Good morning

Good morning!

Sorry for not posting - it's been a crazy few days!

Let's see:  Thursday our son's friend and pregnant girlfriend moved in.  Friday our friends arrived from California.  Friday afternoon I took them to Everglads Nat'l Park, where we saw lots of birds, turtles, fish, and a half dozen alligators.  My friend Eilis has never been to Florida except Orlando, so she was very excited.  And Mike (her boyfriend) grew up here, so it was a great chance for him to show her where he grew up.

After work we met my husband and the 4 of us headed down to the Keys.  Even though we were only there for Friday night and Saturday, we had a great time!  Saturday night saw us eating dinner at the diner here in town.  Eilis asked if she could do a load of laundry.  Of course I said yes, but apparently the dryer went to its great reward sometime while we were out of town.  UGH!

Hub had to work Sunday, and I frantically tried to get shopping and housework done in prep for my oral surgery Monday.  No rest for the wicked.

I had my surgery - the temporary crowns didn't fit, I was in the dental chair for over 6 hours, and ended up having an allergic reaction to medication.  It seems to be not to any one medicine as much as the sheer volume in my system - i had somethng like 14 shots of Novicane over the course of nearly 7 hours, plus penicillin, plus vicodin. 

I worked at home a half day yesterday and I need to work at home today - the temporary piece she crafted is rubbing the inside of my lip raw so I have to get it adjusted.

Hub had a chance to work this weekend and even though we need the $$, at this point we need the time more.  We are nowhere near packed up and I am getting really strresed about that.  Thank goodness my mom and son are arriving Saturday night to help.  My mom can supervise once I tell her what I want done since I have to go into the office next week Monday-Wednesday.

As far as the 2 kids we have with us, I dunno exactly what is going to happen.  The girl's family is Catholic and won't let her come home unless she cuts off all contact with the boy (she's 21).  The boy is 17 and has no family that will take him in.  They want to go to NC, and I think his grandparents are going to give them some money, but what then?  My son lives on a fixer upper houseboat with 1 bathroom!  How long can that last?

I don't know.  We are doing what we can to be supportive - god knows this kid hasn't gotten many breaks in life.  His whole family are varying shades of crazy and he can't count on any of them.  Since the 9 year old hasn't been in school someone (probably at the school) has called child protective services.  But since they are basically squatting in a foreclosed house, I doubt the school even has an up to date address.  Since they keep spending rent money on drugs, they keep moving around.  Lord, how depressing for those poor kids.

Anyway, given that we are renting out our house NEXT WEEK, there is only so much we can do.  It's going to be a long couple of weeks.....

Take care and I will try to do the same!  Vegetable soup for dinner - its in the crockpot.  I'm eating pretty good! :-)

Welcome to our crazy

So, I think I mentioned our son's friend N last year.  They met in school shortly after we moved here.  N had just moved from Sarasota, so they were both new and became friends.  We had N's parents over to dinner and our feeling was "she's nice enough - he's 'crack smoking sheba monkey' level crazy."  As in, totally nutso.

To sum up: dad was on drugs, they used to kick N out on a regular basis, and the child would come over to our house (occasionally banged up, no shoes, etc.).  He has a sister who is now 9.  Last year they kicked him out a few days before Christmas, then called the police claiming he'd run away.  Nothing says the holidays like having cops show up at your house, right?

Since then, they've had him locked up for psychiatric eval twice and a boatload of other crazy stuff.  N has called child protective services, as have the police and a teacher.  Both parents are now on drugs (they've moved on from pot to cocaine)  and yet both children are still there.

Last night N showed up at our house.  He's been living with his parents for a month or so (he drifts between family members, all of whom are nuts).  He left because his parents woke him up at 3 am, wanting him to go buy them more cocaine.  The little girl didn't go to school because no one woke her up and helped her get ready - the parents were asleep from being up all night doing drugs.

It's just crazy and sad.  They've been kicked out/left in the middle of the night owing money on multiple apartments.  I don't think the dad is bothering to work any more and it sounds like the mom is heading the same way.  And yet no grandparent (both sets live here) will step up and take her - they just leave her in the hell.  So how can I be angry at the state for failing her when her own family is doing no better?

N is 17 - his mom withdrew him from school and in Florida kids have no rights so he can't enroll himself or even try to get his GED until he's 18.  So he's just drifting until he turns 18 in February.  He's old enough that we've been able to help him somewhat - the parents can't very well accuse us of kidnapping a 17 year old.

The dad tried calling the police last night, but by now they all know the deal with the parents so they pretty much laughed.  N's plan is to get his car fixed (our son is going to fix it for him) and then go to Sarasota to live with an aunt.

So, I guess he and his girlfriend (who is from Sarasota and is going back home when the car is fixed) will be at our place for the next week or so.

You know, my life sometimes feels stressful or crazy or uncertain.  But there are a few things I know: I am a decent person and I try to do the right things.  My mom, son, husband, and friends are the same way.  If my 9 year old grandchild were in imminent danger, I wouldn't move to Guatemala to avoid dealing with her parents. (Yes, that's what the mom's parents are doing.  And the dad's parents are moving to Puerto Rico.)  Like I said, crazy on both sides.

I may not have a lot of money or stuff, but I will always share what I do have with others in need.

Have a good weekend.

Love Hate Relationship

I am havig a love hate relationship with my new schedule.

Pros:

Dude, I am getting so much done around the house in the morning!

Being able to fix (and eat) a leisurely brekfast, as opposed to packing it in my lunch box and eating it at my desk.

Taking a nice morning walk around the neighborhood in the daylight.

Cons:

I get home from work so late and then have to get a meal on the table.  I literally walk in the door and barely have time to change before I am cooking.

I feel like I don't have much of an evening.

My energy is gone by the time I get home which makes cooking dinner hard.  Last night I cracked and we had take-out.


Once we are past this packing up, I think I will try option c: something in between.  I have been getting up at the same time: 5:30.  I used to leave for work by 6:30, now I am leaving at 8:30.  I think I might try the middle ground of leaving the house at 7:30.  That would give me time to walk and eat breakfast and do a chore or two if needed, but I would have a half hour or so after I got home to relax before I needed to fix supper.  We'll see.

My oral surgery has been re-scheduled to next Monday.  I would have preferred NOT to have it on  Monday - if I have stitches I am going to be one sore, unhappy puppy.  Ugh.  Oh well, when 2 doctors have to coordinate their schedules it can be tough. 

Not much else is new.  I have been good about doing my morning walk outside and I really think it is helping with my stress levels.  And honestly, just knowing that things are nearly done and are changing is helping I think.  Also, my mom and son are coming down 3 days earlier, which means more help with the final push to get things packed up.  So that'll be a huge help!

Have a good day!

Moving along

I had to go to the oral surgeon's office yesterday, so I worked at home and was busy and forgot to post.

Things are okay - I've walked the past 2 mornings (outside) which is a really pleasant way to start the day.  The weather is just really terrific right now - it was breezy and 70 when I walked this morning.  Awesome!

I keep writing myself notes to remind myself about things we need to do - I think I have about 50 random lists floating around!  Even though I am living in chaos, I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and am feeling calmer about stuff, so that's good.

I hope you are doing well!

My sentiments, exactly!

Changing my strategy

I had a run of several difficult days last week.  I was just very down, my energy was low, and I felt overwhelmed by the things I needed to do.  As a result, I didn't get very much done, and the further I fell behind, the more overwhelmed I felt.  One night I even did a proverbial tap out and asked my husband to get take-out.

Saturday I got my grocery shopping done, but that was about it.  Saturday night I realized I was in real trouble - the reality is we are packing and there is a firm deadline and stuff has to get down or I will have a real problem. 

So Saturday night I decided I needed a different strategy.  All those days, I not only felt my feelings but I allowed them to determine my actions (or lack thereof).  I have feelings, but I am not only my feelings, and I can decide how much they will control my actions.  And my feelings needed to have no control over my actions.

I'm not sure if that makes sense.  I decided it was okay to feel down or whatever, but I needed to take care of the things I needed to get done as a way of taking care of myself.

Yesterday we got up, walked the dogs, walked ourselves, and then I made breakfast and cleaned the kitchen.  Then I spent 4 hours doing food prep and cleaning up after myself.  Then I took a nice long break (after roughly 6 hours on my feet I needed a break).  Then I spent 2 hours sorting and packing my CDs.

I realized I also needed a different strategy for the week as well.  I normally come in to work early and leave early, but the reality was that I wasn't getting anything done in the afternoon.  So, effective this morning I "swapped" my schedule.  I got up at 6 but then spent 1.5 hours cleaning the house (I did the dishes, organized packing materials, and gave the master bath a thorough cleaning).  Then I took a shower, ate breakfast, packed my lunch, and came in to work. 

We did not get the movies down like we wanted to.  We both worked very hard yesterday and were pretty pooped last night.  We agreed we would do half tonight and half tomorrow.  That gets us back on schedule.

I won't lie - my husband thinks the garage is "ready" and he is deluded.  There are also several items that I have realized still needed to be done I'd either forgotten about or hadn't considered.  But I think my strategy of spending 1.5-2 hours in the morning prior to work for the next 2 weeks will get the inside of the house where it needs to be.

As far as the garage, I plan to accept that it is out of my control and make myself scarce. :-)

Hope you had a good weeked.

I did a LOT of food prep done this weekend so my breakfasts (turkey meatloaf), lunches (salad and homemade falafel) are done and a lot of pre work has been done for suppers since I'll be getting home 2 hours later than normal.

This is not my preferred schedule, but its only for 2 weeks.

Everybody's workin' for the weekend

Have I used that as a title before?  Probably - I do have an unnatural affection for 80's rock, still.

Looks like hub is working tomorrow, which is good on the money front, bad on the time front.  I haven't figured out how to feel about which is more important at this point, so whatever.

For the third week in a row, his paycheck was messed up.  Between that & a couple of other things, I was in a crummy mood when I headed home for the day.  Ugh.

Anyway, my list just keeps getting longer and I don't know whether to laugh or cry about it, you know?  So I vote neither - just move on.

I got up this morning and did a couple of things around the house which helped get the day off to a productive start, which is nice.  Positive attitude counts for a lot!

Anyway, no real substance to this.  Hope you have a nice weekend!

Random thought about sleep

Thought brought to you by a Febreeze commerical.  I'll explain:

I was watching tv yesterday and saw a commerical for a new line of Febreeze products called "sleep serrenity" (or something like that).  It's sprays, diffusers, misters, whatever that come in scents that are supposed to promote sleep.  The one they mentioned first was a lavendar one.

Now, I know that lavendar is supposed to help promote sleep and I use it myself.  My beef with this Febreeze stuff is 2-fold:

1. I don't think its probably a good idea to be whiffing a bunch of chemicals all night long.  I'm pretty careful about the cleaning products I use because I just don't believe all those chemicals can possibly be good for us.  I'd rather open my windows (weather permitting) and get fresh (fresh-ish anyway) air.
2. I do think lavendar helps to promote sleep.  That's why one of my night time rituals is to mist our pillows with diluted lavendar essential oil.  I bought a bottle of organic essential oil at Whole Foods a couple of years ago and I've finally about used it up.  I have a small spray bottle that I fill with water and add 10 or so drops of oil, then spray it on the pillows.  I suspect that bottle cost less than buying 2 of the febreeze products and has lasted a LOT longer.

Bleh

Do you make yourself  "to do" lists?  I do, all the time - both at work and at home.  It helps keep me focused, feeling accomplished, and keeps me from forgetting stuff!  The other day I was on the phone with my mom on the way in to work and remembered something that we needed to get done out in the garage.  By the time I got to my office, I had forgotten.  Halfway through my morning workout I remembered I had wanted to remember something, but had forgotten what it was.  I finally remembered 10 hours later, making myself mental in those 10 hours struggling to remember!  (Please say I'm not the only one.)

Yesterday I had a list of something like 8 or 9 non work related items.  Because hub almost always has a longer coomute than me, the things he could do (stop by Publix for 2 things) I usually do, and then the list contains some things (fix supper) that are always on my list.  Still, that was a lot for a workday!  And I got all but 2 of them done, so that was pretty good!  The only down side was that one of the items I didn't get done was a biggie: sorting music.  It HAS to be done before the weekend - meaning this evening or tomorrow evening.  This weekend already has like 6 items on the list, not including the usual shop, food prep, etc. type items.  And one of them is another biggie; sorting through movies (we have a ton of movies).  And that one needs to be done with hub since we keep our music separate, but movies are joint.  I am going insanse.

I did walk outside yesterday, which was very nice, but it still felt like a mentally "off" day.  I'm not sure why.  Last night it seemed like my sleep wasn't very deep and I had weird dreams (I remember 2 of them: one was that the chihuahua ate a bunch of carpet and threw up everywhere (???) and the second was that I started a business making hats (???)).  Dreams are weird.

Did I mention that some dear friends from California are going to be in Florida soon?  Michael has family here which he wants to visit (main reason for trip), but we are all making a run down to Key West together next weekend!  Which crunches our already tight timeline, but friends and mental health have to take priority over schedules.  This is something I know to be true but still have to remind myself of, because it goes against my nature.  I don't want my tombstone to say something like "Never saw the Grand Canyon, but you could eat off her kitchen floor."  Yeah, that would be me if I didn't work hard at reminding myself what's really important.  June Cleaver incarnate. :-)

Halfway through the week

Heh heh heh.  I didn't even pull up as I am working from home today. :-)

I read a quote yesterday and I thought it perfectly captured how I've been feeling lately: "It’s easier to mourn what’s gone than be grateful for what’s left. But what’s left is all we’ve got."

I don't know whether I've just been "down" or "depressed" - for that matter, I don't know what the difference would be.  Or if its just anxiety.  But I know I've been anxious, frustrated, nervous, sad, etc.  And I haven't been the easiest person to be around.

Hub worked the weekend and had Monday & Tuesday off.  I left him a pretty long "to do" list Monday, but he got most of it done.  Yesterday I asked him to clear off his book shelf (because I will need to use it) and reboot the dishes.  I don't know what all he did yesterday, but when I got home those 2 things were not done.

I was pissed and it showed.  And I was already stressing about money because, well, because.  Anyway, after a quick stop at the house to drop off stuff & change, I had to run to the dr's office.  When I got there the receptionist offered me a bottle of cold water and 2 motrin.  Yeah, I looked that good.

I realized that I have been very "me" centered in this move, which is basically what my husband was guilty of during the first move, and it sucked.  Yeah, I was mad that he hadn't done the things I needed him to do, but I was also frustrated about things that neither of us can control.

Anyway, the kindness of the water and motrin soothed my soul, and I got home in a better mood.  Today I made a pumpkin pie using fresh pumpkin that I baked last weekend and I am making a nice dinner: zucchini noodles with homemade meatballs (also made last weekend) and sauce and a salad.  I also bought him a sweet card.

Sometimes I forget that we are different people - different strentghs and weaknesses, we process things differently, and we aren't always on the same wavelength.  But that doesn't mean he doesn't work hard or love me or have feelings.  I hope the pie & card & nice dinner will let him know that I do recognize the things he does - the biggest of which is let 95% of my moodiness roll straight off his back. :-)

A thought or two about fitness and weight loss (for a change!)

Do you read this web site? http://blackgirlsguidetoweightloss.com/  If you don't, I would highly recommend it.  The lady who has the site is a free lance wrtier and personal trainer who has maintained a loss of around 170 pounds.  Her articles are always well researched and well written.

Anyway, yesterday she had an article about the mental aspects of what its like to lose a lot of weight and what that does to your sense of identity.
http://blackgirlsguidetoweightloss.com/blog/losing-weight-and-losing-identity/

It's a very common theme and I've read a lot of posts & articles on the topic.  Hers was very well written and I enjoyed it a lot, but it got me thinking about something I've noticed: these articles are mainly written by women (occasionally men, but generally women) who have been overweight for their entire lives.

Once I thought about it, I realized that most of the blogs I read are written by women who have been overweight for all (or most) of their lives.

Which begs the question: Is it just that I've chosen those particular blogs or are most "weight loss" blogs written by women who have always been overweight?  If so, why?  And what about women who were a healthy weight for most of their life but gained weight later in life and are working to lose it?

Does that second group not feel the need to blog as much?  Do they struggle less with the mental aspects and therefore don't feel like they need the "therapy" of writing about it or the emotional support a blog can provide?

If you've been overweight for less time, does it affect you less?  And how can we really even answer that question?  The two groups are mutually exclusive, so its not like you can have first hand knowledge of how people in both groups feel.

If you've never read my back story: I was a thin child.  Honestly, I was probably one of those who are thin but "overfat" because while my weight was perfectly fine, I rarely exercised until I joined the military.  I didn't have any muscle definition, but not many girls do in their teens do (at least not back then).  Anyway, after that I was in the Army for 8 years and while I wasn't "skinny" (I was generally a size 8), I was a healthy weight and very fit.

Even after I left the Army and had a child I maintained a healthy weight until my mid 30s.  Then I gained weight (30 pounds), lost it, gained it back.  Obviously I felt the need to reach out to others and connect via writing about it, and have continued to write in this blog for several years, both during the loss and as I dieted my way back up the scale!

I've never needed to lose 100 pounds.  I was never teased about my weight as a child (although I was an introverted geeky girl, so I was teased from time to time, just not about my weight).

Does that make my issues with my weight less? Or mean that I don't struggle with identity as I lose weight?  I don't think so, although I will say I think my issues may be somewhat different. 

I'm not trying to say anyone's struggle is more or less than anyone's elses.  I just think it is interesting that I haven't found a lot out there written from the perspective of someone who has been overweight a relatively small percentage of their life.  And that is too bad because I would like to hear from that point of view as well.

Well, enough deep thoughts. On with the day!

Work it like a house elf

(I was an early harry Potter fan.)

Friday I had to run a couple of errands on the way home.  Like 2: Target and the Publix by my house.  OMG.  You would have thought it was black Friday judging by the Target parking lot.  And people were above and beyond jerky, even for here! And a mob scene!  WTF?!?!  By the time I got home all I was good for was couch surfing and a double feature: "Super Troopers" and "Beerfest".  (Sometimes, I have terrible taste in movies.)  I seriously considered take-out, but my husband got home late (7:30) and by then I pulled myself together enough that I made dinner.  Crowds and traffic really freak me out.

Saturday I was feeling a bit off kilter, but got up, made my shopping list, and got my grocery shopping done.  My mom's birthday is on Thanksgiving this week and my MIL's is Dec 2 - I found a nice puzzle set for MIL and a nice bath set of her fav body spray and hand lotion that can be from das boy.  So that was good.

After I got the groceries put away, I decided to sit down a few minutes and watch part of a movie from Netflix. It's one I wanted to see and the hub had no interest in, and since he was working it seemed like a good time.  It's called "The Baader Meinhof Complex ".  I sat and watched the whole thing, riveted.  It's a look at Germany's terrorist group, The Red Army Faction (RAF), which organized bombings, robberies, kidnappings and assassinations from the late 60s through the 80s.

It isn't up everyone's alley I'm sure, but even when I was living in Berlin at the end of the Cold War, the RAF was still around and considered a threat.  So it was interesting to me 1) to see how the group started and 2) watching the movie reminded me what it was like to live in a place where political activism (sometimes violent) was commonplace.

Anyway, Saturday wasn't the most productive day, but I got a bit of cleaning up, laundry, and the shopping done.

Sunday I woke up feeling really good and had a super productive day.  I did NOT get my CDs organized (I have a lot, and I really need to sort through them).  But I finished cleaning, food prep, laundry, and the last box of books is packed!  Huzzah!  I will work on CDs in the evenings this week. I know a lot of people now just store their music on their computer or in the Cloud or whatever.  But I like to have physical copies of my favorite CDs, that I can listen to when I want.  OTOH, there are some I never listen to that can get donated.

I also got in the pool yesterday, but I think it is gettign too chilly to do more than dangle my feet in the side!

Hope you had a good weekend!

Random Friday Cute

Courtesy of Cheezburger.  Have a nice weekend!

TGIF (The usual Friday title)

Dear Diary,

You won't believe what I did last night.  I cooked dinner!  And it was healthy and everything!!!  Who am I??  Hee hee.

Love,
Me

That's kinda how I feel about it, but yeah, I got a healthy supper on the table.  I'm a big fan of one pot meals (especially the crock pot!), but a close second is a "one baking sheet meal."

Last night I halved & cleaned a sweet dumpling squash (think I prefer acorn and butternut, but still good) and popped it in the microwave for 5 minutes.  While that was cooking I cut up some brussel sprouts and wrapped a piece of salmon and spices in foil.  I put everything on a baking sheet, popped it in the oven for 25 minutes, and served it up.  It felt so nice to eat a simple, healthy meal.

We did make some air popped popcorn later for scary movie watching, but it was a very quiet evening.  I got up early again this morning, rebooted the dishwasher, made hub's salad for lunch, packed my lunch & breakfast, AND packed up a couple more boxes of books!  I think I have one more box of books to do and I am done! (We are using liquor store boxes so they won't be too big & heavy.)

This weekend I am sorting through music, which should be A LOT easier.  I have a bunch I am donating, but I still probably have too many books.  Everything from children's books which belonged to my parents to paperbacks I picked up in college and have read at least a dozen times over the years.  I will probably cull through them again (it's a never ending process) but my donate pile is most impressive!

I went to the fitness center yesterday, but didn't get outside for a walk.  (I think it will be easier after time change, and after I have caught up on my house chores.)  Still and all, yesterday was a  pretty good day.

I talked to my boss about my oral surgery schedule and have permission to work from home a few days over the holidays.  With the vacation days, that means I'll be able to spend two weeks with my family!  Yes, I will have to work some days, but still - awesome!

Nice way to start the weekend! :-)

Change in Strategy

Yesterday was a bad day.

I had a message when I got in to work from the dentist office wanting to change an appointment.  When I called, the office lady (Ellen, who is very nice and I consider a friend) just said the Dr. N (dentist) had met with Dr. K (oral surgeon) about my case and wanted to move an appointment.  I asked some questions that I asked last time and didn't get answered (do I *HAVE* to have temps, how long would I wear them for, what would they cost).  Ellen didn't know.  I got upset and told her how frustrated I am that I ask questions and feel that I don't get answers. 

Anyway, Dr. N called me back and said "I thought we cleared all this up last time you were here."  Uh, no.  Anyway, yes, I have to have temps and they will cost $1000.  I cried.  If you had told me at the start that I would have to pony up $17,000 over the course of 18 months, there is no way I would have done this now.  But its too late since I have no upper front teeth.

Anyway, I cried on the phone with the dentist and told her how frustrated I felt that these unexpected charges keep popping up and that I feel like things aren't being explained clearly.  I like her very much and she feels like she's explaining stuff, but I think there are things she assumes that I just don't know.

(I probably owe Ellen some flowers - she is always the recepient of my dental angst.)

I got home from work and just cried.  I had tamales and beer for dinner.  Hub had leftovers.  I got nothing accomplished.

This morning I woke up at 5.  Since I was awake (and feeling pretty decent for someone who had garbage for dinner), I decided to get up and get some stuff done.

Before I came in to work I:

• Made coffee and a pitcher of iced tea
• Checked to make sure we have enough breakfast and lunch fixings since hub is working Fri, Sat, and Sun
• Made boiled eggs to go in his lunch
• Packed my lunch
• Made him a To Do list since he is home today
• Sorted through a huge stack of mail
• Packed up several boxes of books
• Made and ate a very yummy breakfast (a greek omelet and a side salad left over from Tues dinner) 

If I can't get stuff done in the afternoon, maybe I can get caught up by doing some stuff in the morning!

I didn't walk this morning - I will use the fitness center at work today and hopefully we can take the pups for a walk this evening.  We also need to run to the dreaded Wally World to get a couple of things (plastic tubs to pack clothes and linens in and I want to look for a good flashlift for my mom.  That's what she asked for for her birthday).

I have salmon thawing, a squash to bake, and some brussel sprouts that need to be used up.  So I WILL make a healthy dinner tonight!!!

Deep thoughts, well, thoughts anyway

I read a great post this morning over at http://www.thegreatfitnessexperiment.com/.  This was part of it:

"I am grateful for what I have. I am also sad for what I’ve lost. Both feelings can live in me at the same time."

It's a whole post about the stress she is going through and a lot of it revolves around their family's move.  I could totally relate to what she was writing and it felt good to know that I'm not alone.  As she points out, moving is considered the third most stressful life event. 

I am (mostly) dealing with my stress - some ways are positive and others not so much.  I'm trying to work on forgiving myself when I make less than stellar choices and just moving on because beating myself up over a half a liverwurst sandwich on white bread isn't working.

Maybe I need to focus on the positive things I do - like exercising, packing my breakfast and lunch, cooking a healthy dinner, etc.

When you are down in the thick of it perspective can seem pretty elusive.  Another thing Charlotte wrote really resonated with me:

"But this thing that makes life so hard – the fact that it’s always changing – is the thing that will ultimately be my salvation. I know that I will not always be where I am now. No matter how hard it all feels right now, it will change. It will get better. It will get easier. I will not be a mess forever!"

True. :-)

More misc.

It's fall somewhere, right? :-)

Well, anxiety attack held at bay until last night, when I took half of one of the anxiety pills my mom left.  Sigh.

I guess it isn't surprising that I am having anxiety attacks.  We are moving in less than a month and renting out our house.  My husband will be staying with my mom in NC and looking for a job up there while I stay here (by myself) until my oral surgery is finished and we decide it's time to move on - either with a virtual job at my company, with a job elsewhere, or with no job. 

That's a huge amount of uncertainty. 

Hub worked a temp job for 3 weeks but it (unexpectedly) ended yesterday.  I think that is what pushed me over the edge.  That's the most work he's had since June so money is tight.  Part of the timing of my going back will also be determined by our financial situation, so right now it looks like I'll be living in south Florida without my husband and dogs until the 12th of eternity. Okay, that's an exaggeration, but sometimes it feels that way.

I remind myself I've done difficult things before and that we will be okay, but some days it is easier to believe that than others.

I did get out and take a walk Saturday, Sunday, and this morning.  I didn't make it yesterday, but that's a pretty good success rate.

Have a good one!

Misc.

It's beginning to feel a little cooler - it was 68 when we took a walk this morning, and we have the windows open. Hurray for open windows!

Hub is power washing the roof - one of the final things we want to do to the house before we rent it out.

I did some more packing this week and sorted through my sewing stuff.  I decided I wanted to keep some sewing stuff with me so I could work on some small projects, but the bulk of it is going into storage.

This felt like a difficult week, although not so bad that I felt the need to take half an anxiety pill.  Work is just .. ugh.  Frustrating.  It seemed to take most of my energy just to get meals on and dishes washed.  There wasn't much left over after that, you know?

I have decided that I need to get up and take a walk every morning (even a short one) just to help my stress levels.  Exercising at the fitness center at work is great, but getting outside does seem to be helping a bit.

Have you been reading about the scare around the dog jerky treats?  To me the really scary part is that the FDA can't figure out what is making the dogs sick (or killing them).  And they are testing these treats.  The reality is that of the food we import, only a tiny fraction gets inspected at all.  If they test something and can't identify the substance that they know is deadly to pets, how can we be sure human food is safe?  The FDA is proposing testing and labelling and already the animal food industry is complaining.

I know this is going to sound like I'm some sort of conspiracy theorist, but honestly, trusting the government to ensure the safety of food is a little scary to me.  I stopped buying pet food from overseas years ago.  I try to never buy people food from China, Vietnam, etc. either - although with the way food is labelled, it can sometimes be hard to identify country of origin. 

Another reason we are looking forward to buying something with enough land we can have a large garden, fruit trees, chickens, etc.

I did the grocery shopping this morning. My goal for the afternoon is to sort through 2 bookcases.

Have a good weekend!

p.s.

I got in the pool when I got home from work yesterday.  It was very nice.  I will miss my pool very much when we move!!

A brief check-in

I haven't been on the computer much lately.  I am on the computer all day at work, so when I get home I just haven't been much interested.  I check my personal email every 3-4 days and that's about it.  hence my lack of posting here.

We spent the weekend oorganizing, prioritizing, re-arranging.  It was stressful.  I am finding the whole experience more emotional than I expected.  Like once you make a decisions, boom, that's the end - done and move on.  But it isn't that way, at least not for me.  You make a decision, but your brain continues to process feelings as you move through acting on that decision.

Does that make any sense?

Anyway, it's left me pretty jumbled.  So there ya go.  But you keep moving on, jumbled or not!