What I'm thinking about

I like blogs - and blogging. I have blogs I've read for years - these people feel like part of my community. I appreciate the way blogging allows us to share our thoughts and ideas without anyone interjecting a "me too" or funny story, derailing our train of thought. My blog hasn't had a lot of that for a while, but maybe that will change. :-)

For Valentine's Day, hub and I are getting back to an idea we had a few years ago. Remember the year I gave him a Bikram yoga pass and he gave me a slot for a running clinic with Jeff Galloway? We're saving up and for this upcoming Valentine's day I'm getting a Bikram pass and he is getting a tune-up for his road bike.

It may seem odd that we're spending more on Valentine's gifts than we did at Christmas! But this is a gift from the heart - a gift that says "I love you and I want you to be healthy." It's an investment in ourselves. I can't think of anything more romantic than that.

It was 45 degrees this morning (the cold is moving in today, sadly). I wanted to sleep in, but "mean dog" (aka "the jack russell terrorist", aka "Jordan") decided otherwise. She crawled up from her position as my foot warmer and began licking my neck until I got up in self defense. I also walked yesterday afternoon. Everything looks so different in the daylight. ;-)

As I said, when I got home from work yesterday I took a walk. After that I previewed the kettlebell workout dvd I got from my mom. The instructor has a section where she reviews the main exercises - most I did in the kettlebell class I took that time, but there were a couple of new ones. The workout itself consists of a warm-up, followed by 3 different circuits of 10 or so minutes each. I know that doesn't sound like much, but kettlebells are intense!

The nice thing about it being in chunks like that is that I can start with just a little bit. Last time I overdid it on the first workout and wound up really hurting my back. I don't want a repeat! I think this is going to work very well. I'll have enough time in the AM to do kettlebells and take a short walk if I want to get outside (when the weather is warmer).

Hub is going back to the gym this weekend, and the boy will join him when he gets back in town (he went back to Wilmington with his grandpa for a few more days. I don't think he'll get back down there until spring break, which is gonna get hard for him).

I'm still feeling kinda ambivalent about the gym - sometimes I am excited about it, but not right now. I'll get my weights with the kettlebells and while I like using the elliptical, right now driving to use the "hamster wheel" doesn't appeal.

Around here we probably have another 10-12 weeks of cold weather, so I may change my mind.

I made a really good dinner last night - soem baked chicken (I pounded until then, then lightly breaded with homemade seasoned bread crumbs and baked), pasta with vodka sauce, and salad. We ate by candlelight, and I had some nice relaxing music. And no one fell asleep at the table!!!

Tonight is a chicken spagetti recipe and salad. No one is staying up until midnight.

Happy New Year!

Nom nom nom

Prepping my breakfasts and lunches on Sunday is paying off handsomely. For one, since very few people are working the choices in the cafeteria stink. And for two, it's been yummy, satisfying food. After all the rich foods over the holidays, it feels great to be eating some lighter, more veggie-laden stuff.

It wasn't as warm this morning, but I still got up and walked around the neighborhood. It felt really good!

Things that make you go "Hmmmm".

If you'll recall, I was recently contacted by an old friend from junior high. It went something like this:

1. I receive email. We exchange pleasantries.
2. We establish that his marriage recently blew up and that mine is great.
3. He stops emailing me.

So this morning when I check my email, I notice that I received an invite to "link" to someone on LinkedIn (it's sorta like facebook for professionals). Now, I set up the account months ago when a friend invited me, and a few other friends have offered to "link" to me, but I pretty much haven't bothered with it.

So this morning I get a notice that my ex-fiancee wants to "link" to me. Hmmm. Now, this is someone I knew for over a decade. Someone who, in the end, ended our friendship because it was too painful. I can understand and respect that. Sometimes there is just too much water under the bridge, you know? But, why is he contacting me now? He has no other "links" - did he join just to link to me? Where has he been looking for me? Has he (or anyone else) found this blog?

The whole thing is ... weird.

In other news, we had a nice holiday here and I hope you did as well. The weekend seemed awfully short. :-( It was unseasonably warm here, I got up this morning and walked. It was nice. I prepped my breakfast and lunch foods yesterday, so packing my lunch & breakfast was a pretty painless process today. It feels good to be eating more normal foods - I've been acting like gravy is a beverage for a couple of days. *lol*

Take care!

A little bit of venting

Yeah, yesterday’s post was a bit emotional. Hub and I did talk a bit this morning. I know it sounds odd, but sometimes difficult conversations are easier for us to have via phone. The good news is that we are both frustrated, together.

If you were to make a budget, it would probably look something like this:

1. Necessities (housing, food, heat, medicine)
2. Other bills (credit cards & other unsecured debt)
3. Other stuff

If my MIL had a budget (which will never happen), it would look like this:

1. Buy unnecessary crap from Fingerhut/Wal-Rip.
2. Bills
3. Food & medicine
4. Taking the dog to the vet, heart worm medicine

You get the general idea. MIL has always had her priorities completely screwed up. Add to that the fact that she is stuck in low paying jobs and that she is a compulsive shopper/hoarder (so was her mother), and the result is disaster. Hub doesn’t want her to lose the storage unit because it contains family heirlooms – nothing of monetary value, mostly letters and pictures and stuff that she has been hoarding from the rest of the family. Obviously he doesn’t want those things lost, and there’s no guarantee she’ll stay current on the rent.

Here she is, giving my mom a sob story about how she has to choose between food and medicine, but there’s loads of stuff that she’s bought since the last time we moved her! Add to that the fact that my mom is paying for her dog to go to the vet, and when my mom offered to take everyone out to dinner at the cafeteria last night, MIL wanted to know if they could go to Mimi’s instead (uh, yeah, at 3 times the cost!). And do you think she has ever said thank you to anyone for taking her out for a meal – ever? Of course not, because she is owed these things. We’re stuck cleaning up her mess, while she continues to make more mess, oblivious. She is the most self centered, self absorbed person I have ever met. She's never spent money on her kids (she didn't bother to raise them), but she believes that she is owed whatever she wants.

It’s very frustrating, but at least hub and I are frustrated together.

Sorta sucky update

My weekend was fine. I stayed home and did stuff around the house, hub worked. Today he went up to Durham to help out his mom. Not only did she get fired, but her boss is keeping her $500 security deposit (even though the apartment is spotless) just to fuck her over. So now she has no money, including no money for medicine. Which means we're giving her money. So, it was us he screwed over. Hub is calling his brother to see if he can help out.

It will always be something with her. She gets these shitty jobs with the crappy employers and ends up getting screwed pretty much every time. (Get me to tell you about the time she was robbed and the security equipment was broken only they were too cheap to fix it and they tried to force her to not file a report with the police). Nice, huh?

She has been a victim her whole life and that will never change. She will never save a dime or do anything to lift a finger to take care of herself and that will never change. She didn't raise her own children (she left that to her parents), but she expects them to take care of her. And that will never change. This is what I married into and I don't know how to deal with it.

Feelings (whoa whoa whoa)

Yesterday was a very emotional day. I reacted as a mature, responsible adult: I had cheese dip and beer for dinner. :-(

I didn't get the job I applied for in the other department. That is for the best. I'd heard some things from a friend that reports to the guy that made me realize I'd be miserable working for him. Of course, my feelings are hurt a little bit, but I'm okay with it. What got me was how I found out: our department was called together to announce one of my collegues got the job. In other words, he never even bothered to contact the people that didn't get the job. Nice huh? Our general procedure is that you let the rejects know first, then announce who got it. But this guy is clearly not one to bother with such niceities.

This does help me though - our 2 teams do the same work - we're just 2 teams due to the number of people. So, opening up that job means that between our two teams, we have 3 open positions now. That really will help us going into the next round of layoffs. I have heard they are doing them the first week of January. Ugh. Stress again.

The other (worse news) is that my MIL got fired from her job. NC is a "will to work" state - meaning, you can get fired with no notice for no reason. She was given a week to get out of her apartment (she lives on the property, she manages a storage rental facility). Apparently, the boss wants to give the job (and apartment) to the out of town girlfriend. He told Jan that a couple of customers had complained about her, but wouldn't say who or about what.

She is moving back up to DC (which she'd planned to do anyway) to be closer to the grandkids. She'll be staying with a friend for a while and my mom will be taking care of her dog. I'm sure she'll qualify for unemployment, but that takes a while to kick in. Hub asked if we could pay for her storage space (the boss is giving her a good deal on a space to store her stuff until she has a place of her own up north).

Here's my issue with that: my MIL is terrible with money. Remember when she was living with my mom? Instead of saving her income tax return ($500) for a down payment on a apartment, she spent it on clothes at Wal-Mart and we had to pay her down payment to get her out of my mom's house? Uh, yeah. Once she gets her unemployment, she'll use it to go buy crap. So why are we using our hard earned money to support her bad behaviour? If she really needed it, yes, I would help. But I'm not convinced she'll need it. But this is very hard to discuss with my husband, because how do you say those things? Well, I just said them.

I'm not sure how we come up with a compromise that doesn't leave either of us feeling resentful, but we've got to try. His mother is never going to be able to live on her social security, so this is going to be a problem for a long time to come. Her health isn't all that great, so I don't know how long she'll be able to work. Not trying to borrow worry, but I know that the decisions we make now are precedents for how we deal with her in the future.

Anyway, it was a very emotional day and I didn't handle it well. Oh well. You win some, you lose some. I just feel like I've been losing a lot lately I guess.

I still have many things to be grateful for, so I'm trying to keep perspective.

Some things concerning me today

Have you heard about the Consumer Products Safety Improvement Act which goes into effect in a couple of months? What does it do? In short, makes homemade toys, clothing & other products illegal. If you want to sell them anyway. Read more here.
http://thebabygardner.com/blog/2008/12/11/love-handmade-a-call-to-action-for-all-of-us/

Wow. Look what happens when folks aren't looking. It's enough to make you paranoid.

In other news, my MIL got fired from her job. Apparently, the boss wants to give the job to his girlfriend. But that's a post for another day.......

Pretty good

I had a pretty good weekend. Hub had to work, and we didn’t get to go out on a date. I got loads done – shopping, cleaning, cooking, decorating. Today is supposed to be the last of the long hours for him. Exercise remains a memory. Food-wise, some days are better than others. I’m okay with that for now. With the boy out of school (and going with his grandpa for a few days), I may try going by the gym on the way home from work next week. OTOH, I am embarrassed by how I would look in shorts on the elliptical. Yes, I feel too fat to be seen at the gym. How sad is that?

Anyway, there is a lot of work & introspection needed, but right now I can’t focus on it. I’m just trying to enjoy the holiday, appreciate the blessings we have, and take care of the things I need to get done. I don’t mean to sound depressed or anything (I’m not), I just mean I’m okay with the fact that things have been crazy and that now isn’t the time to try to change my routine.

I’ve always been crazy, but it’s kept me from going insane

This week has been nutso. Monday and Tuesday, hub worked until 11 pm. For the record, he starts work at 7 AM. Wednesday he had the day off (to catch up on sleep and avoid a psychotic episode). That afternoon we were thankfully able to get the shopping done for the boy. He ONLY worked until 8 last night. He does have to work this weekend. He is going to try to get of work early enough on Saturday so we can go out to eat. At a restaurant. Wearing clean clothes. Hopefully he won’t fall asleep at the table.

I’m very glad he was able to shop for the boy with me as our main gift to him this year was tools. Specifically deep well sockets and a bunch of other stuff that I don’t know what it does so that he can work on his 4 motorcycles. What? You mean all 13 year olds don’t have 4 motorcycles????

In fairness, he really only works on and rides 2 of them. One is a full size bike that belongs to his uncle, but he’s moving to Florida and can’t take it with him. I have no idea whether it works. Another is a full size motorcycle that he & his uncle converted so it is electric. Bikes 3 and 4 are dirt bikes – the Honda is pretty reliable, but he is forever working on the Suzuki.

Every day since he has brought the bikes down from his grandpa’s house I come home to the sight of a filthy boy working on a motorcycle in the garage where my car should be, blasting Guns n Roses. My house smells like gasoline. All the time. I’m afraid the smell will poison the cat who shares his bedroom. At least he’s home.

Anyway, shopping is mostly done. This weekend I have to wrap and hopefully get my cards done. On top of the usual cooking, cleaning, & shopping. The boy will be gone and hub will be working – woo hoo! Party at my place!!!! Just joking (maybe).

Have a good weekend.

Profound thought of the day

"Never to underestimate the destructive power of negative feedback loops." I read this in an article today. It’s a quote by an expert on the current economic crisis, but if you think about it, this is really a universal truth. Negative feedback loops are insidious things, they can start so small and can be so difficult to get out of. Like trying to launch yourself into orbit – the force required to leave the gravity of the earth is tremendous – so is the gravity of the loop.

That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to do lately. Doing so while dealing with hub’s crazy work schedule and everything else has been difficult. Maybe what I need to do is stop feeding the loop by getting so down on myself when things don’t work out like I want or plan.

Just a thought.

Kinda crazy on the home front

My poor husband got home at 11 o’clock last night!!! They are doing some big walk through inspection today. Gah. I got up and packed his lunch and dinner (just in case) and cooked him a nice breakfast sandwich on a homemade biscuit. Poor guy. To say that he is burnt toast is a pretty massive understatement.

I expect to get home a bit late tonight myself. I have no idea what to make for dinner – I was going to do lentil soup in the crock pot, but I didn’t have time to put it on this morning. Hello Cici’s Pizza!

My plans for the weekend after Christmas are to either paint the boy’s room (he picked out grey with black curtains – barf) or to make a mock-up of a Viking apron dress. I’ve never made one before so I want to make a mock-up first because I am totally intimidated by the expensive fabric I bought at Pennsic!

I’d like to make a green table runner for the dining room table to go with the Christmas table cloth – I haven’t been able to find one I like. Other than that, I’m pretty pleased with the decorations (well, once we get the decorations on the tree).

After Christmas, I’d really like to paint either my bathroom or my kitchen. I’m bored and would like a change.

I can’t wait to get back to a more normal schedule.

June Cleaver didn’t have a day job

Today is the day that hub’s building was supposed to be completed and turned over to the school. As if! The school has said they are moving in Saturday. However, this does not mean that they are necessarily done – it just means they have to do all the little pesky finishing up things while working around furniture deliveries etc. In other words, will the 12 hour days/7 days per week end next weekend? Who knows? All I know is that my poor husband fell asleep at the dinner table last night.

In the meantime, my stint as June Cleaver continues. Get up, feed animals, pack lunches, cook breakfast, then get myself ready for work. Come home, fix supper, convince son that he is neither Cinderella nor being abused because I ask him to do the dishes 2 days in a row!!! (Oh, the plight of these poor put upon teens….) Do laundry, run errands, help with homework. Weekend is spent doing household chores – cleaning, shopping, cooking. And of course this weekend it also involved putting up the Christmas decorations. I had the tree set up with lights on, as well as the rest of the decorating. We were going to put the ornaments on after dinner, but what with the falling asleep at the table and all, we decided it would be best to try again for next weekend.

I can hardly wait for Christmas just because I know I’ll get to sleep in!

Whiny post

My drippy nose had become “the world’s largest snot factory” ™ Tuesday night, which led to “annoying cough that keeps you awake” last night. Ugh. I have too much to do to be sick!

I was running late yesterday morning and didn't pack my breeakfast. So, I had to buy at work and my choice was a bit iffy. This was followed by a soft pretzel as my afternoon snack, and a beer while I soaked in the tub.

Comfort eat much?

Oh well, for now I am weighing myself every day and have set a goal for the end of December. Exercise continues to not happen. :-( Hopefully after I am feeling better!

I’m here, just busy

Once we got back from the beach (which was very nice), hub began working 12 hour days. So things at home are a bit hectic. Work is semi-hectic. Eating is much improved, exercise is being put off for housework. Not good, I know. I have a full blown cold.

I have plenty to be grateful for: our health, good jobs, out home & pets. We’ve decided to donate a good chunk of our Christmas budget to charity – given our blessings, it seems only right.

I’m trying to get more regular about posting, but I can’t promise anything until after Christmas! Just know I’m hanging in there, hope you are too! :-)