More of the same

Just a quick post.  Volunteering yesterday was good, although after doing a few hours of landscaping I was wiped out!  I worked at home for the afternoon because I was pretty grubby.  But it was a nice chance for the team to get together and do something meaningful.  Also, we have several new folks so that gave us a nice chance to get to know each other a bit.

It's really nice having my husband back home and my mom here.  This weekend I am going to get together some packing supplies and mom is going to pack up some of my china & glassware that we don't use regularly - I think I am going to go ahead and send it back to her house. 

Other than that, we are going to go to the beach Sunday morning.

Have a good one!

Good morning

(Picture taken at Everglades Nat'l Park.) Included for no special reason.

Good morning.  My family got home safely last night.  I had miscellaneous leftovers that I pulled out of the freezer and fed everyone.  Cheaper than takeout!

Sorry for the down post yesterday - its just hard when you find yourself in a frustrating place with no easy way clear.  Sometimes just saying that helps.

Today our team is volunteering at a local transitional home for veterans.  We actually volunteered at this same place 2 years ago and remembering that has me a bit down.  My friend a co-worker M was with us that day.  I miss her and I wonder how her 2 kids are doing.  They were both still in elementary school when she died.  I didn't know anyone who died in NY on this day, although there were 11 people from our company who did (they worked in an office in one of the Towers).  But I have lost loved ones and friends, and maybe its enough to remember those people we love and miss today.

Anyway, fridge is cleaned out (its trash day) but the house... well, needs a bit of work.  I have to pick up cucumbers on the way home.  They weren't on my list so I didn't pick them up when I stopped yesterday.  I don't know what I would do without my lists!

We are going to be working outside, but only for half a day. Then we'll do lunch and then I will come home, piddle around the house, and sign in for a bit.

Hope you have a good day.

Good morning

Hello there.  I was perusing a couple of blogs while eating breakfast and I wanted to share this post with you:

http://www.thegreatfitnessexperiment.com/2013/09/comparing-my-weaknesses-to-your-strengths-why-i-am-so-insecure-and-also-why-i-love-pnk.html

It describes really well something I've been experiencing lately - a feeling of frustration when I read blogs.  Like these people have it all together and I am a mess.  And the problem isn't them - it's me, and not feeling good about myself or my circumstances.

The solution is also me, and I am working on it.  But it's hard, you know?  Change can be very hard, and very scary, not matter what your age.  And all the platitudes in the world like "what does not kill us makes us stronger" don't stand up very well in the face of not being able to take care of your family.

Okay, serious thoughts over - time to get to work!

Of fruit, veg, & the weekend

This weekend I really didn't do a whole lot, but in a good way.  I went to a couple of grocery stores for necessities, but I decided to hold off on buying certain things until right before hub & my mom get here (tomorrow evening). That way some stuff would be fresher.

I did get out yesterday in the morning before it got too warm to get some fresh air & sunshine, which was nice.  I sat by the pool & read.

Today I got up early and cleaned the kitchen, made some salad dressing for my salads, and made myself a green drink.

So, 2 servings of fruit (half a banana and about a cup of frozen mixed fruit) and 3-4 cups kale (I count that as 2 servings of veg since its leafy, although it was smushed down).

Breakfast was 2 deviled eggs and a cup of tea.

Lunch is 1/5 cups chopped fresh tomato, a large chopped cuke, and a cup of chick peas with salad dressing.  I will buy a bunch of leafy greens to dump it over.  I think its safe to call that 4 servings of vegetable. 

For snack I have 4 of the mini clementines, so 2 more fruit.  I will also have a few raw almonds.

That gets me to 4 fruits and 6 vegetables - pretty good!

Dinner tonight will be leftovers and probably another raw salad or maybe a few brussels roasted in the toaster oven (I hate to heat up the whole house for just me). 

I am using the fitness center at work today - upper body weights, cardio, and maybe some yoga.  I plan to go by Costco after work - I need a new set of sheets and some vegetables and I hope to get a bit of housework done this afternoon when I get home.

Have a good day!

Happy Saturday

Ok, if I were going to eat my feelings away, it wouldn't be with that meal! Ha ha ha.

Hope your Saturday is going well.  Hub and MIL got on the road at 6 am.  I fed myself & the dogs, hit a couple of grocery stores, came home, veged in front of the tv a bit, got in the pool for a while, and took a nap.

This afternoon is stormy and I am doing nothing.  I planned on doing a bit of sewing but honstly I don't feel like it.  I have a couple more errands to run, which I will probably take care of tomorrow.  I also have some food prep tomorrow.

I don't know whether I will get to the sewing - we'll see.  Right now I am just enjoying the quiet.

Thankfully, some habits have held up

 

Thankfully, some good habits have held up in spite of stress and that has made a big difference.

 

I drink loads of water.

 

I eat plenty of vegetables and fruits.  I have continued to pack my breakfast and lunch (see pictures above).  A homemade turkey burger with salsa for breakfast (why yes, I do have an unnatural love of mexican food), a salad of 1/2 cup chick peas, some diced chicken breast, cucumber, green beans, and so many tomatoes they needed their own container) and 4 of the world's smallest clementines (I would normally eat 2 but there were the size of golf balls!).  I made lima bean soup in the crock pot for dinner last night. 

 

I have continued to use the fitness center every day I am at the office.  This morning hub helped me walk the dogs.

 

So yes, I still have lots of stress, but these things help anchor me.

A bit of progress

A few years ago, I began having issues with sleep.  I could go to sleep just fine, I couldn't stay asleep.  As a result, many nights (like 2-3 a week a week on average) I would wake up around 2 am and be up for at least 2 hours - sometimes 3.  I would sit quietly and read until I got tired.

Looking back, I realize that was the turning point away from some good habits and a slow creep of 10 or so pounds in my weight.  I was generally waking up at 5 or 5:30, going for a walk/run, and then later in the day doing weights or maybe some sort of class at the Y.

When you are crawling back into bed at 4:30, you don't get up at 5.  My 6 day a week habit turned into a 2-3 day a week habit. Exercise and energy went down, eating stayed the same.

Melatonin helped, but didn't cure the issue.  Thankfully it finally just seemed to go away on its own.  Considering all the stress I've been under, I am just grateful for this blessing.  It still happens, but very infrequently.  One thing I still do which helps me sleep more deeply (and therefore stay asleep) is spray my pillow with an essential oil before I go to bed.  I have a spray bottle and I mix a few drops of organic lavendar oil with water and use that to spray my pillow.  Lavendar isn't my fav scent, but its an oil that is supposed to help you relax (and I don't dislike the smell).  It really works - I can tell I am sleeping more deeply because I feel more rested and I have really vivid dreams! (A sign of good, deep sleep).

Naturally, sleep and I experienced a temporary break-up last Thursday.  I was back to my old habit of reading 3 hours in the middle of the night.  It's made for an exhausting few days.

Once I got the good news, I realized that I'd been operating on adrenelin and I was exhausted!  So the past couple of nights I have gone to bed early and tried to pay my body back on the sleep it needs.

Yesterday I got up early, showered, pack lunches (and my breakfast), and went to work.  I hit the fitness center for upper body weights and a 2 mile walk.  When I got home yesterday I was really wiped out.  I took my MIL to JoAnn fabric, but it was a quick trip since I needed to fix supper. 

At one point I was so tired I literally took a sort of stagger/step and she remarked "What's wrong with you?  Did you go to a gym?"  UGH!  I said "Yes, but that's not why I'm tired.  I'm catching up on some sleep."  Luckily she didn't say anything else.

When I ate lunch yesterday I made a point of going to the cafe and buying at least 2 cups of leafy greens to add to the salad I brought from home.  I think I paid around seventy cents and it added a nice serving of leafy greens to my day. 

A couple of goals

Here is a list of a very few short term goals I have committed to.  These are not weight loss goals -   they are stress reduction goals.  I will add more, but for now I want to keep the list short and get the biggest bang for my proverbial buck.

1.  Have a green drink every day.  What does this have to do with stress reduction?  I have been under serious, constant stress since January 13, 2011.  Stress is stress, whether it is physical (cycling the Tour de France) or emotional (death of a family member).  Stress strains your body, making it importnat to maximize the micronutrients you give it.  (You probably know this.)  

My basic green drink contains 1 cup mixed frozen fruit (Costco), 1 frozen banana, 4 cups kale or spinach, and water.  I might add a dash of lemon juice, chia or flax seed, or any odd fresh fruit that needs using up.  I split this with my husband.

The reason:  I need more leafy greens in my diet, and kale is about the pinnacle.  This is a micronutrient powerhouse.

2.  Walk the dogs regularly.  This falls by the wayside because I can't walk both at once and sometimes my husband wusses out and I feel guilty just walking one.  I have asked him to help me with this one.

The reason: Obviously, fresh air, sun, getting out of the house, and a bit of exercise.  But mostly because I love our dogs and making them happy and being with them makes me happy.  

3.  Spend a couple of hours each weekend intentinally doing something I enjoy.  How freaking sad is it that I even have to add this to a list?  But yes, this is what it's come to. 

Things that don't count: organizing, cleaning, or cooking.  Yes, they can bring me pleasure from getting them done, but these are also chores.  Also watching tv or reading  abook.  Don't get me wrong - I love to read and I read every day.  But reading (like tv) is a passive, sit in a chair, escape.  It isn't actively engaging my creative juices or phyically moving. 

Things that do count; riding my bike, going somewhere fun (beach, thrift shop, whatever), sewing, embroidery, learning something new that engages my brain and creativity.  There are other things I am sure I will come up with, but you get the idea.  Carve out some time to get in touch with my creative self.

That's it for now.

A long overdue update, and a slight change in focus

That's kinda been things around here lately.  I get the basics done, but I haven't had a lot left over.  For one, just my MIL being here has been a bit stressful.  I know I've (whined) talked about her, but also to help you understand, my husband and his older brother were raised by their grandparents, so they just don't have the same kind of relationship most kids have with their mother.  Anyway, he is taking her home Saturday and I get my privacy back.

To make matter worse, I had a bit of a health scare this week.  I will explain.  A while back, a certain "weight loss" blogger I read talked about having to go in for a second mammogram due to things on the first one being unclear.  Another weight loss/fitness blogger questioned (on her own blog) whether it really happened because she claimed to have gotten the results back so quickly.  I'm here to tell you (since I now have learned), that when you have a questionable mammogram, shit goes down FAST (thank god).

Last Thursday I received a letter from the hospital asking that I come back in for further imaging.  Even though the next sentence reads "Most findings are benign (NOT CANCER)", it doesn't matter.  The words could be in red moving flames instead of all caps and it wouldn't matter.  Your heart stops.  Your heart does not re-start.  Your life freezes.

So, letter came Thursday evening.  I called Friday and scheduled an appointment for Tuesday (this) morning.  That left me 3 very long days to wait once I had the appointment.  They told me to expect to be there 2-3 hours because I would have my results before I left.  I can't speak for all places, but clearly they treat you special when you have to come back.  I had a 7:30 am appointment.  By 7:45 they were doing another set of mammograms.  By 8:15 they were doing ultrasounds.  By 8:45 I was back in for 1 for mammo image by dr request.  By 9:15 I had my results - all clear, regular mammo next year.  Thank god and I am so thankful for the speed and sensitivity of the hospital staff.

That left me 3 days to think, seriously think.  That's what I want to share now.

Here's the thing: I can do pretty much what I want - I am not particularly limited in any way by the 20-25 pounds I want to lose.  SCUBA, snorkeling, mountain biking - I am pretty fit and not so overweight that it is a true hinderance.  Sure, I wish I looked better in clothes, but honestly, I have had so much stress in the last 2.5 years that a few extra pounds just didn't seem like a huge deal.

I've struggled to figure out how to cope and how to help my family cope with the stress, so I have turned to my old friend: food.  And it has (mostly) worked.  And thankfully I don't eat so much or so out of control that I have gained a large amount of weight.  Maybe 5 pounds? 

But: food isn't an answer and lately I have been feeling like this solution has been working less and less and I haven't found any other way to deal with stress.  These last few days caused me to really look at things and realize that I HAVE to find a way to manage my stress.

Do I still want to lose some weight?  Yes.  But frankly my stress levels are a bigger issue than the pounds, and by managing the one the by product should be the loss of the other.  For that reason I am going to change the focus of this blog to stress reduction/ management.

For one, I plan to blog here more often.  For two, I hope to be more honest about some stress I haven't talked too much about.  I don't use my real name or those of my family on this blog.  I have never named where I worked or any person on this blog.  I hope that I have kept some anonymity.  I am going to talk a bit more openly about some stressors, but I plan to keep certain details fairly generic.  I realize I don't blog for swag, profit, or even to attract readers.  So I doubt I have a bunch of people out trying to "find" me, but nevertheless, I try to be a bit discreet about personal details.  I hope anyone reading understands.

Also, I will probably continue to post exercise and recipes, but I also want to write about other efforts at stress reduction, and I hope I can use this as a reminder and support for myself.  Frankly, I don't need some crazy fascist schedule or plan, or anyone (including myself) cracking a proverbial whip on my back and berating me (myself) when I don't stick to it.  I need support, not guilt.  Guilt hasn't worked.  It's turned me into a stressed out mess.

So that's it. 

Be well. 

Ketchup

This morning I made bbq sauce. Not because I am cheap (although that is true) but because we haven't found a commercial sauce that we like, forget about one that has a list of acceptable ingredients. So I have a recipe, its very good, easy to make, and a bottle lasts a month or so in the fridge.


ANYWAY. My recipe calls for 1.5 cups of ketchup. I buy expensive ketchup with no HFCS and I thought to myself  "Darn, thats nearly a whole bottle of ketchup, just to make bbq sauce." So I decided to make my own ketchup. I made it as a stand-alone so I could check the flavor. It was awesome. And cheap! So if your family uses a lot of ketchup, I encourage to to try your hand at making your own. I'm a convert!

This is the recipe I used.  I have no idea where I found it - I've had it written down on a scrap of paper for ages.  I just put the ingredients into a pot and let it simmer around 15-20 minutes.  The taste is much fresher and brighter than regular store bought, but it doesn't have any strong flavor so I think it would be good for kids as well as adults.

Enjoy!

6 oz can tomato paste
1/4 c honey
1/2 c white vinegar
1/4 c water
3/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp onion powder
1/8 tsp garlic powder

My expiration date was Tuesday

Okay, I am ready for my MIL to go home.  But I have 2 more weeks.  Le sigh.

Not much to say - using the fitness center at work since we've been getting a lot of rain and its hot and muggy.  Oh south Florida, just like living inside a microwaved sponge.

Work is fine, the dogs are fine, husband is working this week (gotta love temp work, but he got a lot done around our house when he was off).

I don't really feel like I have a lot of say lately.  I will say that I have started doing yoga again regularly and I am really enjoying it.  I got burned out there for a while, but I'm glad to be doing it again.

Alright, have a good one!

In a not so shocking development

Well, even though the doctor wants her to go to an ear specialist, he also said that MIL's dizziness could be caused by either her neuropathy in her feet (anyone know what causes that?) or uncontrolled blood sugar, she is deep back in denial, refusing to believe that her DIET has anything to do with, you know, her HEALTH ISSUES.

Look, I get it.  Hub and I are in a not too happy situation because we are comfortable enough that we are having a hard time stepping out onto that limb.  But you know what the difference is?  We aren't jeopardizing our health by it.

Unhappy equilibrium

So, MIL should be coming home this morning.  She didn't see the neurologist until too late to be discharged last night.

The upshot of all this is: the doctors didn't find anything.  He wants her to go to an ear specialist when she gets home, but he also belives that her vertigo may be caused by her out of control blood sugar.

She suggested I put a few cheerios on her dog's food to encourage him to eat - I pointed out that she had eaten the entire box in a week.  Yeah.  We will see if all this is enough to drive her to change.  They jury is still out.

Speaking of which....

I realized this weekend that I spend very little time doing things that bring me joy.  Don't get me wrong - I realize that I CHOOSE to spend a large amount of my time on the weekend shopping and prepping food so that we have healthy food we enjoy.  I could spend my time in other ways, but I feel that is important.

The problem is, I don' really enjoy shopping or doing a massive multi-hour food prep.  And at the end I am frequently left with insuffcicient time and/ or energy to engage in creative hobbies that bring me joy.  Food is one of the few things I do for myself.  Hence the need to lose 20 pounds.  Gotta work on that.

I also have to do something about my own "unhappy equilibrium" - where the comfort of a good job with a good company are offset by the fact that it isn't fulfilling and we are several hundreed miles away from our friends and family. And the fact that my husband hasn't found a job.

I'm just not a big risk taker, so packing up and leaving a good job with an excellent company in order to do .... ?  WAY outside my comfort zone.  But you know, there are things I want to do.  Like starting my own business.  Like buying enough land to create a homestead and raise the majority of our food.  Like live a simpler life, more connected to the people we are about.

Gotta keep pushing myself.

As the stomach churns

This is a book (Steven King's "Nightmares and Dreamscapes") resting on a pool float.  I'm reading in the middle of the pool.

We took MIL to the hospital yesterday (we couldn't find an urgent care that took medicaid).  She's been feeling dizzy.  She called her doctor and was told to go see someone.  Anyway, they kept her overnight to do more tests.  No idea what's going on.  Hopefully they will release her today. 

Her health really is lousy.  If that isn't enough motivation to take care of yourself, I don't know what is.

Showdown in the Aldi checkout

(View from the office patio today at lunch when I went outside to warm up!)

After we came back from camping, we stopped by NC to pick up my MIL. She is down for a visit for a month or so.

We set down some ground rules last year (she has to help out, not just sit around and be waited on) that make the visit easier for all of us. She can still be a bit difficult – you don’t really have a “conversation” with her – in general it’s more like a cross between 20 questions and an interrogation, not to mention her tendency to come across a mega critical (“Are you going to paint the toe kick and shoe molding?” “It’s already painted.” “Really???”).

Here’s the big thing: I know I mentioned our plan to come back and eliminate some junk out of our diet (beer and diet Pepsi for me, diet Mtn. Dew for hub). Which we have been doing, although the going has been tough a time or two. Well, MIL is having to radically change the way she eats as well.

My MIL keeps a super erratic schedule – sometimes she will be up for 2 days and then sleep a whole day, so her eating doesn’t conform to any sort of routine (which is a problem in and of itself). She has been doing pretty good getting into a routine at our house.

Typical foods for her might be: instant oatmeal (maple and brown sugar), grilled cheese sandwiches, toast, tv dinners, cottage cheese and canned peaches, coke, pretzels, boxed cookies (such as vanilla wafers, graham crackers, fig newtons), ice cream, pistachios, milk, and fat free creamer for her coffee.

I’m sure you see the problem, even if I don’t tell you that’s she’s an obese diabetic. Needless to say, we don’t eat that way. She enjoys the food I’ve been cooking, but she’s obviously been craving some of the junk (besides that bag of crap she brought along in the car).

The other day she rode with me to Aldi to pick up some milk, and when I got to the checkout she had picked up a loaf of white bread. She said she was craving snacks and my response was “Suck it up. We’re having cravings too.” I told her she would have to pay for it and I praised her to the skies when she put it back.

I don’t know if any of the habits will stick (they didn’t when she came for a long visit last year). But we’ve been talking about it. I know she doesn’t like to cook for herself, but eating like an unrestricted 5 year old isn’t doing herself any favors. And I won’t contribute to it, although she is an adult and can buy herself that kind of junk if she wants to.)

Diet pepsi hasn’t been too hard, but hub is really having a tough time getting off the mtn. dew. We didn’t go off the rails while camping, but it is definitely harder when you are eating out of a cooler with no electricity! It’s good to be back to our normal eating routines and I’m glad we decided to not allow certain stuff (soda) back into the house.

Back!

Thankfully I didn't come home to this, just a couple of geckos! :-)

Our vacation was good - its always nice to see friends and the weather in western PA was awesome! Sould not have asked for better weather!

True to my word, no diet pepsi purchased since we returned.  Hub is having a much tougher time giving up his diet mtn dew habit - I knew he would.  But he has cut drastically back and I'm not buying it at the store - if he wants one he has to go to the convenience store and pay convenience store prices, which is a deterrent.

My MIL is here and plans to stay about a month.  Try to imagine the worst diet you can for a diabetic - that's how she eats.  Some things I will buy for her (milk, instant oats), but I am drawing the line at cookies and pretzels and junk.  If she wants it she can pay for it - I won't subsidize her poor health to that extent.

Work is the same, house is still here, we very much missed the dogs. 

Anyway, have a good weekend!

Just a quick note

Hello there!

Just a quick post if anyone is still reading.  I'm doing fine - just got very busy at work and getting ready for 2.5 weeks of camping.

We are in NC and I am working virtually for a couple of days until we head up to PA on Thursday.  I won't have any internet for over 2 weeks - and as always, I am looking forward to the time to slow down and connect in more old fashioned ways.

My MIL is coming back to Florida with us.  Once we get back hub and I are doing a Whole 30.  We both agree we drink too much soda (thats a big one) and we just feel that getting back and simply not replenishing some of that stuff will be a painless way to clena up our diet.

I noticed that Norma closed her blog.  I enjoyed reading her.  Not really sure what prompted it, but there ya go - it happens.

Anyway, I am doing well, looking forward to vacation, and plan to come back and kick my diet pepsi habit!

Take care.

Happy 4th of July!

If anyone is still reading this, happy 4th!  I took a few days off with the family here and our big 2+ week camping trip in PA is coming up quickly, so I decided to work today, albeit from home.

Things here are their usual crazy, but basically good.  I am waiting for hub so we can go take a walk pre green drink and then start our day.

I may get back to this blog, its just that right now I don't seem to have the energy to put into it, nor do I really feel I have anything to say.

If that changes I'll be back.

In the mean time, take care!

Temporary hiatus from blogging, but not from healthy habits

I realized I haven't posted in a week!  Between my family's visit, getting ready for our big camping vacation (which requires a fair bit of prep work), and general life stuff, I'm just not blogging right now. 

I don't plan to qui this blog, but I realize that other stuff is eclipsing posting for right now at least.

Take care & I plan to be back to more regular posting soon!

Food and funnies

I didn't photograph my ground turkey meatloaf (breakfast), grilled chicken salad (lunch), or cherries (snack).  Here is dinner: salmon, roasted asparagus, and mashed cauliflower.

Dessert: a fudgecicle

Salad: Yur doin it wrong.

This one cracked me up.