The Smith can be your friend

While I think that free squats are better than Smith squats, here's a great article in Muscle & Fitness (Hers) showing some uses for the Smith. They show a nice assisted pull-up (inverted row they call it). I plan on using that baby!

http://www.muscleandfitnesshers.com/hers/120804/smith.html

Life Can Resume

We have our house back - woo hoo! I am feeling better already, which is saying something considering I slept lousy last night.

I am grateful for Friday, a relaxing weekend, and a nice trip to the gym this evening! I plan to do some HIIT on the elliptical after doing legs, abs, & low back. Dinner is in the freezer (homemade chili), so it's a low maintenance evening - just what I need!

Not Fitness Related, except the last paragraph

Just wanted to put that up there. The thing is, my husband hired a helper (hubby is a carpenter BTW) a few weeks ago. The helper (we’ll call him A) lives in Raleigh. This was fine when the hubster was working out of town. Because A doesn’t have a driver’s license, he has been staying with us during the week ever since hubby started working close enough to come home every night. This has probably been going on 3 weeks now. This would be difficult even under the best of circumstances. The circumstances aren’t the best. Suffice it so say, my home is no longer a place I can go to unwind. I am angry and resentful there, unless I’m hiding in the bathtub. I am in danger of turning into a raisin at any moment. I’ve never been this clean in my life – ha ha.

Ironically enough, hubby has been feeling the same way and both of us have been waiting for the other to speak up. Ugh. Anyway, we are putting in our notice that this will end. So I am glad of that. I just feel I am in this holding pattern until then. I hate feeling like I am “waiting” for something. I’d rather just live. But at least improvement is on the horizon.

I have no fitness news. I had to get blood drawn this morning, so both breakfast and exercise were a no go. Cafeteria food has never looked so good as it did this morning! Tonight is back & chest at the gym, plus an evening walk, and a walk at lunch. Breakfast was a piece of quiche from the barfeteria and half a grapefruit. I love grapefruit. Lunch is a big salad some protein chunks (chicken probably). Dinner tonight is rotisserie chicken, steamed green beans, and fresh corn on the cob. And plenty of water, since I drank hardly any yesterday. I left my lemon at home and I can’t stand plain water with no lemon.

ttfn!

Serendipity

Three times is a charm. First, my girlfriend went to a belly dance seminar in Florida (she dances with a troupe) and was telling me about this great African dance troupe that put on an exhibition. 2) At our diversity conference, a local African dance troupe (which has traveled all over the world) performed and I was impressed. 3) Today while working the blood drive, a lady that works near me (but in a different department) plops down & asks “How did you lose the weight?” We start talking and she invites me to come out to a local African dance class. (She said there were white girls there:-). So, I guess that will be my next foray into fun fitness.

Krista over at stumptuous.com has put up instructions in how to modify pull-ups to assist yourself so you can actually build up to doing them. I did assisted pull-ups on the Smith with my feet on a bench last night. I am quite sure I looked like a total dumb-a$$, but I really felt it in my arms. Did I mention I actually lifted real weights last night? Biceps, triceps, and shoulders. Can I get a rousing rendition of “We Will Rock You”?

Also, I made myself some liquid crack (lima bean soup). Note to self, take a digestive enzyme with that. Hope everyone in the weight room blamed that on somebody other than the cute blond hanging from the Smith machine. Just saying.

When the low hanging fruit is gone

First off, yesterday was a darn good beginning. Had a much better attitude due to seeing some changes implemented, plus I walked & ate well. We are going to the gym tonight due to a change in the boy’s schedule. Which probably was for the best, as I was able to get in a really good speed-work session this morning. That might have been tough after leg night. I ran 2 miles this morning, doing some pretty fast (for me) runs with walk breaks. Felt great! After just a day of eating well and exercise, I feel like a brand new woman! And my husband even got up and walked a mile this morning, which made me very happy.

I was thinking about this whole journey. When you first decide to lose weight/get healthier, it’s not simply that you are in the “honeymoon phase”, it’s the low hanging fruit theory. When you go to pick apples off a tree, the first ones you pick are the ones easily in your reach. I submit we do this when we make our lifestyle changes. The first changes you make are the easiest to implement. They don’t take a whole lot of effort. Everyone’s easy changes are different – maybe it’s switching to diet soda, or packing your lunch. You lose weight, then it stops. You make a few more changes and you lose a little more. Until you get near your goal weight. With 10 to 15 pounds to go, you’ve made a lot of changes. If you’ve kept it off, you’ve probably changed your lifestyle. But you still want to lose a little more and there’s no more low hanging fruit in site. If you want more, you have to head for the garage for the ladder cause it won’t be easy!

That’s where I feel like I am. The changes I need to make to lose the last bit of weight are known to me. I know what I have to change to lose the rest of the weight. But what’s left are the tough changes (for me). And given the fact that I derive emotional safety from this extra fat, I have chosen to sit here on the fence. My goal is in sight, but I am hesitant to go there. If you read what I write here, you know I want to go for it, but I am afraid. And I know the changes will mean some sacrifice. Is it worth it? Will I fish, or keep cutting bait? Only time will tell.

Of fair weather blogging and goal setting

I have been writing here for over a year now. I post regularly – 4 or 5 times a week unless I’m on vacation. I am not a fair weather blogger. You know the type, they’re all amazingly insightful posts and/or all fired up…. For a while. Then they get tired, or something happens, and they disappear for a month or 2 or forever.

The down side of my compulsion is that you have to read even when I am struggling, or down. (Or not I guess.) Every boring detail gets written about here. Like others, I want to slink away to a corner when I am struggling. But having to come back to this place helps to keep me accountable the way WW meetings do for some. Sorry bout that, but really, this place IS all about me, right? :-)

Megan (who is a fabulous writer BTW), posted a comment to my last post about what my goals were going to be. Well, besides losing the rest of my flabby belly (ha ha), for cardio it will be running. I like riding my bike. I love running. I swim because I have to for triathlons. It is so off my radar until next December! :-O I also need to get better about doing my HIIT, because I’ve been even more slack about that than I have my weights.

For weights, I am going to use the 3 day per week plan in the “Body Sculpting Bible for Women.” I love weights, but my lack of focus has led to boredom. Without a workout partner who also happens to be a personal trainer, my plan has not had a lot of focus. It’s time to change that. I need to get fired up about the weights again. As they say in corporate America “We need to be maniacally focused.” That always makes me think of Jack Nicholson in “The Shining”, but a little maniacal focus might help. I am going to sit down with the book this weekend and write out my workouts.

The book has you do a routine for 2 weeks and then change it up in order to keep your body off balance. Sounds good – I seem to be suffering from a case of “short attention span theater”. That’s my high level plan – specific details will follow.

Back to Basics

Stress is an insidious thing. First you are slacking a little on the weights, then you miss a couple of long runs, and the next thing you know you are eating buttered noodles and ice cream for dinner while watching “Dracula 3000”, wondering what happened to your shiny dream of fitness.

But this isn’t a car accident, where you are skidding out of control, powerless. You have power. So do I. I expressed some feelings, and asked for some changes. Message given and received.

So, today is back to basics. Many things have slipped, and I can’t just jump back to where I was – I think that would be too much. Today I am going to do legs at the gym, and go for a walk after lunch. My food is planned. My book “Body Sculpting Bible for Women” came in the mail, so I am going to set up a routine. But this week something in the gym is better than the nothing or half-ass crap that has been passing for weight training for the past 3 weeks.

I have to say I am a little jealous. I read about Lee’s 100 k bike event, and Lynne’s 50 mile ultra. And Jack is getting ready for his first marathon! So much exciting stuff going on here in our fitness blogdom! My goal is to run this upcoming weekend. Having to cancel my marathon plan has left me feeling a little adrift, but that is no excuse.

Back to putting myself first.

Of Vacations and my Secret Vice

I realized a couple of years ago that we needed 2 vacations per year: one for my husband and one for me. The first couple of years we had the one vacation (“his”), but that just didn’t work.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned here that my husband and I met because we both do medieval battle recreation. Every year we attend the largest medieval battle recreation in the world in August in Slippery Rock PA called Pennsic. Its 2 weeks long, but we generally attend for 7 – 10 days. I love getting to hit people with sticks every day for days on end – really, its cheaper than therapy and you get to tell some great stories. “So, I was on the front line in the bridge battle – Gigantor fell and actually fought sitting on top of me…” Priceless. And I love it. But the place we go is a primitive site – basically a flat plain. And group camping in primitive conditions (2 spigots for a couple of hundred folks and bring your own shower) gets pretty tiresome, especially when you have a child to tend to. So I decided I needed a “me” vacation.

My husband is a good man. So 2 years ago when I calmly announced that we were spending a week in a resort on the Mayan Riviera, he was cool with that. This year it’s a house on the outer banks for a week (Hatteras to be more precise). I love his vacation, but I need something that’s relaxing in a different way as well. It works.

Which brings me to my vice. It’s pretty tough to keep sunscreen on continuously for 10 days, especially when you may be down at the battlefield sweating for a few hours. So I started going to the tanning bed 4 years ago. I usually start around April 15th, and tan until we leave for Pennsic (early-mid August). I don’t get super dark – just a good enough coat that I won’t suffer from sunburn if I’m exposed to the sun for an hour or so. Since then, I’ve never gotten a sunburn. But I have mixed feelings – I know tanning isn’t good for you, but burning isn’t either. And tanning is a little pricey. I like the way I look with a tan. I guess it sounds dumb, but I feel a little guilty for doing it – that’s why I called it a “vice.” I’m trying to decide whether to do it this year again or not. I dunno.

We have begun discussing “my” vacation for next year. I want to spend a couple of days hiking the App Trail. We have a nice section here in NC and we could do it fairly cheaply. Since we wouldn’t be up there a super long time, we could get away with using cheaper equipment. My son is totally excited – my husband is resigned. But he’s willing, bless him.

Last night was chest & back, with a hard 15 minutes on the elliptical. This morning was a great 2 mile walk. Tonight I am finishing upper body. Since we have team building out of the office tomorrow and I don’t have to be there until 9 am, I am planning a short “long” run tomorrow morning. Maybe 5 or 6 miles, with a real long run on Sunday.

Lunch out of the can

This is a plug for Goya products – I’ve tried a few lately. Sofrito and recaito are both a little like a pureed salsa, but with different stuff. Great thrown in with some chicken in the crockpot, or to zest up some canned beans. Just rinse the beans, add a little seasoning, and there’s a good side to go with lunch. This week I’m eating a tuna patty (made with ½ can of tuna), ½ a can of beans (today was black beans), and ½ a can of green beans. Pretty healthy, easy, and cheap. What’s not to love? Goya also has some good seasoning packets as well. I am throwing out what is left of my birthday cake tonight. I’ve eaten “on plan” so far today, and my body is thanking me!

Luckily, I have beer tastes to match our beer budget

I’m not much of a shopper. But I really enjoy shopping for beauty products. I don’t usually – I pick up mascara or whatever I need while I do my grocery shopping. But yesterday, I stopped at W-M and at the drug store to browse & buy. I got a couple of high ticket items: a L’oreal dermabrasion kit (read it was good in a magazine) and some of that hair color that you also add highlights. Those were about $20 each. Then got some Nivea sunless tan for your face (it’s a very mild one so you can add just a little color) and some powder that supposed to help with redness (which I get on my cheeks). Those were about $10 – I read about the Physician’s formula corrector in a mag also. Then just a bunch of stuff – root volumizer, hair spray, 1 lipstick and 2 glosses, mascara, blah blah blah. Did a great masque on my face last night, and generally felt like a princess. As much fun as a trip to the day spa for less $$$. I try to be a low maintenance wife, despite yesterday’s rant.

Pics up

Look in my pictures link over on the side. New albums are called "Fox bday 05" (that's the boy's bday), "Fox brown belt". "Pilot Mtn 05" (recent hiking trip), "Triathlon 05" (I posted the dreaded swimsuit pic - be kind), "Neca bday 05", and "Me! spring 05" - pics of my now not-so-new- hairdo.

Is my birthday no longer cursed? (but I’m still a pudge)

Here’s a true story about my birthday. See, I grew up in a family where you got gifts, and a special dinner, and the cake of your choice, because your birthday is your very own special day. I know not all families are like this, but mine is. You don’t have to be like that, but that is how things work in my world.

While my husband did not grow up like this, he has embraced the concept whole-heartedly for his birthday. But mine??? We’ve been together for 4 of my birthdays now. Birthday #1 happened 4 days before he moved down from DC. We were on the phone and he failed to mention my b-day. I say “Aren’t you going to wish me a happy birthday?” He says “Is it your birthday?” I say “yes”. He says “Are you sure?” No further mention is made of my birthday again that year.

I am not a stupid woman. I know men don’t have esp. I explain exactly what I expect, using words appropriate for a comic book. The next year, my grandfather is in the hospital dying. What was supposed to be a routine surgery became a horrid nightmare. We met at the hospital, visited, went out to eat (at a place I selected and paid for), visited a little more, and went home. It became obvious my husband hadn’t done anything. He said “Things have been so busy, I didn’t think I needed to.” Being a mature adult, I drove to the store for a 6-pack. Which I drank and then cried myself to sleep. He left, bought something he wanted, and gave that to me the next morning.

The next year I explain that, like the state of California, I have a “3 strikes and you’re out” policy. I tell him what I want – an MP3 player. He did get me one (it wasn’t wrapped and there was no card), but he was getting better. Until I found out a few days later that he’d let a bunch of financial stuff with his business slide and we were several thousand dollars in debt I didn’t know about. I re-took control of ALL finances, we went to counseling, and the MP3 went back to the store.

Queue up this year. I again want an MP3 player. My Sony walkman died, and the cheapy stand-in doesn’t play in reverse (so every 45 minutes I have to physically flip the tape over). It sucks. I print out descriptions (complete with pictures) of the 2 I like. Because my husband is himself, he of course waits until yesterday to buy it. Which he does on the way home from work. He has agreed to pick the boy up from tae kwon do so I can go home, paint my toe nails, and finish watching “Wrong Turn” to send back to Netflix (young people being chased by cannibals through the mountains of W.V. – must be watched with no kids around).

He comes home and wants to immediately hand me the package (in the bag he bought it in). Can you spell b-i-t-c…, I knew you could. I calmly (okay, that’s a stretch) explain that all I want is a gift that is something I would like, on my actual birthday, in a f-ing gift bag. I’m not difficult. If it smells good, is used in a bathroom (soap, foam, spray), and is in a gift bag I’ll be happy!!! I go for beer. He goes to the guest room, where he discovers the iPod is not compatible with Windows ME. I say I guess it has to go back to the store. I cry and go to bed.

This morning, I get up to fix his lunch and breakfast. He comes in with a gift bag and a card. He admits he bought the card and gift bag at the drug store after picking up the boy after my tantrum. It’s a nice card, and there’s a mini iPod shuffle in the bag. His helper has offered to load Windows XP on our POS computer so I can have music on my MP3 player. I tell my husband he is my hero, the greatest husband in the world, and that I love him.

He really is a good husband. He’s just got to learn that a) I need to manage the money and b) when in doubt, it’s hard to overdo my birthday.

The rest of the stuff

After getting my gift, I had a great run (with my crappy soon to be former walkman)! Got dressed, & the boy & I went to Sonic for breakfast. Without the cheese, the ham & egg sandwich isn’t a bad choice. I should probably not listen to 80s hair metal around my son, as we sat & discussed the lyrics to “Cold Shower” by Kix. He decided it was about a guy being dissed by his girl – she slams the door in his face, leaving him to walk home in a cold rain shower. Thank god for that interpretation. See, someone is looking out for me! I drop him at school – he says “Smell ya later, Jeeves” as he slides out of the car. I cue the Rocky theme, open the sunroof, and decide to have a good day even though I’m at work!

Also, got a ton of pics yesterday – I will let you know when they are loaded onto my picture site. I am still a pudge, although I am looking better. I refuse to post the one of me in my bathing suit at the tri Saturday. Really. Ugh. I was thinking sushi for lunch, but maybe just a diet Coke & a cigarette. Okay, just the diet Coke, but only if it has lime.

Thanks for the great birthday wishes – I am so appreciative of the great friendship & support I’ve found here in this corner of blogdom. I have decided this will be a great day!

Odds & Ends & A Race Report

I couldn’t get into blogger on Friday, and I was home sick with the boy Thursday. So, I’ll try to catch you all up. :-)

The tri report:

Note to self: Next year maybe we should pony up the funds for a hotel in Raleigh. I’m all for staying with friends, however, there were a number of things I didn’t know: 1) Their guest room not only doesn’t have a bed, it has hardwood floors. 2) Not only did the almost-4-week-old baby wake up, they keep their house roughly the surface temperature of the sun for said baby 3) Thanks for loaning us the alarm clock. Too bad you set it so it went off at midnight! Do I even need a number 4???

Needless to say, we were all a little tired Saturday morning. But we’d had an awesome dinner at the Mongolian grill (and a trip to Sephora!) Friday night, so we tried not to be too bitter. Got to the race site (we’d checked in the night before), set up in the transition area, got marked, and waited our turn. It was cold and windy Saturday morning. I told the guys we’d be grateful for it later, but I’m not sure my son believed me. It did stink for the spectators.

The swim was me, and it went okay. Having a cold made it tough – I actually had to stop mid-lane and cough at one point! But I did fine, and sprinted into the transition to pass off the chip. Poor hubby had it tough. I knew it would be hard – with the shingles, he hadn’t ridden in 3 weeks, plus was still a little tired. And it was still very windy! Not to mention hilly on the back side of the course. But he did okay, and the boy & I were waiting. We passed off the chip & the boy & I were off.

I can’t tell you how proud I am of my son. He was a bit slack with the training leading up to the race, but he did a good job with the pace and with making good use of walk breaks. His ankle was bothering him a little, but he hung in there and did great. We had put on sun screen, which was good. By the run it was sunny with a slight breeze. Perfect. He had saved enough to put on a good finish, and I have to tell you I got all teary as we went through the chute together. Hubby was waiting on the other side with PowerAde, which we needed!

There was still pizza, pasta, and pasta salad left, and we noshed on that. Then loaded up the car to head home. We made a pit stop just down the road at Dunkin Donuts, and we all got our favorite donut plus a large coffee for the hubster. Which was a good thing, cause you know both the boys passed out, leaving me “alone” to drive us home! Thank goodness for 80s metal CDs – nothing like singing along with the Scorpions & drinking your husband’s coffee (did I mention I don’t like coffee?) to keep you going. I made it to Burlington before I woke him up & made him drive the last half hour.

Times are supposed to be posted today, so I’ll let you know about that tomorrow.

The scale report:

Down a pound last Friday. I won’t make my birthday goal by tomorrow, but I’m headed in the right direction! Maybe by this Friday though!

The birthday report:

It’s tomorrow, but went out with sister, mom, & family last night. Sushi. Yum. Good gifts, good food, great time. I’m a happy woman!

The head report:

Doing the tri seems to have blown out the last few cobwebs. I’m feeling in a much better place today. A lot more upbeat about training. Looking forward to lifting tonight, and I got in a great walk this morning.

Misc:

I really thought about Lynne doing her 50 miler Saturday. I told my family how much I admired her. A couple of people sitting next to us overheard and asked “Is she still out on the course?” I explained she was doing a 50-miler, and they asked why. My answer was “because she can”. But I was thinking, Here you are in your fancy gear - you obviously do tris regularly Why are you here? Why do any of us do these things? I mean, we could get the same benefits a whole lot cheaper if we just ran or biked around our neighborhoods. But there is something about going someplace and doing it with a bunch of other people that pumps you up in a different way. If you read my blog regularly you know I’m not a frequent racer. A couple a year is plenty for me. I don’t train for them. I train for the zen of the training. But I think my son got a taste of that “high” you get when you’re out in a race. He & my husband both are already talking about next year’s family team triathlon. :-)

Can't a girl get a break???

So, my mom went to the hospital with my grnadma last night, and couldn't take the boy to tutoring. So, my evening got hosed and no exercise happened. But eating was at least okay. This is getting frustrating! And my poor mom was at the hospital until 2 am!

p.s. If I seem flip about my grandma, it's just that she has had Alzheimer's for 15 years now, and going to be with my granddaddy would be a blessing. Instead she has "great health" - besides the fact that she has no freaking clue who she is.... So, we just won't go there today.

Here in the in between

That is how I feel today. Pudgy and a little “hung over” (in a food way) from putting crappy food in my body for days, coupled with lack of exercise. But the thought of exercise isn’t very exciting either – it’s cloudy & grey & its perfect napping weather. I think I’ll go swim anyway. And go for a walk too! So there!!!

Evil marketing schemes

The microwave at work is right across from the vending machine in our break area. So I find myself staring into the vending machine while I heat up my lunch or soup. Generally, the expression on my face is about the same as it would be if I were looking at the arachnid exhibit at the zoo: curious, but a bit revolted. This is a good feeling to have while peering into a vending machine, IMO. Actually, eating the spiders would no doubt be healthier. But anyway…. Lately I have noticed “limited edition” candy. What???? In the past couple of weeks I’ve been limited edition “inside out” reese’s, white chocolate versions of traditional candy bars, and yesterday “fudge” reese’s pb cups. My theory is that the marketing department has realized that folks trying to lose weight treat calories like a “mad money” allowance. You only get so many, so you try to spend them wisely. Many times I tell myself I don’t have to eat every treat today – I can have this today, but that tomorrow, or next week. It will still be there. But with limited edition candy, they are telling you that you must get it now. The implication is that once it sells out, its gone forever, and you will grow old without ever knowing what a fudge reese’s pb cup tastes like. How evil is that??? (Don’t worry – I didn’t get the stupid things.)

Food was excellent yesterday – I used the old “eat your dinner off a lunch plate” trick – ½ full of broccoli & cauliflower, a small piece of homemade meatloaf (with extra lean ground beef), and about ¼ cup of mashed potatoes. I love homemade mashed potatoes. Yum, and pretty healthy!

Exercise wasn’t quite as good. The boy & I planned to run, but we came in after a mile. It was 83 outside and we got too hot. While he did tae kwon do, I did a little bit of weight lifting (chest & back). I should have gone swimming, but I really didn’t want to. I did a few minutes on the stairmaster instead, and then sat in the last few minutes of his class.

Today I plan to walk this evening and then he & I are going swimming after dinner. I walked at lunch yesterday, but we may have to walk inside today. We’re supposed to get rain for the next 3 days, with cooler but sunny weather for the tri on Saturday.

Dinner is in the crockpot – I checked a couple of crockpot cook books out of the library – I use mine regularly and wanted some new ideas. It has tequila, so I’m sure it will be good. :-O

Little pink dress

I am feeling better today. It helps that my house is clean, I am rested, and I feel ready for the week. The hubster is back at work, so things are getting back to normal.

My weekend was long, which was good. Eating and exercise were pitiful. But you know, I feel so over that. I’m sure it will happen again, but not today. Not even tomorrow. I am feeling strong again. My food for the week is prepped, healthy dinners are planned, and I am running this afternoon with my son! Life is feeling pretty good again.

One of the things I did was to go shopping for something to wear to my brother’s wedding on May 7th. I found an adorable pink dress which I love. Too bad its tight in the hips. I bought it anyway. I have a month to get into the little pink dress. I know, how trivial a goal compared with a marathon. But its cute, and its pink. What is it about lifting weights that makes me feel so girly?

I finished skimming “The body sculpting bible for women”. Think I’m gonna give it a whirl, after I modify their eating plan. Sorry - 1200 calories ain’t gonna cut it.

I’m back.

Tidying Up

I've updated my links to other bloggers. What I had was so old! And I wanted a way to give a shout out to some people that, while I've only found them recently, have helped me immeasurably! And to people like Lee and Lynne and Brenna, that I feel like I've been reading forever, and never get tired of. :-)

Blogging has been so great for me. It's opened up a world of support and information. Lynne amazes me. Any time I start thinking I'm tired during my tri, I'll thinking about her running 50 MILES on the same day. How amazing is that????

I also updated my weight. Only up 2 pounds this week. Betcha 1 is water and 1 is real. Okay, time to move on. I am planning to run 16 miles tonight after supper. Early dinner, then off for a facial. Then come home & run around the neighborhood. I'll let you know how it goes.

Lots to do this weekend, so I am leaving work at 11 to get a head start. I want to get my kitchen clean & my shopping done today. The bathrooms are clean, and I think the hubster can manage the vacuuming. So the house is in good shape. Going to be out of town tomorrow for the day, then Sunday is cooking and mowing the front yard. Then a cookout with neighbors. All I've got to bring is the creamed spinach. :-)

Somewhere in there I want to plan some quiet time to paint my toe nails. And a swim if I can.

Hope you all have a terrific weekend. I plan to come back and be my usual self, as opposed to the negative pod person that has been using my body this week. I know we all have moods, but I really hate being down. It feels like such a waste of time. But I've found that fighting it tends to drag it out - better to ride the wave & get it over.

Where’s Your Head at?

It’s amazing how talented I am at completely disassociating myself with my emotions. I realized something last night as I was pigging out. Something I have been afraid to express because it sounds petty and immature. I resent the fact that my husband is sick (due to stress) and now I am stuck with his work as well as mine. Have I not been shouldering as much of the burden? So, what happens? He gets a week off and I get to cut the grass, clean the house, take the boy to his after school activities, do the shopping, pay the bills, tackle the taxes…… You get the idea.

So, my retreat from my anger and resentment (not to mention guilt over feeling those emotions) has been food. Maybe just the act of acknowledging those feelings by writing it down here will be enough to get me out of this cycle. I am taking time off work tomorrow because there is literally not enough time to do in 2 days all my work plus all my husband’s. I am using my vacation to do housework. And that sucks. I haven’t had any time for myself this week – I didn’t even get to take the hot bath I so badly wanted after mowing the yard. I had to make dinner and then take the boy to tae kwon do.

I am a really miserable right now.

Has Dr. Evil stolen my mojo?

Last night was a mixed bag.

Went home and filled out the taxes (20 minutes people. Why didn’t I do this 2 months ago when I first did them online and found out I couldn’t file them online?). We ate a yummy & healthy dinner out of ye olde crockpot (family loved it!). Then I took the boy to tutoring. While I waited, I walked around the tutor’s neighborhood for a while. It’s an older neighborhood, quiet. I listened to the birds and lawn mowers and dogs. I waved to folks I passed and felt good. It reminded me of when I was a little girl, and my grandparents and I would walk around their neighborhood after supper. After the tutoring, we went home and we went for an easy 2 mile run (it was getting dark and he said he didn’t feel comfortable running at dusk. How hysterical is that?).

Then I went to the dark side. Had a cold beer with the hubby. Decided a little dessert sounded good. Scarfed down a brownie while standing in the kitchen. Fixed myself a brownie with low cal ice cream on top. Had another beer.

WHAT!?!?! Geez Lousie! A) I don’t keep brownies in my house – my mom brought them over and left them so she wouldn’t eat them at her house. Thanks Mom. B) There is a good reason I don’t keep beer in the house except for the weekend. The siren song is too much for me, I’ll admit it. Most people trying to lose weight have trigger foods they can’t keep in the house. Mine are crackers and beer (I’m sure I could think of a few others as well).

Today was trash day. I got up, dumped both cartons of ice cream AND the remaining brownies in the trash, tied it up, and took it out. No guff about throwing away perfectly good food. There is no one in my home who needs that crap. We enjoyed (all of us at one point or another) more than enough of the brownies and ice cream. Out it went. The beer is gone. No more trigger foods in my house, thankfully.

My size 12 jeans still don’t fit despite what I’ve lost. Closer, but no cigar. I told myself a while back I wanted to be at 149 for my birthday (which is April 19). I weighed 151 last Friday, and I haven’t done anything to lower that number since then – quite the opposite in fact. I have just under 2 weeks to lose 2 pounds plus whatever damage I’ve done in the last 4 days.

What do I want? To be fit, yes. To do this triathlon with my family certainly. But I am still overweight. And I want to finish what I started and get to goal. I’ve been waffling in my head, and I realize that the weight needs to be my focus. Not as exciting maybe, but it got to be done. So, I am going to basically stick to what I have been doing, but my long run is going to be in the 12-14 mile range, and I’ll hang out there for a while. Not sure exactly what else, but weight training needs to get more attention.

I’ll keep you posted.

How about "I feel like I suck"?

Like Chris said, I don't suck. I just feel like it right now. :-) Had a great lunch, limiting myself to 2 rolls and 1/3 of my cheesecake. Considering I was sitting next to my "food pusher extraordinaire" co-worker, I was pretty pleased. Also a healthy salad, green beans, and poached fish.

I am just feeling a little overwhelmed and sorry for myself. Hubby doesn't get paid when he doesn't work, so missing this much work is kinda a big deal for us. We won't starve, but still....

I will feel much more positive when 1) I have mailed in my taxes. 2) I've made up my mind where to focus this spring & summer.

I think Chris' post today was on track. While he wrote it about himself, I think is applies to me also. I've been so busy with tri & marathon training that weight loss has stopped being my focus. Gee, do you think my stall might be because of that? I think it's time to put the focus back on weight loss. I can't do a long run this weekend - I already had plans for this weekend I can't back out of. Maybe I should just admit I need to focus on getting in my jeans for a while. Keep running, yes. Keep making it the focus? Maybe not. Does this mean I'm a quitter? I dunno.....

I Suck

Really. I'm so tired of the pity party - 2 days of crappy eating and no exercise. How humiliating. And it's not getting me anywhere I want to go. I am so done with this crap.

I have a luncheon today. I chose a healthy entree (and cheesecake). I am going running with the boy after work today.

I cannot let my husband's being sick screw up my eating & exercise. I think part of it is that I still don't know what to do about my running schedule....

Not what I had planned

Well, my husband has shingles. And he is allergic to the antibiotic they gave him. It was a pretty miserable weekend. I didn't finish my run. I kept checking on him every 4 miles (yes, he was THAT sick). At 12 miles he asked me to please go get him some yogurt.

So, my run schedule is thrown off. Yesterday was a "free day" when it came to food (more like "free for all"). He is feeling enough better that I am no longer freaking out. But he is home for the week - he basically just woke up about 11 or so. He went to bed at 10.

But hey, I ate my healthy pancakes for breakfast! Hope your weekend was better than mine. At least he is improving....

Pleasant Surprise

The scale was kind – up 0.5 pounds. Maybe next week will be water retention week? I seriously contemplated not getting on the scale, but facing the music is easier, and now I’m glad I did. I feel excited about my food plan for the weekend – I feel like it will set me up for scale success next week. I haven’t seen the 140s in 4 years or more – I can feel them right around the corner!

I did run last night, but didn’t make the pool. Post healthy dinner, I took hubby to Prime Care, this time for a rash on his face. They were just closing, but I elicited a promise that he would go this morning. Poor man – he has had a very tough week. He deserves a weekend of D&D!

I made a really great breakfast that I loved! I took some oatmeal, a raw egg, a scoop of protein powder, and mixed. Then added a little instant pancake mix and enough water to make batter. Cooked up my pancakes, and served with frozen mixed berries (thawed), spray butter, and a little sugar free syrup. I feel like I had a decadent breakfast, but really it was pretty darn healthy! I think I’ll cook up a batch for next week. Excellent!