What I'm thinking about

I like blogs - and blogging. I have blogs I've read for years - these people feel like part of my community. I appreciate the way blogging allows us to share our thoughts and ideas without anyone interjecting a "me too" or funny story, derailing our train of thought. My blog hasn't had a lot of that for a while, but maybe that will change. :-)

For Valentine's Day, hub and I are getting back to an idea we had a few years ago. Remember the year I gave him a Bikram yoga pass and he gave me a slot for a running clinic with Jeff Galloway? We're saving up and for this upcoming Valentine's day I'm getting a Bikram pass and he is getting a tune-up for his road bike.

It may seem odd that we're spending more on Valentine's gifts than we did at Christmas! But this is a gift from the heart - a gift that says "I love you and I want you to be healthy." It's an investment in ourselves. I can't think of anything more romantic than that.

It was 45 degrees this morning (the cold is moving in today, sadly). I wanted to sleep in, but "mean dog" (aka "the jack russell terrorist", aka "Jordan") decided otherwise. She crawled up from her position as my foot warmer and began licking my neck until I got up in self defense. I also walked yesterday afternoon. Everything looks so different in the daylight. ;-)

As I said, when I got home from work yesterday I took a walk. After that I previewed the kettlebell workout dvd I got from my mom. The instructor has a section where she reviews the main exercises - most I did in the kettlebell class I took that time, but there were a couple of new ones. The workout itself consists of a warm-up, followed by 3 different circuits of 10 or so minutes each. I know that doesn't sound like much, but kettlebells are intense!

The nice thing about it being in chunks like that is that I can start with just a little bit. Last time I overdid it on the first workout and wound up really hurting my back. I don't want a repeat! I think this is going to work very well. I'll have enough time in the AM to do kettlebells and take a short walk if I want to get outside (when the weather is warmer).

Hub is going back to the gym this weekend, and the boy will join him when he gets back in town (he went back to Wilmington with his grandpa for a few more days. I don't think he'll get back down there until spring break, which is gonna get hard for him).

I'm still feeling kinda ambivalent about the gym - sometimes I am excited about it, but not right now. I'll get my weights with the kettlebells and while I like using the elliptical, right now driving to use the "hamster wheel" doesn't appeal.

Around here we probably have another 10-12 weeks of cold weather, so I may change my mind.

I made a really good dinner last night - soem baked chicken (I pounded until then, then lightly breaded with homemade seasoned bread crumbs and baked), pasta with vodka sauce, and salad. We ate by candlelight, and I had some nice relaxing music. And no one fell asleep at the table!!!

Tonight is a chicken spagetti recipe and salad. No one is staying up until midnight.

Happy New Year!

Nom nom nom

Prepping my breakfasts and lunches on Sunday is paying off handsomely. For one, since very few people are working the choices in the cafeteria stink. And for two, it's been yummy, satisfying food. After all the rich foods over the holidays, it feels great to be eating some lighter, more veggie-laden stuff.

It wasn't as warm this morning, but I still got up and walked around the neighborhood. It felt really good!

Things that make you go "Hmmmm".

If you'll recall, I was recently contacted by an old friend from junior high. It went something like this:

1. I receive email. We exchange pleasantries.
2. We establish that his marriage recently blew up and that mine is great.
3. He stops emailing me.

So this morning when I check my email, I notice that I received an invite to "link" to someone on LinkedIn (it's sorta like facebook for professionals). Now, I set up the account months ago when a friend invited me, and a few other friends have offered to "link" to me, but I pretty much haven't bothered with it.

So this morning I get a notice that my ex-fiancee wants to "link" to me. Hmmm. Now, this is someone I knew for over a decade. Someone who, in the end, ended our friendship because it was too painful. I can understand and respect that. Sometimes there is just too much water under the bridge, you know? But, why is he contacting me now? He has no other "links" - did he join just to link to me? Where has he been looking for me? Has he (or anyone else) found this blog?

The whole thing is ... weird.

In other news, we had a nice holiday here and I hope you did as well. The weekend seemed awfully short. :-( It was unseasonably warm here, I got up this morning and walked. It was nice. I prepped my breakfast and lunch foods yesterday, so packing my lunch & breakfast was a pretty painless process today. It feels good to be eating more normal foods - I've been acting like gravy is a beverage for a couple of days. *lol*

Take care!

A little bit of venting

Yeah, yesterday’s post was a bit emotional. Hub and I did talk a bit this morning. I know it sounds odd, but sometimes difficult conversations are easier for us to have via phone. The good news is that we are both frustrated, together.

If you were to make a budget, it would probably look something like this:

1. Necessities (housing, food, heat, medicine)
2. Other bills (credit cards & other unsecured debt)
3. Other stuff

If my MIL had a budget (which will never happen), it would look like this:

1. Buy unnecessary crap from Fingerhut/Wal-Rip.
2. Bills
3. Food & medicine
4. Taking the dog to the vet, heart worm medicine

You get the general idea. MIL has always had her priorities completely screwed up. Add to that the fact that she is stuck in low paying jobs and that she is a compulsive shopper/hoarder (so was her mother), and the result is disaster. Hub doesn’t want her to lose the storage unit because it contains family heirlooms – nothing of monetary value, mostly letters and pictures and stuff that she has been hoarding from the rest of the family. Obviously he doesn’t want those things lost, and there’s no guarantee she’ll stay current on the rent.

Here she is, giving my mom a sob story about how she has to choose between food and medicine, but there’s loads of stuff that she’s bought since the last time we moved her! Add to that the fact that my mom is paying for her dog to go to the vet, and when my mom offered to take everyone out to dinner at the cafeteria last night, MIL wanted to know if they could go to Mimi’s instead (uh, yeah, at 3 times the cost!). And do you think she has ever said thank you to anyone for taking her out for a meal – ever? Of course not, because she is owed these things. We’re stuck cleaning up her mess, while she continues to make more mess, oblivious. She is the most self centered, self absorbed person I have ever met. She's never spent money on her kids (she didn't bother to raise them), but she believes that she is owed whatever she wants.

It’s very frustrating, but at least hub and I are frustrated together.

Sorta sucky update

My weekend was fine. I stayed home and did stuff around the house, hub worked. Today he went up to Durham to help out his mom. Not only did she get fired, but her boss is keeping her $500 security deposit (even though the apartment is spotless) just to fuck her over. So now she has no money, including no money for medicine. Which means we're giving her money. So, it was us he screwed over. Hub is calling his brother to see if he can help out.

It will always be something with her. She gets these shitty jobs with the crappy employers and ends up getting screwed pretty much every time. (Get me to tell you about the time she was robbed and the security equipment was broken only they were too cheap to fix it and they tried to force her to not file a report with the police). Nice, huh?

She has been a victim her whole life and that will never change. She will never save a dime or do anything to lift a finger to take care of herself and that will never change. She didn't raise her own children (she left that to her parents), but she expects them to take care of her. And that will never change. This is what I married into and I don't know how to deal with it.

Feelings (whoa whoa whoa)

Yesterday was a very emotional day. I reacted as a mature, responsible adult: I had cheese dip and beer for dinner. :-(

I didn't get the job I applied for in the other department. That is for the best. I'd heard some things from a friend that reports to the guy that made me realize I'd be miserable working for him. Of course, my feelings are hurt a little bit, but I'm okay with it. What got me was how I found out: our department was called together to announce one of my collegues got the job. In other words, he never even bothered to contact the people that didn't get the job. Nice huh? Our general procedure is that you let the rejects know first, then announce who got it. But this guy is clearly not one to bother with such niceities.

This does help me though - our 2 teams do the same work - we're just 2 teams due to the number of people. So, opening up that job means that between our two teams, we have 3 open positions now. That really will help us going into the next round of layoffs. I have heard they are doing them the first week of January. Ugh. Stress again.

The other (worse news) is that my MIL got fired from her job. NC is a "will to work" state - meaning, you can get fired with no notice for no reason. She was given a week to get out of her apartment (she lives on the property, she manages a storage rental facility). Apparently, the boss wants to give the job (and apartment) to the out of town girlfriend. He told Jan that a couple of customers had complained about her, but wouldn't say who or about what.

She is moving back up to DC (which she'd planned to do anyway) to be closer to the grandkids. She'll be staying with a friend for a while and my mom will be taking care of her dog. I'm sure she'll qualify for unemployment, but that takes a while to kick in. Hub asked if we could pay for her storage space (the boss is giving her a good deal on a space to store her stuff until she has a place of her own up north).

Here's my issue with that: my MIL is terrible with money. Remember when she was living with my mom? Instead of saving her income tax return ($500) for a down payment on a apartment, she spent it on clothes at Wal-Mart and we had to pay her down payment to get her out of my mom's house? Uh, yeah. Once she gets her unemployment, she'll use it to go buy crap. So why are we using our hard earned money to support her bad behaviour? If she really needed it, yes, I would help. But I'm not convinced she'll need it. But this is very hard to discuss with my husband, because how do you say those things? Well, I just said them.

I'm not sure how we come up with a compromise that doesn't leave either of us feeling resentful, but we've got to try. His mother is never going to be able to live on her social security, so this is going to be a problem for a long time to come. Her health isn't all that great, so I don't know how long she'll be able to work. Not trying to borrow worry, but I know that the decisions we make now are precedents for how we deal with her in the future.

Anyway, it was a very emotional day and I didn't handle it well. Oh well. You win some, you lose some. I just feel like I've been losing a lot lately I guess.

I still have many things to be grateful for, so I'm trying to keep perspective.

Some things concerning me today

Have you heard about the Consumer Products Safety Improvement Act which goes into effect in a couple of months? What does it do? In short, makes homemade toys, clothing & other products illegal. If you want to sell them anyway. Read more here.
http://thebabygardner.com/blog/2008/12/11/love-handmade-a-call-to-action-for-all-of-us/

Wow. Look what happens when folks aren't looking. It's enough to make you paranoid.

In other news, my MIL got fired from her job. Apparently, the boss wants to give the job to his girlfriend. But that's a post for another day.......

Pretty good

I had a pretty good weekend. Hub had to work, and we didn’t get to go out on a date. I got loads done – shopping, cleaning, cooking, decorating. Today is supposed to be the last of the long hours for him. Exercise remains a memory. Food-wise, some days are better than others. I’m okay with that for now. With the boy out of school (and going with his grandpa for a few days), I may try going by the gym on the way home from work next week. OTOH, I am embarrassed by how I would look in shorts on the elliptical. Yes, I feel too fat to be seen at the gym. How sad is that?

Anyway, there is a lot of work & introspection needed, but right now I can’t focus on it. I’m just trying to enjoy the holiday, appreciate the blessings we have, and take care of the things I need to get done. I don’t mean to sound depressed or anything (I’m not), I just mean I’m okay with the fact that things have been crazy and that now isn’t the time to try to change my routine.

I’ve always been crazy, but it’s kept me from going insane

This week has been nutso. Monday and Tuesday, hub worked until 11 pm. For the record, he starts work at 7 AM. Wednesday he had the day off (to catch up on sleep and avoid a psychotic episode). That afternoon we were thankfully able to get the shopping done for the boy. He ONLY worked until 8 last night. He does have to work this weekend. He is going to try to get of work early enough on Saturday so we can go out to eat. At a restaurant. Wearing clean clothes. Hopefully he won’t fall asleep at the table.

I’m very glad he was able to shop for the boy with me as our main gift to him this year was tools. Specifically deep well sockets and a bunch of other stuff that I don’t know what it does so that he can work on his 4 motorcycles. What? You mean all 13 year olds don’t have 4 motorcycles????

In fairness, he really only works on and rides 2 of them. One is a full size bike that belongs to his uncle, but he’s moving to Florida and can’t take it with him. I have no idea whether it works. Another is a full size motorcycle that he & his uncle converted so it is electric. Bikes 3 and 4 are dirt bikes – the Honda is pretty reliable, but he is forever working on the Suzuki.

Every day since he has brought the bikes down from his grandpa’s house I come home to the sight of a filthy boy working on a motorcycle in the garage where my car should be, blasting Guns n Roses. My house smells like gasoline. All the time. I’m afraid the smell will poison the cat who shares his bedroom. At least he’s home.

Anyway, shopping is mostly done. This weekend I have to wrap and hopefully get my cards done. On top of the usual cooking, cleaning, & shopping. The boy will be gone and hub will be working – woo hoo! Party at my place!!!! Just joking (maybe).

Have a good weekend.

Profound thought of the day

"Never to underestimate the destructive power of negative feedback loops." I read this in an article today. It’s a quote by an expert on the current economic crisis, but if you think about it, this is really a universal truth. Negative feedback loops are insidious things, they can start so small and can be so difficult to get out of. Like trying to launch yourself into orbit – the force required to leave the gravity of the earth is tremendous – so is the gravity of the loop.

That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to do lately. Doing so while dealing with hub’s crazy work schedule and everything else has been difficult. Maybe what I need to do is stop feeding the loop by getting so down on myself when things don’t work out like I want or plan.

Just a thought.

Kinda crazy on the home front

My poor husband got home at 11 o’clock last night!!! They are doing some big walk through inspection today. Gah. I got up and packed his lunch and dinner (just in case) and cooked him a nice breakfast sandwich on a homemade biscuit. Poor guy. To say that he is burnt toast is a pretty massive understatement.

I expect to get home a bit late tonight myself. I have no idea what to make for dinner – I was going to do lentil soup in the crock pot, but I didn’t have time to put it on this morning. Hello Cici’s Pizza!

My plans for the weekend after Christmas are to either paint the boy’s room (he picked out grey with black curtains – barf) or to make a mock-up of a Viking apron dress. I’ve never made one before so I want to make a mock-up first because I am totally intimidated by the expensive fabric I bought at Pennsic!

I’d like to make a green table runner for the dining room table to go with the Christmas table cloth – I haven’t been able to find one I like. Other than that, I’m pretty pleased with the decorations (well, once we get the decorations on the tree).

After Christmas, I’d really like to paint either my bathroom or my kitchen. I’m bored and would like a change.

I can’t wait to get back to a more normal schedule.

June Cleaver didn’t have a day job

Today is the day that hub’s building was supposed to be completed and turned over to the school. As if! The school has said they are moving in Saturday. However, this does not mean that they are necessarily done – it just means they have to do all the little pesky finishing up things while working around furniture deliveries etc. In other words, will the 12 hour days/7 days per week end next weekend? Who knows? All I know is that my poor husband fell asleep at the dinner table last night.

In the meantime, my stint as June Cleaver continues. Get up, feed animals, pack lunches, cook breakfast, then get myself ready for work. Come home, fix supper, convince son that he is neither Cinderella nor being abused because I ask him to do the dishes 2 days in a row!!! (Oh, the plight of these poor put upon teens….) Do laundry, run errands, help with homework. Weekend is spent doing household chores – cleaning, shopping, cooking. And of course this weekend it also involved putting up the Christmas decorations. I had the tree set up with lights on, as well as the rest of the decorating. We were going to put the ornaments on after dinner, but what with the falling asleep at the table and all, we decided it would be best to try again for next weekend.

I can hardly wait for Christmas just because I know I’ll get to sleep in!

Whiny post

My drippy nose had become “the world’s largest snot factory” ™ Tuesday night, which led to “annoying cough that keeps you awake” last night. Ugh. I have too much to do to be sick!

I was running late yesterday morning and didn't pack my breeakfast. So, I had to buy at work and my choice was a bit iffy. This was followed by a soft pretzel as my afternoon snack, and a beer while I soaked in the tub.

Comfort eat much?

Oh well, for now I am weighing myself every day and have set a goal for the end of December. Exercise continues to not happen. :-( Hopefully after I am feeling better!

I’m here, just busy

Once we got back from the beach (which was very nice), hub began working 12 hour days. So things at home are a bit hectic. Work is semi-hectic. Eating is much improved, exercise is being put off for housework. Not good, I know. I have a full blown cold.

I have plenty to be grateful for: our health, good jobs, out home & pets. We’ve decided to donate a good chunk of our Christmas budget to charity – given our blessings, it seems only right.

I’m trying to get more regular about posting, but I can’t promise anything until after Christmas! Just know I’m hanging in there, hope you are too! :-)

The refrigerator is NOT your wonderland!

Let me start by saying this: I recognize that I am solely responsible for what goes in my mouth. However, I think we can agree that our loved ones (especially those we live with) help to create a climate that influences our decisions.

Last night after I went to bed, my husband ate my breakfast for today and tomorrow (it was leftovers, but I told him I was using them for my breakfast). This was after a substantial dinner and he had broken out a bag of hidden potato chips. (I had no idea we had potato chips - I never buy them).

So, my challenge is two-fold: 1) my husband brings home foods I don’t like having around (chips, beer, etc.) and 2) when I do have a healthy meal planned, he is not above eating it as a snack. I discovered my breakfast gone 3 minutes before I was leaving the house. That’s not a lot of time to come up with a plan “b”.

I’m not trying to blame my husband for my weight gain, but there are times when he certainly makes staying on plan a real challenge!

Nice Weekend

This was a very busy weekend. My mom & the boy headed down to the beach house we rented for the week. My MIL's birthday is coming up, so she came to town and we took her out to breakfast. Hub's car was leaking transmission fluid, so we took it in to have a seal replaced. And of course I cleaned the house and spent some time doing a bit of packing for the beach (linens & stuff so far). But it was a nice weekend.

The guest room is all set up and I previewed 3 dvds: 1 yoga, 1 yogalates, and 1 Windsor Pilates (it's actually a vhs tape). I think I like the yogalates the best of the lot. I'd like to ge a better yoga tape - I have a few in my netflix queue to preview. I have a couple of solid step aerobic tapes, and the kettlebell dvd my mom is giving me for Christmas. Our weather has been unseasonably cold (and I still have a runny nose), so it's nice to have easy options in the house.

Eating was better. My choices weren't always great, but I thought about what I was eating more, and that's a good start.

I talked to a collegue that I used to be in the same department with and he's now working for the guy I interviewed with last week. If I don't get the job I won't be heartbroken (unless of course I ge laid off in January!) - sounds pretty disorganized and hectic in that area right now. I'm afraid from what I heard it would be very stressful! OTOH, not sure I'd turn it down either...

Oh well, I may not have to make that decision at all....

Anyway, things are moving along, albeit slowly.

If you celebrate it, have a Happy Thanksgiving. I'll beach at the beach eating seafood! We'll have turkey at Christmas. :-)

Who used to write this blog????

The other day I was cleaning some old documents off my hard drive. It was obvious what many were (recipes), but others I couldn't tell by the name, so I opened them up. Several were old entires. Funnily enough, the first one was my first entry. I probably read 6 entires or so. Now, I never go back and read my old entries, so I hadn't read this stuff in years.

What struck me was how different my tone was when I began writing this blog. At that point I'd been exercising faithfully for over 2 years and was well on my weight loss journey. I was so much more positive - I sounded so much more confident than I was back then. It made me realize how this .. malaise .. has spread to all aspects of my life.

Now, exercise isn't going to solve all my problems. I am well into prei-menopause, so my hormones are going pretty wacky. But I do know that exercise can 1) help me physically and 2) help give me a sense of control in a very turbulent time. I can't control what happens at work, but I can control my responses. And exercise can help with that.

My husband helped me overhaul the guest room - I now have shelving in the closet to store a bunch of stuff. The futon is propped against one wall (it looks kinda dumb, but who cares?). I have a tv, vcr, and dvd. We keep the doors closed (so the dogs can't get in), and in the winter this room is cooler than the rest of the house. In short, it has become an excellent exercise area! I have a shelf with my workout dvds and vhs tapes, and a shelf for my workout equipment.

It's been in the teens and 20s in the morning, and I just haven't been able to convince myself to go walk outside. That's okay - I now have a "no excuse" zone. :-)

The girl that used to write this blog sounded far happier and healthier than the one writing now - I think I want to get her back.

Wish me luck!

Interview with another department (same company) this afternoon!

Still no exercise - the weather has been unseasonably cold and this cold has sapped my energy. Next week I plan to walk and we're taking our bikes to the beach.

Home from work

This cold is kicking my butt! The sad thing is is it isn't a horrible cold, it's just bad enough that I'm tired & have very little energy. I left work early yesterday, and today simply called in sick. I've just putzed around the house. I'm feeling a little better - I'm glad next week is Thanksgiving.

Not much is new - plans for exercise have been delayed a bit, but I'm making strides on the "eat healthier foods" front.

Work is going well - I'm keeping busy, which helps keep the mind off all the stuff going on. The economy is so bad right now, it's a scary time. I'm glad hub and I took "Financial Peace University" (we graduate this week), I just wish we'd done it years ago!

Progress, not perfection

Last night I made a yummy dinner - pork chops (from the Mennonite farm), butternut squash and salad (from the farmer's market). The next best thing to growing it myself (someday!).

After dinner hub agreed to walk the dogs with me, but then it started raining pretty hard - since I already have a cold I figured walking in the rain wasn't the smart thing to do. So I still haven't cracked the mystery of the aching shins.

I was really craving cheese dip from the mexican place last night - instead I made some dip at home with Rotel canned tomatoes, fat free refried beans, fresh cheese (again, from the farmer's market), and some organic chips. I didn't really need a snack, but at least my choice was healthier (and cheaper!) than the mexican place!

I found a couple of workout CDs I'd love to buy. Maybe just one??? Of course, then I have to get the thing loaded onto my MP3 player....

A slower start than expected - but not discouraged!

I got up early yesterday to try out my new shoes and sweatpants. The pants are great! I think the shoes are great too, but my shins were really bothering me. :-( It was fairly cold, so I don't know if it was because I wasn't warmed up (I did start out slow), or because I didn't put the heel cushions in the new shoes (which I ususally use), or what. My shins have been giving me problems on my afternoon walks as well. For now, I think I'll try walking in the evenings and see if that makes a difference.

Well, not exactly "right now" since I seem to be coming down with a cold! I am using salt water to clean my sinuses and drinking plenty of hot lemon water with honey. If I'm not feeling too wiped out, I may try a shorter walk with the dogs this evening.

Even though I wasn't feeling all that hot, I told my husband 'no' when he asked if I wanted to go out to eat last night. I managed to make a decent supper and after that we went down to the gym to sign he & the boy up. Our plan is to go as a family on Monday and Wednesday afternoons. Hub and I will go a third time on the weekend.

Also yesterday, I was reading another blogger and she was talking about the fact that Dax Moy (a British nutrition guru) has a free diet posted, complete with tracking diary. It's called "The Elimination Diet", and its a sort of de-tox thing. In a nutshell, it's about getting the processed foods, sugar, caffeine, out of your diet. No strict food plan or anything - more like guidelines around what to get rid of. As I said yesterday, plenty of crap has crept back into my routine eating and I know I always feel better when that stuff is gone! So this will be a useful tool to help me do that.

Yesterday hub took some old (broken) gold jewelry and sold it at a local jewelry store. That's money for the emergency fund. It's funny how the current economic situation is really getting us to be more frugal, less wasteful, and do little things like that. That stuff (not repairable) had been sitting around in drawers for years - now it's money in the bank.

The current economic situation is bad, but I hope the silver lining is that we become a little less wasteful as a society.

Okay, have a good day!

Changes

This weekend I went a purchased a pair of sweatpants (my old ones were worn out) and a new pair of walking shoes. This morning I got up to go for a walk – I nearly died. My calves and shins were screaming in pain and I didn’t think I’d make it home. I am going to try adding those heel gel cushions to the new shoes and I am going to try walking in the evening – hopefully my muscles will be more warmed up and that will work better. This afternoon we are going to sign the rest of the family up for the gym. Monday and Wednesdays we are all going to go to the gym together. I will probably do a bit of lifting and use the elliptical – it will be easier on the legs until I get a big of fitness back (and drop some weight).

I could be freaked out about this (and I kinda am), but with everything else going on in my life, this feels like something I can control and something I can do something about. As compared with trying to come up with some plans ‘b’ whiel waiting for news. Which is a pretty powerless feeling, which is why I’ve been so stressed/depressed. This will give me something to focus on and it’s something where I will be able to see and feel results. That’s gotta be a good thing.

In short, I an now returning this to a fitness blog. I’m sure I’ll continue to update/post about other things. But I want to focus on this.

Oh yeah, and the great diet clean-up commenced today as well. I’m not currently focused on calories – just on getting a lot of the crap out that had somehow snuck in while my brain was otherwise engaged. I got up and had my green drink, follwed by a piece of toast with peanut butter and herbal tea. Yum.

Not the best news

As I said, our company announced they were laying off 10% of the workforce. There have been layoffs over the past 2 weeks. Turns out that represents 25% of the 10% - so the majority of layoffs will be in January according to the latest info.

So, my job is still very much in the air. They are saying unemployment may continue to rise until 2011. Given my rather specialized advanced degree, coupled with the probable job losses locally as a result of Wachovia being bought, and I forsee a very tough job market.

SO, yes I am worried. Very much. I'm looking into potential options (lateral entry into teaching - my salary would be cut in half but it would be something until things improve), substitute teaching.

If I do get laid off next year, I'll get a couple weeks of additional benefits. We checked and we can transfer our benefits (health, dental) over to my husband's company.

I guess I'm trying to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. It's gonna be a long winter.

An early Thanksgiving

Today they announced layoffs in our business unit (announcements began across the company last week). I still have a job!

There wil be additional layoffs in first quarter of next year. But to me, that just means you have 6 extra months to prepare and you are 6 months closer to the country coming out of recession.

I don't know what will happen at that point. For now, I'll keep doing my job the best I can. Iwill still look at jobs in other departments (if they seem secure).

In the meantime, I went to the grocery store and bought my family the fixings for a nice steak dinner (hey - cheaper than going out!). I also bought one of the pre-filled bags to donate to the food bank - the largest one they had. I've been blessed, and while I plan to work hard to prepare my family in case we hit tougher times ahead, I want to share my blessings with the less fortunate as well.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I hope you'll continue to keep me (and others) in your minds - I'm afraid this recession is going to get worse before it begins to get better.

In less important news, I've gained 5 pounds in stress eating! This weekend I plan to go out and buy myself a new pair of walking shoes (my old ones are worn out!) and hub has agreed to walk with me in the morning.

It's a start.

Good days, bad days

Some days are better than others. We had a lot of fun having friends over Friday night and Sturday was a nice day. Yesterday the weather was beautiful, but my mood was very down. Today at work was a little better. This whole thin has just been rough, as I'm sure you know if you've been reading!

I called the community college - they will call folks in for interviews for teaching positions in Decemeber (to star in Januray?). So, 1) short notice and 2) won't know anything for a while.

Anyway, still hanging in here.

Next Wednesday

I was actually feeling a little better today. I reminded myself that our VP has 5 or 6 teams spread across 3 states - the 2 teams here both have over 15% open positions that can be cut first. SO, while she may have cuts (which she said she does), we are the 2 least likely teams to have cuts.

Then we got the note that cuts would be communicated next Wednesday and seeing a date in black and white from one of the "higher ups" just shoved it back in my face.

Either way, this time next week I'll know.

Animal Planet

My mom said something yesterday to me: "At least you know you'll always have a home." And that's true - my mom owns her home outright and has a decent (if fixed) retirement income. We always have a place we can go. We have a paid off car. We have our health.

But that's not how we think when we feel like we've been backed into a corner. Let's face it - we don't think logically. I could have cancer, or get hit by a bus, or shot. Bad things could happen at any time (conversely, we could win the lottery). But we don't spend a whole lot of time thinking about the best or worst case scenario because the odds are small. Instead, we focus on the middle ground where most of us live.

Deep down, when it comes to safety - we don't think with our heads. We're using some rationale that exists somewhere between our heart and the pit of our stomach. It's the same kind of instinct that all animals have - the need to survive, the fear of change, the need to protect our family.

I know my mom is right - and we are lucky to have that kind of safety net - my mom lives 15 miles away. The boy would switch schools, but hub could keep his job. But that feels like pretty cold comfort righnow. We know we have impacts and folks wll lose their jobs in our department - we just don't know who or how many.

Well, F&^%

Today our VP called us together. Some of the departments are communicating to folks about their lay-offs this week - our department is next week. So, that means another week of feeling bat poop crazy.

From everything I've heard, it seems like the cuts are deeper than they have been in the past. Given the economy, I'm not surprised. Just scared. There aren't that many folks on our team - maybe 12. And that's in 2 different job descriptions.

I also found out that if you get a severance package you aren't eligible for unemployment. So that cuts in half the time I was thinking I'd have to find a job - my severance would be 20 weeks, unemployment is 24 with the possibility of an extra 13 weeks based on unemployment rates in the state. I expect it would be tough to find a job in my field - I could take a "lateral entry" and become a teacher, but my salary would be cut in half. That would be very tough on the family.

I don't know that I've ever been so scared in my whole life, and after spending 8 years in the Army, that's saying a lot.

Want not, waist not

I recently bought a new pair of slack. I have 2 pair of jeans, 2 skirts (one of which I’ve never worn due to the length requiring tights or hose), and 3 pair of slacks. I wore the new (4th) pair of slacks and discovered 2 problems: 1) they are a tweed type material and when the dog jumped on them it created a couple of pulls and 2) they have a waistband.

To wear pants with a waistband, you need to have a waist. Sadly enough, I’m having the same problem with my skirt today (but since my shirt is on the outside rather than tucked in, no one else will notice). When you have no waist, the waistband rides up until it is sitting about 2 inches below your bra. It’s the opposite of the guy’s belly hanging out, but it’s equally dreadful.

Let’s get this source of stress gone, and then it’s time to change my ways – hopefully a permanent change this time.

Under Pressure

Thanks for the kind words Bren. What it comes down to is this: this is the first time in my adult life where losing my job seemed like any sort of possibility.

I never asked to be the primary bread winner. It doesn't bother me that I make (significantly) more money than my husband. It bothers me that we've never prepared for this contingency. Like most everybody, we've wandered along, about as clued in as Gomer Pyle.

Emergency fund of 3-6 months of living expenses? Are you kidding me? We never had any savings until we started Financial Peace University a few weeks ago. We now have $400. That's $400 more than we started with, but it's a long way from a fully funded emergency fund.

I guess part of it is the fact that I have thought I was taking care of my family, but the reality is I don't feel that way any more. I have not set us up to handle tough times - we are overextended. Not nearly as badly as some folks and we are taking steps to improve that, but there it is.

Today one of the HR ladies was in our department and I about had a panic attack. (Turns out she was there to remind us about benefits enrollment), but it freaked me out because I thought she might be there, talking to folks. The mood at the office is very subdued - much more so than last time. Last time we lost 2 folks off our team.

I'm trying to be realistic and tell myself I'm being irrational, but when it comes to the fear response, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of ways to control it.

I keep telling myself we'll be fine, and I know that we would. But still, this is such a scary time right now.

And I keep telling myself to keep this in perspective, we are healthy and we have each other - some folks are so much worse off. But that doesn't make me feel better - just bad for those other folks too.

Sorry - I'm a little bogged down by this.

Wishing your life away

Last night we watched the movie "Click". If you haven't seen it, the premise is that this guy (Adam Sandler) gets a universal remote that works on everything and everyone. Pretty soon he is skipping the "boring" parts of his life. I think the ending is a bit predictable, the moral a bit heavy handed, but overall I enjoyed it.

Today I find myself wishing I had a fast forward button. Layoffs are going to be announced "by the end of the quarter". Since they don't like to do this at the end of the week (don't want people going home and brooding), it will likely be tomorrow or Wednesday.

I think my job is fairly secure - we have 12 pople on our team and 2 open positions. Even if they reduced our department 15%, we'd have unfilled spots to fill that. But still, it's very stressful. I've never really been through one of these before. Well, once - but I was so new to the department that I felt fairly safe.

I've looked up my severance and my unemployment benefits - not to be negative but so I'd stop worrying so much. I'd have benefits for nearly a year - yeah, we'd have to do a bit of belt tightening, but we'd be okay for quite a while. So in that regard I do feel better. But I still hate it. Even if it's not me, will any of my co-workers be impacted?

I haven't heard anything from the job I applied for - I bet they are waiting for the announcement - displaced employees generally get preference (which is fair). Nothing on the part time job either. Sigh.

Let me get through the next couple of days - I have been working on my eating and I'm ready to start exercising again.

The Hardest Thing

I hate the fact that I feel like I've lost so much fitness. I hate the fact that I've lost so much self esteem. But I think the hardest thing about the weight I've gained is that it has robbed me of my femininity. I feel like a blob on top of 2 sticks. I look like a blob on top of 2 sticks. I don't feel like a woman. I think that's the hardest thing to take.

So, why don't I do something about it? I do - every day. Every day I wake up and pack myself a healthy breakfast and lunch, which I eat. And then I get home and it all collapses under an avalanche of junk food.

Mid next week they should be announcing layoffs. I keep hoping that's what is making me feel so out of control. But I'm afraid I'll still feel just as stressed afterward.

I applied for the job in the other department.

I feel like I'm in a maze - I know there's an exit, I just can't seem to find it.

Things I know are true

I know that I've gained 35 pounds since starting the job I'm in about 3 years ago. I like my boss, my team, my company - but I don't think this particular position is a good fit for me. I am putting in for an opening in another department - a scary move. My last boss was .. okay. I left my last company mainly due to a dreadful boss, so leaving one of the best bosses I've ever had is hard. But honestly? I don't enjoy the job a whole lot any more and I feel ready to do something different.

This is gonna sound crazy, but I put in for a part time job teaching economics class the evening at a local community college. Between Financial Peace University (the debt class I'm taking through work) and the current economic environment, I am very focused on getting a 3-6 month emergency fund set up. We are still paying down our debts - according to the class, you should pay all your debts (minus your mortgage) then finish your emergency fund.

I've heard folks calling in to Dave Ramsey's radio show, and he tells them it's okay to pay down debt and put more in the emergency fund given the current conditions. I know it's gonna help me sleep better at night. I work for in the financial services industry (but for a company I feel will be around after all this is over!) - we're announcing some layoffs later in the month. I think my job is okay, but I'd feel better if we had a larger emergency fund.

Trying to get a handle around our finances has been tough. Trying to do a zero sum budget when stuff keeps happening? Root canals, lawn mower dying, needing to buy supplies to replace some missing shingles on the roof - all this stuff has made getting my arms around a budget tough - but at least we are trying.

Eating is improving - I had a stress related eating "incident" Wednesday night, but overall, I've been doing much better. I am doing a better job planning and eating loads of veggies during the day at work, which helps keep me full at work. It's that time when everyone starts bringing in crap. Sigh.

I'm still not exercising regularly - one thing at a time I guess.

I've been doing a lot of cleaning/organizing around the house which feels good. I like to do my spring cleaning in the fall. :-)

I'm sorry I haven't been better about this blog - I don't feel comfortable writing about money stuff at work for some reason, and that's been more on my mind lately I guess.

Right now I have a big batch of homemade baked beans in the crock pot - I am having those for breakfast next week. (I know it sounds wacky, but beans really fill me up and keep me going.) Lunch is a vegan hungarian goulash - I have fruit for snacks.

I made 2 big shepherd's pies for a couple of dinners next week - I added a lot of veggies in with the meat, so even if the guys don't feel like a salad on the side, there's a full serving of veggies in there. Out of 2 pounds of meat I got both pies plus froze enough to make nachos for dinner next weekend for hub & myself. I did stretch it with the combo of veggie crumbles and diced sauteed mushrooms.

I'd say 95% of the meat & dairy I buy is organic & free range, and most of that is local. So I've tried to get creative with ways to stretch it since that is significantly more expensive. But I feel it's worth it. I've been trying to make things easier on myself on the weekend - so I've been making a double batch of something and we eat the same thing on Monday and Wednesday nights. At first my son griped a bit, but since they are helping choose what we eat, I know it's stuff they are in the mood for! It's made cooking a lot easier.

I'll try to at least post how my eating (and exercise) is going, but I may save the more serious posts for the weekend.

A year in the life

Today, for the first time in a long time I updated my weight chart. I’ve been keeping this chart since October 11, 2001 – 7 years. A couple of interesting things stood out: I weight today what I weighed in October of last year. I weigh 8 pounds more than I did in October of 2001. I’ve lost (and gained) 35+ pounds. I’ve been fit, and lost a lot of it. I’ve made headway, and lost momentum. I’ve started this blog, and recently left it orphan.

It’s time to take back my blog, take back my fitness, and take back the progress I made.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not implying in any way that those 8 years have been worthless because of something as relatively small as my weight. I’ve accomplished a lot of things in that time. But I need to once again make my health a higher priority.

Stay tuned!

Better

Things are going pretty well. We had a great weekend and the weather here is fantastic. I am enjoying this time of year. My eating habits continue to slowly improve, and hub agreed to start walking the dogs with me in the evening.

I am making my own cleaning products these days (including laundry detergent!). It’s easy, green, and way cheaper! Like many folks, we are working hard on paying down debt & saving money. We’d started our debt boot camp 8 weeks ago – boy was that timely! Hub is on board, and while we’re not sticking perfectly to our budget, it’s going along pretty well.

So, going along pretty good. :-)

Update

Just wanted to let you know that I'm still alive & well! I feel like I'm sort of in a limbo - nothing really changes, no real ups or downs. I'm not complaining! I'm beginnign to feel rested up and ready to takek on some challenges.

Rescue Me

I am apparently allergic to Washington DC. While I normally don’t have much in the way of allergy issues, something this past weekend got them started. Luckily, some Zyrtec and a nap helped. And washing them out with salt water.

Anyway, yesterday afternoon we took ourselves and my mom’s rat terrier, our jack russell, and Butchie (our beagle/bassett/boxer) up to the lake. Our destination was a small island out in the lake where we could beach the boat and let the dogs off to play and us to swim.

We were about halfway there (and out in the center of the lake) when Butchie jumped over the side of the boat and into the water! Without missing a beat, the boy rolled off the side of the boat and into the water after him. I turned the boat around and headed back to pick them up. Butch was doing a pretty good job of swimming, although he was headed to shore rather than the boat. Getting him back in the boat was a bit of a trick (he’s about 60 pounds!). But everyone was okay.

Once we got to the island, all the dogs would wade out into the water to where we were, but no actual swimming occurred. I think Butch had had enough for one day!

Good times. :-)

Happy Birthday Baby

Saturday was my husband' 40th birthday. I took him on a surprise trip up to DC to visit friends. We had a wonderful weekend of friends, food, and fun.

Now back to reality. :-)

Surprise

My husband hates surprises. I love surprises. Therefore I am taking him on a surprise getaway for his birthday this weekend! (I never get surprises since he doesn't like them, so I should be able to give them, right?). W're headed up to DC to visit friends and nosh on Thai and Korean food. :-)

Gas here isn't too expensive ($3.75), it's just that loads of stations don't have any gas. How does this make sense? Bailout? Who cares - no gas = no getting to work. I've got bigger things than the failure of the economy to worry about! (Just joking - kinda).

But I don't want this to become a political blog (even though I'm ana economist and could discuss this stuff for quite a while).

Things continue to slowly come together. Overall, I'm feeling pretty good about things. Despite the economy, layoffs, and lack of gas.

Not much change

Eating habits have improved, exercise is still not happening. I had a bit of a meltdown this weekend, just feeling tired and overwhelmed.

Things I'm trying to control:
Keeping myself in enough order that it doesn't make me nuts.
Continuing to cook, but not doing so much that it overwhelms me.
My temper.

I am feeling a lot of stress right now, so I'm just trying to keep an even keel without jumping into a vat of cheese dip. :-)

Friday Happy Dance

I'm glad it's Friday and I am happily looking forward to a quiet weekend of doing stuff around the house. Hub has to work tomorrow, so I'll be a bit lonely. He hasn't had much overtime lately, and the money will help since 1) it's his birthday next Saturday and we are going on a surprise trip up to the DC area to visit friends and 2) our lawn mower is on it's last legs (wheels?).

I am still eating too much crap and not getting enough exercise. My weight is hovering in the same area, so it's at least not going up any more. We've been having a bit of an .. issue around our house with the equitable distribution of the housework since the cleaning lady is only coming once per month now. Instead of getting up at 5 to walk, I've been getting up at 5 to clean. We had a "come to Jesus" talk about THAT last weekend.

This afternoon's bit project is organizing the sewing room. Hub is building some shelving in the guest room closet for me, so I'll have additional storage (much needed for craft stuff).

I guess I'm organizing my proverbial nest for winter. :-)

Playing ketchup

This weekend was waaaaay too busy. Friday I shopped, Saturday we were out of town all day - getting home just in time to collapse into bed, and then Sunday I had gobs of cooking to do. The day ended with me falling into bed, exhausted, my kitchen looking like a crime scene. I've gotten up early the past 2 mornings, but instead of walking I've worked in the kitchen! Hopefully we'll get it cleaned up tonight.

We took the boat out yesterday evening, which was really nice. We were able to swim, but it seems to be cooling off around here.

Weight is staying the same.

Maybe one day, but not to-day

Many times on this journey I've gotten discouraged, and many times I've wanted to quit. I always tell myself that I can give up one day, just not to-day. Even though I don't have a lot positive to report, I can say that I haven't quit.

Thanks for reading and commenting Jack - it helps a lot!

A rut too deep to climb out of?

I am so stuck in my current rut. By the time I get home, I don't even have the will to try & climb out of it. It's a very discouraging feeling. My new mantra is "tomorrow." Not good. Evenings have become "snackin' time!" and morning has become "sleeping in time." Double not good.

Too much information, too many choices

You know how people are always complaining about not having enough time/ too much stress? Of course we do! Good grief - our parents didn't have nearly the responsibility to manage things like their health care and retirement funds the way we are expected to do today. Try managing all of those things, keep the household on a budget, raise kids, maintain the home, maintain the cars, cook, and hold down a full time job.

I need a wife! :-)

I am getting very frazzled.

Food isn't ugly, but it's in the "not good" range and I'm too tired to get up and walk. And I have too much on my plate for the weekend.

Things are pretty good - hub still working for a good company, boy liking his new school, but there's just a lot and my brain is feeling overfull.

I had a dream

I dreamt last night about my weight, only I'm not sure I was really me but I was (if that makes any sense).

I hope I am getting ready to be at a point where I am willing and able to deal with my weight.

I'm not gaining, but I'm not losing any either. Exercise is spotty, but not non-existent.

I'm not there yet

I'm still doing my Sunday cooking session to make the week easier. This year I decided that I would make the same thing for Minday and Wednesday nights: a casserole in advance, a pot of soup in the crockpot that can be re-heated for Wednesday - that sort of thing. My reasoning was that Monday and Wednesday are the nights I have available to go to spin class, so that would make it easier for me to go.

I have to admit, I haven't been yet.

I am walking my 2 miles in the morning regularly, but my eating is nowhere near under control and until it gets that way I don't feel up to spin. But I'm slwoly dragging myself back into my routine...

Please send cash :-)

Hub got the root canal (and filling). Our part is just over $800. He will need a crown, but it can wait until the first of the year, when our insurance starts over. He is filling better - his mouth is still a bit sore, but hopefully that will subside.

Last night we took my mom to the urgent care place. She was supposed to have a colonoscopy this morning and they had given her an anti-nausea medicine to help her keep down all that crap you're supposed to ingest. She was allergic to it, so off we went last night. She's feeling better this morning - I let the boy have the day off school so he could look after her. He was worried, and I appreciate the fact that he wants to help out. And I was tired.

So, earlier in the evening the boy came to us and asked us to sit down as he had something serious to discuss. His grandpa and his wife want to take the boat down to the Bahamas next summer, and he wants to go. Because she can't take that much time off work, it would mean that boy & grandpa would sail the boat from Washington NC down to Merritt Island Florida (a week's trip). His wife would fly down & meet them there, they'd sail to the Bahamas (a week down and a week back), drop her back off to fly home, and then sail back from Merritt Island. So, he'd be on the boat for a month.

I reminded him about the issues on the last trip. Granted, this time his uncle won't be there to make them nuts (he wasn't much help anyway), they won't have to rely on hard charts (GPS is working), and he can take along medicine for the sea sickness we had no idea he would get. But still, a month is a long time. We gave him permission, but hub wants him to have a personal GPS as well (for the record, hub does not share in our family's passionate love of the water).

My step brother in law and his wife may take their sailboat along as well (they live on Merritt Island), so they'd be caravanning down to the Bahamas, which would make everyone feel better.

Things like this make you realize that your baby is growing into a mature, responsible, amazing person.

I owe my soul to the company store

Let’s review, shall we?

January: husband has crown, resulting in an emergency root canal.
April: son needs braces
June: house has termites
September: husband’s tooth hurts – needs an emergency root canal, possibly a crown as well. Oh yeah, and of course the dental is nearly maxed out, so all but $250 will be out of pocket.

Should I sell blood? A dog? The dog’s blood? Just joking (so far).

We just can’t seem to get a stinking break this year. Oh well, we’re healthy and we have dental insurance.

Start of the school year

Overall, the post vacation/start of the school year seems to be going better than normal. My eating is getting back to normal, I’m getting up at 5 and walking every morning, and I seem to have a decent plan for meals – making a double batch of something (casserole on the weekend, something in the crock pot Monday) and then having it for both Monday and Wednesday nights. This frees up those 2 nights for spin class. No, I haven’t gotten back to spin class, but my house is largely back in order, my habits are falling back in place, and I’ll be back at the gym in the next couple of weeks. Baby steps.

I think I mentioned it – my company is sponsoring a “Financial Peace University” class for 25 employees. Names were drawn by lottery, and I got picked! It’s 13 weeks long. Every week we watch a 1 hour-ish dvd by Dave Ramsey, then we spend an hour talking about how to apply these principles in our lives, discuss where we are, goals – etc. So it can get fairly personal, but so far its okay. Luckily, no one from my department is in there with me. A girl I work with went through the last one and said it was great. Our spouses get to attend as well. It’s so great to finally be getting on the same page about money! I think this is a really good program.

The boy seems to be enjoying public school – he’s happier, he’s doing his chores and schoolwork with less argument (hopefully that will last!), and he’s getting up in the morning! Knock on wood!

Anyway, things have been kinda stressful with the whole back to school plus some (potential) re-structuring coming at work. But overall, things are okay.

In no particular order

The boy is already having a tough time getting out of bed.

The social life is already making homework look tedious.

Rather than switch to the free dish network that our phone company is offering (which would mean losing a bunch of channels we like) the guys have agreed to pick up the slack and have the cleaning ladies only come once a month. I’d like that in writing, preferably in blood.

We are trying to get a handle on our budget. To that end, we signed up when given the opportunity to take Dave Ramsey’s debt boot camp class when my company offered the class – for free. And my husband is going with me!

I am walking every morning. I’m really enjoying it. The three of us all getting up at the same time (5) makes it easier.

Jordan chewed up half a box of panty liners the other day – my husband didn’t find it nearly as funny as I did.

I am working Monday.

I have lost half a pound of the 6.5 I gained on vacation. I can’t imagine how.

Things are kinda stressful right now.

First day of school

The boy's first day of school seemed to go well. It was his first day of public school, first time riding the bus, and most of his classes were twice the size of his entire middle school at his old school. The bus was late (I waited until he’d been picked up to leave for work), but not terribly so. He said it was a bit overwhelming, but he seemed excited about it. He met a couple of kids (and a girl of course), figured out how to open his locker, and all in all seems to be adjusting to middle school much better than I ever managed to.

I was one of those really bright kids who never managed to fit in school very well (oooh, big shock I know!). I have to admit that as a parent, I'm glad my son turned out to be my polar opposite in that regard.

Despite all his coolness, he did give me not one but two hugs this morning! :-)

Too much

Right now I feel like I have too much - around the house, with school starting back, work, trying to get back into healthy choices with my food & exercise. Too many balls in the air send me straight to the pizza & beer, which is no long term solution.....

I’m here

Still trying to get things in order at home – I think its time to overhaul closets & that sort of thing. I’ve made some small inroads, but its time for some serious re-working.

School starts next week – that’s going to be a huge change (new school, riding the bus, etc). Lots of change – trying to figure out a schedule – not only for the boy but for us as well. Hub and I are taking a 13 week debt reduction class they are offering here at work, it meets every Thursday evening. We both want to head back to the gym (as does the boy), so we need to figure out the logistics of doing the things we want while getting something for dinner & that sort of thing.

This is always a hectic time of year, and this year is more of the same. I’ve tried to just stay flexible and not get too worried when things don’t go exactly to plan. For example: this past weekend I did the food for a friend’s wedding reception and this Saturday I’ll be attending the funeral of a friend’s son. Not part of the normal routine, but important things which must be factored in.

We’re committed to a couple of activities the last weekend of August and the first weekend of September. I hope after that to book 2 solid weekends at home to just veg!

Baby steps

The house is largely reclaimed and I can get my car in the garage again. I did the food for a friend's wedding reception yesterday (this isn't something I typically do, but she couldn't find a caterer and all she wanted was canapes). It was nice, but I am looking forward to a quiet weekend next weekend.

Work is settling back in, the boy has his open house at his new school tomorrow (he starts back next monday). Hub is going after work to buy new tennis shoes so he can walk with me in the mornings. this week I am back walking in the mornings, next week its back at the gym. I had a green drink for breakfast.

In other words, things are getting back to normal.

It lives!

Yes, I am back from vacation. My house is in decent shape, but my garage looks like it exploded. Also, I sprained ankle unloading the trailer. Pretty ironic, huh? At least it happened after vacation!

Loads to write, but no time right now.

There is no wagon, only Zuul

Things are are the usual pre vacation trying to do a bazillion things crazy. Wrapped up a big project, so work is much less pressure. Things at home are coming along - we are behind where we'd like to be, but we'll be pulling out of the driveway Saturday - but probably not as early as we'd like! :-)

Sorry if I don't post much this week - there just isn't a lot fitness-wise going on. except a friend is bringing his kettlebells on vacation - I may take advantage!

Food is a bit catch as catch can. just taking it one meal at a time and trying to make the best choices I can.

Hope you guys have a good couple of weeks!

I’m not crazy yet, just close

Work, as I’ve said, has been very, very busy. I have had deadlines every day, so pretty much I’ve just put my head down and trudged through each day as it came.

I don’t know what is up with hub – he’s been coming home and being an utter couch potato. Now, in the summer dishes are his chore. This morning I was looking for something, which I couldn’t find because the kitchen is a wreck. Instead of getting nasty about it, I get very overly dramatic and basically parody a tantrum – it lets me vent off steam while signaling to hub that I’m not mad at him. (Maybe this sounds silly but it works for us). So at 5:30 I’m tromping around the house fussing about it looking like a frat house the morning after and I can’t find anything and ARGH! Our dog Maya went to hide! Oops! Didn't mean to frighten the dog! :-O I am seriously hoping a session of dance music and house work occurs tonight.

Tomorrow I am cooking food to freeze for out vacation. Hub is finishing up a couple of projects and then Sunday we are packing the trailer and getting all the stuff organized that will be going in the car.

Busy weekend – but at least vacation is in sight!!!

Work is still crazy

I am getting a handle on things at home. Hub is feeling the pressure of leaving for vacation next week, being in a new (much more demanding) job, general parenting issues, etc. Last night was his night to get all teary & upset.

Work is still teh busy.

Work is C-R-A-Z-Y

Why do bosses always want the world right before you go on vacation?? :-) I am super busy here at work, vacation prep is coming along well, but I'm feeling stretched a little thin. I actually got teary just talking about it with my family yesterday. Not good.

12 more days till vacation!

I did it!

I called & signed up for tonight's spin class. I can watch some of the Tour before I leave, and finish when I get home. No excuses!

I get a newsletter from the dwlz.com web site (Dotti's weight loss zone). The last email issue had a lot of great things in it, but a couple really hit home:

"... never, ever make moral judgments about yourself because of your situation. You are not the problem. You are a wonderful and important person. The number on the scale is not you. Medical conditions are to be treated, but you don't beat up the patient for having a cold! Don't beat up yourself for being overweight either!

Life is a Mixed Bag

There are things that are outside of your control in life:
Your genes
Your Parents
Where you were born and raised
Unavoidable accidents and problems

And there are things that are your choice:
Whom you marry
Your job
Your daily routine
What you eat
How you exercise
How you spend your money
What you do with stress"

I can't exactly choose my weight, but I CAN choose what I eat and how I exercise.

One more thought for the day:
“If you really want to, you’ll find lots of ways; if you really don’t, you’ll find lots of ways not to.”- Filipino Proverb

I'm going to spin class!

Busy busy

Things at work are busy – which is good, but things at home are busy too, and my brain is feeling a bit like a revolving door these days.

I’ve continued to walk in the mornings, but haven’t made it to the gym. Chores plus not feeling well earlier in the week have led to procrastination. But I haven’t given up. My goal is to make it twice next week. They have a class Saturday AM I can attend as well. There is a spin class tonight, but today is a mountain stage, so I want to watch the whole thing. I know, skipping exercise to watch TV!!!

Food got a bit dodgy, but it’s back into the “healthy” zone. Last night I was hungry after dinner and wandered about looking for something – I finally settled on a couple of prunes with peanut butter. Enough to knock back the hunger, but easy on the stomach before bed.

Anyway, I’m hanging in there. It’s nice that hub seems to be on board as well. I was whiny and wanted something from the store last night. He asked me if I needed anything (he was prepared to go.) But I said “I ‘want’ something but I don’t ‘need’ anything. And he didn’t go. Also, had a meeting at work yesterday that involved ice cream and I skipped it – totally not worth 300-500 calories! Little victories…..

You don’t mess with the Zohan

Hormones. Hate them. I am in a mood that I can only describe as “evil.” What would make me happy right now? To trip someone and then run away laughing. I was cranky with my husband during our walk with morning. I was cranky with my dogs. I sat here and cried at work because my campmates are giving someone else a party (she’s my friend). I mean, how freaking ridiculous can you get? Please deliver me from hormones. Before someone gets hurt.

Just a quickie

Just wanted to drop a note to say hello. The weekend was nice. I'm afraid my brain is already in vacation mode! Going to spin class tonight even though I'd love to stay home and be a slug. Oh well, too bad. :-)

The scale and I aren't currently on speaking terms, but we're going to have to have a reconciliation pretty soon. Agh, when will I be able to make peace with my weight and fitness? Not accept it per se, just not have so many negative emotions rolling around my brain.

Yes, I am at work

In an effort to save vacation days, I am working today. It gives the hub some time alone at the house, which her rarely gets. And with several "big" vacations this year, I need to save time when I can. later this evening we are going up to the boat to enjoy the fireworks out on the lake.

Hope you have a nice weekend!

At least we’re in it together

My husband finally agreed to go to my doctor after a couple of years of bouncing around after his old doctor he really liked moved elsewhere.

Luckily, he really liked her and was willing to listen to her. I’ve been worried about him, but you know how it is: he’s not listening to me. She told him he needed to resume his exercise program and drop 10% of his bodyweight. He needs to lose a bit more than that, but that will be a really good start.

She must’ve really wowed him because he has agreed to make changes with a minimum of fuss. This morning he agreed to get up and walk with me and after vacation he wants to re-join the gym! He’s also agreed to give up evening snacking. Yes!!!!!

Tonight’s spin class is cancelled – I guess I have to go to 30/30. Sigh…

Have a great holiday!

Just for the record

I went to the cafe and bought a chocolate chip cookie. It was way too sweet and didn't taste good. I ate all of it but one bite. I think it's because I am mad at the scale, which is a completely irrational reason. Let that be the end of it and not the start of a weekend of crummy eating. that will be the end!

Tricksey scale, goodbye ranch, and this just in: Men are like from a whole different planet!

Tricksey scale, me hates you. I saw the same weight 3 days in a row (a half pound loss from last week), then this morning it says I’ve gained a pound and a half overnight. Uh, I don’t think so! I went to spin yesterday (3 spin classes plus 1 boot camp class this week!) and ate the same foods I normally do except I also had 4 veggie nuggets with buffalo sauce and ranch and a non-alcoholic beer. Somehow I doubt that had 6000 calories or whatever.

I have decided though to cut out the ranch (sniff sniff). I generally eat 1 tablespoon a day on my veggies at lunch (90 calories), but lately I’ve also started adding it to my evening veggies, and then of course I used it on my “buffalo wings”. Sorry ranch, but you got to go. I have some organic asagio cheese dressing that has less than half the calories. I’ve been buying the ranch from the café at work (it’s 25 cents for a little cup of it, I was trying to be responsible), so there’s no bottle at home to tempt me.

I had a really funny post planned for yesterday, but just never managed to post. Sorry! Anyway, this is kinda funny: Wednesday I came home from spin. I told my husband that I was exhausted, my legs were thrashed (I think they left and left wet noodles in their place 5 minutes into class) and that I was starving. Now, a woman would’ve been empathetic, but my husband immediately goes into problem solving mode and latches on to what he feels he can fix.

Hub: “What are you hungry for?”
Me: “I would like a taco, pizza, and cheese dip.”
Hub” “I have to go get gas in my car. If you really want cheese dip, I can pick you up some.”
Me: “No, I don’t really want cheese dip.”
Hub: “Would you like pizza?”
Me: “There’s no place that sells it by the slice.”

At this point, hub is getting exasperated because I am not cooperating and enabling him to “solve” the problem.

Hub: “I will buy a whole pizza, you can have what you want. I wouldn’t mind some pizza.”
Me: “No, that’s okay.”
Hub: “Well, WHAT DO YOU WANT??????”
Me: “Veggie nuggets. I can put some buffalo sauce on them and it’ll be like wings.”

Bless his heart, he means well, but he surely does make it easy to overeat.

I have breakfast and lunch planned for tomorrow (usual weekday fare) and a healthy but yummy dinner planned. Sunday is less planned, but I am determined not to go overboard this weekend! I am having a “free” dinner tonight (pizza), but won’t go crazy. I plan to have a beer or two with my homemade vegan nachos tomorrow. So I have a plan for most of the weekend.

Have a good one!

Where I complain and cry about my bloody forehead

I have chosen to make better food choices and exercise more faithfully. I even went to boot camp at the gym last night! But I have moments when I just wonder why. Not saying I’m about to bail, but I was walking down the hallway, and I thought to myself “I’m tired of beating my head against the wall until my forehead is bloody. I just want a slice of pizza.”

Maybe it’s because I was (yet again) the fattest, reddest, sweatiest person in the class and it made me hurt. And yes, I know pizza won’t help that, but sometimes I just feel like the changes are so slow. I know in my head that they add up. I’m out of the 180s on the scale! This IS working, and while I’ll never be in love with aerobics classes, I don’t mind doing this.

I have to figure out something to eat for dinner Friday.

Things are still going well. I did sleep in this morning – I was so tired after class last night! Way more tired than I am after spin class.

I like my gym for a lot of reasons: I've known the owner for several years (since before he owned the gym) and he's a really nice guy who genuinely cares about his clients. Also, I have 24 hour access which was the #1 reason I switched from the Y. I've been happy there overall. My only gripe is the class times: no early morning classes, no Saturday afternoon classes, no Sunday classes. So my only choices are Monday - Thursday at 6 or 6:30.

Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday evenings they have spin. Tuesday is usually boot camp, and every Tuesday in July is boot camp. So I either learn to embrace my inner camper, or I don’t do a class that night. Given how much harder I get pushed in the classes, I want to go whenever I can. And right now I have the luxury of being able to go as many times as I want, versus the school year when my time is more limited. So I may prefer spin, but right now I just want to get in as many classes as I can do comfortably. I’ll try to be a happy camper. :-)

She’s my second favorite

Monday night lady is officially my second favorite spin instructor. She plays awesome music (who wouldn't get a lift hearing "Fat Bottomed Girls" halfway through spin class???), her class is H-A-R-D, and she has this whole upbeat gung ho thing going, but with a maniacal rather than perky, twist. Indeed, she might be my favorite but I must stay loyal to my beloved Sonya.

After making dinner and killing yourself on a spin bike, what else is there to do besides take a long hot bath and go to bed? Oh, I did make my husband a salad.

I live such a glamorous life. :-)

In other news, hub and I are commuting to work together. I drop him off since I go farther into Greensboro and my schedule is more flexible. The down side: it's only fair to listen to his music half the time, so afternoons I have to listen to country music. Oh the humanity!

The boy got braces this morning! Cha-ching! Some days my life reminds me of that movie “The Money Pit”, where the couple buy the house and spend so much money cause everything is broken? Only that’s my whole life and not just the house! :-) I think every adult in America feels that way.

This morning I got up and walked 3 miles. Changed food up a bit this week:

B: “green” drink (2 c spinach, 1 T ground flax seed, mango, frozen mixed fruit) & a piece of whole wheat toast.
S: 5 prunes & pb
L: cucumber and tomato with dressing, casserole made with bok choy, tofu, and soba noodles.
S: piece of fruit and nuts
D: tonight & tomorrow it’s a southwest casserole with rice, black beans, tomato, and corn, and salad

Both those casseroles contain seasoning & stuff. ;-)

Energy level is feeling back to normal. Tonight is boot camp at the gym. Wish me luck!

McSize Me

Just a quickie as I have to leave to pick up the hub - we are now carpooling to work together to save gas.

Have you heard about this story? http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Story?id=5198060&page=1

This guy lost 80 pounds eating McDonald's. I'm glad he lost the weight he wanted to lose, but I don't really think this was a healthy way to do it. I think people want to not have to think, ya know? I think that maybe we're all so tired of all the conflicting messages about nutrition that we just want something simple. I think that's why folks use Slim-fast or the Subway diet or whatever - it lets you put your eating on autopilot. Which frankly is why I spend Sunday cooking food for the week and eat mostly all the same stuff Monday through Friday. I don't want planning meals to take over my life - food already has enough power thankyouverymuch.

I hope you had a nice weekend - I was pooped! I spent most of the weekend feeling tired & befuddled. I rested up, didn't do too terribly much. My weekend eating continues to improve!

Off to spin class tonight - I haven't taken a class with this lady. Hope she has good music and isn't too perky! :-)

Let’s recap

Exercise was very good with walking now up to 3 miles, and I went to the gym 3 times! Eating was also very good.

Last night I was tired, so I took the night off AND had snacks while watching a cheesy movie (Troy). But I got up and walked this morning and its right back to BAU.

I lost 2.6 pounds last week (my scale reads in 0.2 increments). Yes!

While I’m not feeling quite as “high” as I was Wednesday, I chalk it up to the fact that it’s the end of the week and I’m tired.

Tonight is housework, tomorrow is grocery shopping and sewing, Sunday is cooking and sewing. No worries – exercise will occur.

Have a great weekend!

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Can I take a moment to tell you how good I’m feeling? Eating healthy & exercising makes you feel good! Who knew??? :-)

Seriously, it’s true though. My evening routine makes my life sound about as exciting as that of a monk or something, but I’m enjoying the results. Go home, watch some “Star Trek” on the Spike network (what a silly name for a tv station), do a couple of chores, eat a little, go to the gym, come home, get cleaned up, eat a little & watch a little tv, go to bed. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Last night was my favorite spin instructor and boy was that a good class! Which was good because I went into the gym pretty mad! There is a 3 way stop right by the driveway to the gym. It was my turn to go, but this other lady went instead. While making a left turn and talking on her phone (NOT a hands free set), she still managed to flip me off! Like she wasn’t in the wrong! I was pissed! But I worked it all off in the gym. Heh.

I climb on the scale every morning, and every morning it shows a number just a tad lower than before. I expect it will level out over the weekend, but for right now the scale feels like a pretty cool toy. I haven’t lost enough to see it in the mirror, although I can feel it in my clothes a little bit.

The down side to this is that it has created a bit of anxiety for me about vacation. The beer is flowing, it’s primitive camping so my eating habits change quite a bit, and other than walking, there isn’t really any exercise. I hope all my shiny pretty new good habits don’t dry up faster than a rain puddle in the Mojave. I know I can practice moderation, but that can be tough when no one else is. Oh well, cross that bridge when I get there!

A bunch of different things

My grandma

Yesterday my mom called. She was halfway to the beach and my grandma's nursing home called her. My grandma had a slight bruise on her face and her lip was bleeding, so they sent her to the emergency room. (The result of living in a lawsuit happy society.) The only problem was that no one was with her and she has Alzheimer's. She could’ve been sitting there quietly or she could’ve been screaming and trying to escape the emergency room. Given that she has escaped once from a locked Alzheimer's unit, the emergency room should be a piece of cake. Mom's friend went to check on her, but if things got bad I would have spent my day sitting in the emergency room. I wouldn't mind a bit if it were necessary, but this is a regular occurrence and not only is the woman healthy as a horse, but she is also apparently made of rubber. I'm glad she's healthy - I just wish they'd quit sending her to the emergency room at the drop of a hat. When I called to check on her, the nurse said she didn’t know why they’d sent her there since it seemed obvious that my grandma had scratched her face and not fallen.

A blast from the past

Last week I got an email from a boy I went to school with for a couple of years – 9th and 10th grades. We stayed friends after school and kept in touch for a while even after he joined the Navy and I joined the Army, but gradually lost touch. No idea how he got my email, but we’ve emailed back & forth a couple of times. He is retired from the Navy and living up in Virginia. He was (and presumably still is) a nice guy, so this was a pleasant surprise and not “ohmygod, I can’t believe he tracked me down” kind of a thing.

Food

Not sure who the pod person is who seems to have taken over around here, but I’m not complaining! :-) Food has been excellent! I made the tastiest chick pea burgers to date for breakfasts this week – the only trouble is that they fall apart, so I have to adjust the binders. I used homemade bread crumbs instead of the kind in a can, and they didn’t work as well. Of course, they are much healthier.

Eating the same thing 2 (or even 3) nights in a row has made my life so much easier. The amount of cooking I am doing seems manageable! Also, on nights I go to the gym, I break my dinner up into 2 parts: I have a small serving of something before I leave and then have another small serving plus veggies when I get home. Because I am eating dinner so late, snacking after dinner isn’t happening.

Exercise

I have upped my morning walk to 3 miles and moved the alarm clock back 15 minutes. So far, so good on this. The big surprise is that I’m going to the gym! Monday I went to spin and yesterday I got up and walked and then went to a class called 30/30 last night. It was half an hour of cardio (spin, funnily enough) and then 30 minutes of body sculpting. We did lower body and it put a hurtin’ on me – I mean that in a good way. It was hard! I guess that’s the next best thing to lifting weights, which I’m still not doing. I slept in this morning – I’m not sore or anything but I needed the extra rest.

I am feeling fabulous! The only downer is that I am always the fattest chick in the class, which is tough. And my face gets all red & sweaty and I look like a big fat red sweaty blob and I want to cry but I remind myself that I don’t know these people so I don’t care what they think and at least I’m making progress so I need to just get over it. I’m just one of those girls who looks crappy when she works out no matter what my size. I used to think the same thing when I got home from PT in the Army and I was a size 6, so whatever.

My new crack

I finally broke down and tried the Altoids dark chocolate covered peppermints. They sounded weird to me, but boy were they a pleasant surprise! They are like a mini York peppermint patty, but with a hard inside instead of soft. And 2 only have 15 calories, so it’s the perfect thing when I want a taste of chocolate after lunch. My next door neighbor has the office candy bowl in his cube (which I can see from my desk!), and since I discovered the Altoids, the chocolate siren song has all but stopped. Sweet!

Overall, things are most excellent. I wish I didn’t feel so self conscious, but I doubt that will ever change so I’m just sucking it up.

Definite improvement

My eating was definitely better this weekend than it has been in a while. Not great – we had company and that means beer & junk around the house to tempt me. But certainly an improvement.

We worked on a lot of projects for vacation and took the boat out to the lake. The boy was at the beach, so we postponed Father’s Day until next weekend.

I am signed up for spin class tonight. I am feeling determined!

All the news that’s fit to print

Things here are going along pretty nicely – weight is down another half a pound, spin class last night was good, had a yummy dinner last night, some before spin (baked tomatoes) and the rest after (a small cup of vegetarian chili and a fruit smoothie). With fruit & veg consumption back up, I’m feeling better. I did elect to sleep in this morning – I was tired from spin!

Just puttering around working on stuff this weekend – I have 6 weekends left before vacation, so it’s time to bust a move!

Work is going well, the boy is having a nice summer (he’s heading to the beach this afternoon), and we finally got some rain last night! I tried watching that movie “Jumper”, but it was just weird so I went to bed. :-)

Things are going along well, I’m feeling happy. Hub started on the new job site (and as foreman!) yesterday. The real work starts Monday – these couple of days were just inventorying tools, reading the plans, that sort of thing. He so deserves this opportunity – it’s the culmination of 20 years of hard work in the construction industry. It’s taken him a while to find a company he really likes, but he has that now and I am so glad for him. I know this is a place he can stay until he’s ready to retire, or we move up to the reservation after I retire.

I’m feeling happy and grateful for all the good things in my life.

Catching Up

Things are going okay. Our team at work had team building yesterday – we went to a baseball game. It was fun, but really hot! So I was glad I hadn’t committed to spin class (I am signed up for tonight.) We went over to my mom’s house & had dinner over there, then the boy came home and spent the night. That meant he had to get up early to go back over to mom’s, but he had a new videogame he wanted to play with hub.

I am still walking in the mornings, doing mostly okay with eating. Last night I didn’t have anything after dinner. Yay! It’s hard – I would feel so much better if I lost just a few pounds. I hate feeling like a cow.

So, spin class twice a week, weights 3 times a week, and a morning walk. I may up the walk to 3 miles since it’s going so well. I keep reminding myself that every little bit helps.

The boy is going to the beach this weekend, so we decided to postpone our father’s Day celebration until the following weekend. He’ll be staying home and he & hub will be replacing the duct work under my mom’s house. How’s that for celebrating??

I haven’t tried riding the bus to work yet – but I am targeting next Tuesday. I took public transit all the time when I lived in Germany and never thought twice about it. Here it’s such a hassle! But still, I could save $50 a month by using the bus 4 days per week, not to mention saving the wear & tear on the car!

Our food bills get cut quite a bit in the summer since during the school year I feed the boy plus my mom eats at our place 3-4 days per week. During the summer it’s mostly just me & hub. So even though food prices are going up, ours are way down for right now. The changes I’ve made (buying local) haven’t really trimmed our food bills, but we are eating MUCH healthier. So it’s been worth the extra effort.

Here’s a typical day for me:

Breakfast: bean burger on half a whole wheat pita, “green” drink (spinach, frozen fruit, water)

Snack: fruit & nuts

Lunch: bean soup or casserole, big salad

Snack: peanut butter and prunes

Dinner: lentil soup, chili, spaghetti – something like that (no or minimal meat), sald or other veg.

After dinner: sometimes nothing, sometimes garbage – I continue to work on it!

The heat has backed off here a little, although the thunder storms never really panned out (sadly – we could use the rain). It’s back to the low 90s, which is better. It’s still hot when I get up to walk though. By the time I’m dressed and leaving the house for work, my face is still sweating slightly!

So, this weekend isn’t anything special. Just working on projects for the annual vacation, maybe having a friend over, and watching some movies from Netflix. Such excitement!

Better

We are supposed to be getting scattered thunderstorms over the next couple of days which should help lower the temperature and freaking humidity.

I slept like the dead for 8 solid hours last night.

I ate a healthy dinner, had a Blue Bunny low cal ice cream bar after, and that was it. No snacking after dinner. Go me! Now to do that a bazillion times in a row. :-)

I got up on time and had a great 2 mile walk. I’ve had some back pain (luckily the shin splints went away with the old shoes) so I am sticking to walking for right now.

I packed a healthy vegan breakfast and lunch. Yesterday I had a right sized lunch (300 calorie bowl of soup), but it was cream based – which left me with an upset stomach.

I have meals in place for the rest of the week, and something easy planned for Wednesday & Thursday so I can be sure to make it to spin class.

Misc.

Boy totally misbehaved at dinner last night and is grounded. Ugh.

It is hot as hades here – like, 100 with 65% humidity hot. Ugh.

After much nagging, the guys finally gave me my mother’s day gift – I just wanted my car cleaned out and new seat covers put on.

Eating was better this weekend, despite some mis-steps. Focus on the now. Also, go home and fix something for your breakfasts and lunches for this week.

I am very tired since I have been up since 12:30 due to insomnia – probably due to boy drama from dinner last night & subsequent stress eating. Ugh.

I hope to be more coherent tomorrow.

That was humbling

If I was in any denial about how much weight I’ve gained and fitness I’ve lost, last night’s spin class took care of it. Oh my god. I was hot. She wouldn’t put the fan on oscillate. I wanted to die.

I plan to start doing that twice a week.

Still here

Sorry about (once again) falling off the planet. I seem to be doing that a lot. My mom had outpatient surgery yesterday (she is doing fine), but I ended up spending the day at her house after I picked her up.

They had a little health screening booth at work yesterday. My cholesterol is much better since my doctor checked it in February, but my triglycerides are high. That just reinforces that I need to stick to eating healthy foods! I also found out that I can have it re-checked right here at work, so I am going to do a better job of eating healthy foods and not getting too de-railed on the weekend (like I did this past weekend.)

I continue to feel better and I am back to walking 2 miles every morning. I also signed up for a spin class for this evening, after crying to my husband last night that I’m “too fat” to go to the gym. My weight is headed back down. So baby steps for sure, but I am hoping to keep the momentum going.

I am also (once again) writing down what I eat to help with accountability. Yeah, I feel like I start over and over again, but as I always say: what’s the alternative?

Week in review

All in all, I have seen a lot of improvement this week. There have been times when I’ve been short tempered, but I have had a lot more motivation to do stuff in the evening, rather than just sitting. Last night I got out and took a walk! Eating has been better and I haven’t felt the need to comfort myself with food in the evenings.

I’ll be home putzing about the house this weekend. Hub is going to help me run the errands so I don’t feel overwhelmed by that.

All in all, things are going well.

Better choice?

I have been busting my behind an a presentation for my boss all day. By 3 I was pooped and totally craving a giant pretzel from the cafeteria. Instead I got a slice of sourdough with a light sprinkling of cheese. I figure that’s gotta be better than a huge dump of processed flour.

Things continue to improve. I did have an issue last night. I made my snack (my calories are portioned so I get a small snack after dinner), then sat down to eat it. The dip was totally mediocre. So what did I do? I ate it anyway, then sat there pissed off for an hour because I was denied a good snack! Why didn’t I just throw it away!?!? Which is what I did with the rest of the container when my husband said he didn’t like it either. I finally got up and fixed myself another snack! So, I had 2 snacks instead of one. It was like I gave myself a “do over”, unfortunately that didn’t negate the calories from snack one! Ugh!

Oh well, work in progress I guess.

Improvement

So, things here are getting better. I have more energy, I’ve been able to get up and walk in the mornings, my eating has improved… all in all I am feeling better.

The painful thing is to face the 20 pounds on top of the 15 I had gained. Ugh. I feel crappy. That weight is definitely affecting me, but I haven’t had the ability to take action. I am hoping that this is the moment that changes because, honestly? I’m tired of my body feeling like 5 pounds of poo shoved into a 3 pound bag.

Friday is the boy’s last day of school and then he is heading to the beach with his grandpa. Hurray!!! I plan to cook exactly 2 dinners next week, which the hub and I will eat off of all week. One will be chili – how easy is that? Without having to cook dinner every night, I will be free to go to the gym in the afternoon, maybe hit a spinning class if I’m in the mood, work on some of my craft projects… you get the idea.

I haven’t quite gotten everything on track, but things are heading in the right direction, which feels awesome. I can’t believe the difference a week makes.