New year, same me

 Just wanted to touch base today. I'm doing a lot of thinking about what I hope to achieve next year - in all aspects of my life. Like many of us, this year took me for a wild ride. Some things have definitely improved, others definitely have not. In some areas I feel like I abdicated control and allowed stress & fears to take over. Overall, I want to work on getting better at managing emotions rather than allowing them to manage me!

More to come on that thought. In the interim, stay safe & healthy my friends!

Another Christmas in the books

 Thank you for the kind comments. I invited Jan over to have supper with us this Saturday. I'm not making a huge spread, but I did end up buying a turkey on sale so I'm going to do that, spinach souffle, and mashed cauliflower. She can hang out for a couple of hours and watch a Christmas movie and visit. So that will be nice. Work is a bit slow this week so I am trying to catch up - at work and at home. I feel like this week is a lull in the action - I'm not doing horribly but I'm more focused on walking the dogs & cleaning the house than lifting weights. All that changes nest week.

My son's covid test was negative so we were able to see each other at Christmas!!!! Yes, I know just how fortunate that makes me and my family.

Much love to you all and here's to a brighter 2021!

Just sad

 Well, my son's gf got her results back. Her test was negative. Now she took it just a couple of days after exposure, but so far so good.

My ex MIL isn't doing well. She fell on her porch Tuesday night and fainted. Thankfully a policeman was patrolling through the neighborhood and saw her, otherwise she probably would have frozen to death. Neither of her sons care that she is not competent to care for herself. I try to help her some, but I can't take on my ex MIL, you know? I just feel horrible.

I am sad and stressed. 

What a day

 Good news - I'm down 3 pounds this week. So that's awesome! Bad news - a friend and neighbor of my son's have covid so the boy is going for a test. Sigh. this momma is worried.

Take care & be safe!

Anxious

 

I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling more anxiety than usual! LOL Deprived of my 3 main destressors, (the gym, my SCA hobby, seeing friends and family) I have turned to food (and occasionally wine). The combination of increased calories and decreased exercise has of course led to weight gain. This week I've worked to identify (and try) some new methods of dealing with stress.

What's worked (so far):

• I love the calm app! They have a 7 day intro to meditation and I've done 5 days in a row. This is an awesome quick hit.
• Limiting my list. I make myself a daily "to do" list. It's typically stupid long and I end up exhausted or giving up. Either way I feel bad about it. I've decided to limit my list to no more than 5 items. If I get those done and still feel good, I can add 1 at a time.

What might work:

• Lunch yoga doesn't work very well. First thing after a cup of coffee and a small bite to eat seems to work best. Not sure how I feel about Adrienne (I'm doing her 30 day "True" series on amazon prime), but I really need both the stretch and the peace.

What doesn't seem to help:

• My Verilux lamp. Oh well. 

Things I haven't tried:

• Paper journaling
• EFT (emotional focus therapy. aka "tapping")

This morning I woke up and realized no one had put out the recycling. So I frantically ran out into the cold rain to get that done. I was grouchy because T had said he would do it. I was hungry and needed to feed the dogs. I couldn't remember when I had washed my hair so I really wanted a shower. I had an early meeting (8:30). By the time the dogs were fed I had time for yoga or shower. I opted for shower & hair washing. As I said, lunch yoga didn't work great - I think my yoga or kettlebells have to be in the morning before work. I did put on real clothes (with a bra!) and make up. My hair was sort of fixed. That's a HUGE step for me. 

I don't have any answers, but I keep on trying.

Where I am

 Today I went to Goodwill and picked up a pair of jeans and a couple of cute tops. I'm tired of only having yoga/ pajama pants that fit. I'm tired of having a drastically limited selection of shirts to choose from. I'm tired of feeling like my too small clothes are judging me. I'm tired of judging myself for gaining back some of the weight. 

I bought a pair of jeans that fit. I bought a cute holiday fleece top for running around. I am getting out my holiday earrings. I am okay where I am right now. I am going to take care of myself. Today I did 2 laps (1.5 miles), I did yoga, I did day 3 on the calm app. I have made myself healthy food. I did some errands but not too much, and I took a nap when I needed one. 

Take care.

Thank you

 Thank you for your comments! I live in NC, but really cases are crazy everywhere right now aren't they? So I quit the gym - I still haven't bothered to go over to Planet Fitness, but that's on my list for today or tomorrow as well. So yeah, from 3 gym memberships down to none. Thankfully I have a well put together home gym and dogs to walk. I've gained roughly 25 pounds since this started. I don't feel good about that. I do feel good about the fact that every time I donate blood, my covid antibodies test comes back negative. So I just need to keep on doing the things in my control to keep from getting this terrible disease. It's still no guarantee, but it's the best I can do.

In the meantime I'm looking for coping strategies other than food or wine. Sigh. 

If you have an American Express, you can get a year of the Calm App (premium) for free and your next year half off. Offer good through 12/31. There are loads of yoga shows for free on amazon prime. Start a blog! Or a paper journal. I have a verilux sun lamp, although I'm not sure I really need it (it was a gift). My husband is a restaurant manager - he has to be out in public. He's incredibly stressed right now. It's tough. I'm trying to do what I can to not only take care of my own mental and physical health, but to be supportive of him as well.

That's all I got today. Take care of yourselves out there.

Conflicted

 Gyms are open here (for now), although with the new caveat that you must wear a mask while exercising. At first I was excited about getting back into a routine - y'all know how much I love the gym. I was careful and I felt pretty good about it. Now cases are spiking like crazy here and I haven't been in 2.5 weeks. I just don't feel good about it. Maybe I should just cancel for now and try again once things are better under control?

Thoughts?

Need to.....

 Right now my life feels like it's full of "need to"s. I need to walk the dogs, feed myself and my family better, exercise, put up the Christmas tree. What I really "need to" is stop making myself feel badly about all the things I'm not doing/ not doing well and accept where I am right this minute. And maybe take the dog for a walk.

Strategies

 Good morning.

First, I'd like to share an article a friend shared with me: Toxic Positivity To sum it up: It's ok to say you aren't ok! 

I talked through some strategies yesterday: yoga, meditation (Did you know American Express is offering a free year of the calm app to it's cardmembers?), EFT Therapy (a way to destress yourself), blocking a short self care break (or 2!) into the day, journaling, you get the idea. I am going to explore and try some/ all of these and see what clicks for me. 

Yesterday was better - just talking through strategies helped me realize that I am not unique in struggling right now and that there are things I can do to help myself.

Hang in there. :-)

All the stuff

 Thank you for the comment Paula! Yes - covid, the lockdown, the political climate, it's all so stressful & sad and totally uncharted territory. We're all going through stuff - but are being impacted in different ways.

Both my husband and I are making less money now that we were at the beginning of the year. So dealing with work anxiety, financial anxiety, being on top of each other at home. I set up a nicer home office out of the living room so he could watch tv without bothering me, but because his desk is in here as well he feels like he doesn't have a personal space. It's frustrating. 

I've gained 2.5 pounds both of the past 2 weeks. I didn't go to the gym at all last week. I did do a bit better yesterday. That's despite the fact I hit my driver side mirror on the fence backing out of the driveway and broke it. It's going to be $125 dollars I don't really have to take care of that.. Sigh.

Trying to get through the day without getting into the food to deal with it.

Take care.