"New Year, New You"

That's the headline over at msn.com, and that's the rub isn't it? Some people gain a little weight because they are busy or something happens, and then they realize it, tighten up, and lose it.

But for some of us, we identify ourselves as "the fat girl." Or boy. But that's who we are. We eat for emotional reasons, maybe have an eating disorder, but we get some payoff from remaining overweight - and it's who we are. Remove my fat, you take away my identity.

Sometimes I go along and lose a fair amount of weight. But as soon as I realize I'm approaching my own mental FEBA (forward edge of the battle area) of 150, the kiss of death occurs for my program as I go into red alert and every system is employed to get us back up to a "safe" weight.

I've analyzed the underlying causes, I've faced many fears this year. The war between "fit girl" and "fat girl" has raged most of the year. Fit girl has held what she has but hasn't really gained any ground.

I won't say this is the year I do it - I can't look up at that goal line, it's too scary. Instead I'm going to watch my feet, point them in the right direction, and take a baby step.

Want a really cool read on dealing with emotions from a Buddhist perspective? Check it out: http://www.hussmanfitness.org/html/TMEmotional.html

I don't mean this to be a downer. I'm not down. I recognize that the end game is just too scary for me to handle right this minute, but I can handle the next 5 pounds.