Day 4

Not doing too bad. I've lost 3 pounds in 3 days. My gums are a little sore, but I'm feeling less run down today. My energy levels are normal, no headache, and the stuffy nose is gone as well. I'm not super hungry. Hub's lunch smelled wonderful, but my desire to eat has been out of want rather than need. I'll peek in the fridge wanting something - not out of hunger, but habit.

Anyway, I seem to have made it past the dreaded day 3 that a lot of folks complain about. My next challenge is day 6/7 - one of those seems to trip folks up as well. Hopefully it will be manageable.

I have a meeting with the guidance counselor, so hopefully tomorrow I will have an update on the boy situation.

Happy Halloween!

Day 2

I slept A LOT last night - 10 or so hours. This morning my gums are swollen and my teeth hurt a bit (this is a sign my body's under stress - generally it means I'm getting sick but I think this is a sign of detox). No headache yet.

I won't lie - I'm hungry. I went to bed hungry but not wanting any more juice and woke up with some left so I drank that then went back to bed.

Overall I don't feel bad. The longest juice fast I've done is 4 days, so I know I can do this.

When I got up this morning I was down 1.4 pounds. I plan to have my fasting blood work redone at the beginning of December to see if the diet has made any improvements in my bloodwork.

Day 1 mostly done

Nearly finished day 1 of my juice fast. I haven't been terribly hungry. When I do one of these, I tend to sip my juice and have a little every couple of hours. The most I've every done in the past is 4 days.

Breakfast juice tasted a little like dirt, but it wasn't foul - just a bit too earthy. Dinner is a takeoff on gazpacho: 3 stalks of celery, 1/2 an english cucumber, a red bell pepper, a carrot, 1/2 lime, 4 roma tomatoes, and a couple of shakes of hot sauce. Pretty good, but it could use some salt! *lol*

Be your own guinea pig

Day 1. I went to the nurses office this morning to check my blood pressure and have my fasting bloodwork done.

It was a mixed bag.

My overall cholesterol is good, but my "good guy" cholesterol is low.
My triglycerides are high
My blood pressure, while not considered "high", is higher than it should be - pre-hypertensive
My blood sugar is good.

Can you say wake up call?????

I am now happier than ever that I decided to do this juice fast. Clearly I HAVE to get serious about 1) cleaning up my diet 2) losing weight and 3) exercising more.

I've already started on 3 - now it's time to take care of 1 and 2.

Have a great weekend!

And back down

Back down again. The boy and I had a long talk yesterday. He is miserable here and wants to go back to NC for sure. As a parent, it is so painful to see your child unhappy. Even though this move isn't my "fault" (or anyone elses), I still feel incredibly guilty for his unhappiness.

There are times in your life when all you can do is just put your head down and focus on putting one foot in front of the other and trudging down the path. It's not a very positive way to feel, but sometimes that's all you can do. That's where I am right now. It's like the antithesis of buddhist mindfulness.

I know it will be okay, but it isn't okay right now.

Good news/bad news

I have a former co-worker who relocated to Phoenix. Her FIL works for the NC Employment Commission. He looked into hub's case, explained what happened, and told us what to include with the appeal. He spoke with the appeals department and they are confident his claim will be approved on appeal. The bad news is that they are (as you can imagine) seriously backlogged and it will likely be "several weeks" before he begins collecting unemployment. Sigh.

Thank goodness we knew someone to ask who could help us.

The dog ate my sofa, and other not too funny tales

The puppy has lived up to her nickname "PMD" (puppyof mass destruction). In the past week she has eaten 4 remote controls, a cookbook, and the futon sofa. We have purchased a crate and I am sad to say we are going to resort to crating her during the day until she is over teething. It will also help if the boy is more consistent with taking her to the dog park etc. - he's been slacking lately.

Hub's unemployment claim was denied. He is appealing, and who knows what will happen. But hey, it's not like we need the money for food or gas or anything. Let's just say things are going to start getting pretty tight.

I am working from home today. The boy was throwing up this morning. But last week when he didn't feel good he never went in once he got up, so today I intend to be here to help encourage him to go in late rather than missing the whole day.

I was awake from 2 until 5. Not good.

Call me crazy

I know I posted the other day about watching those documentaries. One that really struck a nerve with me was "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead". It has prompted me to try a 10 day juice fast - not only to lose weight (although that is a big part), but to help me regain some energy. I am not making healthy choices and I think a radical overhaul can only help. I plan to start Friday. I've been (with little success) been trying to find a farmer's market near the house). I may have to settle for the flea market, supplemented with Costco and W-M.

I know it sounds crazy, but I need to do something. Today I dragged out my juicer and directions to re-learn how to use it. I juiced today. I drank it quickly and felt a bit oogie. Probably too much at once. I'll keep you posted!

Life

Hub is coming home for a few days! Things are going better with the boy. Yesterday we checked out the flea market (a weird mixture of crap and yard sale crap) plus a decent produce stand. We also went to a farmers market in Ft. L. A long way to go for expensive organic produce that I can get for the same price at Whole Payckeck. We were going to eat lunch at a pita place down that way a co-worker told me about. Oddly enough, the only day they are closed is Saturday, so that was a no go. There was a British Pub in the same stripmall, so we ate there. Awesome! We shared fried (fresh) mushrooms - the boy had a chicken sandwich and I had curry. Everything was great. We had a nice day.

This morning I woke up at 5. I fed the dogs and started laundry. Jordan and I took a long 45 minute walk, then I finished laundry and cleaned the kitchem. I found a sleeveless top reduced at W-M yesterday for $3 - I bought 2 and they fit, so I went back and bought 3 more. I'm low in the sleeveless shirt for exercise & walking department, so that was a nice find.

I've done some cooking and finished loading the dishwasher (I love a quiet dishwasher). The boy is out with N riding his dirtbike. He's given up trying to register it and make it street legal (thank God). He used google earth to find some trails down near alligator alley, not far from the house.

N's dad just got a new job as the head chef at a local country club and may be able to get the boy's jobs. That would be good. I know boy's grades aren't the best, but I think a dose of reality might be a good thing.

I am getting really burned out of life as a single parent. truly. I don't know how my mom did it - or any other single parent.

Work is going pretty good. Overall I'm less stressed out and on the edge, although I can't say things are a lot better. I think I'm just adjusting.

Documentaries

Things are going along about as usual. I have watched several documentaries in the past week I thought I'd mention:

"Forks over Knives" A dcoumentary focused on the work of Drs Esselysten and Campbell about nutrition and the effect of the American diet on health.

"Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" Focusing on two men who have serious health issues, this documentary chronicles the rigorous healing path -- including a two-month diet of fruits and vegetables -- that both attempt in a bid to rescue their health.

"Ashtanga NY" A documentary about the visit from India of the Ashtanga guru to NY during the 9/11 attacks.

"Running the Sahara" America's Charlie Engle (from Greensboro NC), Canada's Ray Zahab and Taiwan's Kevin Lin embark on an unprecedented quest to traverse the entire Sahara desert -- on foot. Along the way, the runners encounter the beauties and hardships that accompany modern African life.

I enjoyed them all.

Brief Update

Things here are ... okay. I swear stuff keeps popping up - I realized Friday my NC license plates have expired, but I can't get one in Florida until 1. They receive the title from the bank so they can create a Florida title (requested today) and 2. I pay them around $400. So now I wait for the title to get here and hope I don't get pulled over. I swear, I've never had this happen in my life. How embaressing! Also, I'm not sure whether I can register the car or if I have to wait for hub to get back since I still don't have a Florida license (still waiting on my marriage certificate from Hawaii).

I was very emotional Saturday night. I don't know why, I just was. I was planning to go to a hockey game with the boy, but I told him to take his friend N and I stayed home and watched Puppetmaster 1 and 2 (so many unanswered questions).

Anyway, some good, some tired, some blah. But overall gradually getting better IMO.

So Proud

I was having a pretty good Thursday morning, until hub called me. We've been expecting his unemployment to kick in for about a month - he got the letter saying (we thought) he'd been approved a month ago and asking for our banking information.

After 5 days of trying to get a human on the phone at the unemployment office, he finally did. What they said basically came out as "Since you quit your job you aren't approved - let us kno where you've applied for work and maybe we'll review your case and give you money." Never mind that several folks who transferred haven't had any issue since they qualiy under the "trailing spouse" provision. He was So upset, and I totally lost it. At work. As in cried off all my make-up and proved to anyone within earshot like I could curse better than any sailor or reality tv star. Yeah. One of my finer moments.

He called back a couple more times and got a better explanation of what he needs to do and it does sound like he will start getting benefits, but probably not back to the point he beagn applying for jobs.

I have pizza and beer for dinner last night.

Oh, and My NC license plates have expired but to get new ones in Florida I have to get the bank i have the car loan with to transfer the title to Florida before they'll give me plates. Between vehicle tax and registration, total cost around $400. I have NO IDEA how long that will take, but I'm driving with an expired plate until then.

Does it ever get easier???

Workout and etc.


The boy is home from school today. He called me on the way to work and asked me to call him in absent because he was sick at his stomach. I have another dr. appointment for him tomorrow - I hope they can do something, this is crazy.


This morning I did the lower body workout on Kathy Smith's "Lift Weights to Lose Weight" - I have to say I like the lower body workout even better. It was tough and all you really needed was a chair! I had a weight bench, so I modified and used that. It was hard! I was sweating (more than I would have liked!) and there was some points when I had to stop it was so tough. I felt like I had a good (thought brief) lower body workout. I can totally see these working.

I do have a Joyce Vedral dvd coming soon from netflix. I have a couple of her books - she was one of the very early proponents of women lifting weights like men (just lighter), but I've never seen any of her videos. So I'm curious.

Anyway, not too much else to report. Jordan and I took a short walk last evening. I watched the first half of "My Name is Bruce" which is a horror spoof starring bruce Campbell, spoofing his own career and movies. I made a yummy meal of baked salmon, scampi noodles, and a big salad. The boys picked at a salad - with my boy eating a little salmon later in the evening. So glad I cooked a good meal for them. Grr. (His friend N eats at our house more than he eats at home).

I got a good night of sleep and I'm taking tomorrow off work to take care of a bunch of errands. A mom's work is never done!

Have a good one!

Workout video

I'm doing great with walking - the dog and I actually walked twice yesterday! We did around 25-30 minutes in the morning, and then a long 40 minute walk in the afternoon. So this morning I decided we needed to sleep in. :-) We'll walk again this evening.

My stretch and yoga classes are going good - yoga is very difficult, but I am glad I signed up for these classes.

Weights - not so much. I haven't been very motivated to do my kettlebells - it's a major production since I have to shut myself away from the dogs. Since it wasn't gettign done, I decided to try a different tactic.

This morning I brought in a weight training video and came in to the office extra early so I could go downstairs and do it in the gym. I checked out a video from the library: "Lift Weights to Lose Wight" with Kathy Smith. It's 2 discs and each has 2 20 minute sessions - 1 for upper body and 1 for lower. Disc 1 is supposed to be the more basic of the 2 so that's what I did this morning.

Overall it's a good workout. I'll need to do it a couple of times to figure out the correct weight to use for the exercises given how many reps we do. Her queuing was a bit off (or I was) a couple of times, but generally it was easy to follow. She IS a little chipper for o dark thirty, but oh well. Like I said, overall a good workout.

I have a couple of other videos in my netflix queue I want to try. The guy who works down there says that when he gets caught up (they are down to 2 folks from 3 so responsibilities are being juggled) that if I come in that early he'll be happy to work one on one with me some. That would be great! I told him that right now I need all the motivation and help I can get!

The more things change, the more they change

The boy is waffling. Mom called and there aren't any tuition slots at his old high school. Since mom lives in a different county, he would have to go to the high school where she is. So he is really torn. I am meeting with a lawyer Friday to discuss giving my mom custody so she can enroll him and what that looks like down here and timeline etc. So, once we have those facts he can better make a decision.

We had a very good, genuine adult conversation last night. He asked if I felt I'd made the right decision going away to high school and he talked about how hard school is here and how he's feeling. He cried a little. I told him I knew he could be successful whatever he chose to do and that I would support him whatever he chose to do.

Have I ever mentioned that being a parent is the hardest job on the planet? At least if you give a rats butt.

Anyway, I ate exactly one meal yesterday which isn't great but ugh I was so stressed and felt like poo. Today I was sure to pack all my healthy food and eat it. Poor boy is liteally sick nearly every morning. The medicine the doctor gave him for gastritis doesn't seem to be helping, so I think we'll be headed back to the doctor. I feel sure it's stress, poor kid.

Being high strung can suck.

Anyway, I got a fair bit accomplished at work today. I certainly could have been more productive, but not much. Honestly, I did much better in that department. That felt good.

I walked the dog this morning and I think we'll go again tonight. I checked out a couple of weight lifting videos to try out at the office gym. No dogs "helping."

Some days better, some days not

I was up from 1 am to 5 am, just feeling really overwhelmed and stressed. I met with the counselor tonight, but even before I was feeling better. I took a nap, I ate some dinner. It's like I used up a lot of my emotions, and I'm feeling a little calmer.

With the counselor I was able to formulate some strategies for focusing better at work - that's feeling a little out of control so having that more in control will help. I just go and can't seem to get focused and organized. I am going to schedule my time so that I have appointments set for myself on all my different projects. At any given time I'm working on 4-5 different things, and I am responsible for managing my time. Needless to say, right now that's hard!!

The boy can't go back to his old high school, he would have to go to the school in my mom's district, so he's back to not knowing what he wants to do. I have an appt with the attorney on Friday to find out what we would need to do to give my mom custody - which is what we'd have to do for her to enroll him in school up there. I know this is the biggest decision he's ever had to make, but at his age I know it's one he's going to have to make for himself. He's too old for me to force him into staying he against his will - that would backfire bigtime.

Anyway, I totally pigged out last night & in the middle of the night to the point I felt ill. Not good. I didn't eat at all until supper - I just felt too dreadful. So that's not good, but I'm hoping that will subside. Hub and I are communicating better - really talking, making decisions, and that feels good.

So, better I think.

Frustration

As I've written before, financially it's very difficult down here. Hub is up in NC doing some work for my mom and then doing some work for an old neighbor. The issue is that he isn't exactly doing the work at my mom's with any sense of urgency. She's had him do a fair bit of work (or he was supposed to) while we were at her house and he treated it more like a vacation than a job. He's hoping I'll hate it here enough to move to the reservation. Let's just say I'd have to be pretty damn desperate. So he's banking on not staying. Leaving any time soon = financial disaster. So let's just say I don't think we are communicating very well.

One thing that will improve our financial situation is the fact that the boy has decided he wants to go back to NC. He is very unhappy here. I am very conflicted about this. On the one hand, he's my son and of course I want him with me. OTOH, I know he isn't happy and I'm not sure how well things will go here, so it's probably for the best. I was being flippant about the finances - it will help not to have him on the car insurance, but that has nothing to do with any decisions.

In short, I feel like my whole family is falling apart.

Hello cheese dip, my old friend

Once again I have turned to food to help cope with stress. Right now the major source of stress is two-fold:

1. Financial. I can't support us on just my paycheck. South Florida is crazy expensive, but I didn't get a raise when we came down. Example: car insurance more than double, property tax triple, home owners insurance 8 times what we paid in NC. That amount to thousnads of extra dollars a year and not paying income tax to the state doesn't even begin to offset the extra expense. In addition, we are faced with somewhere in the neighborhood of $7,000 of work that needs to be done on this house, in varying degrees of soon. Foundation - next year or so, roof and sprinkler system asap, plumbing not as important. Short term, we could mostly get by on my income plus hub's unemployment. He was approved a month ago and hasn't gotten any money yet. It should kick in soon, the back money will need to go to helping pay for car insurance ($2800 for 6 months) and car registration (about $500 per car). One option (although unattractive) is to become a one car family. I can take the bus to work and that would save us over $500 per month. but it makes it difficult (once hub gets a job) to go to dr appts, meetings, anything like that.

2. The boy. I don't even know what to say here. He is unhappy. Add that to his temperment of wanting what he wants when he wants it and a bad temper, and it's just awful. He stayed up till 1 working on his car the other day, and when I woke him up and told him he'd be grounded if he didn't go to school, he got up in my face screaming obscenities. Frankly, I sincerely hopes he takes some time off after high school (assuming he finishes) and does something else - preferably he'll go in the coast guard. He needs a dose of real life in a bad way. He doesn't do drugs or break the law, he just does not accept that he can't do what he wants when he wants. I know I'll miss him once he's grown, but right now I honestly don't enjoy having him around very much - especially with hub out of town for the nex tmonth.

Yeah. hub is up in NC doing work on my mom's house. She is not going to put it on the market before she comes down - frankly, right now I have no idea how long we'll be here. I love this house very much and I love having the pool, but I have no idea how people survive down here with the cost of living being what it is. We miss home. I hope hub finds a job as that will make things easier. Also, I should be getting a little money from my grandmother (I have no idea how much), but I'm hoping it's enough to get done on the house what we need to and get caught up.

Some good things: I am walking regularly, doing stretch and yoga at the fitness center at work (we can't afford a gym), and I am going to look for a decent weight lifting dvd so I can take that in and do it at work as well.

Work itself is okay - I'm just having a tough time focusing on it. I have a list of "to do" and I can do the easy stuff, but the more difficult analysis stuff just keeps getting postponed. Le sigh.

Today we are supposed to go to the Coral Castle. It's been raining since last night, so that may not happen today.

"Some things never change, some things do"

A lot has changed since I started this blog. People I read faithfully have stopped blogging, others have locked their blogs. I wonder what happened to them. I miss them.

I certainly haven't blogged faithfully. A lot has changed and I've struggled to figure out how this blog fits in.

A lot has changed this year. There are things in your life that you assume are unchanging constants: your relationship with your spouse, your family, your work, your habits. This year has taught me that the things that never change are awfully few in number.

This year has changed and challenged pretty much everything in my life. My family has faced, and continues to face, some pretty serious adversity. I've made the decision to go to counselling in an effort to cope with some of these events.

I'm not quite sure how this blog fits, only that I need it to. For a time this was about weight, then it was about fitness, now it's about health - mental, physical, spiritual.