When anxiety attacks

Yesterday I worked from home. It was nice - I took my car in for an oil change and on breaks put some things away etc., so the house is in better shape.

My son ended up driving back up here Tuesday after work (he took the week off!). He's helping mom with some stuff around her house. We met up and had dinner last night which was nice.

Work has been a strange blend of hectic (it's our busiest time of year) coupled with quiet since my boss is out, and folks have been taking time off throughout the week. Everything is very much not normal - which is both good and bad. (I thrive on routine).

I had a (mild) anxiety attack on the way to work this morning. I'm not sure if it was random (which is possible), or if it's possibly related to the trip to Disney in a couple of weeks. I'm wondering if it was triggered by T's BIL stopping by yesterday and discussing the trip.

Why would a trip to Disney lead to anxiety:

• While I know T's mother fairly well, I haven't spent a great deal of time with his sister or BIL. And his BIL's politics are pretty much the polar opposite of mine (to me, they veer off into wacky territory). 
• I don't do well with crowds.
• I don't do well in situations where I feel like I have no control (and this whole trip has been planned, regimented, booked, and reserved, right down to our designated "do your own thing" couple of breaks).

I am afraid I am going to get tired, overwhelmed, or just stressed and not feel like I have it in my power to do anything about it.

The trip is an anniversary trip for T's mom and his dad is footing the bill, so it's really all about his mom. Which is cool, but I am also nervous since so many things about this situation are pretty far out of my comfort zone.

Just needed to put that out there.

Take care.

And back to work!

I am back at work today. My son & his gf got here in time for a quick dinner before church Sunday (8 pm). It was really nice. Then we rode around a looked at some Christmas lights before T and I headed home.

Yesterday was really nice - the meal was nice, the gifts were nice, and I think overall a good time was had by all.

Now I'm back to work. I hope 2018 brings us all peace, health, and prosperity. :-)

p.s. My son is studying marine technology (i.e. all things about boats)! :-)

Happy Holidays

Here's an idea of helping to spark joy in your life: Reverse bucket list

And here are a few holiday movies I've been enjoying this year: A diva’s Christmas carol, The Spirit of Christmas, 12 Dates of Christmas, Get Santa, Pete's Christmas. And of course the usual classics.

T is off work today so I asked him to clean the house. He didn't sound very enthused, but I don't care. He is also going to make pate, which will make him happy. He loves to cook.

So, T's permanent teaching assistant job starts 8 January! No need to go through the agency or be on 120 days probation since he has been subbing with the school system over 120 days!! Not sure when his health benefits will kick in, but this is HUGE for us. I don't know how much I've written about it here: the school district has a contract with an agency for hiring it's exceptional children teachers and TAs. So they weren't sure how to work it all since he was already an employee, but this is the best outcome. So yay!

Hopefully we can get him off my insurance through work since it is costing a fortune and we will be able to figure out a budget and start making progress on our debt.

I'm happy to say that the year is ending on a high note for my family. Oh, did I mention my son got straight As this semester in college????? :-)

We have so many things to be thankful for this year. It has been a dark year in so many ways, I hope next year is brighter for us all.

It's coming quickly

Christmas seems to be sprinting toward us this year. I finally mailed my cards out, and we put the lights on the tree last night.  If Susie doesn't seem too interested, we'll put decorations up this weekend.

We saw "The Last Jedi" (loved it), I bought my last gift, and I finished making my son's wrench bag (I made a custom bag for his large wrenches).

All in all it was a productive weekend but I didn't overdo it. We got food prep done yesterday to set us up for success. Today is just walking & kettlebell swings. Maybe not the best workout but enough to count. I needed to work through lunch today.

It's going to be somewhat busy at work, but the team seems to be ending the year on a positive note, so that's good.

Take care.

Where did the week go?

Friday what!?!?!?

T got offered a full time job by the school system!!!!

It's nice to be loved

It's great to hear that someone loves you, it's even better (in my book) to be shown you are loved. Last night T made dinner, went to the gym, got air in my tires while I took a shower, then cleaned the kitchen. Lordie am I lucky.

Today I am going to put on big girl panties yet again and go to Wal-yuck for a couple of items. After THAT, the gym should be a piece of cake! LOL

Sunday we roasted a 15 pound turkey. I vacuum sealed some to send with my son after Christmas, but we are also using it for meals this week. Last night was turkey, tonight is turkey quesedillas, later in the week will be turkey & dumplings, and I'm tossing some in to my lima bean soup (don't judge me, I love it) for lunches. T started his month long substitute gig so I wanted something easy for us to work with to build dinners around. He is making salt & pepper tofu one night though - it is really excellent.

Assuming I survive my foray into retail he!!, I will be making my way to the gym for a session of HIIT. I am also doing some weights today in the form of 200 kettlebell swings.

Take care!

I did it

I went to the gym.

I did NOT want to go, but I put on my big girl panties and did a HIIT workout. I ate my packed lunch, and got my butt into the office.

All of these felt like nearly insurmountable obstacles for some reason today.

Sometimes I am ridiculous.

Jump in where you are (blogus interruptus)

I had typed in the title Friday when my boss came in - we decided to bail early due to the snow. We got more than expected, and because it was supposed to be above freezing, no one thought any would stick. The result was roads that hadn't been prepped, schools that were forced to dismiss early, and school systems that didn't regretting it when buses were in accidents.

It took T 2.5 hours to make a 30 minute drive - I had to go the same route plus some, so I am VERY glad that I left work at 1:30! I was home by 3 - he wasn't too sure when he would be getting home. Hwy 109 is a hilly 2 lane, and it was BAD.

Anyway, I posted that title to remind myself to just start now and not worry about where I wish I were.

Busy

This week has been hectic. I needed to work at home Monday, so I'm in the office today.  I've tried to peck away a bit at a time on the stupid long "to do" list. At lunch I went by the post office and picked up stamps and worked on the little newsletter (a short note and a couple of pictures) to go in with the holiday cards.

The dog trainer was a no show for a second week in a row, so we requested (and received) a refund for the class and will try again at a different location after the holidays.

Last night and tonight we are eating leftovers - thank goodness for leftovers! It keeps us from eating out or eating crap. Tomorrow is lasagna soup in the crock pot. It's a new recipe, so I hope it comes out well.

T has a job interview Friday - fingers crossed!

Take care.

Thanks

First, thanks Karen for reading and commenting! If you don't follow Karen's blog, she's lost weight and successfully maintained for several years now. It's worth reading a maintenance blog for many reasons - including the fact that it's nice to be reminded that long term weight loss is possible, and an honest look at the reality that it remains work. I think a lot of times people have unrealistic expectations about what happens when they lose weight.

The weekend was really good. No, we didn't get much Christmas decorating done. I did finish all 12 of the dog scarves! We deep cleaned the great room, did a bunch of laundry, went on a DATE, ran errands, and talked. And got some of the Christmas decorations up.

Like me, T is a worrier. Sometimes that's not good. But it is good when we can sit down and talk. I know he is worried about retirement, but he keeps moving forward. We are planning to sit down with a financial planner in the near future. I think knowledge helps curb fear, so sitting down with a pro and getting a plan in place will be helpful.

I really think I am going through menopause - I feel hormonal all the time. Ugh,

Take care!

Friday - better

This just seems to have been a rough week.  I've felt tired and really behind the curve as far as Christmas. The holiday is supposed to be about enjoying friends and family, but there is a lot of built in pressure.

My plan is to work on things this weekend, see what I get accomplished, and then adjust my schedule going forward as needed.

Despite the frustration with the health insurance thing, overall things are going well.  A lot of great stuff has happened this year, and the only large piece we need to fall into place is for T to find a full time job.

I just get so frustrated with myself.

Okay, have a god weekend!

Binge

A couple of days ago, Katie over at Runs for Cookies wrote this:

"During a binge, I felt okay because I just didn't care about anything in that moment. Afterward, however, I felt so much self-hatred for it. There was never a part about binge eating that actually made me HAPPY. It either numbed me or made me hate myself."

I have binged the past 2 days - for the first time in months. Cheese of course. I'm not sure why. I find this to be a troubling development that requires some serious reflection.

I'm okay, but concerned.

Take care.

Ugh

A half hour meeting ran nearly an hour over - didn't get to the gym at lunch.  T's healthcare cost is going up 480% next year. We can't speak French or I might consider fleeing to the great white North. Funny not funny. Ugh. Calgon take me away.

Thanksgiving Weekend Wrap-Up

Well hello!

I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving. We did. My son and I agreed that we had enjoyable days (and meals) but it wasn't the same as what we normally have. Having said that, I didn't spend hours cooking and cleaning! We took our pies, enjoyed our visit, and came home with no leftovers.

Saturday mom and Jan came over - they loved the dog scarves I made for them. We had a nice meal and did a bit of decorating - T was tired and ended up taking a nap!

Yesterday we deep cleaned the kitchen, to include emptying and cleaning the fridge and freezer. It was long overdue, and the kitchen looks much better. After that I worked on more dog scarves for the grandpuppies and T worked on the yard. By the time we sat down last night we were exhausted! I barely made it into the shower, and I finally gave up trying to watch my beloved Steelers - I only made it until halftime.

I got the trees & wreaths out of the barn. We aren't going to do any major decorating in the living room until we've done some deep cleaning in there. T isn't excited about the prospect, but agrees that it needs to be done. So that's on the agenda for next weekend. I guess it's weird to be doing "spring cleaning" in the winter, but it'll be nice to have it done.

I have a lot to say - about food & exercise, finances, Susie and her continued destructive habits, but I'm going to save those for later posts.

Take care.

Tday minus 1

Remarrying means melding family traditions into a way that works. We've both made some changes in how we celebrate the holidays compared to before we were together. For Thanksgiving, it has been simpler to simply let go of "my" family celebrating it in any way that looks traditional.

If I were to make the meal the way I've done in years past, I wouldn't have time to go to T's family holiday. And why? We have essentially the same meal at Christmas, my son won't be here, so why do all that work for just mom and ex-MIL?

Tomorrow morning I will get up and make the pumpkin pie (T is making apple) - that's what were bringing to the potluck. Easy, not a bunch of work, no leftovers. Then we'll watch football and I'll work on some of my sewing.

I had an adorable fabric I intended to use to make throw pillows for mom and Jan for their birthdays, but now I've misplaced the fabric so I am going to make little dog kerchiefs for them both instead. Here is one from Amazon very similar:

I am making a set for my grandpuppies as well, so pretty much dog scarves for everyone! Huzzah! Lol

Anyway, since their birthdays are both the week after Thanksgiving, they are coming over Saturday and we are celebrating that instead. And we'll decorate for Christmas. I have a strict "no Christmas until after Thanksgiving" rule, but I do love to start decorating the weekend after T-day.

I am in the office today - I came in for an afternoon meeting that was cancelled. BUT I'M NOT BITTER. Ahem.

Anyway, if I don't post tomorrow, have a lovely holiday.

Take care.

Oldies

I was reading through my blog (March of 2005) and came across this: “I am ready to just be a woman instead of the large woman. I am ready to be a triathlete instead of the fat chick doing a triathlon. I am ready to be a runner instead of the fat woman out jogging to lose weight.”

Yes.

Depression is hard

No, not mine. I'm not depressed, occasionally mildly stressed but that's about it. T has always struggled with depression, and being unemployed is difficult enough without that. Sometimes it makes him not the nicest person to be around. And sometimes I get frustrated (like today). For example, he's been talking about working in the yard for a couple of months, including today. But when I pressed him about it he got all pissy.  But he's out doing some of it, and it looks much nicer, and weather wise it's a good day to get out and get some fresh air. I know he will feel better for having made progress, but sometimes pushing him is a pain.

Thanks for the good words Karen. I think we all have times when we're "bleh" - that's okay. I'm less quick these days to try and fix or cover them up with food.

I'd like to leave you with a good article: What self care really means

Have a great weekend!

Blah

I am feeling pretty blah today. No specific reason, just general blah. Here is a picture from retrorenovation that I thought was adorable!

There is something about vintage holiday decor. I love holiday decor anyway, but vintage just feels extra homey to me.

Have a good weekend!!

Thursday

I feel like I oversnacked last night - by 300 or so calories. So not a lot but enough to stall progress. Ugh.

I'm okay, very busy day. Will squeeze in 120 kettlebell swings and call it good.

Wednesday

Happy Wednesday!

Obedience class went pretty well last night.  Susie was very nervous, but seemed to be settling down by the end. There were only 3 dogs in the class, so that is a very good thing! Even though we were both tired and weren't feeling it, I'm so glad we did this!

I went to the gym and did HIIT on the elliptical. 5 minute warm up, followed by 5 HIIT intervals (30 seconds all out, 90 seconds recovery), then 5 minutes cool down.  I had the resistance up and I went all out on those intervals, so even though it was only 20 minutes I feel like I got in a very good workout.

Food is fine:

B: 1/2 a wrap with 2 eggs, ultra think slice of cheddar, and a slice of spam.
S: yogurt
L: kim chi fried raice (1/4 c rice, mostly veggies), slaw, and roasted veggies with ranch
S: apple and boiled egg
D: leftover beef stroganoff and veggies

Not too much to say. Tired.

Take care.

Tuesday randomness

Happy Tuesday!

My friend may be getting out of the hospital today!  Long story short: there is an outbreak of hand, foot & mouth (which is a virus) in her area.  A couple of the kids picked it up, she got it, and they think it seriously kicked her butt. That plus dehydration plus the NSAIDs which triggered an ulcer. Doctors are hoping that re hydration plus food plus treating the touch of pneumonia she's picked up will do the trick.

My ex MIL has been really sick and FINALLY got in to see the doctor this morning.  She has diverticulitis. Mom went with her to the doctor because she knew J wouldn't wear her hearing aid (she didn't) and that she probably wouldn't remember/ follow what the doctor said. They sent her home with antibiotics and she is going back next week.

I am doing okay. I went to the gym today and did 120 kettlebell swings plus the Fusion Foundation class. Turns out by "fusion" they mean yoga & Pilates. Only there were no Pilates.  Oh well, I moved around!!

I know I've written about our dog Susie and her destructive ways. She gets bored when no one is home. We are doing walks every evening and car rides.  I think I am going to start getting up and walking her in the morning as well. Obedience classes start tonight.  Wish us luck!

(She looks so innocent doesn't she???)

And I thought I would share this website I found: Fifty Fierce  I haven't read too much but so far I am enjoying it.

Okay, I hope you have a great day!!

Back to the grind

Good morning.

I hope you had a good weekend.  Well, my friend is still in the hospital. I went over and did some laundry and light housework, watched the little ones, and saw a million episodes of "Sofia the First". They will don't know what is wrong - they've done a million tests and I know she is getting SO frustrated. I hope she is on the mend soon.

Mom came down with a mild case of food poisoning Saturday night - the boy was uber busy (but no side trip - a friend that lives near the auction site went for him, so that worked out). Upshot was not a single walk on the beach. That's it - I'm deprived and I'm afraid I will just have to go back :-)

Lunch & snacks are packed, headed to the gym in an hour or so.  Back to the routine.

Take care.

Happy Veteran's Day

I am having a very bleh day. Had a frustrating experience with a credit card company - got it straightened out but just frustrating. My son wants to make a quick side trip tomorrow while we are down there - not realizing it's a 4 hour one way trip not 2 hour. I am babysitting tomorrow for friends - wife is in the hospital and they have no idea what's wrong (very concerned). And my ex MIL is sick so mom and I will probably have to take her dogs with us to the beach.

Nothing major - just a lot of little hassles, you know? Groupon is having a $10 off your purchase sale today, so I paid $2 for a groupon for a tour of a local place that makes cider. It's the tour plus tasting plus 2 pint glasses to take home. Since we both like cider it seemed like a fun little something we could do close by.

I lost a half pound this week, which isn't breaking any land speed records but I continue in the right direction! 3 weeks in a row baby!!!

Have a good weekend.  If you served, thank you.

Thursday

Sorry, no catchy title today.

It's been a busy day at work and I needed to use my lunch hour to run errands.  Yesterday I worked at home and I used my non commuting time to do some food prep for my son & his girlfriend. Mom and I are headed down to Wilmington this weekend to visit.

I am starting to get ready for the holiday season. I have several ideas for gifts that are sewing projects - I am excited to work on them. I love the holidays and I love that T loves them too. My ex always hated the holidays - and his depression/glum coupled with his need to get a crap ton of gifts made it less fun for me. Now I can enjoy them with complete abandon! :-)

I'm doing okay. I good friend is really sick - she's been sick over a week and they 'think' she has a virus, but she's at the hospital for the second time in a week.  I'm going to head over and babysit for a while so her husband can run some errands Saturday morning - they live near my son. They've got 5 kids so I know it's been a mad house.

Anyway, we are doing well.  Oh - yesterday while I worked from home I made myself a standing desk and used it most of the day. I loved it! They are talking about maybe getting them for us at work, that would be cool. It was so nice to not sit all day. I moved around a lot more.

Take care.

"There are plenty of difficult obstacles in your path. Don't allow yourself to become one of them." - Ralph Marston

Good morning.

Yesterday when I got to the gym, 2 of the 3 ellipticals were in use. I decided to do a workout video instead. (I don't like working out right next to someone, weird, I know.)  I did the 20 minute basic kettlebell video - there weren't a lot of kettlbell moves in it, but it was enough a good basic workout. Add to that two 12 minute walk breaks and then we walked the dogs in the evening (maybe 10 minutes?). That adds up to about 55 minutes of intentional exercise - not too shabby!

Last night I used a leftover baked potato skin to make loaded baked potato skins - a little cheese, some bacon bits, green onions, and less than a tablespoon of light sour cream. I had those and 1 beer while watching football.  Dinner was the tamale casserole with roasted zucchini.

Breakfast today was 1/4 of a chorizo link, 1 egg, and 1/2 a whole grain wrap.  (Breakfast was 165 calories - too small, so I added 12 almonds when I got to work). Here is what I've packed for the day:

A cup of chili, a big salad, 2 apples, a boiled egg, and some dressing. I used 1 T of store bought kalamata olive dressing which I stretched by adding juice off the pepperoncinis. Not pictured are the 12 almonds (I keep a small bag in my desk and portion them out).

Dinner tonight is Korean tacos with kim chi slaw. Basically marinated beef with kim chi slaw. It's a really yummy recipe - I'm looking forward to it!

Take care.

Routine is liberating

"Routine is liberating, it makes you feel in control. A paradox, isn't it? You think your routines are controlling you, but in fact you're using the routine to give you power."

Friday exercise: 2 x 10 minute walk breaks at work, 25 minutes on the elliptical to include 6 x 15 second HIIT intervals. HIIT intervals not only serve to break up time spent on ye olde hamster wheel, but I think it also makes it a more effective workout.

My exercise goal is to work up to 90 minutes per day, 6 days per week.  Yes, that is A LOT. But think of it this way: I work up to 2 x 15 minute walk breaks at work plus a 30 minute workout at lunch. I've just gotta add 30 more minutes - walking the dog in the morning or evening. (We already started walking the dog some evenings this week). When you break it up into 4 different sessions, it isn't such a big deal. And that's what helped me last time I was successful: I worked out in the morning, walked at lunch, and worked out in the evening while my son was either at tae kwon do, or walked while he was at the reading tutor. I did several bouts of exercise per day, did a longer session one weekend day, and took a day off.  I need to replicate that.  Right now it's just a matter of deciding how much to add and what to add. I want to add kettlebells back in, maybe some weight lifting, and I really want to get in some swimming!

Here's the food I packed today:

The salad has roasted brussel sprouts and beets, plus an oil and vinegar dressing on the side. That is a Thai flavored soup with turkey meatballs and some noodles.  Not pictured are 2 bottles of tea and the almonds that will go with one of the apples for a snack. Breakfast was half a whole grain wrap with a single serving of guacamole and an egg. Dinner tonight is a meatless tamale casserole.

Change of plans

When I called T to let him know I was on the way home, he told me he'd forgotten to thaw the steaks and that they were frozen solid.  My suggestion was to thaw the spaghetti (meat) sauce we'd planned to eat tonight and save the steaks. So last night was spaghetti and tonight will be steak. Even a month ago we might have been tempted to just go out. Maybe that was the response he was hoping for - I dunno. I do know that eating at home is not only cheaper, but it's SO much easier for me to stay on track.

Other than dinner, the rest of my food is the same as yesterday except sub out leftover Asian meatball soup for the potato leek at lunch.

I've lost 3 pounds over the last 2 weeks, which feels like a pretty good rate.

I thought I'd share this image - I really like the message:

I'd also like to share an article I read on CNN. It's about a follow-up study on people who had been on the Biggest Loser, and differences between the groups that kept off weight and those that did not: Biggest Loser Study

The interesting take away from the study (to me) is that diet is more critical while losing weight, but it isn't enough to keep it off - you need to incorporate a good amount of regular exercise, which meshes with what I read on the blogs of maintainers. Even if their activity is regular movement and not planned exercise per se, they are still physically active. To that end, I am trying to stand more at work, take walk breaks, and exercise at lunch most days.

We will be out of the house most of the day Sunday for a business meeting of our re-enactment group - the meeting is 2 hours away. Ugh. We are both officers and I wasn't there last month due to the Georgia trip, so I really need to go. So Saturday is going to be slam full.

Have a wonderful weekend!

You haven't come this far just to come this far.

This is a photo of what I jokingly called the "5000 pound salad."  It has half a head of romaine, cucumbers, roasted zucchini, chickpeas, 3 bean salad, cherry tomatoes, beets, I don't remember what else! It was really good!

Food today:

B: 2 eggs and a slice of ultra thin sliced colby jack in half a whole wheat wrap.
S: A packet of Carl Budding lunch meant
L: The giant salad and the last of T's homemade potato leek soup
S: 100 cal greek yogurt
D: steak, baked potato, roasted brussel sprouts, sauteed mushrooms.

Speaking of dinner, I was rather disappointed in last night's recipe - it is getting voted off the island! Not nearly as good as our other Asian meatball recipes. Oh well, you don't know unless you try.

I noticed today that it is getting easier to walk around the building on breaks. At the gym I incorporated a few short HIIT intervals into my 25 minute workout. I am beginning to feel lighter.

Things are changing.

Just start. Then don't stop.

So this was breakfast today:

Sorry, I forgot to snap the picture before I chopped it up.  It's 2 eggs, 1/4 link of chorizo (just enough for flavor) and an individual serving cup of the Tableside brand chunky guacamole. 268 yummy calories. I also had a cup of coffee (2 T half and half plus a splash of unsweetened almond milk).

I stopped and bought 2 bags of candy on the way home last night - we had 3 sets of trick or treaters. They were adorable! We had maybe a third of the candy left - it is going to work tomorrow.

I've been blogging here for a very long time, and reading blogs even longer. When I first started reading, there weren't too many out there. I loved the sense of community they created. We read each other's posts, commented, and really shared our experiences.

Today so many blogs feel overly curated - professional grade pictures of just so outfits and food, more sponsored posts, less posts about actual feelings or life. There are blogs that are clearly written for the reader - and there are blogs that the author is using on their own journey but choose to share. I write and personally prefer the latter, but I feel like they are becoming an endangered species. That's why when I find a truly heartfelt blog or post (like yesterday), I want to share it.

This year I bought a Jarrahdale pumpkin from the farmers market for pie making. This picture doesn't do justice to it's blue green color - it's less gray in person. It will be cooked this weekend!

The post I shared yesterday really resonated with me - I get motivated relatively often, but determination has been lacking.  Right now I am focusing on cultivating that quiet determination. It's easy to get discouraged when I realize how much weight I have gained or how much fitness I have lost. Going to the gym and doing something - even if I am holding off on the classes to give my back a break - is non-negotiable. If I don't feel like it, I just acknowledge the feeling and go anyway. Putting my food into SparkPeople feels like a bit of a game. And when I plan in advance, I know my food for the day fits into my parameters.

Right now I am very fired up and my husband is not. I am trying not to nag, but to be a good example and to make it easy for him if he wants to go to the gym. I am planning and making healthy meals, Today I served homemade potato leek soup and a big salad with homemade dressing for lunch. No asking what he was in the mood for - just "I am cleaning out the fridge and here is what we are having." He enjoyed it. When we were out running errands, I steered him toward the healthy snack section with me (I had a string cheese, he got a cheese slice & salami combo snack pack) rather than the candy bars.

I don't want to nag, but I know he needs this change as much as I do. Maybe if I take him along for some of the ride, he will pick up steam on his own. And if not, well, at least it's some progress.

Tonight's dinner is this recipe: Lemongrass chicken meatballs in broth. I thought it sounded really good - I've been on a meatball kick lately, and this will be the third Asian meatball I've tried. The last 2 have been fantastic and both T and my son have loved them - as have I. Using ground chicken or turkey makes them healthier.

Take care.

Feeling good

As I was driving home yesterday, I realized I felt more positive & happier than I have in well over a year. It was great!

Yesterday was a good day. I put my food into SparkPeople, I went to the gym, I drank my water and stayed within my calorie plan. It felt good. I don't know whether my mood made that easier or taking control of my choices left me feeling more positive - but I'll take it!

Today is on track to be more of the same - food is entered into Sparkpeople, I've been to the gym, and I walked some on break with a friend just to get some fresh air.

I'd like to share a post with you: http://www.runsforcookies.com/2017/10/motivation-vs-determination.html  I think it does a great job of differentiating between motivation and determination. I'm not sure I've completely flipped that switch, but lately even if I mess up, I just keep trudging on. That feels really good.

Take care.

Quiet weekend achieved

It was a lovely weekend.  I didn't get everything done I'd hoped, but we rested! It was so nice. I am feeling so much more relaxed and positive - it's awesome.

I dropped a pound last week, slow start but heading in the right direction.

Food is logged into SparkPeople, gym bag is in the car. I am increasing my time on the elliptical to 25 minutes this week. My low back and abs are still sore, so they are resting up and I will get back into it much more slowly! It's sad to see how much fitness I've lost. Oh well, I will improve from where I am today.

Still sore

My midsection is still pretty sore from the fitness test Monday plus 400 kettlebell swings I did over the course of 2 days. I did 40 swings this morning and I was very uncomfortable. I think I will drop back a little. The object isn't to hurt myself to the point I don't exercise!

I am working at home again today. I am so thankful I have this flexibility with my current job.

I don't have a lot to say today. Very much looking forward to a quiet weekend.

Take care.

Do your clothes bring you joy?

Today I plan to use my lunch break to pull out and organize my winter clothes. Pants are pretty much pants and my shoes are where they are, just need to check for knee highs to go with shoes  - I'm still in sandals but it's time to put them away :-(

It's mainly shirts and sweaters - I haven't really used them since we moved in this house (I wasn't working last winter). So that's on my list. I think I have enough, just need to organize so they are easy to find in the morning.

Jeans are a bit problematic. I have 3 pair that theoretically fit, but one pair? I just honestly hate them. They are labeled "boyfriend cut", whatever on earth that is. I think it means your boyfriend has the legs of a elephant - the legs go straight down and are wide. I am short, so you can imagine. They look beyond awful. I am seriously thinking of just donating them - I hate them so much I cannot imagine ever leaving the house in them.

I am far from a clothes horse. I was perfectly fine in the Army when the toughest fashion choice I made in the morning was whether to wear jungle or jump (combat) boots. I view clothes in a fairly utilitarian fashion unless I am going out on a date. But even for me, one of the more frustrating things about being overweight is lack of choice in clothing. Do I wear the back shirt or the one that looks like it's covered in cat puke??? Ugh.

So I ended the day yesterday doing 9 laps around the building at work, going to the gym, and 200 kettlebell swings. I am taking today off since I pushed it pretty hard 2 days in a row.

Last night T went to a Toastmasters meeting. I texted him and asked him to call on his way home. My plan was to ask him to stop at Sheetz and pick me up an order of fried cheese curds. Thankfully the meeting ran late and by the time he called I was already in bed asleep.

Fall weather is here

Yesterday was rainy and yucky - we actually had tornadoes! But today is lovely and the air is so fresh and nice. I love it!

I did go to the gym to lunch today, even though I really truly did not want to go. I've done 3 of my 5 sets of swings, and 3 laps around the building and it's not even 12:30. Go me!

Sunday I didn't snack after dinner at all, last night I had 1 cookie. Our friend brought us Tim Tams from Australia - I generally don't even bother with packaged cookies because I think most of them are yucko, but these are good. You can buy them at Target, but those are made here in the USA with high fructose corn syrup and are a not half as good as the real deal. So once in a while I will go in and get one. So good.

Anyway, all in all I am feeling good, and positive. Much less stressed and wrung out. This weekend we are going to do some house and yard work. I'm looking forward to it. Tomorrow I work at home and I'm looking forward to that as well.

Take care.

Wellbeats

Yes, this is really happening. Ugh. I haven't even gotten my fall decorations up yet!

We went to the event for about 5 hours Saturday and had a lovely time.  Saturday night T fell out of bed and really hurt his hip. We were both out of sorts yesterday and it wasn't pretty.  Luckily we both slept better last night so hopefully this evening will be more pleasant!

I am on track to complete my 200 kettlebell swings before I leave the office.  It's raining so we only got in 4 laps around the building.  I did go to the gym.

The gym has this small-ish room like most gyms have for classes.  Instead of instructors, they have a computer kiosk with a system called Wellbeats . You click into the system and select from a menu of classes on demand.  If you go to their website, they have various programs made up from the classes. I selected their "get started" workout plan. It's 4 weeks, 4 days per week, with a guided program laying out what classes to take. Most are less than 30 minutes.

Today I did the "basic fit test" and wrote down my results. It will repeat at the end of the program. I like that I have something organized to do rather than just randomly selecting a class. I've never seen anyone using the room, so I don't think access will be an issue.

Meals are planned and I have an ambitious goal for the end of the year: 20 pounds in the 10 weeks left. Even if I don't make it, if I only get halfway there I will be proud of me!

Take care.

Less stressed, but it was a close thing

Okay, kind of a long story.

We got an email last week saying that our insurance enrollment period had been moved forward 2 months to align with our parent company. My life event doesn't give me the usual 31 days to make a change since it falls within the enrollment window. Adding my son and new husband to my work insurance would cost a lot of money. Right now they both have insurance from the exchange (ACA), but enrollment for that doesn't open until a few days after our work enrollment period closes, so I can't compare the plans and costs. (Not to mention what a mess ACA is thanks to gov't trying to sabotage it). ANYWAY. When I asked if I could have 31 days from my wedding date since it was a life event and was told "no" I got VERY upset. I sent a letter to HR just saying how much their out of the blue change with no notice was hurting my family and potentially our bottom line. The head of HR called and we talked about it. He double checked and confirmed that if we elected not to renew either through ACA that would act as a "qualifying life event" and I could add them when that insurance runs out. Thank goodness. For a while I was really sweating where on earth we were going to come up with over $600 more per month for health insurance!! And I still may have to if the ACA goes belly up, but at least for now, we will have the chance to compare and make a choice.

Anyway, it's been a very stressful week at work and at home. The dog has decided to destroy the house every time she is left alone, and T worked 3 days this week. We've gone through 2 dog doors, but we think steel screws may save the 2nd door.

We were supposed to be going to an event this weekend, but we are just going for the day Saturday. I am too exhausted to do any more than that.

I'm tired.

Today

Today I am feeling stressed and worried about money. I need to work on just accepting things that I cannot change. T is looking for a job, I can't control when he will find a job.

It's just hard.

Road trip!

Okay. Yesterday I went to the gym and did 20 minutes on the elliptical, did 200 kettlebell swings with a 15 lb bell, and walked 5 laps around the building (15 minutes). I tracked what I ate.

Today I got to work 30 minutes early so I can leave at 4:30. I walked 3 laps and knocked out a quick 40 swings so far (not too shabby for 8 AM).

Last night we planned meals through Monday and T is prepping my breakfast (turkey meatballs).

I am happy, and I feel good.

And..... we're back to baby steps

This has been a wonderful, crazy, hectic week. Mom and I are leaving for Georgia as soon as I get home from work tomorrow.

Tonight, T and I will sit down and make a meal plan and a grocery list. He will do the shopping while I am gone. I will come home to a house with groceries, clean laundry, and he will prep any food I request. (Yes, I do know how lucky I am. I lived in opposite world for many years.)

Baby step 1: Be prepared. Have a meal plan and the food to execute. Have something realistic for our schedule. T is working 3 days next week so that means crock pot, casserole type stuff, or quick and easy.

Baby step 2: Use the gym I signed up for. Bag is in the car and I am headed out soon.

Baby step 3: Keep liquid calories out of the house. Enough said.

You eat an elephant one bite at a time.

Crazy week

So, we're not having a honeymoon (obviously). We don't have the money and I don't have the time. We are looking at going to DC next month though.

Our friend from Australia is a former professional chef who loves smoking meats, making his own bacon and sausages, and food tourism. In other words, T's long lost twin! Lol

Monday I had the day off so we went up to Boone and Grandfather Mountain. Yesterday they went to Asheville. Today I am working from home so we went and had bbq in Lexington. I think they've both had a wonderful time. S is flying out tomorrow afternoon.

Mom and I are headed to Georgia this weekend to visit Alma - she is definitely slowing down and her memory gets a little flaky. It's been 3 months so we are definitely due a visit. I used to really look forward to them, but honestly not so much any more. I love her very much and it's hard to see her sad. But I know our visits are very important and I am thankful I am able to help her in some small way.

Mischief managed

We did it!  The day was beautiful. And as a surprise, a friend flew in from Australia!!! Now I am back at work and back to reality.

Yay!

Working a little longer, then headed to the beach. Pictures to follow.

Coming together

The final pieces are coming together. I found my spanx (what????), picked out which shoes to wear until I remove them at the edge of the sand, and got my nails done.  My natural nails are very thin and brittle. Add to that the facts that I have short, chubby fingers (not matter what my weight) as well as shallow, wide nail beds. Overall I don't like the way they look. I'm sure we will want pictures of our rings, and I want to feel pretty. So I went and got gel nails. I have no idea whether I will keep them, but probably not for long.

It's been a super hectic morning, trying to whip up a casserole before work so I had it ready (going to get my hair cut this evening), and getting a few things organized while on breaks (I'm working from home today).

We are going this afternoon to pick up our marriage license. In the midst of the sadness and helplessness, I am trying to focus on being grateful and happy for what I have right now.

Take care.

Intentions thwarted

I went back to Anytime Fitness today. My original intention was to go and check out the weight room. it was full of guys (well 4, but it's small), so I ended up doing 15 minutes on the elliptical (Yosemite) and 5 minutes on the bike (Loire valley).  Why did I feel uncomfortable going and using the weight room? Because I'm overweight? Female? Both?  Oh well, at least I exercised.

T is subbing today - PE at an elementary school.  I suspect he will go to bed by 8 PM.

Take care.

Happy Monday

We spent the weekend reclaiming the house and generally getting a lot of stuff done. The weather was amazing, and I woke up refreshed. Then I turned on the news. The whole planet seems to be destroying itself, or we're destroying each other.

And amidst all of that I'm putting the last minute touches on my wedding planning - a time that should be joyful. And is, but still, it's hard when there is so much bad happening to so many people.

I went to Anytime Fitness at lunch today even though I didn't want to. It's less than a mile from the office.  The equipment is very nice - the cardio machines have individual televisions. Have you ever seen those "scenic walk" videos where it looks like you are running/ biking/ hiking through nature? They have that - I did a virtual hike through Arthur's Peak National Park in New Zealand - it was lovely.

Work is still crazy. I got my jewelry picked out. Hold on to the good stuff.

Take care.

Huh

Rode over at lunch and got a brief tour and a fob good for 7 days at Anytime Fitness. Pros: close to work, small but has what I need, seems pretty quiet at work Cons: $36 a month with a required 12 month contract.  They don't do month to month. :-(  Until T has a job I just dunno.....

Goals

T has a job if he wants it at a new restaurant which sounds very exciting, but the pay is crap. Had a fantastic first round interview for another restaurant (employee owned chain) - pay is double plus benefits. But the schedule would be more challenging.  Still, the wage gap is ridiculous.  So I dunno. Anyway, he has to complete the interview process.

I have set a goal for myself of 200 kettlebell swings per day (I've done 120 so far today) and 30 minutes of cardio - I've walked 21 minutes so far.  I printed out a free 7 day pass for Anytime Fitness and I am going at lunch tomorrow to take a tour.  We'll see.

Monday we had a rotisserie chicken for dinner, last night was salmon burgers, a friend is bringing dinner tonight, and tomorrow I have a Stouffers chicken and rice casserole with steam in bag green beans. We;ll eat out Friday, then this weekend I will magically get our house, food, and wedding stuff all sorted out.

Summer is back

I spoke too soon about fall weather cause it was HOT this past weekend! It was a mighty hot weekend to be camping is all I'm saying.  So, I ran a medieval weekend long event for 300+ people and it turned out well!  So yay that's behind me.

Work blew up last week and is still a mess.  Work at home is cancelled, which is a shame because my house looks like there was a home invasion and they dropped off a bunch of dirty dishes and laundry. We haven't had time to shop so meals are ... creative.

T may have a job - he has an interview with a difference outfit tomorrow.  He might have a job nefore the wedding, which would be awesome!

Still some stuff not finished about the wedding (mostly around food). But overall I'm feeling better than I have in quite a while.

Better

Feeling better today.  Figured out a strategy of dealing with the tenant and her crazy realtor. Made progress on some items.  Carrying my lists with me everywhere both for reference and so I can add to them as I think of stuff.I could use a little more time between me and this weekend but I can get it done.

I love fall and the weather here is beginning to ease up just a bit. Even though I have stress and a lot to do, I am also feeling very positive and hopeful.

We ordered silicone wedding bands from Qalo so we would have something for when we are working in kitchens etc. and didn't want to wear our "nice" bands.  We love them!

Y'all, I am getting married! :-)

Full Up

Today I am full up of stress.  I feel like I have a million things to do for this weekend and am not remembering them all.  My ex tenant's ex realtor is trying to bully me into releasing the house deposit, but I know if I do I will never see a dime of the nearly $4K she owes me in back rent. My work computer is being a PITA.

Once again, I find myself feeling stressed out and overwhelmed. I seriously need a break. 

Accomplished

I hope you had a nice weekend!  Mine was as planned.  Mom came and we got the linen closet done (YES!) and I helped her fill out some pre surgical stuff on the doctor's website.  She is having cataract surgery in a few weeks.

Very busy week this week - I have 3 dr appointments (eye, skin, and dentist) - all routine maintenance, but glad to get those knocked out of the way. And then Friday we are headed down to the site to get ready for the event.  Y'all, in the days leading up to this stuff I always wonder why I volunteer to do this crazy stuff!  But my reward is some down time .. In November! :-O

There is an Anytime Fitness here in the town where I work.  I hate to pay for a second gym membership, but the weird thing is I really LIKE going to the gym.  I think my plan is to take advantage of the good weather and walk outside as much as possible, and then hopefully by the time the weather is lousy T will have a job and I can justify $35 a month for a second gym.

Ok, have a great day!

Happy Friday

Things are going to be slowing down a bit soon and I am looking forward to it. I am running a large, weekend long event next weekend (250 or so people), and then just 2 weekends later is our wedding! And then some peace and quiet! :-)

I am lucky to have found a walking buddy at work, so we generally walk on our lunch hour. Today is gorgeous so I am really looking forward to getting out there.

T has a month long assignment with the school system - it's actually NOT subbing, he's going to be helping them replace their laptops. But hey, work is work, and he's a super techie guy, so it's up his alley. He continues to be mildly depressed about being out of work. We are dealing with it, but it isn't always easy.

He is headed to an event up in Virginia this evening, coming back late tomorrow.  I enjoy being home alone from time to time, he is more of a people person that me. Mom is coming over and we are going to organize my linen closet, have lunch, hang out, etc. Having moral support for decluttering projects is very helpful. Lol. So, some alone time, some working around the house time, some time with him on the sofa watching football. Sounds like a good weekend to me.

Take care!

Still not adjusting

I love, love, love my job. I prefer working in the office.  The commute doesn't bother me.  But the chunk of time it takes out of my day continues to be an obstacle between me & the gym.  Today I am working from home (which I do one day per week).  Getting up & going to the gym, taking a shower, and making a good breakfast (protein shake) all before 8 AM was no problem. Waking up at 5 AM to go? Heading out at 7:15 after I've gotten home & eaten dinner? Neither of those things seem to be happening consistently.

If I go just 3 days per week, I can walk, do videos, do kettlebells the other days.  I am not making exercise a priority, and it shows. Not just in my weight (which is barely budging), but in my energy level. I am so tired of feeling tired!  I have have HAVE to make this a priority!

On the plus side, I keep trying different ways to make it work, I haven't given up making this thing work.

Summer will return tomorrow

Our weather has been really up and down - the last couple of days have been damp and cold, tomorrow will be sunny and 80.

We are better, although still have some sniffles. This weekend we did some stuff around the house, but mostly just relaxed. I can't tell you how glad I am to have the house in Florida sold!

Fall, maybe

We went to the beach for the Labor Day weekend.  Along with the rest of the state.  Besides wanting to go to the beach (always), we wanted to pin down where we would have the wedding and I wanted to do some food prep for the boy. Their schedule has been nuts, so I came down, did some shopping, did some food prep, and we left them with a clean kitchen and clean laundry.  Yes, he is certainly old enough to do it himself, but sometimes lending a hand is more about moral support, and sometimes your kid needs some protein bars and a couple of home cooked meals in the freezer.

I came down with a summer cold yesterday morning, then T came down with it 24 hours later. I'm working at home, he's laying in bed playing on his phone.  It's been cold & rainy. Yesterday he went out and did enough grocery shopping to get us to the weekend. We got home much later than expected Sunday (thanks holiday traffic) and there was literally pretty much no food and nothing but water in the house to drink.

We have not gone to the gym or done any exercise, right now we're just resting up, drinking plenty of fluids, etc.

T has been in a real funk, which I understand, but it's been hard for me as well.

Take care.

Friday!

kettle-bell swings: 10 2-hand, 10 each side, 10 alternating
clean & press 10 ea side
bent over rows 10 ea side
squats 10

Have a good weekend!

All the right moves

Things I  did yesterday:

• Tracked my food on my fitness pal
• Went to the gym
• Washed my face and brushed my teeth - AM and PM (I'm a compulsive tooth brusher but sometimes I do a quickie job with the evening face washing!)

Go me!

I got home late and naturally didn't want to go to the gym, but we'd agreed we were going to have to suck it up, buttercup.  On the way home from PA, T gave me a big talk about how I might get mad at him, but that he was going to remind me how my lack of fitness impacted our trip as he dragged me daily to the gym. The tables were seriously turned yesterday! LOL  But we went and did 15 minutes on the elliptical.

Today I packed my food

Yogurt and lunch meat are snacks, salad and leftover Mexican casserole with brusselsprouts is lunch.

I bought myself a 15 pound kettle bell and it is sitting under my desk. So far today I've done 40 swings and 20 clean and presses.

I am convinced my little choices are going to pay big dividends if I am consistent.

Take care!

Back at it

We are going to the gym this evening.  I am counting calories in my fitness pal.

TGIF

Down 1.8 pounds this week.  We are getting married 8 weeks from tomorrow.  Gah!

Me & my fitness pal

T convinced me to join Myfitnesspal.  They have an app, it makes tracking your food easy, etc.  And I'm sure it does, but I am used to sparkpeople.  I know how to use some of it, but haven't figured out entering my recipes or how to scan food with my phone.  Yes, I've begun tracking my food again. I'm aiming for around 1500 calories a day, but the main thing is to stay accountable ALL DAY. What I don't enter I track on paper.

I'm glad we decided to be responsible and come on home - T got a call yesterday at 5 for an interview today! Woot! I get that for schools, lateral entry candidates are the least desirable simply due to the amount of paperwork - not to mention they are essentially an unproven asset in the classroom, but still... school is right around the corner! :-O  This job search has really gone down to the wire, which is surprising considering how this state is in a teacher shortage.  Worst case scenario, he is approved to substitute teach next year, but obviously a full time gig is a lot more desirable.

So many good things are coming together in my life right now.

Take care!

At home today

I am working at home today and it has been so nice.  I had a couple of things I needed to take care of in the nearby bigger town, and I was able to get that done at lunch. I was able to wash a load of work clothes and make a deposit at the bank.

And that is the down side of working 60 miles from home.  I love my job and I love going into the office, but it's nice to have 1 day to do the little things at lunch.  It lets me focus on the bigger things on the weekend.

Here is a picture of my ring set. Notice Jordan photobombing!  Classic. :-)

Home, again

Well, what used to be my 2 week annual camping trip in PA was 4 days this year (including travel days).  Boo.  But at least I got to go for a bit and see some friends.  We are feeling refreshed and re energized, and spent a good bit of the drive home discussing goals for this year.

1. Now that we've been in the house just over a year, we are fully unpacked, all the rooms are painted, and (except for the bedroom which will happen this weekend), all rooms have curtains up and furnishings and art are set.  I'd still like to purchase some area rugs, but the house is essentially "done."  Next step is to inventory, organize, and declutter.

2. T wants to run the half marathon they have at our event next year. So our goals are to complete a coach to 5K program, then do 5k, 10k, and then finally a half marathon.  I am going to try & do it with him.

3. Continue to work on paying off debt as quickly as possible.

We went into more specifics, but that's the broad outline.  It feels so good to be with someone who is on the same page.  I am a seriously lucky woman.

Take care!

FINALLY

The house in Florida sold!!!!

About last night

There was the healthcare vote (which upset me pretty badly), then my son called asking about his insurance b/c he'd hit himself in the lip with a grinder (stitches), then I got a flat tire a half mile from work. After roadside assistance came, T was nearly to my office - he didn't want me driving that far on the doughnut alone. We agreed to meet at Cracker Barrel for supper. Lady there complimented my earrings - my hand reached up to touch them and I realized one was gone. Then had a lousy meal - order was wrong, the parts that were right the cook put the wrong stuff on the plate, and the hashbrown casserole was only half cooked.

I really wanted nachos & a beer, but I didn't have anything. Go me!

Life in the microwaved sponge

The heat is thankfully leveling off - it's been miserable.

Day 1 of no caloric beverages was successful.  I also managed 30 minutes of exercise.  No snacking last night - I had a god awful stomach ache for some reason - I took some medicine and when I went to bed I still felt crappy, but knew I'd feel better in the morning (which I did).

Tim made an excellent dinner - shrimp louie salad - I highly recommend it. It was lovely to have a cold supper on such a hot day.

Take care.

Challenge this week

Yesterday I decided that I would try to change one thing.  Just one. I thought about my habits - which habit bothered me the most, which habit did I think would be the most impactful? My goal for this week is to not consume any beverages with calories - no beer (real or non alcohol), no wine, no lemonade.  I have a thing of flavored sparkling water for the evenings (no caffeine).

Why this habit?  1) Calories consumed in drinks are probably not as good of a nutritional value. 2) Alcohol and caffeine in the evenings can interfere with my sleep patterns, and I've been having a particularly nasty run of insomnia of late.

It's hot here - like 100.  And this isn't Arizona - our heat is accompanied by humidity.  It's been miserable and my energy level has been non existent. I need to do something to help offset that, and better quality sleep is a good place to start.  

Another week of the dropped blogging ball

It's been a week already?  Whaaaaat??????

T continues to look for teaching jobs.  House deal seems like it will close.  I am still loving my new job.  Life stress seems to be leveling off! Yay!

Busy planning a medieval event for my group in September and a (small) wedding in October. I still have stuff to do to get ready for our (abbreviated) camping trip in PA early next month.  I am struggling to fit exercise in, and we eat out too much.

In short, life isn't perfect, but I'm feeling like my life stress is dropping back down to manageable levels.

Have a good weekend!

TGIF

Jordan says "Happy Friday!"  She went to the doggie spa and they put a bow on her.  I can't tell is she hates it, digs it, or could care less.

Insane weekend

The weekend started when I was less than 5 miles from home Friday night, planning to grab a quick bite and head out. There was an accident right in front of me and I was the only witness to stop. It was clearly the fault of one driver (we had the green light and she made a left turn into oncoming traffic), but I wanted to be sure that 1) they were okay and 2) it wasn't case of the word of 1 driver v the other with no witnesses.  They were okay, but the lady who was hit was pretty shaken (both her airbags deployed) and yes, the other woman tried to say it wasn't her fault.  I ended up waiting 45 minutes for the highway patrol so it was after midnight before we got to our hotel for the night.

The weekend was good but sad.  Alma is slowing down a lot and her memory isn't nearly as good.  This was the first time that she didn't go out to eat with us or stay in the hotel. She did ride down to Pine Mountain and we visited a couple of times.  My son and his gf came down - he hadn't seen Alma in 2 or 3 years. It was a long trip for them, but they turned it into an adventure and saw some stuff nearby, so I was glad. Alma will be 98 in August.  I think she's not happy and ready to go, which is sad but understandable.

We got home Sunday and I cut the very end off my right thumb in the vegetable mandolin, so I spent 4.5 hours at the emergency room.  Ugh. Overall, not the best weekend.

No word on the Florida house, but it's a cash deal so no news is good news?  We got a full price offer, but were already under contract.  And who knows what would have happened.

T got a call from a friend of his parents - he is opening a new restaurant in our area (landlord is kicking him out of the shopping center where he is) and is looking for a kitchen manager.  Since T hasn't gotten much back from the school system, I think he is going to pursue it.  So we'll see what comes of that.

I'm fat.  We went to the gym yesterday.  My boss offered me a cookie this morning and I took it without thinking.  I can't seem to get things together. I feel like a lot is still up in the air, but that's no excuse.

  

Headed south

T is home and resting up after a long drive (twice) and a bunch of yard work.  Mom and I are headed to Georgia as soon as I get home from work to visit my great aunt.  She's 97!

I hope you have a terrific weekend!

Moving on (we hope)

T is on the way home.  The work he did should be enough to satisfy code enforcement. He is exhausted and ready to be home, but feels like he accomplished a lot.

The house is under contract with the flipper for $43K less.  We need to move on.  Fingers crossed that things work out this time.

Happy 4th!

Happy holiday!

T drove to Florida Sunday to deal with the code violations (yard not mowed, pool scuzzy).  It looked terrible.  I'm so thankful he went and I only wish I had agreed and he'd gone a month ago.  In any case, he is getting things squared away.  When my son's friend went over Thursday, there was a code violation letter on the door, so we knew it was urgent that we get that resolved.

It appears that the flipper deal is going through.  We are scheduled to close August 2nd, but will close earlier if we can.  Even though I'm not getting as much money as I would like, I'm thankful we are moving forward.  This allows us to really figure out a budget and prioritize debt repayment, savings, and things we want/need to buy for this house.

T is planning to head home tomorrow.  He's such a great guy.  This is a huge load off my mind.

Enjoy your day!

Is this a home improvement blog?

So we hired a contractor to remove the wallpaper and paint, as well as repair the water damage and paint the ceiling in our bedroom. The impetus for this whole thing was the water damage that insurance was paying for, so we decided to pull the trigger and get the walls done as well.  They only painted where they primed on the ceiling (kinda). I complained so the owner sent a couple of guys out to "fix" it. They half assed it again, and there are paint drips/smears all over my hardwood floors, they didn't cut in, and you can see where they missed spots.

Please note that even though we've asked multiple times, the owner hasn't actually come out to inspect the work his guys did. He offered to send them back out, assured me that the paint will come off the floors (great, you gonna come do that???), and told me how he's losing money on this job.

I guess we will spend our holiday weekend trying to fix this crap so we can move back into our bedroom. I just don't really want the crew back given the mess they've already made on the floor, you know?

Yesterday everything was "poo poo".  It kind of became a joke, but really, I felt like I walked around all day with a cloud over my head.  I don't like feeling that way - I have a lot to be grateful for.  But some days the stress of so many things (house not selling, T's unemployment on the heels of my own), everyday frustrations, etc. just leave me feeling overwhelmed.

I just remind myself it's okay to have those days but to remember that isn't every day.

4th time's a charm?

The house is under contract with the flipper.  He is going to try & schedule the inspection for Friday.  I could use any good thoughts, prayers, whatever.  I need this house SOLD, even if I am letting this guys steal it - I need this over.

The joys of being a grown-up (not)

After discussion, T and I decided to cancel our annual camping trip up to PA.  I am so very bummed, but taking a vacation when we are facing taking a big hit whenever we do manage to sell the house isn't a responsible move.  It's not the trip itself, but we were looking at renting a larger car since ours are both small, plus having to kennel the new dog (Susie) because she is too anxious to spend over a week at my mom's, plus I was taking the time off unpaid - which all added up to a mighty expensive camping trip!

Yesterday I met friends for breakfast, did my grocery shopping, and did the food prep for the week.  Breakfasts are a wrap with my faux gyro flavored ground meat (I had beef in the freezer, so I used that), lunches are bean and guacamole tostadas, snacks are varied: nuts, cheese, yogurt, lunch meat, protein shake, prunes - 200 or so calories of what sounds good that day.

I've quit buying soda at home - I still have one in a restaurant occasionally, but I've cut way back.  So that's good!  At work I drink flavored or sparkling water or unsweetened tea.

T has a job interview starting right this minute - fingers crossed for him!

So yes, we finally set a wedding date! And I didn't realize I didn't post about it, so no wonder you are confused!!!

We were thinking about the end of this year sometime but wanted to see if my son could do it after he got his captain's license.  But he wouldn't be able to in NC, we knew we didn't want a big wedding, we didn't want to elope to Vegas, and we didn't want "just" a JoP downtown.  We were mulling it over in the car on our way to Asheville the weekend before and I popped up and said "If F can't marry us, I'd just like to get married on the beach."  Well, a friend of my son has a friend that is an officiant at the beach! I wanted Columbus Day weekend since it's a long weekend for me and I have virtually no vacation this year since I just started this job.  But T's son was supposed to get married on October 13.  Well, darn if 4 hours later he didn't send a message that they had decided to postpone their wedding a year.

So, we are getting married on the beach on Saturday October 7th!  We are looking at late morning and then going back to my son & gf's house 4 blocks away and having a shrimp boil & seafood & apps for lunch.  And sparkling punch! :-)  It's going to be very small: his parents, sister and BiL, son & fiancee, plus my mom & Jan (ex MIL) and F (my son) and his gf.

So even though there is LOTS of financial stress, life is good. :-)

Stress

There is an inverse relationship between my actual stress level and the stress/complexity level I want in my entertainment. Which should explain why I'm watching LEGO Batman and reading my great grandmother's WW2 romance novels. Don't judge me.

Moving On

The contract on the Florida house fell through.

Friday

Made the tofu stir fry with thai peanut sauce last night - it was amazing.

I bought this dress on sale from Catherine's yesterday:

What do you think of that as a potential dress to wear to an October beach wedding?

The dog ate my peanut sauce

T had planned to make a tofu stir fry with thai peanut sauce for dinner.  The tofu was baked, brown rice made, sauce made, veggies ready to go. We wandered out of the kitchen, being not quite ready to eat.  Imagine our surprise to discover that the dog had reached up on the counter, grabbed the (thankfully non breakable) bowl of thai peanut sauce, and eaten it!  The sauce was mostly peanut butter and soy sauce.  She drank a lot of water last night, but thankfully seems none the worse for the wear!  We went to the diner for dinner.

Random

I think there is one thing many people who are either overweight or have been in an emotionally abusive relationship have in common: they no longer trust their instincts.  It makes sense to me.  Maybe your inner voice has led you down a path of being overweight, out of shape, and/or experiencing health issues as a result of your food choices. Maybe someone in your life (friend, boss, SO) has repeatedly told you that your feelings and responses are inappropriate or wrong. Either way the message is that your instincts are misleading you.

Once the message that you can't trust yourself has been accepted, it's tough to change. I know I took my last job for 2 reasons: 1) I saw it as a new and different opportunity (ignoring the warning signs) and 2) despite telling others and myself that I was okay with the time off, I wasn't.  After nearly 18 years of being the primary (sometimes sole) provider for my family, being out of work made me very uncomfortable.  As a result, I took on a misdefined role for which I was poorly suited. When your boss says "I think we set you up for failure", even they probably have realized their plan was poorly conceived. My response was "yes, you did."

I'm now in a role where I believe I can be successful, but a lot of the time I still feel skittish wondering whether I am doing things the right way.  Am I doing enough? I'm hoping I will feel more confident as time passes (I seem to be so far). I do like this job.

All or nothing

All or nothing is a trap, a fallacy, one a lot of people fall into.  T is the perfect example of someone who lives in that trap.  He lost a lot of weight doing Medifast - which he followed perfectly.  But count calories or practice moderation?  Not so much.  That makes it easy for me to give in.  I need to remember that I am an adult, I am responsible for my own choices.

I looked at Medifast, but it's hard for me to justify spending $600/month for the 2 of us to eat dust packets. I can do a lot better a lot cheaper, but I admit sticking to your own plan is a lot harder for me than just being handed a regime to blindly follow.

Right now there are some great things happening in my life: our relationship is good and we have (tentatively) set a wedding date.  It looks like the Florida house might actually close sometime next week. I am really enjoying my new job.  The last one did such a number on my mind, it has been difficult to let my guard down.  But I do believe that this one may work out really well.

I find that I see myself a certain way, I have a certain "lifestyle" I visualize and say I want to live that way, and then I don't.  I feel like the values I say (at least to myself) I have and the way I live my life don't always align. I find this especially true when it comes to health and fitness, but it's true in other areas as well.  Why the disconnect? What's the truth?  This is something I need to get to the root of.

Friday

House: no news.  Buyer's realtor assures us we're in the final stage and should have a closing day any time.  I countered the offer from the flipper.  Haven't heard back on that.

Saw "Wonder Woman" last night.  I really enjoyed it.  Then I went home and had a slice of cheese and 2 beers, because I apparently am not wonder woman.  But I was hungry. And tired. It was a tough day.  Neighbor flipped out on T because he was mowing the grass at 8:45 AM.  Freaked us both out.  Up till this point, he's been a quiet neighbor.  I took the dogs with us and dropped them at mom's while we were at the movie because I didn't want them home in the event he decided to retaliate.  Maybe I was just being paranoid - I hope so.  But it gave me peace of mind.

We have a very busy weekend planned.  I am the treasurer for our local medieval education group and I need some help with our Q1 report.  The gal is is supposed to help has been working 6-7 days/week, so we are driving up to Asheville to meet her after dinner Saturday. Since Wednesday was T's birthday, we are using it as an excuse to have a nice meal up there.  Since it will be late, I scored a good deal on a cute hotel on a website and that will be his birthday gift - a short getaway to the mountains.

T has not been very motivated to make dinner lately, so I've been looking for recipes that I can prep ahead - either stuff for the crock pot or cookie sheet dinners so he isn't responsible every night, because that hasn't been working out.  Do you have an easy dinner that you love?  Let me know!

Have a great weekend!

Groundhog Day

Oh, just go read my last post - nothing has changed.  Le sigh.

Today is T's birthday.  We celebrated with his folks yesterday and I brought th ecake into the office today.  It won't be making the return trip after work! LOL

The Lady or the Tiger?

Do you remember that short story from school?  Well, that's how my life feels right now.

I finally heard from my realtor.  SUPPOSEDLY (according to the buyer's agent that I don't really trust), the lender is supposed to approve the loan today and we should be able to set a closing date. This house has been under contract since 24 February, originally scheduled to close 14 April. So how confident am I? One a scale of 1 to 10 maybe a 2.

OTOH, I have had an offer (subject to inspection) from a flipper my realtor knows.  It would be cash and he would do the inspection quickly, but the offer is for significantly less that the offer I currently have.

I'd love for this deal to close - the house is worth what it's under contract for, but it has now been under contract for 15 months and I need it gone, so taking the lesser offer just to get it gone v. holding out for a better offer  if this one falls through is looking pretty good.

It would be a financial hit - I was counting on the sale of the house to make up for my long stretch of unemployment, but emotionally and financially I just need to move on. I can't continue to pay mortgage and utilities for 2 houses.

Ugh - being a grown up can be highly overrated at times!!!

Tough Choices

Carrying 2 mortgages for 15 months (10 of them unemployed) has left my finances a mess.  And there's the little matter of T loaning me the money for the down payment on this house, thinking he'd get it back in a couple of weeks.

Fast forward 14 months: he needs that money, the house hasn't sold, the last deal seems to have fallen through (my realtor is in Europe and I haven't heard from her in days), and I continue to hemorrhage money.

Do I take money out of my 401(k) to at least pay T back what I owe him?  I know they say you shouldn't do that, but the penalty is less than what I will pay in interest on credit cards once the intro balance transfer rate goes away.......

Some days being a grown up is highly overrated.

Locked out

Yes, I locked myself out of my google account! :-O

In spite of life's challenges, things are going pretty well: exercise is happening 5-6 times per week, food is being watched, weight is coming off (slowly).

Given the continued life stress, I am grateful things are working.  I try to keep it in perspective and be thankful for the things I have.

I'm here, just once I get home from work, eat, exercise, spend time with T, there's not a lot of time & energy left for blogging.  I'm doing the things instead of posting about the things. :-)

Still checking in on others from time to time, but that's fallen by the wayside as well - for now.

Take care.

Doing okay

I wrote a long post at lunch yesterday - on paper, because I don't feel comfortable posting at work.

Yesterday I walked for 40 minutes and did 3 sets each of wall push ups and squats.

Since we have no vending machines, it's pretty easy to stick with what I pack, although I do have a stash or raw, unsalted almonds in my case in case I get really hungry.

I'm beginning to settle into a routine and I am starting to have a bit more energy in the evenings, although the weekend is still my time to catch up on everything.

Take care.

Checking in

Work is taking up a lot of my brain and energy.  But I am enjoying it, and I believe this is a job where I can be successful.

I packed my food and walked for 55 minutes today.  My next step is to make some flash cards with exercises I can do in my office and pick 3 or so to do every day.

So I am building back up.

Crazy

Home from being out of town.  Work is good but very busy and long days and when I get home my brain is marshmallow fluff.  I am at least walking and watching what I eat.

Life is pretty good - no idea when Florida house will close.  Disgusted beyond belief.

Touching base, in bullet points

1.  Our team is in the company's old, outgrown building.  It is just us. No vending machines - just a break room with a small fridge and a sink.  I have to pack in everything I consume for the day.  This is good.

2. I did a workout video 3 mornings (not much, but something) and walked at lunch 4 days.  Go me!

3.  I am liking my new job - I think it is a much better fit than my last one. 

Survived Day 1

Got up, did a workout video, packed my lunch, went to work.  I think I'm going to like it.

Go me!

Busy week

We had a great trip to the beach but it's been super busy since we got back because I start my new job Monday!!!!!!!

The bad news is that the house didn't close on the 14th, nor on the 28th which was the date in the extension. Lender has asked for an additional 2.5 weeks.  I don't know what I'm going to do.  I'm afraid it will drag on/won't close and I will have missed prime showing season.  These delays cost me $$.  OTOH, I am sick of this SH%&^ and ready to be done. 

BUT... did I mention I got a new job???? ;-)

A surge of energy!

I was feeling crappy yesterday (more on that in a bit) and didn't accomplish anything.  I was feeling pretty overwhelmed this morning but T gave me a hand with a couple of things and before I knew it I had gotten nearly everything on today's 'to do' list done!

I have an interview at 4 (wish me luck).

Yesterday I went to the dr to get an IUD.  That is apparently the new thing in birth control. As a woman over 50 they don't want you on bc pills, this seemed the best option.  I was pretty crampy and felt really rough yesterday.  I was beginning to think I had planned this pretty badly since I have an interview today and tomorrow is my birthday, but I am feeling much better today!  Today is like the worst day of my period, which for me means an OTC naproxen and maybe an ibuprofen - so not too bad.  Dr. said this should carry me through menopause. Woo hoo!  We've had our kids!

Still haven't gotten the rent from former tenant.  Signed an extension to close on the house the 28th (wish me luck on that too!). We will see about this interview - it's a second round interview so we will see what happens!

Tomorrow t and I are getting together with mom and Jan for my birthday dinner and then friday we are headed to the beach to spend the weekend with the boy and his gf.  So it should be a really nice time.

We got really derailed last week, but are back on track with the diet this week, and will add exercise back in the mix as well.

Take care.