Please Pass Miss Lousy-Mom Cranky-Pants her Machine Gun please.

Here is the deal: I am in a lousy mood. There are a number of possible culprits: a frustrating day at work yesterday, PMS, lack of weight lifting Monday (I swam instead), or possible electrolyte imbalance due to the fact that my dinner went through me like the Jamaican bobsled team (ahem). On the way to work, I found myself fantasizing about a nice day out on a machine gun range.

I was in the Army for 8 years. There was plenty I disliked, but there was a lot I loved. Being a machine gunner is high on that list. Working the machine gun range was a blast, especially if you got to be one of the people at the end of the day helping use up the extra ammo. Really, there is a tremendous primal satisfaction to be derived from putting a couple thousand rounds through a machine gun so fast that the barrel begins to warp (it’s okay – the assistant gunner carries a spare). I was an expert with a machine, and frequently won beer off the foolish Rangers who didn’t think a “girl” could out-shoot them. Heh. Remember, my hobby is putting on medieval armor and hitting people with rattan swords. I am hoping to curb my violent tendencies tonight at the gym, with an upper body workout that will have my muscles begging for mercy – in a good way.

I feel guilty because we went out to dinner last night. I was just emotionally beaten down to the point where heating up a can of soup & making a grilled cheese sandwich sounded like to much d&mn work. How messed up is that? I wanted to relax in the tub, but instead got a running commentary from a 10 year old on the other side of the door about how long I’d been in there. We had also gone out Monday for somebody’s birthday dinner, which means home cooking is sparse around our place this week. This is not typical, and I feel bad about it.

What else? Monday swam. Tuesday ran 2 miles, 30 minute walk at lunch, then we walked the dogs 1 mile last night. Got up and walked 2 miles this morning, even though it was freaking freezing. I got spaghetti for dinner last night, but the half I ate of my meal didn’t seem to hang around for long. I was in the kind of pissy mood that I used to squash with food. I did have a bag of soy chips with some diet pepsi after dinner. This morning I am listening to my world flute relaxation CD, drinking diet cocoa, and hoping this will pass soon. I hate being crabby – it seems like such s waste of time & energy.

I read this blog, and she posted this a few days ago:

“I am ready to just be a woman instead of the large woman. I am ready to be a triathlete instead of the fat chick doing a triathlon. I am ready to be a runner instead of the fat woman out jogging to lose weight.”

That is exactly how I feel.