Stuck and frustrated - Or, a year in review (AKA brain dump)

The weekend before Christmas I gained 1.6 pounds and the scale has been stuck there ever since.  No matter how much exercise or watching what I eat, it won't budge.  I'm pretty frustrated with the scale.

Honestly, I'm frustrated with a lot of things.  This has been a hard year and while some things have improved, other things have not.

I find myself at a bit of a crossroads here at the end of 2014.  

Work: Let's be honest, my job kinda went in the crapper.  I worked for a great company and I had a job I really enjoyed - until I moved to Florida.  Then I had a boss that had her "click", and I wasn't a part.  Then she left, but then we were re-organized, and I felt horribly under utilized as the department degenerated into a goat screw.  But new big boss waltzed out after 16 months and left us (and the company) holding the flaming bag of poop.  Our VP was invited to retire, and they tried to "fix" things - but people were fleeing the department like Pompeii.  

I was very nervous about leaving (I'd been with the company 14 years).  But leave I did and I'm with another very good company doing a job I like with a boss I like.  The issue is that I am a contractor.  I got to move back to NC, but with a substantial pay cut and cut in perks and benefits.  That's been tough.  Job security is pretty much an oxymoron anymore, so I'm okay with that part.  It's more just the sense that you are a second class employee.  So even though I'm pretty happy, this situation isn't permanent.

Living circumstances:  Again, mixed bag.  I moved back to NC from Ft. Lauderdale - and I'm very glad about that!  I managed to get my house leased out to a tenant that plans to buy it as soon as she gets her finances in order (another 6 months or so).  I am getting enough in rent to pay the mortgage.  Hopefully we'll even get a bit out of the house above what we put down on it. 

But because I own a big, pricey house AND have a temp job, getting a mortgage right now is pretty much impossible.  The idea when I moved up here was that I would stay with my mom temporarily until I found a house.  Eight months later, and I'm still in my childhood room.  While I love my mom and appreciate everything she does, this is NOT an ideal situation - for anyone.  The thought was that we'd save money while we're here, but that hasn't happened.  Between unforeseen circumstances (do you know how much an emergency room visit costs with crappy, temp insurance?) and a husband incapable of saving a dime.... yeah.

Son:  My son bought a houseboat when he graduated from high school.  He hasn't found a direction in life, and is drifting along, working a little and depending on his grandma for the rest.  I don't know what to do at this point.  I didn't know what I wanted to do either at his age, which is why I joined the Army.  Cause mooching off the parents was out of the question.  I hope he figures it out - he's a good kid, but he needs to get his shit together.  He's not in any trouble (drinking, drugs - thank GOD), but I worry.  I want him to be independent and mature.  He's 19 - maybe I'm expecting too much.  I dunno.

MIL: OMG, where do I even start on this one???  First of all, let me quote from Dear Abby, from a response she wrote to someone who was dealing with a mother that constantly criticized her, while praising her siblings to the skies: " It is not unusual for a dysfunctional parent to single out one child to treat poorly. You should feel sorry that your mother is so insecure and unhappy and resolve to do better in your own life."

Wow.  That is my MIL perfectly.  Someone so broken, that the only role she is capable of playing in her own life is helpless victim.  Someone who expects to be cared for by everyone around her because she is incapable of doing so.  That is how she sees herself.  She didn't raise her children.  She allowed my husband to be abused, and constantly criticizes him, yet he is the only one who will do anything for her.  She eats like an unsupervised 5 year old, yet her out of control diabetes has nothing to do with the emergency eye surgery she is having in 2 weeks for macular degeneration.  

I pity her, but I also resent the hell out of the fact that I am expected (by her and the rest of my husband's family) to buy Christmas gifts, pay for medicines, buy gas, buy new tires for her car etc. etc. this month because victims don't balance their checkbooks or manage their money (granted, she has very little).  And all without a thank you.  Just like she expects my mom to care for her after the surgery because there is no one else.

And lastly, my husband:  I love him.  I've been careful about what I've written here - I don't want to say too much or go into details that aren't exclusively mine to share.  I will say this:  My husband was very resentful when my job transferred us to Florida.  He didn't want to go, he blamed me, and he punished me.  He says he's matured, but many things still feel very one sided, and that's something that I have to address in the new year as well.

Maybe its Peri-menopause, maybe it's circumstances, maybe it's a combination of a lot of things.  I've been blessed with some opportunities, I'm grateful for the support I've received, but I also have a lot of work to do on things in the coming year.

I'd like to lose a few more pounds too. *lol*

Take care, and thanks if you've stuck with this long-winded post to the bitter end!!