What if this were okay?
Since I wrote that post yesterday, I’ve been thinking and asking myself “What isn’t working about my eating plan?” One thing that isn’t working is my all or nothing mentality. I get trapped into thinking something like “I’ll count tonight as a free night”, which is okay. But then I eat more than I want because I can’t have it tomorrow. Yesterday as I walked into the grocery I caught myself thinking “What if I weren’t on a diet? How would I eat?” Would I still choose the healthy foods I enjoy? Would I live on chocolate chip cookies and beer? I realized that I don’t trust myself to feed myself without self-imposed restrictions. That’s pretty bad.
I eat healthy foods most of the time without really thinking about it – Monday through Friday my daytime eating is on auto-pilot. I have no problems with being tempted by the vending machine because I bring adequate quantities of healthy foods to eat. I have a good breakfast, and then consume lunch and 2 snacks before I leave the office. I go home and eat a healthy dinner. That’s when the entitlement mentality kicks in. I know why I think that food is love, I just don’t know how to not think that way any more. That sets up a bad situation where I need to “rebel” or maybe “reward myself” and my tool of choice is food – always food. Goals are good, but not when they are the cudgel you use to hit yourself over the head. So what if I didn’t beat myself up when I ate a handful of taco chips? If they weren’t forbidden fruit, would they lose their appeal? And even saying “It’s okay to have 5” (or whatever) just turns that 6th chip into the forbidden fruit.
I have no answers. Some days I feel like I’m no farther down this path than I was the day I first started writing in this blog. Other days I think I have come a long way. I am a lot more active than I used to be, and I feel like I eat more nutritious foods. But the weight situation hasn’t improved in quite a while. I think maybe part of the reason for that is I am putting too much pressure on myself in that area.
Things to think about.
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3 comments:
{{{{{}}}}} Neca!!
I could have wrote this exact post! We should get together and cry on each others shoulder I think!
We think very much alike in the diet department, let me know when you have solved the problem so I can apply the solution ;-) It's rough, I tend to be an all or nothing type with the diet too, it doesn't work too well. I beleive the only thing that is preventing me from gaining weight is that that I run obsessively. That's not good, that means I haven't reached the "lifestyle change" that I have been searching for, whereas I could keep my weight in check even if I wasn't running. We need a plan!
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