Parents look forward to summer too!

I love summer. The funny thing is, as an adult I love many of the same things I loved as a child. For example: no homework. Do you know how tired I am of asking about, helping with, nagging, quizzing, and internet surfing – all in the name of homework? No, I am not a mom that does her child’s homework. But I have to make sure it’s done, quiz on material, help some with the internet (although he is getting much better), etc etc. Just being supportive is tiring!

Also, free time. I had those really cool childhoods where we belonged to the pool down the road and I’d go spend weeks with my grandparents having all sorts of cool adventures. Staying with my grandparents are some of my happiest childhood memories. My cousin & I would stay, and then my mom & uncle would take time off work & come & spend time with all of us going to the beach or something. It was magical.

My son enjoys similar experiences. His grandpa lives about an hour away, and his grandma a half hour. His uncle (my ex step brother) lives down the street from his grandpa. His summers are spent at the lake - kayaking, fishing, swimming, and hanging out with pals. Because the hub & I both work, he spends the week with a grandparent, going back & forth as schedules & vacations dictate.

He loves it, and we love the extra time it gives us during the week. I can come in early enough to leave at 3, or come in late & stay late. I make my husband & I 2 meals apiece, which we simply heat up at our convenience – no cooking dinner every night! Summertime I get a taste of what life without kids is like - it’s the best of both worlds! I have a terrific son, but freedom & flexibility during the week. Sweet! Yay for free time!

Today is my son’s last day of school. Woo hoo! It’s been a challenging year in many ways. We are both so ready for the break! It was a combination of school and the age. As we enter into the teen years, I fear for our sanity: his, mine, and the hub’s.

I didn’t get to the gym last night – the boy had gone home with a friend, and they were at the house waiting as I turned off at the exit ramp. Oh, and we went out to eat, but I made a decent choice. So, not an on track evening, but not a huge disaster either. Back to the gym today to work out with trainer #2.

There is a yoga class at 9:30 Saturday that I’m gonna check out. I really need to up my exercise (IMO) – 3 HIIT sessions and 3 weight sessions are good. I wish I could ride my bike to work!!! But the traffic is just too bad. Maybe hit some evening classes at the gym and do my HIIT in the am? There are no early morning classes at the gym – how weird is that???

We are having a departmental off-site tomorrow, so have a good weekend!

Creativity in action!

It’s amazing how you can get inspired by a low carb tortilla. This week I made wraps for lunch – a thin center cut grilled pork chop with sliced avocado and jerk seasoning. I was thinking “chicken next week. Blah.” Then I started thinking how could I use up some of what is in the house already. Like, we have a bunch of turkey burgers. I could grill those up and slice them in a wrap with a little shredded cheese and salsa! Sometimes I just need to think about how I can use stuff in new ways. My new breakfast totally rocks – who would have thought I’d be raving about cottage cheese? See? Old stuff in new ways.

After a rough couple of weeks sleep-wise, I got a second good night of sleep last night. My body is feeling pretty tired & sore, so I didn’t get up and walk. I’m just going to do my weights & interval training and sneak in a yoga class at some point – I think I need it! I am working harder in the gym than I have in years. I’m not using heavy weights, so there isn’t a lot of DOMS soreness, but I feel that stiff & sore you get after yardwork or something. Maybe a yoga class would help.

I haven’t gotten on the scale in a while. It was making me crazy. I’m just working on working hard.

I need to buy some sugar free Fudgecicles – last night I was totally craving chocolate. I do have sugar free popsicles, but that quite get it.

Monday was grilling out, last night was crock pot, tonight is grilling out, tomorrow night is half crock pot (I’m making the chicken soup base in the crock pot and then making the matzo balls when I get home). I love the fact that my husband loves to grill and we can grill out so often this time of year. It makes my life easier. As do paper plates!

Hub is working today for a temp agency (a temp agency for contractors). Since the client wanted the people to do a drug screening, that’s a good sign that this job will last a while. So I’m hopeful that this place can keep him busy until something permanent comes through. He’s gotten a couple of calls in addition to the university, but that is the best thing by far and away. I know he is going to be so disappointed if he doesn’t get it. The guy wants to have a decision by the 11th, so please keep those good thoughts coming!

Other Stuff

I have actually discovered a way to eat cottage cheese! I won’t declare it delicious, but it’s pretty darn good. I take a small bowl & chop 6 almonds. Then I put ½ cup of cottage cheese, then on top of that I add frozen mixed berries (I use a blend of blackberries, blueberries, and raspberries). The frozen berries ‘freeze” the cottage cheese just enough to give it a consistency a bit like frozen yogurt. I can see adding maybe a packet of stevia and a couple of drops of vanilla, but even without that it’s like a tart dessert. I had a piece of toast made with Ezekiel bread in the car then ate the berries & cottage cheese about 8 am. Very healthy, high protein, and easy to do!

Startling Revelations to follow!

I have recently discovered something amazing: if you eat unhealthy food, you feel lousy. I know, but it’s true! These past couple of weeks have seen some poor snacking habits in the evening. I haven’t been sleeping well, leaving me with no energy by the time I get home from work. Not only that, but by last week I noticed I was starting to get tired more easily during my workouts. Last night I didn’t snack after dinner, and I slept great! Now I’m off to write a book and make a fortune! :-O

I was feeling seriously wiped by the time I left work yesterday, but I managed to ht the gym for a decent interval workout. The nice thing about those is that while tough, they are over quickly. Some days I add some extra on the end, but yesterday was not one of those days. I did the minimum, but I did it.

Lately I have felt like I’ve been holding onto the label “functional” by the skin of my teeth. I get home from work too tired to do anything but watch TV. My mom washed my dishes yesterday when she came over (bless her) and helped the boy with homework. One reason that party prep was so stressful was the fact that we had let the house get really messy. Not only does that bring my mood down, but it really took a long time to get it all squared away. Last night I managed to put away the last of my clean laundry and pack my gym bag. My plan for the week is to spend 15 minutes an evening on housework. We are having a friend over Saturday and I’d like the house to stay neat this week.

Some days I think I need a stay at home wife!

Thinking

First of all, I have to say this was a nice weekend. The cookout was a success – a lot of folks and a lot of fun. Friday was super busy running a bazillion errands and then Saturday morning my mom was kind enough to come over & lend a hand in getting the house ready. Have I mentioned she rocks?

I know I’ve written about this before, but a lot of my challenge with losing weight isn’t my love of food or the fact that I use it to fulfill emotional needs (although this is certainly true) – even more importantly is the fact that I receive a great deal of emotional payoff by being overweight. I am much more comfortable with my body when I am overweight than when I am not. Not happy mind you, but comfortable. And I would rather be comfortable and unhappy than happy and uncomfortable. But I sometimes forget that I have another choice: I can change the way I think. I can let go of the past. I can stop buying into the negative behavior patterns that are part of my personal history. I can acknowledge that I am a different person who would make different choices. I can let go of the emotional baggage. That’s hard. Really hard. But now that I am feeling more comfortable with all the normal day to day stuff in my life, I’m thinking about it.

Send good thoughts!

Hub went for a very promising interview this morning. He made the first cut so its down to 12 candidates. They plan to have someone selected by the 11th (two weeks). So, good thoughts please!!!

More about the dump

Thanks for all the comments. As always, I get a lot of great perspective. One thing that got me thinking about this in a more focused way was the article I was reading the other day about the results of one of those long term studies. The results were a “curve” of happiness that is shaped like the letter “U”: we are happy as kids, but once we reach adulthood we become progressively more unhappy until age 45, at which point people start becoming more happy and that happiness continues to increase. I guess that probably turns back around at some point based on health etc, but that’s the general idea. There were no conclusions drawn as to why happiness would look like that, but it got me thinking.

Every day at lunch I take a 30 minute walk with a friend. We’ve been doing this for 3 or 4 years. As a result, we’re pretty close, know an awful lot about each other’s marriages, and have grown in many ways as a result of the friendship. Here is a woman that outwardly is a poster child of success and happiness: a pretty good marriage of 20+ years, a strong faith and very active in her church, they both have good jobs and make good money, their house is paid for and they are tracking well in their retirement savings. No kids, but both are close with their families. And yet she suffers from the same feelings of anger, tiredness, lack of joy, inability to unwind… you get the idea. This reinforces to me that while I certainly carry some vestiges of anger around my dad & his family, people are feeling this way in general. We’re too wound up. We don’t have enough time to wind down. We’re too busy, too connected, and too caught up in it all to step off the treadmill – we can’t even find the exit or the proverbial “pause” button!

Jack’s grandma is pretty smart – if you have these feelings, you have to focus on fixing the source and not treating the symptom. And if you can’t control it, learn to let go. But how? I don’t have a clear cut answer, my friend doesn’t have an answer. One solution would be a radical change of lifestyle, but I choose to deal with this rather than create a situation where I forfeit my retirement savings, health care, and ability to pay for my son’s college education. Am I trading my mental health for material wealth? Maybe a little bit. It would be nice to create a “retreat” for myself, but my home is a source of a whole different set of stressors.

Like most moms, I am the hub that keeps the family wheel turning. I am the only one that cooks, I am the one that helps with homework, and while the household chores are pretty evenly divided, I am the only one who cares when things start really slipping.

In addition, I am the primary provider. My husband has an excellent work ethic, but his solution for every financial issue is “work harder.” He has no concept of financial planning – he couldn’t keep his checkbook balanced on his own! I have no issue at all with the income disparity, but it is hard because I am the captain of the ship and when it comes to finances, I have no ‘first mate” – its just me, myself, and I. My husband has no idea of how much we have saved for retirement, and would have no idea to figure out how much we will need. I do the budget, pay the bills, etc – in short, all long and short term decisions fall to me. And while I certainly would not want a husband that feels the need to run the show, it would be nice to feel like this area were more of a partnership. But I married the man I did, no regrets. And that’s not who he is. This rarely bothers me, but it’s another example of the responsibility I carry on my shoulders – largely unaided.

While physical activity is certainly a good physical outlet for me, it doesn’t feel like the mental outlet that I need as well. That’s the piece I feel I need to find. I know running etc. serves that purpose for some folks, it doesn’t fulfill that need in me – at least not completely.

One thing I’m thinking is that one night a week my son cooks and one night a week my husband cooks. Hub can grill and open a can of green beans. The boy will be a bit more work, but if I teach him how to make 4 things, then he has a month’s worth of dinners. Its tough to go to the gym, get home around 5 or 5;30, tired - and then have to fix supper. We have gone out the past 3 nights – that is utterly unheard of in my house!

The fact that I keep waffling between okay and not okay tells me that things aren’t “okay” – it’s a load I can only maintain for so long, and then I have to become basically non-functional for a few days, then get back to it. I’m no genius, but that doesn’t seem right to me.

I still have a lot to think about – I need to find something to help relieve the stress that doesn’t feel like another chore tacked onto my already too long list. Anyway, since you’ve followed the bouncing ball that is my mind for 2 whole days and gosh only knows how many pages – a recipe!

Baked Tomatoes

2 large tomatoes, sliced
4 or 5 large basil leaves, torn
¼ cup shredded cheddar (I like the 2% just fine)
2 T each of low fat and fat free mayo (You need the texture of the fat, so mixing lets you keep the calories low)

Take a small baking dish and layer tomatoes, sprinkling each layer with salt & pepper and some of the basil. Do this until your tomatoes are used up. Mix the mayo & cheese and drop in dollops around the top. I usually heat it in the microwave for 2 – 3 minutes, and then just brown it in the oven, or you can bake it (at 400 or so) if the oven is going to be on anyway. The temp is pretty forgiving – all you need to do is get it good & hot and the cheese melted.

This makes 2 side servings and is amazing!

Brain Dump

I’ve had a lot on my mind the past couple of days, and I feel the need to just do a sort of “brain dump” here on the old blog. Take this for what it is: my feelings about this stuff at this moment in time.

I have been in a very weird mood this week. Pretty much all I’ve wanted to do is sit in a chair & read a Star Trek book. I had a good weekend and Monday, then called hub on the way to the gym Monday afternoon. He was very stressed about a situation at work (the people ignored the contract and were only paying him half the money they owed him). He was very upset, as you can imagine. Yet another reason I hope he finds a steady job working for a decent sized company. Instead of going to the gym, I went to the grocery store. He still hasn’t been paid what they owe him, and it looks like he may have to take them to small claims court. It isn’t a lot of money, but the situation has me in an absolute fury.

Work is kinda frustrating right now. No one thing or person … just a set of frustrating circumstances has left me feeling less than fulfilled. I like my job and I know this will pass, but right now my enthusiasm is on the low side, and I am struggling to change that.

I am on a discussion list related to ‘my medieval thing’. Anyway, a person with authority sent out an email requesting feedback from the group of folks who will be tasked with implementing his decision. The very next email he sent stated that the decision was final. So why did you request feedback??? The change is BIG, and some people got upset. He then got all in a huff because people were questioning how well thought out the plan was and what his motivation was blah blah blah. Now, neither of those things was offered in an email, so of course people are speculating. This guy is a big fat pompous jerk who in real life is an utter waste and this group is the only place in society where he has any sort of authority, so of course he feels the need to exercise it like a race horse. I’ve seriously considered pointing out that by soliciting feedback, but then turning around and stating that the decision is final without offering any context or logical rationale trivializes the experience of the group being addressed, not to mention the fact that by handing down an edict without any effort to get buy-in from the group you are depending on to implement, you have just told them in effect that their work as anything other than unskilled labor is meaningless. But I haven’t. But I’m angry about the whole thing. Can you tell?

In a nutshell, I’m angry. The odd thing is that I didn’t really go on this medicine for depression (at least not in the classic sense), it was for anger. Little things piss me off. I know we all say that, but I mean, little things leave me in a white hot fury that keeps me awake at night. That’s not healthy and I’m just not sure how to deal with it. Please don’t suggest counseling – our insurance doesn’t cover it and I can’t afford it. Maybe its running, maybe its meditation, I don’t know, but I need to find a way. Anybody know any good books?

I don’t have a lot of serious bad things to deal with in my life – I mean, yeah, my husband’s work situation means our income flow varies wildly, but we’re managing okay although I do feel like we tend to overspend. But we aren’t digging ourselves deeper in debt, so its not mega serious. I will say it feels serious to me though. But other than that, we have a nice home, we are healthy – yeah, we have the same speed bumps we all experience, but I can’t say I feel like we have more than the average bear.

But what I am left with is a pt of anger. These little things make it flare up, but its like the ember of that fury is always there just waiting for something to happen. Why am I so furious? I have some bad stuff in my childhood that has certainly made me angry and bitter and some of that has dragged well into my adulthood. Maybe I haven’t let that go? Maybe it’s just my personality? Maybe it’s a character trait I need to work on? I don’t know. But I look around at the world around me and I know I’m not alone. People are angry and something as simple as driving to the office or stopping in the grocery will prove that point. Maybe the source is completely outside of me. I can’t change society, but I can change my perception. I’m just not sure how.

Maybe trying to go off this medicine is a bad idea.

In other news, I’ve been using light beer, light nachos, and low cal ice cream in inappropriate quantities to cool down that white hot fury. And hiding in a book. I don’t think this is the best way to handle stress, but despite my searching, I still haven’t found a better way. It’s ironic: despite the many blessings of my life, I feel like overall my quality of life is average at best. I read an article the other day that said that adults become increasingly unhappy in adulthood, peaking at age 45. After that, they became progressively happier. But I don’t want to wait until my child is out of the house or I’m retired to feel joy.

Wondering

Last week was difficult. I know I’ve skirted about the edges of my frustration about my weight. The thing is, since I started on the Wellbutrin about 16 months ago, I’ve gained 15 pounds and cannot get it off. Some of the stuff I’ve tried has been stupid enough that I haven’t written about it here. For example, the 2 weeks where I only ate every other day. I mean, hello!??! This is just nuts. I’m down to a ¼ dosage anyway, so I’ve decided to stop taking it. I’d rather be a little skittery around the edges and able to lose weight than not. Last week I pretty much reached the “why bother?” point. I mean, if I can’t lose weight, then why bother with healthy eating? That’s not a very good attitude. In any case, I never planned to stay on this stuff forever.

I got a lot of sewing done this weekend, and hub made good progress on the roof for the deck. The weather was very good, so that was nice. Due to some circumstances, we ended up not going out of town. On the one hand, I do feel bad we didn’t make it. But it was nice to be home – we were both getting pretty tired out.

I was pretty much in a sulk until I decided to stop with the medicine – it helped when I needed it, but I think the time is passed. I had a good workout yesterday and plan to start getting into better habits (again) this week. I think I needed to get to a point where I was this frustrated to take this step, even though I have known for a while of other people that have experienced similar issues with weight while taking this. I’ll keep ya posted.

I am taking Friday off. It is our 5 year wedding anniversary. Sometimes I just can’t believe it. I am a very lucky woman to have such a great husband. He’s a really good guy. We’re having a cookout with a few friends on Saturday, but overall just a quiet weekend. We’d originally planned to go out of town, but he asked if we could stay home instead. I feel a nice sushi dinner coming on…..

Have a good one!

I don’t wanna!

I know I’ve mentioned that tomorrow we have the dubious pleasure of driving 5 hours (one way) to run the youth combat at an event down near the Ga/SC border. For some reason, this has been a tough week. I have been tired, which has made sticking to healthy foods difficult (even more difficult than normal I mean), and I really just want to hang out at home. But I will be a responsible person and do the right thing. Ugh.

I got out of work late and the hub needed to work late yesterday, so I did not get to work out. I am going to the gym today, and I do have an appointment with Mr. Hardcore trainer Sunday afternoon. So that should help out.

I just have a lot to do and feel a bit overwhelmed. The plus side is that I am taking a half day off today so I can get a head start. Hub is always good about helping out, but I know he wants to work on the deck Sunday, so the more we can get done today the better.

Okay - enough whining! I hope you all have a good weekend!

Wake me up when it’s the weekend

I am pooped! This has been a relatively hectic week – errands after work Monday, gym Tuesday, a half day off site team builder yesterday - we went to a baseball game and it was hot and we weren’t in the shade. Good fun, but the heat really takes it out of you. After that I met the hub at an attorney’s office – we’ve been married 5 years as of next Friday and we don’t have wills or any of that stuff. So we needed to take care of that. Today is a half day off site walking through the activities of the mid year departmental team builder (I am on the committee that runs these things) followed by the gym. I am taking a half day off tomorrow so I can clean my house, do my shopping, and get all my stuff together for our marathon road trip Saturday – we are driving down and back and its 5 hours one way so we can run the youth combat activities at an event down in SC. I get tired just thinking about it.

All this activity and tiredness has made healthy eating tough – like many folks, when I get tired my remedy is food. Nothing terrible, but a couple of evenings have involved a cold beer. Which is very nice but does nothing to help my weight loss any. Oh well, I have made many good choices as well, so status quo it is for the week.

The boy only has 2 more week of school – 9 and a half days to be precise. I think we’re all tired of this year and ready for it to be over. I wish I could find an affordable alternative for next year. I’ve found other schools I like, but nothing near the cost of this one. I will keep looking – I just haven’t been very happy with things under the new principal, and the lady who will be his main teacher next year is a nutcase.

I’ve been watching a show on Sci-Fi channel called “Special Unit 2” – it’s a cop show about a police unit that handles monsters. Its funny – not as dark as “Forever Knight”. We all really like it. A nice bit of fluff in the evenings. I don’t like real police shows, but this is good. And I don’t typically endorse TV.

Take care!

Quickly

Just wanted to let you know that I ate a healthy dinner, a healthy snack, and I had an excellent workout yesterday. No worries, I didn't drown in a vat of cheese dip!

I'll be away from my desk all day, but I just wanted to thank you for the encouragement, kicks in the pants, etc. I just needed to vent.

Have a good one!

I do not wish to go to the gym.

It’s hot. I want to drink iced tea and play with Sculpey. I just looked at some pictures of myself taken recently at various activities here at work. I could weep. It makes me want to eat a cookie. Therein lies the problem.

I have lunches accociated with activities here at work the next couple of days. Thursday won't be too bad, but tomorrow we are eating lunch at a baseball game! People, what is the healthy choice at the ball field??? Should I just eat in the car on the way there??? Sigh.

I skipped the gym yesterday AND had two beers last night. No wonder I look so dreadful in pictures.

Yes, I am feeling disocuraged.

Permission granted to not sweat the small stuff (and it’s all small stuff)

This weekend was all about enjoying myself. No getting worked up about anything, finding the middle of the road, relaxing. Took the boat out on the lake yesterday evening, played around with my Sculpey (that stuff is so much fun!), did my shopping/cooking for the week, got the house tidied up & had company over Saturday night… Just a nice relaxing weekend, with very cooperative weather to boot.

Suffering a wee bit of the carb bloat today, but no complaints. Oh – and I found some inexpensive capris that fit and look nice enough for work. I bought 3 colors! Hopefully, these will get me through the next few weeks until I can get back in my old ones again. And I will.

F U scale, I’m listening to the pants!!!

I’m sure you are all astute enough to infer from the title that today’s weigh in was not a life affirming experience (are they ever?). I was down a half pound from last weekend *growl*. However, I am taking your comments to heart. The truth is these past couple of weeks I have hit the gym harder than I have in 2 years or so. According to the measurements by trainer 2, I have lost 10 pounds of lean mass. While I take that with a grain of salt (different method of measure on top of the fact that hydration level skews results), I cannot deny that I have lost muscle mass. And I have been busting butt to get it back. That may be contributing to the scale evilness.

On the other hand, I wore a pair of pants yesterday that I haven’t worn in 2 or 3 weeks. It was my inability to get into those pants that drove me into the depths of despair. While that may sound dramatic, it isn’t far from the truth. I now have 4 pair of pants to wear to work, as opposed to 3. Woo hoo! I’m paying attention to the pants. Stupid scale.

Workouts are good. Evening snacking is going okay (last night was a protein shake and a slim-a-bear).

I came home last night to a super deep cleaned house. Love it! There is stuff that needs to be picked up and put away (my stuff & stuff that hub doesn’t know what to do with), but not a whole lot. It felt so nice to walk into a house that smelled clean.

We went to my mom’s after dinner last night to pick up the boy – she had picked him up from school to mow her yard. Since we were not too far away, we went by C0stC0 – so that errand is off my plate. I have my gym bag in the car so I can stop in after work. I plan to get a lot done this evening, gym then dinner then nails painted then grocery shopping. That way I can just tidy the house a bit tomorrow and hang out with mom. Our plan is to have lunch (I’m thinking the excellent Mediterranean deli near the college) and then we are doing Sculpey. I haven’t done that in ages, so I am really looking forward to it. The boys are going to play paintball so my house will be quiet.

Sunday I will do my usual cooking. Nothing super special other than taking the boat out on the lake. We will probably just buy a sandwich at Subway to take with us. The past couple of years Mother’s Day has just been miserable thanks to MIL, so this year we’re just not doing anything special.

I hope you all have a nice weekend and a nice Mother’s Day.

Poster child for the department of agriculture

First, thanks for the snack ideas!

One nice thing about this time of year is the wonderful selection of fruits and vegetables available at the farmer’s market, which is why my lunchbox looks like an ad for the dept. of agriculture. Breakfast was pretty typical: protein shake and oatmeal with mixed berries. Snack is cucumber slices, 3 small tomatoes and a salmon patty. Lunch is turkey meatloaf, green beans, salad, and corn on the cob. Afternoon snack is grapes and low fat laughing cow cheese (yum!). The thing is about to explode! I need a bigger lunchbox!

One of my most favorite things to make this time of year is baked tomatoes and no matter how many I make they are GONE. Luckily, there was some corn left to add to my lunch today because the baked chicken and tomatoes were history. I make dinner and sometimes think there will be leftovers, but then I remember who I live with!

I’m doing pretty good. Workout Tuesday afternoon was good – my triceps are sore! Woo hoo! Yesterday I went to the gym and did interval training – mostly on the treadmill but when my calves were really cramping I jumped on an elliptical. So I got in a really good workout. I also jogged/walked yesterday morning, but I slept in today because I was pooped. Not too surprising since I woke up at 4:30 yesterday!

If one were to go back and read my archives (although I cannot imagine for the life of me why anyone would), I’m sure many posts discuss my “all or nothing” way of thinking, which is a path that only leads to sorrow because no one is perfect at anything all the time. Tom Venuto talks about the “90/10” rule: that is, making healthy, properly sized choices 90% of the time and giving yourself permission 10% to indulge. Not go crazy, but there’s the place to have a piece of wedding cake or the homemade tamales you’ve been crazing (was that my out loud voice?). He also goes on to point out that if you eat 6 times a day, that means 10% of the time equals 4 meals. Even that seems a bit daunting. I think I need a plan “B”.

Here’s a good plan “B”: http://www.skwigg.com/id76.html

The concept? To quote the great Skwigg: “Plan B involves staying on track by cheating all over the place… Don't go berserko with the planning and the pressure and the forced will-power. You're just setting yourself up for another failure.If trying to get your eating under control causes a massive rebound binge, then you need to re-think your approach. “

The point is to find a compromise. Now, compromise is not my strong suit, but I am willing to try new things since the old ones haven’t been working so hot. It’s like I talked about last time: turning that last “meal” of the day into a treat, but one that closely follows the principles of healthy eating. I’m not going to pretend that non-alcoholic beer or Slim-a-bear 100 calorie ice cream bars are healthy eating, but if they are paired with a good protein choice, then they beat falling into a vat of cheese dip.

My sweet snack might look like a slim-a-bear ice cream sandwich and a protein shake (chocolate of course!). A good salty snack is 4 Light tortilla chips (51 calories), a shy ¼ cup fat free refried beans (50 calories), 2 oz. ground turkey (50 cal) and salsa. Add a faux beer on the side and you’ve got Mexican & beer! I might even go wild and do some homemade faux-mole (guacamole with peas added to bulk it out).

Yesterday on the way to the gym I was listening to one of my favorite tunes “Lola’s Theme” by Shape UK. Besides being upbeat and happy, I really like the lyrics.

Looking back...
I know I was walking around in disguise
Looking back...
I was just a loss so I needed a guy
and the moment that you came to change my life
(Looking back together yeah)
you fired up my heart and made me smile
you and I know that......

I'm a different person, Yeah
turned my world around
I'm a different person, Yeah
turned my world around
I'm a different person, Yeah
turned my world around

Okay, not super deep, but it reminds me that exercise has really turned my life around. I’m still overweight, and sometimes I get pretty down, but I’ve never given up my workouts. I’m glad for this lifelong habit.

I read a quote somewhere on the internet, but I don’t remember where so I’m not sure who said it. The gist was “I look at a person’s arms and legs and can see whether they work out. I look at a person’s midsection and can tell how healthy their diet is.” Ouch! Did I mention what the trainer said during our session last week after I asked him to increase the intensity of my workout? It was a throwaway comment for him, but it really hurt. Basically he said, “When you walked in here, I would never have guessed that you could work out at this intensity or that you were as strong as you are.” Again, ouch. My fat is hiding my fit. I know that, but to hear a professional say they underestimated my fitness because of my fat is painful. I know it was meant as a compliment, but still, it made me think.

I need a new plan

For the past few days, I’ve noticed that my eating is great during the day & falls to pieces at night. Part of that is certainly emotional, but I am also plain hungry after dinner.

We eat pretty early, so it isn’t really surprising that I get hungry before bed. Besides, I generally eat a small dinner, so a snack is perfectly in order. The problem is that I don’t plan well, so I wind up cruising around looking for something, and before I know it I have cheese dip or ice cream in my grubby paw. I need to plan a couple of healthy but yummy after dinner snacks (a salty choice & a sweet choice) to have around for when that happens.

Any ideas? I’m thinking maybe baked chips, refried beans, and low fat cheese would be a good choice. If I limit the chips, select ff beans, and maybe add some lean ground turkey. On the sweet, I may just splurge and buy some reduced cal ice cream treats – its getting to be that time of year. What do you eat when you want something without “ruining” the day? And while that may sound dramatic, anyone who has tried to lose weight knows that just 300 calories or so can be the difference between success and failure.

I skipped the gym Sunday, staying home to lend a hand with the deck project (which is looking great BTW. And I know I’m slack but I will take some pictures!!! I am meeting with the trainer this afternoon, and my bag is in the car.

I’m really struggling here. I know I am doing the right things (most of the time), but I am feeling so demoralized about my weight. And feeling so down makes it difficult to take action. I don’t have any answers - and I don’t feel frustrated enough to take action, unless that action is reaching for some bacon.

Nothing says "love" like the sound of power tools

The decking boards are nearly all down! Some good weather has meant hub had all day yesterday and today to work on the deck. There is still a good bit of work, but since we are having a BBQ on the 26th and are out of town the weekend before, this is excellent news!

Work was very busy last week - our team was running the "PC Sale" where we sold the old PCs (they were just replaced with new ones) to employees, with the proceeds going to local charities. It was a big undertaking! I got one too - anyone know the best place to buy an operating system?

My weight is really breaking my heart. Busting my ass in the gym and I gained weight last week? I hate the scale. Hate. Had a meltdown Saturday night, but I have my nutritious foods all packed for the week. Surely something has to give - I cannot eat & exercise like this without doing some lard busting.

Ugh.

Busy day

Sorry for the lack of updates. Still working out. I've been super busy the past coupleof days - back soon!

Every day I write the book

No huge entry today. Went to gym yesterday afternoon – trainer still isn’t working me hard enough IMO. Cement is in for the deck – decking boards will start getting screwed down tonight. I think that means I have to operate a power tool (shudder). But Bess will be a happy Chihuahua!

The boy got off safely for his trip to the beach this morning. He has been very moody lately, so I think we wee all ready for a break from each other. After he gets back Friday evening, he is heading up to his grandpa’s until Sunday afternoon.

I am feeling somewhat less bloated, but I have to admit the scale is making me a little nutso. Other than the stress induced incident Saturday, I’ve been doing well with sticking to eating healthy foods and appropriate portions and my exercise has been good. After 4 weeks, the trainer will retake my measurements and recalculate my body fat. I’m hoping that shows more of a payoff than the scale is. Of course, I am getting all worked up over 1 week’s worth of results. I realize how ridiculous that is.

Don’t worry – I’m not about to slip into a panic attack over the scale or anything. My problem isn’t getting results – lately my issue seems to be hanging on to them.

Not trying to end on a down note. Overall, I’d say things are going along pretty well. Hub is doing an estimate at 2:30 for a lady he has worked for before who just fired the guy that was working on her house and she wants someone to start work yesterday or so. So please send good job thoughts our way!

Have a good one!

Every day in May

I have made a couple of decisions about the month of May. 1. I am not buying any extra anything. Even if the hub gets work soon, we’ve been spending a lot, and a fair amount of it has just been stupid. This month, no extras. 2. I am going to exercise every day this month. Even if it’s just a 30 minute walk around the neighborhood, I am going to make an effort to boost my physical activity.

I’m doing okay. Hub put the concrete in the holes for the deck. He ran out, but they are largely filled. That will get finished tonight. Mom, the boy, and I took the boat out on the lake for an hour or so last night – it was really nice.

Also, I went to the gym on the way home even though I really didn’t want to and if I’m doing exercise every day in May why can’t I have the last day of April off? When I felt like the argument wasn’t going my way, I stopped in at Target to look for a new lunch box (they didn’t have the one I wanted). No doubt I looked a little crazed as I wandered around dishware trying to talk myself into/out of going to the gym. I reminded myself that I always regret not going, but never regret going. So I went.

Today is a workout with the trainer. I feel like he hasn’t been pushing it hard enough, so I need to tell him that today.

The Chihuahua is scared to go out on the deck because the decking boards aren’t screwed down so they move a little and make noise. Silly dog. Speaking of dogs, my dog food cook book came yesterday (yes, I am an obsessive nut about books). Good stuff!

The boy leaves at 6:30 am tomorrow for the beach, returning at 6 pm Friday night. The house will sure be quiet!