Ugh

Tuesday I received a portion of my grandmother's ashes in the mail, along with a note from my aunt. She had asked if we would scatter a portion of grandma's ashes on her parents' graves here in Ft. Lauderdale, which of course we will. She also let us know the date for my grandmother's memorial service in Arden and asked if I wanted to say a few words.

I doubt any of my half siblings will be there, but I'm pretty sure my dad will be. But I didn't get to say good-bye, I didn't go to the funeral, and dangit I want to be at the memorial service. My aunt said she felt like an outsider at the funeral - she isn't close to my dad and doesn't know any of my half siblings really. So it would be nice to be there for her as well. And I would like to see my aunt - grandma asked her not to speak to me or mom when grandma quit speaking to us (I don't know why and that's a whole other story). Good lord that side of the family is chock full o' disfunction.

Anyway, my aunt feels badly about that. I think she also realizes that my mom, son, and me are her best shot at family. My dad is a selfish person and they aren't close. His other kids are pretty self absorbed (my aunt asked my half sister for a ride from the bus stop to the train station in High Point - myabe 15 miles. My half sister (an episcopalian priest) refused because it wasn't convenient.)

Anyway, there isn't really anyone else. My grandma wasn't speaking to her oldest sister, who took all their mother's stuff when Nana died - included what was intended for everyone else. So, my aunt has us and 2 cousins she doesn't really know and that's about it.

I'd like to go - it would be a nice chance to see soem friends up in Asheville and re-connect with my aunt. But dealing with my dad is the stuff of nightmares. Well, the service is end of March so I have a while to think about it.