Eh

Packing my food, tracking it on Sparkpeople, going to the gym....

Heart's not in it, but sometimes you just keep doing it anyway.

Take care & keep on!

Sunday Evening

Today was a very productive day.

• This morning I prepped the food for the week that I hadn't finished yesterday.
• Washed (and put away) laundry.
• I changed out some spring/summer clothes for fall/winter and organized my closet.
• Deep cleaned my bedroom.
• Visited with my best friend.
• Did an AWESOME workout at the gym.
• Watched a little football.
• Went to Kohl's to look for some close toed work shoes.  No luck. :-(

So, all in all, it was a busy (but good) day.

At the gym we worked back and legs (and a little abs at the end).  We moved quickly so it was a bit of a cardio as well as weight workout.  The time flies!

Even though money is tight (especially since the vet bill for taking care of Bess was CRAZY), I am SO glad I decided to hire a personal trainer.  I don't know how long I will work out with her, but for right now I am very thankful to have the extra motivation and accountability.

Hope you all had a good weekend.

Take care.

Okay

Good morning.

It's been a tough weekend.  We all miss our little Bess very much.

But you know, we still have to take care of ourselves.  I've prepped food (and have more to do today).

I am meeting with my personal trainer this afternoon to work out.

Husband is getting ready to head back to work.  A close friend came over yesterday and spent the day hanging out - it was just what my husband needed.

Today we begin moving on.

Bess

Our dog Bess is gone.

That's it.

Not much to report

Bess is still in the ICU.  Yesterday she had her 3rd transfusion, as well as a transfusion of human gamma globulin.

She isn't really improving.

I'm going to the gym in a few minutes, but my heart isn't in it.

That's all I got.

Doggie update

Bess is still in the hospital.  She has had 2 transfusions.  She's hanging in there, but hasn't turned the corner and isn't improving yet.

Please keep us in your thoughts.  She's a special part of our family.

So much to digest

My husband went to the PA at work for a wellness screening.  The results were pretty much a bitch slap across the face.  Guess what happens when you gain weight, quit exercising, and eat too much crap?  Back on bp meds, other numbers not so hot either.

Life on the res is like a small town.  The PA?  Her half brother is my husband's illegitimate half brother (that he never knew he had).

Oh, and our chihuahua has developed an autoimmune disorder and is in the hospital.

Yeah, what a weekend, 

Apparently yes, all women

I have been coming home, napping, eating, and going to the gym.  Then shower, sleep, work, repeat. So I haven't had a lot of time or energy for posting, but that doesn't mean I don't have anything to say.  I actually have quite a bit.

Let's start with something that happened yesterday.  I went upstairs to the cafeteria to buy some fresh spinach off the salad bar to put with my salad packed from home.  When I walked up to pay, the guy checking me out said, "Does your husband know you're wearing that shirt?"

Now let's be clear, I wear a sports bra under my shirts because some shirts are kind of low cut and it looks like a nice camisole.  You couldn't see that - the shirt isn't low, it's just V cut.

And even if it were cut down to my fucking navel, how was what he said appropriate?

I wish I could say I had a snappy comeback, I was just shocked. 

And people wonder why I get uncomfortable when I lose weight.

This is why.

Hello

Hope your weekend was as nice as mine.

I had a lovely time making curtain's for the house boat and doing some mending.  Did the usual shopping & food prep, blah blah.  But having my son & grandpuppies here made it special.

Work is getting better - I'm far enough up the learning curve that I don't come home feeling like a zombie any more.  yay!

Tonight is swimming and water aerobics.  Thursday I am meeting with a personal trainer to help get the weights back on track.  All in all, things are going pretty well.

Take care!

Happy weekend

This weekend my son decided to come up.  I am so excited!

We are having a nice family seafood dinner, I'm making some curtains for his boat, we are putting 2 new tires on his car.

I think my mom and I will still head down to the coast next weekend to work on more curtains, but for now, I have my son & grandpuppies here!

Have a great weekend - enjoy your life.  That's what health is all about! :-)

A form of self innoculation

Remember last weekend, when I got on the scale and got upset?  Yeah, me too.  I spent a lot of the weekend grouchy - in part due to the scale.  Which is silly because when I got on the scale 2 days later that "gain" wasn't there.

I talked to my best friend about it.  She weighs herself every day and suggested I try that.  So I have been.  My thought is that if I weigh every day I won't get so worked up over an isolated gain because I'll be seeing a new number the next day.  Sort of like taking a flu shot - give yourself a small dose! :-)

I like using spark people - I don't mind entering my food portions and once I get in the swing of it, I don't find it takes more than a few minutes.  Also, I have found several excellent articles and I think it is really making a difference in my motivation.  Mrs Swan mentioned she'd like to track food but not amounts - I don't know of any online program that does that.  You could always use an Excel spreadsheet!

Tonight is just water aerobics - I'm heading out in a little bit.

My son is coming home for the weekend - woo hoo!  I am making curtains for his house boat. :-)

Take care!

Mid week check in

Monday night was very busy with swimming and water aerobics.  With just water aerobics, I don't generally get my hair wet, but of course I do with swimming.  Which means I come home and have a small snack and then HAVE to take a shower and wash my hair.  Pain in the butt, but oh well.

Class went pretty well.  When I swim, I use a nose clip.  The instructor seems determined to break this habit, but honestly, I don't care that I swim with a nose clip.  My intent in signing up was to work on my form so I could swim laps sometimes.  This evening I will speak with her if she persists in working with me on my breathing rather than swim form. 

Last night I learned that an acquaintance passed away unexpectedly.  I had planned to go to yoga but that just kind of took the wind out of my sails.  I was afraid I would start crying in class, so I opted for a walk in the park.  I didn't know her well, but she was a really special lady.

I've been using spark people to track my food.  Once I get a week set up, its pretty easy since breakfast and lunch are basically the same every day.  I built an evening snack in since I get so hungry after swim.

Anyway, nothing special but I am doing okay.

Take care.

Feeling better

I was pretty grouchy this weekend.

Saturday was crazy - loads of cooking.  Yesterday I did take some down time, which did a lot to improve my frame of mind.

My new goulash recipe is good but needs a few tweaks.

My new meat loaf recipe is a huge win!  It's more of a method than a recipe: I riced (in the food processor) most of a head of cauliflower and then gently sauteed it (to soften it and get some of the moisture out).  I then added that to my regular meat loaf - it was awesome!  Definitely a do over.  You don't taste the cauliflower, but it adds a wonderful moistness and light texture to the meat loaf.  Also - hello, more vegetables!

Today was an okay day at work - kinda quiet again.

Swim lessons start tonight and I am very excited!

Even when things don't go our way, life is still good. :-)

Busy weekend

Typical busy weekend around here: shopping, food prep (a LOT of food prep this weekend), laundry, blah blah blah.

This afternoon I need to do some mending.  It's been a very busy weekend.  But it also feels good to have healthy food prepped for the week and multiple meals in the freezer.

Back to reality

Back to work today. It was quiet - which gave me time to ease back into it and still get everything accomplished.

The visit was really nice.  We are heading back in December and renting a cabin for a few days.  More than ever, I feel like our time is limited.  While still in good health, Alma is definitely more frail and forgetful.  Still and all, she's in good health.  I'm thankful.

Anyway, not much to say today.  Take care.

Traveling on a holiday weekend

I'm not a big fan of traveling on holiday weekends.  I'd much rather travel when there is less traffic.  However, we wanted to come see my great aunt and I had Monday off, so here we are in southwest Georgia.  Driving through Atlanta was a pain (lots of traffic!), but no accidents and we made it through okay.

No real plans - taking Alma to get her hair cut, going out to eat, buying her a few necessities.  After we got here, we ran over to Pine Mountain so we could go to the Humane Society thrift shop.  I bought a couple of toys for the dogs and some of those nice absorbent stone coasters.  Anyway, we are relaxing at the hotel before we go out to eat.  I plan to have fish and veggies.

I love seafood!  I eat a lot of chicken, but also eat seafood at least once a week.  We are going to a bbq place for dinner, but they have really excellent catfish.  But its really all about hanging out with my great aunt.

I hope you enjoy your weekend.

Take care!

Waiting

I really don't like the feeling that I am waiting.  Waiting until we can buy a house, waiting until I've lost 20 pounds, like life is somehow "on hold".

It's not a good attitude, because it takes focus away from the here and now.  I have one of those personalities where I tend to focus on "once I've accomplished X, then Y".  I'm working on it.

Right now I'm focused on today.  Trying to make every day a good day.  Not just in terms of diet & exercise, but appreciating things: talking to my son, the weather, my dogs.

Today has been a good day.  Work went well, I took a short nap, I'm heading to water aerobics.

Take care.

Sharing an article from CNN

This is an article that includes some information and pictures about where I used to work in Berlin (Teufelsberg):  http://www.cnn.com/2014/08/25/travel/berlin-spy-tour/index.html?hpt=hp_c4

Pretty cool!

Ate healthy again, off for a walk.  Tomorrow it gets hot again, so I am enjoying the cool while I can!

Monday

So, work was pretty good today.  I'm definitely coming up the learning curve, although I still ask questions.  Every project is just a little bit different.

Tonight I am going to take a walk in the park.  The weather is nice and mild and it's a great evening to be outside.  So that's my plan.

Right now I still feel like I am settling in to life with much less stress.  I feel like I sound like a baby when I write stuff like that, but I honestly thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown.  Seriously.  Or a heart attack.

Anyway, I haven't gotten back into any of my hobbies other than reading.  I've connected with some friends (which has been great!).  Hub and I did quite a bit in the Society for Creative Anachronism (a historical society), but haven't done much since before we moved to Florida.  There is an event at the end of September I think I'd like to go to.  It would be nice to have more interests beyond the narrow confines of the house & work and the occasional friend, you know?

Anyway, focusing on taking things one day at a time right now.  Today was a good day.  Healthy food, heading out to exercise and enjoy the weather.

Disposable kids

I think women's lib was a good thing.  I appreciate being able to work in virtually any field I want with few limitations.  I am glad I can't be fired for getting pregnant, that I can get a credit card, that I get paid as much as my male counterparts.

The down side of 70s (and beyond) is that people got divorced at a rapid rate, leaving kids to be raised by single parents.  And of course women may get pregnant and the man may not be involved at all.

I'm not saying people should have stayed in bad marriages.  And plenty of parents who divorce do a good job of co-parenting.  This isn't to criticize anyone else's family or life choices - this is about my experience.

When my dad left, he treated the whole experience as a "starter marriage" - a college mistake.  Then he got married and built his dream house and had 3 kids with another woman.  (And got divorced again.)  Sure he said he loved me and I saw him most weekends, but let's face it: I became a baby sitter for when they wanted to go out. 

When I needed anything (like medical care), he cried poor to my mom.  She was a teacher - he had a good government job.  He paid $100 a month in child support.

But it wasn't about the money - it was about the attitude.  I once went through a pretty big depressive period as I entered puberty and my mom wanted to take me to counseling - he told her he couldn't afford to help pay for it.  (He'd just built a big new house & had a baby).

Like many girls who grew up without any positive reinforcement from a father, I used my looks to get attention and approval from boys/men to make up for that.  Which can become a vicious cycle of feeling like guys are only interested in your looks, not you, and down the path to very poor self esteem.

This wasn't 100% circumstance - my dad was one of those people that seems to feel that if he constantly criticizes he is "challenging" his child to do better.  The irony is of course that he hated his father for that mode of parenting and they had a terrible relationship, but of course he parented the same way his father had modeled for him.

The reality is I am very uncomfortable at a healthy body weight due to years of unwanted and inappropriate attention from men.  I feel safe overweight.

I know what to do to lose weight.  I've spent most of my life at a healthy weight.  I don't like being overweight, but I feel emotionally secure here. 

For me, losing a few pounds is a hellula lot more than cutting out carbs or hitting the gym more often.  I have to lean to navigate a world in which I am not comfortable.