MP3 player, and as I came into the final cool down stretch, what song came on? Enya’s “It’s in the rain” from her new CD. Who says god doesn’t have a sense of humor? ;-)

Eats are going pretty good – although I really wanted to nosh last night while sewing. I wonder if the urge to snack after supper will ever go away? Here’s today’s food for the curious:

B: 1 egg, 1 egg white, ½ c oats with a bit of whey protein and mixed berries
S: cottage cheese and mixed berries
L: part of a steak, vegetable soup, salad
S: shredded chicken with bbq sauce, grapes
D: Family is having chicken casserole and green beans. I think I’ll make the casserole a side, and have chicken, a small serving of casserole, and green beans.

Here’s wishing you all runs as fun as mine was today!

Mixed bag

Food was better this weekend, exercise wasn’t. We were out of town all day Saturday, and had guests all weekend. I woke up to run this morning, but it was pouring. Must get hub to set up tv for workouts.

I am either going to run or go to the gym & do some cardio this afternoon. I have done something wonky to my back/neck, so no lifting today. Food is planned for the week – I’ve just go to stick to it.

October 17, 2003

Why is that date important? That's the last time I weighed as much as I did when I stepped on the scale this morning. 162 pounds. Ouch. I very much want to beat myself up right now, but that won't help I guess. I made a promise to myself I'd never get above 160 again, but I blew right by it. I'm very, very upset.

At least I got on the scale this morning. At least now I know where I am. I want to lose 13 pounds in 17 weeks. I can do this. I WILL do this. I don't want to keep ignoring my body. I don't know whether I should be comforted or discouraged by the fact that there is no end to this thing called keeping healthy. I admit, right now I'm leaning toward discouraged.

I will not use this as an excuse to pig out this weekend. I will not!!!!!!!