Last year got off to a pretty rocky start. I was unemployed and T was maybe 2 months into a new job, which he was quickly realizing was a terrible move. The Florida house had been under contract for nearly a year and hadn't closed. So our stress levels were somewhere around defcon 12.
I set some personal goals, but the reality of 2017 was enduring horrendous levels of stress. The year ended on a much higher note. And there were plenty of good things, but honestly nearly all the year was just covered in a blanket of worry for me.
Weight-wise, I ended the year within a couple of pounds of where I started it. Part of me wants to beat myself up over that. I feel like I'm using the stress as an excuse. T cut that line of thinking short, reminding me that not gaining was its own victory.
We also spent a good amount of time talking about why I regained all the weight I'd lost (and then some). At the end, it all came down to the fact that I didn't feel safe. Not in my relationship, which in turn did terrible damage to my esteem. And just when I was climbing out of that hole came my job loss.
Introspection isn't about excuses - it's about figuring out the why so you can understand how to move on. Right now I am feeling much safer - in my relationship and within my own head. And we are working toward more financial security as well, so that helps.
I hope that in 2018 I can be even more vocal about what I need to feel safe, and what I want in various areas of my life. I have to find the balance I had achieved (precarious though it was) in my time management that allowed me to successfully lose weight while enjoying my hobbies, friends, and family.
Take care.
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