Binge

A couple of days ago, Katie over at Runs for Cookies wrote this:

"During a binge, I felt okay because I just didn't care about anything in that moment. Afterward, however, I felt so much self-hatred for it. There was never a part about binge eating that actually made me HAPPY. It either numbed me or made me hate myself."

I have binged the past 2 days - for the first time in months. Cheese of course. I'm not sure why. I find this to be a troubling development that requires some serious reflection.

I'm okay, but concerned.

Take care.

Ugh

A half hour meeting ran nearly an hour over - didn't get to the gym at lunch.  T's healthcare cost is going up 480% next year. We can't speak French or I might consider fleeing to the great white North. Funny not funny. Ugh. Calgon take me away.

Thanksgiving Weekend Wrap-Up

Well hello!

I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving. We did. My son and I agreed that we had enjoyable days (and meals) but it wasn't the same as what we normally have. Having said that, I didn't spend hours cooking and cleaning! We took our pies, enjoyed our visit, and came home with no leftovers.

Saturday mom and Jan came over - they loved the dog scarves I made for them. We had a nice meal and did a bit of decorating - T was tired and ended up taking a nap!

Yesterday we deep cleaned the kitchen, to include emptying and cleaning the fridge and freezer. It was long overdue, and the kitchen looks much better. After that I worked on more dog scarves for the grandpuppies and T worked on the yard. By the time we sat down last night we were exhausted! I barely made it into the shower, and I finally gave up trying to watch my beloved Steelers - I only made it until halftime.

I got the trees & wreaths out of the barn. We aren't going to do any major decorating in the living room until we've done some deep cleaning in there. T isn't excited about the prospect, but agrees that it needs to be done. So that's on the agenda for next weekend. I guess it's weird to be doing "spring cleaning" in the winter, but it'll be nice to have it done.

I have a lot to say - about food & exercise, finances, Susie and her continued destructive habits, but I'm going to save those for later posts.

Take care.

Tday minus 1

Remarrying means melding family traditions into a way that works. We've both made some changes in how we celebrate the holidays compared to before we were together. For Thanksgiving, it has been simpler to simply let go of "my" family celebrating it in any way that looks traditional.

If I were to make the meal the way I've done in years past, I wouldn't have time to go to T's family holiday. And why? We have essentially the same meal at Christmas, my son won't be here, so why do all that work for just mom and ex-MIL?

Tomorrow morning I will get up and make the pumpkin pie (T is making apple) - that's what were bringing to the potluck. Easy, not a bunch of work, no leftovers. Then we'll watch football and I'll work on some of my sewing.

I had an adorable fabric I intended to use to make throw pillows for mom and Jan for their birthdays, but now I've misplaced the fabric so I am going to make little dog kerchiefs for them both instead. Here is one from Amazon very similar:

I am making a set for my grandpuppies as well, so pretty much dog scarves for everyone! Huzzah! Lol

Anyway, since their birthdays are both the week after Thanksgiving, they are coming over Saturday and we are celebrating that instead. And we'll decorate for Christmas. I have a strict "no Christmas until after Thanksgiving" rule, but I do love to start decorating the weekend after T-day.

I am in the office today - I came in for an afternoon meeting that was cancelled. BUT I'M NOT BITTER. Ahem.

Anyway, if I don't post tomorrow, have a lovely holiday.

Take care.

Oldies

I was reading through my blog (March of 2005) and came across this: “I am ready to just be a woman instead of the large woman. I am ready to be a triathlete instead of the fat chick doing a triathlon. I am ready to be a runner instead of the fat woman out jogging to lose weight.”

Yes.

Depression is hard

No, not mine. I'm not depressed, occasionally mildly stressed but that's about it. T has always struggled with depression, and being unemployed is difficult enough without that. Sometimes it makes him not the nicest person to be around. And sometimes I get frustrated (like today). For example, he's been talking about working in the yard for a couple of months, including today. But when I pressed him about it he got all pissy.  But he's out doing some of it, and it looks much nicer, and weather wise it's a good day to get out and get some fresh air. I know he will feel better for having made progress, but sometimes pushing him is a pain.

Thanks for the good words Karen. I think we all have times when we're "bleh" - that's okay. I'm less quick these days to try and fix or cover them up with food.

I'd like to leave you with a good article: What self care really means

Have a great weekend!

Blah

I am feeling pretty blah today. No specific reason, just general blah. Here is a picture from retrorenovation that I thought was adorable!

There is something about vintage holiday decor. I love holiday decor anyway, but vintage just feels extra homey to me.

Have a good weekend!!

Thursday

I feel like I oversnacked last night - by 300 or so calories. So not a lot but enough to stall progress. Ugh.

I'm okay, very busy day. Will squeeze in 120 kettlebell swings and call it good.

Wednesday

Happy Wednesday!

Obedience class went pretty well last night.  Susie was very nervous, but seemed to be settling down by the end. There were only 3 dogs in the class, so that is a very good thing! Even though we were both tired and weren't feeling it, I'm so glad we did this!

I went to the gym and did HIIT on the elliptical. 5 minute warm up, followed by 5 HIIT intervals (30 seconds all out, 90 seconds recovery), then 5 minutes cool down.  I had the resistance up and I went all out on those intervals, so even though it was only 20 minutes I feel like I got in a very good workout.

Food is fine:

B: 1/2 a wrap with 2 eggs, ultra think slice of cheddar, and a slice of spam.
S: yogurt
L: kim chi fried raice (1/4 c rice, mostly veggies), slaw, and roasted veggies with ranch
S: apple and boiled egg
D: leftover beef stroganoff and veggies

Not too much to say. Tired.

Take care.

Tuesday randomness

Happy Tuesday!

My friend may be getting out of the hospital today!  Long story short: there is an outbreak of hand, foot & mouth (which is a virus) in her area.  A couple of the kids picked it up, she got it, and they think it seriously kicked her butt. That plus dehydration plus the NSAIDs which triggered an ulcer. Doctors are hoping that re hydration plus food plus treating the touch of pneumonia she's picked up will do the trick.

My ex MIL has been really sick and FINALLY got in to see the doctor this morning.  She has diverticulitis. Mom went with her to the doctor because she knew J wouldn't wear her hearing aid (she didn't) and that she probably wouldn't remember/ follow what the doctor said. They sent her home with antibiotics and she is going back next week.

I am doing okay. I went to the gym today and did 120 kettlebell swings plus the Fusion Foundation class. Turns out by "fusion" they mean yoga & Pilates. Only there were no Pilates.  Oh well, I moved around!!

I know I've written about our dog Susie and her destructive ways. She gets bored when no one is home. We are doing walks every evening and car rides.  I think I am going to start getting up and walking her in the morning as well. Obedience classes start tonight.  Wish us luck!

(She looks so innocent doesn't she???)

And I thought I would share this website I found: Fifty Fierce  I haven't read too much but so far I am enjoying it.

Okay, I hope you have a great day!!

Back to the grind

Good morning.

I hope you had a good weekend.  Well, my friend is still in the hospital. I went over and did some laundry and light housework, watched the little ones, and saw a million episodes of "Sofia the First". They will don't know what is wrong - they've done a million tests and I know she is getting SO frustrated. I hope she is on the mend soon.

Mom came down with a mild case of food poisoning Saturday night - the boy was uber busy (but no side trip - a friend that lives near the auction site went for him, so that worked out). Upshot was not a single walk on the beach. That's it - I'm deprived and I'm afraid I will just have to go back :-)

Lunch & snacks are packed, headed to the gym in an hour or so.  Back to the routine.

Take care.

Happy Veteran's Day

I am having a very bleh day. Had a frustrating experience with a credit card company - got it straightened out but just frustrating. My son wants to make a quick side trip tomorrow while we are down there - not realizing it's a 4 hour one way trip not 2 hour. I am babysitting tomorrow for friends - wife is in the hospital and they have no idea what's wrong (very concerned). And my ex MIL is sick so mom and I will probably have to take her dogs with us to the beach.

Nothing major - just a lot of little hassles, you know? Groupon is having a $10 off your purchase sale today, so I paid $2 for a groupon for a tour of a local place that makes cider. It's the tour plus tasting plus 2 pint glasses to take home. Since we both like cider it seemed like a fun little something we could do close by.

I lost a half pound this week, which isn't breaking any land speed records but I continue in the right direction! 3 weeks in a row baby!!!

Have a good weekend.  If you served, thank you.

Thursday

Sorry, no catchy title today.

It's been a busy day at work and I needed to use my lunch hour to run errands.  Yesterday I worked at home and I used my non commuting time to do some food prep for my son & his girlfriend. Mom and I are headed down to Wilmington this weekend to visit.

I am starting to get ready for the holiday season. I have several ideas for gifts that are sewing projects - I am excited to work on them. I love the holidays and I love that T loves them too. My ex always hated the holidays - and his depression/glum coupled with his need to get a crap ton of gifts made it less fun for me. Now I can enjoy them with complete abandon! :-)

I'm doing okay. I good friend is really sick - she's been sick over a week and they 'think' she has a virus, but she's at the hospital for the second time in a week.  I'm going to head over and babysit for a while so her husband can run some errands Saturday morning - they live near my son. They've got 5 kids so I know it's been a mad house.

Anyway, we are doing well.  Oh - yesterday while I worked from home I made myself a standing desk and used it most of the day. I loved it! They are talking about maybe getting them for us at work, that would be cool. It was so nice to not sit all day. I moved around a lot more.

Take care.

"There are plenty of difficult obstacles in your path. Don't allow yourself to become one of them." - Ralph Marston

Good morning.

Yesterday when I got to the gym, 2 of the 3 ellipticals were in use. I decided to do a workout video instead. (I don't like working out right next to someone, weird, I know.)  I did the 20 minute basic kettlebell video - there weren't a lot of kettlbell moves in it, but it was enough a good basic workout. Add to that two 12 minute walk breaks and then we walked the dogs in the evening (maybe 10 minutes?). That adds up to about 55 minutes of intentional exercise - not too shabby!

Last night I used a leftover baked potato skin to make loaded baked potato skins - a little cheese, some bacon bits, green onions, and less than a tablespoon of light sour cream. I had those and 1 beer while watching football.  Dinner was the tamale casserole with roasted zucchini.

Breakfast today was 1/4 of a chorizo link, 1 egg, and 1/2 a whole grain wrap.  (Breakfast was 165 calories - too small, so I added 12 almonds when I got to work). Here is what I've packed for the day:

A cup of chili, a big salad, 2 apples, a boiled egg, and some dressing. I used 1 T of store bought kalamata olive dressing which I stretched by adding juice off the pepperoncinis. Not pictured are the 12 almonds (I keep a small bag in my desk and portion them out).

Dinner tonight is Korean tacos with kim chi slaw. Basically marinated beef with kim chi slaw. It's a really yummy recipe - I'm looking forward to it!

Take care.

Routine is liberating

"Routine is liberating, it makes you feel in control. A paradox, isn't it? You think your routines are controlling you, but in fact you're using the routine to give you power."

Friday exercise: 2 x 10 minute walk breaks at work, 25 minutes on the elliptical to include 6 x 15 second HIIT intervals. HIIT intervals not only serve to break up time spent on ye olde hamster wheel, but I think it also makes it a more effective workout.

My exercise goal is to work up to 90 minutes per day, 6 days per week.  Yes, that is A LOT. But think of it this way: I work up to 2 x 15 minute walk breaks at work plus a 30 minute workout at lunch. I've just gotta add 30 more minutes - walking the dog in the morning or evening. (We already started walking the dog some evenings this week). When you break it up into 4 different sessions, it isn't such a big deal. And that's what helped me last time I was successful: I worked out in the morning, walked at lunch, and worked out in the evening while my son was either at tae kwon do, or walked while he was at the reading tutor. I did several bouts of exercise per day, did a longer session one weekend day, and took a day off.  I need to replicate that.  Right now it's just a matter of deciding how much to add and what to add. I want to add kettlebells back in, maybe some weight lifting, and I really want to get in some swimming!

Here's the food I packed today:

The salad has roasted brussel sprouts and beets, plus an oil and vinegar dressing on the side. That is a Thai flavored soup with turkey meatballs and some noodles.  Not pictured are 2 bottles of tea and the almonds that will go with one of the apples for a snack. Breakfast was half a whole grain wrap with a single serving of guacamole and an egg. Dinner tonight is a meatless tamale casserole.

Change of plans

When I called T to let him know I was on the way home, he told me he'd forgotten to thaw the steaks and that they were frozen solid.  My suggestion was to thaw the spaghetti (meat) sauce we'd planned to eat tonight and save the steaks. So last night was spaghetti and tonight will be steak. Even a month ago we might have been tempted to just go out. Maybe that was the response he was hoping for - I dunno. I do know that eating at home is not only cheaper, but it's SO much easier for me to stay on track.

Other than dinner, the rest of my food is the same as yesterday except sub out leftover Asian meatball soup for the potato leek at lunch.

I've lost 3 pounds over the last 2 weeks, which feels like a pretty good rate.

I thought I'd share this image - I really like the message:

I'd also like to share an article I read on CNN. It's about a follow-up study on people who had been on the Biggest Loser, and differences between the groups that kept off weight and those that did not: Biggest Loser Study

The interesting take away from the study (to me) is that diet is more critical while losing weight, but it isn't enough to keep it off - you need to incorporate a good amount of regular exercise, which meshes with what I read on the blogs of maintainers. Even if their activity is regular movement and not planned exercise per se, they are still physically active. To that end, I am trying to stand more at work, take walk breaks, and exercise at lunch most days.

We will be out of the house most of the day Sunday for a business meeting of our re-enactment group - the meeting is 2 hours away. Ugh. We are both officers and I wasn't there last month due to the Georgia trip, so I really need to go. So Saturday is going to be slam full.

Have a wonderful weekend!

You haven't come this far just to come this far.

This is a photo of what I jokingly called the "5000 pound salad."  It has half a head of romaine, cucumbers, roasted zucchini, chickpeas, 3 bean salad, cherry tomatoes, beets, I don't remember what else! It was really good!

Food today:

B: 2 eggs and a slice of ultra thin sliced colby jack in half a whole wheat wrap.
S: A packet of Carl Budding lunch meant
L: The giant salad and the last of T's homemade potato leek soup
S: 100 cal greek yogurt
D: steak, baked potato, roasted brussel sprouts, sauteed mushrooms.

Speaking of dinner, I was rather disappointed in last night's recipe - it is getting voted off the island! Not nearly as good as our other Asian meatball recipes. Oh well, you don't know unless you try.

I noticed today that it is getting easier to walk around the building on breaks. At the gym I incorporated a few short HIIT intervals into my 25 minute workout. I am beginning to feel lighter.

Things are changing.

Just start. Then don't stop.

So this was breakfast today:

Sorry, I forgot to snap the picture before I chopped it up.  It's 2 eggs, 1/4 link of chorizo (just enough for flavor) and an individual serving cup of the Tableside brand chunky guacamole. 268 yummy calories. I also had a cup of coffee (2 T half and half plus a splash of unsweetened almond milk).

I stopped and bought 2 bags of candy on the way home last night - we had 3 sets of trick or treaters. They were adorable! We had maybe a third of the candy left - it is going to work tomorrow.

I've been blogging here for a very long time, and reading blogs even longer. When I first started reading, there weren't too many out there. I loved the sense of community they created. We read each other's posts, commented, and really shared our experiences.

Today so many blogs feel overly curated - professional grade pictures of just so outfits and food, more sponsored posts, less posts about actual feelings or life. There are blogs that are clearly written for the reader - and there are blogs that the author is using on their own journey but choose to share. I write and personally prefer the latter, but I feel like they are becoming an endangered species. That's why when I find a truly heartfelt blog or post (like yesterday), I want to share it.

This year I bought a Jarrahdale pumpkin from the farmers market for pie making. This picture doesn't do justice to it's blue green color - it's less gray in person. It will be cooked this weekend!

The post I shared yesterday really resonated with me - I get motivated relatively often, but determination has been lacking.  Right now I am focusing on cultivating that quiet determination. It's easy to get discouraged when I realize how much weight I have gained or how much fitness I have lost. Going to the gym and doing something - even if I am holding off on the classes to give my back a break - is non-negotiable. If I don't feel like it, I just acknowledge the feeling and go anyway. Putting my food into SparkPeople feels like a bit of a game. And when I plan in advance, I know my food for the day fits into my parameters.

Right now I am very fired up and my husband is not. I am trying not to nag, but to be a good example and to make it easy for him if he wants to go to the gym. I am planning and making healthy meals, Today I served homemade potato leek soup and a big salad with homemade dressing for lunch. No asking what he was in the mood for - just "I am cleaning out the fridge and here is what we are having." He enjoyed it. When we were out running errands, I steered him toward the healthy snack section with me (I had a string cheese, he got a cheese slice & salami combo snack pack) rather than the candy bars.

I don't want to nag, but I know he needs this change as much as I do. Maybe if I take him along for some of the ride, he will pick up steam on his own. And if not, well, at least it's some progress.

Tonight's dinner is this recipe: Lemongrass chicken meatballs in broth. I thought it sounded really good - I've been on a meatball kick lately, and this will be the third Asian meatball I've tried. The last 2 have been fantastic and both T and my son have loved them - as have I. Using ground chicken or turkey makes them healthier.

Take care.