The Hardest Thing

I hate the fact that I feel like I've lost so much fitness. I hate the fact that I've lost so much self esteem. But I think the hardest thing about the weight I've gained is that it has robbed me of my femininity. I feel like a blob on top of 2 sticks. I look like a blob on top of 2 sticks. I don't feel like a woman. I think that's the hardest thing to take.

So, why don't I do something about it? I do - every day. Every day I wake up and pack myself a healthy breakfast and lunch, which I eat. And then I get home and it all collapses under an avalanche of junk food.

Mid next week they should be announcing layoffs. I keep hoping that's what is making me feel so out of control. But I'm afraid I'll still feel just as stressed afterward.

I applied for the job in the other department.

I feel like I'm in a maze - I know there's an exit, I just can't seem to find it.