I’m Still Fat

It pains me to write those words. I mean, I’ve lost something like 25 pounds. Not as much as many folks, but nothing to sneeze at either. I’ve gone from no exercise to regular exercise in under 2 years. I’ve accomplished huge amounts in the gym and on the road. I’m proud of that. But I’m still fat.

I actually forget sometimes. I mean, I feel good – I’m active and enjoy a number of activities. I take more pride in my appearance than I used to. While I’m hardly Tammy Faye, I actually make a point of putting on a little make-up every day. And I start the day with lipstick (although I can never remember to re-apply!). I keep my toenails painted cute colors. This year I discovered pedicures, eyebrow waxing, and Sephora – mostly thanks to reading weight loss blogs!

But because I basically feel good about myself & am happy with my life, I tend to forget. Then something happens. Like having to return size 14 capris cause they don’t fit! Like, hello??? All my jeans are 14, and most are loose. My slacks are 12. But those dumb Wal-M capris were too tight in the hips & huge in the waist! Back they went. Yesterday I ran errands in a size 14 pair of shorts that were in danger of falling off. While I haven’t tried on everything, I am aware of 2 pair of shorts that fit me these days.

Even though I am short, I’m not small. I was “blessed” with a large bone structure. And I put on muscle easily and have a fairly muscled upper body. I will always wear a large shirt because of the broadness of my shoulders. But they don’t look very broad in proportion because I carry most of my extra weight in hips & upper thighs. And now that I’m down to the last 10-15 pounds, its all hanging out there. I’ll lose a little other places, but that’s where its mostly gonna come off. Because of the big hip, tiny waist thing, I can’t find anything that fits.

It really bothers me. At this point, I realize the majority of what is left is “vanity weight”. It’ll give me a little more energy, and make running a little easier, but mostly now its about getting back into my 50 million pairs of jeans – all of which are sizes 10, 11, and 12. I want to wear those pants!!!!!! And my nice dress slacks from my bank days. I want to look nice in clothes. Is that too much to ask? “Dear Neca, please stop putting crap in your mouth so we can look nice in a pair of jeans. Love, your thighs”.