Things I believe (or don’t)

1. You know how you can believe something intellectually, but your heart just doesn’t buy in to it? This is one of those: Either I no longer believe that changing my eating habits and increasing my exercise will lead to weight loss, OR I believe I am incapable of doing so.

2. I believe your hobby should be fun. I’ve lost all the fun bits and seem to be left with the administrative crap.

3. Life should be a mix of good & bad, stress & joy. With my husband working 7 days a week, there isn’t much of the joy around these days.

4. The thought of finding time to send out holiday cards shouldn’t make you tear up.

At this meeting last Saturday, 2 of the groups I oversee in this state were placed on probation. One understood that their reporting hadn’t been up to par and that we are a 501(c )3 corporation and are required to maintain a certain level of financial reporting in order to meet IRS rules. The other had a big hissy and are acting like babies and feel like they are being persecuted (their word). To make it worse, my counterpart from the president’s office is married to the president of this branch and is being a bit micromanaging IMO. So that is adding a lot of suck to my life right now.

I just feel utterly helpless in the face of my weight. Helpless. I truly feel like I have no control over my eating or exercising or health. And that is not a good way to feel. I’m sure its largely a function of the stress I’m under, but the effect it is having on me is terrible. But I can’t seem to figure out how to deal with things. I just feel like I am a victim of my own life.

I have no answers – heck, I’m too scared to get on a scale right now.