Busy

Yesterday was a pretty busy day.  I got my "have to do" list done, and one thing done on my "want to do" list (got the car washed).  I was super busy all day and definitely did not feel rested come the evening!  I sat down and started to over snack without even noticing!  Luckily I realized what was happening and stopped.

I was at work for 10 hours today - I have a counseling appointment tomorrow morning so I wanted to work extra today.  I stayed busy all day, but not overwhelmed busy.  So that was good.

Pictures of today's food (this is what I am packing this week):

Breakfast:  a ground turkey patty made with greek seasonings, feta and spinach.  Served with cucumber, tomatoes, and homemade tsaziki.

AM snack - piece of a small sweet potato.  Plain.

My pictures of lunch and afternoon snack didn't come through. :-(

Lunch was the cheeseburger salad - seasoned ground meat over greens and brussel sprouts with some shredded cheese and chopped pickle.

Afternoon snack was grapes and 12 almonds.

Dinner was chicken casserole and more brussel sprouts.

Boring, but that's what I'm eating this week (dinner will vary).

Going to water aerobics tonight.  Have a good evening!

pooped

Still a bit on the crabby side today, but I was kept very busy with chores, so no time to sulk or overeat! *lol*

Hope you had a terrific weekend!

Big hugs! :-)

The Graduate

First the good news:  I graduated! :-)  I think I mentioned that at my Cross Fit gym, before you can attend regular classes you have to complete 6 weeks of individual assessment and coaching with the owner.  That is to ensure that you are doing things correctly, with the proper weight.  Today was my final Olympic lift: the snatch:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfLV0MnRVZM (It's harder than it looks!)

After class he pronounced me ready to attend classes! :-)

Next, the mediocre news:  weight stayed the same this week.  :-\  No gain, but no loss.

Finally, the bad news;  I totally overate last night.  I KNEW I could text someone in the support group for support, or go online to the group and reach out.  But I didn't.  You know why?  Because I WANTED to overeat.  Le sigh.

Right now I am very frustrated with my estranged "husband."  For one he said he would take care of the dogs while my mom and I go down to to Georgia, and now he's saying he isn't sure.  Yeah, thanks Mr. Dependable.  It's not like visiting my 95 year old great aunt is .. oh .. important or anything.  God forbid you should miss some beauty rest, jack ass.

And then there's vacation.  As you may or may not know (depending oh how long you've been reading), we belong to a medieval recreation group.  Every year we go to a huge event up in western Pennsylvania.  It's a lot of fun, but it's also an opportunity to see people we may only see every couple of years.  A lot of our friends come over from Australia/New Zealand and only come every 2-3 years.  We also have friends from all over the country and that's the only time we see them.

So I definitely want to go.  Haven't worked out my tent situation.  Haven't worked out how I am getting there or back.  Sure it is going to be uncomfortable since we will be in the same camp.  Le sigh.  It's stuff like this that makes this whole thing suck. 

Anyway, I'm in a pissy mood.  I'm feeling anxiety over both trips.

Today I am going to finish painting my room.

Take care & I'll work on it too.

No water aerobics

We are have severe thunderstorms, so no water aerobics for me. :-(

Today was fine.  Meals for next week planned, grocery list made.  This weekend I am going to finish painting my bedroom.  Also, I have my final orientation session at the Cross Fit gym - more Olympic lifting - yay!

My grandpuppy is getting very cranky at her enforced, post surgery, confinement.  She snapped at one of the other dogs tonight.  Not good.

Okay, turning off computer.  Good night! :-)

Food, a recipe idea, and more of "the plan"

So, food this week:

Breakfast: chicken & zucchini with homemade curry sauce. (Welcome to my weird)
AM snack: 1/2 sweet potato
Lunch: chicken, tomato, cucumber, and roasted green beans with salad dressing
PM snack: banana & 12 almonds

I found a great idea of a lunch salad over at emilybites.com - a cheeseburger salad.  I love to take a flavor I love (like a cheeseburger) and turn it into a healthy meal.  Yum!  That's lunches for next week!

I talked to my girlfriend in Berkley.  Once my contract ends, the plan is to visit my friend in Phoenix - we are looking at hitting Sedona, Grand Canyon, and as many of the national parks in Utah as we can squeeze in.  Then I will fly on to Berkley.  L asked me if I wanted to go to Yosemite.  DUH - YES!  She's never been and neither has her boyfriend.  It's only 3 hours from Berkley. 

This October/November is really shaping up to be a dream trip.  I am SO excited.  I'm nervous - so many things are changing/ happening in my life.  And like most 3 year olds, I don't like change! :-)  But whoa, this little idea of mine is turning into the trip of a lifetime!

I think I mentioned that I was joining Sean's 10 week weight loss support group.  I am so excited.  I really need the extra support.  There just isn't anyone in my "real" life that gets my weight struggle.  So often I'm fine all day, but when I get home I'm tired - and that's when it goes to pieces.  I'm tired and just don't have the energy (or whatever) to stay the course and I cave.  My weight has been stalled.  I'm thankful I haven't gained with everything that has been going on, but success in this area will go a long way to helping me in ALL areas.

Okay, tonight it the 7th (of 12) of the classes at my friend's church on reading the Bible critically (or analytically if you prefer).  It's been interesting - glad I signed up.

Okay, going to read a few minutes before I head to class.

Take care!

Getting my whine on

I had a good day at work - busy, but got a lot accomplished.

So why did I get cranky when I got home?  Ridiculous!  Having a burger for dinner, then going to pack my breakfast & lunch for tomorrow, then off to water aerobics - which I am looking forward to!

it's so annoying when you have a feeling for apparently no logical reason!  Okay, I'm done being grumpy!  I'm going to go pack my food right now so I can feel accomplished again!

Have a good evening!

The beginnings of a plan

I told you one thing the counselor asked me was to make a bucket list - including (relatively) short term.

I have a friend in Phoenix and friends in Berkley.  I really haven't traveled much out west.  Today I called my friend in Phoenix and asked about going out there when my contract is up and maybe doing some hiking in the national parks.  We are working on a plan and I am so excited!

My plan is to take some time off work between contracts and connect with some friends and see some of the country I haven't seen before.  I'll have the money and the time. 

For so many years things felt so much like I was giving and my husband was taking.  When I needed him to be there for me - he wasn't.  Now I'm trying to figure out what I like and what I want to do - something I haven't considered for a long, long time.

It's weird and scary and exciting.

Take care!

A good day

This morning at the Cross Fit gym we worked on Olympic lifts.  Halfway through the session the coach says "You have really found your niche."  That is true - I LOVE strength training. 

The gym I've found is not your stereotypical Cross fit gym.  4 days a week they do typical cross fits workouts, and 2 days a week are specifically devoted to Olympic lifting.  This just feels like a good place for me.  I hope I like the actual classes as much as I've enjoyed the learning sessions!

After that breakfast then off to the class at my friend's church.  Then lunch, nap and now chores.  It's gorgeous here today.  The windows are open and the air smells so good.

Belews puppy thankfully is kinda dopey from the pain meds.  Poop thing is confined to the length of a leash and has to be walked outside. :-(  It's gonna be a long recovery - for everyone!

Tomorrow is church class again & doing my mom's taxes.  Yeah, you wish you were me! *lol*  And of course some outdoor time in the park!

Enjoy your weekend!!

Home

Grandpuppy is home.

Last night I overate.  I was tired, lonely, & sad.  It would be nice if I had an accountability partner that I could reach out to in times like that.  I have friends, but no one that really "gets it" when it comes to my food issues.

I'm working on it.

Okie dokie

Today was my long day at work (10 hours) to make up time for going in late due to my counseling appointment.  Came home, ate, and sat down.  Running a little low on the energy.

Grandpuppy came through surgery fine - she is staying overnight for observation and will be home tomorrow.

Food has been fine.  Exercise hasn't happened.  I saw this today and laughed and laughed, so I leave you with this:

Spring is springing

Well, it's really pretty around here.  The bradford pears are starting to bloom - they are always the first of the season, but the dogwoods and azaleas aren't far behind.  I remember when I was in the Army, a friend came home on leave with me.  He was from Michigan and couldn't get over how green and gorgeous NC is in the spring time.  It really is special.

My day was fine - busy at work.  Came home and ran out to buy dog food, quick 20 minute nap, then dinner & a shower before my "church class".

One of the things I know I have to face is my 3-fold fear around losing weight: The fear that I'm not worthy of that level of self care and health, the fear of giving up my comfort foods, and the fear of attention from men when I do lose weight.  Physically losing the weight is probably the easiest part - it's all this other stuff!

I plan to join Sean's next 10 week weight loss support group conference call - I'm hoping that will help me face some of these fears head on.  Living life to its fullest should not be a cause for anxiety - it should be exciting and wonderful.  Isn't it sad how common my fears are amongst folks desiring to lose weight?

I hope you have a wonderful evening - take care! :-)

Quick update

Long day at work and I'm pooped.  Signed up for water aerobics for April. :-)

Had a good session with the counselor.  My homework is to make a bucket list - both long and near term.  I haven't spent a lot of time of thinking about things I want to do, so it'll be an interesting.

Sorry I don't have a lot to say.  But I'm still here. :-)

Take care.

Can we not catch a break?

My grandpuppy tore her ACL yesterday.  Surgery is $3600.  Can we not catch a financial break in this family???  Please!?!?

Got 2 walls painted (that was my plan).  I'll paint the other 2 walls next weekend.  Went to class at my friend's church this morning, cooked, ran a couple of errands with my son, enjoyed the pretty day.  Cold, but pretty.

Can't believe I have to go back to work tomorrow.  I may take a day off next month near my birthday.  We'll see.

Take care & enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Holy frijole!

I don't mean to go so long between posting.  I just come home and either go to my class at my friend's church or read a book - I don't spend a lot of time at the computer!

I gained 1.8 pounds this week.  Yeah.  Time to cut beer & diet pepsi out of the diet.  Again.  Le sigh.

Cross Fit workout this morning was excellent We did bench press and some variations.  And squat and front raise.  And worked on pull ups.  My jump rope is getting better.

I plan to start painting my room today.

I still feel sad, but I'm doing the basics - cooking, eating, sleeping, going to work.  I guess for 3 weeks out that's pretty good.

Take care.

Better news

Took the car to my friend's mechanic.  It's going to be about half what the other place told us, so that's very good news!

My mood is just very "blah" this week.  I guess that's to be expected.  I don't like it, but I guess that's perfectly normal, all things considered.

Went & bought paint for room.  Weather isn't going to be great, but I plan to start painting this weekend.  Starting the class through my friend's church tonight.  It's less about the class (although I hope it will be good) and more about getting out of the house.

Anyway, I keep trudging forward.  I want to do more, I need to do more, I feel like many things are in a holding pattern.  But I'm not quite to a place where I can take action.  Well, I'm not going backward!

Take care. 

Eh

So, we took my son's car in to the shop.  It needs work - a lot of it.  Enough that we're not sure yet whether it's worth doing. :-(

We paid $4000 for the car last spring and it's had overheating problems.  We've taken it in a couple of times, but yesterday the place said they think the head gasket is warped. ??  We took it today to a friend's trusted mechanic for a 2nd valuation and some advice.  I can't afford to throw away a car.  I can't afford a new (used) one.  Heck, it'll be tight to get it fixed - if it's worth it. :-(

Really??? 

Thanks, and busy day

First of all, I want to say thanks to all of you that are taking time to comment.  Everyone appreciates comments, but now they are particularly meaningful as the extra amount of support and friendship really means a lot.

Last night the boy got home, announced that he had been eating "like a refugee" and proceeded to eat 2 HUGE burritos and all the trimmings, followed by a couple of snack size Snickers while we warmed up a couple of slices of pecan pie left over from his birthday.

This morning he and I met a friend for breakfast at a local country breakfast place.  He actually brought some food home - I was amazed. It was a terrific visit, and now I'm busy food prepping for my bottomless pit! :-)

He and mom rode down to the coast to check on his boat and pick up some stuff.  I've been left in charge of food prep.  So between my food for the week, a couple of dinners, and his food it's an all day thing!  But that's okay, I'm listening to tv, taking breaks as needed, and I have the windows open!

I hope you have a good day.

Take care!

Not what I wanted, but exactly what I needed

Hey there.

I didn't mean to go so long between posts, I've just been kinda "blah" this week.  I was down 1.6 pounds (I have no idea how).  Sleep has been gradually improving, but my energy has felt low.

Last night was kinda the pinnacle - I was beaten down, tired, and .. tired.  I decided I was NOT going to Cross Fit this morning and I set my alarm for 7:15 to call in sick (my session starts at 7:30).  I woke up at 6 and drowsed until 6:45.  I felt pretty good.  I got up and ate a light snack - and felt pretty good.  I drove to the gym, muttering about turning around until there it was and I turned in.

I didn't want to go.  I felt so far out of my comfort zone.  You know what happened, right?  I had a wonderful workout.  I did dead lifts - and blew them away.  I learned front squats - and blew them away.  I learned thrusters (a sort of front squat followed by a press) and those went well.  I did a conditioning assessment - 500 m row, 25 thrusters, 10 ring pull ups (assisted).  The trainer said I did really well.  Oh, and he gave me a t-shirt for getting my first stitches. :-)

Today I am cleaning, getting my paint stuff together, and doing food prep.  I feel better than I have all week.

My son is coming home tonight and then either driving on to the coast or spending the night and heading out tomorrow.  So that'll be nice.

It's a sunny day.  Tomorrow I plan to take a walk in the park, meet a friend for breakfast, and continue on with chores.  I hope you have a great weekend!

Take care.

Too pooped to pop

I'm tired y'all.

My counseling session was an intake interview, so a lot of questions about history, what brought me in, what I want to get out of counseling - that sort of thing.  I have another session in 2 weeks.  I figure every 2 weeks is a pretty good frequency.

My stitches are tender today, which I guess isn't surprising.  I think I didn't sleep well - I wasn't up or anything, but I suspect I kind of woke myself up when I would bonk it.  I'm really tired today and came home and immediately took a nap.  Highly unusual!

Tomorrow is a long day at work.  Mostly I'm just looking forward to the weekend.  not sure if I will start painting or just start getting stuff together.  We'll see.

Anyway, I'm tired but doing okay.  Take care.

Not much

I'm pretty pooped - it was a long day at work.

Tomorrow I have my first counseling session and I get stitches.  Plus, you  know, work.

Anyway, here is a link I thought I would share for some really great food ideas:  http://news.distractify.com/beth-buczynski/the-ol-switcheroo/?ts_pid=2

Take care!

What an interesting weekend

You guys, I really had a moment yesterday.

Another sleepless night Friday.  Got up and went to Cross Fit.  I was really pushing myself hard - the workouts are tough.  It was waaaay out of my comfort zone.  Then I cut my arm - really badly (stitches, tetanus shot, antibiotic bad).  I just had a freak out moment - I thought I was going to either have an anxiety attack or burst out in tears (or both). 

I was thinking "What am I doing?  Why do I think I can do this?  I can't handle all these things!"  It was about the workout - and about work and looking for a house and being on my own and not knowing what I want to do. But here's the thing: If I can build my confidence in the gym, maybe it will spill over into other areas of my life.

The trainer cleaned it up, slapped a bandage on it, and I finished the workout.

I had lunch with my friend K - who is just an awesome, independent woman. We had lunch (Honduran), wandered around a book store, then met up with some other friends for dinner & beers & hanging out.  I spent the night in Durham and came home this morning.

Got my spark plugs changed, laundry done, prepped food, painted some swatches of paint on the wall.  I like the color!

I'm not ready for another week, but there ya go.

Take care.

Yay for Friday!

Well, the "bad" thing is I woke up at 4 AM and couldn't get back to sleep.   !?!?!  I finally gave up and got up early.

Work was busy and the time went quickly.  Went for my annual physical at the new doctor here.  I like her!  I talked to her about going back on my anxiety med, which she totally understood.  What I take a a very low dose of a daily medication.  I didn't want Xanax or anything like that - I prefer this. 

After that I had lunch (I was hungry because I had to fast), came home for a nap, then went to Costc0 for gas, prescriptions, and a few grocery items.

My son is having to work 7 days a week for a stretch - ugh!  Half day Sunday, but still.  He is coming home this evening.  I made him up a batch of beef stew to take back.

His work is crazy, but he seems to be doing really well - I am SO glad.  It's hard when your kids leave the nest but haven't yet found their direction.  I can't say he's found it yet, but he seems to be doing a lot better in terms of being independent and mature for now.

I guess I'm in kind of a numb/ limbo stage.  I just have so much uncertainty about the future in so many ways, I'm just not really thinking about it too much.

I would say this week was a fail in the workout department - cross fit, one session on the elliptical, one walk in the park.  Food was 50/50 - fine during the day but definitely too much after dinner grazing + beer - which is the worst for my weight!!  Weight was the same this week.

If I don't post tomorrow I will be back on Sunday.

Have a good weekend!

Sunny & Warm

The weather here is lovely, so after I got home mom and I went for a walk in the park.  It's a lovely day.

I am feeling better again today.  It's funny, after work I went to get my annual mammogram.  I felt good about going, knowing I was doing something to take care of myself.  Yeah, getting a mammogram left me in a good mood.  Weird, huh? :-)

Anyway, it was a pretty good day.  Tomorrow I am working a half day (I worked longer days earlier in the week).  I have my annual physical at 12:30. 

Plans for Saturday have morphed to me staying over in Durham through Saturday night.  No idea what we're doing, but it'll be fun. :-) 

Have a nice evening!

Today was better again

Even though I didn't sleep well, today was better at work.  The sadness wasn't as oppressive.

I ordered a print to go in my bedroom from art dot com:

Here is a room that is a bit of an inspiration:

The plan is to have pale pink walls, tan curtains and blanket. I have a wood headboard mom picked up at the thrift shop today for $15.  If the wood doesn't look good I can cover it with fabric.  The accent color will be splashes of aqua in place of the coral.  I love aqua and have a lovely vintage lamp in the room - but I wanted something fresh and new - a color scheme I haven't used before.  The tan replaces my old grey. The room should be warm but restful.  I'll post pics when its done.

I'm meeting a couple of girlfriends for lunch in Durham Saturday, including one of my best friends - the one that lives in Raleigh (Kay).  I also have another session of cross fit.

So things to look forward to this weekend.

I am exhausted and am skipping the gym tonight.  I packed my food today, ate a reasonable and healthy dinner, and am giving myself permission to take the night off. Tomorrow evening I have my mammogram, Friday I leave work early for my annual physical.  After that its off to the gym - so I'll get in 4 workouts this week.  Not the best but not too shabby.

Thank you for your comments - I really appreciate it.  It really helps just to have friends reaching out - and I count you among my friends. :-)

Take care! 

Today was not a good day

I was at work for 10 hours.  I'm tired, it was a long day, and the numbness seems to be taking a break.  It's replaced with overwhelming sadness.

Gwen has posted a couple of good articles about perfectionism.  I wanted to do this perfectly.  A couple of days of sad, followed by noble loneliness, going to therapy, doing my time in self reflection time out - and coming out the other side, thin, mellow like the Dalai Lama, and ready to move on.

Like most things in life, grief isn't linear.  So today I am back to sad.  After dinner I picked up curtains and a sample of paint for the new bedroom.  Then I went to the grocery for beer and salami.

I'll get back on the horse tomorrow. Maybe therapy will help with this d*&^ need to do everything "perfectly" - even failure.

Take care.

Back to work

So, it was a pretty long day at work today, but it was okay.  I told my boss what is going on - I will be having some counseling sessions and will need to flex my work schedule somewhat, so I needed to let her know.

It was in the 60s today so I wore sandals to show off my new pedicure. :-)

I came home, ate some supper, and went to the gym.  I did 30 minutes on the elliptical.  I need to finish entering my food and exercise into Sparkpeople.

Have a good evening!

Busy weekend so far

Yesterday I went to lunch and got a pedicure with an old friend - that was nice.

When my son got home I told him that we had mutually decided to separate.  He's mad and feels like his mom has been "done wrong", but I calmed him down as much as possible and we had a good talk about it.  I know he is going to be hurt as well - B has been his step-dad since he was 6.

I got the car washed and did a couple of other things before making us all a nice supper.  I've been working on keeping my food in check - healthy stuff with plenty of vegetables.  The last beer was consumed Friday and I don't plan to buy any more for a while.  My stomach is kind of upset, but I think it's stress.

Today we've run more errands - I met with another friend for a couple of errands with her as well.

The weather is lovely so we've had windows open enjoying the fresh air and sunshine.

I had bought a wallet for myself for my birthday and tucked it away.  I pulled it out AND I bought myself a purse today (of all the places I looked, I found one I liked at W-M, go figure!).  So I have a new purse and wallet, and a paint chip I want to get a paint sample of for painting my bedroom.  I looked for curtains, but no luck.

My back is a bit sore from Cross Fit but that's it.  I was hoping to get in a walk in the park but that's gonna be a no go - we have to follow the boy up to Eden (1 hour 1 way) in my mom's car.  His uncle's house doesn't have a bed - we pulled one out of storage for him.  Oh well - today will be my day off and I will make sure I get a workout in every day this week.

In short: I'm keeping busy - touching base with friends, accomplishing things.  Evenings are hard.  I slept better last night, that helped too.

Thank you for your good thoughts.  Take care.

Finnegan Begin ... again

Good morning.

Yesterday was hard.  I love my husband, and splitting up is hard.  But there is also the fact that I genuinely enjoy being married - being part of a team.  I'm going to miss that.  I'll be 49 next month.  The idea of starting over is daunting.

This all happened Thursday evening.  Yesterday I just let myself be a mess.  I haven't slept for crap the past couple of nights either, so that doesn't help.

Like I said - I made myself some appointments and plans.  My son will be home this evening and I don't want him to see me all crying into my beer and sobbing like a 15 year old.  I will be honest, but I don't want him to freak out.  I don't know if that makes sense.  I don't want to stay in the "hysterical mess" phase. :-)

I went to Cross Fit this morning.  The first 6 sessions are a combination of assessment and teaching proper form.  It was tough - but I enjoyed it.

I've also decided to rearrange and paint the bedroom here.  I have some new bedding and I'd like to maybe look for a headboard.  That'll be nice.

My mantra right now is to make no major decisions for the next 6 months.  No joining the peace corps, taking up with somebody, spending a bunch of money, etc.  Just let it be.  My husband bought a car yesterday.  Yeah.

So I guess this blog will change a bit in that my focus will be more about my overall well being - to include fitness and weight loss.  I'm not giving up on myself just because he did.  I'm sure there will be bumps in the journey.  But I have to take this time now to love and care for myself.  Then hopefully down the road I'll be ready to begin again with someone special.

Just so sad

Today has been a pretty terrible day.  I am just so sad. 

I have done a couple of things though: I have a doctor appt next week (I am going to ask to go back on my anxiety medication), I have an appt for a mammogram (overdue), and I have an appt with a counselor.

Tomorrow morning is my first evaluation & training session at the cross fit gym.  I have signed up for a study class through my friend's church.  I have made plans to see a friend next weekend.  I have messaged with a couple of friends.

I did finally manage yoga pants, but only to go to the grocery for beer & pimento cheese.  I know.  I just don't have the fortitude right now to do much more than cry and say "I am so sad."

I know I will be okay.  It will take a while (15 years is a long time).  I will be okay.

Take care.

Well

So, I was hoping it wasn't too late, but ... yeah.

After 15 years, my husband and I are splitting up.  I hope you'll forgive me if the number on the scale isn't my highest priority just now.

Today

So today was a pretty good day!

For one, the weather was really nice - 72 degrees!  I went to the gym for what had to be the lamest workout ever.  Not because I wasn't motivated, my back was just really sore.  Last night's class was good but we did a bunch of moves I don't typically do, and A LOT of them.  So I did what I could and called it an evening.

I don't know if I mentioned, my son started a job Monday.  He is liking it pretty well, it's hard work and 60 hours a week.  But it pays well and his uncle (my younger step brother) is working there too.  I'm really proud of him for working hard and being so independent.

I got a new book yesterday.  One of my favorite authors (Patricia Briggs) just released a new book, which I had pre ordered on Amazon.  I really enjoy her books, so that was a nice thing.

My husband and I have special plans for this weekend.  Living with my mom has been tough on our relationship just because we don't have a lot of time for just the two of us.  So yay!

My mom took me out to supper tonight - she knows I've been kind of down and thought that would be a nice treat.  We tried a new to us Italian place - I got eggplant parm with a salad.  Not a low cal meal, but low carb.  It was yummy.

We may get snow tomorrow - crazy!!!

Have a good evening! Take care. 

Turning around my stinkin thinkin

I posted a comment on this blog today.  The lady was talking about giving up weighing her food - letting go of that kind of behavior.  Here is the comment I left:

"I can so relate to this. You know the saying: "Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?" For me, I get so caught up in the precision of my measurements and act like that is SO important, failing to notice the "log" - like the chips I ate! Fretting over the minutiae lets me ignore the larger issues."

I have a masters in applied statistics (economics specifically).  I am a project manager by profession.  I plan, create scopes, build flows, chart milestones.

I like to organize things.  I'm great at making plans.  But here's the thing: doing all that planning and goal setting lets me focus on where I want to be.  Sounds like a vital part of achieving your goals - setting them, right?

But what happens when you are so busy on seeing where you want to go that you pay absolutely no attention to the road!  Yes, you have to know where you are going, but you need to check where you are as well.  You might trip on a rock!

Okay, enough analogy - I think you get my point.  Worrying about what I'll weigh on my birthday gets me off the hook for skipping the gym tonight, after all, there's plenty of time between now & my birthday!

And there's another issue at work here as well.  I've written about the fact that right now there are many circumstances in my life which are challenging: we can't buy a house until we've sold the one in Florida, I am working a contract (temp) job, etc.  I've been so focused on where I want to be, and am not even appreciating what is going on right now.  I'm treating the present like an unpleasant waiting room I want to get out of as quickly as possible!

Wishing your life away, distancing yourself from the present - is unhealthy.  I've written about this before, and I've been trying, but I don't seem to be able to address this situation alone.  I'm going to investigate getting some counseling.  I know healthy foods and exercise help, but I feel like I need a little help to achieve escape velocity.  I'm not gaining weight, but my loss seems to have stalled out.  More importantly, I feel like I've stalled out emotionally.

So that's where I am right now.

Thanks for reading - be well. :-)

Focus on the now

Thanks for the good wishes!  Nothing major happened, just didn't feel up to posting - but did want to let you know about the scale. :-)

Saturday was my son's birthday - he had a good day.

I've been too focused on the goal, not enough on the activities to get me there.  An example is thinking I should weigh X by day Y, although frankly this type of thinking has crept into many facets of my life.

Goals are fine until you become so fixed on the goal that you aren't concentrating on the present.  Something to work on this week.

Take care!

Got nothing

Having a sad, stressed day.

Scale is down 1.8 pounds for the week, but I'm taking today off posting.

Be well.

Greetings from the great white south!

We got 7 gorgeous inches of big, fluffy, heavy snow!!!  My mom went out first thing and made snow ice cream.  (Don't worry - I only had a bite, as did she.  It's in the freezer for my son.)

After breakfast (burger & green beans), I got out and over the course of a couple of hours cleared off both cars and shoveled the driveway.  (I took breaks).  Then I came in and put Ben Gay on my back (is there anything sexier than smelling like your great grandmother? No, there is not).  So maybe no kettlebells but I promise I got in a good workout!!

AM snack was a deviled egg.  Lunch was a deconstructed tuna melt and tomato soup.  I felt like a hot lunch again!!

I am working at home today.  I'd like to get out & go for a walk after I get off this conference call.  Pictures of the back yard (and grandpuppies):

Let me share with you a greet video - a cover of Bruno Mars "Uptown Funk" (which I love) done by seniors. 

Uptown Funk f. Alex Boye

Never lost your verve!
 
I hope you have a wonderful day!

50 ways to eat your burger, well maybe not quite 50...

First of all, I boot scooted to the gym as soon as work was over.  It's funny how somehow you go and it's like "meh" (Monday) and you do the bare minimum.  Other nights it's like total amazeballs.  That was tonight.  I had a super amazing kick ass workout on the elliptical.  I climbed off feeling like a million bucks.  Which is good since we're getting 5-7 inches of snow or snow & sleet tonight.  So tomorrow is an at home workout with the kettlebells.  Did I mention I had a good workout? :-)  Have I mentioned I really love to work out?? ;-)

Today Gwen wrote a post about her breakfast and asked what other folks typically eat for breakfast.  I tend to eat by patterns - not the exact things but general trends.  I like to start the day with a solid protein breakfast.  I also like to eat vegetables at every meal.  And as you all probably know, I prep breakfasts, lunches, & snacks on the weekend for grab and go during the week.

Given those constraints, burgers (or similar) and veggies are eaten most weekdays for breakfast.  The nice thing about being a pretty decent cook is that you can take a common base and come up with loads of variations.  Not because the cooking is hard, but because you know what flavor combinations to use to create something new.

Here's some different things I generally prepare:

Burgers, mini meat loaves, or meat balls - which if you think about it, are really all the same thing: a lump of meat with some items added in (or not) and maybe covered in sauce (or toppings).  From that I create:

southwest (avocado & salsa)
italian (marinara sauce, some mozzarella and/or parm, basil etc)
Greek (seasonings mixed in, then topped with tsaziki, kalamata olives, red onions, tomato, cucumber)
traditional meatloaf - I like a light sauce of bbq sauce and ketchup
traditional burger - cheese, mustard, ketchup, pickled beets
fake salisbury steak  - keep it plain and top with onions, mushrooms, homemade gravy
korean: kim chi, sprouts, a little soy sauce

See what I mean?  Pick a type of food, figure out what defines that flavor for you, and pile it on top a hunk of meat! :-)  I also add veggies alongside - spiralized or sliced zucchini, frozen green beans or broccoli tossed onto a cookie sheet and roasted.

There you have it - 7 different breakfats with a bag of frozen veg and a package of ground meat.  Eggs are okay, but I don't want to take the time to cook them and they don't reheat well. 

Have a good evening!
 

Evening Update

Okay, workout done at home with kettlebells: 200 swings, 100 clean and presses, 50 squats.

Dinner was the deconstructed reuben with a big ass salad since I ate cooked veggies at lunch.

Snow-prise!! :-O

WELL!

Remember how I said they were predicting snow?  They are - for tomorrow night.  But it came last night as well. Snow-prise!  We didn't get a lot, but the roads weren't salted, people weren't prepared, and the roads this morning were horrendous.  Multiple multiple car accidents - on the interstates.

So.... I am working from home.  I CANNOT skip exercise, so I am shutting the dogs out of the bedroom and doing a kettlebell video.  That's a good weight workout AND an excellent cardio workout as well.

Food has been good today as well, but I changed it up a bit.

Breakfast: turkey burger with spinach again, but added brussel sprouts, (no sugar) marinara, and 1/8 cup of mozzarella.
Snack; deviled egg
Lunch: brussel sprouts, green beans, and 3 campari tomatoes all diced up with a chopped up chicken thigh and some homemade curry sauce.  It was a HUGE plate of food and the leftovers will be my afternoon snack.
Dinner: deconstructed reuben with some vegetable alongside.
Snack: 3 T hummus and cucumber.

For me, it's a lot easier to stay on track if I keep my veggie consumption high.  Besides feeling better because I'm eating nutrient dense food, I'm more satisfied.

Another thing that helps me a lot is that I make my own sauces.  Barbeque, ketchup, salad dressings, marinades - I make my own for the most part.  Not only is it A LOT cheaper, but I get exactly what I want and the quality I want.

Anyway, I thought I would go ahead & post since I am here at the house. 

Have a good day!! :-)

Mischief managed :-)

Okay, after work I ate supper and went to the Y.  It was hardly my finest workout, but I went.  Naturally they are calling for more snow. :-(

Food has been good today!

Breakfast: turkey burger with avocado and salsa
Snack: deviled egg
Lunch: salad with grilled chicken and homemade vinaigrette
Snack: banana and 12 almonds
Dinner: Mexican casserole (with homemade polenta) and brussel sprouts
Snack: 3 T hummus and cucumber

I put everything in Spark People, so I'm tracking again.  No change on the scale this morning from Friday.

Hopefully my son will get everything wrapped up this week as far as the move.  He plans to come up here on Friday - Saturday is his birthday.

I'm off to get cleaned up, watch a little tv, and hit the sack so I can do it again tomorrow.

Have a good evening!

Back home

Back home safe and sound!

It's tiring to drive down and back in a single weekend.  But I didn't have any time off and we wanted to go - it's been since early December since we visited.  Thankfully the weather was good (warmer and sunny) and we were able to have a really nice time.

She's doing well - a little slower, a little more forgetful, but still healthy and doing well.

I got home and knocked out the food prep, doing laundry, unpacked, and ready for another day tomorrow.  We may have some snow showers tomorrow morning. :-(  I didn't bring my work computer home - so hopefully the roads will be okay!

Alright, I'm off to enjoy some down time and check out the class schedule at the Y!

Hello from warm(er) Georgia!

Good evening!

So I am down here near Lagrange Ga, visiting with my great aunt.  For those of you that haven't been reading a long time:  this is where my mom grew up.  My grandmother's last remaining sibling (and closest sister) still lives here in an assisted living facility.  We come down every 3 months or so for a visit.  We were here in December, and have booked a long weekend in May for a cabin by the lake.

We got up at 5 to get here by lunch.  We took her out for lunch and I had a nice meal (beef tips, green beans, turnip greens).  We hit the thrift shop that benefits the Humane Society, went by the country store for jelly, put flowers at the cemetery, went by the grocery for fresh fruit, gassed up the car, and finally supper (catfish, slaw, a couple of fries).

Now we're in the hotel, Alma has had a nice bath (dead lifted her out!), and we are relaxing.  Tomorrow we are driving by to NC so I can go back to reality!

Today I am grateful for the fact that I have good genes.  I come from 2 families where the women live to be well into their 90s with their minds in good shape (for most of them).  It's no guarantee, but hey - it helps!

Have a great evening.  I may or may not post depending on what time we get home.

Have a good weekend! :-)

Touching base

I'm packing to head to Georgia in the morning.  I'm taking my computer with me and plan to post while I'm there.

It's been a yucko week here - just like most of the rest of the country.  I've been sitting around at home since the roads are icy after dark, half heartedly doing exercise videos and half heartedly staying out of the kitchen, for the lose.

Goals for next week: stay away from sugar & flour, go to the gym (at least twice), track food, get on scale. 

After that, I need to work on a plan for building gratitude.

Have a good evening! :-)

Good morning

I am heading in to the office in a couple of hours.  The roads were pretty frozen this morning, so I opted to wait until the sun is up before going in.

Not much to say.  I'm here, doing .. eh, okay.  Just kinda .. eh today.

Take care!

Snow day!

Yep, working in my fleecies! :-)

I am working and listening to a documentary on guys competing for Mr. Olympia.  It's pretty good. Doing a workout video before lunch. Not my favorite thing to do.  Honestly, I'm not sure if the benefit isn't more mental than physical, but movement is movement.

My son is heading back to Wilmington tomorrow.  They have a lot to do as far as moving his grandpa's boat, his trailer & little boat, then his houseboat.

We may get more snow/stuff tomorrow, and they are saying we may get more this weekend.  Mom and I were planning to go to Georgia this weekend, but she is thinking we may need to cancel.  We'll see.

I am very thankful for this day or so at home, even if I am working.  Stuff down at the beach is VERY stressful.  I don't want to go into too many details, but there was a very bad fight between my stepbrother and everyone else (my son, his grandpa & grandpa's wife).  It was very ugly.  The boy was counting on his uncle to help him move stuff and now that isn't an option.

I definitely got off track.  I'm doing MUCH better, still not where I want to be, but much, much better.

Even though I am right here by the fridge, the mental break outweighs that.  I don't feel particularly tempted by the proximity of food.  Right now wanting to feel good, to feel the way I do when I'm exercising & sleeping well & eating right FAR outweighs the taste of anything that might be in the fridge.

Take care & have a wonderful day!

Preparing for snowmageddonapocolyse

Here's the thing:  snow in the south works a little like dog years.  So, 3 inches in NC = 3 feet in Boston. :-)

It's not that we're wussies who can't drive in the snow, although no we don't have a lot of experience driving in the snow.  That's like me calling someone stupid if they can't speak Russian.  That's probably not a skill a lot of folks use. Same thing.

Also, we simply don't have all the plows & stuff - it doesn't make fiscal sense.  We have some of course, but not many.

And lastly and the main point: we rarely get pure snow.  It's usually mixed with sleet or freezing rain.  Sometimes we just get straight up ice.  This is snow & sleet that we're getting now.  So I'm working at home in PJs tomorrow.  Woo hoo!

I am going to do a workout video here at the house tonight.  Dinner is in the oven and I'm already in my fleecies - I'll switch to workout clothes when we do a video.

Have a good evening!

Preparing for a storm

Good morning!

I hope you are having a nice weekend.  Mine is going well.  Yesterday I was very busy with food prep.  Today I am doing laundry and some sewing on my son's curtains.

Speaking of which, my son is coming up today to spend a few days here.

We are supposed to have a winter storm Monday night and Tuesday.  We really haven't had much of anything yet, so I am looking forward to it.  We frequently get sleet or freezing rain rather than snow.  I'm hoping for some pretty snow.  Inclement weather is the only reason we can work from home, and I am looking forward to a couple of snowbound days at home with my family - even if I am working!

Still lots of stress, but I've pretty well pulled out of my overwhelmed funk.

My month of yoga is up.  I've enjoyed it, but I think yoga is something I want to do a couple of times per week.  I've missed swimming and even the elliptical! :-)

So anyway, that's what going on with me.

Take care, have a great rest of the weekend!

Have a nice day!

Back tomorrow!

On the mend

Just a quick note.  It was a good day.  Got a nap, and I was feeling better after that.  Took care of the laundry, checkbook, paid a couple of bills.  Took a nice walk in the park and worked on the curtains for my son's boat.

Tonight I am playing around with making pincushions, like this:

I feel much, much better.

Take care!

Taking it back

When you wake up at 2 AM and are awake until 5 AM stressed about your stress?  Something's gotta give.

Our son has to move by the end of the month - so there's a lot of logistics to work out around that.  And MIL is manufacturing drama, for which I have zero tolerance.

Work is crazy - I had 9 meetings yesterday.  I have more to do than I have time.  So I'm trying to manage that.

So yeah, Sunday I went to the grocery for treats.  I went to the cross fit gym Monday evening to check it out, then came home & had snacks.  I still packed my healthy food for work, and have every day.  But snacks Monday and more snacks Tuesday evening.  I didn't even want what I was eating, I just wanted my stress to go away.

That's when I got on here and posted.  Because somehow sharing it makes the food less powerful.

I called in sick today.  I didn't sleep well and I have a lousy headache.  I ate my normal breakfast that I would have packed for work (baked swai and zucchini).

My plan for today is to take care of myself.  Eat my healthy foods, go to yoga later, and just futz around the house doing a few low key things (like put away my laundry). Things that will help me feel more in control of my life. 

Be well, and take care of yourself!  I will too. :-)  And a special thanks to Gwen.  I stopped.

Whats been going on

This is where I've been since Monday evening:

It's not an utter disaster.  Still packing healthy food.  Still getting on the scale daily.  But evenings are the wild wild west.

I'm working on it.  Right now I'm just wiped.

Back

Got home at midnight.  No yoga for me.  Doing food prep before my sewing get together this afternoon. 

Going to the beach

I am busy getting my stuff together.  I am working a half day tomorrow and then we are going to the beach (Wilmington) to visit our son and have dinner with friends.  I am taking my sewing machine to work on curtains for the boat.

My son lives on the Cape Fear river in downtown Wilmington.

I leave you with this thought. :-)

I am NOT taking my computer, so don't expect to hear from me until Sunday!

Short & sweet

I'm tired, so I'm keeping this short.  Dinner was nice, stuck to my plan.  My friend ordered a really great beer (local, well, from Asheville).  I had a sip, but didn't order my own.

Too much to do tomorrow evening.  Ugh! Workout, pack, plan meals & make grocery list, and shower post yoga of course!  It was terrific to see my friend K, but there is a reason I don't normally do social stuff during the week.

I guess that sounds kinda bad - I do enjoy being social.  I just really like my routines and right now I'm in such a good groove with working out that taking a night off (like tonight) makes me feel "off".  I know I need to get over that - being flexible is a good thing.  I'm just not naturally inclined that way - I thrive on structure and routine.  Hey - I'm a mathematician! :-)

I will leave you with this funny:

Improvement!

Tonight I went to Bikram yoga.  I cannot believe how much progress I've made in terms of my flexibility in the 2.5 weeks I've been going.  It's seriously amazing!

Food was fine today.  The usual that I eat every day.  I had a slice of cheese when I got home (before yoga).  I made what I call "eggplant lasagna" - I use baked eggplant in place of lasagna noodles.  It makes it healthier and I really like it.  That was dinner.

Tomorrow night I am meeting a friend for dinner at a bbq place.  My plan is catfish, collards, and brunswick stew. 

Okay, I need a shower.  Have a nice evening!

The Superbowl report

Weight was the same today.  Superbowl strategy success!

I had to work late today.  After work I came home, ate, went to JoAnn (I wanted to pick up a few supplies for my new craft projects).  Came home, did a kettlebell workout here at the house, and now I'm checking in! :-)

Food was good today!

I have to work late 3 days this week.  That's nice because I am leaving work at lunch Friday to go to the beach, but it makes my evenings short on time.  But I plan to work out every night.

Anyway, I'm off to pack tomorrow's food and put away yesterday's clean laundry.  Take care!

I'm so proud of me!

I went to a house concert at a friend's place last night. Excellent food, beer, open bar, dessert, etc etc.  I ate a healthy meal (chicken, pot roast, green beans) and drank water.  Skipped the rich soup, dessert, and booze.  Yay me!

Weight today was the same.  I am getting ready to go to yoga.  Today's plan is yoga, then going to the antique store with my mom, then sewing.  I am going to watch the Superbowl.  I have 3 homemade jalapeno poppers in the fridge.  These are cheese stuffed in a half jalapeno wrapped with bacon.  So yummy, and no bread or sugar involved.  No beer.

I am making curtains for my son's boat.  His birthday is the 28th, and I would like to have them finished for his birthday.  So I am going to start working on them if not today, then next weekend.  Our local medieval group is having a sewing get together the next 2 Sunday afternoons, and have reserved a big room at the university.  So I plan to get with friends and work on curtains while they are all working on viking!  I have a lot of viking costumes - it's one of my favorite medieval periods to wear.  Even women got practical, comfy clothes back then! :-)  But I don't need any more, so curtains for me! Ha ha.

Hope you all enjoy your day!

Focus!

"I can control now... I can decide to try and keep trying..now. And worry about the rest later...except my little trick is.. There is no later. Later never comes. It's always now. So concern yourself with now...and let later take care of itself." - http://chrislivessimple.blogspot.com/

My goal for January was to lose 5 pounds, except I didn't.  I lost a little over 2.  I am pretty disappointed with myself.  I'm not tall and I don't have LOADS of weight to lose, so little slip-ups translate to no results.  I have to stay focused.  Well, this month I haven't.

Sure, I've done lots of things right, but clearly lots of things have been... not right.  I;m not going to make excuses, and I am moving in the right direction.  But 2 pounds per month is ridiculous.

Okay, January is over.  February is a shorter month, but let's go team February and take January to school on how this weight loss thing gets done! *lol*

I am now going to shut up and go to the gym.

Have a good day!

Ugh

Dear God today was insane.  I know that not everyone understands math.  I get that.  But please don't give important spreadsheets full of calculations to those people.  Hours later, my boss was left with a year's worth of corrected data. Going to bed now.

What's it all for?

A comment Gwen left this morning about the pic I posted wanted to me explain where I was coming from when I posted it.

As I get older, more and more I think about things like "what is important to me?" and "what difference will I make"?

I don't plan to be buried, but if I were to have a gravestone, I wouldn't want it to say "she got to yoga consistently".

Health is important, VERY important, but only insofar as it allows us to do the things that matter to us.  Maybe that's playing with your kids or grand-kids, or your volunteering, or the small business you run, or your church.  Whatever your priorities are, I hope you are alive & well and able to contribute to that in a meaningful way for as long as possible.

I want that for me too!  And as I get older, I'm less and less inclined to "spend" my time and energy on things that aren't really important.  Don't get me wrong, I still watch tv and sports.  I'm not saying every second has to be spent doing something of earth shattering importance.  But I don't want to look back and regret that I got so caught up in the lives of the Kardashians that I don't feel like I made much of a difference.

Wow.  Deep thoughts!  But that's where I'm coming from.  Take care of yourself so you can get the most out of your life.  As far as I know, we only get one. :-)

The scale was down another 2.2 pounds.  So I'm still up half a pound from the low I got to a couple of  weeks ago, but firmly moving in the right direction again.  January isn't going to be a spectacular month, but I'm trying to focus on the individual choices and trust that as long as I am moving in the right direction, I'm doing well!

Okay, eating dinner then off to the gym!  Maybe some tv watching later - we are watching season 1 of "Eureka".  Be well! :-)

Quick post

Just a quick note to say hi - I totally forgot to post anything last night!

I'm fine.  I'd like to leave you with this thought today.  Make it a good one! :-)

Good Eats

So first off, scale was down a pound and a half.  All in all, January isn't going to be very impressive weight loss wise.  I remind myself that I am doing a lot of internal work, and every time I trip and recover quickly, I set myself up for better success going forward.

In a shocking development, did you know that if you skip the glass (or two) of wine before bed, you will sleep better.  I know, right!?!?  Shocking!!!  Perhaps this lesson will sink in.  At least I (re) learned it more quickly this time.  I slept great last night.

For me, I've spent so long being out of touch with my feelings, that identifying them and them categorizing into things that should be addressed and acted on v. things that just need to be felt - well, it's a challenge.

Yesterday I did food prep:

Breakfast is baked fish (I did a couple of pieces of swai and a couple of pieces of salmon, I'm eating a bit of each every day), roasted tomatoes, and zucchini.

Lunch is homemade salisbury steak and broccoli.

Tonight's dinner was chicken barbeque done in the crock pot with homemade bbq sauce, baked fries, and salad.

I went to yoga today.

Have a good evening!

Pulling out of the face plant

I've been firmly face planted in food since Thursday.  Friday the scale hadn't budged, Saturday I didn't get on it, and this morning it was up 2.6 pounds.  More than that, I feel like crap.

So there's that.

Yeah.  Well I got up this morning and decided enough is enough.  I prepped my food for the week, ate healthy meals, and drove to Raleigh for my private lesson with a kettlebell instructor.  I really liked him and the lesson was great!

It's so easy to slide back into it when you are vulnerable.  I realized that while I had good intentions with my 30 in 30 yoga challenge, I was placing a huge amount of pressure on myself to go from no yoga to that.  And I have really been wanting to go to the Tuesday get together where people work on craft projects.  And I miss the Y.

So I decided to take a step back.  I'm committed to yoga 3-4 days a week, but I need to mix some other stuff in - including one night that's a quick elliptical session so I can go and get my craft on!  I need a creative outlet, and I need social interaction outside of work.

I'm not perfect, but what is the point of this blog if I'm not honest?  I'm human.  It happens.  And sometimes something sounds like a great idea until you get into it and realize it isn't. 

I'm in a much better place tonight than I was this time 3 days ago.

Thanks for listening.  be well.

A collision of many things

This week a bunch of things collided, creating a "perfect storm" of emotion.

Work was very stressful.  We are hired to 18 month contracts.  One of the ladies is leaving and I am taking over several of her responsibilities.  So I am learning several new things, plus managing my own projects.

Our family friend and the out of the blue, still lots of unknowns cancer.  They don't know where all it is.  They do know what type - it doesn't respond to chemo.  They think it's probably in his brain, so it sounds like he doesn't have a lot of time.

The weather has been miserable.

A lot of things that have been weighing on me - circumstances over which I don't necessarily have a lot of control.  This has been going on in the background since I moved in to my mom's last April.  Some things you just have to accept as imperfect, and recognize they aren't permanent.

And I realized that for quite some time, I haven't had anything that really feeds my soul.  All my hobbies are literally packed away in my storage unit.  This morning I just sat and cried and cried. I told my mom that there wasn't anything in my day to day life that really gives me joy and feeds my creative spirit.  And I've been living like this for months.  it's living, but I'd hardly call it thriving. 

It's easy to see why people turn to food when they don't have anything else.  It can be cheap, easy to obtain, legal, and satisfying.

I enjoy working out, but that doesn't really feel creative.  I love to sew, do embroidery and viking wire weaving, make jewelry, but all that stuff is in storage.  I need some space and I need my husband to go to the storage unit and find some of my things.  That place is so crazy - I could never find anything in there.

Anyway, mom is going to make some room in the guest room so I can bring some of my stuff.  I'm trying to find solutions, but sometimes when you are down it's difficult to identify the issue.  And until you do that, you can't find a solution, you know?

I may whine here, but you won't find me wallowing.  That's not who I am.

Have a good day! 

A dear family friend has cancer. It's one of those: we went to find out why your back is hurting and there's a spot, and oh cancer, no idea what kind/ where it is/ how to treat it....

Work has been bananas, my weight hasn't budged (on the plus, I haven't gained. And I'll be honest, there has been a bit of sub optimal eating.  No excuses - I'm not perfect, but I am honest.).  It's just been one of those weeks.  You can't have peaks if you don't have valleys.  

 Yeah, this week is done, or I'm done with this week. Stick a fork in me.

I've had 2 night of crappy sleep, so tonight my plan is to relax, eat healthy food, and try to get caught up on my sleep.  In short: Take care of myself!

Take care and be well my friends. 

My streak ended today

I'm tired and I worked late, and had a rough day at work.  I decided to take the night off yoga.  That's all I got.

More yoga

Day 5 of Bikram yoga done.  I can tell a definite improvement in my postures.  Progress is happening!

Work is very busy.  I didn't know what was happening for dinner - mom was coming home from the coast and I had nothing planned.  Or if I did, I'd forgotten!  Anyway, we went to Jason's deli.  I had a cup of french onion soup and a salad bar.  So, a healthy dinner.  Then yoga.

I'm cooling down now, I will probably eat half an avocado after.  Did you know it has more potassium than bananas?  It makes a fantastic, perfect, post yoga snack.

Tomorrow I am making the Asian salmon bowl again.

Have a good evening (what's left of it!)

Day 4 in the books

Whew!  Tonight's class was easier, physically and even a little easier mentally! I am noticing a difference in my flexibility.  The heat is still a struggle -- but it's more of a mental obstacle than a physical one.

I am proud of myself for sticking with this.  This Sunday I am (finally) meeting with the Russian Kettlebell Certified (RKC) instructor over in Raleigh.  I emailed and asked if we could meet at 3 so I would have time to go to yoga beforehand.  If not, that's okay.  But I'd like to not miss the day if possible!

This week's food:

Breakfast - greek style meatloaf with cucumbers and tomatoes
AM snack - baked butternut squash
Lunch - grilled chicken and roasted green beans
afternoon snack - 2 clementines and 12 almonds
pre yoga snack - banana

Dinner tonight was a cup of ground turkey chili and half an avocado.

Have a good evening!

Blond ambition

When I purchased 30 day passes for husband and myself at the local Bikram yoga studio, my goal was simple: go as many days as possible.  Why?  Well, part of it is that I am frugal - I want to get my money's worth! :-)  But more importantly, I wanted to see what kind of difference a consistent 30 days of an intense yoga practice could make in my life.

Over the years, I've tried yoga many, many times.  My flexibility and balance are both pretty bad, so I know a regular yoga practice would make a difference.  I've even managed to go fairly regularly for a while several times, but I never stay with it.  So this time I decided to take an "all in" approach and see what happens.

I tell you what: Bikram is hard.  Tonight was tough - I was really feeling the heat.  But today as yesterday I stayed in the room and attempted every pose!

Hub took MIL home Saturday night, I am here alone dog sitting while my mom is enjoying a stretch of warm weather down at the beach with my son.  She's having a great time and I'm glad!  You wouldn't think a 19 year old would be glad to have his grandma come stay a few days, but they are very close.  I'm so glad she can go visit since I have to work.

I had today off, so I spent some time online looking at job web sites.  I also have a meeting with a recruiter later in the week.  So, I am doing what I can to make forward progress in that area of my life.  I have 10 months left on my contract, so I have time, but you never know what's out there unless you look!

Have a good evening!

Feelings, whoa who whoa

So, hub left for work this morning.  I'm alone for the next couple of days and off work.  I'm thankful for the break and glad for the time alone.  I saw a lot of good friends yesterday afternoon, but instead of satisfying my need to socialize, it left me wanting more!

Today the scale was the same. I went to my second Bikram class.  Physically it was easier, mentally tougher.  But I did it!

This afternoon I am having homemade baked jalapeno poppers (jalapeno stuffed with cheese, wrapped in bacon) for lunch while watching the Packers.

So, feeling a bit lonely (which is odd, I enjoy my time alone!).  But that's okay - feelings are okay.  They don't have to be "fixed".

Have a good day!

I'm so hot! :-)

First off, that random pound left, and took half a friend with it!  Woot!!  Scale vagaries. :-)

Dropped my car off to get a sensor fix, did hub's food prep for the week, and then we went to our first Bikram yoga class!  90 minutes in a 105 degree room, 26 poses (each done twice).  My goal for today was a simple one: don't leave the room.  I didn't do every pose, there were some I had to sit out.  That's okay. I did the best I could and I stayed in the room.  I am proud of myself, because honestly?  I was scared.

There were people in there that looked like they should be on the cover of "Yoga Journal" magazine.  Beautiful, great yoga, etc.  And then there's chubby, inflexible me.  But I went and I did it and I gave it my best.  And I plan to do the same tomorrow.

I may not write about them all the time, but I certainly do suffer from insecurities.  They have improved with age, but since I regained weight they have tried to creep back.  I'm working on it.

The other thing I'm working on is just letting my feelings be there.  Like yesterday, I was sad.  And then when I got home no one had thawed the fish, so I felt like I couldn't make dinner.  My husband offered to go pick up pizza and beer.  The old me would've jumped at the excuse of no thawed chicken - especially how I was feeling.

Instead he picked up a rotisserie chicken from the grocery and potato salad.  I cooked some broccoli.  not the healthiest meal, but a lot better than pizza and beer.

Okay, off to hang out with friends.  Have a good day!

A short report

So, scale was up a pound this morning.  The only thing I did differently was to have a bowl of tomato soup for snack yesterday.  So maybe salt was the culprit?  Who knows, not worrying.  When you weigh every day, little fluctuations don't seem to cause a defcon 4 leverl freakout any more.  Who knew????

MIL is here for a few days since she can't drive.  Calgon, take me away.

I know I sound like a bitch, she isn't a mean person, just a selfish, self absorbed, and therefore inconsiderate one.  With no social skills.  Who seems to have been raised by feral yeti.  Okay, I better stop before I get struck by lightening or something.

I had a case of the sads today.  Sometimes they hit, you know?  There are things in my life I'm not super happy with, but they are what they are.  I'm not very good at the whole Buddhist accept things as they are schtick.  I'm better at "must fix NOW" mentality.  Which isn't always appropriate.  So there you go.

Off to make the salmon dinner again, then heading to the gym.

Did I mention that when you walk on the indoor track (2nd story), it overlooks a Hardees with a big sign out front: Bacon velveeta double patty meltdown or some such.  Kinda funny.

Have a good one!

Are pendulum's balanced?

Sometimes I wish I were better at balance.  I think of myself as more of an "all in" type person.  When I get into something, I'm really into it, you know?  I don't necessarily feel the need to master it, I just really get into it for a while.

I've realized that my way of maintaining balance is by doing things sequentially rather than concurrently.  I think this plays into the concept of "You can have it all, just not all at once."  Large scale priorities (work v. family) - yeah, those need to be in balance all the time.  But hobbies, fitness activities?  Yeah, you can't enjoy them all at once.  You have to prioritize, enjoy each in its season.

People talk about balance, especially as they are making resolutions this time of year.  But balance isn't a once size fits all.  Figure out what style of balance works for you and let that be good enough.

Weight was the same today.  Food - the same.  Dinner was baked fish, baked fries, and veggies.  Hub is home, so we went to the gym and walked on the indoor track.

MIL is still here.  She planned to be here 3-4 days.  She brought 2 bottles of fat free creamer, a gallon of milk, and 2 boxes of orange dreamcicles.  Yeah, two boxes of ice cream for a (max) 4 day visit. See?  Swimming in the river - De Nile.

Alright, gotta go make my shopping list!

Morning treat

At new job, contractors can only work from home when we have inclement weather.  We had some freezing rain and schools were on a delay (or cancelled).  I totally took advantage and worked from home.  That way I only missed a couple of hours, as opposed to missing half a day due to a dental appointment.  Yay!

This morning's breakfast was a total treat: leftover spaghetti! And by spaghetti, I mean zucchini noodles with marinara and meatballs.  That was one of my favorite breakfasts in college, and it was nice to enjoy it again today!

Not everyone in the house eats the way I do, so sometimes I may make dinners that have no grains, other nights I may make pasta or brown rice on the side (like I did last night).  Mom had both types of noodles (zucchini and pasta), MIL had pasta.  And I really enjoy finding recipes or meal ideas that hit the flavor notes I enjoy.  And I'm good enough in the kitchen that adapting recipes to suit my way of eating (marinara with no added sugar for example) is pretty easy.

The cough syrup helped tremendously last night!  I still coughed a little, but it was so much better!

Oh, scale was the same again today.  I don't generally lose 2 days in a row, so I thought yesterday might be a fluke, so I was happy to see no change this morning! :-)

I tried a new class at the Y tonight, called "Pound" described as "Fat-burning cardio, lean sculpted muscles, and interval training while rocking out a workout using Ripstix."  Those would be drum sticks.  It was fun, a little too jumpy and twisty for me though.  Not to mention requiring way more coordination that I possess!
 :-)

My (former) trainer was in the class (she told me about it), so we got to catch up a bit.  It was nice to change it up!  Talked to the husband, definitely starting yoga this weekend!

So, my MIL had her eye surgery today and is now over here, recovering.  She seems okay, but she has a giant patch on, and of course her eye hurts.  People: take care of yourself.  Diabetes and the damages blood sugar causes to your body is no joke!

Have a nice evening!

How many calories are in cough drops?

Ugh, I still have this darn cough!  I was up from 2 to 4:30 in the middle of the night, unable to sleep due to coughing.  I have nighttime cough syrup for tonight.

Down another pound this morning.  What???

Tonight's dinner was homemade turkey meatballs, homemade marinara, and zucchini noodles.  I also made some regular spaghetti noodles, which is what MIL ate.  You know she has Celiac's and is always going on about eating gluten free.  Until she woofs down a plate of pasta.  Whatever.

Went to the gym again tonight for 30 minutes on the elliptical.  Spin class was just too early for me to make it there.  Oh well.

They are calling for freezing rain tomorrow morning, so I may actually get to work from home!  Woot!  I also have a dentist appointment.

Alright, have a good evening!

On track

So, scale was down a pound this morning.  Woot! :-)

The salmon recipe last night was really good!  I got it off skinnytaste.com.  I like checking out a variety of web sites for meal ideas.  Skinnytaste is "healthy eating" site.  This particular recipe: http://www.skinnytaste.com/2015/01/seattle-asian-salmon-bowl.html had brown rice in it.  I didn't want to eat the rice so I served it over braised bok choy.  It was like eating a bowl of sushi. YUM! :-)

Tonight I had some Mexican flavored sauteed chicken and sauteed greens.  It was okay - filling and quick to heat up (I made it yesterday morning).  Sometimes I want something really special, sometimes quick and easy is perfectly fine.

It's cold and rainy here, but not bitterly cold, so that's an improvement.

I went to the gym this evening and did 30 minutes on the elliptical again.  The gym was packed!

Anyway, that's about all I got.  Have a good evening!

Exercise plans and food

So, cooking is all done for the week!

I grew up in the South and I happen to like a lot of southern foods.  I'm perfectly content to use any sort of greens (turnip, collard) in recipes in place of spinach.  Kale may be a darling, but all greens are good to me.  Which is why I put turnip greens into my "gyro" meat I made for the hub and I for breakfasts this week.

It's a recipe I riffed from Rachel Ray years ago.  I use ground turkey (or a lamb & turkey combo) with spices, feta, and spinach.  It does have a nice gyro kinda flavor.  I cut up red onion, tomato, and cucumber and cover it with that,.  Sometimes I make some tsaziki sauce to go on top, but I think it makes a great breakfast - reheats well, great flavor, and lots of veggies.

Oh, and for the record: chicken and waffles is NOT southern!  Paula Deen and hipsters give southern food a bad name.

I went to the gym today and had a wonderful workout!  30 hard minutes on the elliptical.  It felt great to be back!

Blocks of workouts I'm thinking about doing in the near future: 30 days of Bikram yoga (up next!), then I'm thinking of doing the Skogg kettlebell program (available at amazon) to get me through the lousy winter.  At some point when the weather improves, I would like to do a month of 5Ks every day.  The park near me is beautiful and 2 laps is almost exactly a 5K.  So it's easy!  After that, who knows! :-)

Anyway, the idea is to to create blocks of different workout ideas.  It will keep me motivated by changing it up and each segment will be its own little challenge.

So, food for the week: breakfast is gyros (no bread), AM snack is yogurt (as I wrap up my antibiotics), lunch is baked chicken and roasted broccoli, afternoon snack is clementines and almonds.  Dinners are varied, but tonight is a new Asian salmon recipe with sauteed baby bok choy.  

I am watching football and need to do some laundry.  Other than that, just relaxing!

MIL has her eye surgery Wednesday.  No idea what that entails or what the recovery is.  :-O  Yeah, typical.

Anyway, enjoy what's left of the weekend! :-)
  

Time Flies

Wow - I had no idea I hadn't posted since Wednesday!  Time flies.

Things are fine - work, coming home & watching tv, relaxing. Thursday evening I worked on the meal plan and grocery list.  Shopping is done so that food prep can start today.

I am up half a pound this week - eh, whatever.  No exercise in 2 weeks, eating what I could swallow and tasted good (canned tomato soup!), etc.  Not a big deal at all.  This is life, there is no expiration or end date.  Well, there is, but not an end to eating or exercising until the actual end! :-O

Today I am having a can of tuna for breakfast and lunch - oh, and a couple of prunes for medicinal purposes.  So hopefully that will help get me back on the path.  

It is so cold here that I can't use the fridge on the outside back patio - the food inside it froze.  If you eat a lot of produce, having two refrigerators is very helpful!  So that's a bummer and another reason I can't wait for it to warm up!

I was thinking about starting my month of yoga tomorrow, but I've changed my mind. The whole point was to find something my husband would enjoy and for us to do it together.  Since he is sick, I decided to wait until he is better and can go with me.  I will start back at the Y tomorrow until he is better.

In a shocking development, my MIL actually signed a will!!!  She tried to back out, but hub actually convinced her to sign it!  Please understand, this isn't greed at all.  She doesn't have any money, and not a lot of possessions.  If she left it all to the Humane Society (or whatever!), that would be fine.  We just wanted her to sign a will so that when she dies, we weren't faced with the my husband and brother having to deal with their abusive stepfather.  She hasn't seen the man in over 20 years, but as her spouse not only would he have gotten everything, but he would have had to settle her affairs.  He lives out of state, so what a horrible situation that would have been!

Family can be great, it can also be hard.  And it's frequently weird. :-) 

I hope you have a great weekend!

Cold & colder

Like many places in the US, it was cold this morning, colder this afternoon, and even colder this evening.  Living in NC, it's not nearly as cold as it is many places.  But yeah, I really don't like cold!

Not too much to report.  I'm still sick and feeling fairly raggedy.  My evening activity is movie watching, but today I actually though to to myself "Yeah, I've turned the corner." 

So that's good.

My mom is headed to the coast for a couple of days to visit with my son.  It's cold there too, and it's hard on a boat with the wind on the river.  But MIL is having her eye surgery next week (pre op Monday, surgery Wednesday), and my mom is driving her/taking care of her after the surgery.  So mom wants to head on to the coast for a visit.

MIL has no clue what the surgery entails or what the recovery is like.  It's impossible to know if they didn't say or she doesn't remember. As near we we can tell (and it's hard to know since my MIL is the reigning queen of selective hearing/ remembering), her short term memory seems to be crap.  My husband is pushing her to sign a will before the surgery.  She's older and not in good health, really everyone should have a will anyway, and also she is still married to my husband's stepdad that she hasn't seen in over 20 years.  (Why?  Who knows!?!?) Anyway, hub's told her some stuff about the will twice, and so has my mom, and she still can't (doesn't want to?) remember.

I think I mentioned that she has a hole in her macular (part of the eye), but swears that a decade plus of poorly managed diabetes has nothing to do with it. Take care of yourself because I can't tell you how many people I have worked with over the years that started having serious health issues in their 50s.  It's like all of a sudden, years of bad habits caught up with them.  My MIL is a prime example.

Anyway, my plan for the evening is to watch "The Hundred Foot Journey."

Take care!

Goals, and an article I read today

First of all, I read an interesting article today on "healthy obesity":

http://www.forbes.com/sites/alicegwalton/2015/01/06/is-healthy-obesity-a-real-thing-not-likely-study-says/

This confirms something that I've noticed anecdotally may be the statistical reality:  You can be obese and healthy for a while, but as you age, you are likely to become more unhealthy.  Fat and fit seems to work okay in your 20s and 30s, but as folks head into later life, it's like their bad habits start to catch up with them.  Now, that isn't true for everyone.  But I think it reinforces the idea that trying to get to a healthier weight by improving your eating and exercise habits is a worthwhile goal.

I am still sick.  Today I managed to spend a whole day at work AND felt a tiny spark of energy for a short period of time.  Needless to say, not exercising.

I have 3 goals for 2015:

1. Find a full time job
2. Sell house in Fla and buy a house in NC
3. Achieve a healthy weight and lifestyle  

Let's talk about number 3 for a minute.  I made a good start this year.  I intentionally focused more on establishing habits and figuring out what worked, rather than trying to just drop weight as quickly as possible.

Let's take a quick look at a chart:

Sep - down 4 pounds
Oct - down 3.8
Nov - down 1.4
Dec - down 5.0
Lost some easy weight, had to really tweak and figure it out, then started losing again.

I'm breaking down the year into fitness blocks, not necessarily of the same length.  Block 1 is 30 days of Bikram yoga.  I know I'm not starting on the 1st, so what?  I'll start when I'm well.

I'll be doing a Whole 30 at the same time.

Once I am feeling better I'll set a start date and let you know.

Here's the important part:  Have a plan.  Stick to it.  Tweak what isn't working.  My plan is to break this down into blocks, change it up to make each block a sort of mini challenge and keep it interesting.  At the end of the year, I plan to be fit and my goal weight.

Take care!

I can't believe I have to go to work tomorrow....

Well, I'm still sick.  Thanks to codeine cough syrup and Chloraseptic, my throat no longer feels like I've been drinking razor blades.  My energy is non-existent.  Yesterday I took 4 naps, and I've already had one today.

I need to get my food together.  My plan is to go in to work tomorrow and see how it goes.

Food hasn't been an issue - I have no appetite.  I'm drinking plenty of fluids.  I'll get back to the gym when I feel ready.

As you can imagine, the new yoga practice is on hold, as is everything.  I'll get back to it when my energy is back.  For right now I'm not pushing it.  Getting better and going to work are the priorities.

Take care!

Another quick update

Good morning.

I went to work yesterday for exactly an hour.  Gah.  I was at the doctors for 3 hours.  They place looked like a flash mob of the worst kind. ;-)

Like I said, I don't have the flu.  But this is the worst cold I've ever had. My throat feels like I've been gargling razor blades.  I'm on an antibiotic (thankfully, I rarely take these), cough syrup with codeine, and a nasal spray.  I'm also using chloraseptic to keep my throat numbed up, and my neti pot to help keep my sinuses clear.  Mostly, I'm reading, napping, and whining. :-)

My husband was supposed to go to his one a month D&D game (I married a geek, then so am I....), but I told him I needed him to stay at home and take care of me. 2015: the year I let people know what I need,

Take care.  

Sick

I went to the doctor, I don't have the flu, but I feel bad enough that I went and had the test done.  I'm on 3 types of medicines.  Ugh.

Back when I feel better.

Will this cold never end?

I took a 2 hour nap.  I'm having tomato soup and hot tea.  I have to go to work tomorrow.  Ugh!