Ugh.

Been sick. Back at work. It was 30 this morning - I thought fall was finally here, but apparently we skipped to winter. Well, it'll be 70 this afternoon, so perhaps my whining is a bit premature....

And .... action!

To continue with my thought from yesterday, the really encouraging thing was knowing that I could eat a decent amount of food. I don't know why this surprised me - when I was doing Alwyn Copsgrove's "Afterburn" program, I was eating 1700 calories a day and losing 2 pounds a week! And I weighed 15 pounds less then!

So, I pulled out that program, along with some of my old journals. A couple of challenges I am facing: I am tired of the same old thing and also, I am inadvertantly sabotoging myself with a lousy evening snack. I plan stuff that looks good on paper, but a protein shake for an evening snack? Please! So, better planning.

In reading through my old journals, I got some fantastic ideas! A low carb tortilla with red beans, a bit of chicken or chicken sausage and cheese for breakfast, oats with yogurt, butternut squash, lox & cream cheese bagel, pumpkin soup - all sorts of good stuff in there! I am looking forward to planning next week's meals for a change!!!!

Curiously optomistic

Yesterday, my walking partner and I had our RMRs (resting metabolic rate) tested. This is the amount of calories you burn sitting around. It's a very useful number when you are trying to figure out the appropriate caloric intake to lose weight. Anyway, mine is a bit over 1800 calories. She recommended 1700 to 1800 calories per day to lose weight if I am exercising daily. That made me feel good, that's a number I can live with and not feel like I'm starving. Remember when my doctor told me to eat 1200 calories a day? Ugh. So I'm thinking, maybe I can do this after all....

Nice weekend

Just too much beer. Ugh. I'll never lose weight!!!

Update

I’m actually doing pretty well. I ordered a couple of books about perimenopause off Amazon – I decided “have fun with that” (which is basically what my doctor said) wasn’t sufficient. So I am doing my homework. I’m thinking about making an appt with a friend’s doctor, but the first opening is in February!!!

Eating has improved. But I’ll tell you something; when I don’t overeat, I’m bored. The thing is, when I get home from work, I don’t want to get into a project. I don’t understand how people can come home and do something super intense like painting etc. – I’m just too friend. A Star Trek novel or a tv show is about all I can handle. But when I finish a book and there’s nothing on tv, I am bored. Last night was a perfect example. Eating definitely fills a void for me.

But I didn’t give in – I’m really trying. I got up and went to the gym – exercise is pretty decent although I have lost a lot of my fitness, which is depressing.

Work is busy, home is busy, the weather is nice. I feel like I’ve run out of things to say here. I dunno….

Just a note....

Haven't given up, although my talk with my doctor was not very helpful. So I am doing research on my own!!!

I lost 3 pounds this week. It really came home to me this weekend that I just needed to let go of this - that the tighter I held on, the more stressed (and unsucessful) I was at losing weight. i took the weekend for myself to relax and its left me feeling refreshed.

“Peri-“, a Greek prefix meaning “batpoop crazy”

(Courtesy of WebMD)
What Are the Signs of Perimenopause?
You will know you are transitioning into menopause when you begin experiencing some or all of the following symptoms:

·Hot flashes
Breast tenderness
· Worsening of premenstrual syndrome
·Decreased libido (sex drive)
·Fatigue
· Irregular periods
· Vaginal dryness; discomfort during sex
· Urine leakage when coughing or sneezing
· Urinary urgency (a pressing need to urinate more frequently)
· Mood swings
· Difficulty sleeping

Yeah, 10 out of 11. Impressive, huh? No wonder I feel like an escapee from an asylum. I ordered 2 books about this EXCITING STAGE IN MY LIFE! I have also put in a call to my doctor – I am hoping she will agree to test my hormone levels so we can know for sure where I am and discuss options.

I gained 3 pounds last week – bringing my total weight gain during our “Fit n Fun” activity here at work to 6! Pounds! Something’s gotta give. Jesus. I hate posting here – I don’t want you to have to read about me buying take out pizza for my family or having Frito’s & beer for supper after the hub and boy have left for PTA. I am a wreck. Please read that list above and see if that sounds like a good time to you, cause I’m about ready for a rubber room holiday.

In case you’re depressed after reading that list, here’s a little something to cheer you up, courtesy of http://www.wwdiva.com/:

Deep Fried Mac and Cheese
Recipe Courtesy of Paula Deen

Peanut oil, for frying
1 recipe "The Lady's Cheesy Mac" prepared, chilled in the refrigerator overnight, and cut into 15 bite-sized squares, recipe follows
Flour, for dredging
1 egg, beaten
Plain bread crumbs, for dredging

Heat 2 inches of oil in a large, heavy Dutch oven to 350 degrees F.

Dredge each Cheesy Mac square in flour, then egg, and then bread crumbs to coat.

Fry for about 1 minute on each side until golden brown. Drain on paper towels before serving.

"The Lady's Cheesy Mac":
4 cups cooked elbow macaroni, drained
2 cups grated Cheddar
3 eggs, beaten
1/2 cup sour cream
4 tablespoons butter, cut into pieces
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup milk

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Once you have the macaroni cooked and drained, place in a large bowl and while still hot, add the Cheddar. In a separate bowl, combine the remaining ingredients and add to the macaroni mixture. Pour macaroni mixture into a casserole dish and bake for 30 to 45 minutes. Top with additional cheese, if desired.

Vicious cycle

Right now I am in a very weird place. I’m functioning on a sort of cruise control, minimal operations kind of setting, and can’t seem to stop with the stress eating. And yet I don’t feel stressed, but feel like I must be since I keep overeating in the evenings.

I don’t seem to feel angry or depressed – actually things seem to be going along fairly smoothly right now. So what is wrong with me?

Just a quickie

I am out of the office most of today and all day tomorrow. Things are improving - my eating is better, the boy and I went to lift weights again this morning, I did interval training yesterday and plan to do so tomorrow, plus I have a quiet weekend at home so I can hit the gym.

No movement on the scale this week, but I feel sure I'll see a loss next week. (I hope). In any case, i am baby stepping the food, it's nowhere near 'perfect', but if its improved enough to get the scale moving I'll be thrilled.

Brain Dump

The scale is not my friend – I have gained 3 pounds since we started this “Fit-n-Fun” thing at work. Right now, it’s not feeling like a lot of fun. I am the highest weight I’ve ever been, excluding pregnancy. That’s a tough pill to swallow! The really difficult thing is that it is having an adverse impact on my quality of life. I’m only 5’2”, so this extra 20 pounds makes a huge difference. When I walk the dog, if she pulls, my back is screaming after a half a mile. My shins hurt when I walk or jog. I come home from a walk hurting – that’s serious.

Weight training is a lot easier, and the boy and I are going twice a week. I need to bump that up to 3, but that’s a solid start. I am also able to do interval training on the elliptical, so I need to make those sessions a priority. I have just added them back into the mix.

Food has been very up and down. I’ve had a huge amount of stress. For one, I thought my treasurer boss in my medieval group might be stepping down, and was thinking I might need to step into her shoes. While I’d like the job one day, not Today! The boy has been difficult, and so has the husband. Luckily, hub finished up his side job and they aren’t currently working weekends, so that makes him happier. After a few phoneless days, the boy seems to be improving. They went and played paintball together Saturday – I think they needed the time. And the boy & I have been doing the gym thing, so that gives us something we are doing together. For a while it seemed everyone was just going their own way & none of us were doing very well. We’re interacting more, work stress has declined, so things are looking up.

I was considering posting for a job on another team in the department – it’s the same band level, just a “senior” v. “junior”, but it would mean a raise while doing basically the same job. I thought about putting in for it, even though I love working for my boss and feel he is really helping me in terms of professional development. I was nervous about that – I felt that b/c of our tight finances, I needed to put in for the job, but my heart wasn’t in it. I talked to my boss, and he agreed I was ready. He said that he can put me in for just a straight promotion since it isn’t up a level (for that you have to post for a new job), and told me he would make that recommendation to his boss! Not sure when that will happen, but that is great news. I didn’t post for the other job, and I feel much happier – not only that I’ll be staying, but that he has that much confidence in me. Also, we’ve been given a more firm direction to work in for next year, which makes me feel good. This year has felt like we were kinda drifting, which I dislike.

So, work is much better, home is better, my exercise is picking up. Hopefully now that the stress levels are down the food will be easier to get back under control. I am seriously considering going shakes for a couple of meals 2 or 3 days a week until I make some progress. I know that isn’t a long term solution, but I could use some good news on the scale for a change.

Oh what a beautiful weekend

The weather here was simply amazing. It was so nice having all the windows & doors open, letting the sun & air come into the house. I didn't want it to end!!!

Food and exercise remain a mixed bag. I feel like I should write about it, event though I have to admit that I don't want to. I feel like a failure.

I did do a good job of the food prep, and have a meal in the fridge, plus plans for 2 crock pot meals, an easy soup, and leftover lasagna.