Hanging in there

This weekend was super busy.  My aunt was in Asheville from New Mexico, so we drove up to visit with her Saturday.  So that was a full day. Sunday I spent cleaning and organizing hub's stuff so I could begin to unpack and organize mine.

Work is good - just a long day and tiring since its so much to learn.  I come home wiped out. 

Also, I can't surf the web at work, so any blog checking must be done at home.  Evening time right now is some chilling, some unpacking, and prepping for the next day.

In other words, I haven't been reading up on my blog friends the way I would like, but I hope to get back to very soon!

I'm doing okay - lots of changes, but good ones! :-)

Take care.

Briefly checking in

Hi there!

I hope you are doing well.  I haven't been checking blogs - no time at work and I've been busy getting settled in here.

Things at the new job are going well.  The learning curve is HUGE and it can be a bit overwhelming, but I think I am going to be very happy there.

I am keeping an eye on food and walking, and hope to get a more structured schedule next week.  But I am keeping up with my healthy habits fairly well, and am happier than I have been in a very long time.

Take care and I hope to catch up with you all next week!

Service will be spotty....

Good morning!

Hub and I are back in Florida and today is my last day at work.  We are driving to Jacksonville tonight, then on to NC Tuesday.  Then new job on Wednesday.  Whew!  A smart girl would have left the beach a day early, but who wants to spend their birthday on the road instead of with their family??

We had a great time, but loads to do the next few days.  I may not have time to check in before the weekend.

Take care!

Back next week

Gone to Edisto Island SC.

I'm losing my mind

Monday I forgot my gym bag.  I've regularly left my water cup somewhere because the water & ice machine is across from the bathrooms, and I go in and run into someone and tell them I'm leaving and we get into a big discussion and then I get back to my desk and realize I've forgoten my cup....  Today I packed my lunch and left it at home.

Also, there were no boxes.  And I feel like I have a ton to pack up and do.  Like I said, I am leaving Satuday after dinner to spend the night with my step sister before driving to the beach house Sunday.  Then hub and I come back the next Sunday and Monday he loads the moving truck (because we have a little bit of furniture plus some misc. stuff left in the garage) while I'm at work.  And then after work we drive to Jacksonville, then onto NC the next day (Tuesday).  Then we unload everything and we both go to work the next day (Wednesday).

So I feel a little overwhelmed and stressed.  And then there's my emotions.

Everyone keeps saying "Aren't you so excited!" or "Aren't you so happy!" and yes, I am both of those things.  But as my mom put it so well "It isn't that simple."

I tend to angst over past decisions, because we all know how productive THAT is, right?  So I ask myself whether we made the right decision to move to Florida?  And did I make the decision for the right reason?  (Because let's be honest, I made the decision).  And does the primary breadwinner get to be selfish and keep their comfortable, well paying job that they don't really want to leave even if it means moving the family?  Was I being lazy and selfish?  Did I fail my family, because this move was tough for both of them?

And am I a failure because it didn't work out?  Am I a failure because moving back means taking a job that is a contract position (although with benefits and a high likelihood of turning into a regular full time job - this is the way the lady likes to hire people, by hiring them as a contractor first)?  Am I a failure because I am taking a 20% pay cut, even though we thankfully can afford for me to do that?

See, these are the things you think when you were raised by a father that acts like the worst stereo types of a jewish mother and who always made you feel like you were never quite good enough....

And with no family here to care for, has my self care crossed over the line into self absorption?

ugh....

Box Wednesday

Today is licquor delivery day!  Which means I am going after work to pick up some boxes. :-)

I am also meeting a friend for dinner at a mexican restaurant, which should be a lot of fun.  It's mainly a take out place, but they have about 4 tables and the food is excellent!  And its surprisingly easy to make a good choice at this place.

I didn't sleep well last night, so I opted to sleep in.  No walk, no packing this morning.  But I'm doing okay. 

The drive to the beach house is ouver 8.5 hours, so I opted to drive up to my step sister's in Coccoa Beach Saturday night.  That's about 2.5 hours and will make the next day much easier.

Anyway, things are moving along here.

Have a good day!

Nothing new to report

Still here in Boringsville - walking, eating, packing, etc etc etc.

I forgot my gym bag yesterday, so no T25!  Oops!  I brought it today.  I can't believe I did that.

Anyway, knocked a bunch of things off my list yesterday - mainly going to websites to change physical and/or email addy.  Ran a couple of errands after work.

I had a chance to do a kind deed for someone when I was out & about.  What exactly doesn't matter - just that it made me feel really good to be able to be kind to a stranger.  Generosity pays you back 3-fold.  It felt good to spontaneously seize that opportunity.

Looking forward to the beach next week.

I have a LOT of anxiety about starting a new job after 14+ years.  Reminding myself I will be fine. :-)

Have a good day!

Accomplished

Despite the fact that I felt all over the page mentally, I got a lot done this weekend!

Bathroom cleaned.
Food bought.
Room cleaned.
Laundry washed and put away.
Mother's day gifts - pillowcases for mom and MIL made - they just need a final ironing after they were washed.

I'm still feeling all over the page mentally, but I am just focusing on 'the next thing'.

This morning I got up, walked, packed 2 boxes, packed lunch, showered, ate, got dressed and headed out for work.  I did stuff one thing at a time.

This morning I am working on a list of things I need to get done this week.  I plan to pack 1 or 2 boxes each morning.  By the end of the week I will have gotten a lot done!

It feels overwheleming, but really, it isn't.  It's a lot, but I DO have the time AND energy, if I stop looking at the forest and just check out the next tree, you know?

Excited, nervous, overwhelmed, but baby stepping it.  Doing ok.

Hope you had a great weekend!

Thoughts

First of all, I want to put out there that I have neither gained nor lost weight.  I lost 5 pounds doing the Whole 30, I regained 2 and have stayed there.  Given all the stress, I'm okay with that - for now.  But I want to focus on doing better the next couple of weeks.

Okay. 

So, I work for a really good company.  They treat their customers and employees very well, and overall its been a great run.  Sure, I have had bosses that weren't the best - who hasn't?  But its been good.  It got tough when we moved to Florida - the family went through a LOT of rough patches (some of which are chronicled here, some are too private), and work didn't feel quite the same.

The last year has been particularly challenging at work with a huge re-org.  But at the end of the day, what drove our decision was the fact that our son went back, our folks are in NC, hub never found a full time job here and was terribly unhappy, AND I wasn't very happy at work the way I once was.

So the decision seems pretty straightforward, and it was.

But.

There are things I really like and will miss.  I guess it's like when you break up with a boyfriend that wasn't right for you but there are still things you loved and you'll miss, if you get what I mean.  Nothing is all good or all bad.

Since we leased the house and I've been renting a room, that was a bit awkward at first, but I confess I kinda love it too.  R and I get along great and have become good friends.  And hey, if the kitchen floor is dirty?  Not my problem!  I worry about my room, bathroom, and cleaning up after myself in the kitchen.  Sure I can't spread my crap around, but I spend maybe 20 minutes a day cleaning, and an hour (tops!) on the weekend.

I don't worry about what hub is eating or wants to eat, nor do I have to prep his food.  Not having to worry about that stuff has been WONDERFUL.  Yes, I miss my family but I'm being honest here - not being responsible for all that stuff after so many years of being THE person who did it or made sure it got done?  That's been really nice.

And of course a new job.  New boss, new co-workers, a bunch of new stuff to learn.  I know I can do it, but it's like the first day of school times a hundred cause I may be in this role for several years.  So, a bit daunting after being comfortable for so long.

So, a lot of mixed up, conflicting emotions, tired from coming down from so much stress (my gums have been swollen for two days), and loads of things to get done.

Maintaining and not gaining seems ok for now.

 

Surprisingly Emotional

Thank you for the congrats and good wishes!

This has been a rocky road, these past 3.5 years, and finding a job (and coming to that decision) has been a long road too.

As you can imagine, my brain feels like marshmallow fluff and my legs feel like jello!  I have so much to do, and so many emotions.

There's a lot I want to put down here, but my head hasn't been able to organize my thoughts into something coherent.

Doing okay, walking, doing T25, packing my food.  Thankfully those things are on autopilot, because my head certainly isn't there right this minute.

I'll do a more in depth post as soon as I get my thoughts organized.

Take care!

Why I fell off the side of the planet

Whew.

So, last Monday I got a call for a screening interview, which I had Wednesday.  4 hours later I got a call for a face to face interview, which I did Friday.  In NC.  Got the offer today, gave notice 5 minute later.  I start my new job in NC on the 23rd.

I work for a Fortune 50 company you've heard of, and I am going to work for a Fortune 50 company you've heard of, so I tend to be very careful about what I post regarding work around here.  Hence the secrecy.

But the cat is out of the bag and I cannot tell you how thrilled I am to be back with my family in just a couple of weeks!!!!!

Still here

Good morning.

Sorry for the disappearing act - it has been one crazy week.  Stress is through the roof, although it is good stuff.

Anyway, I plan to be back Monday with more details.

Take care of yourself!

Monday, already!

Good morning.

Yesterday I roasted a whole chicken to use in my lunch salads this week.  It came out good and it will be a nice change from my plain old baked boneless skinless thighs.

I didn't have any leftovers for breakfast (since last night was leftovers from saturday night).  I did have a sausage patty left from breakfast yesterday, and I had that with 2 boiled eggs for breakfast today.  Lunch is my salad and dinner is ???.  I didn't take anything out of the freezer - oops!

I got up and walked this morning (again).  It's getting muggy, which means my hair is getting frizzy.  But the walk was very good.  I spent the time thinking about things I've accomplished and achieved.  Lately I've been really hard on myself and honestly it's not fair.  I think that's made it difficult for me to feel like I'm worth my own effort, which is not true.

Have a good day!  You are worth your best effort - and so am I.

Sunday

Hello there.

Hope you are having a good weekend.  Mine is going pretty good.  Got up and took an extra long walk this morning, followed by a shower and a nice breakfast (sausage and eggs).  Did my food prep, cleaned the kitchen, and made a nice salad for lunch.  Tonight's dinner is leftovers from last night - steak and asparagus.

I've tried to spend some time today just being quiet and thinking.  It's harder than it sounds.  :-)  I haven't reached any profound conclusions, but I am feeling more positive.  I continue to focus on all the good things in my life and to try and appreciate them now.

Take care.

Time to get real

(Everything is better with a dog picture!)

Happy Friday!

I came to a realization last night - well, I've known it I just ignored it.  Slowly I've let a couple of poor food choices creep back in.  My mood has been pretty low this week, and a bad cycle was beginning.  Last night I realized I HAD to stop it.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

I am so fortunate to be blessed with good genes and good health, and I need to preserve that - not abuse it!  Sure, I was packing and eating healthy meals, but too many pistachios is a bad choice.  And beer?  Hello, I know better!

I have really been in a funk.  It's more than just missing my family (although I certainly do).  I know where I want to be with my life, but the path to achieving those goals is so uncertain.  In many ways I feel paralyzed by uncertainty - but no choice is a choice that leads down a path too.  I feel like I'm drifting.

Ugh.

I'm not trying to sounds vague, I just honestly don't know how to articulate my feelings and confusion.

I keep telling myself that time will provide clarity, but I feel like I'm not getting anywhere - that I'm just spinning my wheels.

HOWEVER.  All that may be, but I still have to take care of myself.  I have to care enough to do that.

Here is my plan for this week:

Walk daily.  Plan, prep, eat healthy meals.
Brush, floss, get plenty of sleep.
No beer.

Starting today.

Cruising Along

Again, not too much to say today, but I wanted to check in.

Had an omelet for breakfast, packed my salad for lunch, and tonight is salmon, sweet potato fries, and a tbd green veggie.

We are now in our 6th week of doing T25, which means we have moved up from the "alpha" workouts to the "beta."  I can't say they are harder per se, but they certainly move faster.  We're all just trying to hang in there & do the best we can. :-)  I will say I am really enjoying this program!

My husband offered to buy a web cam for his computer so I could Skype with Jordan. :-)

I hope you have a great day! 

I hate the phrase "hump day"

Happy Wednesday.

Feeling some anxiety, but its at a maneagable level.  No tears or panic attacks.  Thank you lord for modern medicines!  Right now the extra help is much appreciated.

I was thinking about dishes earlier.  I LOVE dishes.  Two things my house has too much of are books and dishes.  I love living in a clean, uncluttered home.  But as many times as I have pared down my books, I still own a lot.

And I've pared down my dishes too, but I still have a lot of those as well!  My everyday dishes belonged to my grandmother.  They aren't necessarily what I would pick if I were going to the store, but I love them.  Every time I eat off those dishes I am reminded of my grandparents and my family, and eating off them when I was a kid. 

There's another up side to using those dishes as well: Have you noticed the size of modern dishes?  Plates are giant platters and bowls hold a pound of pasta!  Modern dishes are significantly larger!  My grandmother's dishes have both dinner and luncheon plates.  The bowls are a reasonable size.  Using those dishes is a form of built in portion control because they hold the right amount of food! 

It sounds like a little thing, but its a nice visual reminder of how much food is "enough". 

I hope you have a good day!

Stormy Tuesday

I woke up this morning fully intending to take a walk, but I woke up to a stormy morning.  T25 will have to be my exercise for the day.  After saying I planned to switch my walks to the evening, I found that dark was preferable to muggy and hot, so mornings it has been.  Until today!

I don't really have a lot to say - feeling kinda blah.  But I am doing ok - made breakfast, packed lunch, have a good meal planned & prepped at home tonight: baked eggplant with a homemade meat sauce and roasted green veggie of some sort.

Just wanted to check in so I could be accountable and let you know I'm still here.

Have a good day!

Happy Monday

Hope you had a nice weekend - mine was pretty low key.  The usual chores plus I met a friend for breakfast yesterday, which was really nice.

I went for my annual physical and got a clean bill of health.  She suggested I lose a few pounds, and I agreed.  She suggested Weight Watchers, but I prefer to continue on the primal path.  I feel good, have good energy, sleep well, etc.

After doing the Whole 30 I think I will add back in enough greek yogurt to make my ranch dressing - that's a half cup per week.  Other than that, I will largely leave out dairy - I like my almond milk fine and cheese is just too much of a trigger food for me to have in the house.

I don't miss my stevia in my coffee, not do I miss soda.  They are gone, and that's fine with me.  I'd given up pasta and grains before doing the Whole 30, and I don't miss them much.  I do miss the occasional bread.

The big thing I realized is that beer has to be banished - not only is alcohol not helpful to weight loss, it makes me snacky, and that's bad.  So its gotta stay banished.

That's about it.  Take care.

A Friday post about sushi - and finding loved unexpectedly

Sushi

Sushi is defined as "a Japanese dish consisting of small balls or rolls of vinegar-flavored cold cooked rice served with a garnish of raw fish, vegetables, or egg."  I define it as "heaven on earth."  I love sushi, but .. rice....

I am bringing this up because recently our cafeteria at work began offering sushi freshly made, right after I started my Whole 30.  I could walk past all the cookies, cakes, and pastries in the world, but the sushi was tough.  One day I stopped to look and discovered that they actually had a roll that was vegetables in the center, surrounded by crab.  No rice!  Which I guess means it technically isn't sushi, but it's close enough for my taste buds!  I plan to try one today.

Love

Several years ago, my husband and I decided that we wanted to get a second little dog to be a playmate to Bess, our chihuahua mix.  The shelter where we lived didn't often have small dogs, but when my mom saw one as the "pet of the week" on the local tv show, she offered to meet me there over my lunch hour to see if we could find a good companion for Bess. 

We found an adorable yorkie mix called "Little Miss Sunshine", who seemed perfect.  I called my husband and we adopted her.  Since she hadn't been spayed, she couldn't come home with us right away.  Later that evening I got a call from the shelter, asking if we had taken the dog home.  I said no, that she had to be spayed.  Turns out she had been stolen from the shelter!

I was very upset.  They offered to let me come in and pick out another dog.  I explained that we were looking specifically for a companion dog for our chihuahua and that they didn't have any other dogs that fit our bill.  The lady said they had a couple of recent intakes that weren't yet out in the general population and that I could come in and get a first look.  Tearfully I agreed.

The next day I again met my mom at the shelter.  We sat in the waiting room and one of the ladies brought out a white jack russell chihuahua mix.  I was concerned she would be a little large to be a friend to Bess, but my mom disagreed.  We played with her for a bit and mom really liked her.  I referred to her as "consolation dog."  But I agreed that this could be the replacement dog.

Well, the rest is history.  Playmate to Bess?  Eh, sometimes.  For the first several months Bess just looked at her in disgust.  I think she's happier being the sole princess and center of the universe, although occasionally she shocks us all by pretending to be a dog and playing with Jordan.

Instead of becoming Bess' best friend, Jordan became mine.  She is the dog of my heart and I am her person.  She loves my husband, she loves my son, but she thinks I make the sun come up each day.  It may seem silly, but that little dog makes my world a better place.

On that note, have a wonderful weekend!