Dear Santa

If I could only have 1 item (I'm not talking "good health" or "love"), I mean item, I would please like a TARDIS. No one would get use out of it than me, I swear. I'd even save the world and stuff, in addition to keeping my house tidy, my family fed with organic healthful meals, and fulfilling my SCA duties. I really would! (But I'd do a better job if I could have a cute side kick. Just saying.)

If I can also get one of those more nebulous "wish" type gifts, then please don't let me be poisoned from licking the envelopes that came with my holiday cards. I know they were from China, but I didn't have a moist sponge. Could you maybe help me out with that one? Thanks!

That is all.