Monday I forgot my gym bag. I've regularly left my water cup somewhere because the water & ice machine is across from the bathrooms, and I go in and run into someone and tell them I'm leaving and we get into a big discussion and then I get back to my desk and realize I've forgoten my cup.... Today I packed my lunch and left it at home.
Also, there were no boxes. And I feel like I have a ton to pack up and do. Like I said, I am leaving Satuday after dinner to spend the night with my step sister before driving to the beach house Sunday. Then hub and I come back the next Sunday and Monday he loads the moving truck (because we have a little bit of furniture plus some misc. stuff left in the garage) while I'm at work. And then after work we drive to Jacksonville, then onto NC the next day (Tuesday). Then we unload everything and we both go to work the next day (Wednesday).
So I feel a little overwhelmed and stressed. And then there's my emotions.
Everyone keeps saying "Aren't you so excited!" or "Aren't you so happy!" and yes, I am both of those things. But as my mom put it so well "It isn't that simple."
I tend to angst over past decisions, because we all know how productive THAT is, right? So I ask myself whether we made the right decision to move to Florida? And did I make the decision for the right reason? (Because let's be honest, I made the decision). And does the primary breadwinner get to be selfish and keep their comfortable, well paying job that they don't really want to leave even if it means moving the family? Was I being lazy and selfish? Did I fail my family, because this move was tough for both of them?
And am I a failure because it didn't work out? Am I a failure because moving back means taking a job that is a contract position (although with benefits and a high likelihood of turning into a regular full time job - this is the way the lady likes to hire people, by hiring them as a contractor first)? Am I a failure because I am taking a 20% pay cut, even though we thankfully can afford for me to do that?
See, these are the things you think when you were raised by a father that acts like the worst stereo types of a jewish mother and who always made you feel like you were never quite good enough....
And with no family here to care for, has my self care crossed over the line into self absorption?
ugh....
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
it's called 'buyer's remorse', and it happens sooner or later with EVERY major decision/move in life. Part of being human.
p.s. no decision is irrevokable. Worse comes to worse, you could move back. Maybe not get the old job back, but nothing is permanent unless you want it to be. There is always a safety hatch somewhere, somehow, if you need it.
This is all just part of the adjustment period. Take a few moments here or there...light a candle, poor a nice drink of your choosing, turn on some soft music, close your eyes, breathe. Nurture yourself. This move is a big deal, and you need to nurture yourself through it. :)
You are understandably overwhelmed.
Deep breathes! You are being led to this new job, you know in your own gut, with no one elses opinion, that it is right for you. Go for it!
Trust yourself! Rock and Roll!
Understandable to be feeling as you are, it is a time for adjustment ...I'm sure all will be well.
Take Care
All the best Jan.
Post a Comment