"Black" Friday

No, I didn't go shopping.  The black was my mood yesterday.  I spent the day in my pjs, eating and reading a book.  It was bad - I was feeling really sorry for myself.

Today I got up, showered, and started on things I needed to get done.  I know this is part of the journey, but that doesn't make it suck less.

I have raised my child into a successful adult (for the most part!), I don't have a husband or anyone depending on me.  I need to find my focus and passion - I don't know what that is.  That's my mission for 2016.

Take care!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Last night I was feeling kinda sorry for myself - I guess it's just part of the ride of divorce!  Anyway, I got up this morning and went for a walk in the park. The weather was lovely and it was really nice.  My son was here for the day, but headed back a few minutes ago.

We had a nice meal, but no going overboard.  Since it ended up being just the 3 of us, we had a roaster chicken and sides, but not a huge, over the top meal.  I sent most of the leftovers home with my son.  That was great, but now it's back to normal.

I hope you enjoyed your holiday!

Tuesday recap, and holiday prepping

Yesterday was another good day.  Walked in the park twice, did my short kettlebell workout twice, ran a bunch of errands.  Food was really good:

Breakfast: half a chorizo sausage and 2 eggs with salsa
Snack: pear
Lunch: grilled chicken caeser salad with the dressing on the side
Snack: banana
Dinner: 1 salmon patty, black eyed peas, cucumber and tomato salad, pickled beets and okra
Snack: 4 ritz crackers and a slice of provolone cheese
Snack 2: a slice of melba thin rye with 1 T of hummus  (not planned, but I was hungry)

I have a bunch of desk work I have been avoiding that I really need to work on today!  Also make the cornbread for the dressing.  My son will be home this evening - yay! :-)

Have a great holiday!

Yesterday

Yesterday was overall a pretty good day.  I walked in the park, went to water aerobics, and ended up doing several chores even though I was pretty tired after that interview!  I made a really good homemade spaghetti sauce with ground chicken.  I also made zucchini noodles and used those along with a few real noodles.

Thanksgiving has totally changed.  My son's friend can't make it down.  Then MIL was planning to come over - she got a call Sunday that her brother is in the hospital and is not expected to make it.  Originally she & my ex were going to go to Maryland for Christmas to spend with her other son & family.  Now they are going up tomorrow and not Christmas (I guess she will be with us for Christmas, which is fine). 

So, okay.  Brian wants her to drive up to the mountains so they can leave from there.  She was so upset she didn't understand the address, so I had him send it to me.  I asked my mom "Why am I having my husband send me his girlfriend's address so I can put it into his mother's GPS for her?"  I swear, the high road sucks ass.  So I had a glass of wine.  But no beer and no overeating, so that's an improvement.

MIL doesn't like the girlfriend and thinks her 6 year old is a spoiled brat.  Knowing this woman, I'm sure she is.  I do care about my MIL and I'm happy to have her around.  I just sometimes feel like I still have the worst of my marriage (been trying to get my husband to send me info about next year's health insurance plan has been impossible.), but none of the few benefits.  Grrr.  It's not forever.

Monday

So, I had a job interview this morning.  I think it went okay - I should here next week about whether I made the second round of interviews.  Fingers crossed.

Getting ready to go to the park for a walk.  I have a list of stuff to do but after a 2 hour interview, I am exhausted!

Home again

An uneventful drive back home.  Nice to be back.  I cannot believe it is the week of Thanksgiving!  When did that happen??

I am reaching out to some friends - working on building my accountability team.  Seriously.  I mean, I am so fortunate - my weight doesn't impair my ability to do much of anything - my health numbers are good.  But I don't like th eway I look and I know this isn't good for me.

Ok, nice to be home!

In Georgia

We drove down to Georgia to visit my great aunt.  She is slowing down .. a lot.  And her memory is definitely not as good.  I worry because there isn't really anyone here that helps her with her business or anything.  Mom pays a lady to come in once a week to give her a good bath, make sure she has stuff she needs, etc.  But her kids & grandkids rarely check on her.  It's shameful and makes me angry.  All we can do is come down periodically, take her out, and have Mona come in once a week. :-(

The weather has been overcast but no rain and not cold, so that's good.  We've done the usual: cemetery, thrift and antique shops (limited), take her out to eat.  It's been a good visit, but it makes me sad.

I don't think I am ready to date.  I'm glad I tried it - I'm not afraid of it any more, but I don't think I'm ready for it. And that's ok.

And then finally: I have so stop the bs and seriously do something about my weight.  Baby steps aren't getting it done.  I texted the lady that I was training with last winter.  She isn't taking clients right now while she undergoes treatment for breast cancer.  Geesh.  I hate that.

I need to set up some accountability for myself.

Mid week

I slept really well last night, which was nice.  I got up, went for a walk in the park with the dog, swung my kettlebell, then grabbed a shower.  I had 2 coupons to K0hls I could stack, so I got a really nice bra for work for $14.

Made myself a nice lunch.  Since I am skipping water aerobics tonight to help a friend put together some Ikea furniture, my plan to is repeat this morning's workout again this afternoon.

There are things I am struggling with right now - like, am I really ready to date?  I don't know.  Sadness (first holidays since split - ugh).  Just - stuff.  But I'm doing okay with my food and I'm looking forward to visiting Alma this weekend.

I've been busy making soup (I made a really good vegetable yesterday), and eating my vegetables. :-)

Okay, have a good day!

Upcoming

Friday we are leaving for Georgia to go visit my great aunt.  We are coming back Sunday, then Monday I have a job interview (wish me luck!).  I tried on my interview outfit today - it still looks fine despite having gained some weight since last time I wore it.

I skipped water aerobics yesterday and I paid for it last night in the form of insomnia. Ugh!  Note to self:  exercise improves sleep.  Go to the gym!

Food is still on track!

A nice day

The weather here was really nice today.  Mom, her friend (the one who's husband recently died) and I went to Replacements Ltd (http://replacements.com/), an antique mall, and lunch.  We had a really lovely day.  Once we got home, mom and I went for a walk in the park.  I need to go swing my kettlebell.  Food has been excellent and I am feeling better!

Take care!

Sunday

So it's been a pretty good weekend.  Would you believe I have been on 3 dates this week????

Yeah, it's true.  Met a guy Thursday night for dinner - very nice guy, zero chemistry.  We said thanks and haven't communicated.  Lunch yesterday was really fun!  We took a walk after - we were both in the Army and had a lot we could talk about.  He is going out of town on business and we are planning to see each other when we get back.

Date 3 was lunch today.  He was nice, we talked sports - very easy going, no chemistry.  Ugh, this is hard!  But pleased with yesterday's lunch - we'll see what happens.

It's hard putting myself out there, but I was beginning to get such a complex, I figured the plunge would be good - and it has been!  It's also tough because I am currently at my highest weight ever.  I've struggled, mightily.

Food and emotional eating have been better this week and I was down 2.4 pounds.  Keeping on, keeping on.

More sun

Another sunny, warm (70s) day.  Another day with a few list of tasks, but nothing too bad.

The scale is down a couple of the about 4 pounds I gained on the trip.  I'm near my highest weight, which would be more miserable except I am working on changing it.  No kettlebells yesterday - I was tired and a bit stiff, so I decided to skip that.  I did walk in the park and went to water aerobics.

Today the plan includes water aerobics, walk in the park, and kettlebells.  There is no beer in the house, and there are a couple of (relatively) healthy, low cal snacks for evening.  I tend to eat a light dinner before class (which is at 7) and then I want a little bit of something when I get home.

After some consideration, I decided to sign up for an online dating service. I haven't dated in over 15 years and I've never used an online service.  I was building up a lot of fear of dating, so I decided to sign up and get my toes wet.  I don't feel ready for a serious relationship, but I felt now was the time to face that fear.  I will keep you posted.

Okay, have a good day!

Another gorgeous day!

Well 2 sunny days in a row.  Yay! 

I forgot to mention, but I wrote up a short and easy kettlebell session for myself.  I am doing it each day just to build back up a bit.  I will add to it, and once it is long enough I will switch to every other day.

So yesterday I walked in the park with my mom.  Nice and easy.  Today is more kettlebells and water aerobics.  I was feeling VERY snacky last night, but did well.

I have a list of things to do over the next couple of weeks.  Everything from washing the dog to organizing fall clothes.  Stuff that really needs to be done and I have time, which is nice!

Nothing profound to write, just getting back into a groove.  Take care!

It was a dark and rainy night

It rained cats and dogs all day yesterday.  Luckily there was no thunder which meant there was water aerobics!  My girlfriend couldn't make it (she is sick and the doctor told her to hold off a couple of days), but I went!  It was nice, once I got my butt out into the cold rainy night.

Food was fine yesterday. I hit Costco and bought a huge bag of organic mixed greens (kale, spinach, chard) for smoothies & salads, a bag of frozen fruit for smoothies, tomatoes, and a rotisserie chicken for dinner and the leftovers for lunch salads.

No water aerobics today, I can't decide if I want to go to the gym or just go walk in the park now that it's sunny!  I got a cute haircut and then went and picked up cucumbers and hummus to have for evening snacks this week.

In a move that is NOT at all surprising, my not yet ex has moved in with new girl.  More proof they are both crazy.  He's looking for a substitute, she's looking for a baby daddy.

I gained 4 pounds on the trip.  I'm not surprised, but it's right back to healthy eating and exercise.  And looking for a job.

I'm unpacked and my room is cleaned.  I've swept the house and I need to do some dishes.  Then respond to a few emails, clean my desk, balance my checkbook, etc. etc. 

Mood is middle ground.

There and back again

Well hello to anyone who might read this! My son and I are back from our trip across America.  It was terrific, I'm so glad we did it. 

I stopped writing because honestly, I didn't want to read it.  It's been hard.  Hard that your husband of 14+ years walks out the door and moves in with another woman without a backward glance.  Even if you know he's a jackass, it's still a blow to your esteem.  Add unemployment to the mix and you have a cocktail for a tough time. 

As they say, tough times don't last, but tough people do.  I am ok.  I can pay my bills without too much trouble, I have a place to live.  I have recruiters helping me look for something.  I will find a job.  Right now is a good time to take care of myself, and that is what I am focusing on.  I have signed back up for water aerobics and I have a friend going with me (my mm just isn't a pool person).

I have a membership to the Y and a house full of healthy foods.  I have a list of things I want to get done while I have some time.  I won't lie - this sucks.  But I can sit around a be depressed or I can use the time.  I choose the latter.

I will write more about my trip and what is goin gon in the coming days.  For now ... I'm back.