Stuck in the middle

Isn't it a Tom Petty song that has the line "The waiting is the hardest part"?  Waiting to hear about a job I interviewed for last week, waiting for my recruiter to set up an interview this week, waiting....

It's hard feeling like your life is on hold.  I'm trying to do things I can do now, but honestly, my motivation is pretty low.  It isn't really even about overeating, it's about not feeling like I have any energy.  I just want to sit in a chair and read a book.  I want to be in a cocoon.

I did meet a friend for lunch yesterday, I took the dog for a walk in the park, I fixed a healthy dinner.  I'm NOT just sitting in a chair, but honestly there are a lot of things I could be doing that I'm not! And I waffle between completely understanding and reading a book, and feeling the need to push myself out the door.  So I'm doing a little of both, which I guess isn't terrible.

I'd like to share something I read in the book "50 50" by Dean Karnazes:

"It is so easy to live a life that has been scripted for you by others, to fall into the mire of conformity by following a path that society has laid before you, rather than heeding your own unique calling.  Comfort, complacency, routine, the path of least resistance, the easy road - those things are the bane of humankind. It is a disquieting moment when you awaken to realize the trappings of conventionality have created a life for you that is entirely different from the one you wish to live."

Wow.

There are a lot of things I say I want to do, but don't.  I use lack of (fill in the blank) as an excuse.  I really need to figure out what I honestly want to do, what things I think I SHOULD want to do but don't really, and start. (Cross Fit, kayaking...)

Losing weight is something I actually DO want to do, but am obviously scared of doing.  I am scared of the results and I am scared of giving up my emotional dampener. 

Life is a terrific place, but it isn't always easy.  Right now is tough, and I know I will come out the other side a stronger version of myself if I use the moment to dig deep inside.  It's just sometimes I'm nervous abot what I will find.