I was at work for 10 hours. I'm tired, it was a long day, and the numbness seems to be taking a break. It's replaced with overwhelming sadness.
Gwen has posted a couple of good articles about perfectionism. I wanted to do this perfectly. A couple of days of sad, followed by noble loneliness, going to therapy, doing my time in self reflection time out - and coming out the other side, thin, mellow like the Dalai Lama, and ready to move on.
Like most things in life, grief isn't linear. So today I am back to sad. After dinner I picked up curtains and a sample of paint for the new bedroom. Then I went to the grocery for beer and salami.
I'll get back on the horse tomorrow. Maybe therapy will help with this d*&^ need to do everything "perfectly" - even failure.
Take care.
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4 comments:
totally normal. won't be the last time, either. it's OKAY.
I don't know what the grief is like after the end of a marriage, but I do know grief, in general, and how long and disjointed and crazy a process it is. I grieved for about a year after the death of my father and in that time, I had high highs and low lows and everything in between. Even weeks of feeling "normal" only to be struck by a heartwrenching sadness.
Not to try and make you feel badly, but to commisserate with you, let you know you are more than normal, and it will pass. I hated when people told me that only time would heal my wounds, but after time passed, I realized I could be wholly myself again.
I'm thinking of you <3
Thank you both. I know its silly to beat myself up with guilt over eating salami. :-)
Jeanette, I agree about grief. I think we need to hear it, to be reminded that its normal and ok. I know I will come out the other side, but that isn't always consolation in the thick of it. Just knowing other people have been there DOES help.
Give yourself time x
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