Sneaky, sneaky
So, after yesterday's exciting cliff hanger post, you may be wondering "How are you going to deal with this fear of failure?" (If anyone is reading this, that is.) I've tried facing these childhood issues in the past - which sounds like a good idea on the surface. The issue is, when something has been planted in your head since toddlerhood, it can be difficult to get it out. So while "face it head on" may sound like the noble and manly (pardon the phrase) thing to do, it hasn't been very effective.
So, I'm going the avoidance route. Don't set big goals. Ignore them. Set goals for today. Just today. Today I will eat healthy. Today I will go to the gym. Don't look beyond the end of my nose. I set plenty of big golas in 2007 and gained 21.5 pounds, so clearly that's not working for me.
btw, I gained 9.5 pounds in 2006. I thought it was such a bad year? Ha! I'd love to have only gained that this year. Oh well, water under the bridge.
Have a good weekend.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
In Search of... A Magic Bullet (Kind of)
I have a cold - gah. I went to bed last night at 8 with a cup of hot tea and a handful of cough drops. Being sick, I haven't been to the gym in a couple of days. Every time I start to get into a routine, I get derailed by something.
Anyway, I have settled on a schedule of the following: 3 days/week: 30 minute cardio session - intervals. 3 days/week: cardio warm-up, total body workout, cardio cooldown, 1 long walk/run. I need to figure out what that total body workout looks like. I know that I have turbulence training and access to CrossFit, so I should be able to come up with something that will get the job done in a short period of time. Push ups, squats, walking lunges, assisted pull ups, mountain climbers. It's not hard to find something to do. I've just gotten really bored with "traditional" weight training programs, which is why (I think) I've struggled with doing it.
I never finished my cooking for the week, and being sick I just have no energy. Last night the hub had to work late, and I took him dinner. I got home and simply heated up an organic tv dinner and called it good. Tonight I have some spagetti sauce in the freezer and the makings of an excellent salad. After that ...??? I'm just glad it's nearly the weekend, so I can get caught up on my house work, on my cooking, and maybe even catch a rest. My poor husband has to work both days of course. I'm just glad his boss agreed to give him January 12th and 13th so he can get a rest. Hopefully this crazy schedule will ease up by the end of January.
I am ending this year significantly heavier than I started it. Unfortunately, the same thing can be said for 2006 as well, so that's not good.
I know I've written before (at least a bit) about my rather disfunctional relationship with my dad. He was verbally and emotionally abusive. As a child, his way to motivate me was to make me fear failure. Maybe that works for some people. It doesn't work for me.
I have found that as I have gotten older, the stakes have gotten increasingly higher. I had a child, then bought a house, then got (re)married. I now have a family, a mortgage, and I am the primary bread winner. When I was young, if I failed at something, I just picked myself up and moved on. Now I have a family counting on me. Failure isn't an option.
The problem is you don't achieve great success without takings risks. That horrid fear instilled in childhood has become paralyzing fear in my adult life. I am so afraid to fail that I am afraid to try. I got so close to my goal weight that I was afraid. Then I started a new (more stressful) job, and I fear failure. So its easier to not try. To use food as a crutch. I need to relieve the pressure but I don't know how.
I don't have answers. I do know I have to find a better way to face my fears.
I have a cold - gah. I went to bed last night at 8 with a cup of hot tea and a handful of cough drops. Being sick, I haven't been to the gym in a couple of days. Every time I start to get into a routine, I get derailed by something.
Anyway, I have settled on a schedule of the following: 3 days/week: 30 minute cardio session - intervals. 3 days/week: cardio warm-up, total body workout, cardio cooldown, 1 long walk/run. I need to figure out what that total body workout looks like. I know that I have turbulence training and access to CrossFit, so I should be able to come up with something that will get the job done in a short period of time. Push ups, squats, walking lunges, assisted pull ups, mountain climbers. It's not hard to find something to do. I've just gotten really bored with "traditional" weight training programs, which is why (I think) I've struggled with doing it.
I never finished my cooking for the week, and being sick I just have no energy. Last night the hub had to work late, and I took him dinner. I got home and simply heated up an organic tv dinner and called it good. Tonight I have some spagetti sauce in the freezer and the makings of an excellent salad. After that ...??? I'm just glad it's nearly the weekend, so I can get caught up on my house work, on my cooking, and maybe even catch a rest. My poor husband has to work both days of course. I'm just glad his boss agreed to give him January 12th and 13th so he can get a rest. Hopefully this crazy schedule will ease up by the end of January.
I am ending this year significantly heavier than I started it. Unfortunately, the same thing can be said for 2006 as well, so that's not good.
I know I've written before (at least a bit) about my rather disfunctional relationship with my dad. He was verbally and emotionally abusive. As a child, his way to motivate me was to make me fear failure. Maybe that works for some people. It doesn't work for me.
I have found that as I have gotten older, the stakes have gotten increasingly higher. I had a child, then bought a house, then got (re)married. I now have a family, a mortgage, and I am the primary bread winner. When I was young, if I failed at something, I just picked myself up and moved on. Now I have a family counting on me. Failure isn't an option.
The problem is you don't achieve great success without takings risks. That horrid fear instilled in childhood has become paralyzing fear in my adult life. I am so afraid to fail that I am afraid to try. I got so close to my goal weight that I was afraid. Then I started a new (more stressful) job, and I fear failure. So its easier to not try. To use food as a crutch. I need to relieve the pressure but I don't know how.
I don't have answers. I do know I have to find a better way to face my fears.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Eight is Enough
Imagine Christmas day at my house: our 4 dogs, my mom's 3 dogs, my MIL's dog. Luckily, 6 of those were little dogs, but still! I found out this Christmas that I am actually allergic to dogs. Our dogs have short hair and we have a very good Dyson vacuum just for houses with pets. Apparently, 8 dogs was simply too much for my system. Ugh! But we had a fun day. :-)
I had a pretty powerful epiphany the other night. it wasn't so much a new idea, but something that's been in the back of my brain, re-jiggered and brought to the forefront. I will have to write about it, but I'm not exactly sure yet how to get the thought out in a coherant manner.
Imagine Christmas day at my house: our 4 dogs, my mom's 3 dogs, my MIL's dog. Luckily, 6 of those were little dogs, but still! I found out this Christmas that I am actually allergic to dogs. Our dogs have short hair and we have a very good Dyson vacuum just for houses with pets. Apparently, 8 dogs was simply too much for my system. Ugh! But we had a fun day. :-)
I had a pretty powerful epiphany the other night. it wasn't so much a new idea, but something that's been in the back of my brain, re-jiggered and brought to the forefront. I will have to write about it, but I'm not exactly sure yet how to get the thought out in a coherant manner.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Dear Santa
If I could only have 1 item (I'm not talking "good health" or "love"), I mean item, I would please like a TARDIS. No one would get use out of it than me, I swear. I'd even save the world and stuff, in addition to keeping my house tidy, my family fed with organic healthful meals, and fulfilling my SCA duties. I really would! (But I'd do a better job if I could have a cute side kick. Just saying.)
If I can also get one of those more nebulous "wish" type gifts, then please don't let me be poisoned from licking the envelopes that came with my holiday cards. I know they were from China, but I didn't have a moist sponge. Could you maybe help me out with that one? Thanks!
That is all.
If I could only have 1 item (I'm not talking "good health" or "love"), I mean item, I would please like a TARDIS. No one would get use out of it than me, I swear. I'd even save the world and stuff, in addition to keeping my house tidy, my family fed with organic healthful meals, and fulfilling my SCA duties. I really would! (But I'd do a better job if I could have a cute side kick. Just saying.)
If I can also get one of those more nebulous "wish" type gifts, then please don't let me be poisoned from licking the envelopes that came with my holiday cards. I know they were from China, but I didn't have a moist sponge. Could you maybe help me out with that one? Thanks!
That is all.
Monday, December 17, 2007
And now, for the rest of the story....
So, Friday at the shelter: I drove out there ("Don't make me have to come over there"). My mom met me there - I think just in case I forgot to try & catch the flies with honey instead of vinegar. :-) Saw the manager, who was very apologetic. She brought out a dog that had just been surrendered as a sort of "consolation dog." Her papers say chihuahua mix - that's the biggest chihuahua I've ever seen! She's not taller than Bess, just bigger boned. Anyway... we agreed to adopt her. An alert was put out to all area vets about Little Miss Sunshine. If they check her chip, she will show up as a "hot" dog. (Get it? Hot dog? Ha! I kill myself...) If she turns up, we get first dibs on her. I guess that's the best I could hope for. The lady said this is only the second time in her 6 years that a dog has been stolen. Go figure.....
I got home Saturday and a few minutes later hub got home from work. He'd gone by my mom's house and picked up the boy and Jordan (we now call her Geordi). She has short white hair and looks like a mix of chihuahua and jack russell terrier. She's a sweetheart, and we all love her already. I just hope that whoever stole Sunshine provides her with a good home.
I have a nasty cold so I am staying home today. Must do some chores though. :-(
Take care!
So, Friday at the shelter: I drove out there ("Don't make me have to come over there"). My mom met me there - I think just in case I forgot to try & catch the flies with honey instead of vinegar. :-) Saw the manager, who was very apologetic. She brought out a dog that had just been surrendered as a sort of "consolation dog." Her papers say chihuahua mix - that's the biggest chihuahua I've ever seen! She's not taller than Bess, just bigger boned. Anyway... we agreed to adopt her. An alert was put out to all area vets about Little Miss Sunshine. If they check her chip, she will show up as a "hot" dog. (Get it? Hot dog? Ha! I kill myself...) If she turns up, we get first dibs on her. I guess that's the best I could hope for. The lady said this is only the second time in her 6 years that a dog has been stolen. Go figure.....
I got home Saturday and a few minutes later hub got home from work. He'd gone by my mom's house and picked up the boy and Jordan (we now call her Geordi). She has short white hair and looks like a mix of chihuahua and jack russell terrier. She's a sweetheart, and we all love her already. I just hope that whoever stole Sunshine provides her with a good home.
I have a nasty cold so I am staying home today. Must do some chores though. :-(
Take care!
Friday, December 14, 2007
Little Miss Sunshine
We have been discussing the possibility of adopting a small dog to be a companion to Bess. The two big dogs play together wonderfully, but neither will play with Bess, and she is inside most of the day – and really all of the day when the weather gets cold. She loves going over to my mom’s to play with her mom and sister, and we decided we wanted her to have a companion at our house.
Earlier this week, my mom saw a Chihuahua on the local “Good Morning” show, so we decided to take a chance and go to the shelter. That dog had already been adopted, but we found an adorable blond miniature terrier mix named “Little Miss Sunshine.” She is the same age and size as Bess, very playful, and not at all afraid of the big dogs. In short, perfect!
After spending some time with her, we (of course) fell in love and decided to adopt her. She was supposed to be spayed today, and come home this evening. Last night I got a call from the animal shelter – it seems that Sunshine was stolen from their facility sometime yesterday.
The woman I spoke with last night was obviously “just” an employee, and couldn’t assist me in any way other than to say the dog was gone. She gave me the name of the assistant director and told me she would be in at 8 am. What she neglected to say was that they don’t answer the phones at the animal shelter until they open at noon. I have left messages, but no one has bothered to return my call. So on top of being extremely upset that my dog has been stolen, I am now totally furious that no one has enough f-ing consideration to call me back! If you don’t hear from me for a few days, you know I got arrested after throwing a temper tantrum in the animal shelter waiting room at noon.
My blood is boiling!!!!!!!
We have been discussing the possibility of adopting a small dog to be a companion to Bess. The two big dogs play together wonderfully, but neither will play with Bess, and she is inside most of the day – and really all of the day when the weather gets cold. She loves going over to my mom’s to play with her mom and sister, and we decided we wanted her to have a companion at our house.
Earlier this week, my mom saw a Chihuahua on the local “Good Morning” show, so we decided to take a chance and go to the shelter. That dog had already been adopted, but we found an adorable blond miniature terrier mix named “Little Miss Sunshine.” She is the same age and size as Bess, very playful, and not at all afraid of the big dogs. In short, perfect!
After spending some time with her, we (of course) fell in love and decided to adopt her. She was supposed to be spayed today, and come home this evening. Last night I got a call from the animal shelter – it seems that Sunshine was stolen from their facility sometime yesterday.
The woman I spoke with last night was obviously “just” an employee, and couldn’t assist me in any way other than to say the dog was gone. She gave me the name of the assistant director and told me she would be in at 8 am. What she neglected to say was that they don’t answer the phones at the animal shelter until they open at noon. I have left messages, but no one has bothered to return my call. So on top of being extremely upset that my dog has been stolen, I am now totally furious that no one has enough f-ing consideration to call me back! If you don’t hear from me for a few days, you know I got arrested after throwing a temper tantrum in the animal shelter waiting room at noon.
My blood is boiling!!!!!!!
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Crime and Punishment
That show “You are what you eat” is now in my tivo queue – there are 2 shows waiting when I get home each night, which I have been watching with my hub. While our eating isn’t nearly the disaster of most of the folks on her show, I’m hoping some of the message will rub off.
For the past couple of months, they have been having a “bootcamp” class at my gym Tuesday evenings. I’m not opposed to calisthenics – heck, I know they do some really good stuff for you! I will admit that the name makes me twitch a bit (yes, I have my share of evil drill sergeant stories from my Army days), but I’ve been thinking about going. Yesterday I called the gym and Josh answered, so I asked him about the class. He assured me that it was an hour, but you didn’t have to stay for the whole hour or anything. Which left me wondering: Does he say this to everyone or is it because I’m fat?
The end result of everything was that I was really dreading the class! It felt like punishment. “Sorry fatty, you let yourself go and now you have to subject yourself to being yelled at by some fit chick for an hour.” Gee, doesn’t that sound fun? I normally like a challenge, but I was feeling bad & defeated before I ever went to the class!
When I got home, I put a leash on Bess (the Chihuahua) and took her for a walk. I got home early, so there weren’t many cars because most folks weren’t home yet. It was around 72 with a nice breeze, and the neighborhood was just so quiet. We could hear the squirrels playing in the trees! It was so peaceful and the air smelled so good and it felt so nice. Doing that – walking the dog – felt fantastic. But the thought of going to that class just made me tense up.
When I got back home and said I’d decided not to go, my son said “Why? You’re always saying how you want to lose weight.” Am I really always saying that? (I think he wanted to go to the gym.) I lifted weights yesterday morning, and I went and had a great cardio workout today. Maybe I need to get some longer workouts under my belt before I feel ready for bootcamp. But I don’t want to go to punish myself – I want to go because I’m longing for an awesome workout.
It’s funny how I used to love some weight lifting days and tolerate the cardio days – now it’s just the opposite. Since I’ve been using the “cardio coach” CDs, I’m loving my workouts! The weights are still underwhelming, but I’m doing them.
For the curious, here’s what I’m eating this week:
Breakfast: varies. Maybe lox & bagel (small), this morning 2 eggs & grits.
Snack: 5 prunes & half a can of tuna
Lunch: Moroccan eggplant, vegetable, & bean stew (no meat)
Snack: homemade hummus and a sliced cucumber
Dinner: varies. Tonight its baked turkey cutlets, baked potato, and steamed broccoli.
Snack: half a pimento cheese sandwich
Eating is going well.
I have been thoroughly enjoying the freakishly warm weather. Its back to winter Saturday, with the high for the day 38. Which sucks, because I have to put the dogs outside since the cleaning lady is coming (she’s scared of them) , and that’s awfully cold for them. But I have had the windows open and have really tried to treasure every fresh breeze!
Speaking of fresh breezes, there are 2 organizations I am considering joining:
PATH: Piedmont Appalachian Trail Hikers, is a nonprofit trail club that maintains a section of the Appalachian Trail in southwest Virginia.
Or
Piedmont Hiking & Outing Club
I haven’t discussed either with my family. PATH is the more organized of the 2 from what I’ve seen, but PHOC seems to offer more local activities. I may check both out. I want to do something that will allow me to enjoy the beautiful area we live in, and spend some quality time with my family.
Speaking of spending time together…. Today was the day that hub’s company was supposed to complete the building they are working on and turn it over. Ha! They now pay $1500 per day in penalties for each day they are late. Starting today, it’s 10 hour days, 7 days per week. Gah. He gets 3 whole days off at Christmas (he has to work the Saturday before). We had made those plans for January, and he can get the Saturday & Sunday, but I had to cancel the Sunday night (we’d planned to come back on Monday). Also, he has a side job for January that is going to get pushed back. Not to mention our deck…. I feel so bad for him, but we’re both glad he has a job. Construction jobs are hard to come by these days.
Well, that’s probably enough for today!
That show “You are what you eat” is now in my tivo queue – there are 2 shows waiting when I get home each night, which I have been watching with my hub. While our eating isn’t nearly the disaster of most of the folks on her show, I’m hoping some of the message will rub off.
For the past couple of months, they have been having a “bootcamp” class at my gym Tuesday evenings. I’m not opposed to calisthenics – heck, I know they do some really good stuff for you! I will admit that the name makes me twitch a bit (yes, I have my share of evil drill sergeant stories from my Army days), but I’ve been thinking about going. Yesterday I called the gym and Josh answered, so I asked him about the class. He assured me that it was an hour, but you didn’t have to stay for the whole hour or anything. Which left me wondering: Does he say this to everyone or is it because I’m fat?
The end result of everything was that I was really dreading the class! It felt like punishment. “Sorry fatty, you let yourself go and now you have to subject yourself to being yelled at by some fit chick for an hour.” Gee, doesn’t that sound fun? I normally like a challenge, but I was feeling bad & defeated before I ever went to the class!
When I got home, I put a leash on Bess (the Chihuahua) and took her for a walk. I got home early, so there weren’t many cars because most folks weren’t home yet. It was around 72 with a nice breeze, and the neighborhood was just so quiet. We could hear the squirrels playing in the trees! It was so peaceful and the air smelled so good and it felt so nice. Doing that – walking the dog – felt fantastic. But the thought of going to that class just made me tense up.
When I got back home and said I’d decided not to go, my son said “Why? You’re always saying how you want to lose weight.” Am I really always saying that? (I think he wanted to go to the gym.) I lifted weights yesterday morning, and I went and had a great cardio workout today. Maybe I need to get some longer workouts under my belt before I feel ready for bootcamp. But I don’t want to go to punish myself – I want to go because I’m longing for an awesome workout.
It’s funny how I used to love some weight lifting days and tolerate the cardio days – now it’s just the opposite. Since I’ve been using the “cardio coach” CDs, I’m loving my workouts! The weights are still underwhelming, but I’m doing them.
For the curious, here’s what I’m eating this week:
Breakfast: varies. Maybe lox & bagel (small), this morning 2 eggs & grits.
Snack: 5 prunes & half a can of tuna
Lunch: Moroccan eggplant, vegetable, & bean stew (no meat)
Snack: homemade hummus and a sliced cucumber
Dinner: varies. Tonight its baked turkey cutlets, baked potato, and steamed broccoli.
Snack: half a pimento cheese sandwich
Eating is going well.
I have been thoroughly enjoying the freakishly warm weather. Its back to winter Saturday, with the high for the day 38. Which sucks, because I have to put the dogs outside since the cleaning lady is coming (she’s scared of them) , and that’s awfully cold for them. But I have had the windows open and have really tried to treasure every fresh breeze!
Speaking of fresh breezes, there are 2 organizations I am considering joining:
PATH: Piedmont Appalachian Trail Hikers, is a nonprofit trail club that maintains a section of the Appalachian Trail in southwest Virginia.
Or
Piedmont Hiking & Outing Club
I haven’t discussed either with my family. PATH is the more organized of the 2 from what I’ve seen, but PHOC seems to offer more local activities. I may check both out. I want to do something that will allow me to enjoy the beautiful area we live in, and spend some quality time with my family.
Speaking of spending time together…. Today was the day that hub’s company was supposed to complete the building they are working on and turn it over. Ha! They now pay $1500 per day in penalties for each day they are late. Starting today, it’s 10 hour days, 7 days per week. Gah. He gets 3 whole days off at Christmas (he has to work the Saturday before). We had made those plans for January, and he can get the Saturday & Sunday, but I had to cancel the Sunday night (we’d planned to come back on Monday). Also, he has a side job for January that is going to get pushed back. Not to mention our deck…. I feel so bad for him, but we’re both glad he has a job. Construction jobs are hard to come by these days.
Well, that’s probably enough for today!
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
It's hard to make conversation at 5:30 am
My plan to go to the gym yesterday afternoon went down in flames when tech support from work called to help with my work at home settings. Three hours later, my computer was working, but I'd already eaten and settled in for the night. I did take a walk around the neighbrohood though.
Food was very good - 2 smiley faces for yesterday!
I got up this morning and went to the gym to lift weights. There were a couple of new faces around - I guess they are getting a jump on New year's resolutions. Anyway.... the guy at the bench next to me tried to make small talk, but that just isn't possible for me that early. I'm sure he thinks I'm a dork. He seemed nice (andwas cute) so that's too bad, but I am married so it's not like I was hoping to make a love connection. If you'd ever seen me at 5:30 - uncombed hair stuck into a ponytail, gym gear from floor, well, I doubt you'd ask me out either! It's relatively clean clothes, I just leave them in a pile so I can grab and go before I remember some bit of housework I "should" do.
I love that show "You are what you eat" on BBC America. I also like "How clean is your house"? So clearly, I don't do reality tv, unless its done with a bristich accent, which instantly makes it high brow or something.
My plan to go to the gym yesterday afternoon went down in flames when tech support from work called to help with my work at home settings. Three hours later, my computer was working, but I'd already eaten and settled in for the night. I did take a walk around the neighbrohood though.
Food was very good - 2 smiley faces for yesterday!
I got up this morning and went to the gym to lift weights. There were a couple of new faces around - I guess they are getting a jump on New year's resolutions. Anyway.... the guy at the bench next to me tried to make small talk, but that just isn't possible for me that early. I'm sure he thinks I'm a dork. He seemed nice (andwas cute) so that's too bad, but I am married so it's not like I was hoping to make a love connection. If you'd ever seen me at 5:30 - uncombed hair stuck into a ponytail, gym gear from floor, well, I doubt you'd ask me out either! It's relatively clean clothes, I just leave them in a pile so I can grab and go before I remember some bit of housework I "should" do.
I love that show "You are what you eat" on BBC America. I also like "How clean is your house"? So clearly, I don't do reality tv, unless its done with a bristich accent, which instantly makes it high brow or something.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Not quite what I planned
This morning, I got up and wanted to do my Gilad DVD I'd rented from Netflix. If I liked it, my plan was to order it. But I think I did a dumb thing: I set up my step to work out in the garage. Doing a step video on a concrete floor is probably not a good idea, and my shins were really hurting. I did my step video overweight last night (although not this overweight), so I do think it was the floor. Sigh. My plan "B" is to hit the gym this afternoon. I know, I know, but I didn't have time after that this morning.
This morning, I got up and wanted to do my Gilad DVD I'd rented from Netflix. If I liked it, my plan was to order it. But I think I did a dumb thing: I set up my step to work out in the garage. Doing a step video on a concrete floor is probably not a good idea, and my shins were really hurting. I did my step video overweight last night (although not this overweight), so I do think it was the floor. Sigh. My plan "B" is to hit the gym this afternoon. I know, I know, but I didn't have time after that this morning.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
A mixed bag
Yes, I ate a good breakfast, went to the gym, and had a good session on the elliptical. I was very careful with my eating all day. Unfortunately, hub came home with beer. Sigh. I had a planned treat - cheese dip. I had been craving it all week and hadn't had it in a while, so I did. I ate lightly all day, but I know that doesn't totally offset it, but hey, a life without cheese dip? Please!
Having said that, I am back on the wagon today. I am working around the house. I was up part of the night and feel oogie, so I cancelled my trip to Raleigh. There was no way I was up to driving 4 hours!
I slept until 8:30 this morning (heresy!) and skipped the gym. I had a leisurely breakfast with my husband and watched the end of "Bridget Jones' Diary". He is now out looking for a coat for the boy. I went through email and am now going to wash my paws & brush my fangs. :-) Then piddle about the house, and put up Christmas when hub gets home to get it down from the top shelf in the garage.
Despite cheese dip and beer, I would say yesterday was largely a success. I worked out 5 days last week - not the longest or most intense sessions of my life, but they improved as the week went on. My husband was given the day off today (I guess that's our Christmas miracle) and it was nice to sleep next to him without jumping up to an alarm. And to sit on the sofa & watch a romantic movie. And to piddle around my house without feeling stressed. I think the reason I had insomnia and feel so bad is just plain exhaustion. So I'm taking it easy today.
I have a healthy lunch planned and a good dinner. I had a large breakfast, so I'll skip morning snack. My meals for next week are planned, so I have that covered. I bought myself some really good pimento cheese from a local place here in town, and that is going to be my evening snack. I love good pimento cheese, so this will definitely satisfy my need for an indulgence, but I got a small container so if I portion it out over 5 or 6 nights it won't be an unreasonable amount.
And yes, nagging is welcome. Although encouragement might be a better term. I don't have a lot of holiday commitments, so sticking with my eating shouldn't be any tougher than any other time of year. And I really need to get a start now.
Yes, I ate a good breakfast, went to the gym, and had a good session on the elliptical. I was very careful with my eating all day. Unfortunately, hub came home with beer. Sigh. I had a planned treat - cheese dip. I had been craving it all week and hadn't had it in a while, so I did. I ate lightly all day, but I know that doesn't totally offset it, but hey, a life without cheese dip? Please!
Having said that, I am back on the wagon today. I am working around the house. I was up part of the night and feel oogie, so I cancelled my trip to Raleigh. There was no way I was up to driving 4 hours!
I slept until 8:30 this morning (heresy!) and skipped the gym. I had a leisurely breakfast with my husband and watched the end of "Bridget Jones' Diary". He is now out looking for a coat for the boy. I went through email and am now going to wash my paws & brush my fangs. :-) Then piddle about the house, and put up Christmas when hub gets home to get it down from the top shelf in the garage.
Despite cheese dip and beer, I would say yesterday was largely a success. I worked out 5 days last week - not the longest or most intense sessions of my life, but they improved as the week went on. My husband was given the day off today (I guess that's our Christmas miracle) and it was nice to sleep next to him without jumping up to an alarm. And to sit on the sofa & watch a romantic movie. And to piddle around my house without feeling stressed. I think the reason I had insomnia and feel so bad is just plain exhaustion. So I'm taking it easy today.
I have a healthy lunch planned and a good dinner. I had a large breakfast, so I'll skip morning snack. My meals for next week are planned, so I have that covered. I bought myself some really good pimento cheese from a local place here in town, and that is going to be my evening snack. I love good pimento cheese, so this will definitely satisfy my need for an indulgence, but I got a small container so if I portion it out over 5 or 6 nights it won't be an unreasonable amount.
And yes, nagging is welcome. Although encouragement might be a better term. I don't have a lot of holiday commitments, so sticking with my eating shouldn't be any tougher than any other time of year. And I really need to get a start now.
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Walk of shame
(I've always been prone to shin splints. Even in my Army days, one good road march was enough to send them right nover the edge. )
This morning I get up at 5 with my husband. I help to pack his lunch & make his breakfast. I write the shopping list so I can go early this morning. I don't feel much like it, but I know exercise WILL happen. Long slow cardio sounds good, and I decide the neighborhood sounds better than the gym. After all, its nearly 40 degrees and the sun is about to come up. Perfect right?
What a stupid idea.
After warming up, I decide to jog for ahalf block or so, just to get the heart rate up. The cardiovascular system is willing, but nothing else is. I jog a half block, and when I stop, my shins are screaming. I mean the kind where you'd call your spouse to come & bail your stupid a$$ out, except your phone is at home and they're at work.
My long slow cardio was 1 mile people.
I am sitting here crying even as I type this. I am so angry with myself for letting things get so bad over the past year. I am angry and scared and the really crappy thing is that I'd love to just go find a good book, grab a cold beer, and pretend this isn't happening to me. But that's what I've been doing for the past year, and that just won't cut it any more.
As I approached my yard, the Rocky theme song came on my mp3. I turned it off -it hurt too much to listen. What feels like my only salvation is the fact that I wrote these words here right now. You'll nag me to find out whether I put on gym clothes & finished up there, or gave up on myself in defeat. Won't you?
(I've always been prone to shin splints. Even in my Army days, one good road march was enough to send them right nover the edge. )
This morning I get up at 5 with my husband. I help to pack his lunch & make his breakfast. I write the shopping list so I can go early this morning. I don't feel much like it, but I know exercise WILL happen. Long slow cardio sounds good, and I decide the neighborhood sounds better than the gym. After all, its nearly 40 degrees and the sun is about to come up. Perfect right?
What a stupid idea.
After warming up, I decide to jog for ahalf block or so, just to get the heart rate up. The cardiovascular system is willing, but nothing else is. I jog a half block, and when I stop, my shins are screaming. I mean the kind where you'd call your spouse to come & bail your stupid a$$ out, except your phone is at home and they're at work.
My long slow cardio was 1 mile people.
I am sitting here crying even as I type this. I am so angry with myself for letting things get so bad over the past year. I am angry and scared and the really crappy thing is that I'd love to just go find a good book, grab a cold beer, and pretend this isn't happening to me. But that's what I've been doing for the past year, and that just won't cut it any more.
As I approached my yard, the Rocky theme song came on my mp3. I turned it off -it hurt too much to listen. What feels like my only salvation is the fact that I wrote these words here right now. You'll nag me to find out whether I put on gym clothes & finished up there, or gave up on myself in defeat. Won't you?
Friday, December 07, 2007
184.5
Yeah, that’s what I saw on the scale today. Oh how I wish I were still complaining about 155! Oh well, it is what it is. I can’t undo the things I’ve done, but I can change what I do going forward. I have to believe those changes will result in weight loss.
I got up and went to the gym today and lifted. It wasn’t super intense, it felt kinda half-hearted, but I could definitely feel it afterward. And it was a better workout than Wednesday. Eating overall yesterday was pretty good. We went out to our (former) favorite Korean restaurant, which has now changed hands and isn’t nearly as good. Unfortunately, it’s the only Korean restaurant anywhere close by. Bummer. I was very disappointed and really wanted something good to eat. I had tater tots and a glass (or 2) of wine after we got home. I’d been really careful with my eating all day, and the only thing that I probably ate too much of was the steamed rice (What can I say? I used to live in Hawaii. I LOVE steamed rise with soy sauce.) So, not a disaster.
This morning I had a protein shake and brought my 2 snacks. I am eating lunch out, but that will be a grilled chicken sandwich from a fast food place with no mayo and a diet soda. I have a healthy dinner already cooked at home (chili). I will go to the gym again tomorrow. I’d like to be 180 by the end of the month – that’s 3 weeks away. I have to be consistent with exercise and more importantly, with my eating! We are eating at home all weekend, so that does make it a bit easier.
I have way too much to do this weekend, but I am going to just take it one step at a time. Have a good one!
Yeah, that’s what I saw on the scale today. Oh how I wish I were still complaining about 155! Oh well, it is what it is. I can’t undo the things I’ve done, but I can change what I do going forward. I have to believe those changes will result in weight loss.
I got up and went to the gym today and lifted. It wasn’t super intense, it felt kinda half-hearted, but I could definitely feel it afterward. And it was a better workout than Wednesday. Eating overall yesterday was pretty good. We went out to our (former) favorite Korean restaurant, which has now changed hands and isn’t nearly as good. Unfortunately, it’s the only Korean restaurant anywhere close by. Bummer. I was very disappointed and really wanted something good to eat. I had tater tots and a glass (or 2) of wine after we got home. I’d been really careful with my eating all day, and the only thing that I probably ate too much of was the steamed rice (What can I say? I used to live in Hawaii. I LOVE steamed rise with soy sauce.) So, not a disaster.
This morning I had a protein shake and brought my 2 snacks. I am eating lunch out, but that will be a grilled chicken sandwich from a fast food place with no mayo and a diet soda. I have a healthy dinner already cooked at home (chili). I will go to the gym again tomorrow. I’d like to be 180 by the end of the month – that’s 3 weeks away. I have to be consistent with exercise and more importantly, with my eating! We are eating at home all weekend, so that does make it a bit easier.
I have way too much to do this weekend, but I am going to just take it one step at a time. Have a good one!
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Visualize your future
I am listening to this web site: http://www.lime.com/meditation_room. Specifically, the “forest room”, its got birds and bugs and wind. It makes me think of sunshine and feeling the warmth on my skin and being outside. I love the woods. I really want our next house to have enough property that I get a sense of woods in our back yard.
I am visualizing what I want – to be outside hiking with my family, enjoying the peace and quiet of nature. Feeling energetic and strong.
To that end, I looked at the little pocket calendar in my wallet, I marked some vacations etc. I knew were going on, and I wrote myself a note on a sticky and put it in there to remind me: Only 1 SCA event per month, 1 work at home weekend every month (crafty stuff or stuff for the house – whatever), 1 family getaway every other month. See? That still leaves me one or two weekends I can be flexible with! If I could hit that schedule more often than not, I think I’d feel a lot more relaxed.
(The “water room” is also really nice. I have been enjoying these at work when music just isn’t cutting it.)
I’ve made a decision. No one is going to hand me the life I want. The things I want are within my grasp. I don’t want a big house or a new car – I want time with my family, I want to do fun things with them. I want to spend time outside and enjoy hiking and biking and laughing. I can do those things. I can have those things. If I change my mindset.
I am listening to this web site: http://www.lime.com/meditation_room. Specifically, the “forest room”, its got birds and bugs and wind. It makes me think of sunshine and feeling the warmth on my skin and being outside. I love the woods. I really want our next house to have enough property that I get a sense of woods in our back yard.
I am visualizing what I want – to be outside hiking with my family, enjoying the peace and quiet of nature. Feeling energetic and strong.
To that end, I looked at the little pocket calendar in my wallet, I marked some vacations etc. I knew were going on, and I wrote myself a note on a sticky and put it in there to remind me: Only 1 SCA event per month, 1 work at home weekend every month (crafty stuff or stuff for the house – whatever), 1 family getaway every other month. See? That still leaves me one or two weekends I can be flexible with! If I could hit that schedule more often than not, I think I’d feel a lot more relaxed.
(The “water room” is also really nice. I have been enjoying these at work when music just isn’t cutting it.)
I’ve made a decision. No one is going to hand me the life I want. The things I want are within my grasp. I don’t want a big house or a new car – I want time with my family, I want to do fun things with them. I want to spend time outside and enjoy hiking and biking and laughing. I can do those things. I can have those things. If I change my mindset.
Yeah, I wouldn’t read me either
These days this blog seems to be hanging out in the doldrums. I have some good stuff to blog about today, which is a nice change of pace. I also have 1 not good thing to blog about.
The bad thing is that I totally lost my temper with my son this morning. With hub working 7 days a week, I really need the boy to help out around the house some, which he totally does not do. The only chore I ask him to do consistently is to walk the dogs, which he will do maybe once a week if I threaten him with death or loss of phone.
Anyway, I yelled and cried and said a bad thing when I told him “I feel like I am raising a selfish and ungrateful child.” My dad never has a good thing to say to me – he was always critical and always made me feel bad about myself. I don’t want to do that same thing, but in my frustration I find myself slipping into that dreadful pattern.
I am getting hub to meet me at our favorite Korean place for dinner and I’m hoping the boy will tag along as well (he’ll be with his grandma, but her place is near the restaurant). I want to apologize, and explain (for the 57 bazillionth time) why I need his help right now. Ugh.
Today hub will be doing some supervising – stuff on the job site isn’t being cleaned up the way it should. The assistant foreman has been slacking and this is hub’s chance to show that he can do this as well. We’ll see what happens. He’s been taking extra classes when they are offered and working hard – I am hoping it will pay off for him.
I had a kickbutt workout this morning at the gym. I used the cardio coach volume 2 CD (on my mp3 player), which is a very good interval workout. I may listen to the instrumental version tomorrow when I lift weights – I’d love to get that intensity back on the weights.
I don’t know if I believe that I can make a difference in my weight, but last night I had an okay after dinner snack – a glass of wine and a piece of cheese toast. I know it doesn’t sound the healthiest, but I portion my calories across 6 meals per day, so I have 200-300 calories left for end of day. That may not be the most nutritious snack, but it satisfies my need for “comfort/ treat” food without being too terrible. If I eat healthy the rest of the day, I think a piece of cheese, a slice of reduced calorie wheat bread, and a glass of wine has a place in my life.
I have gobs to do this weekend, but my mom has offered to come over & lend a hand with some housework, bless her. I do have to drive to Raleigh on Sunday (ugh), but other than that I’m home. The next weekend is my big murder mystery event on Saturday, Sunday there is a meeting I should go to, but I’m gonna pass. I think it’s clear that we have a lot going on (did I mention that the boy’s grandpa was rushed to the hospital this past weekend?). I have to make the family and me a priority or its gonna end badly…..
These days this blog seems to be hanging out in the doldrums. I have some good stuff to blog about today, which is a nice change of pace. I also have 1 not good thing to blog about.
The bad thing is that I totally lost my temper with my son this morning. With hub working 7 days a week, I really need the boy to help out around the house some, which he totally does not do. The only chore I ask him to do consistently is to walk the dogs, which he will do maybe once a week if I threaten him with death or loss of phone.
Anyway, I yelled and cried and said a bad thing when I told him “I feel like I am raising a selfish and ungrateful child.” My dad never has a good thing to say to me – he was always critical and always made me feel bad about myself. I don’t want to do that same thing, but in my frustration I find myself slipping into that dreadful pattern.
I am getting hub to meet me at our favorite Korean place for dinner and I’m hoping the boy will tag along as well (he’ll be with his grandma, but her place is near the restaurant). I want to apologize, and explain (for the 57 bazillionth time) why I need his help right now. Ugh.
Today hub will be doing some supervising – stuff on the job site isn’t being cleaned up the way it should. The assistant foreman has been slacking and this is hub’s chance to show that he can do this as well. We’ll see what happens. He’s been taking extra classes when they are offered and working hard – I am hoping it will pay off for him.
I had a kickbutt workout this morning at the gym. I used the cardio coach volume 2 CD (on my mp3 player), which is a very good interval workout. I may listen to the instrumental version tomorrow when I lift weights – I’d love to get that intensity back on the weights.
I don’t know if I believe that I can make a difference in my weight, but last night I had an okay after dinner snack – a glass of wine and a piece of cheese toast. I know it doesn’t sound the healthiest, but I portion my calories across 6 meals per day, so I have 200-300 calories left for end of day. That may not be the most nutritious snack, but it satisfies my need for “comfort/ treat” food without being too terrible. If I eat healthy the rest of the day, I think a piece of cheese, a slice of reduced calorie wheat bread, and a glass of wine has a place in my life.
I have gobs to do this weekend, but my mom has offered to come over & lend a hand with some housework, bless her. I do have to drive to Raleigh on Sunday (ugh), but other than that I’m home. The next weekend is my big murder mystery event on Saturday, Sunday there is a meeting I should go to, but I’m gonna pass. I think it’s clear that we have a lot going on (did I mention that the boy’s grandpa was rushed to the hospital this past weekend?). I have to make the family and me a priority or its gonna end badly…..
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Things I believe (or don’t)
1. You know how you can believe something intellectually, but your heart just doesn’t buy in to it? This is one of those: Either I no longer believe that changing my eating habits and increasing my exercise will lead to weight loss, OR I believe I am incapable of doing so.
2. I believe your hobby should be fun. I’ve lost all the fun bits and seem to be left with the administrative crap.
3. Life should be a mix of good & bad, stress & joy. With my husband working 7 days a week, there isn’t much of the joy around these days.
4. The thought of finding time to send out holiday cards shouldn’t make you tear up.
At this meeting last Saturday, 2 of the groups I oversee in this state were placed on probation. One understood that their reporting hadn’t been up to par and that we are a 501(c )3 corporation and are required to maintain a certain level of financial reporting in order to meet IRS rules. The other had a big hissy and are acting like babies and feel like they are being persecuted (their word). To make it worse, my counterpart from the president’s office is married to the president of this branch and is being a bit micromanaging IMO. So that is adding a lot of suck to my life right now.
I just feel utterly helpless in the face of my weight. Helpless. I truly feel like I have no control over my eating or exercising or health. And that is not a good way to feel. I’m sure its largely a function of the stress I’m under, but the effect it is having on me is terrible. But I can’t seem to figure out how to deal with things. I just feel like I am a victim of my own life.
I have no answers – heck, I’m too scared to get on a scale right now.
1. You know how you can believe something intellectually, but your heart just doesn’t buy in to it? This is one of those: Either I no longer believe that changing my eating habits and increasing my exercise will lead to weight loss, OR I believe I am incapable of doing so.
2. I believe your hobby should be fun. I’ve lost all the fun bits and seem to be left with the administrative crap.
3. Life should be a mix of good & bad, stress & joy. With my husband working 7 days a week, there isn’t much of the joy around these days.
4. The thought of finding time to send out holiday cards shouldn’t make you tear up.
At this meeting last Saturday, 2 of the groups I oversee in this state were placed on probation. One understood that their reporting hadn’t been up to par and that we are a 501(c )3 corporation and are required to maintain a certain level of financial reporting in order to meet IRS rules. The other had a big hissy and are acting like babies and feel like they are being persecuted (their word). To make it worse, my counterpart from the president’s office is married to the president of this branch and is being a bit micromanaging IMO. So that is adding a lot of suck to my life right now.
I just feel utterly helpless in the face of my weight. Helpless. I truly feel like I have no control over my eating or exercising or health. And that is not a good way to feel. I’m sure its largely a function of the stress I’m under, but the effect it is having on me is terrible. But I can’t seem to figure out how to deal with things. I just feel like I am a victim of my own life.
I have no answers – heck, I’m too scared to get on a scale right now.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
When your fun isn’t fun
You know, my fun isn’t really fun any more. I’m putting a ton of work into this whole treasurer thing, and I’m tired. It’s important and all, but I’m tired. I’m not sure how to find the balance in that.
I’m on diet #373 or whatever. And I’m tired of that too. This morning the thought of waking up at 5 am to go to the gym every day for the rest of my life just seemed grim. I’m going this afternoon, which frankly sounds even more grim.
Yeah, I know this is pretty negative and I’m sorry. I wish I felt more positive .. about a lot of things.
You know, my fun isn’t really fun any more. I’m putting a ton of work into this whole treasurer thing, and I’m tired. It’s important and all, but I’m tired. I’m not sure how to find the balance in that.
I’m on diet #373 or whatever. And I’m tired of that too. This morning the thought of waking up at 5 am to go to the gym every day for the rest of my life just seemed grim. I’m going this afternoon, which frankly sounds even more grim.
Yeah, I know this is pretty negative and I’m sorry. I wish I felt more positive .. about a lot of things.
Monday, December 03, 2007
Quickie
The boy's grandpa (my ex step dad) was admitted to the hospital yesterday. The boy was there when he had to be rushed to the emergency room and given 4 units of blood due to a bleeding ulcer. So he hasn't said anything about the dog - or much of anything. he's pretty shaekn right now.
I have a meeting in 10 minutes and I need to wolf down my yogurt. More later....
The boy's grandpa (my ex step dad) was admitted to the hospital yesterday. The boy was there when he had to be rushed to the emergency room and given 4 units of blood due to a bleeding ulcer. So he hasn't said anything about the dog - or much of anything. he's pretty shaekn right now.
I have a meeting in 10 minutes and I need to wolf down my yogurt. More later....
Friday, November 30, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
The Last Mile
Chyna has become increasingly aggressive with the other dogs, and snapped at 2 of our guests over Thanksgiving. Last night I broke it to our son that I had made an appointment with the vet to have her put down this afternoon.
this morning I got up and took her for her last walk around the neighborhood. That's all I can write just now.
Chyna has become increasingly aggressive with the other dogs, and snapped at 2 of our guests over Thanksgiving. Last night I broke it to our son that I had made an appointment with the vet to have her put down this afternoon.
this morning I got up and took her for her last walk around the neighborhood. That's all I can write just now.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Sad day
So, tonight we have to tell the boy that tomorrow we are having the dog put down - she is just getting more & more aggressive. It sucks and he is going to be hysterical.
Plenty of emotional eating last night & today at lunch - slept in & skipped the gym, ugh. Fever blister this morning probably due to depressed immune system from eating crap!!! Today is my mom's birthday, no chance to go to the gym tonight, but I will in the morning - really I will!
Ugh.
So, tonight we have to tell the boy that tomorrow we are having the dog put down - she is just getting more & more aggressive. It sucks and he is going to be hysterical.
Plenty of emotional eating last night & today at lunch - slept in & skipped the gym, ugh. Fever blister this morning probably due to depressed immune system from eating crap!!! Today is my mom's birthday, no chance to go to the gym tonight, but I will in the morning - really I will!
Ugh.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
I do not like green eggs and ham
Sometimes I have a lamentable lapse in judgement. This week I decided to make myself pasta for lunch – so I got a bag of “Italian” mixed frozen veggies (which I steamed), then combined with sautéed chicken breast, my barilla protein plus pasta, and no sugar spaghetti sauce. Yum-o, right? Wrong! It tasted oogie – I blame the lima beans in the vegetable mix. I love limas, but they didn’t belong here. So today instead of eating my yum-o (not!) lunch from home, I bought a cup of chili (300 calories). So, not a bad choice, but I am so disappointed that my yummy fantasy lunch turned out to not be quite so amazing in the cold harsh light of reality.
I have now driven to the greater Raleigh/Durham co-prosperity sphere 3 times in 9 days in my capacity as NC treasurer of a certain medieval non-profit. And I am tired I tell you! I spent the night at a friend’s last night – going to bed after 11 and then waking up (and I mean wide awake) at 4:15. So I got up and drove in to work. And I feel like an extra from “Night of the Living Dead”, only more dead than alive. A slightly worn zombie, maybe.
So, my hobby has been stressful, my husband continues to work 7 days a week and will for another couple of weeks (if they let up on the mandatory overtime after Dec 12th as promised even though the job won’t be done), oh and my son is acting like the moodiest teen on the planet. His grandpa (my ex step dad) and his wife threw my ex step brother out of the house, and the boy is all upset about it. And of course no one in the history of the planet has ever felt the emotions! He! Is! Feeling! William Shatner could get lessons on how to over-act from the boy I tell ya.
Needless to say, my Friday commitment to losing weight has been tough. Pluses: hard workouts at the gym Fri, Sat, and Sun (30 tough minutes on the elliptical), very good eating Friday and Saturday. Sunday was good until I had a stress eating episode, which led to insomnia, which led to eating Thanksgiving leftovers at 3 am…..
I didn’t get to exercise yesterday due to travel, and I probably will pass today since I am a zombie. I had a lovely dinner with my friend I stayed with – not the healthiest maybe (grilled chicken, bacon, and tomato sandwich with homemade cheese sauce on top and baked apples for dessert), but it was at home and I didn’t snack or have any alcohol or anything.
Tonight at our house is the neighbor’s famous homemade lasagna. Even though I had breakfast at 5:30 am, the only “extra” thing I’ve eaten was a slice of light wheat bread with peanut butter to help tide me over until lunch. I will have a big salad and a small piece because they only make it once a year and it totally rocks.
Did I tell you that I ordered an am/pm yoga tape? It shipped, but hasn’t arrived yet. I am too paranoid to go to an actual class at the gym, but I plan to keep doing the elliptical to my “Cardio Coach” CDs until I feel a bit more comfortable in my skin. Is that a copout?
There is a gym that offers Crossfit classes 4 days a week at a totally doable time, but I feel too big to go. That’s kinda sad really.
I’m so done with this. I’ve been writing down foods that I like that are portion controlled (Amy’s organic burritos, yogurt with a ¼ cup of raw oats added) and fill me up. Hmm… the yogurt might make a good after dinner snack…..
Sometimes I have a lamentable lapse in judgement. This week I decided to make myself pasta for lunch – so I got a bag of “Italian” mixed frozen veggies (which I steamed), then combined with sautéed chicken breast, my barilla protein plus pasta, and no sugar spaghetti sauce. Yum-o, right? Wrong! It tasted oogie – I blame the lima beans in the vegetable mix. I love limas, but they didn’t belong here. So today instead of eating my yum-o (not!) lunch from home, I bought a cup of chili (300 calories). So, not a bad choice, but I am so disappointed that my yummy fantasy lunch turned out to not be quite so amazing in the cold harsh light of reality.
I have now driven to the greater Raleigh/Durham co-prosperity sphere 3 times in 9 days in my capacity as NC treasurer of a certain medieval non-profit. And I am tired I tell you! I spent the night at a friend’s last night – going to bed after 11 and then waking up (and I mean wide awake) at 4:15. So I got up and drove in to work. And I feel like an extra from “Night of the Living Dead”, only more dead than alive. A slightly worn zombie, maybe.
So, my hobby has been stressful, my husband continues to work 7 days a week and will for another couple of weeks (if they let up on the mandatory overtime after Dec 12th as promised even though the job won’t be done), oh and my son is acting like the moodiest teen on the planet. His grandpa (my ex step dad) and his wife threw my ex step brother out of the house, and the boy is all upset about it. And of course no one in the history of the planet has ever felt the emotions! He! Is! Feeling! William Shatner could get lessons on how to over-act from the boy I tell ya.
Needless to say, my Friday commitment to losing weight has been tough. Pluses: hard workouts at the gym Fri, Sat, and Sun (30 tough minutes on the elliptical), very good eating Friday and Saturday. Sunday was good until I had a stress eating episode, which led to insomnia, which led to eating Thanksgiving leftovers at 3 am…..
I didn’t get to exercise yesterday due to travel, and I probably will pass today since I am a zombie. I had a lovely dinner with my friend I stayed with – not the healthiest maybe (grilled chicken, bacon, and tomato sandwich with homemade cheese sauce on top and baked apples for dessert), but it was at home and I didn’t snack or have any alcohol or anything.
Tonight at our house is the neighbor’s famous homemade lasagna. Even though I had breakfast at 5:30 am, the only “extra” thing I’ve eaten was a slice of light wheat bread with peanut butter to help tide me over until lunch. I will have a big salad and a small piece because they only make it once a year and it totally rocks.
Did I tell you that I ordered an am/pm yoga tape? It shipped, but hasn’t arrived yet. I am too paranoid to go to an actual class at the gym, but I plan to keep doing the elliptical to my “Cardio Coach” CDs until I feel a bit more comfortable in my skin. Is that a copout?
There is a gym that offers Crossfit classes 4 days a week at a totally doable time, but I feel too big to go. That’s kinda sad really.
I’m so done with this. I’ve been writing down foods that I like that are portion controlled (Amy’s organic burritos, yogurt with a ¼ cup of raw oats added) and fill me up. Hmm… the yogurt might make a good after dinner snack…..
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Crawling out from under the stress
There are a lot of things going on, little and small. For one, my hobby is taking over my life – not in a good way. I am the treasurer for the state, overseeing 17 local branches. 3 of those are or will soon be on probation of some sort due to lack of or improper financial reporting. This creates a huge amount of extra training and oversight I must do, not to mention keeping up with my other groups.
So when stuff like yesterday happens – the guy doesn’t show up to service the heat pump, odd cell phone charge on credit card bill so hub goes to cell phone store but I can’t pull bill up on home computer b/c he has made more room for music on the computer by erasing part of the OS so that the internet doesn’t work, work computer won’t let me get onto internet either and I had to place a 6 pm call to the help desk….. yeah, I pretty much went over the edge last night.
It’s like I’m right at the edge of acceptable stress levels, so any annoyance pushes me over the edge. This isn’t a good place to be. I will get these groups straightened out because I signed up for this job (although I had NO idea how much time it would take up!).
Things I have in my own personal action plan:
I’ve been doing about 85% of my planning and weekend food prep. Need to increase that percentage.
Get exercising! I ordered the am/pm yoga on VHS (that’s all we have in the bedroom). The am program is 15 minutes and the pm is 20. I can manage that. That will get me 2-fold benefits: exercise and stress relief.
Stop making excuses.
Put myself first at least 1 hour a day.
Hope you have agreat Thanksgiving!!!
There are a lot of things going on, little and small. For one, my hobby is taking over my life – not in a good way. I am the treasurer for the state, overseeing 17 local branches. 3 of those are or will soon be on probation of some sort due to lack of or improper financial reporting. This creates a huge amount of extra training and oversight I must do, not to mention keeping up with my other groups.
So when stuff like yesterday happens – the guy doesn’t show up to service the heat pump, odd cell phone charge on credit card bill so hub goes to cell phone store but I can’t pull bill up on home computer b/c he has made more room for music on the computer by erasing part of the OS so that the internet doesn’t work, work computer won’t let me get onto internet either and I had to place a 6 pm call to the help desk….. yeah, I pretty much went over the edge last night.
It’s like I’m right at the edge of acceptable stress levels, so any annoyance pushes me over the edge. This isn’t a good place to be. I will get these groups straightened out because I signed up for this job (although I had NO idea how much time it would take up!).
Things I have in my own personal action plan:
I’ve been doing about 85% of my planning and weekend food prep. Need to increase that percentage.
Get exercising! I ordered the am/pm yoga on VHS (that’s all we have in the bedroom). The am program is 15 minutes and the pm is 20. I can manage that. That will get me 2-fold benefits: exercise and stress relief.
Stop making excuses.
Put myself first at least 1 hour a day.
Hope you have agreat Thanksgiving!!!
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Crime and punishment
At least it feels that way. Eating has remained dodgy and exercise has remained sporadic. I’ve been bouncing around a 5 pound range or so, but the upper limit of that feels like it’s just slightly above maximum acceptable limits.
Last night I decided to take a walk – the weather is pleasant still, I felt the need to move, and the dogs haven’t been walked in a while. So, by the half mile mark my back was screaming. It was awful. I felt like I was reaping the reward of my lousy eating and subsequent weight gain.
Why? Do I somehow feel that if I don’t take care of my body I’m thumbing my nose at aging? Am I saying, “Look at me! I can treat my body like crap and it’ll take it just as well now as it did at 25!” Only the reality is that it won’t.
I have to make permanent changes. I got so close to goal and had such a solid exercise regime…. Why did I throw it all away?
I’d walk more in the neighborhood, but it is simply too painful. I guess I need to seriously curtail the eating and really clean it up, and use the elliptical at the gym until I’ve dropped 10 or so pounds and then hopefully I can hit the street more often. This is crap.
At least it feels that way. Eating has remained dodgy and exercise has remained sporadic. I’ve been bouncing around a 5 pound range or so, but the upper limit of that feels like it’s just slightly above maximum acceptable limits.
Last night I decided to take a walk – the weather is pleasant still, I felt the need to move, and the dogs haven’t been walked in a while. So, by the half mile mark my back was screaming. It was awful. I felt like I was reaping the reward of my lousy eating and subsequent weight gain.
Why? Do I somehow feel that if I don’t take care of my body I’m thumbing my nose at aging? Am I saying, “Look at me! I can treat my body like crap and it’ll take it just as well now as it did at 25!” Only the reality is that it won’t.
I have to make permanent changes. I got so close to goal and had such a solid exercise regime…. Why did I throw it all away?
I’d walk more in the neighborhood, but it is simply too painful. I guess I need to seriously curtail the eating and really clean it up, and use the elliptical at the gym until I’ve dropped 10 or so pounds and then hopefully I can hit the street more often. This is crap.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
These are not the ‘droids you are looking for. We can go about our business.
Hmmm… the usual mixed bag of gym, snacking, exhaustion, good choices, bad choices, sleeping in, waking up early….. never on a firm path – always bouncing like a pinball between a healthy plan and disaster. Nothing ever changes but the day.
I’m tired. It was a busy weekend. I made good and bad choices, hit the gym both days, ran yesterday, slept in today. By evening my energy levels are in the toilet, which makes things tough. I have no answer. I need a change but lack the energy to achieve escape velocity…..
Are you getting as tired of reading about it as I am of typing it?????
Hmmm… the usual mixed bag of gym, snacking, exhaustion, good choices, bad choices, sleeping in, waking up early….. never on a firm path – always bouncing like a pinball between a healthy plan and disaster. Nothing ever changes but the day.
I’m tired. It was a busy weekend. I made good and bad choices, hit the gym both days, ran yesterday, slept in today. By evening my energy levels are in the toilet, which makes things tough. I have no answer. I need a change but lack the energy to achieve escape velocity…..
Are you getting as tired of reading about it as I am of typing it?????
Thursday, November 08, 2007
A quiet turkey day
So, my MIL won't be coming for Thanksgiving. Not quite sure how to react. She says she's been working a lot and will be tired, but she lives less than 2 hours away. I dunno is she's put off because my mom called to ask her instead of hub, or what. Maybe I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth???
Did calisthenics this morning - truly a humbling experience.
So, my MIL won't be coming for Thanksgiving. Not quite sure how to react. She says she's been working a lot and will be tired, but she lives less than 2 hours away. I dunno is she's put off because my mom called to ask her instead of hub, or what. Maybe I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth???
Did calisthenics this morning - truly a humbling experience.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Yup - still here
Hello. I haven't abandoned this old blog yet. My son is being a typical surly teen and my husband is working 7 days a week and I am tired. I cried all the way to work yesterday.
Despite my utter lack of interest, that magical time change is making the whole getting up a 5 am thing a reality. I've gotten up and exercised every day this week. Woot! Not doing so great tracking food, but since I eat the same thing every day (except dinner) and I plan & cook it all in advance, its pretty good stuff.
After things slow down with hub's work (after the new year) I am planning for us to do a 3 day weekend down in Helen Ga - lord knows we need to get away. I think we're all pretty burned out.
I know this isn't very exciting. My low back and shins have been bothering me some, so running has been limited. But I've been doing some in the neighborhood, using the elliptical for my interval training, and trying to do 20 minutes of slower but good speed cardio post weights.
I just have to keep reminding myself that I can't out-train poor nutrition. Food intake is the critical piece.
Hello. I haven't abandoned this old blog yet. My son is being a typical surly teen and my husband is working 7 days a week and I am tired. I cried all the way to work yesterday.
Despite my utter lack of interest, that magical time change is making the whole getting up a 5 am thing a reality. I've gotten up and exercised every day this week. Woot! Not doing so great tracking food, but since I eat the same thing every day (except dinner) and I plan & cook it all in advance, its pretty good stuff.
After things slow down with hub's work (after the new year) I am planning for us to do a 3 day weekend down in Helen Ga - lord knows we need to get away. I think we're all pretty burned out.
I know this isn't very exciting. My low back and shins have been bothering me some, so running has been limited. But I've been doing some in the neighborhood, using the elliptical for my interval training, and trying to do 20 minutes of slower but good speed cardio post weights.
I just have to keep reminding myself that I can't out-train poor nutrition. Food intake is the critical piece.
Friday, November 02, 2007
A day (or 2) late
November is here, and I want to set soem goals for the month. I am still a bit on the tired side, so I am actually starting tomorrow. Some of these may seem silly, but they all serve 1 purpose: to help me feel as well as possible.
Things like being sure to wash my face & brush & floss before bed mean I sleep better. Regular exercise and eating plenty of healthy foods helps as well. My plan is to get in 2 interval and 2 weight training sessions per week, with 3 being optimal. And squeezing in the fruits & vegetables. I had a big salad & bowl of soup for dinner last night, so I'm working on some of it already, but I opted to sleep in this morning to get caught back up on my sleep.
Hope you all have a good weekend.
November is here, and I want to set soem goals for the month. I am still a bit on the tired side, so I am actually starting tomorrow. Some of these may seem silly, but they all serve 1 purpose: to help me feel as well as possible.
Things like being sure to wash my face & brush & floss before bed mean I sleep better. Regular exercise and eating plenty of healthy foods helps as well. My plan is to get in 2 interval and 2 weight training sessions per week, with 3 being optimal. And squeezing in the fruits & vegetables. I had a big salad & bowl of soup for dinner last night, so I'm working on some of it already, but I opted to sleep in this morning to get caught back up on my sleep.
Hope you all have a good weekend.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Thursday, October 25, 2007
And .... action!
To continue with my thought from yesterday, the really encouraging thing was knowing that I could eat a decent amount of food. I don't know why this surprised me - when I was doing Alwyn Copsgrove's "Afterburn" program, I was eating 1700 calories a day and losing 2 pounds a week! And I weighed 15 pounds less then!
So, I pulled out that program, along with some of my old journals. A couple of challenges I am facing: I am tired of the same old thing and also, I am inadvertantly sabotoging myself with a lousy evening snack. I plan stuff that looks good on paper, but a protein shake for an evening snack? Please! So, better planning.
In reading through my old journals, I got some fantastic ideas! A low carb tortilla with red beans, a bit of chicken or chicken sausage and cheese for breakfast, oats with yogurt, butternut squash, lox & cream cheese bagel, pumpkin soup - all sorts of good stuff in there! I am looking forward to planning next week's meals for a change!!!!
To continue with my thought from yesterday, the really encouraging thing was knowing that I could eat a decent amount of food. I don't know why this surprised me - when I was doing Alwyn Copsgrove's "Afterburn" program, I was eating 1700 calories a day and losing 2 pounds a week! And I weighed 15 pounds less then!
So, I pulled out that program, along with some of my old journals. A couple of challenges I am facing: I am tired of the same old thing and also, I am inadvertantly sabotoging myself with a lousy evening snack. I plan stuff that looks good on paper, but a protein shake for an evening snack? Please! So, better planning.
In reading through my old journals, I got some fantastic ideas! A low carb tortilla with red beans, a bit of chicken or chicken sausage and cheese for breakfast, oats with yogurt, butternut squash, lox & cream cheese bagel, pumpkin soup - all sorts of good stuff in there! I am looking forward to planning next week's meals for a change!!!!
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Curiously optomistic
Yesterday, my walking partner and I had our RMRs (resting metabolic rate) tested. This is the amount of calories you burn sitting around. It's a very useful number when you are trying to figure out the appropriate caloric intake to lose weight. Anyway, mine is a bit over 1800 calories. She recommended 1700 to 1800 calories per day to lose weight if I am exercising daily. That made me feel good, that's a number I can live with and not feel like I'm starving. Remember when my doctor told me to eat 1200 calories a day? Ugh. So I'm thinking, maybe I can do this after all....
Yesterday, my walking partner and I had our RMRs (resting metabolic rate) tested. This is the amount of calories you burn sitting around. It's a very useful number when you are trying to figure out the appropriate caloric intake to lose weight. Anyway, mine is a bit over 1800 calories. She recommended 1700 to 1800 calories per day to lose weight if I am exercising daily. That made me feel good, that's a number I can live with and not feel like I'm starving. Remember when my doctor told me to eat 1200 calories a day? Ugh. So I'm thinking, maybe I can do this after all....
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Update
I’m actually doing pretty well. I ordered a couple of books about perimenopause off Amazon – I decided “have fun with that” (which is basically what my doctor said) wasn’t sufficient. So I am doing my homework. I’m thinking about making an appt with a friend’s doctor, but the first opening is in February!!!
Eating has improved. But I’ll tell you something; when I don’t overeat, I’m bored. The thing is, when I get home from work, I don’t want to get into a project. I don’t understand how people can come home and do something super intense like painting etc. – I’m just too friend. A Star Trek novel or a tv show is about all I can handle. But when I finish a book and there’s nothing on tv, I am bored. Last night was a perfect example. Eating definitely fills a void for me.
But I didn’t give in – I’m really trying. I got up and went to the gym – exercise is pretty decent although I have lost a lot of my fitness, which is depressing.
Work is busy, home is busy, the weather is nice. I feel like I’ve run out of things to say here. I dunno….
I’m actually doing pretty well. I ordered a couple of books about perimenopause off Amazon – I decided “have fun with that” (which is basically what my doctor said) wasn’t sufficient. So I am doing my homework. I’m thinking about making an appt with a friend’s doctor, but the first opening is in February!!!
Eating has improved. But I’ll tell you something; when I don’t overeat, I’m bored. The thing is, when I get home from work, I don’t want to get into a project. I don’t understand how people can come home and do something super intense like painting etc. – I’m just too friend. A Star Trek novel or a tv show is about all I can handle. But when I finish a book and there’s nothing on tv, I am bored. Last night was a perfect example. Eating definitely fills a void for me.
But I didn’t give in – I’m really trying. I got up and went to the gym – exercise is pretty decent although I have lost a lot of my fitness, which is depressing.
Work is busy, home is busy, the weather is nice. I feel like I’ve run out of things to say here. I dunno….
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Just a note....
Haven't given up, although my talk with my doctor was not very helpful. So I am doing research on my own!!!
I lost 3 pounds this week. It really came home to me this weekend that I just needed to let go of this - that the tighter I held on, the more stressed (and unsucessful) I was at losing weight. i took the weekend for myself to relax and its left me feeling refreshed.
Haven't given up, although my talk with my doctor was not very helpful. So I am doing research on my own!!!
I lost 3 pounds this week. It really came home to me this weekend that I just needed to let go of this - that the tighter I held on, the more stressed (and unsucessful) I was at losing weight. i took the weekend for myself to relax and its left me feeling refreshed.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
“Peri-“, a Greek prefix meaning “batpoop crazy”
(Courtesy of WebMD)
What Are the Signs of Perimenopause?
You will know you are transitioning into menopause when you begin experiencing some or all of the following symptoms:
·Hot flashes
Breast tenderness
· Worsening of premenstrual syndrome
·Decreased libido (sex drive)
·Fatigue
· Irregular periods
· Vaginal dryness; discomfort during sex
· Urine leakage when coughing or sneezing
· Urinary urgency (a pressing need to urinate more frequently)
· Mood swings
· Difficulty sleeping
Yeah, 10 out of 11. Impressive, huh? No wonder I feel like an escapee from an asylum. I ordered 2 books about this EXCITING STAGE IN MY LIFE! I have also put in a call to my doctor – I am hoping she will agree to test my hormone levels so we can know for sure where I am and discuss options.
I gained 3 pounds last week – bringing my total weight gain during our “Fit n Fun” activity here at work to 6! Pounds! Something’s gotta give. Jesus. I hate posting here – I don’t want you to have to read about me buying take out pizza for my family or having Frito’s & beer for supper after the hub and boy have left for PTA. I am a wreck. Please read that list above and see if that sounds like a good time to you, cause I’m about ready for a rubber room holiday.
In case you’re depressed after reading that list, here’s a little something to cheer you up, courtesy of http://www.wwdiva.com/:
Deep Fried Mac and Cheese
Recipe Courtesy of Paula Deen
Peanut oil, for frying
1 recipe "The Lady's Cheesy Mac" prepared, chilled in the refrigerator overnight, and cut into 15 bite-sized squares, recipe follows
Flour, for dredging
1 egg, beaten
Plain bread crumbs, for dredging
Heat 2 inches of oil in a large, heavy Dutch oven to 350 degrees F.
Dredge each Cheesy Mac square in flour, then egg, and then bread crumbs to coat.
Fry for about 1 minute on each side until golden brown. Drain on paper towels before serving.
"The Lady's Cheesy Mac":
4 cups cooked elbow macaroni, drained
2 cups grated Cheddar
3 eggs, beaten
1/2 cup sour cream
4 tablespoons butter, cut into pieces
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup milk
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Once you have the macaroni cooked and drained, place in a large bowl and while still hot, add the Cheddar. In a separate bowl, combine the remaining ingredients and add to the macaroni mixture. Pour macaroni mixture into a casserole dish and bake for 30 to 45 minutes. Top with additional cheese, if desired.
(Courtesy of WebMD)
What Are the Signs of Perimenopause?
You will know you are transitioning into menopause when you begin experiencing some or all of the following symptoms:
·Hot flashes
Breast tenderness
· Worsening of premenstrual syndrome
·Decreased libido (sex drive)
·Fatigue
· Irregular periods
· Vaginal dryness; discomfort during sex
· Urine leakage when coughing or sneezing
· Urinary urgency (a pressing need to urinate more frequently)
· Mood swings
· Difficulty sleeping
Yeah, 10 out of 11. Impressive, huh? No wonder I feel like an escapee from an asylum. I ordered 2 books about this EXCITING STAGE IN MY LIFE! I have also put in a call to my doctor – I am hoping she will agree to test my hormone levels so we can know for sure where I am and discuss options.
I gained 3 pounds last week – bringing my total weight gain during our “Fit n Fun” activity here at work to 6! Pounds! Something’s gotta give. Jesus. I hate posting here – I don’t want you to have to read about me buying take out pizza for my family or having Frito’s & beer for supper after the hub and boy have left for PTA. I am a wreck. Please read that list above and see if that sounds like a good time to you, cause I’m about ready for a rubber room holiday.
In case you’re depressed after reading that list, here’s a little something to cheer you up, courtesy of http://www.wwdiva.com/:
Deep Fried Mac and Cheese
Recipe Courtesy of Paula Deen
Peanut oil, for frying
1 recipe "The Lady's Cheesy Mac" prepared, chilled in the refrigerator overnight, and cut into 15 bite-sized squares, recipe follows
Flour, for dredging
1 egg, beaten
Plain bread crumbs, for dredging
Heat 2 inches of oil in a large, heavy Dutch oven to 350 degrees F.
Dredge each Cheesy Mac square in flour, then egg, and then bread crumbs to coat.
Fry for about 1 minute on each side until golden brown. Drain on paper towels before serving.
"The Lady's Cheesy Mac":
4 cups cooked elbow macaroni, drained
2 cups grated Cheddar
3 eggs, beaten
1/2 cup sour cream
4 tablespoons butter, cut into pieces
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup milk
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Once you have the macaroni cooked and drained, place in a large bowl and while still hot, add the Cheddar. In a separate bowl, combine the remaining ingredients and add to the macaroni mixture. Pour macaroni mixture into a casserole dish and bake for 30 to 45 minutes. Top with additional cheese, if desired.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Vicious cycle
Right now I am in a very weird place. I’m functioning on a sort of cruise control, minimal operations kind of setting, and can’t seem to stop with the stress eating. And yet I don’t feel stressed, but feel like I must be since I keep overeating in the evenings.
I don’t seem to feel angry or depressed – actually things seem to be going along fairly smoothly right now. So what is wrong with me?
Right now I am in a very weird place. I’m functioning on a sort of cruise control, minimal operations kind of setting, and can’t seem to stop with the stress eating. And yet I don’t feel stressed, but feel like I must be since I keep overeating in the evenings.
I don’t seem to feel angry or depressed – actually things seem to be going along fairly smoothly right now. So what is wrong with me?
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Just a quickie
I am out of the office most of today and all day tomorrow. Things are improving - my eating is better, the boy and I went to lift weights again this morning, I did interval training yesterday and plan to do so tomorrow, plus I have a quiet weekend at home so I can hit the gym.
No movement on the scale this week, but I feel sure I'll see a loss next week. (I hope). In any case, i am baby stepping the food, it's nowhere near 'perfect', but if its improved enough to get the scale moving I'll be thrilled.
I am out of the office most of today and all day tomorrow. Things are improving - my eating is better, the boy and I went to lift weights again this morning, I did interval training yesterday and plan to do so tomorrow, plus I have a quiet weekend at home so I can hit the gym.
No movement on the scale this week, but I feel sure I'll see a loss next week. (I hope). In any case, i am baby stepping the food, it's nowhere near 'perfect', but if its improved enough to get the scale moving I'll be thrilled.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Brain Dump
The scale is not my friend – I have gained 3 pounds since we started this “Fit-n-Fun” thing at work. Right now, it’s not feeling like a lot of fun. I am the highest weight I’ve ever been, excluding pregnancy. That’s a tough pill to swallow! The really difficult thing is that it is having an adverse impact on my quality of life. I’m only 5’2”, so this extra 20 pounds makes a huge difference. When I walk the dog, if she pulls, my back is screaming after a half a mile. My shins hurt when I walk or jog. I come home from a walk hurting – that’s serious.
Weight training is a lot easier, and the boy and I are going twice a week. I need to bump that up to 3, but that’s a solid start. I am also able to do interval training on the elliptical, so I need to make those sessions a priority. I have just added them back into the mix.
Food has been very up and down. I’ve had a huge amount of stress. For one, I thought my treasurer boss in my medieval group might be stepping down, and was thinking I might need to step into her shoes. While I’d like the job one day, not Today! The boy has been difficult, and so has the husband. Luckily, hub finished up his side job and they aren’t currently working weekends, so that makes him happier. After a few phoneless days, the boy seems to be improving. They went and played paintball together Saturday – I think they needed the time. And the boy & I have been doing the gym thing, so that gives us something we are doing together. For a while it seemed everyone was just going their own way & none of us were doing very well. We’re interacting more, work stress has declined, so things are looking up.
I was considering posting for a job on another team in the department – it’s the same band level, just a “senior” v. “junior”, but it would mean a raise while doing basically the same job. I thought about putting in for it, even though I love working for my boss and feel he is really helping me in terms of professional development. I was nervous about that – I felt that b/c of our tight finances, I needed to put in for the job, but my heart wasn’t in it. I talked to my boss, and he agreed I was ready. He said that he can put me in for just a straight promotion since it isn’t up a level (for that you have to post for a new job), and told me he would make that recommendation to his boss! Not sure when that will happen, but that is great news. I didn’t post for the other job, and I feel much happier – not only that I’ll be staying, but that he has that much confidence in me. Also, we’ve been given a more firm direction to work in for next year, which makes me feel good. This year has felt like we were kinda drifting, which I dislike.
So, work is much better, home is better, my exercise is picking up. Hopefully now that the stress levels are down the food will be easier to get back under control. I am seriously considering going shakes for a couple of meals 2 or 3 days a week until I make some progress. I know that isn’t a long term solution, but I could use some good news on the scale for a change.
The scale is not my friend – I have gained 3 pounds since we started this “Fit-n-Fun” thing at work. Right now, it’s not feeling like a lot of fun. I am the highest weight I’ve ever been, excluding pregnancy. That’s a tough pill to swallow! The really difficult thing is that it is having an adverse impact on my quality of life. I’m only 5’2”, so this extra 20 pounds makes a huge difference. When I walk the dog, if she pulls, my back is screaming after a half a mile. My shins hurt when I walk or jog. I come home from a walk hurting – that’s serious.
Weight training is a lot easier, and the boy and I are going twice a week. I need to bump that up to 3, but that’s a solid start. I am also able to do interval training on the elliptical, so I need to make those sessions a priority. I have just added them back into the mix.
Food has been very up and down. I’ve had a huge amount of stress. For one, I thought my treasurer boss in my medieval group might be stepping down, and was thinking I might need to step into her shoes. While I’d like the job one day, not Today! The boy has been difficult, and so has the husband. Luckily, hub finished up his side job and they aren’t currently working weekends, so that makes him happier. After a few phoneless days, the boy seems to be improving. They went and played paintball together Saturday – I think they needed the time. And the boy & I have been doing the gym thing, so that gives us something we are doing together. For a while it seemed everyone was just going their own way & none of us were doing very well. We’re interacting more, work stress has declined, so things are looking up.
I was considering posting for a job on another team in the department – it’s the same band level, just a “senior” v. “junior”, but it would mean a raise while doing basically the same job. I thought about putting in for it, even though I love working for my boss and feel he is really helping me in terms of professional development. I was nervous about that – I felt that b/c of our tight finances, I needed to put in for the job, but my heart wasn’t in it. I talked to my boss, and he agreed I was ready. He said that he can put me in for just a straight promotion since it isn’t up a level (for that you have to post for a new job), and told me he would make that recommendation to his boss! Not sure when that will happen, but that is great news. I didn’t post for the other job, and I feel much happier – not only that I’ll be staying, but that he has that much confidence in me. Also, we’ve been given a more firm direction to work in for next year, which makes me feel good. This year has felt like we were kinda drifting, which I dislike.
So, work is much better, home is better, my exercise is picking up. Hopefully now that the stress levels are down the food will be easier to get back under control. I am seriously considering going shakes for a couple of meals 2 or 3 days a week until I make some progress. I know that isn’t a long term solution, but I could use some good news on the scale for a change.
Monday, October 01, 2007
Oh what a beautiful weekend
The weather here was simply amazing. It was so nice having all the windows & doors open, letting the sun & air come into the house. I didn't want it to end!!!
Food and exercise remain a mixed bag. I feel like I should write about it, event though I have to admit that I don't want to. I feel like a failure.
I did do a good job of the food prep, and have a meal in the fridge, plus plans for 2 crock pot meals, an easy soup, and leftover lasagna.
The weather here was simply amazing. It was so nice having all the windows & doors open, letting the sun & air come into the house. I didn't want it to end!!!
Food and exercise remain a mixed bag. I feel like I should write about it, event though I have to admit that I don't want to. I feel like a failure.
I did do a good job of the food prep, and have a meal in the fridge, plus plans for 2 crock pot meals, an easy soup, and leftover lasagna.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Hello? Are the lights still on?
Sorry for dropping outta sight. The boy has been in quite the mood this week, cluminating in our turning off his phone. Things are improving, but its been a stressful week.
We're still trying to find a way to keep Chyna since the only option we've found is to have her put down. She is staying in the kitchen some days (the days when bess is home) so bess can be outside. Some days Bess goes to my mom's, so Chyna is inside maybe 2 or 3 days a week. But bess was getting very depressed, so this seems to be helping. The boy got so upset, we are trying very hard to work things out.
I'm tired, but we are managing to get to the gym, I am walking (running some, but its bothering my shins), and trying to get the food back to normal.
Have a good weekend.
Sorry for dropping outta sight. The boy has been in quite the mood this week, cluminating in our turning off his phone. Things are improving, but its been a stressful week.
We're still trying to find a way to keep Chyna since the only option we've found is to have her put down. She is staying in the kitchen some days (the days when bess is home) so bess can be outside. Some days Bess goes to my mom's, so Chyna is inside maybe 2 or 3 days a week. But bess was getting very depressed, so this seems to be helping. The boy got so upset, we are trying very hard to work things out.
I'm tired, but we are managing to get to the gym, I am walking (running some, but its bothering my shins), and trying to get the food back to normal.
Have a good weekend.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Is there really such a thing as "too late" for your health????
Check out exhibit A: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/21/sports/othersports/21builder.html?_r=2&oref=slogin&oref=slogin
Each day is a new one
Still struggling with evening snacking, but I am getting back into the groove at the gym, walking quite a bit, and doing good with cooking meals for the family. So, I'm only missing one piece. It's a deal breaker in terms of weight loss, but I just remind myself how many good habits I've rebuilt.
Still struggling with evening snacking, but I am getting back into the groove at the gym, walking quite a bit, and doing good with cooking meals for the family. So, I'm only missing one piece. It's a deal breaker in terms of weight loss, but I just remind myself how many good habits I've rebuilt.
Friday, September 21, 2007
I so wanted to believe...
I am very disappointed by the Floyd Landis decision. I guess I'll keep watching the TdeF, but not with the enthusiasm I did 2 or 3 years ago.
My motivation is flagging, and I have snacked too much the past few nights. For someone as short as me, that can mean the kiss of death for the week. I am going scuba diving in 6 months and I'd love to at least be back down to the weight I had gotten down to by then. Help me remember to stay the course, please?
In good news, I clocked 2 miles this morning. Woo hoo!
Have a good weekend!
I am very disappointed by the Floyd Landis decision. I guess I'll keep watching the TdeF, but not with the enthusiasm I did 2 or 3 years ago.
My motivation is flagging, and I have snacked too much the past few nights. For someone as short as me, that can mean the kiss of death for the week. I am going scuba diving in 6 months and I'd love to at least be back down to the weight I had gotten down to by then. Help me remember to stay the course, please?
In good news, I clocked 2 miles this morning. Woo hoo!
Have a good weekend!
Thursday, September 20, 2007
A tummy full of soup
Still struggling with the exercise. I am renting a workout DVD from Netflix and giving it a shot - The Pit Workout - sounds pretty cool anyway.
Food is okay - a bit of stress eating in the evenings the past couple of nights, but not TOO hideous. No cheese dip has been involved. :-)
Loving the cooler weather!
This morning I used an hour of vacation to pick up the house before the cleaning lady comes. Only a woman would use her vacation in this way.
I am going to Durham tomorrow evening after work to meet with the lady with whom I am running a large event. Saturday my mom and I are going shopping. Pray for me. Or something.
Still struggling with the exercise. I am renting a workout DVD from Netflix and giving it a shot - The Pit Workout - sounds pretty cool anyway.
Food is okay - a bit of stress eating in the evenings the past couple of nights, but not TOO hideous. No cheese dip has been involved. :-)
Loving the cooler weather!
This morning I used an hour of vacation to pick up the house before the cleaning lady comes. Only a woman would use her vacation in this way.
I am going to Durham tomorrow evening after work to meet with the lady with whom I am running a large event. Saturday my mom and I are going shopping. Pray for me. Or something.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
A mixed bag
I was down 2 pounds on the nurse's scale. I weighed in the hall right before I went in and was 1 pound lighter on the hall scale. So at least I know how they line up. Glad I'm seeing some progress. The clothes situation is fairly dire. I did pick up some shirts over the weekend, but I neeed something on the nether regions as well.
I've been very tired lately - went to bed at 8:45 last night! I am struggling with getting to the gym, but I am walking at least. I had a mini meltdown this morning, feeling a bit overwhelmed. Not even quite sure why.
We are headed to Florida over spring break. Hoping to visit a friend, but odds are good he'll be in Baghdad. I worry about him, because he is back & forth over there (and other exotic locales) on a regular basis.
I was down 2 pounds on the nurse's scale. I weighed in the hall right before I went in and was 1 pound lighter on the hall scale. So at least I know how they line up. Glad I'm seeing some progress. The clothes situation is fairly dire. I did pick up some shirts over the weekend, but I neeed something on the nether regions as well.
I've been very tired lately - went to bed at 8:45 last night! I am struggling with getting to the gym, but I am walking at least. I had a mini meltdown this morning, feeling a bit overwhelmed. Not even quite sure why.
We are headed to Florida over spring break. Hoping to visit a friend, but odds are good he'll be in Baghdad. I worry about him, because he is back & forth over there (and other exotic locales) on a regular basis.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Nap time!
Boy, could I have slept in this morning! The air is nice and cool and the windows were open - delightful. But I got up and did a brief walk/run thing. Ugh. Weight has dropped down today to what I saw last week on the hall scale. Exercise was okay this weekend, although I never got to the gym. But I walked a couple of times and was active. Eating was better.
I made a big batch of gazpacho sooup this week and put some in my lunch. I also bought bell peppers, celery hearts, and cherry tomatoes at Costco, in an effort to increase ye olde veggie intake.
We are going to a wedding in November at Ren Faire (huzzah!) - my girlfriend Ceara has agreed to help me make an outfit. Most of my medieval attire is peasant class since I am frequently working at events, I'd like to have a new outfit.
Hung with friends, cleaned the boat & took it out for a while, a bit on the busy side, but nice.
Oh, and I'm loving the weather!
Boy, could I have slept in this morning! The air is nice and cool and the windows were open - delightful. But I got up and did a brief walk/run thing. Ugh. Weight has dropped down today to what I saw last week on the hall scale. Exercise was okay this weekend, although I never got to the gym. But I walked a couple of times and was active. Eating was better.
I made a big batch of gazpacho sooup this week and put some in my lunch. I also bought bell peppers, celery hearts, and cherry tomatoes at Costco, in an effort to increase ye olde veggie intake.
We are going to a wedding in November at Ren Faire (huzzah!) - my girlfriend Ceara has agreed to help me make an outfit. Most of my medieval attire is peasant class since I am frequently working at events, I'd like to have a new outfit.
Hung with friends, cleaned the boat & took it out for a while, a bit on the busy side, but nice.
Oh, and I'm loving the weather!
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Quotes for the day:
“Fear is your best friend or your worst enemy. It's like fire. If you can control it, it can cook for you; it can heat your house. If you can't control it, it will burn everything around you and destroy you. If you can control your fear, it makes you more alert, like a deer coming across the lawn.”
“Everyone has a plan until they get hit.”
Both by Mike Tyson.
Or good old M. Ali: “I hated every minute of the training. But I said to myself, bear the pain now and live the rest of your life as a champion."
We got up this morning and hit the gym. Right now the workouts aren’t exactly arduous – more a time for both of us to ease into a routine. But still, it feels good doing it. The boy laid back down when we got home! :-O
Had to make a mad dash to the grocery store before breakfast (the cat doesn’t like the new brand of litter and expressed her displeasure by taking a poo on his floor) – why doesn’t the convenience store carry cat litter? That’s not very convenient! Pulled into the garage and discovered that I had hit a frog as I pulled in. Yes, I cried.
I got on the scale again today (not the one in the nurse’s office which I used yesterday, but the one in the hall) and it said the same thing it did last week. Either it’s a couple of pounds lighter than the nurse’s, or I lost 3 pounds in a day. I have been doing quite well with my eating and exercise, but I need to (of course, as always) keep a closer eye on the weekend.
I am still feeling a million times better than I was – I am very glad I got off that medicine. I’m sure it helps some people, but it was doing me more harm than good. Yes, I still get angry and cranky, but not as badly. I do think the exercise helps, and now that I’m off the medicine, I can feel it helping. Which makes it easier to keep at it.
We walked the dogs last night – the exercise seems to be helping Chyna. She walks great on a leash and it seems to give her a sense of purpose. Whatever the reason, she is being less aggressive with the other dogs. We are still keeping Bess inside though just to be sure.
I am tired of the heat, but I hope it lasts a little longer. My mom is pushing me to go shopping for some fall clothes, but the thought is enough to send me running for the cheese dip. Maybe I'll feel better about it in a couple of weeks once I'm firmly back on the exercise train.
“Fear is your best friend or your worst enemy. It's like fire. If you can control it, it can cook for you; it can heat your house. If you can't control it, it will burn everything around you and destroy you. If you can control your fear, it makes you more alert, like a deer coming across the lawn.”
“Everyone has a plan until they get hit.”
Both by Mike Tyson.
Or good old M. Ali: “I hated every minute of the training. But I said to myself, bear the pain now and live the rest of your life as a champion."
We got up this morning and hit the gym. Right now the workouts aren’t exactly arduous – more a time for both of us to ease into a routine. But still, it feels good doing it. The boy laid back down when we got home! :-O
Had to make a mad dash to the grocery store before breakfast (the cat doesn’t like the new brand of litter and expressed her displeasure by taking a poo on his floor) – why doesn’t the convenience store carry cat litter? That’s not very convenient! Pulled into the garage and discovered that I had hit a frog as I pulled in. Yes, I cried.
I got on the scale again today (not the one in the nurse’s office which I used yesterday, but the one in the hall) and it said the same thing it did last week. Either it’s a couple of pounds lighter than the nurse’s, or I lost 3 pounds in a day. I have been doing quite well with my eating and exercise, but I need to (of course, as always) keep a closer eye on the weekend.
I am still feeling a million times better than I was – I am very glad I got off that medicine. I’m sure it helps some people, but it was doing me more harm than good. Yes, I still get angry and cranky, but not as badly. I do think the exercise helps, and now that I’m off the medicine, I can feel it helping. Which makes it easier to keep at it.
We walked the dogs last night – the exercise seems to be helping Chyna. She walks great on a leash and it seems to give her a sense of purpose. Whatever the reason, she is being less aggressive with the other dogs. We are still keeping Bess inside though just to be sure.
I am tired of the heat, but I hope it lasts a little longer. My mom is pushing me to go shopping for some fall clothes, but the thought is enough to send me running for the cheese dip. Maybe I'll feel better about it in a couple of weeks once I'm firmly back on the exercise train.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Friday, September 07, 2007
Busy busy
Things are continuing along well here. The boy and I walked the dogs last night (Bess is over at my mom’s so we only had 3. She goes over there for a day or so during the week so she gets more outdoors time as we no longer leave her outside when we aren’t home.) We had our kick off and official pedometer start yesterday afternoon for our “fit-n-fun” and I already got a lunch voucher – they handed out 2 for the people with the most steps and I had over 17000! So I am having a grilled chicken sandwich and side salad today – yum!
We have a lot of fun plans for the weekend – we may meet friends for dinner tonight, tomorrow we are helping a friend move, Sunday is yard work for the boys, groceries & food prep for me, and then we’re headed to the lake to clean the boat. I haven’t told my hub yet that he will be helping the boy with the yard work rather than me, but I don’t see him doing the food prep for the week! :-O
We were planning to go to a medieval event next month about 3 hours away. We really didn’t want to just head up for the day, so we asked our good friends R&M if we could stay at their place. Instead they paid our way for the entire weekend – cabin fee, entrance fee, and dinner Saturday night. I cried. The generosity and quality of friends … it just amazes me at times. I feel so lucky.
Anyway, despite the bad news earlier in the week and the need to ration, things are moving along surprisingly well and I continue to feel good and feel like I am accomplishing a lot in terms of moving toward improving my habits & health. I took a few steps backward, but that’s okay, that’s life.
Things are continuing along well here. The boy and I walked the dogs last night (Bess is over at my mom’s so we only had 3. She goes over there for a day or so during the week so she gets more outdoors time as we no longer leave her outside when we aren’t home.) We had our kick off and official pedometer start yesterday afternoon for our “fit-n-fun” and I already got a lunch voucher – they handed out 2 for the people with the most steps and I had over 17000! So I am having a grilled chicken sandwich and side salad today – yum!
We have a lot of fun plans for the weekend – we may meet friends for dinner tonight, tomorrow we are helping a friend move, Sunday is yard work for the boys, groceries & food prep for me, and then we’re headed to the lake to clean the boat. I haven’t told my hub yet that he will be helping the boy with the yard work rather than me, but I don’t see him doing the food prep for the week! :-O
We were planning to go to a medieval event next month about 3 hours away. We really didn’t want to just head up for the day, so we asked our good friends R&M if we could stay at their place. Instead they paid our way for the entire weekend – cabin fee, entrance fee, and dinner Saturday night. I cried. The generosity and quality of friends … it just amazes me at times. I feel so lucky.
Anyway, despite the bad news earlier in the week and the need to ration, things are moving along surprisingly well and I continue to feel good and feel like I am accomplishing a lot in terms of moving toward improving my habits & health. I took a few steps backward, but that’s okay, that’s life.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Lunch box make-over
I've spent the past couple of days with a nasty tummy ache in the afternoon, so I made a few changes in ye olde lunchbox: removed mounds of raw celery, replaced lunch (baked chicken & veggies with sauce) with leftovers, removed pint of black tea (I have green with lunch anyway) and will drink water instead.
Had a very good workout this morning at the gym with the boy. Getting up wasn't TOO hard and we both had a good time - AND it wasn't crowded! Woo hoo!
Depsite the money stress, I'm doing good. I was really pooped last night so we went to the cafeteria, but I had a healthy (relatively) supper and didn't snack at all afterward. Tonight i plan to be swept away by Calgon! Long week - kinda tired, busy at work. But my mental outlook is really great.
I've spent the past couple of days with a nasty tummy ache in the afternoon, so I made a few changes in ye olde lunchbox: removed mounds of raw celery, replaced lunch (baked chicken & veggies with sauce) with leftovers, removed pint of black tea (I have green with lunch anyway) and will drink water instead.
Had a very good workout this morning at the gym with the boy. Getting up wasn't TOO hard and we both had a good time - AND it wasn't crowded! Woo hoo!
Depsite the money stress, I'm doing good. I was really pooped last night so we went to the cafeteria, but I had a healthy (relatively) supper and didn't snack at all afterward. Tonight i plan to be swept away by Calgon! Long week - kinda tired, busy at work. But my mental outlook is really great.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Lunch Loathing Land
(Do you know what Adam Sandler song the title is a play on?)
I chose poorly with my lunch this week, and it seems to be upsetting my stomach! Yesterday I left early with terrible stomach pain (after lunch), today I thankfully had the super duper Rolaids in my purse. It’s only baked chicken and frozen vegetables with sauce, but somehow the thought is mortifying. I wound up buying fried rice to go with it (what part I ate) and then half a turkey sandwich later when I was hungry.
It doesn’t help that I am short changing myself at my morning snack because my dipping sauce for my celery that I made up from a mix is so spicy even I can’t eat it! (That boggles my mind).
Hungry. Not happy with food choices. Tummy hurting. Thankfully, I have leftovers!
(Do you know what Adam Sandler song the title is a play on?)
I chose poorly with my lunch this week, and it seems to be upsetting my stomach! Yesterday I left early with terrible stomach pain (after lunch), today I thankfully had the super duper Rolaids in my purse. It’s only baked chicken and frozen vegetables with sauce, but somehow the thought is mortifying. I wound up buying fried rice to go with it (what part I ate) and then half a turkey sandwich later when I was hungry.
It doesn’t help that I am short changing myself at my morning snack because my dipping sauce for my celery that I made up from a mix is so spicy even I can’t eat it! (That boggles my mind).
Hungry. Not happy with food choices. Tummy hurting. Thankfully, I have leftovers!
Not freaking out
My run of unexpected financial outlays continues unabated. This one to the tune of $3400. Ouch. Beyond ouch. We have cancelled most of our October plans in an effort to economize.
I am using Galloway's beginning marathon program, starting next week. Basically, you go a long run once a week, increasing by 1 mile per week, starting at 2 miles.
Walking is going well, my blister is healing up nicely, and the boy and I are going to the gym today.
My run of unexpected financial outlays continues unabated. This one to the tune of $3400. Ouch. Beyond ouch. We have cancelled most of our October plans in an effort to economize.
I am using Galloway's beginning marathon program, starting next week. Basically, you go a long run once a week, increasing by 1 mile per week, starting at 2 miles.
Walking is going well, my blister is healing up nicely, and the boy and I are going to the gym today.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
The news was bad, but the world didn’t end
So, we are kicking off our “fit-n-fun” thing at the office this week. Today, I got to go to the nurse’s office to pick up my pedometer and get on the scale. The news was bad – I have gained every bit of the weight I had lost: 29.5 pounds. On someone only 5’2” tall, that’s a huge amount of weight. I guess I could’ve fallen into a vat of cheese dip, but I’d already had my pity party this past weekend, sp I was ready to move on.
I got up and walked (again) this morning, and even threw in a few spurts of running (amazingly slow running, but still…) The boy wants to start going to the gym a couple of afternoons a week, and I told him I wanted him to lend a hand with dog walking a couple of evenings a week. For now the plan is this: walk in the mornings, hit the gym 3 times per week (2 afternoons and once on the weekend). I’ll add in some intervals and up the intensity in the gym in a couple of weeks, but for now this is good. I threw any crap food that came home from vacation or got purchased by our house guest into the garbage this past weekend. Food is prepped and last night I got busy and forgot to go foraging for a snack until after 8. At that point I was a bit hungry (I’d eaten dinner early), so I had a Nutrigrain bar and a couple of wedges of laughing cow cheese. I am eating in a fashion similar to Body For Life, but I am trying to keep my calories in the 1500 range.
This sucks as I do feel a bit deprived, but once I get used to it I’ll be okay. This is what I have to do.
So, we are kicking off our “fit-n-fun” thing at the office this week. Today, I got to go to the nurse’s office to pick up my pedometer and get on the scale. The news was bad – I have gained every bit of the weight I had lost: 29.5 pounds. On someone only 5’2” tall, that’s a huge amount of weight. I guess I could’ve fallen into a vat of cheese dip, but I’d already had my pity party this past weekend, sp I was ready to move on.
I got up and walked (again) this morning, and even threw in a few spurts of running (amazingly slow running, but still…) The boy wants to start going to the gym a couple of afternoons a week, and I told him I wanted him to lend a hand with dog walking a couple of evenings a week. For now the plan is this: walk in the mornings, hit the gym 3 times per week (2 afternoons and once on the weekend). I’ll add in some intervals and up the intensity in the gym in a couple of weeks, but for now this is good. I threw any crap food that came home from vacation or got purchased by our house guest into the garbage this past weekend. Food is prepped and last night I got busy and forgot to go foraging for a snack until after 8. At that point I was a bit hungry (I’d eaten dinner early), so I had a Nutrigrain bar and a couple of wedges of laughing cow cheese. I am eating in a fashion similar to Body For Life, but I am trying to keep my calories in the 1500 range.
This sucks as I do feel a bit deprived, but once I get used to it I’ll be okay. This is what I have to do.
Monday, September 03, 2007
New shoes!
Got a huge amount accomplished around the house this weekend - I was a regular domestic diva! I feel good about that. I ate too much crap yesterday while watching tv - I was bored and I knew I was starting this fit-n-fun thing at work tomorrow. Not good reasons, but there you go. On a more positive note, I got new running shoes which I used every morning - Saturday, Sunday, and today. Woo hoo!
Got a huge amount accomplished around the house this weekend - I was a regular domestic diva! I feel good about that. I ate too much crap yesterday while watching tv - I was bored and I knew I was starting this fit-n-fun thing at work tomorrow. Not good reasons, but there you go. On a more positive note, I got new running shoes which I used every morning - Saturday, Sunday, and today. Woo hoo!
Friday, August 31, 2007
A sense of happiness
I had a very nice evening last night. I picked up beer & pizza for dinner, we watched part of "The Jerk" with Steve Martin, I had a nice soak in the tub, and then we watched a cheesy giant snake movie on sci-fi channel. I felt like I just relaxed.
It helped that the boy was picked up from school yesterday by grandpa and went to the beach. I have several days of quiet puttering around the house to myself - hub has to work tomorrow and then he has a side job that he plans to work on Sunday. I am working on Monday, but it will be quiet.
Now, tonight the goal is to have the same kind of evening without the pizza and beer! :-)
Have a good weekend!
I had a very nice evening last night. I picked up beer & pizza for dinner, we watched part of "The Jerk" with Steve Martin, I had a nice soak in the tub, and then we watched a cheesy giant snake movie on sci-fi channel. I felt like I just relaxed.
It helped that the boy was picked up from school yesterday by grandpa and went to the beach. I have several days of quiet puttering around the house to myself - hub has to work tomorrow and then he has a side job that he plans to work on Sunday. I am working on Monday, but it will be quiet.
Now, tonight the goal is to have the same kind of evening without the pizza and beer! :-)
Have a good weekend!
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Step away from the crazy woman
I guess its the lack of medicine - I have to say I am acting crazy. I am feeling so darn frustrated! Its nuts! I feel like I can't relax or focus. It's not good. Of course, things weren't good on the medicine either. I'm gonna give this 2 or 3 weeks - hopefully things will settle out.
I guess its the lack of medicine - I have to say I am acting crazy. I am feeling so darn frustrated! Its nuts! I feel like I can't relax or focus. It's not good. Of course, things weren't good on the medicine either. I'm gonna give this 2 or 3 weeks - hopefully things will settle out.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Monday, August 27, 2007
Fit and Fun – or fit in any case!
Every year the trifecta of vacation prep, vacation, and back to school means my physical fitness takes a real hit. And of course it is always difficult to get back into the groove. This year I have help – our department is doing a “Fit and Fun” competition, running from Sep 4 to Nov 12 (10 weeks).
Some highlights:
Weigh-ins will be confidential. The nurse will perform the weigh-in and only report the amount lost, not the total weight
Each pound lost will earn 10 points or every 7000 steps walked will earn 1 point, whichever is greater for the individual that week. Individual points will be totaled for the team.
Teams will be assigned after initial weigh-in to balance the total weight on each team.
Weigh-in and pedometer readings will occur each Monday, or the first day the individual is at work, each week.
Participation in JDRF will gain the individual double points for walking that week.
Mini-contests – rules and points will be announced with each contest.
The thing I really like is that you get the greater points of either walking OR weight – so, even if you are trying to lose weight, if you have a bad week on the scale you can still contribute to your team by walking. Also, even if you don’t need to lose weight you can still participate.
This aligns well with my intention to do a half marathon training program. My plan is to walk in the mornings this week, then next week add in weights, then the next week add in HIIT. I think I’ll do weights in the morning, it cuts into my running/walk days, but I’m afraid I just won’t go in the afternoons.
My feast went well this past weekend. Hub is home sick today, I feel bad for him. But we were so wiped that we did nothing yesterday, so I’m glad he’s home to put a dent in the mountain of dishes. Also, this is one more day my mom doesn’t have to drive over to pick up the boy from school. While she is doing quite well after her knee surgery last week, I’m glad she gets and extra day to take it easy.
I had a nice weekend. I had a good talk with hub last night – I am going off this medicine. I am not liking the way it makes me feel. Anger I can deal with. Lack of will to do anything I can’t.
Every year the trifecta of vacation prep, vacation, and back to school means my physical fitness takes a real hit. And of course it is always difficult to get back into the groove. This year I have help – our department is doing a “Fit and Fun” competition, running from Sep 4 to Nov 12 (10 weeks).
Some highlights:
Weigh-ins will be confidential. The nurse will perform the weigh-in and only report the amount lost, not the total weight
Each pound lost will earn 10 points or every 7000 steps walked will earn 1 point, whichever is greater for the individual that week. Individual points will be totaled for the team.
Teams will be assigned after initial weigh-in to balance the total weight on each team.
Weigh-in and pedometer readings will occur each Monday, or the first day the individual is at work, each week.
Participation in JDRF will gain the individual double points for walking that week.
Mini-contests – rules and points will be announced with each contest.
The thing I really like is that you get the greater points of either walking OR weight – so, even if you are trying to lose weight, if you have a bad week on the scale you can still contribute to your team by walking. Also, even if you don’t need to lose weight you can still participate.
This aligns well with my intention to do a half marathon training program. My plan is to walk in the mornings this week, then next week add in weights, then the next week add in HIIT. I think I’ll do weights in the morning, it cuts into my running/walk days, but I’m afraid I just won’t go in the afternoons.
My feast went well this past weekend. Hub is home sick today, I feel bad for him. But we were so wiped that we did nothing yesterday, so I’m glad he’s home to put a dent in the mountain of dishes. Also, this is one more day my mom doesn’t have to drive over to pick up the boy from school. While she is doing quite well after her knee surgery last week, I’m glad she gets and extra day to take it easy.
I had a nice weekend. I had a good talk with hub last night – I am going off this medicine. I am not liking the way it makes me feel. Anger I can deal with. Lack of will to do anything I can’t.
Friday, August 24, 2007
All's quiet in Dogland
The dogs have been getting along well all week. Bess is at mom's until Sunday, so we'll see what happens when she comes home. I did get an email from a lady that might be interested in Chyna - I invited her to come out & meet her. So, we'll see what happens.
I have more cooking & shopping to do, so I am taking a couple of hours off today. plus take our houseguest to the airport and check on my mom.
Hope you all have a good weekend!
The dogs have been getting along well all week. Bess is at mom's until Sunday, so we'll see what happens when she comes home. I did get an email from a lady that might be interested in Chyna - I invited her to come out & meet her. So, we'll see what happens.
I have more cooking & shopping to do, so I am taking a couple of hours off today. plus take our houseguest to the airport and check on my mom.
Hope you all have a good weekend!
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Please Friday, hurry!
The work week feels very ugh this week - still sort of unsettled. I started working on the feast last night so that Saturday isn't too crazy.
Bess is still at my mom's. She is doing much better. Things have been quiet at home with the dogs, we are in a weird holding pattern. I guess we'll see what happens when we bring Bess home. We can keep the dogs separated while we're away. I still have no answer.
I am eating much better, despite failing to prepare food for lunches this week. We did have pizza for dinner last night (I couldn't stand the thought of cooking one more thing), but did get soup in the crock pot for tonight. exercise will re-commence next week, that's the best I can do.
The work week feels very ugh this week - still sort of unsettled. I started working on the feast last night so that Saturday isn't too crazy.
Bess is still at my mom's. She is doing much better. Things have been quiet at home with the dogs, we are in a weird holding pattern. I guess we'll see what happens when we bring Bess home. We can keep the dogs separated while we're away. I still have no answer.
I am eating much better, despite failing to prepare food for lunches this week. We did have pizza for dinner last night (I couldn't stand the thought of cooking one more thing), but did get soup in the crock pot for tonight. exercise will re-commence next week, that's the best I can do.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Sadness
Yesterday while we were at work, Chyna attacked Bess. She has become increasingly aggressive with the other dogs lately. Hub came home to find Bess bloody, terrified, and wet. He rushed her to the vet. She'll be okay, but we have to find another place for Chyna. She's great with people, but not other animals.
I feel awful.
Yesterday while we were at work, Chyna attacked Bess. She has become increasingly aggressive with the other dogs lately. Hub came home to find Bess bloody, terrified, and wet. He rushed her to the vet. She'll be okay, but we have to find another place for Chyna. She's great with people, but not other animals.
I feel awful.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Cold nearly vanquished
The cold is nearly a distant memory. Yay for vitamins! The house is largely put back in order (other than the dining/project room) - a bit more to do but not too bad. I begin shopping today for the feast I am doing this weekend. I have picked a good (read relatively easy) menu, good people to help, and am getting lots of support. I am looking forward to it, but I am also very excited about lots of potential projects on the flip side!
One project I am looking forward to it running and exercise. I am still trying to figure out a schedule and get the house squared away plus this meal. But next week I am going to begin going back to the gym and walking 3 mornings a week. After that I want to start a running program. I think that will help keep me focused. I never finished my cooking for the week, resulting in a not super healthy lunch from the cafeteria, but I am going to work on that this evening.
I am cooking dinners again, so there's a victory!
The cold is nearly a distant memory. Yay for vitamins! The house is largely put back in order (other than the dining/project room) - a bit more to do but not too bad. I begin shopping today for the feast I am doing this weekend. I have picked a good (read relatively easy) menu, good people to help, and am getting lots of support. I am looking forward to it, but I am also very excited about lots of potential projects on the flip side!
One project I am looking forward to it running and exercise. I am still trying to figure out a schedule and get the house squared away plus this meal. But next week I am going to begin going back to the gym and walking 3 mornings a week. After that I want to start a running program. I think that will help keep me focused. I never finished my cooking for the week, resulting in a not super healthy lunch from the cafeteria, but I am going to work on that this evening.
I am cooking dinners again, so there's a victory!
Friday, August 17, 2007
Friday
I am feeling better - taking vitamins, getting plenty of rest, slowly moving the diet away from the beer & back to the veggies... ;-) I hope the hub gets some stuff done around the house this weekend. I have work to do, yes, but a lot of it is him re-packing stuff back into the garage for storage.
Because I now have a lot of crafty type projects I want to work on, I decided to start a livejournal to chronicle my efforts. I am mainly sharing it with SCA type folks I know, if you are interested, drop me a line & I'll send you the addy. No one in my 'real' life knows about this blog, and I prefer it that way. If someone finds it I wouldn't freak out or anything, but I'd prefer to keep it to myself.
I am not getting on the scale until next week. I have a plan for cleaning up the diet & getting back into the exercise (slowly). Because the hub has to be in to work so early, I have to take the boy to school every morning. So I may try hitting the gym in the am for workouts, doing HIIT in the afternoon, and using the other mornings I'm not lifting for running. Yes, running is back on the agenda. I am going to do a marathon training program. Not sure when I'll begin, but I realize how much I miss it. I may not go much past the 1/2 marathon length because I have to keep weight loss my focus, but I need the mental boost that running gives me and that I miss.
I have nothing planned for the month of September and I like it - especially since October is booked!
Have a great weekend!
I am feeling better - taking vitamins, getting plenty of rest, slowly moving the diet away from the beer & back to the veggies... ;-) I hope the hub gets some stuff done around the house this weekend. I have work to do, yes, but a lot of it is him re-packing stuff back into the garage for storage.
Because I now have a lot of crafty type projects I want to work on, I decided to start a livejournal to chronicle my efforts. I am mainly sharing it with SCA type folks I know, if you are interested, drop me a line & I'll send you the addy. No one in my 'real' life knows about this blog, and I prefer it that way. If someone finds it I wouldn't freak out or anything, but I'd prefer to keep it to myself.
I am not getting on the scale until next week. I have a plan for cleaning up the diet & getting back into the exercise (slowly). Because the hub has to be in to work so early, I have to take the boy to school every morning. So I may try hitting the gym in the am for workouts, doing HIIT in the afternoon, and using the other mornings I'm not lifting for running. Yes, running is back on the agenda. I am going to do a marathon training program. Not sure when I'll begin, but I realize how much I miss it. I may not go much past the 1/2 marathon length because I have to keep weight loss my focus, but I need the mental boost that running gives me and that I miss.
I have nothing planned for the month of September and I like it - especially since October is booked!
Have a great weekend!
Thursday, August 16, 2007
G'day!
Did I mention in our last post that a friend came home with us for a few days? This is his first trip to America, and I'm not sure hanging out in small town NC watching Discovery channel is exactly a good "look" at America, but there ya go.
The cold is improving - let's face it, when you spend 2 weeks camping in primitive conditions, your immune system is overwhelmed. Right now I'm working on accepting that my house is gonna be wrecked for the next couple of weeks until I get better and get past cooking this feast next Saturday.
I will post a few pics once I get the disk loaded onto the computer.
I had things nicely wrapped up prior to my departure, so I can ease back into things slowly this week, which worked out well. It's hard to get back into the swing of things, but 2 weeks of vacation really recharges the old batteries.
I've caught up on blogs, although I gave on reading old posts. I finished the Harry Potter book while I was gone. I really enjoyed it.
As any of you longtime readers know, we used to camp with a certain group when we went to Pennsic, and began camping with a new group last year. This was my second year in camp. Not all the folks were the same, but several were. After 2 years, I feel like these folks are much better friends than the ones we camped with before were. I made friends who I truly know are good friends. No matter how far away they may be, they are friends. That's the greatest thing IMO about the internet and email - the power to bring people together. Nothing replaces personal interaction, but it allows me to stay close to folks that live far away.
So, getting to know folks is my #1 good thing. My number 2 would be learning new skills. Of the 900+ classes offered, I made it to 4! I learned some embroidery, and got some great ideas for how to use it. I learned viking wire weaving, and how to make a viking apron dress. I learned more about various styles of medieval clothing than I thought my brain could hold. (I love the costuming part of this hobby!)
I worked, I played, I sweltered in the heat, joined a good friend's household, and got on staff for next year.
Okay, back to work!
Did I mention in our last post that a friend came home with us for a few days? This is his first trip to America, and I'm not sure hanging out in small town NC watching Discovery channel is exactly a good "look" at America, but there ya go.
The cold is improving - let's face it, when you spend 2 weeks camping in primitive conditions, your immune system is overwhelmed. Right now I'm working on accepting that my house is gonna be wrecked for the next couple of weeks until I get better and get past cooking this feast next Saturday.
I will post a few pics once I get the disk loaded onto the computer.
I had things nicely wrapped up prior to my departure, so I can ease back into things slowly this week, which worked out well. It's hard to get back into the swing of things, but 2 weeks of vacation really recharges the old batteries.
I've caught up on blogs, although I gave on reading old posts. I finished the Harry Potter book while I was gone. I really enjoyed it.
As any of you longtime readers know, we used to camp with a certain group when we went to Pennsic, and began camping with a new group last year. This was my second year in camp. Not all the folks were the same, but several were. After 2 years, I feel like these folks are much better friends than the ones we camped with before were. I made friends who I truly know are good friends. No matter how far away they may be, they are friends. That's the greatest thing IMO about the internet and email - the power to bring people together. Nothing replaces personal interaction, but it allows me to stay close to folks that live far away.
So, getting to know folks is my #1 good thing. My number 2 would be learning new skills. Of the 900+ classes offered, I made it to 4! I learned some embroidery, and got some great ideas for how to use it. I learned viking wire weaving, and how to make a viking apron dress. I learned more about various styles of medieval clothing than I thought my brain could hold. (I love the costuming part of this hobby!)
I worked, I played, I sweltered in the heat, joined a good friend's household, and got on staff for next year.
Okay, back to work!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
Sporty talk
I watched the Tour yesterday and actually didn’t do much else. My enthusiasm for work has remained spotty. Luckily, we are doing team building this morning, going out for lunch, and calling it a day. I should be home between 2 and 3, so I am in good shape in terms of packing. I did get up a bit early this morning and load the dishwasher and laundry.
I was reading an article yesterday in which NASCAR driver Greg Biffle spoke out rather strongly against that football player and dog fighting in general. He was a foundation which raises money for numerous animal charities, http://www.gregbifflefoundation.com/ If you are an animal lover, it seems like a very worthy organization. I’m glad when people use their fame to better the world we live in.
Speaking of which, I was very sad to hear about Wake Forest basketball coach Skip Prosser passing away. He spoke at a leadership conference my company had 3 years ago. He was a man that stood for hard work, education, and integrity. Never one to throw fits on the sideline, he was the kind of coach I’m sure his players remembered long after they left school and stopped playing ball other than in the driveway with the kids.
Only an hour left and I’m outta here! I dropped my car at the dealership this morning and my mom met me there and loaned me her VW. Hope they get it all squared away. I actually really enjoy road trips. And I haven’t cracked open the Harry Potter book yet, so I have that to look forward to tomorrow. Woo hoo!
Take care everyone!
I watched the Tour yesterday and actually didn’t do much else. My enthusiasm for work has remained spotty. Luckily, we are doing team building this morning, going out for lunch, and calling it a day. I should be home between 2 and 3, so I am in good shape in terms of packing. I did get up a bit early this morning and load the dishwasher and laundry.
I was reading an article yesterday in which NASCAR driver Greg Biffle spoke out rather strongly against that football player and dog fighting in general. He was a foundation which raises money for numerous animal charities, http://www.gregbifflefoundation.com/ If you are an animal lover, it seems like a very worthy organization. I’m glad when people use their fame to better the world we live in.
Speaking of which, I was very sad to hear about Wake Forest basketball coach Skip Prosser passing away. He spoke at a leadership conference my company had 3 years ago. He was a man that stood for hard work, education, and integrity. Never one to throw fits on the sideline, he was the kind of coach I’m sure his players remembered long after they left school and stopped playing ball other than in the driveway with the kids.
Only an hour left and I’m outta here! I dropped my car at the dealership this morning and my mom met me there and loaned me her VW. Hope they get it all squared away. I actually really enjoy road trips. And I haven’t cracked open the Harry Potter book yet, so I have that to look forward to tomorrow. Woo hoo!
Take care everyone!
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Europe's newest soap opera: "As the Tour Turns"
Okay, the doping scandal is getting insane. It's hard to appreciate someone's performance, when you are wondering whether he'll be kicked out the next day. Hmm.
I'm feeling better. Only in the office for 2 hours tomorrow (offsite for team building plus off after lunch. woot!), then free until the 14th. "No voice mail, no email, no worries."
Finished my sewing and got the kitchen stuff packed up last night. Tonight is all my costume stuff plus jewelry plus shoes plus personal hygene.... you get the idea. Then tomorrow its the little details.
Hub started packing the trailer last night. I put painter's tape over the opening in the sun roof (yeah, it's pretty small thank goodness) so we could pack it in the driveway. I think we are both feeling better now that the packing process is well under way. And I managed to fix dinner last night. Chicken and dumplings, couldn't find any vegetables. Hopefully we won't die of scurvy.
Tonight's dinner. Uh, cafeteria?
Okay, the doping scandal is getting insane. It's hard to appreciate someone's performance, when you are wondering whether he'll be kicked out the next day. Hmm.
I'm feeling better. Only in the office for 2 hours tomorrow (offsite for team building plus off after lunch. woot!), then free until the 14th. "No voice mail, no email, no worries."
Finished my sewing and got the kitchen stuff packed up last night. Tonight is all my costume stuff plus jewelry plus shoes plus personal hygene.... you get the idea. Then tomorrow its the little details.
Hub started packing the trailer last night. I put painter's tape over the opening in the sun roof (yeah, it's pretty small thank goodness) so we could pack it in the driveway. I think we are both feeling better now that the packing process is well under way. And I managed to fix dinner last night. Chicken and dumplings, couldn't find any vegetables. Hopefully we won't die of scurvy.
Tonight's dinner. Uh, cafeteria?
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Laughter is the best medicine
It's a little warm outside, but I took a walk with my good friend/walking buddy. She is a very spiritual person, so she is good to talk to when your soul hurts. After we'd both talked about serious stuff, we used the last bit to laugh. The sunshine, the birds, the view of the lake... yeah, there are mean people everywhere, but good ones too. Sometimes we just need to get up out of the cube & talk to a friend.
It's a little warm outside, but I took a walk with my good friend/walking buddy. She is a very spiritual person, so she is good to talk to when your soul hurts. After we'd both talked about serious stuff, we used the last bit to laugh. The sunshine, the birds, the view of the lake... yeah, there are mean people everywhere, but good ones too. Sometimes we just need to get up out of the cube & talk to a friend.
A tired and troubled heart
I try to keep things in perspective, although I freely admit I don’t always succeed. I’ve tried to stay positive even though I spent $1250 on car maintenance yesterday, even though my sun roof won’t close all the way and it has rained every day and night here lately, even though we can’t pack for vacation because we can’t secure the loaded trailer in the garage because we have to keep the car there (see sun roof). These are the annoyances of life in modern America, and I am trying to keep them in perspective.
But I still feel vaguely overwhelmed by the amount of prep and packing that must be done. I am probably blowing it out of proportion, but being limited in what I can do makes it hard to keep perspective.
Sometimes my hobby can be a pain in the butt. I am the treasurer for the state, and sometimes I get tired of dealing with folks that don’t want to follow the rules (hello, they are IRS rules, not Me rules) and then make out like the people enforcing the rules are jerks. I get tired of the politics of it all, but I largely enjoy it and I realize that if competent people don’t step up and do the difficult jobs then we won’t continue to exist. But sometimes when I am tired it feels like a pain in the butt.
And I get down because bad things happen in the world. I am disappointed by the latest scandal rocking the cycling world, but I have to say this thing with the NFL player troubles me a lot. If he is guilty of the charges against him (and it sure does sound like the charges against him are rock solid), then he is a truly evil man. So why do we revere people like that and pay them millions of dollars? I know the world isn’t a fair place, but sometimes the cruelty seems like more than the human heart should have to bear.
I realize this is a pretty down post, I just felt the need to dump some of this sadness and tiredness. I know we will get packed and we will go on vacation and we will be with good and loving people. I wish I could make the world clean, I guess all I can do is take care of my little corner.
Hugs to you all.
I try to keep things in perspective, although I freely admit I don’t always succeed. I’ve tried to stay positive even though I spent $1250 on car maintenance yesterday, even though my sun roof won’t close all the way and it has rained every day and night here lately, even though we can’t pack for vacation because we can’t secure the loaded trailer in the garage because we have to keep the car there (see sun roof). These are the annoyances of life in modern America, and I am trying to keep them in perspective.
But I still feel vaguely overwhelmed by the amount of prep and packing that must be done. I am probably blowing it out of proportion, but being limited in what I can do makes it hard to keep perspective.
Sometimes my hobby can be a pain in the butt. I am the treasurer for the state, and sometimes I get tired of dealing with folks that don’t want to follow the rules (hello, they are IRS rules, not Me rules) and then make out like the people enforcing the rules are jerks. I get tired of the politics of it all, but I largely enjoy it and I realize that if competent people don’t step up and do the difficult jobs then we won’t continue to exist. But sometimes when I am tired it feels like a pain in the butt.
And I get down because bad things happen in the world. I am disappointed by the latest scandal rocking the cycling world, but I have to say this thing with the NFL player troubles me a lot. If he is guilty of the charges against him (and it sure does sound like the charges against him are rock solid), then he is a truly evil man. So why do we revere people like that and pay them millions of dollars? I know the world isn’t a fair place, but sometimes the cruelty seems like more than the human heart should have to bear.
I realize this is a pretty down post, I just felt the need to dump some of this sadness and tiredness. I know we will get packed and we will go on vacation and we will be with good and loving people. I wish I could make the world clean, I guess all I can do is take care of my little corner.
Hugs to you all.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Vacation, anyone?
Ugh. I am toast. Worked hard this weekend, still a lot to do. I’d be in better shape except I took last night off. Sunday my sun roof quit working. The good news is it’s still under warranty. While there they are doing my 60,000 mile service. Found a couple of belts that needed replacing AND that I needed a brake job. $1200. After spending $300 on a new axle for the trailer last week. People, if we bleed any more money we’ll be vacationing in the back yard. Which would be the responsible thing to do except we might eat one another if we don’t go on vacation.
Work is busy, the house is kinda messy, packing is in various stages, and I am ready for a break.
Ugh. I am toast. Worked hard this weekend, still a lot to do. I’d be in better shape except I took last night off. Sunday my sun roof quit working. The good news is it’s still under warranty. While there they are doing my 60,000 mile service. Found a couple of belts that needed replacing AND that I needed a brake job. $1200. After spending $300 on a new axle for the trailer last week. People, if we bleed any more money we’ll be vacationing in the back yard. Which would be the responsible thing to do except we might eat one another if we don’t go on vacation.
Work is busy, the house is kinda messy, packing is in various stages, and I am ready for a break.
Friday, July 20, 2007
It’s beginning to look at lot like pennsic, all around the house
Drifts of fabric cover the dining room. Camp chairs with a nearly finished paint job dry on the dining room table, away from curious puppy noses. The car must relocate from the garage as the hub begins to inspect, pack and stage gear for Sunday when we load the trailer. Grocery lists must be made. A trip to the dollar store for garbage bags, tin foil, and all the other thinks you need for 2 weeks of primitive camping.
Ahhhh, vacation, how I long for you!
Drifts of fabric cover the dining room. Camp chairs with a nearly finished paint job dry on the dining room table, away from curious puppy noses. The car must relocate from the garage as the hub begins to inspect, pack and stage gear for Sunday when we load the trailer. Grocery lists must be made. A trip to the dollar store for garbage bags, tin foil, and all the other thinks you need for 2 weeks of primitive camping.
Ahhhh, vacation, how I long for you!
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Drive by blogging
I have halved the amount of medicine I am taking and am feeling much more myself. Work is busy, home is beyond busy, and a couple of things (people, situations) are trying to drive me nuts (luckily, most of that is hobby and not work related). I am counting down until vacation, trying to convince myself to save the new Harry Potter book for the trip, and slowly ticking things off my list. My list is long, but most of the project type stuff will be wrapped up by Sunday. After that is last minute purchases, meal planning, and packing. The trailer gets loaded Sunday. The last minute stuff will go in the car.
I am keeping up with blogs, but even I don’t want to read about my obsessive list writing or angst over what size cooler to buy.
I’ll be here intermittently until I leave for vacation a week from Saturday!
I have halved the amount of medicine I am taking and am feeling much more myself. Work is busy, home is beyond busy, and a couple of things (people, situations) are trying to drive me nuts (luckily, most of that is hobby and not work related). I am counting down until vacation, trying to convince myself to save the new Harry Potter book for the trip, and slowly ticking things off my list. My list is long, but most of the project type stuff will be wrapped up by Sunday. After that is last minute purchases, meal planning, and packing. The trailer gets loaded Sunday. The last minute stuff will go in the car.
I am keeping up with blogs, but even I don’t want to read about my obsessive list writing or angst over what size cooler to buy.
I’ll be here intermittently until I leave for vacation a week from Saturday!
Friday, July 13, 2007
Poor neglected blog
The closer vacation gets, the more I feel like I have too much to do. While it has improved, my lack of motivation is preventing me from being as productive as I can be under more normal circumstances.
Not much to say. I am managing to cook every other night, the gym is a distant memory, and I am ignoring emails from my personal trainer. The funny thing is that I don't feel like I've "fallen off the wagon" or anything - I know this is a short term situation. of course, post vacation/ start of the school year is always hectic as well. looks like a rough ride between now & Labor Day.
Have a good weekend.
The closer vacation gets, the more I feel like I have too much to do. While it has improved, my lack of motivation is preventing me from being as productive as I can be under more normal circumstances.
Not much to say. I am managing to cook every other night, the gym is a distant memory, and I am ignoring emails from my personal trainer. The funny thing is that I don't feel like I've "fallen off the wagon" or anything - I know this is a short term situation. of course, post vacation/ start of the school year is always hectic as well. looks like a rough ride between now & Labor Day.
Have a good weekend.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Gag order
Most of my life I have walked a fairly narrow straight and narrow. A mixture of fear, guilt, and paranoia have kept me pretty close to the beaten path. I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing really. Being afraid of potentially bad consequences is a pretty nifty survival mechanism. While it means I probably won’t quit my day job to go study in Tibet, I probably won’t try an illegal drug either.
Like I said, my doctor warned I might experience side effects the first couple of weeks. The interesting thing about Celexa is the voice inside my head I’ve always referred to as my “inner jewish mother” has been silenced. The result has been interesting. Without that nagging voice, I haven’t felt compelled to cook every night, keep the house uber tidy, go to the gym, wash my face before bed… you get the idea. I haven’t bought a motorcycle or quit my day job, but not only have I been blowing off “obligations” - I’ve felt no guilt about doing so.
This has been a truly eye opening experience. No one has told me I’m a bad person, the earth hasn’t stopped turning – life is still going on pretty much as it always has. The weight of all that “should” has been enormous – with that gone for a few days I can see that. I do think the pendulum has swung too far in the other direction. I really don’t want to live with the consequences of making this a lifestyle. I can feel that the pendulum is beginning to head back in the other direction. I am a bit relieved to feel honest – making yourself do stuff you don’t want to without that inner nag is hard work. But the quiet has been restful.
Most of my life I have walked a fairly narrow straight and narrow. A mixture of fear, guilt, and paranoia have kept me pretty close to the beaten path. I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing really. Being afraid of potentially bad consequences is a pretty nifty survival mechanism. While it means I probably won’t quit my day job to go study in Tibet, I probably won’t try an illegal drug either.
Like I said, my doctor warned I might experience side effects the first couple of weeks. The interesting thing about Celexa is the voice inside my head I’ve always referred to as my “inner jewish mother” has been silenced. The result has been interesting. Without that nagging voice, I haven’t felt compelled to cook every night, keep the house uber tidy, go to the gym, wash my face before bed… you get the idea. I haven’t bought a motorcycle or quit my day job, but not only have I been blowing off “obligations” - I’ve felt no guilt about doing so.
This has been a truly eye opening experience. No one has told me I’m a bad person, the earth hasn’t stopped turning – life is still going on pretty much as it always has. The weight of all that “should” has been enormous – with that gone for a few days I can see that. I do think the pendulum has swung too far in the other direction. I really don’t want to live with the consequences of making this a lifestyle. I can feel that the pendulum is beginning to head back in the other direction. I am a bit relieved to feel honest – making yourself do stuff you don’t want to without that inner nag is hard work. But the quiet has been restful.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
The annual pre vacation freak out
I am hoping the side effect of not giving a darn about anything is beginning to wear off now that I have been on this new medicine a bit over a week. I am trying to care. The past week has been interesting – I’ve failed to exercise, eaten crap, and really truly haven’t felt any sort of remorse or guilt. Unfortunately, I haven’t cared about anything – housework, cooking, you get the idea. I read a lot of books. This weekend I picked myself up by the boot straps and am trying to get back on track. I haven’t lost my temper though – I just think the pendulum swung too far the other way.
I have gobs to do before pennsic – catching up on email this morning I started feeling panicky. I have a lot going on. I’m trying not to freak out. I need to sit down and make a list. I think just knowing would help.
Anyway, doing alright. A little scattered – maybe I will be tracking better tomorrow.
I am hoping the side effect of not giving a darn about anything is beginning to wear off now that I have been on this new medicine a bit over a week. I am trying to care. The past week has been interesting – I’ve failed to exercise, eaten crap, and really truly haven’t felt any sort of remorse or guilt. Unfortunately, I haven’t cared about anything – housework, cooking, you get the idea. I read a lot of books. This weekend I picked myself up by the boot straps and am trying to get back on track. I haven’t lost my temper though – I just think the pendulum swung too far the other way.
I have gobs to do before pennsic – catching up on email this morning I started feeling panicky. I have a lot going on. I’m trying not to freak out. I need to sit down and make a list. I think just knowing would help.
Anyway, doing alright. A little scattered – maybe I will be tracking better tomorrow.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Just weird
This has been an odd week. I definitely think it’s the new medicine – my mom said she felt nauseated for a week (but it passed). The doctor said it might be a bit odd for a week or two. I’ve been a bit agitated or restless, haven’t felt like doing a whole lot (not good), but haven’t felt bad either. I go back on the 23rd – I’m hoping she’s right & that I’ll adjust after a week or two. It is beginning to dissipate. And to be honest, I don’t know how much is pre-pennsic freak out over how much I need to do.
This has been an odd week. I definitely think it’s the new medicine – my mom said she felt nauseated for a week (but it passed). The doctor said it might be a bit odd for a week or two. I’ve been a bit agitated or restless, haven’t felt like doing a whole lot (not good), but haven’t felt bad either. I go back on the 23rd – I’m hoping she’s right & that I’ll adjust after a week or two. It is beginning to dissipate. And to be honest, I don’t know how much is pre-pennsic freak out over how much I need to do.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
With Fridays like these, who needs Mondays?
Exhibit 1: Friday, June 22. My mom leaves for Florida, leaving me her sporty new car. Check engine light comes on: $570.
Exhibit 2: Friday, June 29. I get home from gym. None of the plumbing in the entire house works. Mr. Roto-plumberguy has to “hydroscrub” the pipe from the house to the street, replacing the cover that is missing from the access thing (and is the source of the lawn waste that caused the problem): $550.
Ouch.
I worked from home Friday while the saga of the plumbing played itself out. I never got to the office, never got on a scale. I’ve just been a bit forlorn the past couple of days. Off the Wellbutrin, started in the Celexa. I’ll keep you posted.
Exhibit 1: Friday, June 22. My mom leaves for Florida, leaving me her sporty new car. Check engine light comes on: $570.
Exhibit 2: Friday, June 29. I get home from gym. None of the plumbing in the entire house works. Mr. Roto-plumberguy has to “hydroscrub” the pipe from the house to the street, replacing the cover that is missing from the access thing (and is the source of the lawn waste that caused the problem): $550.
Ouch.
I worked from home Friday while the saga of the plumbing played itself out. I never got to the office, never got on a scale. I’ve just been a bit forlorn the past couple of days. Off the Wellbutrin, started in the Celexa. I’ll keep you posted.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Mea culpa, food police
Last night, healthful eating took a back seat. After my workout I realized I was really hungry and wasn’t feeling good, so I decided to eat some extra carbs. Dinner was a small baked chicken breast and a can of Chef Boyardee 99% fat free ravioli. My evening snack was a beer (a real one!) and 2 low fat string cheeses. Veggies? I’ll eat extra today. Wednesday night is frequently a mid week “cheat” so I don’t go ballistic – its more mental than anything else, but it helps get me through that mid week slump.
I feel better this morning. I also experimented with my protein shakes – the banana was NASTY. Sorry, I just am not a banana fan. My chocolate shake has half a cup of milk, half a cup of coffee, and a packet of stevia (an all natural sweetener I highly recommend). I added a peach alongside the breakfast shake. The vanilla has orange/mango juice. I know it’s better to eat your fruit, but it’s at least all natural not from concentrate juice. I have a tomato/ okra medley and steamed broccoli to go with lunch. Dinner is chicken adobo in the crock pot (for the record, this is my 5th night in a row of chicken), roasted red potatoes and steamed broccoli. It’s back to the N/A “beer” tonight.
Here is a link to an interesting article on processed foods from MSN:
http://health.msn.com/dietfitness/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100164969>1=10109
I recently purchased a cookbook from Amazon called “Dee’s Mighty Cookbook”. To learn more about the book or the author, check out her website: http://www.centerforprocessedfreeliving.org/ In a nutshell, her recipes use no sugar or flour, and focus on eating minimally processed foods. I am making a couple of recipes next week – they sound excellent! While I’m not sure I could completely eliminate these foods from our diet (see last night’s rendezvous with Chef B.), these meal ideas certainly seem a good way to start. If I could get to 85% I’m sure it would help protect out health. I’m probably at 70% already, but I’m always on the lookout for new ideas & recipes to keep it fresh.
Someone posted a comment to the effect of “no way I could do that!”. For me, it’s not truly difficult. I’m not really hungry (although my tummy is growling when it’s time for my next shake!) and since I’m having a dinner I enjoy, I don’t feel deprived. And honestly, sometimes this whole pre-planning pre-packing gets old, and shakes make that whole thing a lot easier. Laziness occasionally outweighs my need for variety. ;-)
Having said all that, I’m going back to food next week so I don’t go insane. I’m thinking something like this:
B: 6 chopped almonds, ½ cup cottage cheese, and frozen mixed berries.
S: half a grilled chicken breast and vegetables
L: baked salmon and veggies
S: half a grilled chicken breast and a piece of fruit
D: misc, but this is where I will have a carb since I work out in the afternoon
S: ?
I can live with that for 6 days!
This Saturday is the last one we will be going anywhere until Pensic. I am looking forward to being home for a month, even if I will be busy getting ready.
And believe it or not, I’m looking forward to getting the family truckster back this weekend. I must be getting old if I’m looking forward to swapping a sporty convertible for my minivan. The key word in that sentence is “my”, for I am truly a creature of habit.
I went to the gym after work yesterday and did an interval workout. I’m feeling a lot better, but my energy is still kinda low. I walked again this morning and I’m lifting weights this afternoon. I’ll only get in 2 interval workouts this week I’m thinking, but I did add a couple of walks. Hopefully next week I’ll be 100% again.
Tomorrow I will give a scale report. I’m really hoping to see some change for the good!
Last night, healthful eating took a back seat. After my workout I realized I was really hungry and wasn’t feeling good, so I decided to eat some extra carbs. Dinner was a small baked chicken breast and a can of Chef Boyardee 99% fat free ravioli. My evening snack was a beer (a real one!) and 2 low fat string cheeses. Veggies? I’ll eat extra today. Wednesday night is frequently a mid week “cheat” so I don’t go ballistic – its more mental than anything else, but it helps get me through that mid week slump.
I feel better this morning. I also experimented with my protein shakes – the banana was NASTY. Sorry, I just am not a banana fan. My chocolate shake has half a cup of milk, half a cup of coffee, and a packet of stevia (an all natural sweetener I highly recommend). I added a peach alongside the breakfast shake. The vanilla has orange/mango juice. I know it’s better to eat your fruit, but it’s at least all natural not from concentrate juice. I have a tomato/ okra medley and steamed broccoli to go with lunch. Dinner is chicken adobo in the crock pot (for the record, this is my 5th night in a row of chicken), roasted red potatoes and steamed broccoli. It’s back to the N/A “beer” tonight.
Here is a link to an interesting article on processed foods from MSN:
http://health.msn.com/dietfitness/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100164969>1=10109
I recently purchased a cookbook from Amazon called “Dee’s Mighty Cookbook”. To learn more about the book or the author, check out her website: http://www.centerforprocessedfreeliving.org/ In a nutshell, her recipes use no sugar or flour, and focus on eating minimally processed foods. I am making a couple of recipes next week – they sound excellent! While I’m not sure I could completely eliminate these foods from our diet (see last night’s rendezvous with Chef B.), these meal ideas certainly seem a good way to start. If I could get to 85% I’m sure it would help protect out health. I’m probably at 70% already, but I’m always on the lookout for new ideas & recipes to keep it fresh.
Someone posted a comment to the effect of “no way I could do that!”. For me, it’s not truly difficult. I’m not really hungry (although my tummy is growling when it’s time for my next shake!) and since I’m having a dinner I enjoy, I don’t feel deprived. And honestly, sometimes this whole pre-planning pre-packing gets old, and shakes make that whole thing a lot easier. Laziness occasionally outweighs my need for variety. ;-)
Having said all that, I’m going back to food next week so I don’t go insane. I’m thinking something like this:
B: 6 chopped almonds, ½ cup cottage cheese, and frozen mixed berries.
S: half a grilled chicken breast and vegetables
L: baked salmon and veggies
S: half a grilled chicken breast and a piece of fruit
D: misc, but this is where I will have a carb since I work out in the afternoon
S: ?
I can live with that for 6 days!
This Saturday is the last one we will be going anywhere until Pensic. I am looking forward to being home for a month, even if I will be busy getting ready.
And believe it or not, I’m looking forward to getting the family truckster back this weekend. I must be getting old if I’m looking forward to swapping a sporty convertible for my minivan. The key word in that sentence is “my”, for I am truly a creature of habit.
I went to the gym after work yesterday and did an interval workout. I’m feeling a lot better, but my energy is still kinda low. I walked again this morning and I’m lifting weights this afternoon. I’ll only get in 2 interval workouts this week I’m thinking, but I did add a couple of walks. Hopefully next week I’ll be 100% again.
Tomorrow I will give a scale report. I’m really hoping to see some change for the good!
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Don’t judge me
Desperate times call for desperate measures etc etc. I have come to a radical decision, one borne out of frustration. It may deprive me of my sanity, but that’s a small price to get the scale moving, right???
This week I am eating 1 meal and 1 snack per day – the other 4 feedings are protein shakes. High quality protein plus either milk or water and fruit. I have 2 veggies to go with my lunchtime shake (greens and raw tomatoes today). Dinner is just a regular healthy meal and I am having a small evening snack – 2 low fat string cheeses and a small portion of carb. Because the shakes are roughly 250 calories each, I can have a sensible dinner (oh my god I sound like a slim fast commercial) and a small snack (160 calories) and come in under her 1500 calorie cap. I’ll only do this for 6 days and then on the 7th eat normally. I may alternate weeks – I suspect I’ll get sick of protein shakes pdq, but it’s a way to make sure I stay in my calorie range.
I went to the gym yesterday & had an excellent workout. I got up this morning and walked – this afternoon I am hitting the gym. The house is pretty clean and I am actually feeling somewhat caught up. My mom’s check engine light is off, although I couldn’t get the top up this morning. I sure hope it doesn’t rain today!!!
Is it Friday yet?????
Desperate times call for desperate measures etc etc. I have come to a radical decision, one borne out of frustration. It may deprive me of my sanity, but that’s a small price to get the scale moving, right???
This week I am eating 1 meal and 1 snack per day – the other 4 feedings are protein shakes. High quality protein plus either milk or water and fruit. I have 2 veggies to go with my lunchtime shake (greens and raw tomatoes today). Dinner is just a regular healthy meal and I am having a small evening snack – 2 low fat string cheeses and a small portion of carb. Because the shakes are roughly 250 calories each, I can have a sensible dinner (oh my god I sound like a slim fast commercial) and a small snack (160 calories) and come in under her 1500 calorie cap. I’ll only do this for 6 days and then on the 7th eat normally. I may alternate weeks – I suspect I’ll get sick of protein shakes pdq, but it’s a way to make sure I stay in my calorie range.
I went to the gym yesterday & had an excellent workout. I got up this morning and walked – this afternoon I am hitting the gym. The house is pretty clean and I am actually feeling somewhat caught up. My mom’s check engine light is off, although I couldn’t get the top up this morning. I sure hope it doesn’t rain today!!!
Is it Friday yet?????
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
I may be a gym slackard, but my kitchen is clean!!!
So, yesterday was a sort of lost cause – I didn’t get to work until 11, which meant I was here until pretty late. So I skipped the gym, went home & ate supper, then started on cleaning the kitchen. This morning I slept in a bit, got up, and finished the kitchen. I elected not to go to the gym because 1) I had to leave early to get my mom’s car to the dealership because the check engine light is back on again!!! and 2) I wanted my kitchen clean.
I am going to the trainer this afternoon – he is updating my measurements & body fat. Not super excited – I expect to be underwhelmed by my progress. It’s 4 and a half weeks until vacation and I am miserable about my weight. Ugh.
I could use some advice. I have curves you see – a small waist relative to my hips. I have a tough time finding clothes that are made for my figure. Any ideas? Recommendations? My doctor suggested Talbot’s – like I can afford that!
So I have to get up every day the rest of this week and get to the gym to get in my 3 interval workouts. We have to leave the house by 6:30 Saturday to head to Asheville, so I doubt I’ll make the gym that morning. I’d like to, but it’s not realistic. Between the doctor, my mom’s accursed car, and the gym, I am feeling majorly crunched for time this week. Who has time for a full time job?????
So, yesterday was a sort of lost cause – I didn’t get to work until 11, which meant I was here until pretty late. So I skipped the gym, went home & ate supper, then started on cleaning the kitchen. This morning I slept in a bit, got up, and finished the kitchen. I elected not to go to the gym because 1) I had to leave early to get my mom’s car to the dealership because the check engine light is back on again!!! and 2) I wanted my kitchen clean.
I am going to the trainer this afternoon – he is updating my measurements & body fat. Not super excited – I expect to be underwhelmed by my progress. It’s 4 and a half weeks until vacation and I am miserable about my weight. Ugh.
I could use some advice. I have curves you see – a small waist relative to my hips. I have a tough time finding clothes that are made for my figure. Any ideas? Recommendations? My doctor suggested Talbot’s – like I can afford that!
So I have to get up every day the rest of this week and get to the gym to get in my 3 interval workouts. We have to leave the house by 6:30 Saturday to head to Asheville, so I doubt I’ll make the gym that morning. I’d like to, but it’s not realistic. Between the doctor, my mom’s accursed car, and the gym, I am feeling majorly crunched for time this week. Who has time for a full time job?????
Monday, June 25, 2007
Catching up
Friday was pretty crazy – the check engine light came on in my mom’s new-to-her car, so I had to take it in to the shop. She took my minivan to Florida, so I was left with the Cabrio. A sensor had to be replaced, as did the serpentine belt. Ouch. We drove it to our medieval event this weekend (1 hour west) and then to a party (1 hour east). Hub said it was cute but that Germans need to put more cup holders in their cars, and if I ever decided to get a convertible, to please get an American one so he’d have a place to put his coffee. (You see his priorities).
I am still a snot factory, but the output has significantly diminished. I’m feeling pretty good. Saturday was super busy, but hub didn’t have to work and was able to go with me – that was really nice. Sunday I went to the gym and lifted weights. Our house is not totally clean, but that seems to be an ongoing condition.
This morning I went to the doctor. She is taking me off the Welbutrin and changing to Celexa, which she thinks will be more appropriate. She is doing some blood work to check my thyroid etc, but basically said “eat 1200 calories a day.” Ouch! I’ll keep you posted on how that works out. Ugh.
Anyway, good weekend overall. Not too thrilled with the new eating regime – not sure how that will work.
She also told me to go buy some nice clothes for this weight!
Friday was pretty crazy – the check engine light came on in my mom’s new-to-her car, so I had to take it in to the shop. She took my minivan to Florida, so I was left with the Cabrio. A sensor had to be replaced, as did the serpentine belt. Ouch. We drove it to our medieval event this weekend (1 hour west) and then to a party (1 hour east). Hub said it was cute but that Germans need to put more cup holders in their cars, and if I ever decided to get a convertible, to please get an American one so he’d have a place to put his coffee. (You see his priorities).
I am still a snot factory, but the output has significantly diminished. I’m feeling pretty good. Saturday was super busy, but hub didn’t have to work and was able to go with me – that was really nice. Sunday I went to the gym and lifted weights. Our house is not totally clean, but that seems to be an ongoing condition.
This morning I went to the doctor. She is taking me off the Welbutrin and changing to Celexa, which she thinks will be more appropriate. She is doing some blood work to check my thyroid etc, but basically said “eat 1200 calories a day.” Ouch! I’ll keep you posted on how that works out. Ugh.
Anyway, good weekend overall. Not too thrilled with the new eating regime – not sure how that will work.
She also told me to go buy some nice clothes for this weight!
Thursday, June 21, 2007
If you really loved me, you’d hire a maid
Housework? Pah! I am too sick to clean. I am too sick to do anything other than sit in my chair, watching Star Trek and feeling pathetic. I have no energy, and feel too pitiful to care that my house is a mess. Thankfully, the hub is beginning to recover. He was able to get up this morning and take out the trash and run the dishwasher (bless him). I slept in, got up and puttered about, and was able to toss a load of dirty clothes in the washer (this involved taking unfolded clean clothes and dumping them on the bed, picking dirty clothes up off the floor, and sorting them), get my stuff out of my car (my mom is taking it to Florida tomorrow), and getting ready for work. My hair is up in a clip and make-up is sketchy, but my shoes match. I have no sick time and I am loathe to waste a vacation day for just a cold.
The gym will have to survive without me today. I am scheduled to lift weights tomorrow, but I hope we can keep it low key. Saturday is a long day full of stuff, I hope I am feeling better. Hub did seem to improve after a couple of days. I totally indulged in carbs last night (pierogies make me feel better! And beer makes me not care I feel like crud!), but fear not, I packed my lunch today. Whoopy doopy doo.
Housework? Pah! I am too sick to clean. I am too sick to do anything other than sit in my chair, watching Star Trek and feeling pathetic. I have no energy, and feel too pitiful to care that my house is a mess. Thankfully, the hub is beginning to recover. He was able to get up this morning and take out the trash and run the dishwasher (bless him). I slept in, got up and puttered about, and was able to toss a load of dirty clothes in the washer (this involved taking unfolded clean clothes and dumping them on the bed, picking dirty clothes up off the floor, and sorting them), get my stuff out of my car (my mom is taking it to Florida tomorrow), and getting ready for work. My hair is up in a clip and make-up is sketchy, but my shoes match. I have no sick time and I am loathe to waste a vacation day for just a cold.
The gym will have to survive without me today. I am scheduled to lift weights tomorrow, but I hope we can keep it low key. Saturday is a long day full of stuff, I hope I am feeling better. Hub did seem to improve after a couple of days. I totally indulged in carbs last night (pierogies make me feel better! And beer makes me not care I feel like crud!), but fear not, I packed my lunch today. Whoopy doopy doo.
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