Today was a pretty good day - work was busy but good, Cross Fit was hard but fun.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with an attorney to draw up a legal separation agreement. I'm pretty sad. I mean, I know I'll feel better when that's tackled but still, it's sad.
That's all I got tonight.
Take care.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Monday, April 27, 2015
Oh hello!
Got busy hanging with my son & doing stuff around the house & forgot to post yesterday!
It was a fine day, even though it was rainy all weekend. I took yesterday off from exercise. Instead I worked on organizing my room, hanging art & curtains, etc. I need to to do some organizing, & get my husband's stuff together so he can take it when he comes to dog sit. But I got a lot done and it looks SO much better.
I hope you have a nice evening!
It was a fine day, even though it was rainy all weekend. I took yesterday off from exercise. Instead I worked on organizing my room, hanging art & curtains, etc. I need to to do some organizing, & get my husband's stuff together so he can take it when he comes to dog sit. But I got a lot done and it looks SO much better.
I hope you have a nice evening!
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Hurray for the weekend!
Happy weekend! I went to Cross Fit this morning. Wednesdays &
Saturdays we do Olympic lifts - today we did clean & jerk. It was
such an awesome class! Food is planned, errands are run, and I plan to
alternate relaxing and knocking a few things off my to do list.
Turns out hub had already taken himself off the 2 bank accounts - and hadn't told me. Which is fine, but you could have let me know? (See what I mean?). Oh well, that's taken care of!
I plan to hang my new curtains and work on getting my clothes sorted & organized better now that I have both dressers. Maybe watch a movie. My son is on his way down, so that'll be nice too.
I hope you enjoy your weekend!
Turns out hub had already taken himself off the 2 bank accounts - and hadn't told me. Which is fine, but you could have let me know? (See what I mean?). Oh well, that's taken care of!
I plan to hang my new curtains and work on getting my clothes sorted & organized better now that I have both dressers. Maybe watch a movie. My son is on his way down, so that'll be nice too.
I hope you enjoy your weekend!
Friday, April 24, 2015
Another one of those days, but it's done!
Last couple of days have been difficult. I went by the bank this
afternoon. For some reason, my husband's debit card transactions were
posting to MY checking account. WTF!??!! They got it straightened out,
but the whole 2 day mess was made worse by the fact that he didn't
communicate with me, just ignored my attempts to communicate with him. A behavior which makes me NUTS!!!!
One thing I'd gradually forgotten since we've separated is how stressed and crazy it makes me when he avoids dealing with stuff he doesn't want to. I'm not perfect (FAR from it), but not talking about or dealing with stuff (especially business type things) is foolish. And frustrating when you are trying to and your spouse is avoiding.
I have not totally stuck to my plan, but I haven't gone off the rails either. I have a solid plan in place for the weekend. Plenty of stuff on my to do list, but it includes fun things (hanging new curtains!) and exercise as well. And to RELAX!
I wish I were doing better, but I'm doing okay. And maybe right now just doing okay is ... okay.
Take care!
One thing I'd gradually forgotten since we've separated is how stressed and crazy it makes me when he avoids dealing with stuff he doesn't want to. I'm not perfect (FAR from it), but not talking about or dealing with stuff (especially business type things) is foolish. And frustrating when you are trying to and your spouse is avoiding.
I have not totally stuck to my plan, but I haven't gone off the rails either. I have a solid plan in place for the weekend. Plenty of stuff on my to do list, but it includes fun things (hanging new curtains!) and exercise as well. And to RELAX!
I wish I were doing better, but I'm doing okay. And maybe right now just doing okay is ... okay.
Take care!
Thursday, April 23, 2015
One of THOSE days
Ever have one of those days? You wake up on the wrong side of the bed and it goes downhill from there? Nothing major, just a non ending parade of annoyances. Like being nibbled to death by cats..... yeah, I had that day.
I woke up from an anxiety dream. I checked my bank account and my (soon to be former) husband took money out of the account. (We have separate accounts). I think it was an accident, but I'd like my money back and you know he won't answer my calls!
Pinched the crap out of my thumb on the lawn mower. Mowed the grass instead of going to water aerobics since it's supposed to rain this weekend. Really, just bloody shoot me, or knock me out until tomorrow..... Grrr......
I woke up from an anxiety dream. I checked my bank account and my (soon to be former) husband took money out of the account. (We have separate accounts). I think it was an accident, but I'd like my money back and you know he won't answer my calls!
Pinched the crap out of my thumb on the lawn mower. Mowed the grass instead of going to water aerobics since it's supposed to rain this weekend. Really, just bloody shoot me, or knock me out until tomorrow..... Grrr......
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
A good day
Today was a long day at work, but it was a good day. It's the last night of the class at my friend's church and I am headed out in just a couple of minutes.
Anyway, just wanted to let you know I'm okay!
Anyway, just wanted to let you know I'm okay!
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Hello
Hey there!
I came home yesterday and went to Cross Fit. Class was tough but fun. We partnered up and took turns doing a round of exercise (5 pullups, assisted for me, 10 push ups, and 15 squats) - then you rested while your partner worked. We did that for 30 minutes. We completed 16 rounds. I'm pretty sore today!
Rather than spending time online, I opted to watch a movie last night ("Big Eyes" - it was very good!). But eating was fine.
Today I opted for a rest day and went to the Y to use the hot tub and sauna. Very nice. :-)
Food this week is lasagna soup, sweet potato, taco salad, and strawberries. Dinner varies.
I am grateful that I have the luxury of an upgraded Y membership so I can use the one downtown as well with the hot tub and sauna (my regular Y doesn't have that!).
I am also grateful for how beautiful spring is in NC. We have one of the highest pollen counts in the country right now, but gosh the azaleas and dogwoods are gorgeous!
I came home yesterday and went to Cross Fit. Class was tough but fun. We partnered up and took turns doing a round of exercise (5 pullups, assisted for me, 10 push ups, and 15 squats) - then you rested while your partner worked. We did that for 30 minutes. We completed 16 rounds. I'm pretty sore today!
Rather than spending time online, I opted to watch a movie last night ("Big Eyes" - it was very good!). But eating was fine.
Today I opted for a rest day and went to the Y to use the hot tub and sauna. Very nice. :-)
Food this week is lasagna soup, sweet potato, taco salad, and strawberries. Dinner varies.
I am grateful that I have the luxury of an upgraded Y membership so I can use the one downtown as well with the hot tub and sauna (my regular Y doesn't have that!).
I am also grateful for how beautiful spring is in NC. We have one of the highest pollen counts in the country right now, but gosh the azaleas and dogwoods are gorgeous!
Sunday, April 19, 2015
Happy birthday to me!
Good morning.
Sorry for the absence, it's been a hectic week and I've felt like poop. Yesterday I sat and cried, which helped. First birthday since 2000 without my husband. There are going to be a lot of these "firsts" this year.
I got up at 7, made breakfast, and started doing food prep. Hey, it may be my birthday, but I've still gotta eat this week! :-)
Today I am rearranging the furniture in the bedroom. Painting is done, today is furniture, next weekend is new curtains & art (the finishing touches). I was hoping to get it finished by my birthday but hey, it's not a huge deal. I'll get it done.
Yeah, it's been an emotional week and I haven't done really great. I had a serious talk with myself this morning. My gift to myself is to commit to 1 week of doing the very best I can for myself. Taking my supplements, flossing, watching what I eat. You know, the things you should do every day. And I do a lot of them no problem, but others I let slide. That regime will include starting the day with a mug of hot lemon water and ending the day with 2 tablespoons of Bragg's apple cider vinegar. I'm hoping one week of intense focus will help me get back on track I was on.
Take care & enjoy your day!
Sorry for the absence, it's been a hectic week and I've felt like poop. Yesterday I sat and cried, which helped. First birthday since 2000 without my husband. There are going to be a lot of these "firsts" this year.
I got up at 7, made breakfast, and started doing food prep. Hey, it may be my birthday, but I've still gotta eat this week! :-)
Today I am rearranging the furniture in the bedroom. Painting is done, today is furniture, next weekend is new curtains & art (the finishing touches). I was hoping to get it finished by my birthday but hey, it's not a huge deal. I'll get it done.
Yeah, it's been an emotional week and I haven't done really great. I had a serious talk with myself this morning. My gift to myself is to commit to 1 week of doing the very best I can for myself. Taking my supplements, flossing, watching what I eat. You know, the things you should do every day. And I do a lot of them no problem, but others I let slide. That regime will include starting the day with a mug of hot lemon water and ending the day with 2 tablespoons of Bragg's apple cider vinegar. I'm hoping one week of intense focus will help me get back on track I was on.
Take care & enjoy your day!
Monday, April 13, 2015
Busy
Yesterday was a pretty busy day. I got my "have to do" list done, and one thing done on my "want to do" list (got the car washed). I was super busy all day and definitely did not feel rested come the evening! I sat down and started to over snack without even noticing! Luckily I realized what was happening and stopped.
I was at work for 10 hours today - I have a counseling appointment tomorrow morning so I wanted to work extra today. I stayed busy all day, but not overwhelmed busy. So that was good.
Pictures of today's food (this is what I am packing this week):
Breakfast: a ground turkey patty made with greek seasonings, feta and spinach. Served with cucumber, tomatoes, and homemade tsaziki.
AM snack - piece of a small sweet potato. Plain.
My pictures of lunch and afternoon snack didn't come through. :-(
Lunch was the cheeseburger salad - seasoned ground meat over greens and brussel sprouts with some shredded cheese and chopped pickle.
Afternoon snack was grapes and 12 almonds.
Dinner was chicken casserole and more brussel sprouts.
Boring, but that's what I'm eating this week (dinner will vary).
Going to water aerobics tonight. Have a good evening!
I was at work for 10 hours today - I have a counseling appointment tomorrow morning so I wanted to work extra today. I stayed busy all day, but not overwhelmed busy. So that was good.
Pictures of today's food (this is what I am packing this week):
Breakfast: a ground turkey patty made with greek seasonings, feta and spinach. Served with cucumber, tomatoes, and homemade tsaziki.
AM snack - piece of a small sweet potato. Plain.
My pictures of lunch and afternoon snack didn't come through. :-(
Lunch was the cheeseburger salad - seasoned ground meat over greens and brussel sprouts with some shredded cheese and chopped pickle.
Afternoon snack was grapes and 12 almonds.
Dinner was chicken casserole and more brussel sprouts.
Boring, but that's what I'm eating this week (dinner will vary).
Going to water aerobics tonight. Have a good evening!
Sunday, April 12, 2015
pooped
Still a bit on the crabby side today, but I was kept very busy with chores, so no time to sulk or overeat! *lol*
Hope you had a terrific weekend!
Big hugs! :-)
Hope you had a terrific weekend!
Big hugs! :-)
Saturday, April 11, 2015
The Graduate
First the good news: I graduated! :-) I think I mentioned that at my Cross Fit gym, before you can attend regular classes you have to complete 6 weeks of individual assessment and coaching with the owner. That is to ensure that you are doing things correctly, with the proper weight. Today was my final Olympic lift: the snatch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfLV0MnRVZM (It's harder than it looks!)
After class he pronounced me ready to attend classes! :-)
Next, the mediocre news: weight stayed the same this week. :-\ No gain, but no loss.
Finally, the bad news; I totally overate last night. I KNEW I could text someone in the support group for support, or go online to the group and reach out. But I didn't. You know why? Because I WANTED to overeat. Le sigh.
Right now I am very frustrated with my estranged "husband." For one he said he would take care of the dogs while my mom and I go down to to Georgia, and now he's saying he isn't sure. Yeah, thanks Mr. Dependable. It's not like visiting my 95 year old great aunt is .. oh .. important or anything. God forbid you should miss some beauty rest, jack ass.
And then there's vacation. As you may or may not know (depending oh how long you've been reading), we belong to a medieval recreation group. Every year we go to a huge event up in western Pennsylvania. It's a lot of fun, but it's also an opportunity to see people we may only see every couple of years. A lot of our friends come over from Australia/New Zealand and only come every 2-3 years. We also have friends from all over the country and that's the only time we see them.
So I definitely want to go. Haven't worked out my tent situation. Haven't worked out how I am getting there or back. Sure it is going to be uncomfortable since we will be in the same camp. Le sigh. It's stuff like this that makes this whole thing suck.
Anyway, I'm in a pissy mood. I'm feeling anxiety over both trips.
Today I am going to finish painting my room.
Take care & I'll work on it too.
After class he pronounced me ready to attend classes! :-)
Next, the mediocre news: weight stayed the same this week. :-\ No gain, but no loss.
Finally, the bad news; I totally overate last night. I KNEW I could text someone in the support group for support, or go online to the group and reach out. But I didn't. You know why? Because I WANTED to overeat. Le sigh.
Right now I am very frustrated with my estranged "husband." For one he said he would take care of the dogs while my mom and I go down to to Georgia, and now he's saying he isn't sure. Yeah, thanks Mr. Dependable. It's not like visiting my 95 year old great aunt is .. oh .. important or anything. God forbid you should miss some beauty rest, jack ass.
And then there's vacation. As you may or may not know (depending oh how long you've been reading), we belong to a medieval recreation group. Every year we go to a huge event up in western Pennsylvania. It's a lot of fun, but it's also an opportunity to see people we may only see every couple of years. A lot of our friends come over from Australia/New Zealand and only come every 2-3 years. We also have friends from all over the country and that's the only time we see them.
So I definitely want to go. Haven't worked out my tent situation. Haven't worked out how I am getting there or back. Sure it is going to be uncomfortable since we will be in the same camp. Le sigh. It's stuff like this that makes this whole thing suck.
Anyway, I'm in a pissy mood. I'm feeling anxiety over both trips.
Today I am going to finish painting my room.
Take care & I'll work on it too.
Thursday, April 09, 2015
No water aerobics
We are have severe thunderstorms, so no water aerobics for me. :-(
Today was fine. Meals for next week planned, grocery list made. This weekend I am going to finish painting my bedroom. Also, I have my final orientation session at the Cross Fit gym - more Olympic lifting - yay!
My grandpuppy is getting very cranky at her enforced, post surgery, confinement. She snapped at one of the other dogs tonight. Not good.
Okay, turning off computer. Good night! :-)
Today was fine. Meals for next week planned, grocery list made. This weekend I am going to finish painting my bedroom. Also, I have my final orientation session at the Cross Fit gym - more Olympic lifting - yay!
My grandpuppy is getting very cranky at her enforced, post surgery, confinement. She snapped at one of the other dogs tonight. Not good.
Okay, turning off computer. Good night! :-)
Wednesday, April 08, 2015
Food, a recipe idea, and more of "the plan"
So, food this week:
Breakfast: chicken & zucchini with homemade curry sauce. (Welcome to my weird)
AM snack: 1/2 sweet potato
Lunch: chicken, tomato, cucumber, and roasted green beans with salad dressing
PM snack: banana & 12 almonds
I found a great idea of a lunch salad over at emilybites.com - a cheeseburger salad. I love to take a flavor I love (like a cheeseburger) and turn it into a healthy meal. Yum! That's lunches for next week!
I talked to my girlfriend in Berkley. Once my contract ends, the plan is to visit my friend in Phoenix - we are looking at hitting Sedona, Grand Canyon, and as many of the national parks in Utah as we can squeeze in. Then I will fly on to Berkley. L asked me if I wanted to go to Yosemite. DUH - YES! She's never been and neither has her boyfriend. It's only 3 hours from Berkley.
This October/November is really shaping up to be a dream trip. I am SO excited. I'm nervous - so many things are changing/ happening in my life. And like most 3 year olds, I don't like change! :-) But whoa, this little idea of mine is turning into the trip of a lifetime!
I think I mentioned that I was joining Sean's 10 week weight loss support group. I am so excited. I really need the extra support. There just isn't anyone in my "real" life that gets my weight struggle. So often I'm fine all day, but when I get home I'm tired - and that's when it goes to pieces. I'm tired and just don't have the energy (or whatever) to stay the course and I cave. My weight has been stalled. I'm thankful I haven't gained with everything that has been going on, but success in this area will go a long way to helping me in ALL areas.
Okay, tonight it the 7th (of 12) of the classes at my friend's church on reading the Bible critically (or analytically if you prefer). It's been interesting - glad I signed up.
Okay, going to read a few minutes before I head to class.
Take care!
Breakfast: chicken & zucchini with homemade curry sauce. (Welcome to my weird)
AM snack: 1/2 sweet potato
Lunch: chicken, tomato, cucumber, and roasted green beans with salad dressing
PM snack: banana & 12 almonds
I found a great idea of a lunch salad over at emilybites.com - a cheeseburger salad. I love to take a flavor I love (like a cheeseburger) and turn it into a healthy meal. Yum! That's lunches for next week!
I talked to my girlfriend in Berkley. Once my contract ends, the plan is to visit my friend in Phoenix - we are looking at hitting Sedona, Grand Canyon, and as many of the national parks in Utah as we can squeeze in. Then I will fly on to Berkley. L asked me if I wanted to go to Yosemite. DUH - YES! She's never been and neither has her boyfriend. It's only 3 hours from Berkley.
This October/November is really shaping up to be a dream trip. I am SO excited. I'm nervous - so many things are changing/ happening in my life. And like most 3 year olds, I don't like change! :-) But whoa, this little idea of mine is turning into the trip of a lifetime!
I think I mentioned that I was joining Sean's 10 week weight loss support group. I am so excited. I really need the extra support. There just isn't anyone in my "real" life that gets my weight struggle. So often I'm fine all day, but when I get home I'm tired - and that's when it goes to pieces. I'm tired and just don't have the energy (or whatever) to stay the course and I cave. My weight has been stalled. I'm thankful I haven't gained with everything that has been going on, but success in this area will go a long way to helping me in ALL areas.
Okay, tonight it the 7th (of 12) of the classes at my friend's church on reading the Bible critically (or analytically if you prefer). It's been interesting - glad I signed up.
Okay, going to read a few minutes before I head to class.
Take care!
Monday, April 06, 2015
Getting my whine on
I had a good day at work - busy, but got a lot accomplished.
So why did I get cranky when I got home? Ridiculous! Having a burger for dinner, then going to pack my breakfast & lunch for tomorrow, then off to water aerobics - which I am looking forward to!
it's so annoying when you have a feeling for apparently no logical reason! Okay, I'm done being grumpy! I'm going to go pack my food right now so I can feel accomplished again!
Have a good evening!
So why did I get cranky when I got home? Ridiculous! Having a burger for dinner, then going to pack my breakfast & lunch for tomorrow, then off to water aerobics - which I am looking forward to!
it's so annoying when you have a feeling for apparently no logical reason! Okay, I'm done being grumpy! I'm going to go pack my food right now so I can feel accomplished again!
Have a good evening!
Sunday, April 05, 2015
The beginnings of a plan
I told you one thing the counselor asked me was to make a bucket list - including (relatively) short term.
I have a friend in Phoenix and friends in Berkley. I really haven't traveled much out west. Today I called my friend in Phoenix and asked about going out there when my contract is up and maybe doing some hiking in the national parks. We are working on a plan and I am so excited!
My plan is to take some time off work between contracts and connect with some friends and see some of the country I haven't seen before. I'll have the money and the time.
For so many years things felt so much like I was giving and my husband was taking. When I needed him to be there for me - he wasn't. Now I'm trying to figure out what I like and what I want to do - something I haven't considered for a long, long time.
It's weird and scary and exciting.
Take care!
I have a friend in Phoenix and friends in Berkley. I really haven't traveled much out west. Today I called my friend in Phoenix and asked about going out there when my contract is up and maybe doing some hiking in the national parks. We are working on a plan and I am so excited!
My plan is to take some time off work between contracts and connect with some friends and see some of the country I haven't seen before. I'll have the money and the time.
For so many years things felt so much like I was giving and my husband was taking. When I needed him to be there for me - he wasn't. Now I'm trying to figure out what I like and what I want to do - something I haven't considered for a long, long time.
It's weird and scary and exciting.
Take care!
Saturday, April 04, 2015
A good day
This morning at the Cross Fit gym we worked on Olympic lifts. Halfway through the session the coach says "You have really found your niche." That is true - I LOVE strength training.
The gym I've found is not your stereotypical Cross fit gym. 4 days a week they do typical cross fits workouts, and 2 days a week are specifically devoted to Olympic lifting. This just feels like a good place for me. I hope I like the actual classes as much as I've enjoyed the learning sessions!
After that breakfast then off to the class at my friend's church. Then lunch, nap and now chores. It's gorgeous here today. The windows are open and the air smells so good.
Belews puppy thankfully is kinda dopey from the pain meds. Poop thing is confined to the length of a leash and has to be walked outside. :-( It's gonna be a long recovery - for everyone!
Tomorrow is church class again & doing my mom's taxes. Yeah, you wish you were me! *lol* And of course some outdoor time in the park!
Enjoy your weekend!!
The gym I've found is not your stereotypical Cross fit gym. 4 days a week they do typical cross fits workouts, and 2 days a week are specifically devoted to Olympic lifting. This just feels like a good place for me. I hope I like the actual classes as much as I've enjoyed the learning sessions!
After that breakfast then off to the class at my friend's church. Then lunch, nap and now chores. It's gorgeous here today. The windows are open and the air smells so good.
Belews puppy thankfully is kinda dopey from the pain meds. Poop thing is confined to the length of a leash and has to be walked outside. :-( It's gonna be a long recovery - for everyone!
Tomorrow is church class again & doing my mom's taxes. Yeah, you wish you were me! *lol* And of course some outdoor time in the park!
Enjoy your weekend!!
Friday, April 03, 2015
Home
Grandpuppy is home.
Last night I overate. I was tired, lonely, & sad. It would be nice if I had an accountability partner that I could reach out to in times like that. I have friends, but no one that really "gets it" when it comes to my food issues.
I'm working on it.
Last night I overate. I was tired, lonely, & sad. It would be nice if I had an accountability partner that I could reach out to in times like that. I have friends, but no one that really "gets it" when it comes to my food issues.
I'm working on it.
Thursday, April 02, 2015
Okie dokie
Today was my long day at work (10 hours) to make up time for going in late due to my counseling appointment. Came home, ate, and sat down. Running a little low on the energy.
Grandpuppy came through surgery fine - she is staying overnight for observation and will be home tomorrow.
Food has been fine. Exercise hasn't happened. I saw this today and laughed and laughed, so I leave you with this:
Grandpuppy came through surgery fine - she is staying overnight for observation and will be home tomorrow.
Food has been fine. Exercise hasn't happened. I saw this today and laughed and laughed, so I leave you with this:
Wednesday, April 01, 2015
Spring is springing
Well, it's really pretty around here. The bradford pears are starting to bloom - they are always the first of the season, but the dogwoods and azaleas aren't far behind. I remember when I was in the Army, a friend came home on leave with me. He was from Michigan and couldn't get over how green and gorgeous NC is in the spring time. It really is special.
My day was fine - busy at work. Came home and ran out to buy dog food, quick 20 minute nap, then dinner & a shower before my "church class".
One of the things I know I have to face is my 3-fold fear around losing weight: The fear that I'm not worthy of that level of self care and health, the fear of giving up my comfort foods, and the fear of attention from men when I do lose weight. Physically losing the weight is probably the easiest part - it's all this other stuff!
I plan to join Sean's next 10 week weight loss support group conference call - I'm hoping that will help me face some of these fears head on. Living life to its fullest should not be a cause for anxiety - it should be exciting and wonderful. Isn't it sad how common my fears are amongst folks desiring to lose weight?
I hope you have a wonderful evening - take care! :-)
My day was fine - busy at work. Came home and ran out to buy dog food, quick 20 minute nap, then dinner & a shower before my "church class".
One of the things I know I have to face is my 3-fold fear around losing weight: The fear that I'm not worthy of that level of self care and health, the fear of giving up my comfort foods, and the fear of attention from men when I do lose weight. Physically losing the weight is probably the easiest part - it's all this other stuff!
I plan to join Sean's next 10 week weight loss support group conference call - I'm hoping that will help me face some of these fears head on. Living life to its fullest should not be a cause for anxiety - it should be exciting and wonderful. Isn't it sad how common my fears are amongst folks desiring to lose weight?
I hope you have a wonderful evening - take care! :-)
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