Keeping it real

 Weight today - 203. So about 5 pound gain in a week over the holidays. Back at it.

Brief check-in

 I am back from the beach. it was a lovely holiday, but I ate all the things and now I'm so ready to get back on track!!

I am off work this week and I am using the time to get the guest room ready for my mom's post surgical stay (she's have knee replacement surgery). I have packed up 6 rubber maid totes of clothes (too small) - I will check back with them in 90 days. 

Originally I was going to come home Sunday but the weather was so lovely (sunny and 78!) that I chose an extra day at the beach. No regrets, but this week is going to be busy and some projects will not get checked off my list. Oh well.

Hope you are enjoying your holiday season.

Sorta nutso

 The last few days at work before the mass exodus, lsat minute holiday stuff, preparing to leave town. I'm here, things have just been nuts.

I hope you have a safe & happy holiday season!

TGIF

 So glad its the weekend! This week has felt LONG!

Wrapping the last of the gifts, doing a few things around the house. doing a fun Christmas-y activity, and my husband is getting confirmed in the Episcopal church. So that's nice. :-)

Have a good weekend!

The path of least resistance

How do I set my life up so that healthy choices are easier than bad ones? That's what is on my mind today. 

I'm tired of pushing the rock uphill, so how do I remove the hill? Things like meal planning and prepping. Today we are having leftover chicken enchilada casserole for dinner and a salad (easy). Lunch is leftovers (easy). Path of least resistance - eat what's already prepared. 

I also need to do most of my workouts in the morning By evening (at least this time of year), I'm tired and full of excuses. I am donating blood this afternoon, so in addition to walking the dog (which I typically do 3-4 times per day), I knocked out 15 minutes of step aerobics this morning. Yep, talk about old school! But I have a video I love that is broken out in segments so I can both build up and mix it up. 

Also I'm super angry that and idiot/incompetent/corrupt judge and DA dismissed a very strong case against a woman brought up on charges of dog fighting and animal cruelty for the third time!!! I'm sick, angry, and would love to form a team of Charles Bronsons. Just saying. Go nextdoor app - maybe we can do something about this.

Take care.

Still tired

 This week.... ugh. Work is frustrating, I'm tired, and I'm just working for the weekend so I can have some quiet time with my husband. 

Long weekend

The weekend felt very long - not in a good way. 14 hours in a 30 hour span spent in a car is a lot. But we went to Georgia and saw Alma - she is pitiful.  Her body won't quit, but she really just lays in bed. It's so sad for such a vital woman to be like that. But we went.

Hoping for a quiet weekend this weekend.

And it's Friday!

 Work has kind of blown up this week and it's been so tiring. I do 2 or 3 things off my list and the rest get pushed to the next day... every day. I am finally catching up a bit today. I have 2 tasks I don't want to do so I am rewarding myself by making earl grey short bread when I'm done with them! Lol

But I went to the gym yesterday and I'm meeting my trainer today. Tomorrow mom and I are driving 7 hours (one way) to go see my great aunt. Every time we go we wonder if its the last, you know? But mom wanted to be sure & get down before her knee replacement in February, so now seemed the right time.

I can relax when I'm dead, right??? Ha ha

Have a good weekend. ps Still no decorations up!

Weekend

 Well, we had a weekend. LOL. I cooked at church and we had more than we have been serving and more than I prepped for. That always makes for a tiring day. And a lot of folks showed up after we were supposed to close which is frustrating. At the same time I have a hard time turning anyone away. The folks that show up need a meal. 

I have lights on the shrubs and lights on the tree and that's it!! I hope to have 'A' decoration up before Christmas. It's tough with T getting home so late, it getting dark so early, and our weekends being so hectic.

I indulged in a bit of emotional eating Friday night (ugh), but I will say that those instances seem to be on the decline. And I went to the gym Friday and today. So go me.

Baby steps.

Noom so far

 I've been using the Noom app for a week or so. I do like it. I touch base with my coach 1/week and I am in a private group with a coach and a cohort of folks that joined Noom about the same time I did. The couple of recipes we've done so far have been good and it is encouraging my husband to eat more vegetables (a big win). So all in all, I think it is going to help us both - especially him. He's lost weight using Medifast but I'm not sure he's ever actually had a healthy lifestyle. And having him on board is going to make it easier for me. 

My cold seems to be clearing up and I am planning to head to the gym tomorrow. I have my live tree in the stand - that's as far as I've gotten with Christmas. I'm hoping to get some stuff done this weekend.

Tomorrow for breakfast I am making "Morning glory baked oatmeal" - I'll let you know how it is. I've made baked oatmeal twice now and so far we like it!

Pepper - helping me make the guest bed! Lol

Not too much

 I've kept away from the gym due to my cold, but I have been getting out and walking Pepper around 3 times per day. Eating is getting better and my husband actually selected and prepped soem recipes to take to work!!!

Baby steps, right?

Back

Hey there. I'm back but caught a cold somewhere along the way, so definitely not 100%. Thanksgiving was nice, the trip to see family was nice. I met a gf for lunch & some shopping Saturday. I had a couple of gifts for T, but nothing really special. Well, I found the special gift at a consignment shop while we were out. So that was cool! It's a tiki statue. He's really gotten into the 1950s tiki vibe, so this will look really nice down in the retro lounge.

We also got to see my son's new boat!

Weight is up a couple of pounds post holiday, but not too worried. I tried baked oatmeal for the first time this morning. I like it better than regular oats. Oatmeal is healthy, quick, and inexpensive - so it hits a lot of notes for me. I'll probably make it again tomorrow along with a couple of boiled eggs.

We actually didn't go to the beach! Lol. Oh well, I'll be back next month!

Take care. This is a stressful time of year. Let's remember to manage our expectations and not make ourselves nuts trying to make it all perfect, okay? That's for me too - cause I cried yesterday morning. For no reason except expecting too much from myself.

Hugs!  

Meh

While we had a nice weekend, there was also a lot of sadness and anxiety that went along for the ride. We really enjoyed the van Gogh thing - it was a cool way to make art more accessible. 

In any case, kind of a weird week, you know? My mom's birthday is Sunday and we are heading to the beach to celebrate. No one is making a big meal - T and I are eating out with his folks and mom & the gang are doing seafood. But since she loves my grandmother's cornbread dressing so much I think we are going to have that & a rotisserie chicken for her birthday dinner.

Have a good day!

Off to the races

Day 1 of Noom seemed pretty reasonable. Their food tracker is okay - I like Sparkpeople better but I need the total package. My coach reached out to me, so that's cool. Today I weighed 198.3, down a pound from the last time I logged it 2 weeks ago.

This weekend we are going to Asheville. A friend's mom (whom I also considered a friend) passed away and her memorial service is Saturday. We are meeting some other friends for supper after (I'm sure Roger will be busy with family). I booked a hotel, got a pet sitter, and our plan is to go to Biltmore on Sunday. Besides touring the house, they have that immersive van Gogh exhibit, so we are doing that as well. I prefer Biltmore in the spring (the gardens are lovely), but Tim loves it at Christmas. Since we are already there, I figured we would make a couple's get away out of it. 

Workouts have been questionable this week, but I'm okay with that (for now) - I have had a lot of random crap to deal with so I chose to manage food instead.

Have a good weekend!

Taking the plunge and trying something new (sort of)!

 I've been having a hard time with consistency lately. It definitely feels like the missing ingredient. I feel like some additional accountability & perspective would be helpful. I was hoping to get that from the trainer but I just didn't. So I decided to sign up for Noom. 

I've had a couple of friends use it and like it. It seems pretty convenient but supportive, so I signed up yesterday and today is my first day tracking. There are a lot of other components to it as well - I've read articles and set goals. I'll be working 1:1 with a coach. Even better is that my husband signed up as well!

I'm feeling positive and cautiously optimistic. 

Kind of sad

 It was just a sad day Saturday. Found out Friday that my son's best friend got some not great health news (he was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer back in February). I just felt so sad for him, for his family, and for my son. F's best high school friend was killed in a really tragic car accident a couple of years ago, and now his best friend is battling cancer. It sucks.

I slept crappy Friday and Saturday. Yesterday was a bit better, but I haven't been to the gym since Thursday. I did do yoga this morning and I slept well last night. Food wasn't great but it wasn't terrible. I have my food planned for the week. Unfortunately we are out of town this next weekend which means eating out a bunch of meals. Gah.

Take care.

Day off

 I was so darn tired & cranky last night. I didn't sleep great but I decided to take a day off from the gym. And hopefully catch a short nap today.

Hope you have a good weekend!

Windfall

 

Last night I was feeling whipped - we went out for dinner (grilled chicken & sautéed veggies). My stepson got a promotion at work but now will need to either get his car up and running (a 1998 jeep Cherokee that has been sitting for months with no plates or insurance) or we can give him my husband's car. We were planning to buy another new (to us) car for him in the next few months, but not this quickly. So we're feeling a bit rushed into making a decision. We'll see what happens.

I swam for 45 minutes this morning, ate a piece of catfish for breakfast (not a big breakfast food person), and ran a few errands. One of them was going buy T's old place of work - his old boss had a check for him. It was a bonus checked for $3000! With the car thing hanging over our heads, plus Christmas, that will be a HUGE help.

So there's my good thing for the day!

Take care.

Here's a picture I found on the internet and loved.

The beat goes on

 Nothing terribly exciting in the past 24 hours. I made Korean tacos for dinner last night - yummy and fairly healthy. I worked out with my trainer this morning. She was only 5 minutes late (she is NOT a morning person). It was a good workout. I got my hair cut. It's a gorgeous day so I took the very slightly (like, 1 minute) longer way home to enjoy a drive in the country and admire the fall leaves. I also got to drive past the folks that have a van in their driveway painted like the Mystery Machine - it never fails to make me smile.

So today I am appreciating the small things!

How about you?

Everything hurts & I'm dying

LOL. Ok, just kidding (kinda).  I woke up at 2 AM and took motrin and put sports cream on my back - that kettlebell class last night kicked my butt! This morning I swam for 45 minutes. I do not swim quickly, but I don't take breaks either. So that was good.

To answer Vickie's question: yes, many places do offer curbside, but not all. And Saturday was a case of needing/wanting to look at things - like try on new sneakers, check out Christmas decorations etc. Luckily it isn't something we have to do very often! Saturday was our trip to the "big city" 30 minutes away - usual stuff like groceries in my poduck little town aren't a big deal.

Starting to get into a pretty decent routine, it's just frustrating that after working so hard I'm back to being the fat/ unfit girl in class. Le sigh.

We had a weekend?

 

The weekend seemed like it flew by!

Saturday I went to the gym and then we had lunch & ran errands. Oh god. We went to Costco and Target, among others. It's like every person in American has turned into that bratty toddler at pre school that likes to bite. I don't want to set foot in another store until February!! 

I slept poorly Friday and Saturday nights - ugh. That meant I was really grumpy yesterday, which I hate. We did some grocery shopping, ate lunch, then went to see "Dune" in the theater and met friends for dinner. My husband really wanted to see it in the theater and it had been out long enough that it was not crowded at all. It was a good one to see in the theater, so that was nice.

Now it's back to the grind!

Ramping Up

Here is my workout goal:

3 times per week for each of the following: HIIT, weights, swimming, and yoga. No, I didn't achieve that this week but I have made very good inroads! And if I only miss 1 or 2 items then I'm still doing great! Some things (like the kettlebell class at the Y and my workouts with the trainer) encompass HIIT and weights, so I double dip, but it also means some days I do 2 workouts - either at different times or back to back. So tomorrow morning I am going to swim and then go to yoga at the Y.  That feels very doable for me. And the workouts may get longer/ harder as I go along. But that seems like a good balance to get me everything my body needs.

Weight loss this week wasn't awesome - a half pound. But I was back from vacation and sick, so I recognize that I'm still settling into better habits and I fully intend to pick up steam as we go! I'm feeling confident and strong. Getting ready to head to that double dip kettlebell class at the Y. :-)

Have a great weekend!

Reset

Seeing a mouse run across the floor in my office was the final straw. I told my husband we were having beer & wings for dinner!! Yes, it did make me feel better.

But today I am back at it and went to the gym at lunch and swam for 30 minutes.

One of those days

I am having one of "those" days. It started with oversleeping, and hasn't improved. Nothing serious (well, except maybe the elections), but just a series of really pissy annoyances. 

My plan is to methodically begin to organize my house. I'm feeling frustrated and that's at least something I can control.

In other news, my workout with the trainer was decent and my food is getting under control.

Take care.

Lunch

 I wish I'd remembered to take a picture of my lunch. I cooked 1.5 oz of protein pasta (150 cal), measured 4 oz ground turkey (230 cal) and then added 1/2 zucchini, 1/2 container of sliced mushrooms, and some marinara sauce. It's amazing how big your lunch is when it's mostly vegetables!

Not 100% from the bug, but I did manage a short (and easier) HIIT workout. Yoga later.

Take care!

Back and ready

Had a lovely vacation and now I'm ready to hit it hard! This is where we went:

Georgia Aquarium - in Atlanta.

Helen - the charm of Bavaria in the Blue Ridge mountains.

Our plan was to come back home and do a few things around the house for a 4 day staycation. Instead we had a gastrointestinal bug & did nothing. Oh well. At least the vacation part was good - and I didn't gain any weight since I didn't eat for 2 days afterward! Lol

It was good to go, it's good to be back.  Now I'm ready to tackle this weight with a crazy level of focus!!

Yesterday's food

Yesterday was a good day. I had a good workout with my trainer - we are starting to get into a groove. Food was pretty good.

Breakfast: steel cut oats with berries

Snack: medifast bar

Lunch: chicken breast, sweet potato, spinach

Snack: medifast biscuit, then 2 string cheeses and a diet soda later in the afternoon.

Dinner: adult beanie weenies (vegetarian baked beans with uncured turkey dogs). 1 Reece's pb cup for dessert.

If you'll recall, T wanted to do medifast - yeah, that didn't really work out. So now we have a bunch of the food left. Everything is pretty much 100 calories and balanced macros, so it doesn't matter if its the brownie, biscuit, soup, bar, etc. it's all pretty much the same nutritionally. So I'm trying to use some of it up when I want a snack. I am also sending some with him for work snacks.

So maybe not perfect, but a significant improvement! I did really well on my water too. I went to Goodwill and picked up a couple pair of pants (comfy black slacks and a pair of pink jeans) and a couple of tops for our vacation. I also grabbed some winter PJ pants and a fleece top for around the house.

Take care!

Covid vaccines

 This is about a friend's sister.

https://www.wfmynews2.com/article/news/health/coronavirus/unvaccinated-parents-5-kids-die-regret-not-getting-vaccine-last-words/65-9e2da979-c911-446b-8d39-c655795e33ac

Random

Here is a picture of my lunch from yesterday - baked chicken breast, baked sweet potato rounds, and sautéed spinach. 

That's lunches this week. Breakfast is steel cut oats and dinners are cleaning out the freezer.

I don't know about you, but 30 minutes of swimming and I'm hungrier than Godzilla in Tokyo, but an hour of hard lifting and all I want is a bite of protein bar and to sit quietly for a few minutes.

Halloween movies I've watched so far this year:

The "Fear Street" trilogy on Netflix. This was the big surprise and I enjoyed all of them! 10/10 pumpkins

"Elvira, Mistress of the Dark" (watched with mom who doesn't like scary movies.) 10/10 pumpkins because... Elvira!

"Transylvania 6-5000" (watched with Jeanmaire who doesn't like scary movies.) 10/10 pumpkins. This movie has it all - lots of monsters, a top notch cast (Jeff Goldblum!), excellent writing. An awesome non-scary Halloween movie.

"Halloween Kills".  Jamie Lee Curtis' character spent most of the movie in a hospital bed, probably to be as far away from this movie as possible. She should consider a return to yogurt commercials because they have better scripts and actors. 1/10 pumpkins.

"Nightmare Before Christmas." 10/10 pumpkins.

I'm clearly slacking on the movie watching, I need to pick up the pace!

Catching Up

Good morning.  We got back from our trip to discover one of the circuits in our breaker box was bad. Thankfully the electrician came out & swapped it out - not to expensive but stressful! Also thankful that the half of my house that lost electricity did NOT include my fridge!

Yesterday I went swimming - today is going to be a quick trip to the elliptical and maybe a yoga video at home. We are going to out of town for a few days starting Saturday. Mixed feelings about that. I'm looking forward to the trip but at the same time I'm afraid it's going to throw me off. Sigh.

It was good to go but it's nice to be home. I need some down time - I hope this trip provides that.

Take care.

Better Place

 Two things have changed that suddenly have my head in a much better place!

1) I finally figured out a time that I can meet with my trainer! Evenings are out since she is working a new full time job. She suggested 9 AM, but I'm supposed to start work at 9, so that was a no go. We finally landed on Wednesdays at 8 - it's a bit early for her but I'm only 10 minutes "late" signing in, and I log on earlier to check email etc, so its not an issue. So yay!

I found a new to me show that available on Pluto on demand called "Fit to Fat to Fit". I found it randomly changing channels at lunch yesterday and it has really inspired me and reminded me that I can do this!

Take care.

Getting my head in the game

Step 1 is complete. Food is purchased & prepped so I have breakfasts & lunches for the week.

Breakfast is overnight oats with chopped fruit. Lunch is (sort of) these bowls: chicken tzatziki bowls. I've made the quinoa & chicken and then my plan is to chop the other veggies, add feta & olives and either this vinaigrette or my Amy's goddess dressing. I can serve them either hot or cold, depending on my mood.

I am struggling to get to the gym. I wrote out a simple (but not easy!) home workout, but of course I didn't do it yesterday. Le sigh. Oh well. I'm getting my pieces together and my anxiety seems to be lower today.

Take care.

Making time

Saturday we got away from the house for a bit. We'd hoped to head to the mountains but the weather there didn't cooperate. Instead we went out to lunch, went to the local science center, and I went to Kohl's to buy a pair of jeans that fit. 

Yesterday we cooked at church. I also planned out my meals for the week as well as exercise. Trying to make me a priority.

Real talk y'all

 This has been the week of too many spinning plates. From church obligations, T's colonoscopy today, marriage counseling, work, etc. it's been overwhelming. Add to that dealing with the feelings from our friends' home invasion and I have had a couple of times when my anxiety was through the roof. I've made it to the gym exactly one time, ordered Door Dash, and am skipping a college get together at the end of the month because of how I feel about my weight. I am full of self loathing this week.

I've got to throttle back and do some serious self care. Like, literally doing the things to take care of myself.

Halloween movies

 Like Christmas, I carefully curate my Halloween movie watching. Thinking about the "Fear Street" trilogy, the "Underworld" series, maybe "Little Shop of Horrors" and for sure "Trick 'r treat."

Better

Let me add a disclaimer to my last post: the friends live nowhere near us and overall our neighborhood is pretty darn safe. But still, feelings aren't always rational! I'm discussing with my counselor tomorrow.

Schedules this week are kind of crazy - lots of unusual stuff happening and it's adding up to a wacky gym schedule. Sunday and Monday I did nothing, yesterday I walked for 15 minutes on the elliptical, and today will probably be something similar. I've been trying since Sunday to arrange a time to meet with my trainer, with no success. We set up a time which I need to rearrange (T has a colonoscopy Friday) but she isn't responding. 

Yesterday I had a church meeting, today I get my covid booster (yay!), tomorrow I have an appointment with TSA to get the pre flight certification (if I'm flying for work this makes sense to me). Add a marriage counseling appointment tomorrow evening alongside of T's prep for Friday, Friday appointment, and then a get together of ladies coordinated by Elle of my beloved former gym later Friday evening. Well, you get the idea.

Add that work is becoming busier and more demanding (a good thing!), but it all adds up to a week that feels like it's full of spinning plates. Food yesterday was on point with the exception of scanty vegetables (I planned to have a salad for lunch, instead I ate a chicken thigh and never prepped anything else!).

I have the time to do more, but I lack the spoons to make it happen. Some days you settle for the minimum. That feels like the theme of this week. Trying to be okay with that.

Take care.

Not the greatest evening

T is going back to band - which means practice Monday nights. Not a huge deal, but it's a change. Add to that we found out Saturday that some friends had been subjected to a pretty scary home invasion (Mike will need reconstructive surgery for a broken eye socket and nose) and being home alone last night - and going to bed by myself - was pretty nerve wracking.

I binge ate. Normally T would get home between 9:30 and 10, but practice ran over and it was nearly 10:30 when he got home. I stayed up till 10, but after that I was too tired and went to bed. 

I also skipped the gym b/c I didn't want to leave & come back after dark. So double ugh.

I did go to the gym this morning and I'm doing better today. Gotta find a better way to deal with anxiety!!

Mixed bag

 So the weekend was a mixed bag diet-wise. I am doing better, but a couple of situations where i planned poorly or got over tired and made poor choices meant the scale stayed the same. Oh well, kind of a victory.

I scheduled with my trainer but am having to change - T hadn't let me know he has his colonoscopy Friday! Uh, since i need to drive you kinda important to be on my radar! Lol. How is it that men run the world again???? ha ha

Anyway, one big change is that I am making sessions at the gym a priority!

Take care.

There it is

 I got on the scale this morning. I'm not happy, but I know where I am. 200.2

Undecided

Hello. Quick check in before I need to get back to work.

Let's see. Tuesday T got home late so we ate late which is why I missed yoga. I used the hot tub & sauna at the Y Tuesday morning and have been using the hot tub at home. I met with the trainer last night for a mostly upper body workout. I'm still sore, but not too bad. Tonight is yoga.

Things I'm not sure about: I like my trainer okay but she just started a new job and I'm just not sure our schedules are going to line up. So I may end up switching. Last night she asked me if I'd be willing to meet at 7 and I balked. I go to bed at 9:30 so no, I don't want to be doing weight lifting & HIIT until 8 PM. And I like seeing my husband.

Another thing I'm unsure about: I'm still on the fence about the scale. The trainer did weigh & measure me last night but I didn't look. I know my loosest size 18 jeans don't fit, so I know I'm big. I am gradually getting my habits under control. My counselor is suggesting I focus on the behaviors (eating, exercise, sleep, etc.) rather than the outcomes (my weight). If I don't use the scale, how do I track/ measure progress? So I don't know. TBD

That's all I got besides my allergies are kicking my butt. Take care.

Still sore

 I am meeting with my trainer again tonight. Still sore from Monday's class. Missed yoga last night. Don't care.

Ugh.

OMG

 

The class last night was deceptively simple - 13 rounds of the following: 8 burpees, 26 squats, 21 kettlebell swings. After 3 or 4 rounds, I cut them in half (at the instructor's suggestion). I was able to finish but boy am I sore today!!!

Finding myself

Something weird is happening over here. For the first time in 18 or so months, I felt more like myself today. I don't know how to explain it better than that. Maybe it's the weather, or catching up on my sleep, or dialing back my melatonin. I don't know. I just know I felt more myself today.

Weekend was good. Not super productive, but I took naps, had lunch with my in-laws, went to the Y for yoga Saturday morning, watched some football. It was good.

I'm doing a kettlebell class at the gym tonight. We are eating leftovers I pulled out of the freezer and I have no regrets. Lol

Still no decision about whether or not to get on the scale Friday. TBD.

Have a good week!

Another nutty week

So far this week is pretty crazy.

Monday T thought he has a PT appointment and busted butt to get there, only to discover they were closed! (Turns out it's next Monday). I went to the Y for the TRX class - well, they have to have 4 people to hold it and they only had 3! One good thing is that while I was there I signed up for personal training. (I have my first session this evening. It's been years since I've worked with a trainer, but it's been helpful in the past. I'll report back!) ANYWAY. I thought "well, at least we can have a nice evening at home." Nope - turned out T decided to head to band practice (he used to play in a concert band 2 years ago but had to quit once he started working at the restaurant. So he went back to that. SO. I was home alone - I was a bit bummed about that but it was okay.

As an aside, he plays bass clarinet and said they have to wear masks while playing, which is hard!

Yesterday the outlet in the office was acting wonky, so I had an electrician out. He's back today to change out our old school fuse box for a breaker panel. Cha-ching. And the cleaning folks were here today (yay!). And the lawn people are coming this evening. Look at me, spending money like I have it! Lol. When I got the new job I knew it would be more demanding, and I knew that having cleaning and lawn folks would take a load off my plate. But the new panel (and the new outlets) are definitely an unexpected expense! Especially right after I paid for 10 weeks of personal training!!

Paula - I bought those noodle bowls at Aldi! They are my favorite grocery store. 

I talked to my counselor this morning about the scale. The trainer (Olivia) is going to weigh me & take my measurements. I asked her NOT to tell me what I weigh. I will likely ask her to take the same readings at the 5 and 10 week marks.  My counselor (we'll call her Laura) asked why I planned to get on the scale next Friday. I've been using it as a measure of failure and it's got my head messed up. This week I've made good progress in getting to a better place mentally, my sleep has improved, and my eating habits are getting better as well. With the trainer's help I am confident I will start to make some good gains in the gym as well.  So maybe I should just focus on those things for now? 

I'm so used to weighing. If I'm not weighing its usually because I'm doing badly. I dunno. I'll think about it. 

I feel like things are improving in my little corner of the world, although the rest of the big world is still kinda crazy town.

Take care.

So far

 

Yesterday was uber busy and I never posted. Overall things are going pretty well. I signed up for 10 weeks of personal training at the Y to give me some accountability and help ensure my butt gets out the door!

I've bought a couple of these and similar - heat and eat quinoa and that sort of thing.  I pan sauteed some chicken tenders and added those plus a bag of steamed stir fry vegetables. It made 2 meals, which halves the carbs and sodium. Not from scratch but still fairly healthy! It's also an easy way to get some variety.

Yesterday I made Indian in the crockpot. I have an Indian slow cooker book I bought years ago and I am finally getting around to making a few recipes out of it. They are really terrific! We both love Indian food but it can be a bit pricey. This won't stop us from dining out now & again, but it's a nice way to get that fix without dropping 50 or more dollars on dinner!

So not perfect but a whole lot better!

You know what? As excited as I was for T to get back to work, I sure do miss him with his getting home so late. I'm glad it's only for a few months.

Take care!

Tiring but good weekend

 

While in training, T has to go into the office - about 75 minutes one way. So he's out of the house roughly 12 hours/day, Monday through Friday. That meant this weekend we had a lot of chores, plus I was scheduled to cook at church for our community lunch (which sounds nicer than "soup kitchen"). So all in all it was a productive but exhausting weekend. I was a bit anxious last evening - I think its just all the change and adjustment and not really feeling rested. 

I'm feeling pretty decent this morning. I got up early and fed dogs, walked Pepper, started a load of laundry, and made a quick run for a few groceries before the workday started.

Tonight I signed up for a TRX class at the Y. I'll report back on that.

Take care!

Ending on a positive note.

Wednesday was a tough day, but yesterday was much better! I threw away 2 bags of chips and started drinking more water. I ate healthier meals and was able to get a good nights' sleep. It was a BIG step in the right direction. I'm feeling better already!

I hope you have a good weekend! 

Decision

 

First up: shout out to Paula for starting a challenge and getting that pesky scale to move down!!

I've had a rough/ exhausting week mentally and my food decisions have been crap and I've had major insomnia for about a week and a half. Have not been to the gym since before I left for the beach. So, decision time.

I am not going to step on the scale until October 1 - a little over 2 weeks away. Right now I want to get back to good habits & sleep and I don't want the scale to be creating any additional anxiety. To that end I want to focus on behaviors rather than outcomes. 

It's not a cop out, but honestly I just can't deal with the added stress of beating myself up over the scale. I am going to focus on what I can control, try to re-establish some good habits, and start weighing in a couple of weeks. 

Sigh. Take care of yourselves. This past year plus has been a roller coaster and still is.

Back

 

Back home. T started his new job yesterday. My son & his gf came into town yesterday (I knew they were coming, but thought it was later in the week). Our washer died & the new one was delivered today. Eating has been a disaster.

I am tired.

Away

Thanks for the kind words. I am currently at my mom's. With her carpal tunnel surgery & follow up etc. we've been down here helping out. So things have been a bit crazy/ stressful/ some things are out of my control. Not giving up, but doing what I can until I get back home Sunday. 

Sanity check September

 

T-shirt I'm seriously thinking about ordering:

I have to do something. After careful eating I watch my weight go up. Bathroom issues? Too many carbs? Mars in retrograde? I don't know, but I am f*&^ing tired of being this big.

Sanity check this month:

No booze (obviously)

No diet sodas

Maximize unprocessed foods

Minimize crap & eating out

Exercise - for my sanity & health.

Take care out there.

September Goals

 

Exercise 6 days per week (in addition to walking the dog).

Track my food.

If I don't see any solid movement on the scale then it's time to do something different.

You know it's serious - I've given up diet pepsi

 "Be stronger than your excuses"

Last night I was not stronger than my excuses, but today is another opportunity to make different, better choices.

Day 2

 

Yesterday was a good day, even though I never made it to the gym. I walked the dog 4 times and my food was under control. 

Lather, rinse, repeat.

It can't continue like this

 

I'm done. I'm done taking 2 steps forward and 2 steps back. Right now I am motivated. I may not stay that way, but I will remain determined. 

Yesterday was a good day until after dinner. Today is going to be a good day all day.

Back

 

Thursday morning I left for Syracuse and Friday night I came home. Yesterday we served 122 lunches at church through our community lunch program. My mom was here when I got home yesterday afternoon. She is having carpal tunnel surgery this morning.

I am tired y'all.

Stressful day

 

I am working in a new industry. There is a lot to learn and I really have to focus. Some days that is easier than others. And some days my husband makes it easier than others! Yesterday was a day that I was having a hard time and he (without intending to) was making it more difficult. I ended up very grouchy! It was a rough day. I ate a salami sandwich after dinner. I'm still doing better, but not good enough to really start moving the needle. 

I reminded myself that only 1 week, then we go to the beach for a week, then he (hopefully) will be back at work. I will be working at mom's, but it's easier there for me to lock myself in a room away from humans for the workday.

Looking forward to a change of scenery!

better

 

A day of reasonably careful eating, plenty of water, and some good exercise and the scale was down to 197.5 today. Just need to continue on....

Hoo boy

 

My friend came to town. It was a full/ busy/ somewhat tiring weekend, but we had fun! She also brought a homemade peanut butter and chocolate cheesecake. I saw a scary number on the scale this morning: 199.1. This has to stop.

Weekend

 

Yay! Looking forward to the weekend. A friend is coming down from Maryland (her birthday plans fell through and so I invited her down so she wouldn't spend the day alone). T and I are sorting through some of his business casual clothes. We're going to the pool and I will probably do a bit of sewing. So, not a lot but hopefully a relaxing weekend.

Take care.

Failing to plan = planning to fail

That old adage is certainly true for me! When I was having success, there were certain habits that were non-negotiable: exercise and meal planning. 

Working from home has meant that the kitchen is fully available any time I feel like doing any emotional eating! So I've decided to try & plan better.

Breakfasts are flexible, but I have 2 snack options: yogurt and fruit, and wasa cracker with hummus. Lunch is a recipe I copied years ago off a website. It's basically black beans, corn, a riced cauliflower, cilantro and then olive oil, lime juice, and some salt & pepper. I added a bell pepper that needed to be used, some avocado, and some leftover rotisserie chicken. It's super tasty and I can serve out a bowl, then add my avocado & chicken. So it's a sort of salad. lol

No real movement on the scale (yet) but I am sleeping better and my energy is better, so that's a start.

Take care.

Life's a beach

 Just got home from a long weekend at the beach. Lots of walks and I got to see my son for a bit! It's a super busy time of year for charter boats, so he's tired but seems to be doing okay.

Good question Vickie! I don't know! I do know there is a lot happening right now and the scale isn't budging (a source of frustration), and I'm really trying to cut out the stupid calories, and things are changing on my husband's job front (for the good, but still - change), and he's to the point where he's bored out of his mind but still very limited in what he can do.... the list goes on.

But I'll just keep showing up and hope things get easier/ scale begins to cooperate.

Take care.

Self fulfilling prophecy

 Last week or so, I noticed that after dinner when it's time to sit down and "relax" my anxiety would start ramping up. This is normally the time I would have a cocktail and start snacking - and of course those are habits I am trying to curb in order to lose weight. I think that change, and the absence of my evening habit is the root cause of the anxiety. I mean, that's fairly obvious! It's what to do about it I am struggling with. I've tried walking the dog, going to the hot tub, reading a book ... with varying degrees of success. This was a habit I managed to break for 2 YEARS, so I know I can do it again. Frustrating.....

Just keep swimming

 If I had posted yesterday, the title would have been "Two steps forward, two steps back." Since getting on the scale and seeing that horrifying number (197.4) I've been engaged in a battle of the wills with my subconscious. I genuinely want to lose weight for loads of reasons, but my subconscious is scared and wants the comfort of food. I get it, it's enjoyable (for a few minutes) and short term is easier to feel in your gut v. long term benefits. 

So I've been working to educate my subconscious and rather than arguing, I've been engaging in rational conversation. Yes, speaking calmly to your inner toddler (which is what my subconscious seems to be!) is a challenge, but I find myself persuading more frequently with soft words of comfort and logic rather than trying to beat her into submission. The scale has been bouncing like mad with little progress to show (so far), but my mental space is feeling better. Today's number: 197.6.

Take care - it's a jungle out there. Seriously, y'all be safe.

Epiphany

 Last Saturday, T said something and a lightbulb went off. He said "You are one of the few people I know that genuinely needs exercise." Honestly, I think we ALL need a certain amount, but I got his point - my mental health is SIGNIFICANTLY better when I am exercising. Except Sunday, I have been to the gym every day this week. All I have to do is go to Planet Fitness and do something (anything) for 15 minutes, no minimum effort beyond that. I've done 15-17 minutes on the elliptical, some days easy some days with more effort. I feel SO much better!

Who knew? Lol

Better

 In desperation, I slept in the guest room last night. I did sleep through the night, although I woke up at 5:30. I didn't sleep long, but at least I slept well. Yesterday I went to the gym and walked the dog 4 times. I am in my gym clothes and ready for the day. I have a meeting at church this evening, so my plan is to go to the gym & take a quick shower at lunch.

Last night I made this for dinner: Korean beef bowl along with Korean steamed spinach steamed matchstick carrots, kim chi, and some quick asian pickled cucumbers. I also subbed some cauli rice for regular in my bowl. So it was a veggie laden meal! 

Other things I did included: drinking my Amazing Grass green powder, brushing my teeth & washing my face, and not going crazy after dinner. I did make a bowl of homemade air popped popcorn. I added some butter, but I think that's still a much better option than the microwave kind. Baby steps.

Take care.

Challenging weekend

It was a tough weekend here at the casa. Someone didn't call the doctor about getting his pain meds refilled, which made for a miserable weekend all around. Sleep was terrible for the past 2 nights. I feel tired, grumpy, and fat.

Goals for the week:

Get to the gym every day. Even if its 15 minuted on the elliptical at Planet Fitness - its about creating the habit at this point. 

If I am awake in the middle of the night - no snacking!! I need to do something positive to support my sleep - not feed (literally) my anxiety. Take an anxiety pill, listen to a sleep story on the calm app, something like that.

I have gone to the gym today. I have walked the dog (twice). Eating has been ok. I have a healthy dinner planned.

Take care.

Good conversation

 Lots of good conversations have happened in my world this week. Here's a (somewhat) brief rundown:

My husband was diagnosed with bi polar 20+ years ago. At the time the medication options weren't that great - what he took ended up leaving him feel like a zombie so he didn't continue and has been hesitant to try anything since then. His doctor does have him on an anti depressant, but that can actually make his manic episodes worse. Add to that his manic episodes manifest as 1) anger 2) risky behavior, and you have a whole bunch of stuff that has factored into the marriage issues we've been experiencing for 15-16 months now. 

As a condition of our continuing to work on things, I told him he needed to go to individual counseling. He did and she is the one that pointed a lot of the above out and told him to get to a psychiatrist to see about getting his medications right. Getting to see a psychiatrist right now is TOUGH, but he does have an appointment for September. So today I am grateful that my husband has FINALLY seen the light (albeit under a bit of duress) and is seeking both counseling for his own issues as well as being open to pharmaceutical assistance that is much needed.

I spoke with my counselor today. We talked about T and my work situation. We discussed the fact that coming out of a toxic work environment isn't magically healed overnight, but I am finally beginning to feel a bit more normal about things. Work is going well and I am trying and learning and I am feeling hopeful that this will be a good place for me. That in turn leaves me in a place where I can work on creating the kind of life I want for myself.

I'm not 100% sure what that looks like. I do know that I want to spend more time outdoors. I want to go camping and hiking and kayaking. T is looking to possibly getting a 9-5 Monday - Friday job, which would give us time to do some of that stuff together. Whether that works out or not, I'm looking at what I can do in the near term. I've spent too many years treating my wants and needs like a can I keep kicking down the road.

I am also reading some great books. While they are about alcohol, the lessons can be applied to anything you over use/ abuse - food, shopping, internet, whatever. I just finished "Sober Curious" and I just started "This Naked Mind" - both written by women, both about empowering you to make healthy choices for yourself v. saying you are "powerless" over (insert addiction here). That paradigm makes a lot more sense to me.

One powerful thought "addiction is the opposite of being present". Wow. How long have I spent trying to NOT be present in my own life? What would it look like if I lived with intention, where my actions and choices aligned with my values and desires?

Accountability

 I took a vacation from the scale and gained 19 pounds. Even if I watch it go up, I am going back to daily weigh ins. I need the accountability.

I've gotten up early the past 2 mornings and gone out and sat in the hot tub by myself. It may not be as great for my physical health as yoga or kettlebells, but I'm hoping it will help my mental health.

I need to figure out how to create a life for myself that I don't need to use food to escape from.

Lunchtime meet up

 I met my former boss (B) for lunch today. 

I can't remember/find how much of this I posted, so I am including a quick synopsis for background. 

October 2019: My beloved boss that hired me in May 2017 (R), took me to lunch and told me he was resigning. Changes were happening and he didn't like the writing on the wall. He couldn't in good conscience continue to stay in a management position when he disagreed with the corporate direction.

Three members of the team posted for his job and B got it. R left December 31, 2019. I was conflicted and that's when I began casually looking around at jobs. But I liked B, thought she would do a good job, and wanted to support her. I stayed, the pandemic happened, and that accelerated the rapid decline into dumpster fire-dom that was my last company/job.

At some point B was moved into a job where she had no experience and was given no support. I was the only member of the team that stayed on her new team. Enter our 4th CEO in 2 years. He began ousting the existing executive team and bringing in buddies he'd worked with before. At the beginning of April the IT department got a new CIO (chief information officer). Seven or eight weeks ago B told me that CIO was bringing in a buddy to take her job and she was being moved somewhere else. I took vacation, got my current job, and my first meeting with my "new" boss at the old company was also my last as I sent in my resignation letter 30 minutes later. 

As for finding a new role for B? Well, that ultimately turned out to be BS - the Friday I was up in Syracuse she let me know that her position had been "eliminated". Well, never mind it was given to someone else (with a slightly different title) and the job she had actually been doing was not eliminated - they just wanted to get rid of her the way they had so many VPs & up from the "old regime".  She had been with the company over 16 years and was both blindsided and devastated.

Today we met for lunch - 10 or 11 days after the fact. She's still pretty upset but given the tremendous stress she had been under - a new job where she had no clue and no support - I think she is beginning to feel better about things. She is looking, although she's not 100% sure what she wants to do at this point.

In any case, it was good to see her.

Mr husband had an appointment with a counselor today. I think that went well and will be helpful. He is considering switching careers (again). I'm all for what makes him happy.

Weight is a hot mess. Eating is better - most of the time. 

Baby steps.

So far so good

 No exercise other than dog walking (for now), but food is under MUCH better control.

Thank goodness for the dog

 One thing that is helping (a lot) right now is the dog. It's hot and I'm tired and my back hurts, but Pepper wants to walk! We're only doing maybe 3 a day, and I'm trying to stay away from the hottest part of the day. 

Alcohol is voted back off the island (too many empty calories and it brings too many crappy snack friends along with it). I'm not measuring, counting, or anything - I'm just focused on eating reasonable food in reasonable amounts at reasonable times. 

It's a start.

Start where you are

 I have gained 19.1 pounds in 2 months. I (finally) faced the scale today. I weigh 197.4. Work is great, my trip was good, and now it's time to get back to reality.

Ugh.

Confidence

 I am very excited to go up to Syracuse and meet my new team. Having said that, I'm very self conscious about my weight. :-(

I went to Goodwill and bought 20 items of clothing - mostly for the trip. I have a couple of dresses ($5) each, as well as nice tops, slacks, and some jeans ($4 each). I plan to take a bit of a variety of items, but I know that folks do wear jeans in the office, so I feel okay taking a bit of a variety. 

Unfortunately I will not be able to use the YMCA while I am there - due to covid they aren't allowing reciprocity from other Ys outside the area. There is a small fitness center in the hotel at least, and of course I can do stretch of yoga videos on youtube.

I wish I could sound more positive - I have a great new job that I am excited about and I've been learning tons and the company is AMAZING. And I'm so glad I left the dumpster fire that was my last company. And I'm looking forward to T having his second surgery so we can put all of his knee troubles behind us.

I want to live my best life and I'm limiting myself. Why?

Sorry for ghosting....

 Good morning.

We made a quick run up to western PA to check on the camping gear our group has stored up there. It's been sitting untouched for 2 years now in our storage trailer. Everything was in surprisingly good shape! Since we won't be using it until next year, I'm glad we went up.

Sunday I am leaving for a week up in Syracuse for work. Then on the 21st T is having surgery. So all in all things around here are pretty crazy.

Food has been rubbish and exercise has been non existent except for walking the dog (thank goodness for the dog!). I'm pretty unhappy with all of that. I keep telling myself that once we get past the 2 weeks out from his surgery life will get a bit easier. We have joined the Y - both for the pool and the group classes. Food is getting better. 

I'm tired of feeling like I have nothing to wear. :-(

Day 3

 I didn't realize that my old company was like working with a bunch of adrenaline junkies on meth until I started at a company where the people and the work seem so ..... sane. How sad is that?

A lot of orientation and at the end of the day I am exhausted! My former title was software project manager, my new title is senior IT project manager. They seem so organized - after coming from chaos I have to keep reminding myself that I can do this! 

How bad was it? My #1 top priority project - a new product launch I was working on? Practically no IT resources available to work on it and no project manager assigned. So yeah.

Just trying to keep my head above water right now, but I know it will get easier.

First day

 Exiting my job job was crazy and sad. They pretty much ghosted me - once I sent in my resignation letter I never got any response from HR asking about things like PTO payout etc, and of course no exit interview. Oh well.

I start in my new in a couple of hours. More to follow!

A change

 I put my 2 week notice in Monday. I feel so much less stressed.

At the beach

Taking a vacation this week to enjoy some family time at the beach.

Take care!

Slow & steady - it may win the race but it's frustrating!

 Another half pound loss this week. Not surprised - not gonna lie, there was some major stress eating last weekend!

I'm doing between an 8:16 and 5:21 intermittent fasting schedule (except the days i fell face first into a pizza) and I am enjoying it. I'm not a big fan of breakfast food anyway, although we did have breakfast for dinner one evening. So mostly I'll have an afternoon snack (yesterday was a bacon & tomato sandwich), a healthy dinner, and maybe dessert or an evening snack. 

It feels easy and I'm not that hungry. Once I get to the point I am finding hunger really distracting, then I'll eat! I still try to make reasonable choices, but I'm not counting calories or weighing anything - which feels very freeing.

Not much going on here for the holiday weekend. A friend from Maryland is down visiting her daughter and is staying with us, so Tim gets another human to talk to! And another friend is coming over after work to grill burgers & watch "Labyrinth" - so yay!

Enjoy your weekend!!

Same old Same old

 This week has been pretty bananas at work so I haven't had a lot of head space for posting. Tim's knee is doing really well (we're going to the gym this afternoon). I've struggled some this week, but the scale is (slowly) moving in the right direction, and I have continued to exercise. So - small victories.

Another work week in the books

 It's not quite the end of the workday, but lunchtime Friday is good progress!!

It's been a frustrating week. We found we need to replace a bunch of our AC ductwork (cha-ching!) and I'm getting a new boss at work. Frustrated & burned out is where I'm at right now. So this weekend is especially welcome.

Take care.

Monday again

 Happy Monday (lol).

Hope you had a good weekend. Ours was ... okay. We were both kinda low energy & cranky. Not sure why, but there you are.

Saturday I opted for a 3 meals day (and an after dinner snack). My eating window was roughly 12 hours and I did NOT snack between meals. Yesterday I used a 6 hour eating window. I had planned to make it 5, but T wanted to go out for a late lunch and I didn't want to sit there & watch him eat. 

Other than that, walking the dog, doing my kettlebells, T goes back for his ortho follow up this afternoon. I'll keep you posted.

Take care!

A science experiment of one

 Good morning and happy Friday! It's been a nutso week. I am going to MAKE TIME for DOWN time this weekend! :-)

A lot of things (except work) have settled out a bit. Tim is doing much better and has graduated to a cane! He is going back to (sort of) doing Optavia (formerly Medifast). I did it the first time with him to see how it worked. He had done it in the past and had a lot of success with it.

Things I liked about it:

• Easy (except dinner)

Things I didn't like about it:

• Expensive
• Not a lot of selection
• Dinner is good, but there is a lot of weighing & measuring.
• I was assured the hunger would go away. IT NEVER DID.

By the end, I was adding a lot of meat & veg just so I wasn't constantly hangry. Not gonna lie, I was miserable. But I gave it a good try.

So color me shocked when I decided to give intermittent fasting a go! I mean, if I'm starving on Optavia then it's gonna be way worse with nothing at all, right??? Wrong!

Let me back up. I've been reading Katie's blog https://www.runsforcookies.com/ for ages. She has tried intermittent fasting in the past and I've always felt like it wasn't for me. I wake up hungry. I hate being hungry. But recently she mentioned in a post about reading (or re reading) a couple of books: "The Obesity Code" by Dr. Jason Fung and "Delay, Don't Deny" by Gin Stephens. I got curious because this isn't something I know much about since I've never really considered it. On a whim I checked them both out of the library. I read Dr. Fung's book first, and I'm glad I did. 

Jason Fung is a kidney specialist who has spent a lot of time trying to help his patients, most of whom have type 2 diabetes & are overweight. This book synthesizes his findings based on a ton of human studies. Even though this isn't an easy read, I'm glad I read it first. Gin's book is a layman's book. She does reference both studies and other books, but had I read it first I might not have been convinced to give this a whirl. 

After reading both books, I was convinced that regulating insulin v. calorie control is a legit (and maybe even healthier) method for losing weight.So this week I have been a study of 1. 

Monday I did basically an OMAD fast (one meal a day). I had dinner at 5:30 and a snack (popcorn) after. Tuesday I ate 3 meals, but like Dr. Fung suggested I did NOT snack throughout the day (I did have an evening snack shortly after dinner - a root beer float made with protein powder). Wednesday I did a "fast 5" (that's a book Gin references) where you have a 5 hour eating window. Mine was from 3-8 - I had a snack, dinner, and an evening snack. Thursday I repeated what I did Monday. The result? I lost 4.6 pounds this week. 

But how did I feel? Pretty good! Yes, I got hungry sometimes. I was the least hungry on the OMAD days, then on the fast 5 day, then on the 3 meals day! Like Dr. Fung said, the hunger came in waves but I kept busy & distracted myself. I drank water, black coffee, & tea throughout the day. I was less hungry eating this way than I was on Optavia.

I am doing OMAD today. Dr. Fung suggests doing OMAD 3 days per week, with 3 meals (no snacks) the other days. Gin (who reminds the reader a billion times that she is NOT a medical professional) says "Here are all these methods. Here's what works for me. You gotta figure out what works for you!" If I am cranky mid afternoon I will pivot and do a fast 5. Anyway, a couple of pictures from Dr. Fung's book.

Have a great weekend!

A lot of catching up to do!

 Good morning.

So, where to begin?

Yes, I bought a car. I purchased a 2007 Nissan Sentra back in 2009. I really loved that car but it was approaching 250K miles on it, and Tim's is approaching 300K. I had been looking around for a while, and decided to go ahead and pull the trigger before the trigger got pulled for me. I went (back) to Carmax, they offered me a decent price for my trade in, and I bought another Nissan Sentra. The reason they had to ship it from Virginia is because I was determined to drive a car with color! I didn't want black, white, or gray. And I wanted a sunroof.

I was able to move my Sunpass from my old car to this one, so mom and I drove it to Georgia to see my great aunt this past weekend. We hadn't been down since December of 2019. Y'all, she is pitiful. The only good thing I can say is that she is in no pain. The gal there said some days she makes sense, but Saturday wasn't one of those days. She pretty much just lays in bed. It was so sad to see her so frail. (The reason we wanted a Sunpass is because FL and NC toll passes work in GA as well and it makes getting through Atlanta easier). 

Tim's surgery went well and the PT guy says he is ahead of the curve. So yay! There has been a lot of this going on around here:

His follow up with the ortho is next Monday, hopefully at that point he will be cleared to do a bit more. He did graduate to a cane, it's supposed to arrive Thursday.

The first day he came home I might have had a meltdown because I felt overwhelmed & incompetent. My in-laws came over a couple of days and mom came up earlier than planned - having family to help out has been awesome. And a dear friend husband and pet sat so we could go to Georgia. 

I was able to finally finish the new valences for my living room - I think they are a lot more cheerful than the old ones.

(Note the styling sheets & towels tossed over furniture. Four dogs for a week is a lot of fur! LOL)

This year has been hard - I know I've said that a lot. There's stuff I haven't gotten into here, and prefer not to. The down side of marrying later in life is that it can be challenging to adapt to something new - you both bring a whole set of baggage. (A really big set, like for an around the world voyage in the 1930s!! lol) And when things are tough you don't have the history (or entropy) to keep you chugging along. There have been a couple of times this year that we very nearly called it quits. Even after months in counseling, we still came pretty close. I think we had a breakthrough a couple of weeks ago. I asked T to reflect on his past relationships and rate how he treats me relative to past wives/ girlfriends. He got pretty quiet and said "I've probably treated you the worst." I told him I thought I was worthy of his best. He agreed.

We are taking a marriage class (in addition to checking in with our counselor once a month or so). It has been super helpful! Obviously we took a break for the surgery but we are back at it, plugging away.

So I guess some good has come out of the bad. That's probably my theme for this past year - looking for the silver linings.

Take care. I've missed y'all.

The other side of surgery

 T's knee replacement went well, but I am pretty swamped just now.

Still hanging in there

 Sorry guys. Between surgery prep and buying a car and work being crazy I've been busy. Yes, I bought a car. Well, I'm buying a car. But it is being shipped here from Virginia so I haven't bought it yet. Pictures when I have it!

A bit better

 This week has sucked, but my food choices have improved somewhat.

That's all I got.

Spoke too soon

 Well, last night was an epic fail. I got to a point during the day (with work), that I just figuratively threw up my hands and threw in the towel.

Today is a new day to make good choices.

Groundhog dog

 Every day I say I want to do better, every day I succumb to the BLTs (bites, licks, tastes). Every day I nickel and dime myself into my weight staying the same. Exercise is pretty good, meals are pretty good, alcohol has been banished (not worth the calories!), but snacks are killing me. 

Weekend

 Every couple of months my husband actually gets a weekend off. Instead of the beach we opted to chill around home. The PRP injection seems to be helping some, but I am afraid we are probably looking at knee replacement in the not too distant future. :-(

I'm sad not to have gone to the beach, but glad T had a chance to be off his feet and catch up on some much needed rest.

Take care.

Disappointed

 I feel like I am still casting about. I weighed for the first time in 2 weeks - down 0.2 pounds. Lol As I've said before, I seem to be doing pretty well at maintenance. 

I was hoping to be in the 160s by my birthday (April 19), but at 176.8 pounds I'm not sure that's doable. having said that, I am going to really focus until then! 

We had talked about going to the beach the weekend, but decided not to. T has to be off his anti-inflammation meds for 5 days after his PRP injection, and let's just say that's been rough. So I think a fairly quiet weekend at home is in order.

Take care.

Tired

 This week has been nuts for both of us at work. If there is a theme, it's been "Everything is on fire." This morning I thought it was Friday. I'm ready to go hide in a tub.

Productive weekend

 Good morning.

My son and his gf (and my grandpuppies!) came this weekend. We knocked a ton of stuff of the to do list, which feels awesome! T and I may head to the beach, or we may take it easy. His work is beyond crazy these days.

Trying to get plenty of movement and keep an eye on my food. Sigh. Again.

Family time

It was really nice to have my mom here. We had a chance to visit and Pepper loves her - and her dogs as well! After she left, he spent the next day or two checking in the guest room. I don't know if he was looking for them or what, but he would go in there and nap! It was too cute.

My son and his girlfriend may come this weekend! I need help with some things around the house and once fishing starts up he is going to be super busy. So that will be nice!

Take care & have a good weekend!

Back

 Good morning.

Been back from vacation for a while, but things here have been hectic! T's job is CRAZY right now, which takes a certain toll on both of us. My job isn't as crazy, but it has its own stresses these days. Currently my mom is here - she has a doctor appointment (she kept her ortho and eye doctor up here rather than switching to new ones). So she's visiting a few days as well. 

We are working with Pepper (the "new" dog). The gal at the rescue has a trainer she works with and Jennifer (trainer) is working with us for free to help get over some potty (marking) issues. He's a sweet guy, but a bit of a project right now! (Just what I needed - not.)

I'm trying to focus on baby steps - right now the exercise bike and weights have fallen by the wayside, but I am walking multiple times a day (thanks Pepper!) and keeping an eye on my food. I realized I didn't record my weight for 4 weeks (I record my weight on Fridays and have for years - although with some gaps). I've been overwhelmed by a lot of things and I am trying hard to prioritize and break things down into manageable tasks/ goals. Self care is a priority - but pushing myself to get more fit isn't necessarily topping my list.

In some really good news, I got my second covid vaccine Friday and my husband got his last Wednesday. So that provides a measure of relief and excitement.

Take care.

Vacation

 Wow! Sorry to be gone so long. T is off for 10 days and I took a few days off as well. We went down to the beach to celebrate my son's birthday. Also his gf's, since hers is 13 days before his! Had a lovely visit and now we are in Helen GA. It's very quiet (off season), and we are just chilling.

T's former ortho basically didn't want to do knee replacement on someone his age (52) unless it got to the point he could no longer work. Believe me, it's not that WE weren't open to surgery, but it was clear that doctor wasn't willing, even though other options weren't working.

Last week we went to a new ortho, who was much more open to the idea. After discussing what has been tried so far, he offered one new suggestion: PRP injections. T has an appointment to try that in a couple of weeks. If that doesn't work, then surgery it is. I know he was very nervous about having surgery, but our quality of life has reached a point that we have to do something. But it's his knees, so HE needed to get to that place mentally.

Anyway, having a lovely time here in Helen. Back soon! 

Take care.

My husband's knees

 My husband is in constant pain from his knees. He's been to an orthopedist, had cortisone shots (first time they helped for a month, next time they helped for 3 days), been to an acupuncturist (helped for a day), been through physical therapy (they recommended he have his knees replaced), and of course tried various pills, gels, foam rolling, accupressure mat, etc. etc. 

Living with constant pain affects everything. It affects my husband's mood and his performance at work. It impacts what we do (and where we go) on vacation. It affects what he can do around the house and yard (very little). It affects our household budget - we've had to outsource the yard work to a service and we are getting an estimate on getting some help around the house.

And it affects my mood. It's hard working a full time job and being primarily responsible for everything around the house - from walking the dogs (he can't), to doing all the shopping (the concrete floors in stores are killer for him), and of course I do the bulk of the housework. It's hard not to be resentful sometimes even though I know that none of this is his fault and he certainly would prefer things NOT be this way!

He is getting a second opinion today. He current ortho basically said "Once you get to the point that you can't work then we'll look at doing knee replacement." Um, no. Not an acceptable answer.

Anyway, that's a big thing going on in my life - and it's something we've been living with for well over a year now. 

Take care.

Good gravy

 Hello!

I never intended to be away so long! Oh my gosh - I bet I have a lot to write if I sit down and think about it. know that I am going on vacation later this week and hopefully will have time to catch up. I have mastered maintenance - ha ha. If only I were near goal weight. :-) New dog is still settling in - it's a work in progress. I was spoiled - I forgot what a big transition that can be!

Still getting out and walking every day! Only 1 day I exercised indoors exclusively in nearly 6 weeks. I hope spring is on the way. It's at least light more!

Take care - back soon! 

Where has the week gone???

 Well, work is still crazy. I had anxiety dreams about work last night!! That's pretty unusual for me. Wednesday I used my lunch hour to do some housework, so I do at least feel better about that. It's been rainy and work has been super busy - I took 2 days off the bike - Wednesday I decided to clean instead and yesterday I donated blood. The dog only got 2 walks on those days as well. But I have kept up with my kettlebells - I'm not doing nearly the volume of work I was before, but I am (slowly) building back up. I was down 2.5 pounds this week. Don't you hate it when the scale bounces around like Tigger??? Lol

Tonight I am making a very "southern" meal - black eyed pea stew (it has greens & tomatoes and is yummy!) and salmon patties. I like beans in general and honestly I think they are a healthy part of our diet - a much better choice than more processed carbs! 

I have Monday off! And boy do I need it. :-)

Take care.

Not much new

 Work is crazy, the house is a mess, I need a vacation.

Here's a funny picture. It's funny because this is me.

Four weeks, and what the actual heck

 I learned a new word this week:

It's been 4 weeks today since I lost my pruppet. It still hurts very much. Having said that, Pepper is beginning to settle in.

I have watched my food this week and significantly ramped up my exercise, so naturally I regained the measly half pound I lost last week. I hate the scale.

Take care.

Finding a new routine

 So the dogs are settling in. There's a bit of jealousy (Susie) and a bit of regressive behavior (Pepper), but that will resolve in time. Susie wasn't the "only dog" for very long, so that will be fine. Everyone knows they are loved. :-)

In an effort to be sure he gets out and gets exercise, Pepper has been getting 3 walks of the half mile loop per day! Susie generally goes once and calls that good. She will likely want to go more/ longer when the weather warms back up. 

So I am walking 3 times per day (although not for long), riding the exercise bike 20-25 minutes, and I have added my beloved kettlebells back in 3 times per week. So go me! A little too much grazing between meals (the perils of working at home), but meals have been solid and evening snacking hasn't been an issue.

I don't want to jinx it, but maybe I've found my groove???

Take care.

Meet Pepper!

So a thing happened this weekend.

Pepper is a 5 year old chihuahua min pin mix. He's been at the foster agency since September of 2017. Prospective puppy parents were either put off my his energy & chihuahua aggression (he can be a brat) or they were much older folks looking for a little potato dog. Foster mom has had this guy out on 3 mile runs, so potato he is not!

We are all adjusting, but he & Susie seem to have really hit it off. Last night I sat on the sofa with tears streaming down my face. Getting a new dog was like admitting Jordan is really gone. (Yes, I know that's irrational.) I have never grieved the loss of a pet like this. But we are a good fit for this guy and I think he will settle in nicely.

Mrs Swan - I did like in Florida for a while! I was transferred down there for work, but ultimately moved back to NC. 

It was a decent weekend - I was just beginning to get a hang of this morning routine when this little guy came into our lives and now I have to figure it all out again! Oh well. :-) I did walk the dogs at butt crack dark thirty and rode the exercise bike for 20 minutes so far today! 

Take care.

Starting the day off right!

 It's interesting to me that no matter how old you are. there are always opportunities to learn new things about yourself. One of my "assignments" last week was to work on establishing a good morning routine. My husband made an astute observation: pre pandemic I left the house before I started work (even on WFH days I typically did something outside) and during the spring & summer I walked in the morning. Now that the weather has turned I'm not getting outside, which has made the transition from home to work pretty blurry.

Monday I got up and walked Susie pretty early - that worked pretty well. Tuesday I didn't due to weather and spent the day in a funk (bad news didn't help). Yesterday I went to the dentist and then took Susie for a walk. This morning I was faced with a challenge: dark + snowy (maybe icy patches) roads. Instead of getting out right away, I climbed on the exercise bike, put "Aerial Africa" on the TV (courtesy of amazon prime), and shouted out upbeat tunes for the google home to play. Twenty minutes later my blood was pumping and I felt like I had had a decent workout. I didn't get outside, but vigorous activity seemed to work pretty well too. I may try to keep doing some yoga, but it clearly doesn't work for me as my morning activity!

Anyway, that's all I've got for today.

Take care.

Down Day

 Monday was a really good day. The sun was out, Susie and I enjoyed a good walk in the morning, I was super productive at work - it just felt pretty good. That evening I got a text from my mom - my son't best friend has cancer. This young man (he's 25) is like a part of our family. He & F went to college together, they were roommates at one point, he's spent holidays with our family, and our families have spent holidays all together (back before covid). 

I just spent yesterday in a funk. Sad for him, missing Jordan, burned out & tired of being isolated. Add to that it was a rainy gray day and my mental state was one of anxiety & exhaustion. I grazed all day and then asked my husband to pick up tacos for dinner. I just couldn't face cooking. I tried all the things I could think of to distract myself, but it just didn't work.

Today is a new day. Susie and I were able to get our walk in. It's cloudy but not raining. We may get snow tonight and then a couple of days of sunny but cold weather. Getting outside and moving didn't change anything - except my mindset.

Keep fighting the good fight y'all.

Better bad choices

 This weekend was an opportunity to put that nugget into practice!

T and I went out to dinner Friday night (grilled salmon, double broccoli, no appetizer). Then in an unplanned move, we met his family at a burger place for lunch Saturday (grilled chicken salad, ate a few bites of the appetizers ordered, took home leftovers). We try to limit our dining out and choose places carefully where we feel relatively "safe" dining, so 2 in 1 weekend was very unusual. Then Sunday T wanted wings for dinner to go with the football. So I made baked wings and a chopped veggie salad to go alongside. I put some grilled chicken in the salad to pump up the protein and limited the number of wings. I was still up a pound after the weekend but really that's not too shabby!

I've struggled finding a morning routine. Today it's supposed to rain with a high of 44. Since it was 42 this morning at 6:30 I decided to go ahead and walk then. Susie did much better walking in the morning. As much as I dislike the cold, I think I just need to suck it up and walk in the morning. I felt much better and managed 3 half mile laps (lately I've only been doing 1). I hope I've set myself up for a successful day.

Take care. 

Glad it's Friday

 It's been a long week. Work has been hectic, I've been sad, but I've been hanging in there. Had a nice loss (2.6 pounds). I hate that I'm starting again, but at least I'm starting again.

I finished watching the documentary on Amazon prime I wrote about:

The movie has 3 sections: nutrition, exercise, and psychology. The real gold (for me) was in the psychology part - I'm going to watch that part again and take notes! One thing one of the folks interviewed said really struck a chord with me "I encourage my clients to make better bad choices." Not perfect - not some crazy strict way of eating you can never adhere to - just improve your choices gradually. Gold. 

I've actually been doing that. I think I mentioned I gave up alcohol (extra calories, and it tends to lessen my inhibitions, which makes it easier for me to over snack), but I missed the taste and ritual. So we've been experimenting with some alcohol free substitutes. Some have been better than others, but it has helped me to make the shift. Anyway, there's a success for the week!

I'm going to make some new valences this weekend. I'll post photos!

Take care.