"New Year, New You"

That's the headline over at msn.com, and that's the rub isn't it? Some people gain a little weight because they are busy or something happens, and then they realize it, tighten up, and lose it.

But for some of us, we identify ourselves as "the fat girl." Or boy. But that's who we are. We eat for emotional reasons, maybe have an eating disorder, but we get some payoff from remaining overweight - and it's who we are. Remove my fat, you take away my identity.

Sometimes I go along and lose a fair amount of weight. But as soon as I realize I'm approaching my own mental FEBA (forward edge of the battle area) of 150, the kiss of death occurs for my program as I go into red alert and every system is employed to get us back up to a "safe" weight.

I've analyzed the underlying causes, I've faced many fears this year. The war between "fit girl" and "fat girl" has raged most of the year. Fit girl has held what she has but hasn't really gained any ground.

I won't say this is the year I do it - I can't look up at that goal line, it's too scary. Instead I'm going to watch my feet, point them in the right direction, and take a baby step.

Want a really cool read on dealing with emotions from a Buddhist perspective? Check it out: http://www.hussmanfitness.org/html/TMEmotional.html

I don't mean this to be a downer. I'm not down. I recognize that the end game is just too scary for me to handle right this minute, but I can handle the next 5 pounds.

Legally blond, the fitness juxtaposition, and a year end review

Since I have several thoughts to share, I’ll just use the good old bullet format so I don’t actually have to write transitions. Yes, I am feeling that lazy.

Legally blond

Remember the song “Cause I’m a Blond" from the movie “Earth Girls are Easy”? You don’t? Then never mind. The point being that I am a total flake. If it weren’t for notepads, I’d never get anything done. We are going out of town on 2 weekends in January – once up to Ohio to stay with friends and beat on them with sticks, and the second trip is to Maryland to visit the brother of hub & his family. We won’t hit them with sticks. Naturally I booked the hotel in Maryland for the weekend we will be in Ohio. Thank goodness Frederick Md isn’t a terribly popular destination (I hope). Should be able to correct that error.

On a completely unrelated note, does it mean anything when you wake up dreaming about giant bug-like space aliens attacking the earth and the army trying to fight them? The army was passing out frozen eggnog.

The fitness juxtaposition

I was thinking last night in the tub. Right now I am overweight. Am I fit? What is fit? I can bench press over 100 pounds. I can squat a couple hundred. I can jog/walk (mostly walk) several miles. But I don’t feel like I can say “Yes, I am fit.” I feel like I am neither fit nor unfit, just in the spot in between. The truth is I am fitter than I was when I was stationed in Germany, and I managed to get a decent score on the Army fitness test back then. I run slower, but I can run farther. I can do as many pushups and situps as I could back then (although not as many as I could at my peak fitness in Hawaii or Texas). Part of the reason is because of my weight. I don’t think I believe I can be truly fit unless I am at a healthy weight (defined by my bodyfat % & provided by my doctor). Fit & overweight? Not me. I can’t believe that for myself.

Year end review: the good, the bad, & the ugly (in reverse order!).

The ugly:

Last week the scale said 154, this morning it said 156. Oh my God. I wasn’t that bad this week! To date, my weight loss looks like this:

2001: 6 pounds,
2002: 1.5 pounds
2003: 11.5 pounds
2004: 2.5 pounds
2005: 0.5 pounds.

Ouch. Last week that would have been 2.5 pounds. I would have been okay with that. I need some of that ’03 mojo back. Had I lost 2.5 pounds, I could be philosophical and point out that while the weight isn’t falling off, I’ve consistently lost for several years and that I am headed in the right direction. Right now I just feel like a dork. A pudgy dork. Who ate a greasy sandwich for breakfast. A stupid pudgy dork who needs to adjust her attitude!

The bad:

Two words: my family. If you’ve been reading long enough, you know what I am talking about. I end the year cut off from half my biological family. Their loss, but I won’t say I’m not still angry about this one.

The good:

Several factors pushed me out of my comfy complacent little shell and I “spur of the moment” applied for two jobs, one of which I got. Same company of course – I love this place! I am just moving upstairs – I’ve packed up most of my stuff & moved it to my new office already. I’m looking at something like a 14 or 15% salary increase next year. Some of that is going into ye olde retirement fund, but that’s pretty good IMO.

My mom retired, my marriage is good, my son is healthy & doing well in school. Life is good in all the areas that matter.

Other than the “food storage facility” around my waist, life is pretty good. Must keep perspective.

Unleash your creative energy - draw on the walls!

Weights are on hold this week. :-( Before the boy gets back and we get back into the usual routine, I want to accomplish 2 things: 1) get the house put back together and 2) finish drawing on my kitchen walls.

This is a project I've had in my head for a while. I am using an overhead projector to trace celtic knotwork designs onto the band of blank wall space above the cabinets & doorways in the kitchen. Right now I am still in the drawing process. Then I will paint. It's either gonna look fabulous or bizarre. If its the latter, I'll just use the solid color wall paint to hide my experiement gone awry.

I am still walking, and food is back on track. But weights & extra cardio have to wait while I have the overhead projector out on loan. And I am going to finally upload my pics that I've been promising for forever so you can see the valences I made for the living & dining rooms.

No worries - I think I've finally got a resonable school week schedule going on that will let me get to the gym and my beloved iron more. And I'm reading a chapter of Dave Draper a night to keep me inspired. I have two of his books - I highly recommend them. You can order them over at davedraper.com.

See ya!

Just a quickie

I hope everyone had a great weekend/holiday/etc. Mine was very nice. My sneaky family bought me a cuckoo clock! I have been wanting one for years - I almost bought myself one while on vacation in Bavaria many years ago. It was a real surprise!

The boy's big gift was a Nintendo DS - the new generation of Gameboy. He was pretty excited about that. Don't worry - he got plenty of other stuff too. That was the biggest thing - I don't believe in spending a fortune at Christmas. Saturday we went to the afternoon church service, then a light supper over at my mom's, and then we rode around a looked at Christmas lights. After that, we got my mom's dogs & all went over to our place. What fun! How can you not be happy with a lapful of doggies? :-)

Oh, and Friday we went out to the fondue restaurant for a belated job celebration. The thing is, because you are cooking your dinner at the table, you are eating for about 1.5 hours or so. You don't feel like you've eaten a lot, but its more than you think. And it starts with cheese fondue and ends with chocolate fondue - can I just say I had a serious tummy ache? But the food was really good, just waaaay richer than I am used to! Actually, the overeating started Friday and didn't end until bedtime last night. I'm not waiting until the new year - the gym bag is in the car!!!!

The boy's on vacation, and so are we!

The boy is on vacation this week and next. Since the hub and I have been working, he has been bouncing between grandma & grandpa. This week my day has gone something like this: wake up at 6 or so, head to office. Leave office, go to gym. Lift & do cardio for an hour. Head home for a bath & a Lean Cuisine. Watch a movie. Lather, rinse, repeat! I never knew people had this kind of free time! Woo hoo! I've missed him (don't worry - he's coming home for the weekend of course! :-), but I must admit I feel like I'm getting as much of a break as he is.

Went to the gym yesterday afternoon for shoulders & core, followed by 30 rockin' minutes on the elliptical. No cardio tonight because I am doing legs and that will wear my butt (and the rest of my lower body) out!

Tonight we are going out for our family "Neca got a new job" celebration at the fondue place here in town. I am looking forward to it! Mom & the boy are coming with us, of course.

I weighed 154 this morning - same as 2 weeks ago. While I'm not exactly losing vast amounts of weight, holding my own is a victory. Next week I will post my total loss for the year, and years past for the curious.

Have a great weekend/holiday/whatever you celebrate!

In Honor of Chris

Chris Brogan has taken his fitness blog and morphed it into an overall "self improvement" blog. I have a link to his blog, go check it out! I found some very good links to a couple of sites concerning Power Point presentations, the bane of my existence. (smirk).

In keeping with that spirit, here's a link to some of my favorite office inspirational quotes:
http://www.despair.com/viewall.html Enjoy!

p.s. Please don't kill me Chris! :-)

The gym report

That whole putting the gym bag in the car technique worked awesome yesterday, meaning I actually went to the gym! Yesterday was biceps & triceps – when I am lifting, my arms look fantastic. If I could lose some fat they would rule. Seriously.

After lifting I did 30 minutes on the treadmill. There was no good show on, and I was really flagging there at the 20 minute mark. But then the “Rocky” theme came on the trusty MP3 player, followed by the theme from “Blade II”. Let’s just say the final 2 minutes was me running up a 10% grade at 5 mph. I felt amazing! I can’t believe I am running on a treadmill. The same girl that last winter was so proud of the fact that I ran outside all winter!?!? But I tell ya, when I wake up its like 16 degrees and I’m like “no way.” We’ll see how long it lasts – the first day I bail I will make myself run in the neighborhood, which I utterly despise doing in the afternoon. Do ask why. For one, I hate for people to see me – I like to be out there alone. I am a freak.

Dinner was a South Beach frozen whole wheat crust pizza with a big salad on the side. I added a little garlic powder & some red pepper flakes. YUM!

Last night we watched “Serenity”. My husband totally loves the show and was dying to see the movie. This is a show that on paper looks like I should adore it. And I do like a lot of the characters, it just never really clicked with me. Anyway, pretty good movie even if you’ve haven’t watched the show. Tonight’s movie special is “Nightmare Before Christmas.” We’ve been ripping through that Netflix queue, but since it has about 90 movies in it, I think we’re safe for a bit.

Getting the gym bag in the car is a critical step!

So, I left my gym bag at home yesterday morning. I was running late, and walked right past the darn thing. Arg!! Yesterday afternoon, I had a couple of errands to run before I went home. Naturally, by then I really wasn’t up to going to the gym so I took a bath instead. The good news is twofold: I didn’t follow that up with overeating and also, I left the house this morning WITH my gym bag. No worries – 4 out of 5 days is still darn good!

We watched “The Brothers Grimm” last night – it was pretty cute. Here’s the sad part though: after watching “Team America”, every time I see Matt Damon I turn to my husband, replicate that blank look of the Matt Damon puppet, and say “Matt Damon.” We probably did that 15 times during the movie last night. I’ll never look at poor Matt Damon the same way again after that movie. But the Brothers Grimm was pretty cute – not appropriate for young kids though (much like the original stories!).

I sure hope there is something interesting on the t.v. at the gym so I can manage some cardio – I hate running in the daylight hours and the mornings have been a bit too chilly lately!

Untie those “nots”

Lee wrote a terrific post about achievements. Go read it! I’ll still be here. (Go!) See how she turns that “not” around? I love it! I was getting a little blue about the things I hadn’t done this year. Then I started thinking about the bad things I haven’t done either: I have NOT: regained the weight I’ve lost, returned to my crappy eating habits (for more than a few days at the max anyway!), abandoned my exercise, quit planning and preparing healthy meals for my family. All of a sudden, I feel pretty far ahead in the game.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love lifting weights? Like most working moms, I struggle with fitting in gym time, but when I go I’m in heaven! Like yesterday afternoon for example. I love working my back & chest – I feel so powerful moving around lots of heavy iron. I get a warm fuzzy Conan feeling inside. :-) Then I got on the treadmill. Stop laughing – yes I did! And thanks to the “Dirty Harry” marathon on the USA network, I managed to stay on board for 30 minutes! After that I went home, had a healthy supper (salmon patties, baked sweet potato, and salad), then plonked down to watch “White Christmas” while finishing up the cards with the hubster. He made me skip the musical numbers, but it was still good.

I slept in this morning – I was tired (I moved a lot of iron!), it was cold outside, and my Chihuahua was using her “Reiki paws of power” ™ to keep me warm & drowsy. But that’s cool cause the boy is with grandpa, and the gym is there for me this afternoon. Have I ever mentioned how much I love working biceps? It makes me feel like Conan. :-)

The weatherman was wrong!!!

We didn't get any of the nasty Mr. Weatherman was calling for! Yay! I ran on Saturday and walked outside Sunday. I was feeling a little down & lethargic, but just a little time fast walking in the bright sunshine fixed me right up.

Weekend was good. Eating was better and the gym bag is in the car. The boy is off with the grandparents this week, so I bought Lean Cuisines to eat for dinner (with a salad) and made a big pot of chili for the hub. I'll make him a pot of chicken & dumplings mid-week. That should help get some of the bloat off. Could I have eaten better this weekend? Yeah, but it was a vast improvement over the last week or so.

Hub & I made a decision - we spend too much of our weekend time doing chores around the house and not enough time on fun stuff. So we've agreed to spend 15 minutes each evening (the whole family) tidying up a bit around the house. That's 45 minutes per night - that has to make the weekend easier. Between doing all the housework, planning, shopping for, and pre-cooking for the weeks meals, and errands, there isn't a lot of time left for fun. And I need fun!

I'm hitting the gym every day after work this week doing a body part a day plus some HIIT. Yow!

Runners who Rock

Bless Jack for mentioning me in this fun new meme. I needed the motivation – we’ve had ice here, so no exercise has occurred. But, sun this afternoon should clear the roads for a morning run tomorrow! Of course, then they are saying more ice Sunday. :-(

The Mission:
1. Create a post titled Runners Who Rock.
2. List three runners who rock and tell us why they rock. Make sure you provide a link to their blog!
3. Tell those three runners about the meme and tag them so they can keep it going.
4. Link to runners who rock and to the blogger who tagged you so we get a ping and can keep track of all the participants!

I would put Jack high on my list – despite the weather, swimming, whatever, that man has gone from couch spud to marathoner with lightening speed. His enthusiasm for running is infectious! But since he tagged me and I can’t put him, here is my list:

VJ may not technically be a runner (she’s a walker), but creative ways of incorporating exercise into her lifestyle is always on her brain. She has Christmas lights on her bicycle!

Lynne was one of the first running blogs I ever read. But hers isn’t just a running blog – she hikes and canoes and camps & is generally the kind of outdoorswoman I aspire to be. She can articulate why I love to run. While she doesn't post as often any more, her gems are worth the wait.

Lee again was an early blogger I read who showed me that there are plenty of moms roughly my age out there who are kicking butt in the gym & on the roads. From a lady scared of a bike turned spinning instructor, Lee is proof that you can make your fitness dreams your reality.

Way to go! Reads like these are why I know that while I may struggle with my weight goal, I will NEVER give up my new lifestyle.

Exploding Pants

How sad is it that I was much happier at yesterday's holiday luncheon where the food was utter crap? Today's food was yummy and I ate too much!!! Ice on ground, no exercise can occur (it's too dangerous to go to the gym even!). Sheesh. I think I'll pretty much skip dinner tonight!

More Human

Hello. I am beginning to feel more like a human being. I have not been to the gym. I haven't not exercised other than walking. Eating hasn't been all that, but I'll be climbing on the scale come Friday. I hope to feel up to lifting Saturday. I hate feeling like a bag of cat barf.

I ordered a great poster of a Tahitian beach for my new office. :-) And I am pestering the support dept about my new laptop. I have a case of the "short timers".

Blech.

I’m not feeling so hot – took a half day off yesterday and didn’t even make the boy’s Christmas program at school. I hope to feel human in the next couple of days, until then “blah!”. On a brighter note, I got all my Christmas shopping done, and everything but one gift is wrapped. Ha!

Movin' On Up

Hub starts his new job Monday. :-) This is the kind of work he enjoys (high end residential remodel & repair), an excellent salary, and a company that appears stable. Those three items coming together seems to be very rare (at least where we live!), so I am very excited for him.

In related news, I also have a new job (hence some of the stress this week!). It's a promotion to a new position in a new department, but with the same company. Very exciting, lots of changes, new boss, new friends, lots to learn etc. I've been in the same position 6 years, so this is huge for me!

Thanks for all the good thoughts - they seem to have paid off!

Hello there.

Dorky husband + work stress = 3 beers & saltines. There, I said it. I ate it. Forgive me blogfather, for I have noshed. I ran 2 miles for penance (and they felt good!). I will go forth and eat only the healthy food which I have prepared for the day.

Lynne wrote a great post (see link on side.) I have included a portion here (but please go read her whole post) because the words she wrote are so universal. I have a friend in a wheelchair, and my thoughts are with him for a portion of every run I do. If I could sit in his chair for a time so he could run, I would gladly do so.

"I run because I am able. There are millions of people who do not have the use of their legs who would love to be able to run. Because I have the use of my legs, I should use them.

I run for all of the people who say, "Wow, I could never do that," including the fat chick I used to be. As long as one says "I could never," one never will.

I run because I figured out that the only thing stopping me from running was me.

I run because running has allowed me to visit places I never would have dreamed of previously.

I have more reasons, but I also have to run to a meeting. Excuse me now."

Thanks for the inspiration Lynne. I can't wait to run tomorrow!

"Situation Normal. We're all fine here, how 'bout you?"

That's a line from the first "Star Wars" movie - remember the scene where Han & Luke are busting Leia out of the detention cell? Ah, youth. :-)

Seriously though, things are okay. Hub is working, I am exercising, stress has not caused me to fall into any pizzas or kegs, although I am using the heck out of my garden tub! He had an interview this morning he said sounded promising, so I am hoping good things are around the corner for us.

What's up with Blogger not wanting to take you to someone's blog on the first try? Is it just me?

Food's okay and my gym bag is in the car. I am sure I am much more exciting when angst fuels my creative juices, but right now I'm just in my little WW rut. Frankly, I wouldn't mind staying here for a while.

Take care all!

Not much new

Didn't make the gym yesterday. Boy wasn't feeling well after his flu shot, and I was stuck in traffic forever trying to get home thatnks to the president visiting our little town yesterday. Given my activities over the weekend, a day off isn't that bad.

I was down 2.2 pounds at WW today. Yay me!

It was icy this morning, so running will occur tonight.

Carmen seemed like she wasn't feeling all that hot this morning, and hub doesn't know if he has any work for the rest of the week. Sigh. But eating chocolate won't help either of those things now, will it????

Sometimes continuing is a victory itself

I had a total binge yesterday afternoon, set up in the typical way: too much work left for not enough weekend left. It involved Mexican & beer, and I probably went a good 15-20 points over for the week. So, this morning I woke up an immediately begin beating myself up (as usual). What is unusual is that I rejected that line of thinking. I immediately called up a few facts:

- I had an amazing workout at the gym Saturday morning! I was there an hour – it was just me & the hub, and I could have worked out forever! It felt fantastic. I left there feeling like an animal – I focused on back & chest, but got in a great total body workout.

- We went out of town for the day Saturday, and despite stops at Jack in the Box and Dunkin’ Donuts, I stuck with my plan. I enjoyed what I had, used a few flex points, but kept track.

- Sunday I got up and ran! It was the first “long” run of Galloway’s marathon plan (2 miles), but I did the whole first week of the plan. Instead of lamenting how far my running has fallen off, I’m just glad to be back at it again.

- I am signed up for a spinning class tonight, and plan on taking the 30 min ab class beforehand.

I can still succeed at losing weight and gaining healthy without being “perfect” (whatever that is). It happened, and as much as I hate that, I can’t undo it. I can just keep on trying to make better choices.

How was your weekend?

Sorry bout that

Didn’t mean to not post yesterday, I just got busy. I ran again yesterday morning, walked at lunch, and hit the gym after work. It must’ve been a good workout because I was so tired this morning! I went to bed at 9, and barely dragged my butt up at 5:45. That is a sign that I had a good session at the gym. I did shoulders, back, and abs. Tomorrow morning I am doing a total body before heading out to Greenville SC for the day.

My husband’s work is a little hit & miss right now – the last 2 weeks have been mostly “miss”, but next week looks like it will be better. Exercise and meditation is keeping him more positive than he would have been in the past, and I am keeping positive too. Freaking out won’t help a thing, but it is hard I’ll admit. I’ve eaten well all week, haven’t had a beer since Sunday, and seen to have found some energy. Motivation is still lacking, but if I waited for motivation, I’d look like Jabba the Hut!

I slept in today because 1) I was pooped! And 2) I’ll be getting up early both days this weekend. I will walk at lunch and do something this evening. Dinner is in the crockpot, so I’m sure I’ll appreciate that when I get home!

Last night I used the turkey broth to make the best chicken & rice soup in the crockpot. Tonight is chicken & dumplings, and tomorrow when we get home I have some leftover beef vegetable from earlier in the week. The soup diet! Ha!

Wednesday

This week is going fast. So, food was fine yesterday thanks. Stuck to my points like a good girl. I walked at lunch yesterday, then got up to walk again this morning. Even though we are having a pizza party for lunch today at the office, I brought in a mini “chef” salad (protein, but no cheese and low cal dressing) to go with one slice of veggie pizza. I’ll be able to stay within my points again today.

Physically, I am feeling better already. Emotionally, a little blah. Money is waaaaay tight right now due to hub’s work getting spotty (all too common this time of year in construction/remodeling), and Carmen is having a tough time. I am calling the vet this morning to see if we should bring her back in. She’s not wanting to eat, and is still having a tough time due to poor balance.

A run report, a link, & the random walk

I got a comment regarding my Starbucks post, where the commenter agreed that they didn’t like that you had to specify so many things about your drink. It goes back to my post about choices yesterday. Another good point from my comments (I love comments – they are so helpful!) was that too many choices in anything could be bad – money, clothes, whatever. I agree. To Jack’s point, without setting boundaries or structure, we in effect lack goals. Its like the “random walk” problem in statistics: How long does it take to get from a to b if at every step you are equally likely to walk in any possible direction? The point being it takes an awfully long time to get anywhere if there isn’t anything keeping you going in the right direction!

So yesterday I wrote down my food, and ate within my points. I went to the gym and lifted weights. It felt good. I’m still down. I have stress in my life right now. But the structure helped keep me moving in the right direction. Structure creates the freedom from getting bogged down in the minutae.

People, it was 62 when I went running at 5 am this morning! Forget about shock over the temperature (But we all know it can’t be global warming because George Bush says that’s not real! :-) – I ran! I did my run/walk alternating bit for 2 miles. It felt great, even though I got soaked in the rain. Amazing what a little exercise can do for ya.

Here is a great link I got over at the Skinny Daily – why am I reading so many things by Buddhists lately? It’s about mindfulness:

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/gate/archive/2005/11/28/findrelig.DTL

2 for the price of 1

Debra wrote a great post today (which is no different from any other day really) and you should read it! She talks about the importance of setting boundaries and how freeing she finds this. I can relate. I believe we humans were never meant to process the amount of information or choices to which we are regularly subjected. Our brains go into sensory overload. This is the only possible reason I have to explain how I can wander around a house which contains hundreds of movies, CDs, and even more hundreds of books, oh yeah, and craft projects, and still feel bored. It’s like its so much I can’t take it all in.

Which is why I’m glad I’m back at the office, with my cheesy little Weight Watchers food tracker and my points counting and the absence of food other than what I packed in my lunchbox. Too many choices is dangerous for me. I choose it all!

It’s also why I am going to start a marathon training program again. I haven’t picked a marathon to run, but without that structure my running (“running” – there’s a joke – leisurely strolls when the fancy strikes is more accurate) suffers. I plan to start this weekend, use Galloway’s “newbie” schedule, and once I get to 15 miles or so, pick a marathon & commit. I’ve got to do something before my idea of exercise degenerates to driving to the gas station for a 6 pack.

Look for genuine run reports to start appearing soon!

Just a quickie

1) The 24 hour access door at the gym is broken! A couple of cardio workouts, but no weights all weekend! Gah! Which I really needed because

2) My sweet doggie Carmen had another stroke. :-( She is feeling better, but is recovering much more slowly this time. I wish I had used the gym instead of the fridge for stress relief. I'm so glad to be back at work and away from the kitchen!

The pies and the T-day meal were a big hit. It was a nice holiday. I feel like I got a real break from work, which was nice. But I am glad to have the structure back.

Take care all!

Starbucks Virgin Discovers New Vice!

Darn that HungryGirl! I got an email yesterday talking about the grande pumpkin spice frappacino light for less than 200 calories. So, while I was driving around yesterday looking for the store to pick up my mom’s birthday gift (I knew the road and general area, but hadn’t been over that way in a while) and I drove past a Starbuck’s, I stopped in… Oh my! Yum! And I don’t even like coffee! My only peeve? Why would you put whipped cream on top of a light drink? I didn’t know I had to specify “no whipped cream”, but I just scraped it off into the trash.

I went to WW yesterday – her scale had me down 1.8 pounds (153.2, compared with 152.5 last Friday before breakfast on the work scale. WW weighs before lunch). Not bad. I am counting my points like a good girl, and only used 1 Flex point yesterday. Exercise still sucks a$$ though, I won’t lie. Well, it would suck if it existed. Sigh. Tomorrow early I am hitting the gym!!! And hub is going to Bikram yoga. Must make time for myself! I am also going to a walk this afternoon. “Quitting is not an option” was the theme of our meeting yesterday. I needed that meeting.

I baked 2 pumpkins yesterday, so I have plenty of pumpkin to make a couple of extra pies for my mom to take with her to the nursing home. She is taking Thanksgiving dinner to my grandma & the husband of another lady over there. There are folks there that don’t have anyone to bring them Thanksgiving dinner. I can’t make a whole meal for all the residents, but I can make darn sure they & the staff have some homemade pumpkin pie made with fresh pumpkin from the local farmer’s market. Maybe I’ll pick up a few apples as well, and make my apple cranberry walnut pie too.

I have suckage in my life, just like we all do. A good chunk of my family is that special mean kind of dysfunctional and money is tighter than is comfortable. But I have many things to be thankful for. I can make these folks a few pies. I have a nice job where I can use some vacation to take some time off today and do some cooking.

Would you like a muffin?

We are taking care of my MIL’s doggie – he is the brother of our dog Bess. They are both little (10 pounds), and it has been so funny to watch the way she is territorial of her “parents”, her place on the bed, everything. My dogs make me smile.

This morning, the boy & I are at the table having breakfast. I made a batch of “one point” muffins to go with breakfast. Hub walks across the kitchen, with a vegetable bag in his hand. I ask him “Where are you going with the whole bag of muffins?” Only to realize he had just cleaned the littler box. Ugh, no thanks. I don’t care for those sprinkles!

I wrote down my points for yesterday, but exercise is still not on track! I am getting very frustrated – this whole new afternoon routine is not working very well for me. I’ve got to get it figured out! My exercise is totally hit or miss, which is very frustrating!

I wish I had something wonderful to post, but I just needed to vent my exercise frustration!!!

3 months in just one weekend!

I sure crammed a lot into this weekend. The boy’s tae kwon do test (which he passed), shopping for and taking him to a birthday party – not just any party either. His girlfriend’s party. Yes, at (almost) 11, he has his first “girlfriend.” And my MIL had to put her dog to sleep Saturday night. He has been with her through a couple of moves, a rough divorce, etc, so he has truly been her best friend. It was tremendously difficult.

I had a lot of fun working on two single block quilt square wall hangings for a family friend. That was very relaxing. I am glad we got up and walked Saturday morning as that was the only exercise we got this weekend. Hub worked Saturday, and then wound up working most of Sunday as well. That wasn’t planned, but they decided to go ahead & get this job finished up. It worked out fine. We had gotten up early Saturday, walked, and gotten the house mostly cleaned before he left. It felt so good to spend the weekend puttering around a clean house.

Food was okay – I ate more than I do during the week, but no out of control episodes. Socks spent some time walking around the house when the dogs were outside. Butchie still hasn’t gotten used to her, but we’re still working on that.

That’s about it. Planned the Thanksgiving meal & did the shopping for that. Our next door neighbors are coming over, so that should be nice.

When did I stop noticing the roses?

I had a very profound conversation with my husband last night. What prompted it isn’t important to anyone but us, but what we had to say serves as a poignant reminder about the inherent frailty of humans and their relationships.

In a nutshell, we’ve both been so focused on our own worries and esteem issues, that we’ve somehow failed to support each other. Like two oxen, bound together pulling the cart, but somewhere the ropes came undone and we’re each in our own little world, trying to pull the load on our own.

Writing that makes me profoundly sad. We love each other and we both deserve better, but we’ve both been too tired, too hurt, too busy to notice, let alone put a stop to it. But we noticed. And we’re putting a stop to it. Even in a good marriage, a solid marriage, indifference can be the silent killer. I am thankful we noticed. I am thankful we know some things to do to turn this around now.

Today the scale read 152 – that’s down 2.5 pounds from last Friday. I plan to carry that into next Tuesday’s WW meeting.

Have a great weekend.

Feeling Good

A little more positive today, despite the fact I seem to be coming down with a cold. I got home to a working toilet and clean bathroom yesterday. Hub is working today. I got up and walked this morning, even after I told myself I could sleep in if I wanted.

I recently ordered 3 meditation CDs from http://www.brainsync.com/. I highly recommend their discs – I ordered 1 guided meditation (which I have been listening to in the evening), 1 just music (put on going to bed), and 1 subliminal message disc (I have been using at work). Either due to my hormones leveling out, meditation, or whatever, I am feeling better. I don’t want to forget about the bad things in my life, but I am looking forward to the day when painful events are further toward the back of my brain.

Is anyone concerned about Thanksgiving? I’m pretty lucky – no one is going to push me to eat, and since I’m doing most of the cooking, I know the food will be basically healthy. I am hoping for good weather so we can take a nice walk around the neighborhood. The Y always had a class that morning, but my new gym is closed Thursday and Friday – the goobers. My MIL is going out of town this year (at least, I think so), which means a small, casual long weekend. I am looking forward to it very much.

I am also looking forward to this weekend. Boy’s tae kwon do test Saturday, hub is working that afternoon – I plan to putter around the house, tidying up a bit, but also chilling out, getting a haircut, and hitting the gym. Sunday is shopping and cooking, but there won’t be much prep work since I’ll be prepping again on Wednesday. So that’s nice.

Looks like we will be out of town 2 Saturdays in a row, then for a whole weekend. Gotta figure out when I’m going to make holiday gifts (soap, etc.). I am not doing any cross stitch ornaments this year I don’t think. I also have two quilt squares to make sometime. Need to make my list, check it twice, and start getting on some of that stuff. Thanksgiving weekend would be a good time to do that. I love laying all the homemade gifts out on the dining room table to be wrapped. It makes me feel good. I don’t give a lot of expensive gifts, most of our holiday budget goes for the boy, but we have such a good time making stuff together. One year he invited a friend over to make Christmas cookies – they had so much fun! I love stuff like that.

Really

There are times when I truly despise my hormones. I realize I turn into a raving lunatic, but really, what kind of person puts kitty litter crusted kitty poo down a toilet even after his wife has told him it would stop up the toilet? If I weren’t so cranky, I would be laughing my butt off at my husband right now. I can hear his inner Neanderthal now “Og say no need put poo in bag and carry to trash can. Just dump poo in toilet next to litter box. Toilet made for poo, right? “ My inner good husband would say “Yes, but wife said it would stop up the toilet.” Og would respond “Take away her shoes and make her cook chicken pot pie. Og know what he doing.” I wonder how late my husband was up, trying to unstop the toilet with a not-quite-long-enough snake???? One day this will be funny, but not to-day. BTW, he has had to take up the toilet to get it unclogged.

Luckily my meditation CDs arrived – I meditated for 30 minutes and that seemed to help. My husband is miserable this week, and I am trying not to make him feel worse. Although I am feeling pretty rough myself, so it’s just hard all around.

I had a great breakfast this morning! Cooked ¼ c oats & added some mixed berries, sugar free pancake syrup, and 3 walnut halves. Then made and egg & egg white omelet with a slice of cheese. Very satisfying!

It was very blustery when I got up and walked this morning, but very warm at 65 degrees. Strange weather. Still hanging in there with WW. I maintained last week, and really, given my hormones, that’s pretty good this week.

Who do you want to be when you grow up?

I always hated the questions "What do you want to be when you grow up?" A car is a what, a person is a who. To use what is to imply that you are identifying yourself by an inanimate object.

Having cleared up the grammar, it's a question I've been thinking about. Not so much in relation to my job (that's a post for another day), but more in terms of my behaviors. "I want to be a person who...." It all comes back to being a person at peace with her self and her body.

Jack sent me a very throughful comment regarding yesterday's post, reminding me that anger isn't useful and encouraging me to look for the silver lining. My first response was "What silver lining? No way!" There is a hole in my heart, where a father's love for his daughter should be. But that was never filled, through no fault of mine.

But there is a silver lining. I have taken every parenting lesson my father taught me, turned it around, and used it on my son. For example, my dad used to always tell me how important fitness was - then I would be forced to sit, bored out of my mind, on the side of a tennis court while he played with a friend. So I asked my son to do a triathlon with me last year - not just wait while I finished it. My dad thought putting me down would motivate me - instead I try every day to build my son up. I let him know that he is a good son, that I love him, and that I enjoy spending time with him. I'm not saying everything my father did was wrong, but I'm trying to find something I can use in those negatives.

I hate times of hurt and introspection. I know they serve a purpose in life, but they aren't enjoyable. And I want to enjoy my life - I have so many wonderful people and things. I don't like the way sadness acts like novicane, numbing everything.

Food & exercise were fine yesterday. Today is WW. Walked this morning, will walk at lunch, weights this afternoon. Thank you goddess for Midol. :-)

New shoes & 19 cent turkey

Good weekend. A little overeating yesterday afternoon, but generally stuck to the WW thing. Went shopping for the boy - found some great shoes for me for 10 dollars. I'm wearing them today. Got a turkey on special for 19 cents a pound. I have 2 - one for T-day and one just cause I can make 3 or 4 meals off of that - pretty good for less than 3 dollars. I'm a pretty frugal shopper - I'll pay for some ceonveniences (like salad), but I save it back where I can.

Great session at the gym - very good upper body workout. That's the first weekend in 3 weeks I've actually exercised. I'm slowly finding my way back to doing good things for myself.

The valences are finished! Only 4 cheesy movies to completion! They look very nice and I will be taking pics this week.

Socks is getting her stitches out this morning, which means its about time she moved out of my bathroom and met the rest of the family.

Husband's work ran out of materials and he's been home since Wednesday night. While this is nice, making money is also good. The materials are supposed to be in today. I can't decide if I want to find him home when I get there or not. I mean, of course I do, but it would be nice if he could work some today.

I slept lousy Friday. I was up in the middle of the night for a couple of hours, just feeling angry about my whole family situation. I have, at times in my life, treated people more shabbily than they deserved. I am sorry for those times. This is not one of those times. Being angry is not helping me in any way.

I needed more weekend. Don't we all, every week? :-)

Drop sets, iron-ese for “whip yo a$$”

Eating was fine yesterday – I used one flex point (you get 35 per week). After work I hit the gym for some drop sets. If you don’t have a lot of time, you have a lot of stress, or both, this is a great workout. I don’t have my book with me, but it looked something like this:

Roman chair, low back hyper ext – 15 each
Db row drop sets 40/12 35/12 30/10 25/10 20/8 15/6
Chest press drop sets 35/12 30/15 25/10 20/8
Decline sit-ups – 15
Bi curl: 20/12 15/15 12/5/10 10/8
Overhead press: 35/10 30/10 25/8 20/6
Decline sit-ups – 15
Front raises: 15/12 12/5/15 10/10
Roman chair, low back hyper ext – 15 each


The key you do one exercise without stopping between the sets – you do as many as you can at the weight until you feel like either your heart will explode of your arms will fall off, then immediately drop to the next lower weight until you feel the same, etc etc until you are a little shaky and have a weird pit feeling in your stomach. It helps if you go from biggest to smallest muscles of whatever groups you are working as they will be beat. See how I was able to do a lot more chest & back than bi & tri since I did them first? By shoulders I was whipped.

This morning I got up and walked an hour, making an effort to move quickly up the hills.

The scale this morning said 154.5 – down 0.5 from last week. Given that this is the week I retain water like crazy, I shouldn’t gripe. I just wish this process were faster. Sigh.

Have a great weekend!

The sweetest boy in the world

I counted my points yesterday, using 3 of my flex points, which was pretty good given that we ate dinner at Sonic. While there, the hub called. They ran out of materials on the job, so he came home last night. Yippee! He’d put in a 30 hour week already, but was going to call this morning and see if there was one of the local jobs he could go & put in a few hours on. We’ll see.

We got home and while the boy did homework, I washed up the breakfast dishes and went in and gave my master bath a thorough scrubbing! He was so sweet – he kept apologizing that he hadn’t gotten his homework done in time to help clean the bathroom. He’s a gem. I feel a lot better having a clean bathroom, even though I had no energy to actually do the job.

When we got home, Socks was sitting in her chair by the bedroom window, as opposed to hiding under the bed. Maybe she is beginning to adjust. Butchie didn’t destroy anything else last night either.

This morning I slept in until 5:30! Heaven! I was really pooped people. This is the week where I cry over the Snuggle fabric bear, feel like a cow, and really just want to take a 24 hour nap every day. Next week I feel like crap and hang onto a cup of sugar free cocoa for dear life. The joys of being a woman. :-O

This afternoon my mom is picking up the boy from school and coming over for dinner (which is in the crock pot already.) I am hitting the gym for some mild weights and a little cardio – maybe the elliptical.

No thanks, I don’t care for any cheese with this whine.

Food & Exercise first:

Food was good yesterday, despite a cup of canned chicken & dumplings consumed immediately before bed. I came in right at 1500 calories for the day. I’m starting to count WW points today.

Exercise was good, although plans changed slightly. Walked 40 min in am & 30 at lunch. I didn’t go to the gym – I got a flu shot yesterday and my the afternoon I was feeling pretty ragged out. I got up and walked an hour this morning, I’ll do my usual walk at lunch, and I’m hitting the weight room while the boy is at tkd. While walking this morning, I made a point to really power up the hills to get my heart rate up. It’s a start.

Now for some whine:

I had a lousy evening. First, I got a call from my husband at work – the boy had called him wanting me to be sure & have a white button down & khakis ready so he could perform at a conference that evening at school. Excuse me? 1) His khakis are at his grandma’s (he goes to church over there) 2) He doesn’t own a white button down 3) We had no plans to go back to school 4) I assumed (correctly) that he had a bunch of homework. So when I picked him up (feeling lousy from the flu shot remember?) and told him no, he was really angry, which made me really angry.

We went by the grocery for a couple of items, went home & ate, then I tried to get the cat out from under the bed. It took me an hour of tries to get her out. Now that she is feeling better (a week since surgery) she is unhappy being locked up in the bathroom. I give her the run of my bedroom during the day, but put her back in the bathroom at night so the dogs can sleep in the room with me. Anyway…. I get her out & back into the bathroom, the dogs are fed, the kitchen is cleaned, and I am sitting down helping the boy with his homework, when I hear strange noises from the back of the house. My darling Butchie (aka “Curious George”) had knocked over the bedside lamp, rummaged around on the bed, and chewed the bed skirt – complete with holes and ripped fabric. I guess it smelled like cat.

I decided I need a bath. Only my bathroom is no longer a relaxing retreat – it is a stinky cat farm smelling place with a crunchy floor and a bitter cat who stares at me. I hate it. I wanted to cry so badly and couldn’t even relax enough to give myself that small release.

I wanted to call my husband, but I knew if I told him he would only feel worse and he hates being out of town. I didn’t want to burden him with my problems. As soon as the boy was in bed, I put on a relaxing CD and laid in the dark until I drifted off.

This morning, the boy tells me he needs a spiral bound notebook for spelling. Uh, thanks for all the notice, I always keep a couple of spares lying around…. Right. And I wrote his teacher a big long note with a bunch of questions about his state project, and after telling me he has no other info, whips out a packet that answers my questions. I let him live, and we were okay by the time I dropped him at school, but I was pretty ticked with him this morning.

I did call the hub this morning, but there was little comfort to be had there. Instead he wanted to gripe about how little sleep he had gotten since he’s not home. I’m afraid we didn’t help each other much.

As I got out of the car, I looked down. Instead of putting on my nice kitten heels slides when I got dressed, I put on my skanky leather house sandals since I had to haul the trash to the curb. Guess what shoes are on my feet right now????

The three stooges do budokon

Remember a while back I wrote about a workout DVD I got called budokon? It’s yoga, marshal arts, & meditation in a one hour workout. Well, the hub is out of town & I’m not sure how to use the DVD player in the bedroom (I’m so pitiful I am still trying to figure out how to tape on my VCR a show on my Tivo I promised VJ last July. Good thing she lives far away or she’d kill me! Ha!), so I decided that a) I would do that this morning and b) I would do it in the living room. Imagine if you will a chubby blond in downward facing dog – a shepherd scratching at her arm for breakfast and a beagle/basset/boxer “helper dog” showing his mom how much he loves & supports her efforts by licking her heels. Needless to say, 5 minutes into yoga I put on my shoes & went outside! On my to do list for tonight is figure out the bedroom DVD player so I can shut the dogs out while I work out! Hopefully, it will be easier than the whole taping fiasco….

There is a really aggravating situation at work that was worrying at my brain. Usually I’m good at not taking work stress home with me, but this was nagging at me. I found myself getting really angry during my walk, so of course my thoughts turned to my dad & that whole mess…. I realize I would make a lousy Buddhist monk, although I wish I could cultivate just a bit of that calm. Maybe I should take up creating those sand mandalas as a hobby, but I digress… Anyway, just in time a song from the “Blade 2” soundtrack came on – the one playing in the vampire club. I visualized myself in a boxing class for a few minutes, and just felt the anger washing over me. Then I took off running and ran for a while, ending with the steepest hill in the neighborhood. I’m still ticked about the work thing, but my boss is working on getting it fixed and at least I can joke about it now. The only down side was I realized how much my cardio fitness has slipped. Must find a goal to work on….

Anyhow, food was good choices yesterday, and I walked 40 minutes + 30 at lunch. Today I walked 40 this morning, 30 at lunch, and am hitting the weights after work. I’m using the gym at the boy’s school so we have more time in the evening. Homework is taking up a lot of his time these days. It’s smaller, but more convenient. I’ll use the other gym Thursday when my mom picks him up.

My first WW meeting is today, so I will let you know how that goes. Right now my focus in the weight room is to keep the muscle I have as I try to lose some of the flab. Hopefully, WW will help get my flab under control.

On the road again

Well, not a bad weekend. I got the valences done for the french doors while hubby was out of town at his D&D game. It took the entire "The Stand" DVD, but those babies are done! Now for the living room windows....

Kitty is still hanging out in the sick ward - she seems a little lonely, but until she gets her stitches out, she's on bed rest. :-)

Exercise was non-existent this weekend, but food wasn't too hideous. This isn't the way its done...

Hub is working out of town again, which I hate. The company is local, but they needed him on a job up in the mountains. Two to four weeks. After that, I sure hope he gets something closer to home. I hate the whole "living for the weekend" mentality. Life's too short to wish most of it away.

Hope you all had a good weekend. The weather here is gorgeous.

More scale suckiness

Up another pound. Can I please get off this merry-go-round from he!!???

The cat is doing pretty well – still living in our bedroom-bathroom area until we get her sutures out. We’re trying to give her time to relax and recuperate without the stress of the dogs etc. I’m sure it’s a huge change, and I know that while being hungry and cold weren’t great, I’m sure she enjoyed roaming around outside. Butchie is intensely curious. Bess is intensely afraid.

I lifted weights yesterday as well as walked. This morning I slept in – I was pooped. WW starts next Tuesday. I think I need it. I’m feeling pretty discouraged right now.

Beef & Vegetable soup – free bonus soup recipe! :-)

1 lb lean stew beef
1 c chopped cabbage
2-3 carrots, sliced
2 -3 stalks celery
1 onion, chopped
1 white potato, shopped
2 cans V-8 or tomato juice
1 can beef broth
½ - 1 c water (enough to cover)
1 T. Worcestershire sauce
1 t. chili powder
2 bay leaves
some minced garlic (a teaspoon or so)

Put it all in the crock pot on low for the day.

White knuckles, Halloween candy, and an update on my new feline friend

Socks spent last night at the vet’s again as she was still rather groggy from the surgery. According to the nurse this morning, she ate well last night and this morning and will get her vaccinations this morning. She also said the cat had a few ringworms so they are going to de-worm her this morning. Attention cat people: what do you know about ringworms???

My son’s school is attached to one of those mega-churches here in town. It’s a good school, and we’ve been pretty happy even though I admit to having a rather negative perception of church schools going into it. Anyway, they had a ”trunk or treat” at the school Monday – people decorated their car trunks in the parking lot & handed out candy. We teamed up with the mom of his pal (the ones we went camping with). We gave out our candy, her candy, and ran out of candy! I called to my son that we were out of candy & he handed us his bag to give out, and ran off to play with his friends. He came home with some candy left. I took one of those mini one bite Snickers yesterday, I don’t know that he has eaten any. He put it away in his room. I suspect it will wind up in the trash.

Yesterday I amazed myself by sticking with my food plan. I wanted to eat after dinner, but the funny thing was it was because that’s what I “should” be doing, not because of any craving. Habits are not always helpful! I was a bit hungry (I’d eaten a small dinner), but limited myself to a no sugar popsicle.

This morning I got up and walked for an hour. While I am proud of the fact that I have kept off a significant weight loss through some tough times, it sure would be nice to stick with this long enough to see some progress.

Weight Watchers was postponed for a week – I guess maybe the leader was sick or something. So now it runs from next Tuesday through the end of January – 13 weeks. The funny thing is my reaction to the email was “Cool. That gives me time to lose some weight before I get on the scale.” I am a freak.

Have a great day!

Update on Socks

According to the vet, Socks had already been fixed, but he didn't see a scar so he found this out during her surgery! Hopefully hub will be able to pick her up this evening.

I have never had a cat. I've never really wanted a cat - I'm an unrepenant dog person. I hope she will get along with the dogs - I'm a little unsure of this. Plan B will be to see if she works out at my mom's house. We got our dog Butchie when he didn't work out over at mom's, so it would be poetic justice! But hub really wants to keep her. La!

The most expensive camping trip ever.


While camping this weekend, we happened to wind up in the site (out of a billion that were available when we arrived) that had a cat living in it. The sweetest, prettiest little kitty you've ever seen, who instantly bonded with my husband.

Welcome to our family Socks. I'll share pictures when they are available.

Sucky scale suck suck

Up 1.5 pounds. Why? I refuse to give up, getting fatter is NOT AN OPTION!!!!!!!

The long dark teatime of the soul

Back a hundred million years ago, when dinosaurs roamed the earth and I was in the Army, I worked for a couple of years in a windowless building on top of one (of two) manmade “mountains” in the middle of the Grunewald forest in the city of Berlin (Berlin is flat as a pancake).

The US shared this building with the British. While it was hardly luxurious, the rooftop break area offered spectacular views of both East and West Berlin downtown areas. The US ran the bulk of the office, but the British contribution to the support staff was the tea truck. The tea truck came daily at 10:00 a.m., and offered tea, sandwiches, and chips (which they called “crisps”). My usual order was 2 cups of tea and a liverwurst sandwich – sometimes an order of salt & vinegar chips as well. The sandwiches were pre-made on hard rolls, so getting there early was important to get what you wanted. Offices sent one or two people, loaded down with thermoses and orders from their co-workers. We were shift workers since it was a 24 hour operation. We joked the down side of working day shift was having to put up with the bigwigs that worked days, and the up side was the tea truck.

While that time & place are both gone, to this day I still stop for tea at 10:00 a.m. Usually its Earl Grey with skim, but last night on a whim I decided to live dangerously and bought a box of Bigelow Vanilla Caramel tea. What would Jean Luc say?????

Of my new “cult” status

I joined Weight Watchers at work yesterday. I could give you a big spiel about how I’d carefully thought it through and realized that I needed some extra motivation to lose the final few pounds. Which is true, but it’s also true that it was a total spur of the moment decision. I saw the sign for the interest meeting on my way into the building, doubled back for the room number, and showed up.

I know there are several mental barriers to my losing the final bit of weight. I see them. I am hoping the combination of plonking down $$ that is pretty tight right now combined with an extra set of eyes on my scale will be the leg up I need to get me going. We’ll see. My first WW weigh in and meeting is next Tuesday. The leaders generally remind me of reformed alcoholics or something, but the program does work.

I got in 3 30 minute walks yesterday. Food was a little higher than the day before, clocking in at 1500. That’s still below my BMR, so I’m okay with that being my “high end.”

While I am certainly a huge fan of the crock pot, you could make any of these soup recipes on the stove top. For the Indian recipe, I highly recommend you try it even if you don’t like curry. Just leave the curry out! You can always go back and add some Cajun or jerk seasoning blend, or do your own thing. The eggplant is an idea I’d never thought of, but it gives a great flavor and it’s healthy too. What a deal!

Life’s too short to eat canned soup

Good workout yesterday. I hit the gym after work yesterday, got up this morning to walk, and yesterday’s calories clocked in around 1300 – nearly all quality food. I am starting to feel human again.

For the curious:

Set 1:
Squats: 50/12 x 3
Walking lunges: 20 dbs/12 each leg x 3
Set 2:
Db row: 40/10, 35/12 x 2
Chest press: 30/10 , 25/15 x 2
Set 3:
Roman chair: 15 x 2
Low back hyper ext: 15 x 2

Saturday:

Set 1:
Db row: 35/12 x 3
Chest press: 30/12 x 3
Set 2:
Shoulder press: 20/12 x 3
Calf raises: 40/15 x3
Set 3:
Bi curl: 20/12 x 3
Tri overhead ext: 30/12 x 3

Wednesday I plan to put it all together and do a total body workout.

Food yesterday:
Breakfast: egg & beef chorizo burrito with cheese & salsa: just under 300
Snack: string cheese & baby carrots: 85
Lunch: Lean Cuisine & side salad : 320
Snack: 100 calorie pack of peanut butter cookies: 100
Snack: apple & string cheese: around 100 (it was a small apple)
Dinner: soup & half a sandwich: around 250-300, it was homemade bread so not positive
Miller Lite: 95 calories

Why today’s title?

I don’t like to eat junk just because it’s low cal or I know the calories, and I’d rather put effort into making something tasty rather than eating crap. Some canned soups aren’t bad, but a lot are pretty sad. When I sat down last night to my half a sandwich on toasted homemade sourdough and a hot bowl of homemade soup from the crockpot, I realized that a hot bowl of soup feeds your body and soul. So I thought I’d share a couple of easy, inexpensive soup recipes. These are perfect for this time of year, and they are both in the crockpot. I use my crockpot every Monday and Wednesday (tae kwon do nights) – without it I don’t know what we would eat…..

Indian Vegetable Soup

(Notes: This is what I made last night. It’s excellent. I added a couple of diced boneless skinless chicken breasts to make it a bit more substantial. It’s called Indian, but you won’t really taste the curry. This is a very mild but yummy soup).

1 eggplant, chunked
5 or 6 small red skin potatoes, also chunked (about a pound or so)
1 14.5 oz can diced tomatoes
1 can garbanzo beans, drained
1.5 teaspoons coriander
1 teaspoon curry powder
black pepper
chicken broth to cover (Probably about 5 cups)
fresh chopped cilantro

All ingredients except cilantro into crock on low for 8 hours. Garnish with some cilantro as you serve – this is what gives the soup its special flavor! Salt & pepper to taste.

Chicken & Rice Stew

(Notes: Don’t add extra rosemary – a little goes a long way! I will use boneless skinless thighs next time – the breasts were a little mild for this flavorful thick stew.)

8 oz sliced mushrooms (you can chop a bit more if you want)
2 medium carrots – or enough baby to make 1 cup
3 or 4 stalks diced celery
2 leeks, sliced
½ c uncooked brown rice
½ c uncooked wild rice
3 or 4 boneless skinless chicken breasts, diced
½ teaspoon dried rosemary
1 teaspoon dried thyme
¼ teaspoon pepper
5 cups chicken broth
1 can condensed cream of mushroom soup

Put it in the crock on low for 8 hours. Yum!

Have a good day!

Did anyone get the license plate of the truck that ran me over?

In case it hasn’t been totally obvious, I’ve really been majorly down for the past week and a half. I am beginning to feel better, but it’s sort of like that feeling after you’ve been really sick – you feel better, but still a little uncertain. That’s where I am.

I lifted weights – hard – at the gym Saturday. As in “ooh my head is woozy” from lifting. That felt so good. Yesterday we went to the Renaissance Festival (“huzzah!”). The weather was great, and it was nice to be away from my life for a few hours.

Eating was better this weekend – I had a binge after an argument with my hubby. But other than that, I made a concerted effort to eat healthy food. I know that contributed to me feeling better.

Hopefully you will start reading about some fitness again on this blog!

TGIF

Not a very catchy title, but this week I really really mean it. I am pooped and seriously need some down time. I plan to color my hair & get my eyebrows waxed, work on my valences some, and try to chill.

We were planning to go to the Ren Faire Sunday, but it looks like there will be rain all weekend, so I think that will be postponed.

After work we are heading to the climbing gym so the boy can try it out. Then I plan to go home & crash!

Looks like hub has steady work for the next few weeks. We weren't sure, so that's a load off my mind.

What else? Hitting the gym tomorrow. I have a couple of ideas for the weekend, but I will tell you about them Monday. :-) Have a good one.

Is it Friday yet????

Can I just say that this has been the worst TOM ever and that I have been living on Motrin, beer, and hot chocolate this week? Ugh.

We will return you to your regularly scheduled chubby fitness fanatic next week. We better!

Tagged by Jack!

"I guess I must be a workout snob, because I don’t really feel like I “worked out” since I didn’t come back all sweaty."

There it is, the 5th sentence of my 23rd post, back in may of 2004. I was talking about my walk at lunch. I still don't count my 30 minute walk at lunch as exercise. It's for my mental health.

How about it, M & VJ?

Sleeping Weather

My windows are open, and what we have in NC right now is primo sleeping weather. The mornings are in the mid-40s, so there is a nice chill that makes you want to snuggle down just a little deeper into your blankies and clutch your doggie and husband even closer. Heaven.

After a couple of rather sleepless nights, last night felt wonderful. The down side of both the sleepless nights and the glorious coolness is that I haven't gotten up to walk. :-( Two days with no exercise does not make me feel (or look) my best. But the gym bag is packed my friends. I may get down, but never ever out.

Roller Coaster

It was a very emotional weekend. Nothing bad happened, I am just still processing through a lot of unpleasant family stuff. Sometimes its not big deal, and sometimes I get very emotional about it. I know that’s perfectly normal, but it’s still tough. I feel angry and hurt, and I deal with some of it. And when it gets to be too much I eat and turn it off for a bit. Sometimes I use “kitchen Prozac” – and when I do it with my eyes wide open, I try not to beat myself up about it after. I made a choice. Maybe someone else would have handled their emotions a different way, but I’m not someone else. I’m me. I had 2 episodes of intentional overeating this weekend. I also made healthy choices for many meals, and hit the gym for a solid workout Saturday morning. The gym is a habit again. And the “iron therapy” helps too.

I worked on my valences. I decided to make valences for my French doors in the living room and dining room, which adds four small valences to the 3 large ones. I got all my valences, lining, and tie-backs cut out. So that made me happy.

Friday our team from work did “team building”. We spent the morning at Urban Ministries, working in the food bank and soup kitchen. Then we had a nice lunch and spent the afternoon in a really excellent climbing gym climbing the walls! I had never done this before, and I will say I was a little worried. Have I mentioned I am scared of heights? We divided up into 2 groups of four, and I jumped right up and volunteered to go first in my group. My theory was that however slowly or uncertainly I did it, no one could say squat since they hadn’t tried! :-O Well, I loved it! They also do birthday parties, and I asked the boy if he would be interested. We are going back this Friday afternoon so he can give it a try. If he likes it, then we will book his birthday party there. Now that I am “certified”, I can go in any time, plop down my $15, put on the loaner gear & go. I may have discovered a new mental release. It’s hard to have angst when you are 40 feet in the air, clutched on to a wall by tiny little pieces of plastic! I can’t afford any more hobbies right now, but I would like to take a class eventually.

Sometimes I think I should be at goal weight by now. Then I realize that I have been dealing with the food issues at every weight I’ve ever been. In order to really change, I have to get at the root causes. I’ve proven I can stop eating & lose all the weight – I have. But I can’t stay there until I deal with why I overeat instead of just forcing myself to stop.

All this ugliness with my dad is my facing who & how he is and me choosing to stand up and speak for myself. If doing so alienates my sister (which it seems to have done), I still believe I have done the right thing. The older I get, the more clearly I realize that I am responsible for my wellbeing. If someone gets mad the moment I stop being a doormat, then they need to go find the door. I would never have said that 10 years ago. Only the most extreme of circumstances forced me to stand up to my dad then. Ten years ago, I would never have jumped up to be the first to climb a wall. I would have cowered in the back, dreading it. I am tired of dreading new things. I am tired of worrying what others think. I need to think about what I think.

And what if I don’t?

Last night I was leaving work to pick up the boy to deliver him to tae kwon do. I was tired. Mentally wiped by an afternoon of a lot of very detailed work. I knew I wasn’t going to the gym (that’s today this week) and dinner wasn’t anything too difficult – the turkey breast was in the crockpot, the squash casserole was made – just needed to be cooked, bake the acorn squash, and make some gravy. I was looking forward to the chance to go home & soak in the tub with a good book for a while.

Immediately my thoughts took an ugly turn. “Ooh – you have to stop by the grocery for green beans. You could get a bag of buffalo pretzels – they’re on sale. And a 22 oz beer to share with hubby. Better yet, get a 6 pack and that way you can have one in the tub with some buffalo pretzels before he gets home and then another later while watching tv.” Obviously, this kind of thinking is what got me overweight. So, all the way to picking up the boy, driving him to tae kwon do, and waiting while he changed, I had my fantasy. I drove to the grocery, parked the car, and thought “What if I don’t?”

I realized at that moment that while I was hungry, I didn’t need buffalo pretzels and beer to manage hunger. A slice of lunch meat & cheese rolled together would make a healthy and satisfying snack to tide me over. Yes, I did need to do something about the physical hunger (I am one of those people who must graze – I get faint pretty quickly if I don’t eat a little nibble every couple of hours), but I didn’t need food to fix the mental hunger.

I bought the green beans, went home & had my snack, and soaked in the tub with only a glass of diet pepsi. Wooziness solved, mental fatigue solved, no buffalo pretzels consumed.

I felt good about the choice I made, but it sucks that I am a person who has to deal with this kind of thinking almost daily. Constant vigilance is required to keep reminding myself there are other, better, more satisfying ways of filling the void inside my mind.

I guess it’s like a disease or “physical condition” in that it will likely never go away – it’s all about managing it to the best of my ability. I’ve been at this 4 years now. I was in denial about this little fact for a long time, but my truth is that I will have to manage these thoughts and feelings the rest of my life. That’s just who I am. And that’s okay, we all have our crosses to bear, as the old saying goes. I am glad I am no longer deluded into believing just losing the weight will make that kind of thinking go away – it never has before.

152.5 – down 1.5 from last week. Yay me!

Yesterday – walked 55 min in am, 30 minutes at lunch.
Today I slept in, but will walk 30 min at lunch and have my gym bag in the car. That will the third time lifting weights this week baby!

Pretty in Pink

Today I am wearing a pink sweater to match the pink and white mardi gras beads and pink bracelet I received when I came into work today. This is breast cancer awareness month, a subject very close to my heart. You see, the year began in January with my losing a friend to breast cancer, and it looks to end the same way. This is a symmetry I do not need.

So far this week:
Sat: weights lifting – 1 hr
Sun: walk 45 min
Mon: walk 55 min + 30 min at lunch + weights 1 hr
Tue: walk 55 min
Wed: walk 55 min (so far)

Food has been fine. I am a little down, but hanging in there.

One Year of Love

I was driving in to work this morning listening to the CD "A Kind of Magic" by Queen (the soundtrack for the movie "Highlander" btw). I recalled reading that Seal sang the song "One Year of Love" from the soundtrack at Freddy Mercury's funeral. Somehow that little fact reminded me that famous people are human too. I love that song. I love that movie. "Highlander" and "Blade Runner" are probably my 2 favorite movies of all time.

Oh, have I mentioned yet that I am a goddess? I ate most excellent food yesterday, in reasonable portions. Which always makes me feel great. I walked for 30 minutes at lunch. My lunch buddy is back from vacation, so I even had company. :-) After work, I stopped in my son's school and walked on the indoor track for 55 minutes. That's a lot of laps, so for a while I ducked in the "ab alcove" and did 10 crunches on the ball each time I passed that little alcove. I did 70 crunches, and it broke up the laps. Then I picked him up, dropped him at tae kwon do, and headed for the gym to lift weights.

Weight workout was hard! and felt terrific. I have noticed there is apparently an invisible line in the gym - the front half contains the cybex and cardio machines. The back half contains the free weights and hammer strength machines. I think there's a rule that says you must have a penis to cross the line, but no one told me and now they are too embarressed to mention the fact. It's the only reason I can figure that I've never seen another woman using the free weights. Also, I like the guy Paul that works there. Anybody that tunes the radio to a station that plays Kiss and the Scorpions is okay in my book, even if he looks like a pretty boy body builder.

Off to an all day class - pray that I stay awake!

Oops, outta weekend

Food: Okay except Sunday afternoon. (Do I sound like a broken record?)

Exercise: Excellent! Went back to my "Body Sculpting Bible for Women" weight routine. My legs are sore, but it was the best weights workout I've had in ages. I got up and walked yesterday morning, I guess I'm not exactly wowing anyone with my amazing runs. I've just been working on getting the food & weights working, and giving the running a break. Don't worry - I never quit, I just take breaks from it now an again.

Valences: See title. But I have figured out what I want to do - I hadn't made any firm decisions up until this weekend, which is one reason I put it off. But I figured it out. Also, I did a ton of cooking yesterday afternoon - about 3 solid hours in the kitchen. That will pay off bigtime this week!

So long and thanks for all the fish!

Finished watching the recent version of "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" last night. Alan Rickman is the perfect Marvin the Robot. Funniest line? "I'm British. I know how to queue."

Am I the only person who has a sneaking suspicion that David Lynch has begun writing for "Battlestar Galactica"? That show (while good) keeps getting weirder and weirder. I keep waiting for Kyle MacLaughlin to show up as a new raptor pilot and to see a midget dancing down the corridors.....

And "Kingdom of Heaven" is at the top of my Netflix queue. :-) Right up my alley.

Scale Meltdown - WTF!?!?!

154 - up a pound from last week? WTF!?!? The soy sauce in my homemade stir fry last night (which was over very little rice)? Too much diet Pepsi yesterday? I am a little bitter about that. Ugh.

I did a good job with making healthy choices food-wise this week.

Cardio - 4/7 days. Did not meet my goal of 6/7.

Weights - 2. Did not meet stretch goal of 3, but 2 is good. Still in the process of ramping up the intensity.

Overall, I am a little disappointed. But life goes on. I was tired this week, so I have focused on getting enough rest, and cardio suffered a couple of days. I will do better with my cardio next week. I know the scale is being fickle and that I did well with eating this week. I remind myself that I can control what I eat, but not what the scale says. Sigh. I have a good plan in place for the weekend.

On cooking lentils in the crockpot (for Sarah): the lentils should not be hard. I cook them on low for 8 hours and they are wonderful. 2 things I know of that can lead to hard lentils are 1) if they are old. Buy from someplace you know sells a lot, or buy what you need from a place that sells in bulk 2) if you cook lentils with tomatoes the acid apparently will make them hard. So, add the tomatoes after the lentils have cooked. A good lentil soup is my favorite - hearty, healthy, cheap. Try again - it's worth it!

Have a great weekend - I am going back to score more awesome fabric so I can be a sewing maniac this weekend! Look for pics of new living room valences soon!

By request, some soup recipes (well, not that I follow recipes very strictly...)

Afternoon snack soup

1 qt chicken stock (I buy the swanson's organic)
1 bag frozen stir fry veggies
1 28 oz can crushed tomatoes (the fire roasted muir glen are very good)

Heat stock to boiling. Simmer veggies in stock about 20 minutes until soft. Add in tomatoes and puree with immersion blender.

You can get fancy and saute onion and/or garlic etc - but that's the basic of a very yummy soup. I generally add a little worchestershire and hot sauce for zip. Very filling, very low cal.

My grandpa's beefy cream of tomato soup

1 lb. lean ground beef
1 large chopped onion
46 oz can V8
1 can reduced fat cream of celery soup.

Saute beef & onion. Add all ingredients into crock pot & simmer on low. You can leave this several hours, but at least 3 is the minimum. You can also use ground turkey.

Hamburger vegetable soup

1 lb ground beef or turkey
1/4 tsp basil
1/4 tsp oregano
1 Tbsp soy sauce
dash hot sauce
1 pkg onion soup mix
3 cups water
8 oz can tomato sauce
3 stalks diced celery
chopped carrots - about a cup
(14 oz can diced tomatoes - optional)
(you can also add some of the shredded slaw mix if you have it)

You don't have to saute the meat if its very lean, or saute & rinse. All ingredients into crock pot on low for all day - 6-8 hours.

You can add some macaroni if you want, but I usually don't bother. This is very thick & the flavor is very good for a quickie soup.

Lentil soup

1 pkg dry lentils
1 large or 2 small onions, diced
3 stalks celery, diced
carrots diced - about a cup
water to cover well - at least 5 cups.
Optional:
box of frozed chopped spinach - just toss in still frozen
kielbasa or other sausage
you can also stir in a can of tomatoes - but don't put in until lentils are cooked or the lentils will be hard.
diced bell pepper
curry powder/cajun seasoning blend/ or just plain salt & pepper

Put ingredients in crock pot. Cook on low several hours 6-8.

I put all these on in the morning before I go to work. I love my crock pot, it's my friend.

Neither rain nor sleet nor snow .. yadda yadda

I woke up to rain this morning, but I didn't let that stop me from getting in a 40 minute walk. I was so freaking exhausted last night, it was like some psychic vampire was sucking my life force. Maybe I'm coming down with something. In any case, I feel better today. I am also very hungry - I think it's psychological. I noticed I was deflating so I have to go out & run hurry scarf down some food before I lose weight, right??

Son had gobs of homework last night, so the gym didn't happen. That means I HAVE to go tonight since hub & I are going together Saturday morning. As long as I am doing this total body thing, I've got to have at least one day between workouts.

My son is super moody lately - I've never seen such a raging case of PMS in all my life. So begins puberty, huh? Sigh. Sometimes he's stil my wonderful little boy that wants to be with me forever, and other times he's riding my a$$ cause I drink diet pepsi with breakfast (I don't drink coffee). I hear it only gets better! :-O

Have a groovy day.

SOS (Stalks of Soreness)

I am going to the gym this afternoon – and my legs are still sore form the last workout! I will keep those weights the same, but I will again up the upper body some – I have no soreness there at all.

Well, I slept in again today – I woke up with a dreadful headache! Yuck. I’ll do some HIIT at the gym and take an extra hard walk at lunch today.

The hub had a nice birthday celebration yesterday. I stuck to my food plan, but I did have a couple of extra beers. Life goes on. I packed my usual healthy fare for the day and have a good dinner planned (veggie burger, baked beans, and homemade slaw).

I was smart to buy the pretzels yesterday – when I went back to the break area an hour later to heat up my soup, all the buffalo pretzels were gone! There were just the plain ones. So, I have them tucked away for the weekend. If I bought a bag at W-M, it would be the “full size” 10 oz bag, versus the 2 oz vending machine size. I wouldn’t eat all 10 oz in one sitting, but you can bet I’d eat the whole bag over the course of the weekend. At 140 calories per oz, that’s a lot! Sometimes, the better buy isn’t the better deal, if you know what I mean.

Deprived of what?

It’s been a busy day but a productive one. I ate a good breakfast, my usual snack, plus a healthy lunch that tasted good. I was walking down the hall and the thought popped into my head “I feel deprived.”

Deprived of what? Food of course. I felt like I deserved “a treat.” Here are the questions I asked myself at that moment:

1. Why does eating well mean you are deprived? How does that earn you the right to go eat the 280 calorie bag of buffalo pretzels in the vending machine? I’m not hungry – a little tired yes, but not hungry.

2. Don’t I deserve something better than food? I am deprived – of some very nice clothes hanging in my closet! Don’t I deserve to look & feel my best? Isn’t that better than buffalo pretzels?

So I went to the vending machine & bought the pretzels. No, I am not eating them. The point is I have them. They aren’t going away. And Friday night when I have a snack while watching TV I will have the perfect snack – not something I’ve settled for. And they are safe in my desk drawer where no one can buy all the stupid pretzels so there won’t be any on Friday. Sheesh. Sounds silly, but I feel better knowing I have them squirreled away. Now I don’t have to worry about obsessing over them.

Sometimes I exasperate even myself.

SOS (Sick of Soup)

As I was taking my post-lunch walk yesterday, I realized that I had soup for an afternoon snack (typical) and soup in the crock pot at home for dinner, and that I sure do eat a heck of a lot of soup. But really, it’s low cal (the kinds I make anyway), satisfying, cheap, easy to do in the crock pot… it’s just ideal. Luckily the soups were different enough that I enjoyed both.

Food is back on track – lots of good veggies, post dinner noshing under control, pants fitting better. Huzzah!

I did go to the gym yesterday afternoon. It wasn’t the most amazing workout I’ve ever had – I felt a little self conscious (I was the only woman lifting weights) and hurried a little. I did 2 circuits through my total body routine I put together. I upped the weights on some of my upper body exercises, so I did a little more than I did Saturday. My plan is to stick to 2 sets this week, up it to 3 next week, and then split my routine back out like I used to.

I did not get up and walk this morning. I was awake in the night so I was tired this morning. And lifting makes me extra tired. It’s cool – I have time tonight after dinner. Tae kwon do this week will be Wed & Thur, due to homework and my hubby’s birthday today. We are grilling steak and shrimp (lean sirloin steaks). We’re also having mashed potatoes and corn on the cob. I know I know. But it’s his birthday and he asked. I’m having corn & turnip greens and a bite of mashed potatoes, a small piece of steak, and shrimp. There is also cheesecake left from Sunday’s celebration – I will split a piece with my mom.

I got up and fixed my hair again today! Sometimes I just fluff & go, but I took time to do it this morning. Short hair is funny, but I like it. Anyhow, I feel good. I’m wearing a nice outfit again also. This weekend I want to go through my closet, pull out some stuff, and start wearing some of my nicer clothes. I get in ruts where I dress like a slob (relatively speaking).

I’m proud of me.

“Imeldochka” is back

What can I say? Excellent weekend! Saturday am hubby & I got up at 5:30 and hit the gym. I did 2 sets of a total body circuit, lowering my previous weights. How do you spell “legs”? Oh yeah, D-O-M-S. Sore baby, but in a nice way!

Went shopping with my mom Saturday and bought myself a cute pair of shoes, which I am wearing today. Back in the ‘80s, I loved shoes. My friend Marty used to call me “Imeldochka” – a Russian dimunitive meaning “little Imelda”. Remember Imelda Marcos’ love of shoes???

Anyway, we had a nice time shopping for a few things, and had lunch together. Most stuff was CostCo, fabric shop, etc, as I don’t shop for clothes. But I do love my new shoes. One of my co-workers commented on them, they have a little heel and are more feminine than my usual MO.

I also scored some awesome fabric – I am making new valences in my living room. Yes, I love to sew and do home decorating projects. The fabric is so cool – it will give the room a nice medieval flair, but not in a tacky way. I love it!!! So, I will be making valences next weekend!

What else? Food was pretty good – I ate some junk while watching tv Friday night (oh my god – I cannot believe they ended “Battlestar Galactica” like that!!!), but other than that I did really well, in spite eating out twice. Yay me!

I got up Sunday at 5:45, slipped on the stuff, and headed out the door for an hour of cardio tranquility.

Planned excellent food for the week, walked for 50 minutes this morning, I feel really great.

I’ve been checking myself out in the mirror lately. I’m not real thrilled with what I see. It’s like your girlfriend telling you she’s engaged to that jerk you kept hoping she’d drop. I just wanna hug me, look me in the eye, and say “You deserve better.” Not ugly or negative, just I can do better for myself. I deserve better. My clothes are blah still, although I have done something about the hair & make-up. And the shoes are shaping up! I wanna spruce up this body and clothes (I bought some nice fall slacks last year – the tags are still on them). This isn’t what I want to say about who I am. Does that make sense?

In any case, feeling very good about things right now. It’s all coming back into focus.

Confession is good for the soul (in no particular order)

153 – down 2 pounds from last week. Good to be back on track and headed in the right direction, with my habits and on the scale.

The gym. Okay, that didn’t work! The boy has a lot of studying to do on Thursday – actually he finished studying this morning it was so late last night. So, Thursday as a gym day doesn’t work for me. I’m thinking I will have to do it Mon & Wed while he is in tae kwon do. Which is fine, I’m just ready to get it figured out.


My son confessed to watching part of “Jeepers Creepers” at a friend’s house 2 weeks ago. We wondered why he seemed clingy & wasn’t sleeping well. I think it will be a while before he complains about not being allowed to watch a scary movie again! It really freaked him out. I didn’t punish him – for one I want him to feel like he can talk to us, and for two I think the sleepless nights have been punishment enough.

My son & I went for a walk after dinner the other night – he said “This is a good chance for us to have some one on one time.” Kids says the funniest things.

Eat some oatmeal & see me in the morning

I love that quote that goes something like “let your food be your medicine, and medicine your food.” Here’s why:

Scene 1: Son and I are having our weekly discussion of what he wants for breakfast and lunches the following week. (Yes, I am a freak who plans out every single weekday meal her family eats a week in advance.) He tells me that of the 7 kids at his assigned lunch table, he is the only one who brings a “healthy” (his word) lunch. The other 6 either buy lunch or bring a Lunchable. He tried for 2 weeks to get me to buy Lunchables, but I refused. I agreed to pack the equivalent from healthier stuff, but not the pre-packaged deal. The cafeteria lunches there aren’t the healthiest choices. So, according to him, he’s the only child at his table that eats a healthy lunch on a regular basis.

Scene 2: I am running into the grocery to grab some yogurt (the organic Stonyfield Farms were on sale for 50 cents!). There is a little boy with his mom standing near me as I search for my yogurt. He was probably a bit younger than my son – 9 I’m guessing. It was hard to tell because he was so overweight (his mom was too). They are having a discussion – he wanted chips & dip as a side dish to go with their steak for dinner. She says no, but agrees to serve it as an appetizer. It made my heart hurt a little, to see a child that age so overweight.

Food yesterday was fine – I did have 1 oz of buffalo pretzels and a light beer after the boy & I went for our after dinner walk. It was budgeted in, but I do feel a little bloated this morning, even after walking for an hour. Think I’ll be sure to skip the snack tonight before I weigh in tomorrow.

I am going to the gym tonight. I am being a wimp and going to the old gym – I don’t feel comfortable going to the new gym for the first time by myself. Why do I feel like a baby writing that? Why do I feel bad about feeling that way? I’m shy in funny ways at times. Oh well – I will work out. Where remains to be seen. Guess you’ll have to read again tomorrow to find out! Hah!

Live from the budokon

I am not a person who reads about something in a magazine or whatever and runs out to purchase it. However, I read about an intriguing exercise video in “Shape” mag, and I did just that. It’s called “budokon” http://www.gaiam.com/retail/product.asp?product%5Fid=90-0068 – it’s described as an “easy-to-learn synergy of authentic Japanese and Korean martial arts, power yoga and meditation”. What American multi-tasker doesn’t want to get all that done at once??? The guy’s credentials look impressive, so I decided to blow $15 and give it a go. Check out http://www.gaiam.com/ is you are a new-agey type – their site looks pretty cool. Once my house is devoid of others humans (this weekend) I plan to give it a go. I’ll report back.

Food is still looking good. I had a 22 oz beer chilled to split with hubby last night, and I was too tired to drink it. Can you believe that??? Instead I had an O’Douls and a few of those buffalo pretzels. I’ve been craving them like crazy, so I decided to buy a bag and eat a small portion each day. Maybe that will knock the craving out. Even though that was a lot of calories right before bed (in the 240 range), it fit into my allowance for the day.

I got up and walked for an hour this morning – it felt fantastic! I did a little jogging, but mostly walked. Breakfast was chocolate yogurt and raw rolled oats – a little heavy on the calories (320, I shoot for 250-300 normally), but it was yummy! A little sweet maybe, perhaps I should use plain yogurt and add a little chocolate powder…..

My long term exercise plan looks like this:

Cardio: 1 hour session 6 days a week. Walking or running or biking – outside as much as possible. One of those will get longer as I build up my mileage.
Weights: 2 – 3 sessions per week for a good 45 min to an hour.
HIIT: 2 sessions tagged on after weights
Other: some yoga, stretching, budokon or whatever – something for my flexibility.

Currently I’m doing decent on the cardio – the rest is still in the goal stage. However, my homework for tonight is to write out a total body workout for the gym tomorrow. I go tomorrow after work, and then on Saturday morning with the hubby.

I stole Chris’ food idea – I am dividing my luncheon plate into fourths. If our dinner is a casserole type thing (like tonight) I make that my carb side and include a veggie burger to bulk up the lean protein, and I cook plenty of veggies. I bought a bag of that tri-color slaw blend that’s just the veggies. I’m using that to either bulk up my salad, or adding a bit of dressing and using it as a second vegetable.

Hub is out of town at his D&D game this weekend. I need to plan all my food out (including treats!) so I don’t go overboard while no one is looking. Like the calories don’t count if I am alone in the house. Please.

Step One Done!

After I dropped the boy at tkd, I went & did the grocery shopping. One ability that has helped me lose weight & keep it off is that I plan food for the week, and we eat most of our meals at home. The better I plan, the better I eat. When I fail to plan, I wind up eating crap on the fly. (The fact that I’m still 15 pounds to goal is total fear of losing weight & has little to do with my planning or cooking abilities.)

Exercise still isn’t there, but I have 2 trips to the new gym planned for the week, and I promise to execute on that. The weather here is cooling off a little, which means that soon I’ll be able to start running and/or walking with the boy in the afternoon some days. That’s always fun.

Nothing terribly exciting, just slowly settling back in to normal. It feels great.

And how was your weekend?

Can I tell you what a great weekend it was? We bought season tickets for Busch Gardens (good through next season!) and headed out for Williamsburg. The boy actually rode a roller coaster with me! He didn't like it, but he tried it. That was cool. We spent Saturday at the park, had dinner at a nearby Italian place we know, then went for 4 more hours Sunday. We got home pretty tired and it was after 8, but we all had a blast (my mom went with us).

Today after work I have to by groceries and the boys are going to do some housework to get the house in better shape. So, plenty of chores didn't get done, but really, who cares? My family had a blast. That was worth a messy house & an empty (until this evening) fridge.

My reality check came in, and I demand a refund!

155. I got on the scale today for the first time in exactly 4 weeks. I was up 4.5 pounds. Honestly, I can’t believe it isn’t worse. Those are “real” pounds, which means they’re gonna be “real” hard to get back off. But at least now I know where I am.

I got up at 4:30 this morning and walked. I’m glad I did it. I have a ways to go to get back to where I was - not so much on the scale, but more on the attitude & habit side of the thing. I've started taking a few steps in that direction.