Life’s too short to eat canned soup

Good workout yesterday. I hit the gym after work yesterday, got up this morning to walk, and yesterday’s calories clocked in around 1300 – nearly all quality food. I am starting to feel human again.

For the curious:

Set 1:
Squats: 50/12 x 3
Walking lunges: 20 dbs/12 each leg x 3
Set 2:
Db row: 40/10, 35/12 x 2
Chest press: 30/10 , 25/15 x 2
Set 3:
Roman chair: 15 x 2
Low back hyper ext: 15 x 2

Saturday:

Set 1:
Db row: 35/12 x 3
Chest press: 30/12 x 3
Set 2:
Shoulder press: 20/12 x 3
Calf raises: 40/15 x3
Set 3:
Bi curl: 20/12 x 3
Tri overhead ext: 30/12 x 3

Wednesday I plan to put it all together and do a total body workout.

Food yesterday:
Breakfast: egg & beef chorizo burrito with cheese & salsa: just under 300
Snack: string cheese & baby carrots: 85
Lunch: Lean Cuisine & side salad : 320
Snack: 100 calorie pack of peanut butter cookies: 100
Snack: apple & string cheese: around 100 (it was a small apple)
Dinner: soup & half a sandwich: around 250-300, it was homemade bread so not positive
Miller Lite: 95 calories

Why today’s title?

I don’t like to eat junk just because it’s low cal or I know the calories, and I’d rather put effort into making something tasty rather than eating crap. Some canned soups aren’t bad, but a lot are pretty sad. When I sat down last night to my half a sandwich on toasted homemade sourdough and a hot bowl of homemade soup from the crockpot, I realized that a hot bowl of soup feeds your body and soul. So I thought I’d share a couple of easy, inexpensive soup recipes. These are perfect for this time of year, and they are both in the crockpot. I use my crockpot every Monday and Wednesday (tae kwon do nights) – without it I don’t know what we would eat…..

Indian Vegetable Soup

(Notes: This is what I made last night. It’s excellent. I added a couple of diced boneless skinless chicken breasts to make it a bit more substantial. It’s called Indian, but you won’t really taste the curry. This is a very mild but yummy soup).

1 eggplant, chunked
5 or 6 small red skin potatoes, also chunked (about a pound or so)
1 14.5 oz can diced tomatoes
1 can garbanzo beans, drained
1.5 teaspoons coriander
1 teaspoon curry powder
black pepper
chicken broth to cover (Probably about 5 cups)
fresh chopped cilantro

All ingredients except cilantro into crock on low for 8 hours. Garnish with some cilantro as you serve – this is what gives the soup its special flavor! Salt & pepper to taste.

Chicken & Rice Stew

(Notes: Don’t add extra rosemary – a little goes a long way! I will use boneless skinless thighs next time – the breasts were a little mild for this flavorful thick stew.)

8 oz sliced mushrooms (you can chop a bit more if you want)
2 medium carrots – or enough baby to make 1 cup
3 or 4 stalks diced celery
2 leeks, sliced
½ c uncooked brown rice
½ c uncooked wild rice
3 or 4 boneless skinless chicken breasts, diced
½ teaspoon dried rosemary
1 teaspoon dried thyme
¼ teaspoon pepper
5 cups chicken broth
1 can condensed cream of mushroom soup

Put it in the crock on low for 8 hours. Yum!

Have a good day!

Did anyone get the license plate of the truck that ran me over?

In case it hasn’t been totally obvious, I’ve really been majorly down for the past week and a half. I am beginning to feel better, but it’s sort of like that feeling after you’ve been really sick – you feel better, but still a little uncertain. That’s where I am.

I lifted weights – hard – at the gym Saturday. As in “ooh my head is woozy” from lifting. That felt so good. Yesterday we went to the Renaissance Festival (“huzzah!”). The weather was great, and it was nice to be away from my life for a few hours.

Eating was better this weekend – I had a binge after an argument with my hubby. But other than that, I made a concerted effort to eat healthy food. I know that contributed to me feeling better.

Hopefully you will start reading about some fitness again on this blog!

TGIF

Not a very catchy title, but this week I really really mean it. I am pooped and seriously need some down time. I plan to color my hair & get my eyebrows waxed, work on my valences some, and try to chill.

We were planning to go to the Ren Faire Sunday, but it looks like there will be rain all weekend, so I think that will be postponed.

After work we are heading to the climbing gym so the boy can try it out. Then I plan to go home & crash!

Looks like hub has steady work for the next few weeks. We weren't sure, so that's a load off my mind.

What else? Hitting the gym tomorrow. I have a couple of ideas for the weekend, but I will tell you about them Monday. :-) Have a good one.

Is it Friday yet????

Can I just say that this has been the worst TOM ever and that I have been living on Motrin, beer, and hot chocolate this week? Ugh.

We will return you to your regularly scheduled chubby fitness fanatic next week. We better!

Tagged by Jack!

"I guess I must be a workout snob, because I don’t really feel like I “worked out” since I didn’t come back all sweaty."

There it is, the 5th sentence of my 23rd post, back in may of 2004. I was talking about my walk at lunch. I still don't count my 30 minute walk at lunch as exercise. It's for my mental health.

How about it, M & VJ?

Sleeping Weather

My windows are open, and what we have in NC right now is primo sleeping weather. The mornings are in the mid-40s, so there is a nice chill that makes you want to snuggle down just a little deeper into your blankies and clutch your doggie and husband even closer. Heaven.

After a couple of rather sleepless nights, last night felt wonderful. The down side of both the sleepless nights and the glorious coolness is that I haven't gotten up to walk. :-( Two days with no exercise does not make me feel (or look) my best. But the gym bag is packed my friends. I may get down, but never ever out.

Roller Coaster

It was a very emotional weekend. Nothing bad happened, I am just still processing through a lot of unpleasant family stuff. Sometimes its not big deal, and sometimes I get very emotional about it. I know that’s perfectly normal, but it’s still tough. I feel angry and hurt, and I deal with some of it. And when it gets to be too much I eat and turn it off for a bit. Sometimes I use “kitchen Prozac” – and when I do it with my eyes wide open, I try not to beat myself up about it after. I made a choice. Maybe someone else would have handled their emotions a different way, but I’m not someone else. I’m me. I had 2 episodes of intentional overeating this weekend. I also made healthy choices for many meals, and hit the gym for a solid workout Saturday morning. The gym is a habit again. And the “iron therapy” helps too.

I worked on my valences. I decided to make valences for my French doors in the living room and dining room, which adds four small valences to the 3 large ones. I got all my valences, lining, and tie-backs cut out. So that made me happy.

Friday our team from work did “team building”. We spent the morning at Urban Ministries, working in the food bank and soup kitchen. Then we had a nice lunch and spent the afternoon in a really excellent climbing gym climbing the walls! I had never done this before, and I will say I was a little worried. Have I mentioned I am scared of heights? We divided up into 2 groups of four, and I jumped right up and volunteered to go first in my group. My theory was that however slowly or uncertainly I did it, no one could say squat since they hadn’t tried! :-O Well, I loved it! They also do birthday parties, and I asked the boy if he would be interested. We are going back this Friday afternoon so he can give it a try. If he likes it, then we will book his birthday party there. Now that I am “certified”, I can go in any time, plop down my $15, put on the loaner gear & go. I may have discovered a new mental release. It’s hard to have angst when you are 40 feet in the air, clutched on to a wall by tiny little pieces of plastic! I can’t afford any more hobbies right now, but I would like to take a class eventually.

Sometimes I think I should be at goal weight by now. Then I realize that I have been dealing with the food issues at every weight I’ve ever been. In order to really change, I have to get at the root causes. I’ve proven I can stop eating & lose all the weight – I have. But I can’t stay there until I deal with why I overeat instead of just forcing myself to stop.

All this ugliness with my dad is my facing who & how he is and me choosing to stand up and speak for myself. If doing so alienates my sister (which it seems to have done), I still believe I have done the right thing. The older I get, the more clearly I realize that I am responsible for my wellbeing. If someone gets mad the moment I stop being a doormat, then they need to go find the door. I would never have said that 10 years ago. Only the most extreme of circumstances forced me to stand up to my dad then. Ten years ago, I would never have jumped up to be the first to climb a wall. I would have cowered in the back, dreading it. I am tired of dreading new things. I am tired of worrying what others think. I need to think about what I think.

And what if I don’t?

Last night I was leaving work to pick up the boy to deliver him to tae kwon do. I was tired. Mentally wiped by an afternoon of a lot of very detailed work. I knew I wasn’t going to the gym (that’s today this week) and dinner wasn’t anything too difficult – the turkey breast was in the crockpot, the squash casserole was made – just needed to be cooked, bake the acorn squash, and make some gravy. I was looking forward to the chance to go home & soak in the tub with a good book for a while.

Immediately my thoughts took an ugly turn. “Ooh – you have to stop by the grocery for green beans. You could get a bag of buffalo pretzels – they’re on sale. And a 22 oz beer to share with hubby. Better yet, get a 6 pack and that way you can have one in the tub with some buffalo pretzels before he gets home and then another later while watching tv.” Obviously, this kind of thinking is what got me overweight. So, all the way to picking up the boy, driving him to tae kwon do, and waiting while he changed, I had my fantasy. I drove to the grocery, parked the car, and thought “What if I don’t?”

I realized at that moment that while I was hungry, I didn’t need buffalo pretzels and beer to manage hunger. A slice of lunch meat & cheese rolled together would make a healthy and satisfying snack to tide me over. Yes, I did need to do something about the physical hunger (I am one of those people who must graze – I get faint pretty quickly if I don’t eat a little nibble every couple of hours), but I didn’t need food to fix the mental hunger.

I bought the green beans, went home & had my snack, and soaked in the tub with only a glass of diet pepsi. Wooziness solved, mental fatigue solved, no buffalo pretzels consumed.

I felt good about the choice I made, but it sucks that I am a person who has to deal with this kind of thinking almost daily. Constant vigilance is required to keep reminding myself there are other, better, more satisfying ways of filling the void inside my mind.

I guess it’s like a disease or “physical condition” in that it will likely never go away – it’s all about managing it to the best of my ability. I’ve been at this 4 years now. I was in denial about this little fact for a long time, but my truth is that I will have to manage these thoughts and feelings the rest of my life. That’s just who I am. And that’s okay, we all have our crosses to bear, as the old saying goes. I am glad I am no longer deluded into believing just losing the weight will make that kind of thinking go away – it never has before.

152.5 – down 1.5 from last week. Yay me!

Yesterday – walked 55 min in am, 30 minutes at lunch.
Today I slept in, but will walk 30 min at lunch and have my gym bag in the car. That will the third time lifting weights this week baby!

Pretty in Pink

Today I am wearing a pink sweater to match the pink and white mardi gras beads and pink bracelet I received when I came into work today. This is breast cancer awareness month, a subject very close to my heart. You see, the year began in January with my losing a friend to breast cancer, and it looks to end the same way. This is a symmetry I do not need.

So far this week:
Sat: weights lifting – 1 hr
Sun: walk 45 min
Mon: walk 55 min + 30 min at lunch + weights 1 hr
Tue: walk 55 min
Wed: walk 55 min (so far)

Food has been fine. I am a little down, but hanging in there.

One Year of Love

I was driving in to work this morning listening to the CD "A Kind of Magic" by Queen (the soundtrack for the movie "Highlander" btw). I recalled reading that Seal sang the song "One Year of Love" from the soundtrack at Freddy Mercury's funeral. Somehow that little fact reminded me that famous people are human too. I love that song. I love that movie. "Highlander" and "Blade Runner" are probably my 2 favorite movies of all time.

Oh, have I mentioned yet that I am a goddess? I ate most excellent food yesterday, in reasonable portions. Which always makes me feel great. I walked for 30 minutes at lunch. My lunch buddy is back from vacation, so I even had company. :-) After work, I stopped in my son's school and walked on the indoor track for 55 minutes. That's a lot of laps, so for a while I ducked in the "ab alcove" and did 10 crunches on the ball each time I passed that little alcove. I did 70 crunches, and it broke up the laps. Then I picked him up, dropped him at tae kwon do, and headed for the gym to lift weights.

Weight workout was hard! and felt terrific. I have noticed there is apparently an invisible line in the gym - the front half contains the cybex and cardio machines. The back half contains the free weights and hammer strength machines. I think there's a rule that says you must have a penis to cross the line, but no one told me and now they are too embarressed to mention the fact. It's the only reason I can figure that I've never seen another woman using the free weights. Also, I like the guy Paul that works there. Anybody that tunes the radio to a station that plays Kiss and the Scorpions is okay in my book, even if he looks like a pretty boy body builder.

Off to an all day class - pray that I stay awake!

Oops, outta weekend

Food: Okay except Sunday afternoon. (Do I sound like a broken record?)

Exercise: Excellent! Went back to my "Body Sculpting Bible for Women" weight routine. My legs are sore, but it was the best weights workout I've had in ages. I got up and walked yesterday morning, I guess I'm not exactly wowing anyone with my amazing runs. I've just been working on getting the food & weights working, and giving the running a break. Don't worry - I never quit, I just take breaks from it now an again.

Valences: See title. But I have figured out what I want to do - I hadn't made any firm decisions up until this weekend, which is one reason I put it off. But I figured it out. Also, I did a ton of cooking yesterday afternoon - about 3 solid hours in the kitchen. That will pay off bigtime this week!

So long and thanks for all the fish!

Finished watching the recent version of "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" last night. Alan Rickman is the perfect Marvin the Robot. Funniest line? "I'm British. I know how to queue."

Am I the only person who has a sneaking suspicion that David Lynch has begun writing for "Battlestar Galactica"? That show (while good) keeps getting weirder and weirder. I keep waiting for Kyle MacLaughlin to show up as a new raptor pilot and to see a midget dancing down the corridors.....

And "Kingdom of Heaven" is at the top of my Netflix queue. :-) Right up my alley.

Scale Meltdown - WTF!?!?!

154 - up a pound from last week? WTF!?!? The soy sauce in my homemade stir fry last night (which was over very little rice)? Too much diet Pepsi yesterday? I am a little bitter about that. Ugh.

I did a good job with making healthy choices food-wise this week.

Cardio - 4/7 days. Did not meet my goal of 6/7.

Weights - 2. Did not meet stretch goal of 3, but 2 is good. Still in the process of ramping up the intensity.

Overall, I am a little disappointed. But life goes on. I was tired this week, so I have focused on getting enough rest, and cardio suffered a couple of days. I will do better with my cardio next week. I know the scale is being fickle and that I did well with eating this week. I remind myself that I can control what I eat, but not what the scale says. Sigh. I have a good plan in place for the weekend.

On cooking lentils in the crockpot (for Sarah): the lentils should not be hard. I cook them on low for 8 hours and they are wonderful. 2 things I know of that can lead to hard lentils are 1) if they are old. Buy from someplace you know sells a lot, or buy what you need from a place that sells in bulk 2) if you cook lentils with tomatoes the acid apparently will make them hard. So, add the tomatoes after the lentils have cooked. A good lentil soup is my favorite - hearty, healthy, cheap. Try again - it's worth it!

Have a great weekend - I am going back to score more awesome fabric so I can be a sewing maniac this weekend! Look for pics of new living room valences soon!

By request, some soup recipes (well, not that I follow recipes very strictly...)

Afternoon snack soup

1 qt chicken stock (I buy the swanson's organic)
1 bag frozen stir fry veggies
1 28 oz can crushed tomatoes (the fire roasted muir glen are very good)

Heat stock to boiling. Simmer veggies in stock about 20 minutes until soft. Add in tomatoes and puree with immersion blender.

You can get fancy and saute onion and/or garlic etc - but that's the basic of a very yummy soup. I generally add a little worchestershire and hot sauce for zip. Very filling, very low cal.

My grandpa's beefy cream of tomato soup

1 lb. lean ground beef
1 large chopped onion
46 oz can V8
1 can reduced fat cream of celery soup.

Saute beef & onion. Add all ingredients into crock pot & simmer on low. You can leave this several hours, but at least 3 is the minimum. You can also use ground turkey.

Hamburger vegetable soup

1 lb ground beef or turkey
1/4 tsp basil
1/4 tsp oregano
1 Tbsp soy sauce
dash hot sauce
1 pkg onion soup mix
3 cups water
8 oz can tomato sauce
3 stalks diced celery
chopped carrots - about a cup
(14 oz can diced tomatoes - optional)
(you can also add some of the shredded slaw mix if you have it)

You don't have to saute the meat if its very lean, or saute & rinse. All ingredients into crock pot on low for all day - 6-8 hours.

You can add some macaroni if you want, but I usually don't bother. This is very thick & the flavor is very good for a quickie soup.

Lentil soup

1 pkg dry lentils
1 large or 2 small onions, diced
3 stalks celery, diced
carrots diced - about a cup
water to cover well - at least 5 cups.
Optional:
box of frozed chopped spinach - just toss in still frozen
kielbasa or other sausage
you can also stir in a can of tomatoes - but don't put in until lentils are cooked or the lentils will be hard.
diced bell pepper
curry powder/cajun seasoning blend/ or just plain salt & pepper

Put ingredients in crock pot. Cook on low several hours 6-8.

I put all these on in the morning before I go to work. I love my crock pot, it's my friend.

Neither rain nor sleet nor snow .. yadda yadda

I woke up to rain this morning, but I didn't let that stop me from getting in a 40 minute walk. I was so freaking exhausted last night, it was like some psychic vampire was sucking my life force. Maybe I'm coming down with something. In any case, I feel better today. I am also very hungry - I think it's psychological. I noticed I was deflating so I have to go out & run hurry scarf down some food before I lose weight, right??

Son had gobs of homework last night, so the gym didn't happen. That means I HAVE to go tonight since hub & I are going together Saturday morning. As long as I am doing this total body thing, I've got to have at least one day between workouts.

My son is super moody lately - I've never seen such a raging case of PMS in all my life. So begins puberty, huh? Sigh. Sometimes he's stil my wonderful little boy that wants to be with me forever, and other times he's riding my a$$ cause I drink diet pepsi with breakfast (I don't drink coffee). I hear it only gets better! :-O

Have a groovy day.

SOS (Stalks of Soreness)

I am going to the gym this afternoon – and my legs are still sore form the last workout! I will keep those weights the same, but I will again up the upper body some – I have no soreness there at all.

Well, I slept in again today – I woke up with a dreadful headache! Yuck. I’ll do some HIIT at the gym and take an extra hard walk at lunch today.

The hub had a nice birthday celebration yesterday. I stuck to my food plan, but I did have a couple of extra beers. Life goes on. I packed my usual healthy fare for the day and have a good dinner planned (veggie burger, baked beans, and homemade slaw).

I was smart to buy the pretzels yesterday – when I went back to the break area an hour later to heat up my soup, all the buffalo pretzels were gone! There were just the plain ones. So, I have them tucked away for the weekend. If I bought a bag at W-M, it would be the “full size” 10 oz bag, versus the 2 oz vending machine size. I wouldn’t eat all 10 oz in one sitting, but you can bet I’d eat the whole bag over the course of the weekend. At 140 calories per oz, that’s a lot! Sometimes, the better buy isn’t the better deal, if you know what I mean.

Deprived of what?

It’s been a busy day but a productive one. I ate a good breakfast, my usual snack, plus a healthy lunch that tasted good. I was walking down the hall and the thought popped into my head “I feel deprived.”

Deprived of what? Food of course. I felt like I deserved “a treat.” Here are the questions I asked myself at that moment:

1. Why does eating well mean you are deprived? How does that earn you the right to go eat the 280 calorie bag of buffalo pretzels in the vending machine? I’m not hungry – a little tired yes, but not hungry.

2. Don’t I deserve something better than food? I am deprived – of some very nice clothes hanging in my closet! Don’t I deserve to look & feel my best? Isn’t that better than buffalo pretzels?

So I went to the vending machine & bought the pretzels. No, I am not eating them. The point is I have them. They aren’t going away. And Friday night when I have a snack while watching TV I will have the perfect snack – not something I’ve settled for. And they are safe in my desk drawer where no one can buy all the stupid pretzels so there won’t be any on Friday. Sheesh. Sounds silly, but I feel better knowing I have them squirreled away. Now I don’t have to worry about obsessing over them.

Sometimes I exasperate even myself.

SOS (Sick of Soup)

As I was taking my post-lunch walk yesterday, I realized that I had soup for an afternoon snack (typical) and soup in the crock pot at home for dinner, and that I sure do eat a heck of a lot of soup. But really, it’s low cal (the kinds I make anyway), satisfying, cheap, easy to do in the crock pot… it’s just ideal. Luckily the soups were different enough that I enjoyed both.

Food is back on track – lots of good veggies, post dinner noshing under control, pants fitting better. Huzzah!

I did go to the gym yesterday afternoon. It wasn’t the most amazing workout I’ve ever had – I felt a little self conscious (I was the only woman lifting weights) and hurried a little. I did 2 circuits through my total body routine I put together. I upped the weights on some of my upper body exercises, so I did a little more than I did Saturday. My plan is to stick to 2 sets this week, up it to 3 next week, and then split my routine back out like I used to.

I did not get up and walk this morning. I was awake in the night so I was tired this morning. And lifting makes me extra tired. It’s cool – I have time tonight after dinner. Tae kwon do this week will be Wed & Thur, due to homework and my hubby’s birthday today. We are grilling steak and shrimp (lean sirloin steaks). We’re also having mashed potatoes and corn on the cob. I know I know. But it’s his birthday and he asked. I’m having corn & turnip greens and a bite of mashed potatoes, a small piece of steak, and shrimp. There is also cheesecake left from Sunday’s celebration – I will split a piece with my mom.

I got up and fixed my hair again today! Sometimes I just fluff & go, but I took time to do it this morning. Short hair is funny, but I like it. Anyhow, I feel good. I’m wearing a nice outfit again also. This weekend I want to go through my closet, pull out some stuff, and start wearing some of my nicer clothes. I get in ruts where I dress like a slob (relatively speaking).

I’m proud of me.

“Imeldochka” is back

What can I say? Excellent weekend! Saturday am hubby & I got up at 5:30 and hit the gym. I did 2 sets of a total body circuit, lowering my previous weights. How do you spell “legs”? Oh yeah, D-O-M-S. Sore baby, but in a nice way!

Went shopping with my mom Saturday and bought myself a cute pair of shoes, which I am wearing today. Back in the ‘80s, I loved shoes. My friend Marty used to call me “Imeldochka” – a Russian dimunitive meaning “little Imelda”. Remember Imelda Marcos’ love of shoes???

Anyway, we had a nice time shopping for a few things, and had lunch together. Most stuff was CostCo, fabric shop, etc, as I don’t shop for clothes. But I do love my new shoes. One of my co-workers commented on them, they have a little heel and are more feminine than my usual MO.

I also scored some awesome fabric – I am making new valences in my living room. Yes, I love to sew and do home decorating projects. The fabric is so cool – it will give the room a nice medieval flair, but not in a tacky way. I love it!!! So, I will be making valences next weekend!

What else? Food was pretty good – I ate some junk while watching tv Friday night (oh my god – I cannot believe they ended “Battlestar Galactica” like that!!!), but other than that I did really well, in spite eating out twice. Yay me!

I got up Sunday at 5:45, slipped on the stuff, and headed out the door for an hour of cardio tranquility.

Planned excellent food for the week, walked for 50 minutes this morning, I feel really great.

I’ve been checking myself out in the mirror lately. I’m not real thrilled with what I see. It’s like your girlfriend telling you she’s engaged to that jerk you kept hoping she’d drop. I just wanna hug me, look me in the eye, and say “You deserve better.” Not ugly or negative, just I can do better for myself. I deserve better. My clothes are blah still, although I have done something about the hair & make-up. And the shoes are shaping up! I wanna spruce up this body and clothes (I bought some nice fall slacks last year – the tags are still on them). This isn’t what I want to say about who I am. Does that make sense?

In any case, feeling very good about things right now. It’s all coming back into focus.

Confession is good for the soul (in no particular order)

153 – down 2 pounds from last week. Good to be back on track and headed in the right direction, with my habits and on the scale.

The gym. Okay, that didn’t work! The boy has a lot of studying to do on Thursday – actually he finished studying this morning it was so late last night. So, Thursday as a gym day doesn’t work for me. I’m thinking I will have to do it Mon & Wed while he is in tae kwon do. Which is fine, I’m just ready to get it figured out.


My son confessed to watching part of “Jeepers Creepers” at a friend’s house 2 weeks ago. We wondered why he seemed clingy & wasn’t sleeping well. I think it will be a while before he complains about not being allowed to watch a scary movie again! It really freaked him out. I didn’t punish him – for one I want him to feel like he can talk to us, and for two I think the sleepless nights have been punishment enough.

My son & I went for a walk after dinner the other night – he said “This is a good chance for us to have some one on one time.” Kids says the funniest things.

Eat some oatmeal & see me in the morning

I love that quote that goes something like “let your food be your medicine, and medicine your food.” Here’s why:

Scene 1: Son and I are having our weekly discussion of what he wants for breakfast and lunches the following week. (Yes, I am a freak who plans out every single weekday meal her family eats a week in advance.) He tells me that of the 7 kids at his assigned lunch table, he is the only one who brings a “healthy” (his word) lunch. The other 6 either buy lunch or bring a Lunchable. He tried for 2 weeks to get me to buy Lunchables, but I refused. I agreed to pack the equivalent from healthier stuff, but not the pre-packaged deal. The cafeteria lunches there aren’t the healthiest choices. So, according to him, he’s the only child at his table that eats a healthy lunch on a regular basis.

Scene 2: I am running into the grocery to grab some yogurt (the organic Stonyfield Farms were on sale for 50 cents!). There is a little boy with his mom standing near me as I search for my yogurt. He was probably a bit younger than my son – 9 I’m guessing. It was hard to tell because he was so overweight (his mom was too). They are having a discussion – he wanted chips & dip as a side dish to go with their steak for dinner. She says no, but agrees to serve it as an appetizer. It made my heart hurt a little, to see a child that age so overweight.

Food yesterday was fine – I did have 1 oz of buffalo pretzels and a light beer after the boy & I went for our after dinner walk. It was budgeted in, but I do feel a little bloated this morning, even after walking for an hour. Think I’ll be sure to skip the snack tonight before I weigh in tomorrow.

I am going to the gym tonight. I am being a wimp and going to the old gym – I don’t feel comfortable going to the new gym for the first time by myself. Why do I feel like a baby writing that? Why do I feel bad about feeling that way? I’m shy in funny ways at times. Oh well – I will work out. Where remains to be seen. Guess you’ll have to read again tomorrow to find out! Hah!

Live from the budokon

I am not a person who reads about something in a magazine or whatever and runs out to purchase it. However, I read about an intriguing exercise video in “Shape” mag, and I did just that. It’s called “budokon” http://www.gaiam.com/retail/product.asp?product%5Fid=90-0068 – it’s described as an “easy-to-learn synergy of authentic Japanese and Korean martial arts, power yoga and meditation”. What American multi-tasker doesn’t want to get all that done at once??? The guy’s credentials look impressive, so I decided to blow $15 and give it a go. Check out http://www.gaiam.com/ is you are a new-agey type – their site looks pretty cool. Once my house is devoid of others humans (this weekend) I plan to give it a go. I’ll report back.

Food is still looking good. I had a 22 oz beer chilled to split with hubby last night, and I was too tired to drink it. Can you believe that??? Instead I had an O’Douls and a few of those buffalo pretzels. I’ve been craving them like crazy, so I decided to buy a bag and eat a small portion each day. Maybe that will knock the craving out. Even though that was a lot of calories right before bed (in the 240 range), it fit into my allowance for the day.

I got up and walked for an hour this morning – it felt fantastic! I did a little jogging, but mostly walked. Breakfast was chocolate yogurt and raw rolled oats – a little heavy on the calories (320, I shoot for 250-300 normally), but it was yummy! A little sweet maybe, perhaps I should use plain yogurt and add a little chocolate powder…..

My long term exercise plan looks like this:

Cardio: 1 hour session 6 days a week. Walking or running or biking – outside as much as possible. One of those will get longer as I build up my mileage.
Weights: 2 – 3 sessions per week for a good 45 min to an hour.
HIIT: 2 sessions tagged on after weights
Other: some yoga, stretching, budokon or whatever – something for my flexibility.

Currently I’m doing decent on the cardio – the rest is still in the goal stage. However, my homework for tonight is to write out a total body workout for the gym tomorrow. I go tomorrow after work, and then on Saturday morning with the hubby.

I stole Chris’ food idea – I am dividing my luncheon plate into fourths. If our dinner is a casserole type thing (like tonight) I make that my carb side and include a veggie burger to bulk up the lean protein, and I cook plenty of veggies. I bought a bag of that tri-color slaw blend that’s just the veggies. I’m using that to either bulk up my salad, or adding a bit of dressing and using it as a second vegetable.

Hub is out of town at his D&D game this weekend. I need to plan all my food out (including treats!) so I don’t go overboard while no one is looking. Like the calories don’t count if I am alone in the house. Please.

Step One Done!

After I dropped the boy at tkd, I went & did the grocery shopping. One ability that has helped me lose weight & keep it off is that I plan food for the week, and we eat most of our meals at home. The better I plan, the better I eat. When I fail to plan, I wind up eating crap on the fly. (The fact that I’m still 15 pounds to goal is total fear of losing weight & has little to do with my planning or cooking abilities.)

Exercise still isn’t there, but I have 2 trips to the new gym planned for the week, and I promise to execute on that. The weather here is cooling off a little, which means that soon I’ll be able to start running and/or walking with the boy in the afternoon some days. That’s always fun.

Nothing terribly exciting, just slowly settling back in to normal. It feels great.

And how was your weekend?

Can I tell you what a great weekend it was? We bought season tickets for Busch Gardens (good through next season!) and headed out for Williamsburg. The boy actually rode a roller coaster with me! He didn't like it, but he tried it. That was cool. We spent Saturday at the park, had dinner at a nearby Italian place we know, then went for 4 more hours Sunday. We got home pretty tired and it was after 8, but we all had a blast (my mom went with us).

Today after work I have to by groceries and the boys are going to do some housework to get the house in better shape. So, plenty of chores didn't get done, but really, who cares? My family had a blast. That was worth a messy house & an empty (until this evening) fridge.

My reality check came in, and I demand a refund!

155. I got on the scale today for the first time in exactly 4 weeks. I was up 4.5 pounds. Honestly, I can’t believe it isn’t worse. Those are “real” pounds, which means they’re gonna be “real” hard to get back off. But at least now I know where I am.

I got up at 4:30 this morning and walked. I’m glad I did it. I have a ways to go to get back to where I was - not so much on the scale, but more on the attitude & habit side of the thing. I've started taking a few steps in that direction.

Absolutely nothing exciting to say

Food wasn't too dreadful yesterday and I did manage to get in a good walk in the morning. I suspect the gym will start next week. Tonight is tae kwon do party and homework nad hopefully a couple of errands squeezed in there as well. Need to see about getting e-tickets to Busch Gardens.

I'm doing okay. I got out my "Body Sculpting Bible" so I can go back and re-evaluate my gym program. Sounds like something I can do in the car. And I am ashamed to admit I still haven't had time to read the latest Harry Potter book - that will definitely be making the car ride with me!

Moving On

I am home from work today. I didn't get much sleep last night. My family has closed around me to comfort me. I know there will be days when I handle all this better than others, but its past time to close the door my half-sister insisted I open. There's nothing for me there. I am pondering looking for a support group for adults who were emotionally abused as children. I've been down the therapy path - I think just talking to other people who understand might help. Just to reinforce that I'm not alone & not to blame.

I have to focus very hard right now on taking care of myself - providing my body with the right foods, in the appropraite amounts, exercise, and plenty of rest. If I care for my body it will help my soul.

I haven't figured out what I'm going to tell my son about why we aren't going to his aunt's wedding. And I don't know that he will ever see her again. I worry about how all of this is going to affect him. My mom & I (with hubby too) decided that rather than go to the beach, we'll head up to Williamsburg to go to Busch Gardens this weekend. We love BG, and it will make a great getaway. I know my son will enjoy that more. Just need to figure out what/how to explain...

My dog Carmen is at the vet - her liver is acting up again. The vet says she may have a touch of pancreitis (sp?). I am scared it's getting close to time to say good-bye for now. But I refuse to think about that today.

Have I ever told you about my grandpa? (last post where my potty mouth shines through)

I have been given some amazing blessings in this life - my mom's whole family included. It's like the creator knew that my dad & his whole family were fucked, so he gave me a great half a family to make up for it.

My grandpa (my mom's dad) was raised by his great aunt & uncle. His parents divorced when he was a baby (1916!) and his mom remarried, but never raised him. He never knew the whole story - his dad continued to live in the same small town, but never had any contact with his first born. His dad ultimately remarried and had other kids, but still never included my grandpa in his life. His relationship with his mom wasn't all that great.

In the new millenia paradigm, he would have turned to drugs, killed homeless people for kicks, and wound up on parole, but turned out onto the streets to kill again. In reality, he was an amazing husband, father, and grandfather. I remember his funeral - my mom was a way too broken up to speak and my uncle had died only a year before, so I spoke. The one thing I remember talking about was his amazing sense of humor. I never saw the man lose his temper - he was fair with everyone he dealt with, he never lost his perspective, and he could always laugh at himself. He was an amazing human being. On days like today, when I am forced to confront head-on the more shitty cards that life has dealt me, I remember my papa and his strength and his love for me. I could never be as amazing as he was, but so help me I swear I will always try.

I've been given bad, but it has made me cherish the good so much. Like my wonderful mom, incredible husband, inspiring grandparents. The ying and the yang. I could turn to a life of crime on the streets (deadbeat economists :-), or I can be like my grandpa and strive to be my best, no matter what my f(*^&-ing priest sister thinks about me.

family sux ass

So, my sister wanted me to reconcile with my dad. Nevermind that the man emotionally and verbally abused me for 30 fucking years. So I try. He takes a passon having anything to do with me or my son. I write & say how much I've been hurt by his abuse. She calls and uninvited me, my husband, my son, & my mom from her wedding this weekend.

If you are abused, practically no one will believe you and will treat you like shit. If you are the abuser, everyone will believe you and try to support you.

What’s the plan?

As I alluded to (briefly) in my last post, this past weekend I mapped out a plan for myself. I’ve been in reactive mode these past weeks, and that never works for long. The hub & I had a talk about who is doing what which evenings, when we will each work out, and divided boy duty up. Here is what I came up with:

Exercise
I needed to up my cardio as it had gotten kinda slack. I am getting up earlier (4:30!) so that I can fit in 1 hour of cardio in the mornings every day except Monday. On Monday afternoon I will use the indoor track at the boy’s school while he is doing tae kwon do. That way I can sleep a little later on that day. I will continue to walk at lunch during the work week. Given the speed, this doesn’t really do a great deal other than give me a good stretch, but its something. I’ll walk some days, run others. That should give me a good amount of calorie-burning time.

As I said, we signed up with Triangle Fitness. It’s cheaper than the Y and gives us 24 hour access. Besides being tiny, the school fitness center has very limited hours. This works better since hub’s gym time is before work. He got up at 4 this morning, packed his lunch, and went to the gym. Early morning gym works for him, afternoon works for me, so that works out well. Tuesday and Thursday afternoons are going to be my gym time. If we’re home, I can add a third workout in on the weekend, but 2 will be the minimum.

Food:
Chris has mentioned dividing up the plate and that is one technique I am using. For example, last night’s dinner was a big serving of green beans, a portabella/soy burger, and tuna casserole as a side dish. Everyone else was eating the casserole as the “main” thing, and it was fairly healthy, but I still elected to eat a smaller portion and use the burger to boost my protein. Breakfasts, lunches, & snacks will focus more on calories in conjunction with being unprocessed. My goal is in the 1300 calorie ballpark, but I’m not being so strict about counting at dinner – rather, I’m fixing healthy things, eating a lot of veggies, and using a lunch plate to help control portions. I am also planning my food for the day and committing to eating only what is on the plan. I have one item for post-dinner, with a max of 100 calories. I’ve been eating after dinner too much lately.

I built myself a nice excel spreadsheet with all my daily habits I want to encourage – flossing, face washing, exercise, etc. The first day always goes well, but I plan to hang with this for a while.

Up for Grabs

Several weeks ago, Lexy offered up a few books on her blog. The books were free and she paid for shipping. The only deal was that the recepient had to make the same offer to her (or Lexy's) readers when she finished.

So: I have a copy of "Passing for Thin" by Frances Kuffel for the first person who emails me asking for it. I will pay shipping, but you must agree to pass it on to one of your readers. If you don't have a blog, please offer it to mine & Lexy's readers when you are done.

It was a very eventful weekend. Some good, some bad. Wrote my dad, attended a very entertaining wedding where I saw a bunch of friends, saw another dear friend for supper, volunteered at a local PowWow, even had time for a really awesome 4 miler Sunday morning (I was thinking of you Jack!), cried for my grandpa who I miss terribly. And joined a gym! I'm looking forward to a quiet week. :-)

Why I think men and women handle stress differently, and a gym review

I was reading a blog the other day. It’s a weight loss blog written by a man, and he was talking about the fact that even though he is under a great deal of stress right now, he isn’t going off his diet plan.

His remarks weren’t meant to be critical (I don’t think) and I didn’t take them that way. But it did get me thinking. See, for about 3 weeks now we have been housing a friend of my husband. The same friend we had to toss out weeks ago after enduring his mooching to a point I was ready to check myself into either an asylum or the Betty Ford clinic. Really. Gee, I wonder if this little factoid has anything to do with my recent eating troubles?

I think men and women are reared to handle their stress and anger very differently. Boys are encouraged to find healthy outlets for their aggression. For girls, the degree to which you are trained to hide your “negative” feelings depends on the culture in which you are raised, but we all get it. Growing up in the south, I was taught that “nice girls” don’t express negative feelings. While it may be changing, that’s why eating disorders and other forms of self-mutilation (like cutting) have long been the bastion of women. That’s how we deal with stress. Oh yeah, and by eating. It's the whole "Scarlett O'hara" mentality: stick the knife in the back, but do it while smiling pretty, offering a glass of iced tea, and saying "Isn't that niiiiiiiice?"

I can’t handle having a house full of people for an extended period of time even under the best of circumstances – I was raised to enjoy peace and quiet. And this is a person I don’t particularly like. But I have felt obliged to accept this person into my home even though it is making me physically sick to do so. After a second morning of breaking down in tears, my husband put his foot down, because I can’t. I am a failure as a southern hostess if I kick a mooch out of my home. I feel like a trapped animal. This is pitiful.

Now for the gym review!

Yesterday after work I stopped at my son’s school to lift weights and use the indoor track. Here are my current thoughts on the great gym decision of 2005:

Pros for the school gym.

1. It’s free.

2. It’s convenient – I drive past his school on my way home from work, so it’s not out of the way at all.

3. If the hub can’t pick him up, he’s right there at the child care, so he can just hang out in childcare a while longer while I get some exercise.

4. Did I mention it’s free????

Cons for the school.

1. The weight room is tiny tiny tiny! Like, I barely had enough room to do my upper body free weight routine. It’s very tight quarters.

2. They don’t have a squat cage (but they do have a Smith cage).

3. Maybe it was just yesterday, but the room was quite hot.

4. The weights are really old – so they are straight bars in the middle and really large on the ends. This makes some exercises a bit difficult.

5. I can’t say I care for the music.

6. I don’t have a good feeling working out there.

My plan is to go back to the school today and do my leg routine. Then I will make up my mind. The Y is the most expensive option, with Triangle fitness a little cheaper even if we both join. The school gym is free. Ultimately, the best gym is the one you use. If I don’t enjoy working out there, I won’t even if it’s the most convenient option.

I want to take my home back. I want to take my life back. I feel like such a failure to admit I feel powerless and am having to hide behind my husband.

“We need a montage (Even Rocky had a montage)”

I guess that’s funnier if you recognize the “Team America: World police” reference. Anyhow…. You know how in action movies they always have the great training montage? Think Rocky running up the steps of that museum, or Jean Claude van Damme as Frank Dux doing the split atop the Buddhist temple in “Bloodsport”. In the 2 minutes 39 seconds it takes for the catchy action song to play, our hero gets motivated, works his (or her) butt off, and gets ready to kick butt. Isn’t that cool? Dontcha wish it worked that way in life? Sometimes I do. Sometimes I wish I only had to experience those super exciting moments. Who wants to watch Rocky drooling over a bag of pretzels or watch Frank Dux bust into the hotel room mini-bar the night before the big fight in the kumate? Totally not tape worthy moments. On the other hand, I doubt anyone would want to watch me have a quiet breakfast with my son the way we do every day. Maybe a montage goes by too fast, and doesn’t give us the opportunity to savor the moments.

Yesterday I got up, fixed a healthy breakfast, and packed a healthy lunch. I walked at lunch with my friend. I ate roughly 850 calories by the time I left work. Dropped the boy off at tae kwon do and went over to his school to use the indoor track. The track is fairly standard – 13 laps is a mile, pretty springy. One corner has ellipticals, one has treadmills, and there is a little alcove with a couple of bikes. The equipment looks to be Soviet-made, circa 1962.

After warming up a couple of laps, I decided I would jog a couple, walk a couple. I didn’t have my running shoes, but I wanted to get my heart rate up. I stopped to use one of the ellipticals for 5 minutes for a change of pace. Even on the next to lowest setting, that thing was tough! But it worked. At one point I’m jogging around listening to the Isley Brothers singing “It’s Your Thing” and I wanted to throw my hands in the air & burst out into song (you know, like the church scene in the “Blues Brothers”). I though about VJ’s post yesterday, talking about how she always feels so good those few minutes riding her bike to work. Exercise does that for us. Isn’t it ironic that when we need it the most, we want it the least?

After moving my body the way it was built to for 45 fabulous minutes, I picked up the boy, went home, & heated up some soup. Had a great beefy tomato soup with ½ a roll. Then walked another mile, got cleaned up, had a fudgecicle & brushed my teeth. Could not get up this morning! I was pooped!

My plan for tonight is to lift weights at the potential new gym, which the hub now also wants to join.

Thanks for all the great comments. I am feeling a lot better.

Who do you want to be today?

This weekend I decided to scrub off the “V” (for “victim”) I apparently wrote on my forehead a couple of weeks ago. Yes, this is always a stressful time of year. Trying not to put too much pressure on myself was a good idea, but unfortunately it didn’t work. Stress at home on a multitude of fronts, sadness about the hurricane, the fact that tomorrow is the 4 year anniversary of the death of a friend – I used all that as excuses to overeat and overdrink. Here I sit at the end of it, feeling so much worse for the wear.

Yeah, I still overindulged a bit this weekend. But I took time to do some things I wanted to. I painted the top of my vegetable bin. I painted a quilt block on the top, with some other decorative painting. I bought school supplies for my son, checked out the new gym, bought fall fabric and traded out my tablecloths & kitchen valences for new ones I made yesterday. I made homemade potato salad (a first!) based on what my mom said my grandma used to put in hers. I had a house full of people over for a cookout.

I also went running. God it felt so good. The cool morning air this time of year is really something special. In the name of being “kind” to myself, I’ve been doing myself a terrible disservice. Failing to take my vitamins for a week??? How is that being nice to me?

Pity party is over. I am still feeling down, but eating buffalo pretzels ain’t the answer. Instead of shoving the feelings under a pile of food - I decided to feed my body what it really needs: healthy food, sleep, & exercise. And to feed my soul with some artistic creation.

Today’s title taken from that font of wisdom, Oingo Boingo.

Some improvements

Hub took the boy to tae kwon do last night, which left me free to hit the gym (after a healthy hot meal courtesy of my crock pot). After much consideration, I elected to do my weights at the Y - I am still up in the air about the whole gym situation. It wasn't any great shakes - 40 minutes of total body. But it was better than nothing, so instead of thinking about how inferior it was relative to prior workouts, I focused on the fact that I got my butt there. Which is good since I went home and had 2 beers and a sugar free fudgecicle. Other than that, I stuck to healthy food choices - so yesterday was a mixed bag eating wise I guess.

This morning I got up and went for a 2 mile walk. I plan to walk with my friend at lunch (which we did outside yesterday!), and while the boy is a tkd this afternoon I will likely go over to the gym at his school since its only a mile down the road. I still haven't gone over there for actual exercise - just checked it out.

We have a trip planned to northern northern north PA this weekend and both our travelling companions have backed out. So, no one to help with the 11 hour drive - not to mention no one to share gas costs. That sux.

I'm outta town the next 3 weekends. I need some down time, not to mention bike time, time to go on an epic 3 hour run, and maybe time to work on some fun projects around my house. I think I fritter away my weekends, but I can't figure out on what.

I heard Houston took a lot of the animals rescued from areas hit by the hurricane. I guess it seems shallow to worry about them, but I do. Gotta go google their shelter & check it out. My company does gift matching, so that helps make my donations really count.

Just One Thing

Apparently, NC has been named a "primary evactuation state", meaning evacuees are being moved directly to NC and from other states that are over capacity. Even as we speak, evacuees are living in the coliseum just a few miles from where I am sitting now.

We have a local website dedicated to getting supplies, housing, and volunteers to these folks. My mom teaches in the middle school just a few blocks from the coliseum - I'm sure she'll be seeing some new faces in her classes in the coming days. I went on the site this morning and volunteered to help with some activities with the kids - bringing movies, games, helping with homework. I figure the boy and I can do that after school. It's just one thing, but I guess it's something. In the face of something so overwhelming, feeling so helpless, it seems like so little, but it's something I can do - you know?

5 a.m.

I got up and walked this morning. I have a healthy lunch packed. I sat & ate a healthy breakfast with my son before school. Little things all, but they are the stepping stones to getting myself back on the path I'd like to be on.

Third Time is a Charm

It may have been going on longer, but this is the third year I realize that post holiday back to school and all that jazz has left me mildly depressed, struggling with diet and exercise, and up a couple of pounds.

And I guess like a lot of people, I am feeling profoundly sad & helpless as I struggle to understand how we created such an uncaring government for ourselves.

Random acts of thinking

Renee always makes me think, which is one reason I like her blog. Yesterday she was talking about the hopelessness and helplessness we feel in the face of disaster, and how it makes our problems seem pretty unimportant.

I left a not very articulate comment that I kinda wanted to expand on. (Not that the expansion is guaranteed to be any more articulate.)

Living where and when we do, we have the luxury of being far more self-involved than people are other places or have been in the past. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing – taking care of yourself and your family is good.

If you examine some of what goes on in the world, let’s face it – if you are sitting and reading these words, your problems quickly look pretty trivial in comparison. How long has systematic government sanctioned genocide been conducted in Africa or Eastern Europe? Add natural disasters in the mix, not to mention the sheer numbers of humans living on this planet, and pretty soon you start to feel like a mite on the flea on the dog.

But humans are egocentric by nature – its survival instinct at its core and we all possess that. But since we don’t need to kill to feed, we have the luxury of obsessing over our cellulite. And yes, being able to do that is a luxury, even though it feels like a pain.

Our guilt for worrying about ourselves won’t help anyone – going to the gym tonight won’t help anyone in NOLA but it will help you. And it won’t hurt them either. It’s human nature to be concerned with ourselves. Help however you can, but carrying on is not a bad thing – it’s the human thing to do.

“No one can help everyone, but everyone can help someone.”

------------------------------------------
So, hub agreed that if I drove the scooter to work, he would in turn drive the minivan, taking only what tools are necessary for the job. Since he drives a Ford E150 work van, this will be a huge savings in gas. (His gas bill per week was $120 when gas was $2.40 a gallon – so it’s close to $200 a week now). That will be a pretty big savings for us. So the scooter is looming on the horizon. I plan to hit the Honda dealer this weekend. I am trying to treat this like a car purchase, versus some spur of the moment purchase. I appreciate all the feedback I have gotten – it has helped a lot.

I am still really ragged out. I have a ton of things on my to do list, which means it needs a trim.

I hope you all have a great weekend. Take care.

The great tea diet

Instead of walking last night, I went & checked out a scooter. I’m still on the fence, so I’ve put in emergency questions to VJ & Megan. There’s a cool thing about this little blog community we’ve set up: I don’t know anyone here that has a scooter, so I sure am grateful that I know 2 great ladies online that can answer my questions. That’s just so cool.

My cold is doing great – wish I could say the same thing about me. :-O I drank a ton of hot tea yesterday, appetite isn’t so great. My energy is still pretty low. I have legs on the weight training schedule, but I don’t see that happening. I’ll try to get something going this evening.

I got a fantastic haircut this past Saturday. My hair looked fabulous the past couple of days! Not so great today. Isn’t it funny how you can fix your hair the same, and some days it looks great, and some days mediocre? But mediocre at the right length is still a lot better than too long. Mystery of the ages.

Have I mentioned that I am a minion of satan? Not only did I have the nerve to schedule my son’s dental appointment during PE (“Everyone will be having a good time except me!”), I also told him that he & hub needed to pick up breakfast somewhere. Any other day he’d be thrilled, but this morning? Pissed that I didn’t make scrambled eggs with chorizo. See how tough it is to be evil incarnate? Normally going out would be a treat, so I had to spend the week luring him into my web with yummy eggs, then cut them off unexpectedly. I stay up nights thinking up these ways to torture my child. Doesn’t every parent? So, I come into work this morning feeling like a bull in Spain - stuffed full of barbs (“You’re evil!”) and then sent in to do my job.

My pants look great today.

Strange as it is, my pants fit

I have a pair of pants (which of course my mom bought for me cause you know how much I love to shop). These are size 12 Talbot flat front navy colored khakis. I almost never wear them because they fit. Most of my pants are of the classy, stretchy Chico’s variety, with elastic waistbands. While that sounds terrible, Chico’s pants actually look very nice. But they are also very forgiving. My other fashion choices (disasters) include a couple of pair of capris that are a little too big, and jeans that are a little too big. And shapeless sundresses. So wearing a pair of pants that a) aren’t stretchy and b) fit feels a little weird. I guess its more evidence that last weekend’s food escapade didn’t result in my packing back on the 30 pounds I’ve lost.

I didn’t get up and walk this morning. I have a cold and I am pooped. I may try to get out this evening. I know I can walk since the symptoms are above the neck, but if I still feel like the living dead I’ll likely take a pass. Yesterday I ran, walked, and lifted weights. Go me!

Before I picked up the kids, I checked out the gym at his school/church. It is much smaller than the Y, but the only piece of equipment missing is the cage for doing free squats. I asked my husband to go and check it out & see what he thinks. They don’t have a hot tub either, but here is the cool thing: the community pool is located inside the Y. So, for $3.70 each/ we have access to the pool, hot tub, etc if we want it. They also don’t have spinning classes, but they have the other classes I might take. Notice I say ‘might’, since I am not much of a class taker. The Y costs us $76, an individual membership for just me would be $43 – the new gym is free. I want him to check it out and then we’ll make a decision. We’ll see – I’d love to save the money, but I don’t want to short change myself either.

I am seriously considering buying a scooter. I must contact the bloggers I read who are scooterers to find out details.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again!

The good news is, the damage was more mental than physical, and I knew the perfect cure: I called my girlfriend and ranted. I moaned about my eating, I griped about how I had to park in a different spot due to work in the parking lot. Naturally, I couldn’t find my car and I’m roaming around this huge parking lot yesterday afternoon dressed like Nanuk of the North (I work in a frozen basement). She was laughing so hard she was near tears, and I was laughing right along with her.

Yesterday I wore my comfy jeans that make me feel small. Today I wore a red shirt and a belt and I feel powerful. This morning I ran and felt like an athlete. Everybody gets down. Strong people get back up.

I ate healthy foods yesterday – I am checking out a new gym this afternoon. If the amenities meet our needs, we’re switching as this is MUCH cheaper. I am lifting weights tonight while the boy & a friend go swimming. Getting all that crap food out of my system has me feeling better already. The mornings have cooled down enough that AM runs feel good again.

It may take me a while to get into this new routine – new school, new locale & time for tae kwon do, maybe new gym. But I will. Just because I got down, doesn’t mean I gave up.

Why did I let a $11.20 clearance rack skirt do that to me?????

My friend Robin has a theory - you should never shop during the portion of the month you aren't fertile. According to her, when you are fertile you could put on potato sack and feel smoking hot. When you aren't, you swear you are too heinous to be allowed to leave the house. I believe her.

My mom convinced me to go shopping with her Friday for an outfit for my sister's wedding. These family events are angst filled enough, given that my father acts like a sperm donor who's anonymity was violated. I found a summer skirt on clearance. I tried it on, my mom said I looked cute, I said I looked like a cow in a flowered skirt. I bought the stupid thing.

I spent the rest of the weekend overeating. I spent yesterday afternoon eating like it was my JOB and I had a deadline to meet.

Why? Why do I do this to myself?

In other news, I got all the unpacking, cleaning of the house, and cleaning out of my son's closet & dresser accomplished. I even bought closet organizers and put them up, so he can manage his stuff much better. I give him a start at the beginning of the year, but after that his clothes are his responsibility. I feel good about how much I got done.

I am reading a couple of good books - a Robert E. Howard "Conan" book my son bought me on vacation, as well as "Bobke II". That man cracks me up. I also pulled out some cross stitch stuff so I could start doing some ornaments. I love making homemade gifts for the holiday, and I like to give homemade ornaments.

I ran yesterday morning. Not very far, but I got up and did it. I feel good about that.

Next weekend I plan to tackle my wardrobe & closet - I'll be fertile, so it should be safe. Ha! Maybe I just won't eat until then (joking.....)

Update, and some Friday Humor

Vacation recovery is still happening – slowly but surely. I think our house will be normal by the end of the weekend. We are also recovering from our poison ivy, and the crazy couple is leaving our enactment group. So that’s all good news.

Eating salami sandwiches & guzzling beer promotes weight loss as long as you are living in the wild. I’m back down to my new preferred weight of 150.5. I’m not gonna worry about it. Trying not to sweat the small stuff – just focus on healthy behaviors and hopefully the rest will follow.

I sometimes forget how much I love living outside (for short periods – I don’t plan to pick up & permanently move to a teepee any time soon!). We are doing a camping/enactment thing in a couple of weeks in some big national forecast in Ohio. Then we are camping with another family the weekend of Halloween. It’s just in the state park an hour from our house, but I am looking forward to it. Camping is my thing – and if I want to do it I sometimes have to prod the hub. He likes it, but he’s happy just working on projects around the house too. I guess we’ve both slipped into the whole “homebody” thing the past year. I’d like to start doing more stuff – not just running & housework.

I plan to run tomorrow. I have no idea how far – I plan to run for the simple joy of doing so. I’ll let you know what happens.

Here’s a funny “test’ to see how closely you followed this year’s tour de France: http://www.cyclingnews.com/features/?id=2005/nelson_tour_exam

Fake News from "Fat Cyclist"

Oh Lord, this cracked me up!!! http://spaces.msn.com/members/fatcyclist/


Scoop! Lance Armstrong Comes Out of Retirement!
Friends, Family, Sheryl Crow Heave Collective Sigh of Relief

Austin, TX, August 24 (Fat Cyclist Fake News Service) – Less than four weeks after winning what was presumably the final race of his career, Lance Armstrong today announced in a hastily-called media conference that he is coming out of retirement. Said the rumpled, unshaven seven-time Tour de France champion, "Uh, I guess I'll be racing the Tour de France next year." Then, after pausing for a few seconds while exchanging glances with Sheryl Crow, Armstrong continued, "I'll also be racing the Giro d'Italia." Another five silent seconds elapsed, after which Armstrong finished, "And the Vuelta Espana." Armstrong concluded the media conference abruptly by saying, "No questions. I have to go ride my bike now."

Crow Gives the Go-Ahead

Rock star Sheryl Crow, who has been dating Armstrong for more than a year now, explained Armstrong's decision. "He's racing again because I was going to completely lose my mind if he didn't get out of the house and do something. I swear, if he isn't at Home Depot buying new power tools or downstairs playing Halo — I haven't yet told him Halo 2 has come out — he's catching up on seven years' worth of television. Yesterday, he watched the entire second season of 24. You know how long that took? All day and night." Crow took a deep breath and continued, "Back when he was preparing for the Tour, Lance and I used to talk about how great it would be when he was retired and he'd have time to do nothing but relax. I had no idea he meant that so literally." At this moment, Crow stopped and took three deep breaths before continuing, "So, yeah, he's going to start racing again."

Neighbors Enthused for Armstrong Comeback

Armstrong's next-door neighbor, James Scott, reports being pleased with Armstrong's decision to re-enter the peloton. "A few weeks ago I was washing my car and Lance comes over, wearing pajama bottoms and an "I won the Tour de France 7 times and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" shirt. "We start talking about the Tour," said Scott, "and he's helping me wash my car. Nice guy, really. And then I realize he's rubbing down my car with one of his yellow jerseys. I told him he should be protecting them for posterity and he says, 'Oh, I've got a million of 'em. You want it?' And of course I said 'yes.' I mean, who wouldn't want one of Armstrong's jerseys?"
"That was nine jerseys ago," continued Scott. "Now anytime I go outside to water the lawn, trim the hedge, whatever, he's out there with an excuse to talk about glory days and try to unload one of those jerseys. I've started avoiding him, if you want the truth."

Armstrong Reacts

"I'm ready to get back into the routine," said the record-holding Tour winner when reached for comment. "At first, it's fun to be a full-time dad, but after a couple days you find yourself trying to remember which of the twins always wants to wear purple and which wants to wear pink, and how you're going to get Luke back home from soccer practice when it's the girls' naptime, and there are still dishes in the sink from two days ago." "And have you ever been forced to watch "Dora the Explorer?" asked Armstrong, his face growing animated. "Now, there's a time trial for you. And they want to watch the same episode like three times per day. I swear, if I hear that 'I'm the Map' song one more time...." "There've been times when I'm making three different kinds of soup for lunch," continued Armstrong. Grace likes Chicken and Stars (with the chicken bits taken out), Isabelle wants Cream of Chicken, and Luke wants Cream of Tomato, unless he changes his mind after I've made it and decides he wants Spaghettio's. That's when I think, 'OK, who's the domestique now?' So no, I'm not too upset about having to get back on the bike."
Asked about his plan to race all three grand tours in 2006, Armstrong said, "Can I win all three? I have no idea. That's not even the point. I'm just doing what I'm told." And when will Armstrong retire permanently? "I dunno," says Armstrong. "When will the twins be in school full time?"

The fitness blog where I don't mention exercise!

I am slowly getting things put away, purchased for school, etc etc. And I got a much needed haircut (my life is sooo exciting!). Eating is okay - exercise is still not really there. I recognize I would get burned out if I do too much, so I'm trying to just walk some, eat right, and know I'll get back into my exercise routine next week when my house is better.

The steroid cream is helping the boy (and me) a lot. I let him wear shorts to school today since his legs no longer look like he scratched them both with a machete.

Vacation had waaaaay more drama than anyone wanted, which sucked. In a nutshell, one couple wanted to do their own thing, without regards to equitable distribution of work, or group norms. Yuck. We met some new people we really like (which was cool) - weather was nice. I think the couple in question may be invited to leave - frankly, I hope so. We'll see.

I read this on a Pennsic message board - it summed up nicely not only how I feel about Pennsic, but why I love to run and hate the dreadmill:

'I think one of the reasons Pennsic seems so "magical" to us is because I truly believe that it's more along the lines of how we are supposed to live. We aren't supposed to sit around apartments alone. We are supposed to live in tribes, and sit around campfires, and be the social creatures that we are. The sounds in our lives are supposed to be other people's voices, crickets, running creeks, birdsong, drums and music. Instead, we force ourselves into boxes drained of color, sound, and life, fill our ears with electronic hums and engines, fill our noses with disenfectant and artificial scents to replace the ones we've lost. Instead of firelight, sunlight, lightning, and starlight we light our dark, dead world with cold electric gadgets.

We spend a week or two living on, in, and with our planet, feeling the heat, and the cold, and the rain, and the wind. We are at the mercy of the earth's rhythms and moods, being who we are for real with all the crap stripped away, and then wonder why we feel like our souls are dying when we finally come back to "civilization".'

Yeah.

Swamped

Gotta tell ya, I love vacation, but coming home from this kind of vacation is a bear. There's a 15'x15' medieval style pavillion, wooden camp bed (complete with double futon), furniture, armor, cooler, cooking gear, my son's tent, bed, armor... then there's clothes, camp shower, day shade for the kitchen... we looked liked the Clampett's going and now it looks like someone called in an air strike on my house. The car still won't fit in the garage and I haven't been running because I can't find my spandex shorts! Oh yeah, and the boy had to go to the dr this morning because he has a severe case of poision ivy (which the darling shared with me). And yesterday was the first day at a brand new school.....

However, I am pacing myself and slowly getting through the clean-up. Eating is good, and I've gotten up to walk both yesterday and today. I'm trying to ease back in and not get myself freaked out. In the olden days, I would have worked until I collapsed, then called in sick. I'm doing better than that. The boy seems to be adapting well, and he's been a total trooper about the poison ivy.

We've going back for a weekend thing in 3 weeks!

I am slowly reading blogs - sorry for not leaving comments or anything. Give me a weekend to catch up at work & home, and I'll be back to my normal self. (Is that a good thing? :-)

Back Home

Just a note to let you know I got home safely. I will say that, as always, I feel like I have gotten away from my life totally. There was good, there was bad, and now I'm glad to be back.

Thanks for the great comments!

A fun new way to feel like crap about your body, and “Genuine Soviet Service”

Don’t feel quite bad enough about your saggy tummy and baggy thighs? Go get a spray tan. Oh sure, all the doctors are telling you it’s the way to go – so much safer than the tanning bed. Sure. Right up until the point you’re in the dingy room (from all the random spray stuff going everywhere), with your arms propped up on full length mirrors (since you have to hold them up so long - make them turn the mirrors away!), stripped down to your 15 year old underpants you wore cause you knew they’d have to go in the trash after this, standing in front of a 17 year old size 2 wearing a baby doll shirt that says “cheerleader.” A tanning bed is way healthier than suicide watch at the local psychiatric ward IMO.

Oh, and be sure to ask Miss Cheer how long it takes this mess to dry. “It just really like depends on the person. Maybe 20 minutes, sometimes and hour and 20. It shouldn’t be that long though.” Great – me feeling like I’m being crucified between 2 full length mirrors showing me all my flab in heinous detail. He!! on earth. What was I thinking?

The tan looks great – maybe I’ll get one for my sister’s wedding next month.

Next errand on my vacation checklist (after I’d gone home, dried, and hosed the excess off in a shower): Wal-Rip. I needed 6 or 7 last minute things. First there is waiting at the deli counter for 20 minutes. I thought that was bad. Oh no, just the warm up.

There is (was?) this great Russian restaurant in San Francisco called Cinderella’s. The food was amazing. And they offered what my Russian instructor sardonically referred to as “Genuine Soviet Service.” Actually, service in the Soviet Union was better in my experience.

Anyhooo….. So, they’ve remodeled our local W-M, removing half the cash registers and replacing them with the self serve ones. Only the scanners don’t work very well and the one girl who is looking out for a 8 of these things is on the phone. I couldn’t help it – I let loose a loud “Jesus Christ!”, complete with sigh and eye rolling. The people in front of me wouldn’t look at me as they tried (in vain) to scan 67 little things of cross stitch thread. I wasn’t mad at them – the people next to us were having the same problem, only nobody was helping these people. You have no idea how close I was to walking out. If I had a machine gun, I would definitely remove the self checkouts in favor of the people they replaced. (For the record, the self checkouts at the local grocery work fine – W-M was being cheap by buying crappy ones I guess).

But I’m outta here in less than an hour! Woot!

Things I've Missed This Summer

I read this post this morning, and it reminded me why I love running. I go on and on about weights, because I do love them. But running doesn't always get so much press around here.

Summer has been hot. The weight room at the Y has been packed with annoying teenagers (while as individuals they might be fine, in large packs they quickly become obnoxious). It's been difficult for me to get out and do much running, other than an early morning quickie. When the temps hit the upper 90s or 100s, with the humidity at 80%, they're telling people NOT to go out & exercise.

All this adds up to workouts that have become rather perfunctory - I do them so I can lose more weight. But I seem to have misplaced my joy. And I've begun to get that frantic feel about losing the weight again - like, if I don't get below 150 by tomorrow, the world will end. I hate feeling like that. I continue to struggle to find the happy place between manic and apathetic.

I love summer, but now I am feeling ready for the fall. Ready to be able to go out & run for 2 or 3 hours without having heat stroke. I miss the time where it's just me & the thoughts in my head. When I don't feel so frantic to lose weight, get stuff done, etc. Time to slow down & enjoy the run.

Picture of the day

Brought to you by "Is it vacation yet??????"

Mom’s night off

Yes, I declared a mom’s night off last night. Food was heated up (I’d cooked it over the weekend) and TV was watched. I watched the interview with Lance Armstrong. I thought it was interesting to hear him talk about the different stages of the Tours he has won. Worth watching.

Then we watched “The Village”. I have to say it was totally not what I expected. A suspense flick for sure, I was thinking it was more along the lines of horror/supernatural. Not at all. Very good. Then we watched part of “Aliens” until time for bed. I love that flick. Bill Paxton has some of the funniest lines ever.

I wanted ice cream, and of course my husband was going to drive to the ice cream shop to get me some. I told him no, but I see a scoop of coffee ice cream in my future before too long.

I don’t like feeling low energy. Luckily it’s not permanent.

Food, Exercise, & My friend

So, I walked 3 times yesterday for a total of 6.5 miles. I also lifted weights (tris, bis, & shoulders). It was pouring rain this morning, so no run. :-( I’ll hit the elliptical or something when I go to the gym after work today.

Food yesterday was weird. Total calories: 1360. I did NOT plan enough food, and three times was so hungry I had to add in something. So, I was a bit unrealistic in my planning. However, I ate pretty darn healthy, so that is good. For the curious:

After run: popsicle (15) – extra – I woke up hungry
Breakfast: 2 scrambled eggs & beef chorizo (190)
Snack: 4 c air popped popcorn & baby carrots (85)
Lunch: green beans & okra from cafeteria (100), soy ‘chicken’ patty & dip (180)
Snack: 4 c air popped popcorn & nectarine (127)
Snack: chocolate milk (150) again, not planned
Snack: popsicle (15)
Dinner: Gorton’s grilled fish fillet (100), can of turnip greens (123)
Snack: fudgecicle & beer (NOT together!) (140)
Snack: tomato sandwich (125) – I could not go to bed this hungry. I just couldn’t

I am proud of how many veggies I ate and I limited my low quality carbs. Well, until that sandwich – I was so hungry and of course I never have any good snackie stuff in my house (with good reason!). Once I counted it all up, I realized there was plenty of room for a couple of add-ins. Everything is the same for the rest of the week, except lunch veggies are from home for the rest of the week, so they are lower calorie. I’ll probably have a sandwich again tonight – just not that close to bed (I think it was 8:30 or so when I ate that).

A friend of mine just had WLS. I think she is one of the people who will be successful with it. She is talking about how much she is looking forward to going running and was asking for web sites with food ideas etc. Several people here at work have had it now – the ones who embrace changing their life seem to do very well. The ones who don’t seem to struggle more.

I was reading the web site of a man who chose to follow the diet without having the surgery. He had the same loss as a WLS patient, without the cost, missing work, etc. Still, to follow a diet that strict is pretty amazing. I don’t think I could do it.

Please Pennsic don't be late!

Can't wait to get to vacation (which is currently occurring in my absence!)

Change Management

First, thanks for the encouraging words. It helps so much to know I have people rooting for me, who know what I’m going through.

If my weight problem were solely due to my husband’s behavior, then I would have lost all the weight while he was working out of town. His behavior does contribute, but I am responsible – both for my actions and also for the feelings that drive those actions.

But this has got me thinking about what a big change losing weight is for so many of us. And the biggest change isn’t the weight we lose – it’s the way we change: how we spend our time, the activities we want to take part in with friends & family, the way we eat, the way we view ourselves. Those are huge – and our spouse or kids or whoever, they didn’t sign up for it. It’s not like we held a committee meetings, looked at the long and short term outcomes, and had a vote. Let’s face it: I bet most people have no clue what they are signing up for when they decide to drop a few pounds. I had no idea how much my life would change.

Don’t get me wrong – all the changes are worth it, and for the better. I feel better, I look better, I’m healthier. I’m enjoying my life more. But I certainly understand when families get hurt or angry or just plain confused – they never saw it coming.

I had a nice weekend – food was good. Exercise was okay – 3 mile run Saturday, but hub rode without me yesterday. I had so much to do and so little time to do it (I worked 5 hours yesterday), so I told him to go ahead & bike without me. He really enjoyed it – it was a nice morning.

There is so much to do to get ready for this vacation. Son’s clothes are packed, the kitchen is packed, and I started on my clothes. The weather is so unpredictable, and I need clothes for working, fighting, and looking nice. It’s a lot of stuff to pack! Hub is making us some nice wooden camp chairs (I’ll take pictures Jack!) – he is nearly done with those.

I have a somewhat strict food plan for the week – we have a clan meal plan for next week. I helped plan the food, but I know I will eat more than normal (something about living outside) and not as well. Oh, and the alcohol will be flowing freely in the party atmosphere of camp every night. Luckily this is once a year!!

But for this week, I have my food all planned, purchased, & prepped for the week. I have set myself up for success, and I have given myself permission to weigh less than 150. That may sound silly, but like I’ve written before, I have a lot reasons to treat my extra weight as a security blanket. I feel a little like I’m 3 and giving up my wubby.

Here are some pics of the boy's room redo - didn't it come out great?

"The Talk"

So, I sat down & talked with hubby last night. He agreed that the issue isn't so much me losing weight, it's that in the evening when he wants to sit around & snack, he needs a "partner in crime" to help justify the behavior.

He has own food issues, and he needs to lose weight as well. I'd like for him to, but I can't control that. I make him healthy meals, try to encourage an active lifestyle (although I know I cross into "nagging" territory from time to time), and try to set a good example.

But I have food issues of my own I struggle with, and sometimes I can't be strong in the face of someone bringing home food & sticking it under my nose. Yes, having a husband does make it more difficult at times! :-)

I won't say the problem is solved, but I have raised his awareness of what he is doing and its effect on me. That is a step in the right direction.

Very nice evening last night. Dinner was broiled white fish and green beans. I did 50 minutes of cardio - a combo of biking and walking. When we realized we still had 50 minutes of the train wreck that is the movie "Alexander" remaining, we hit eject and watched an episode of "Forever Knight" instead. Life's too short to waste time watching a crappy movie. Really.

I got up this morning after re-setting the alarm. I decided I could afford to sleep until 6 before my long run. While sitting on the toilet, I realized that it wasn't Saturday - it was Friday! I never do that. Here's the funny thing. I re-set the alarm, got up to pee, and while I was sitting there I wondered about my weight. I realized I didn't know what it was because I hadn't weighed for the week (I have weighed myself on Friday for 3 years or so now). That's how I knew it wasn't Saturday. I'm not sure if that's funny or sad, but there it is.

I did weigh today - 150.5. No, I did not lose 5.5 pounds of fat in a week, but that shows how much water I was hanging onto. I am now sitting beside the proverbial virgin fat territory - yet again. Third time's a charm right? Oh 140s, I haven't seen you in nearly 5 years, but I've got a date with you next Friday!!!

Beyond mere frustration

I have decided that my husband doesn’t want me to lose weight. Why do I think this? Here is a fairly typical scenario that plays out all too often in our house:

I have certain trigger foods. I cannot banish them from the house. I have tried, but my husband agrees to do so, but then brings them home anyway. (And sometimes I do too even if I’ve banished them).

Instead, I’ve asked that we bring home one evening’s portion if it’s coming into the house. So, if we want cheesy poops (for a hypothetical example), then we will buy 2 single serving bags, or one “grab bag” and split it. We agree we will not purchase a big bag, because everything that comes into the house will be gone by bed, regardless of the quantity.

Husband agrees, but then comes home with the “family size” of last night's heinous trigger food of doom (yet again). Oh yeah, I won’t argue – I’m the one that shoveled the excess into my pie hole. But I didn’t bring it into the house. I’ve sat there in tears begging him not to bring it into the house, and then he does anyway. Last night at 2 am, utterly furious, I told my husband that next time he brings more than one evening’s portion into the house at a time, I will dispose of it. I will not allow it to remain.

I hate that there are certain things over which I apparently have no control. But keeping them out of the house DOES work. I just can’t get my husband to do that. It makes me want to cry – or hit him with a 2 by 4.

Splitting Headache and Eating Out

I slept in this morning, having woken up in the middle of the night with a splitting headache. Punishment for having a second beer last night???? Despite that, I did walk 2 miles this morning. Joking aside, I think it’s weather related as my sinuses feel pretty clogged today. But I’m glad I got my walk in.

We had a coupon for a free dinner at Seoul Garden which we used last night. Have you ever heard someone say “I love Italian (for example) food so much. I could live on it!” And you think “Yeah, right.” Well, I did live on Korean food when I lived in Hawaii, sushi and field exercises aside. And hub moonlighted for several years as a bouncer at a Korean club in DC, so he’s all about it too.

We both ordered bulgogi, which is like a grilled teriyaki beef dish – really good. The thing I love about Korean restaurants is that your dinner comes “pan chan” – with all these little bowls of different kinds of kim che, veggies, fish cake – usually 5 or 6 bowls of different stuff. Hub doesn’t like the traditional cabbage kim che, so I get it all to myself! I don’t think you’re supposed to wolf down the veggies while waiting for dinner, but we always do.

It was a super healthy dinner and we both really enjoyed the mid-week (almost mid-week) break. Veggies, grilled lean meat, and I did not eat all my rice. I think steamed white rice is the perfect starch. Any place where McDonald's offers steamed rice with breakfast is cool with me.

Typically I would order “chi ghe” – that is Korean for “nuclear stew.” Often I have seen chi ghe served in stone bowls with a lid. These bowls are placed into a river of molten lava, so that when your stew arrives it is literally boiling hot. Like, still doing a rolling boil in the bowl.

The stew itself is red due to all the peppers in it. Red broth, red-crusted ingredients. It usually contains some meat, tofu, kim che, other veggies etc. Some places let you specify how hot you want it. If you need it mild, don’t order it. Mild chi ghe is still nuclear. Also, don’t tick off your waitress before she brings it. She will very likely go to the back, pull out the pot they are cooking for their dinner, and serve you some of that as punishment. It will be so spicy the inside of your mouth will disintegrate, but you will have to eat it all with a smile or lose face after arguing with her when she asserts “White people no eat chi ghe.” Ask me how I know this.

But it was too hot to eat chi ghe, so I had bulgogi. They brought lettuce leaves to make wraps. I have never seen that before. So I don’t know if that’s traditional or not.

I sure do talk about food a lot. No wonder I’m overweight!

I did have a second beer while watching the end of “Rose Red” (pretty good flick, but I wish they had gotten into the characters more). But no munchies to go with it – so not too bad. We needed a night to eat a nice meal together & go home & die on the sofa. Hub worked late & I had errands to run after work, so we were spent. Back to the salt mines tonight – front lawn needs cutting and the kitchen needs to be bombed. Er, cleaned.

Dangerous Liasons

I don't know how to break the news, but I've been seeing other vending machines.

I'm not one to visit the vending machine often - an occasional meeting every 2 weeks or so. But today, oh today I really wanted some buffalo pretzels (crack must be the main ingredient). Not seeing any in my first floor vending machine, I grabbed my wallet and went hiking. I found some, but the vending machine wanted exact change. How rude! I of course came all the way back to my desk, rooted around for change, and went back.

What is sitting in my lunchbox is worth 135 calories. What I ate had 280 calories. So I can either skip my evening snack (as if!), eat less dinner, or burn 150 calories on the dreadmill. Where are my running shoes??????

Another Good Run

Good morning! I dragged my butt out of bed for an excellent 3 miler this morning. The cooler weather (only 90!) seems to be helping. Although my afternoon bike ride yesterday did not go well. I think the air quality is still too poor for me to be outside exercising in the afternoon. So, mornings it is.

I am trying to give to give myself a little "snack" every evening while we are watching tv. Sometimes I want more, but I remind myself that I can have more - tomorrow night. Knowing I don't have to wait until the weekend and doling it out a little at a time seems to be working.

Last night we made the valences for the boy's room - they look good! And we watched some more "Rose Red". I think we'll finish tonight - it was a mini-series. I'm enjoying it, but it is long enough that it has to be spread out over several nights.

I made stir fry for dinner last night - that was really good. Hub picked up some hot & sour soup to go with it. So that was a very tasty & very healthy dinner. Not cooking much this week. Taking a break from it until school starts back up. So, I'm sticking to simple stuff.

Tonight is lifting weights.

Neca’s “I Need Chocolate” Muffins

I made this recipe up this weekend. These are healthy enough for breakfast, but decadent enough to fill in when the only thing keeping you from re-enacting a scene from “The Road Warrior” with your minivan is some chocolate!

1 c + 2 T buttermilk
1 c oats
½ c packed brown sugar
¼ c splenda
½ c oat bran flour
½ c whole wheat flour
½ c cocoa powder
½ t salt
1 ½ t baking powder
½ t baking soda
snack cup apple sauce (1/3 c I think)
3 T mini chocolate chips
2 oz chopped nuts (optional)

Note: You can use any kind of flour – I used this to up the fiber.

Pour buttermilk over oats & let stand for 5 minutes.
Stir in the egg, sugar, splenda, & cocoa powder.
Next add apple sauce, then all dry ingredients but flour. Then add flour & mix.
Add nuts & chips last.

Spoon into 12 muffin cups & bake at 400 degrees for 18 minutes.

No Chain

I dunno the running equivalent for that cycling phrase, but that was my Saturday run. 5 miles of effortless joy. Reasonable eating this weekend - not always the healthiest choice, but moderation in all choices. Didn't get to ride yesterday - it rained all day! :-( Gonna try again after work today.

I'll post more later. Just wanted to thank you for the comments. For the record, I weigh once a week on Fridays. I try not to be a slave to the scale, but sometimes I do let it get me down. I weighed this morning and was down those 2 pounds. Still have plenty of work to do (14 pounds or so), but that reinforced what I knew Friday: water weight.

It's not so much the scale, it's that despite my best efforts, I haven't beaten this emotional eating thing. I'm beginning to think I'll never really beat it - just get it mostly under control. On the plus side, I don't have to worry about getting a DWI after scoring a 6 pack of ice cream treats. *lol*