"New Year, New You"

That's the headline over at msn.com, and that's the rub isn't it? Some people gain a little weight because they are busy or something happens, and then they realize it, tighten up, and lose it.

But for some of us, we identify ourselves as "the fat girl." Or boy. But that's who we are. We eat for emotional reasons, maybe have an eating disorder, but we get some payoff from remaining overweight - and it's who we are. Remove my fat, you take away my identity.

Sometimes I go along and lose a fair amount of weight. But as soon as I realize I'm approaching my own mental FEBA (forward edge of the battle area) of 150, the kiss of death occurs for my program as I go into red alert and every system is employed to get us back up to a "safe" weight.

I've analyzed the underlying causes, I've faced many fears this year. The war between "fit girl" and "fat girl" has raged most of the year. Fit girl has held what she has but hasn't really gained any ground.

I won't say this is the year I do it - I can't look up at that goal line, it's too scary. Instead I'm going to watch my feet, point them in the right direction, and take a baby step.

Want a really cool read on dealing with emotions from a Buddhist perspective? Check it out: http://www.hussmanfitness.org/html/TMEmotional.html

I don't mean this to be a downer. I'm not down. I recognize that the end game is just too scary for me to handle right this minute, but I can handle the next 5 pounds.

Legally blond, the fitness juxtaposition, and a year end review

Since I have several thoughts to share, I’ll just use the good old bullet format so I don’t actually have to write transitions. Yes, I am feeling that lazy.

Legally blond

Remember the song “Cause I’m a Blond" from the movie “Earth Girls are Easy”? You don’t? Then never mind. The point being that I am a total flake. If it weren’t for notepads, I’d never get anything done. We are going out of town on 2 weekends in January – once up to Ohio to stay with friends and beat on them with sticks, and the second trip is to Maryland to visit the brother of hub & his family. We won’t hit them with sticks. Naturally I booked the hotel in Maryland for the weekend we will be in Ohio. Thank goodness Frederick Md isn’t a terribly popular destination (I hope). Should be able to correct that error.

On a completely unrelated note, does it mean anything when you wake up dreaming about giant bug-like space aliens attacking the earth and the army trying to fight them? The army was passing out frozen eggnog.

The fitness juxtaposition

I was thinking last night in the tub. Right now I am overweight. Am I fit? What is fit? I can bench press over 100 pounds. I can squat a couple hundred. I can jog/walk (mostly walk) several miles. But I don’t feel like I can say “Yes, I am fit.” I feel like I am neither fit nor unfit, just in the spot in between. The truth is I am fitter than I was when I was stationed in Germany, and I managed to get a decent score on the Army fitness test back then. I run slower, but I can run farther. I can do as many pushups and situps as I could back then (although not as many as I could at my peak fitness in Hawaii or Texas). Part of the reason is because of my weight. I don’t think I believe I can be truly fit unless I am at a healthy weight (defined by my bodyfat % & provided by my doctor). Fit & overweight? Not me. I can’t believe that for myself.

Year end review: the good, the bad, & the ugly (in reverse order!).

The ugly:

Last week the scale said 154, this morning it said 156. Oh my God. I wasn’t that bad this week! To date, my weight loss looks like this:

2001: 6 pounds,
2002: 1.5 pounds
2003: 11.5 pounds
2004: 2.5 pounds
2005: 0.5 pounds.

Ouch. Last week that would have been 2.5 pounds. I would have been okay with that. I need some of that ’03 mojo back. Had I lost 2.5 pounds, I could be philosophical and point out that while the weight isn’t falling off, I’ve consistently lost for several years and that I am headed in the right direction. Right now I just feel like a dork. A pudgy dork. Who ate a greasy sandwich for breakfast. A stupid pudgy dork who needs to adjust her attitude!

The bad:

Two words: my family. If you’ve been reading long enough, you know what I am talking about. I end the year cut off from half my biological family. Their loss, but I won’t say I’m not still angry about this one.

The good:

Several factors pushed me out of my comfy complacent little shell and I “spur of the moment” applied for two jobs, one of which I got. Same company of course – I love this place! I am just moving upstairs – I’ve packed up most of my stuff & moved it to my new office already. I’m looking at something like a 14 or 15% salary increase next year. Some of that is going into ye olde retirement fund, but that’s pretty good IMO.

My mom retired, my marriage is good, my son is healthy & doing well in school. Life is good in all the areas that matter.

Other than the “food storage facility” around my waist, life is pretty good. Must keep perspective.

Unleash your creative energy - draw on the walls!

Weights are on hold this week. :-( Before the boy gets back and we get back into the usual routine, I want to accomplish 2 things: 1) get the house put back together and 2) finish drawing on my kitchen walls.

This is a project I've had in my head for a while. I am using an overhead projector to trace celtic knotwork designs onto the band of blank wall space above the cabinets & doorways in the kitchen. Right now I am still in the drawing process. Then I will paint. It's either gonna look fabulous or bizarre. If its the latter, I'll just use the solid color wall paint to hide my experiement gone awry.

I am still walking, and food is back on track. But weights & extra cardio have to wait while I have the overhead projector out on loan. And I am going to finally upload my pics that I've been promising for forever so you can see the valences I made for the living & dining rooms.

No worries - I think I've finally got a resonable school week schedule going on that will let me get to the gym and my beloved iron more. And I'm reading a chapter of Dave Draper a night to keep me inspired. I have two of his books - I highly recommend them. You can order them over at davedraper.com.

See ya!

Just a quickie

I hope everyone had a great weekend/holiday/etc. Mine was very nice. My sneaky family bought me a cuckoo clock! I have been wanting one for years - I almost bought myself one while on vacation in Bavaria many years ago. It was a real surprise!

The boy's big gift was a Nintendo DS - the new generation of Gameboy. He was pretty excited about that. Don't worry - he got plenty of other stuff too. That was the biggest thing - I don't believe in spending a fortune at Christmas. Saturday we went to the afternoon church service, then a light supper over at my mom's, and then we rode around a looked at Christmas lights. After that, we got my mom's dogs & all went over to our place. What fun! How can you not be happy with a lapful of doggies? :-)

Oh, and Friday we went out to the fondue restaurant for a belated job celebration. The thing is, because you are cooking your dinner at the table, you are eating for about 1.5 hours or so. You don't feel like you've eaten a lot, but its more than you think. And it starts with cheese fondue and ends with chocolate fondue - can I just say I had a serious tummy ache? But the food was really good, just waaaay richer than I am used to! Actually, the overeating started Friday and didn't end until bedtime last night. I'm not waiting until the new year - the gym bag is in the car!!!!

The boy's on vacation, and so are we!

The boy is on vacation this week and next. Since the hub and I have been working, he has been bouncing between grandma & grandpa. This week my day has gone something like this: wake up at 6 or so, head to office. Leave office, go to gym. Lift & do cardio for an hour. Head home for a bath & a Lean Cuisine. Watch a movie. Lather, rinse, repeat! I never knew people had this kind of free time! Woo hoo! I've missed him (don't worry - he's coming home for the weekend of course! :-), but I must admit I feel like I'm getting as much of a break as he is.

Went to the gym yesterday afternoon for shoulders & core, followed by 30 rockin' minutes on the elliptical. No cardio tonight because I am doing legs and that will wear my butt (and the rest of my lower body) out!

Tonight we are going out for our family "Neca got a new job" celebration at the fondue place here in town. I am looking forward to it! Mom & the boy are coming with us, of course.

I weighed 154 this morning - same as 2 weeks ago. While I'm not exactly losing vast amounts of weight, holding my own is a victory. Next week I will post my total loss for the year, and years past for the curious.

Have a great weekend/holiday/whatever you celebrate!

In Honor of Chris

Chris Brogan has taken his fitness blog and morphed it into an overall "self improvement" blog. I have a link to his blog, go check it out! I found some very good links to a couple of sites concerning Power Point presentations, the bane of my existence. (smirk).

In keeping with that spirit, here's a link to some of my favorite office inspirational quotes:
http://www.despair.com/viewall.html Enjoy!

p.s. Please don't kill me Chris! :-)

The gym report

That whole putting the gym bag in the car technique worked awesome yesterday, meaning I actually went to the gym! Yesterday was biceps & triceps – when I am lifting, my arms look fantastic. If I could lose some fat they would rule. Seriously.

After lifting I did 30 minutes on the treadmill. There was no good show on, and I was really flagging there at the 20 minute mark. But then the “Rocky” theme came on the trusty MP3 player, followed by the theme from “Blade II”. Let’s just say the final 2 minutes was me running up a 10% grade at 5 mph. I felt amazing! I can’t believe I am running on a treadmill. The same girl that last winter was so proud of the fact that I ran outside all winter!?!? But I tell ya, when I wake up its like 16 degrees and I’m like “no way.” We’ll see how long it lasts – the first day I bail I will make myself run in the neighborhood, which I utterly despise doing in the afternoon. Do ask why. For one, I hate for people to see me – I like to be out there alone. I am a freak.

Dinner was a South Beach frozen whole wheat crust pizza with a big salad on the side. I added a little garlic powder & some red pepper flakes. YUM!

Last night we watched “Serenity”. My husband totally loves the show and was dying to see the movie. This is a show that on paper looks like I should adore it. And I do like a lot of the characters, it just never really clicked with me. Anyway, pretty good movie even if you’ve haven’t watched the show. Tonight’s movie special is “Nightmare Before Christmas.” We’ve been ripping through that Netflix queue, but since it has about 90 movies in it, I think we’re safe for a bit.

Getting the gym bag in the car is a critical step!

So, I left my gym bag at home yesterday morning. I was running late, and walked right past the darn thing. Arg!! Yesterday afternoon, I had a couple of errands to run before I went home. Naturally, by then I really wasn’t up to going to the gym so I took a bath instead. The good news is twofold: I didn’t follow that up with overeating and also, I left the house this morning WITH my gym bag. No worries – 4 out of 5 days is still darn good!

We watched “The Brothers Grimm” last night – it was pretty cute. Here’s the sad part though: after watching “Team America”, every time I see Matt Damon I turn to my husband, replicate that blank look of the Matt Damon puppet, and say “Matt Damon.” We probably did that 15 times during the movie last night. I’ll never look at poor Matt Damon the same way again after that movie. But the Brothers Grimm was pretty cute – not appropriate for young kids though (much like the original stories!).

I sure hope there is something interesting on the t.v. at the gym so I can manage some cardio – I hate running in the daylight hours and the mornings have been a bit too chilly lately!

Untie those “nots”

Lee wrote a terrific post about achievements. Go read it! I’ll still be here. (Go!) See how she turns that “not” around? I love it! I was getting a little blue about the things I hadn’t done this year. Then I started thinking about the bad things I haven’t done either: I have NOT: regained the weight I’ve lost, returned to my crappy eating habits (for more than a few days at the max anyway!), abandoned my exercise, quit planning and preparing healthy meals for my family. All of a sudden, I feel pretty far ahead in the game.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love lifting weights? Like most working moms, I struggle with fitting in gym time, but when I go I’m in heaven! Like yesterday afternoon for example. I love working my back & chest – I feel so powerful moving around lots of heavy iron. I get a warm fuzzy Conan feeling inside. :-) Then I got on the treadmill. Stop laughing – yes I did! And thanks to the “Dirty Harry” marathon on the USA network, I managed to stay on board for 30 minutes! After that I went home, had a healthy supper (salmon patties, baked sweet potato, and salad), then plonked down to watch “White Christmas” while finishing up the cards with the hubster. He made me skip the musical numbers, but it was still good.

I slept in this morning – I was tired (I moved a lot of iron!), it was cold outside, and my Chihuahua was using her “Reiki paws of power” ™ to keep me warm & drowsy. But that’s cool cause the boy is with grandpa, and the gym is there for me this afternoon. Have I ever mentioned how much I love working biceps? It makes me feel like Conan. :-)

The weatherman was wrong!!!

We didn't get any of the nasty Mr. Weatherman was calling for! Yay! I ran on Saturday and walked outside Sunday. I was feeling a little down & lethargic, but just a little time fast walking in the bright sunshine fixed me right up.

Weekend was good. Eating was better and the gym bag is in the car. The boy is off with the grandparents this week, so I bought Lean Cuisines to eat for dinner (with a salad) and made a big pot of chili for the hub. I'll make him a pot of chicken & dumplings mid-week. That should help get some of the bloat off. Could I have eaten better this weekend? Yeah, but it was a vast improvement over the last week or so.

Hub & I made a decision - we spend too much of our weekend time doing chores around the house and not enough time on fun stuff. So we've agreed to spend 15 minutes each evening (the whole family) tidying up a bit around the house. That's 45 minutes per night - that has to make the weekend easier. Between doing all the housework, planning, shopping for, and pre-cooking for the weeks meals, and errands, there isn't a lot of time left for fun. And I need fun!

I'm hitting the gym every day after work this week doing a body part a day plus some HIIT. Yow!

Runners who Rock

Bless Jack for mentioning me in this fun new meme. I needed the motivation – we’ve had ice here, so no exercise has occurred. But, sun this afternoon should clear the roads for a morning run tomorrow! Of course, then they are saying more ice Sunday. :-(

The Mission:
1. Create a post titled Runners Who Rock.
2. List three runners who rock and tell us why they rock. Make sure you provide a link to their blog!
3. Tell those three runners about the meme and tag them so they can keep it going.
4. Link to runners who rock and to the blogger who tagged you so we get a ping and can keep track of all the participants!

I would put Jack high on my list – despite the weather, swimming, whatever, that man has gone from couch spud to marathoner with lightening speed. His enthusiasm for running is infectious! But since he tagged me and I can’t put him, here is my list:

VJ may not technically be a runner (she’s a walker), but creative ways of incorporating exercise into her lifestyle is always on her brain. She has Christmas lights on her bicycle!

Lynne was one of the first running blogs I ever read. But hers isn’t just a running blog – she hikes and canoes and camps & is generally the kind of outdoorswoman I aspire to be. She can articulate why I love to run. While she doesn't post as often any more, her gems are worth the wait.

Lee again was an early blogger I read who showed me that there are plenty of moms roughly my age out there who are kicking butt in the gym & on the roads. From a lady scared of a bike turned spinning instructor, Lee is proof that you can make your fitness dreams your reality.

Way to go! Reads like these are why I know that while I may struggle with my weight goal, I will NEVER give up my new lifestyle.

Exploding Pants

How sad is it that I was much happier at yesterday's holiday luncheon where the food was utter crap? Today's food was yummy and I ate too much!!! Ice on ground, no exercise can occur (it's too dangerous to go to the gym even!). Sheesh. I think I'll pretty much skip dinner tonight!

More Human

Hello. I am beginning to feel more like a human being. I have not been to the gym. I haven't not exercised other than walking. Eating hasn't been all that, but I'll be climbing on the scale come Friday. I hope to feel up to lifting Saturday. I hate feeling like a bag of cat barf.

I ordered a great poster of a Tahitian beach for my new office. :-) And I am pestering the support dept about my new laptop. I have a case of the "short timers".

Blech.

I’m not feeling so hot – took a half day off yesterday and didn’t even make the boy’s Christmas program at school. I hope to feel human in the next couple of days, until then “blah!”. On a brighter note, I got all my Christmas shopping done, and everything but one gift is wrapped. Ha!

Movin' On Up

Hub starts his new job Monday. :-) This is the kind of work he enjoys (high end residential remodel & repair), an excellent salary, and a company that appears stable. Those three items coming together seems to be very rare (at least where we live!), so I am very excited for him.

In related news, I also have a new job (hence some of the stress this week!). It's a promotion to a new position in a new department, but with the same company. Very exciting, lots of changes, new boss, new friends, lots to learn etc. I've been in the same position 6 years, so this is huge for me!

Thanks for all the good thoughts - they seem to have paid off!

Hello there.

Dorky husband + work stress = 3 beers & saltines. There, I said it. I ate it. Forgive me blogfather, for I have noshed. I ran 2 miles for penance (and they felt good!). I will go forth and eat only the healthy food which I have prepared for the day.

Lynne wrote a great post (see link on side.) I have included a portion here (but please go read her whole post) because the words she wrote are so universal. I have a friend in a wheelchair, and my thoughts are with him for a portion of every run I do. If I could sit in his chair for a time so he could run, I would gladly do so.

"I run because I am able. There are millions of people who do not have the use of their legs who would love to be able to run. Because I have the use of my legs, I should use them.

I run for all of the people who say, "Wow, I could never do that," including the fat chick I used to be. As long as one says "I could never," one never will.

I run because I figured out that the only thing stopping me from running was me.

I run because running has allowed me to visit places I never would have dreamed of previously.

I have more reasons, but I also have to run to a meeting. Excuse me now."

Thanks for the inspiration Lynne. I can't wait to run tomorrow!

"Situation Normal. We're all fine here, how 'bout you?"

That's a line from the first "Star Wars" movie - remember the scene where Han & Luke are busting Leia out of the detention cell? Ah, youth. :-)

Seriously though, things are okay. Hub is working, I am exercising, stress has not caused me to fall into any pizzas or kegs, although I am using the heck out of my garden tub! He had an interview this morning he said sounded promising, so I am hoping good things are around the corner for us.

What's up with Blogger not wanting to take you to someone's blog on the first try? Is it just me?

Food's okay and my gym bag is in the car. I am sure I am much more exciting when angst fuels my creative juices, but right now I'm just in my little WW rut. Frankly, I wouldn't mind staying here for a while.

Take care all!

Not much new

Didn't make the gym yesterday. Boy wasn't feeling well after his flu shot, and I was stuck in traffic forever trying to get home thatnks to the president visiting our little town yesterday. Given my activities over the weekend, a day off isn't that bad.

I was down 2.2 pounds at WW today. Yay me!

It was icy this morning, so running will occur tonight.

Carmen seemed like she wasn't feeling all that hot this morning, and hub doesn't know if he has any work for the rest of the week. Sigh. But eating chocolate won't help either of those things now, will it????

Sometimes continuing is a victory itself

I had a total binge yesterday afternoon, set up in the typical way: too much work left for not enough weekend left. It involved Mexican & beer, and I probably went a good 15-20 points over for the week. So, this morning I woke up an immediately begin beating myself up (as usual). What is unusual is that I rejected that line of thinking. I immediately called up a few facts:

- I had an amazing workout at the gym Saturday morning! I was there an hour – it was just me & the hub, and I could have worked out forever! It felt fantastic. I left there feeling like an animal – I focused on back & chest, but got in a great total body workout.

- We went out of town for the day Saturday, and despite stops at Jack in the Box and Dunkin’ Donuts, I stuck with my plan. I enjoyed what I had, used a few flex points, but kept track.

- Sunday I got up and ran! It was the first “long” run of Galloway’s marathon plan (2 miles), but I did the whole first week of the plan. Instead of lamenting how far my running has fallen off, I’m just glad to be back at it again.

- I am signed up for a spinning class tonight, and plan on taking the 30 min ab class beforehand.

I can still succeed at losing weight and gaining healthy without being “perfect” (whatever that is). It happened, and as much as I hate that, I can’t undo it. I can just keep on trying to make better choices.

How was your weekend?

Sorry bout that

Didn’t mean to not post yesterday, I just got busy. I ran again yesterday morning, walked at lunch, and hit the gym after work. It must’ve been a good workout because I was so tired this morning! I went to bed at 9, and barely dragged my butt up at 5:45. That is a sign that I had a good session at the gym. I did shoulders, back, and abs. Tomorrow morning I am doing a total body before heading out to Greenville SC for the day.

My husband’s work is a little hit & miss right now – the last 2 weeks have been mostly “miss”, but next week looks like it will be better. Exercise and meditation is keeping him more positive than he would have been in the past, and I am keeping positive too. Freaking out won’t help a thing, but it is hard I’ll admit. I’ve eaten well all week, haven’t had a beer since Sunday, and seen to have found some energy. Motivation is still lacking, but if I waited for motivation, I’d look like Jabba the Hut!

I slept in today because 1) I was pooped! And 2) I’ll be getting up early both days this weekend. I will walk at lunch and do something this evening. Dinner is in the crockpot, so I’m sure I’ll appreciate that when I get home!

Last night I used the turkey broth to make the best chicken & rice soup in the crockpot. Tonight is chicken & dumplings, and tomorrow when we get home I have some leftover beef vegetable from earlier in the week. The soup diet! Ha!