2 more pounds gone. Can I get a woot!?
Many things are going well - exercise & eating, planning & shopping, making good choices. Work is kinda tough right now, I'm suffering from "What is the point?", which I guess is a kinda normal reaction, but I'll check with my counselor when I see her next week.
In the meantime, I keep making good choices and largely going along, feeling pretty grateful and happy.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Not good news on the co-worker front. Stage 4 cancer. Only 2 places in the country treat what she has. Hopefully she'll be able to go to the one only 1.5 hours from where we used to live.
I so wanted a snack this afternoon - I went down to the cafe fully prepared to indulge. I came back with a diet pepsi - nothing looked good. Thank god.
I so wanted a snack this afternoon - I went down to the cafe fully prepared to indulge. I came back with a diet pepsi - nothing looked good. Thank god.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
A friend and co-worker has brain cancer. I don't know what to say, but it is a very tough situation. I feel rotten.
Other than that, life goes on. I'm walking, lifting weights, doing yoga, watching what I eat. Ya ya ya.
The boy is doing pretty well with the virtual school - he's having a tough time with Spanish, but other than that it's much better and he's a lot happier. Hub has a couple more weeks of unemployment - he still hasn't found a full time job, so he'll be going back to the temp agency. Money is going to be even tighter than it is now. I hope we don't have to borrow from our retirement, but if we have to then that is what we do.
Like I said, there is still plenty of stress. Hub remains depressed and it is difficult for both of us. But you know that's life and we're managing and we'll be okay.
Tomorrow I'm meeting a work buddy for an early morningn workout. Yay!
Other than that, life goes on. I'm walking, lifting weights, doing yoga, watching what I eat. Ya ya ya.
The boy is doing pretty well with the virtual school - he's having a tough time with Spanish, but other than that it's much better and he's a lot happier. Hub has a couple more weeks of unemployment - he still hasn't found a full time job, so he'll be going back to the temp agency. Money is going to be even tighter than it is now. I hope we don't have to borrow from our retirement, but if we have to then that is what we do.
Like I said, there is still plenty of stress. Hub remains depressed and it is difficult for both of us. But you know that's life and we're managing and we'll be okay.
Tomorrow I'm meeting a work buddy for an early morningn workout. Yay!
Monday, February 13, 2012
Still here
I was out of town for a long weekend - we went to Georgia to visit my great aunt. We had a lovely time as usual - the weather was cold & windy but sunny. I scored a lovely ring and a necklace for a total of $19 at the antique store. Woot!
I took it easy on exercise last week - I was feeling very sore and run down. Nevertheless, the scale moved well - since I was less active I was more restrictive with food.
Anyway, blah blah but the scale continues it's downward move, which is a good thing. I feel better, am coping better with stress, had a good review, and life moves forward.
I am looking forward to a quiet weekend here with my mom & th eboy out of town.
I took it easy on exercise last week - I was feeling very sore and run down. Nevertheless, the scale moved well - since I was less active I was more restrictive with food.
Anyway, blah blah but the scale continues it's downward move, which is a good thing. I feel better, am coping better with stress, had a good review, and life moves forward.
I am looking forward to a quiet weekend here with my mom & th eboy out of town.
Friday, February 03, 2012
Plodding along
Things here are ... okay. Exercise, yoga, healthy eating choices help deal with the stress, but there's still plenty of that. Some days are better than others. Today the boy is angry & tired of school, the husband is being lazy, and I would really like a beer.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Balance
I've been busy, but things are going well. The valences in the kitchen are done, the curtains are hung in the guest room and the sheers are hemmed and hung, the curtains for the project room are hung. Turns out I had to hem them as well, that's done. I have made 1 of 2 curtains for the dining room.
We went to the Fairchild Tropcical Botanic Garden in Coral Gables - it was AMAZING. If you are ever in Miami, make time to go. It was impressive. It's the 2nd highest rated botanic garden in the world.
Food has been good - I went to WW this morning and I was down 2.2 pounds. I feel like I've got a good handle on food. I know regular yoga is helping so much in dealing with stress (and there is still quite a bit!), as is the exercise. Exercise is also going well. I want to add in kettlebells, but I am at least doing some weight training.
I think the jogging is too much - I'm not at a weight where it feels ok. I am getting a lot of exercise - yoga, weights, walking, step aerobics. By the end of last week I just felt exhausted and ragged out and decided to throttle back to a level that is sustainable before I end up hurting myself.
I just really feel that I've found a good balance of physical activity that keep me feeling better emotionally, which helps with the diet because I'm turning to food less often to meet those needs.
That right there feels amazing.
We went to the Fairchild Tropcical Botanic Garden in Coral Gables - it was AMAZING. If you are ever in Miami, make time to go. It was impressive. It's the 2nd highest rated botanic garden in the world.
Food has been good - I went to WW this morning and I was down 2.2 pounds. I feel like I've got a good handle on food. I know regular yoga is helping so much in dealing with stress (and there is still quite a bit!), as is the exercise. Exercise is also going well. I want to add in kettlebells, but I am at least doing some weight training.
I think the jogging is too much - I'm not at a weight where it feels ok. I am getting a lot of exercise - yoga, weights, walking, step aerobics. By the end of last week I just felt exhausted and ragged out and decided to throttle back to a level that is sustainable before I end up hurting myself.
I just really feel that I've found a good balance of physical activity that keep me feeling better emotionally, which helps with the diet because I'm turning to food less often to meet those needs.
That right there feels amazing.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Lovely day
I took today off and we went to Fairchild Tropical Botanic Garden in Coral Gables - the 2nd best botanic garden in the world. Check out the web site and it's way more awesome than that!
I got up and did my couch to 5K run this morning - I won't lie, it's tough, but it feels good, especially when I stop. *lol*
Diet is going well - I'm within 2 pounds of my 2011 starting weight, which is high, but it's good to know I've nearly undone all the 2011 stress. We'll see what Monday brings (official WW weigh in day), but as of this morning I've lost 3 pounds this week.
Life is good, moving my body feels good, and being outside in that amazing beauty was a real treat.
I got up and did my couch to 5K run this morning - I won't lie, it's tough, but it feels good, especially when I stop. *lol*
Diet is going well - I'm within 2 pounds of my 2011 starting weight, which is high, but it's good to know I've nearly undone all the 2011 stress. We'll see what Monday brings (official WW weigh in day), but as of this morning I've lost 3 pounds this week.
Life is good, moving my body feels good, and being outside in that amazing beauty was a real treat.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Is it Friday yet?
Stressful day at work. Ugh.
Good things: I made it through 30 minutes of step aerobics. I thankfully had much needed yoga at lunch today. I got to work early so I got to leave early. It was a sunny, lovely day and we took the dogs to the park when I got home.
I am taking Friday off, so only 2 more days! :-)
Good things: I made it through 30 minutes of step aerobics. I thankfully had much needed yoga at lunch today. I got to work early so I got to leave early. It was a sunny, lovely day and we took the dogs to the park when I got home.
I am taking Friday off, so only 2 more days! :-)
Monday, January 23, 2012
Posting from home - fail so far
I haven't been very good about posting from home I'm afraid. It's not that anything is bad, just busy.
Weight Watchers is going well - I've lost 5 pounds and so far it's going fine. I'm very active thanks to the fitenss center at work and I've been walking every afternoon with my mom and Jordan.
This weekend I worked on curtains for the house. I have a lot of vintage curtains as well as fabric, and with help from my mom I've figured out what I want to use where. I made the boy new lined tab top curtains for his windows this weekend and bought some decorative curtain rods. I have temporary curtains up (or sheers) so there's no huge rush (obviously, since we've been in the house 5 months!).
The weather is amazing - mid 70s, sunshine, mild nights. I'm still not used to living here yet, but I sure am enjoying the weather!
We thought my MIL was going to have to have back surgery - luckily she doesn't - they are going to do physical therapy. Thank goodness. She needs both knees replaced, but that isn't as urgent. I hate that she's in so much pain & her health is so bad, but she could certainly take some actions to make things better for herself. Oh well, some things never change.
In any case, I'm plugging along!
Weight Watchers is going well - I've lost 5 pounds and so far it's going fine. I'm very active thanks to the fitenss center at work and I've been walking every afternoon with my mom and Jordan.
This weekend I worked on curtains for the house. I have a lot of vintage curtains as well as fabric, and with help from my mom I've figured out what I want to use where. I made the boy new lined tab top curtains for his windows this weekend and bought some decorative curtain rods. I have temporary curtains up (or sheers) so there's no huge rush (obviously, since we've been in the house 5 months!).
The weather is amazing - mid 70s, sunshine, mild nights. I'm still not used to living here yet, but I sure am enjoying the weather!
We thought my MIL was going to have to have back surgery - luckily she doesn't - they are going to do physical therapy. Thank goodness. She needs both knees replaced, but that isn't as urgent. I hate that she's in so much pain & her health is so bad, but she could certainly take some actions to make things better for herself. Oh well, some things never change.
In any case, I'm plugging along!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Another day
So it was a good day. I went in a bit late since I was staying later than usual for a meeting. I made myself breakfast and then headed in. It was a super busy day - loads of meetings. I did have yoga today - the class was huge! But it was very good and it's nice to be back into the routine. I did a bit of my Gilad cardio this afternoon.
Anyway, things are going pretty well - work is going well, the boy is starting virtual school on the 23rd, and the hub is getting some chores done around the house. I love having my mom here - she is so much help.
Anyway, plugging along!
Anyway, things are going pretty well - work is going well, the boy is starting virtual school on the 23rd, and the hub is getting some chores done around the house. I love having my mom here - she is so much help.
Anyway, plugging along!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Checking in
Not being able to post during lunch is a drag. I don't generally get on the computer every night at home. But WW is going ok - I went to my first meeting Monday. Classes started at the work fitness center this week - I am taking a class called "AMP" (athletic movement performance). It's mostly guys - it's a kind of cardio sculpt class. Anyway, I liked it!
The boy is all signed up for virtual school which starts the 23rd. He is excited - I am grateful that my mom is here to help him get used to setting his own schedule.
Hub continues to stuff down his stress with garbage food. He says he isn't ready to do anything about his weight. I hope he chooses to do something before his weight does something to him, ya know?
In any case, I am trying to let go of things I can't control, enjoy the things I have, and challenge myself to want more for me, from me.
The boy is all signed up for virtual school which starts the 23rd. He is excited - I am grateful that my mom is here to help him get used to setting his own schedule.
Hub continues to stuff down his stress with garbage food. He says he isn't ready to do anything about his weight. I hope he chooses to do something before his weight does something to him, ya know?
In any case, I am trying to let go of things I can't control, enjoy the things I have, and challenge myself to want more for me, from me.
Wednesday, January 04, 2012
Living as if...
I think I may have a tough time articulating this, but here I go:
One thing I am working on is "living as if" - living my life as if I were a healthy, active person who doesn't succumb to disordered eating. Making those choices - going to the gym, eating reasonable portions of meals. At the same time, shutting down my internal critic when he tries to put so many restrictions and rules around things that I've created a situation where Ghandi would fail. Do you know what I mean? Do you set unrealistic expectations for yourself? That's the ONLY kind I set for myself!
Another thing: shutting that bit^& up when she starts up. In the gym "Look at yourself! You look like a tea pot with arms working out! You are so fat!" I quickly derail that line with "Yes, but I am in here working on improving my fitness."
I'm just tired of 1) constantly criticizing myself and 2) creating so many rules and restrictions that I am guaranteed failure.
In other words, my goal is good choices, not perfect choices.
I joined Weight Watchers today. Woot! Again, good choices within parameters (points) - but not overly complicating the process.
One thing I am working on is "living as if" - living my life as if I were a healthy, active person who doesn't succumb to disordered eating. Making those choices - going to the gym, eating reasonable portions of meals. At the same time, shutting down my internal critic when he tries to put so many restrictions and rules around things that I've created a situation where Ghandi would fail. Do you know what I mean? Do you set unrealistic expectations for yourself? That's the ONLY kind I set for myself!
Another thing: shutting that bit^& up when she starts up. In the gym "Look at yourself! You look like a tea pot with arms working out! You are so fat!" I quickly derail that line with "Yes, but I am in here working on improving my fitness."
I'm just tired of 1) constantly criticizing myself and 2) creating so many rules and restrictions that I am guaranteed failure.
In other words, my goal is good choices, not perfect choices.
I joined Weight Watchers today. Woot! Again, good choices within parameters (points) - but not overly complicating the process.
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
Le sigh
Today I was working out in the fitness center - doing Gilad's "express workout" dvd - the first disc to be specific. It was a long & tough workout and I was working really hard. I looked like the teapot from "Beauty and the Beast" in the mirror. Pretty depressing.
It's quite cold here - mid 50s today, the cafeteria at work ran out of coccoa packets!
I can no longer post at work - my browser is too old and the new version of blogger (which I find a tad confusing) doesn't speak to it. It's just as well I guess, but still kind of a hassle.
I am working on making good choices - not perfect, maybe not even the best, but "good", ya know? So far so good.
It's quite cold here - mid 50s today, the cafeteria at work ran out of coccoa packets!
I can no longer post at work - my browser is too old and the new version of blogger (which I find a tad confusing) doesn't speak to it. It's just as well I guess, but still kind of a hassle.
I am working on making good choices - not perfect, maybe not even the best, but "good", ya know? So far so good.
Monday, January 02, 2012
Raising awareness
I've mentioned that they are offering WW for free at work this year. I'm not quite sure when the session will start, but I plan to attend!
In the meantime, I am working on making good choices, and tracking food and exercise. I have my purse calendar with pictures from my vision board, a couple of quotes, and a tab on the current page for quickly updating food & exercise as it happens.
I thought work would be busy today, but no - most people are still out. Sweet! Actually, my boss doesn't get back until Wednesday. I thought I was "running late" but I made time to make a green smoothie AND juice for the 3 of us - hub has requested some as well. Nice! And since no one was here, "running late" wasn't the case.
I looked back over the year's weigh ins - I am up 6.6 pounds from the end of last year, but still down 10 pounds from this year's high weight. Not great, but overall I feel like I'm starting the year in a good place.
I wish I hadn't let stress take me over the way it did this year, but I've come out the other end largely okay, so I'm grateful. No "calendar regret" this year over what I might have done.
I've mentioned that they are offering WW for free at work this year. I'm not quite sure when the session will start, but I plan to attend!
In the meantime, I am working on making good choices, and tracking food and exercise. I have my purse calendar with pictures from my vision board, a couple of quotes, and a tab on the current page for quickly updating food & exercise as it happens.
I thought work would be busy today, but no - most people are still out. Sweet! Actually, my boss doesn't get back until Wednesday. I thought I was "running late" but I made time to make a green smoothie AND juice for the 3 of us - hub has requested some as well. Nice! And since no one was here, "running late" wasn't the case.
I looked back over the year's weigh ins - I am up 6.6 pounds from the end of last year, but still down 10 pounds from this year's high weight. Not great, but overall I feel like I'm starting the year in a good place.
I wish I hadn't let stress take me over the way it did this year, but I've come out the other end largely okay, so I'm grateful. No "calendar regret" this year over what I might have done.
Sunday, January 01, 2012
Thursday, December 29, 2011
New year's resolutions?
I recently read a post on resolutions (or intentions, I think the lady called them). The funny thing was, her list was very like mine.
My 3 resolutions, with detail!
1. Plan food & exercise - I already do this pretty well, but it will become more important since a subgoal here is to complete the couch to 5K and do an actual 5K. I must not just plan, but follow through.
2. Log Food & exercise. Not good at this one, but since I plan to join WW at work, it becomes important!
3. Interrupt negative self talk. A couple of things I've read recently: "What has happened in our past does not have to dictate our future. We can choose if we want to move forward. We can choose if we are worth it. We can choose if we want to be stuck." In other words, the only thing holding me back is me.
I have been working on this one a while, and I still struggle, but I continue to strive to understand why.
I recently read a post on resolutions (or intentions, I think the lady called them). The funny thing was, her list was very like mine.
My 3 resolutions, with detail!
1. Plan food & exercise - I already do this pretty well, but it will become more important since a subgoal here is to complete the couch to 5K and do an actual 5K. I must not just plan, but follow through.
2. Log Food & exercise. Not good at this one, but since I plan to join WW at work, it becomes important!
3. Interrupt negative self talk. A couple of things I've read recently: "What has happened in our past does not have to dictate our future. We can choose if we want to move forward. We can choose if we are worth it. We can choose if we want to be stuck." In other words, the only thing holding me back is me.
I have been working on this one a while, and I still struggle, but I continue to strive to understand why.
Not blogger savvy!
I tried changing my template, but wasn't happy with the way it moved all the stuff on the left to the right and didn't give it enough space, so I left it. i tried to figure out who my followers are, but couldn't figure out how to look & see! Grrr. Blogger is easy, but apprently not simplistic enough for me!
Procrastinating. Le sigh.
Had good workouts this week so far. Did a Gilad video with my new workout buddy Tuesday, yesterday we worked out with the personal trainer at work for a total body sculpt class, today we are doing cardio kickboxing - the trainer is going to help us get started. And do some stretching. So that's going well. New session of classes should be starting soon, although it sounds like he won't be having the lunchtime bodysculpt (grrr) - lunch classes aren't as popular here, but I'd rather not stay super late. I'll figure it out.
I tried changing my template, but wasn't happy with the way it moved all the stuff on the left to the right and didn't give it enough space, so I left it. i tried to figure out who my followers are, but couldn't figure out how to look & see! Grrr. Blogger is easy, but apprently not simplistic enough for me!
Procrastinating. Le sigh.
Had good workouts this week so far. Did a Gilad video with my new workout buddy Tuesday, yesterday we worked out with the personal trainer at work for a total body sculpt class, today we are doing cardio kickboxing - the trainer is going to help us get started. And do some stretching. So that's going well. New session of classes should be starting soon, although it sounds like he won't be having the lunchtime bodysculpt (grrr) - lunch classes aren't as popular here, but I'd rather not stay super late. I'll figure it out.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
It's beginning to feel a lot like christmas, er, not so much!
It is a very weird thing to be driving home from work, listening to Christmas music and blasting the AC cause it's 85 degrees! However, last night a "cold snap" came in - it was 58 when I woke up! I had to turn the AC off!!! :-)
Weird as it may be, I understand why folks move here for the weather. You know those mornings you get mid-spring or early fall - the ones where the sky is just this preternatural blue, the air is a mix of gentle warmth with a touch of crisp breeze, and the smell is so clean that you have an overwhelming desire to lace up your sneakers and go for a long walk - oh, to Montana maybe? Do you know what I mean? Well, pretty much every morning here is like that!
I've also tried to cultivate the mindset of going to the carnival freak show every time I leave my house. It helps. (Ive never been to a carnival freak show in real life, but go with it). The other day (in the same drive home from the grocery), mom and I watched "dueling cars" - the guy in the straight lane wanted to go left and the guy in the left turn lane wanted to go straight - then as a double feature we watched someone slow down in the right turn lane, and then execute a U turn across 3 lanes of road. Mom said "I know some of them are old, but do you think that some come from countries that don't really have traffic rules???" Telling you: carnival freak show, with fabulous weather.
My stepbrother is headed out tomorrow - mom and the boy are going to visit my step sister and drop him at a friend's house (he's doing some tile work for them). It's been a nice visit, but we need to get back to our normal chaos.
I've thoroughly enjoyed the 2 weeks of quiet at the office (I've worked 3 days each week) - not sure I'm ready for that to get hectic again!
It's been a good holiday.
It is a very weird thing to be driving home from work, listening to Christmas music and blasting the AC cause it's 85 degrees! However, last night a "cold snap" came in - it was 58 when I woke up! I had to turn the AC off!!! :-)
Weird as it may be, I understand why folks move here for the weather. You know those mornings you get mid-spring or early fall - the ones where the sky is just this preternatural blue, the air is a mix of gentle warmth with a touch of crisp breeze, and the smell is so clean that you have an overwhelming desire to lace up your sneakers and go for a long walk - oh, to Montana maybe? Do you know what I mean? Well, pretty much every morning here is like that!
I've also tried to cultivate the mindset of going to the carnival freak show every time I leave my house. It helps. (Ive never been to a carnival freak show in real life, but go with it). The other day (in the same drive home from the grocery), mom and I watched "dueling cars" - the guy in the straight lane wanted to go left and the guy in the left turn lane wanted to go straight - then as a double feature we watched someone slow down in the right turn lane, and then execute a U turn across 3 lanes of road. Mom said "I know some of them are old, but do you think that some come from countries that don't really have traffic rules???" Telling you: carnival freak show, with fabulous weather.
My stepbrother is headed out tomorrow - mom and the boy are going to visit my step sister and drop him at a friend's house (he's doing some tile work for them). It's been a nice visit, but we need to get back to our normal chaos.
I've thoroughly enjoyed the 2 weeks of quiet at the office (I've worked 3 days each week) - not sure I'm ready for that to get hectic again!
It's been a good holiday.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Happy holidays!
Just a quick note to wish anyone still reading happy holidays. Lots of stuff is going on around here - including healthwise, so I have a lot of catching up to do!
Highlights:
I am starting the couch to 5 k program as soon as my gift from hub arrives - a Timex Ironman watch with intervals you can set - perfect to doing walk/jog alternates of varying lengths! :-)
With the new year, work is offering Weight Watchers at work for free! I am willing to give it another shot since I've heard good stuff about the new program. In the past I tended to save points for junk food, but I understand the program has been redesigned to promote more balanced eating.
I gave up on my Omega juicer - there were fruits & veggies it didn't do well and the opening was so small that it took forever to chop everything! I bought a Jack Lalane at a very reasonable price and I am back to juicing pretty much every day! I find my hunger and cravings are much lower when I drink at least a pint of fresh juice every day.
Hub is home from NC - he is finally done working up there. Hurray! We have a weekend getaway planned (just the 2 of us) for the weekend of the 7th. :-)
Not sure what the new session of fitness classes at work will bring - right now I'm doing 1 stretch, 2 yogas, and 2 weight sessions in addition to my neighborhood walking. Hub and I agreed now isn't a good time to join a gym ($$) so walking will be our main cardio and I'll continue to use the fitness center at work.
I am trying to make healthier foods in more reasonable portions at home. Hub needs so badly to do something about his weight and I know I can't force him to, but I can at least offer healthy meals - well, healthy being relative. There are foods he & the boy refuse to give up, so I'm doing my best in those parameters. It's frustrating.
Mom is on board and she is walking with me some which is great. She is also drinking fresh juice, which is helping with her acid reflux, so that's good.
I've lost 12 pounds from my high weight. I have a way to go, but going in the right direction!
I'm excited that some good changes are coming - not just weight, but in other areas as well!
Just a quick note to wish anyone still reading happy holidays. Lots of stuff is going on around here - including healthwise, so I have a lot of catching up to do!
Highlights:
I am starting the couch to 5 k program as soon as my gift from hub arrives - a Timex Ironman watch with intervals you can set - perfect to doing walk/jog alternates of varying lengths! :-)
With the new year, work is offering Weight Watchers at work for free! I am willing to give it another shot since I've heard good stuff about the new program. In the past I tended to save points for junk food, but I understand the program has been redesigned to promote more balanced eating.
I gave up on my Omega juicer - there were fruits & veggies it didn't do well and the opening was so small that it took forever to chop everything! I bought a Jack Lalane at a very reasonable price and I am back to juicing pretty much every day! I find my hunger and cravings are much lower when I drink at least a pint of fresh juice every day.
Hub is home from NC - he is finally done working up there. Hurray! We have a weekend getaway planned (just the 2 of us) for the weekend of the 7th. :-)
Not sure what the new session of fitness classes at work will bring - right now I'm doing 1 stretch, 2 yogas, and 2 weight sessions in addition to my neighborhood walking. Hub and I agreed now isn't a good time to join a gym ($$) so walking will be our main cardio and I'll continue to use the fitness center at work.
I am trying to make healthier foods in more reasonable portions at home. Hub needs so badly to do something about his weight and I know I can't force him to, but I can at least offer healthy meals - well, healthy being relative. There are foods he & the boy refuse to give up, so I'm doing my best in those parameters. It's frustrating.
Mom is on board and she is walking with me some which is great. She is also drinking fresh juice, which is helping with her acid reflux, so that's good.
I've lost 12 pounds from my high weight. I have a way to go, but going in the right direction!
I'm excited that some good changes are coming - not just weight, but in other areas as well!
Friday, December 02, 2011
Ugh
Tuesday I received a portion of my grandmother's ashes in the mail, along with a note from my aunt. She had asked if we would scatter a portion of grandma's ashes on her parents' graves here in Ft. Lauderdale, which of course we will. She also let us know the date for my grandmother's memorial service in Arden and asked if I wanted to say a few words.
I doubt any of my half siblings will be there, but I'm pretty sure my dad will be. But I didn't get to say good-bye, I didn't go to the funeral, and dangit I want to be at the memorial service. My aunt said she felt like an outsider at the funeral - she isn't close to my dad and doesn't know any of my half siblings really. So it would be nice to be there for her as well. And I would like to see my aunt - grandma asked her not to speak to me or mom when grandma quit speaking to us (I don't know why and that's a whole other story). Good lord that side of the family is chock full o' disfunction.
Anyway, my aunt feels badly about that. I think she also realizes that my mom, son, and me are her best shot at family. My dad is a selfish person and they aren't close. His other kids are pretty self absorbed (my aunt asked my half sister for a ride from the bus stop to the train station in High Point - myabe 15 miles. My half sister (an episcopalian priest) refused because it wasn't convenient.)
Anyway, there isn't really anyone else. My grandma wasn't speaking to her oldest sister, who took all their mother's stuff when Nana died - included what was intended for everyone else. So, my aunt has us and 2 cousins she doesn't really know and that's about it.
I'd like to go - it would be a nice chance to see soem friends up in Asheville and re-connect with my aunt. But dealing with my dad is the stuff of nightmares. Well, the service is end of March so I have a while to think about it.
Tuesday I received a portion of my grandmother's ashes in the mail, along with a note from my aunt. She had asked if we would scatter a portion of grandma's ashes on her parents' graves here in Ft. Lauderdale, which of course we will. She also let us know the date for my grandmother's memorial service in Arden and asked if I wanted to say a few words.
I doubt any of my half siblings will be there, but I'm pretty sure my dad will be. But I didn't get to say good-bye, I didn't go to the funeral, and dangit I want to be at the memorial service. My aunt said she felt like an outsider at the funeral - she isn't close to my dad and doesn't know any of my half siblings really. So it would be nice to be there for her as well. And I would like to see my aunt - grandma asked her not to speak to me or mom when grandma quit speaking to us (I don't know why and that's a whole other story). Good lord that side of the family is chock full o' disfunction.
Anyway, my aunt feels badly about that. I think she also realizes that my mom, son, and me are her best shot at family. My dad is a selfish person and they aren't close. His other kids are pretty self absorbed (my aunt asked my half sister for a ride from the bus stop to the train station in High Point - myabe 15 miles. My half sister (an episcopalian priest) refused because it wasn't convenient.)
Anyway, there isn't really anyone else. My grandma wasn't speaking to her oldest sister, who took all their mother's stuff when Nana died - included what was intended for everyone else. So, my aunt has us and 2 cousins she doesn't really know and that's about it.
I'd like to go - it would be a nice chance to see soem friends up in Asheville and re-connect with my aunt. But dealing with my dad is the stuff of nightmares. Well, the service is end of March so I have a while to think about it.
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