While different, this week has been as difficult as I've had since the separation. For so much of my life, I've done what a lot of girls who were raised without a strong, positive male influence do: looked to men for affirmation. I thought I was past that, but I realized that no, not really.
I didn't realize how much of my sense of identity and self worth was tied into being a successful employee at a major corporation, making a good home, being a good wife and mother. Now I'm a contractor, living in someone else's home, without a husband, and a grown son who isn't nearly as dependent on me as he once was.
No wonder I'm adrift. It's not just the level of uncertainty. It's the realization that I don't have a good handle on who I am. I feel like my yardsticks for measuring my self worth are gone. I don't know what I do to add value to the world.
So what's next? I have no clue. This last week was a mess. I HAVE to be done with that - it's getting me nowhere. I'm just not sure how to proceed.
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1 comment:
awww. :( Any hobbies you've been interested in, in the past, but never developed or actually done much of? Now would be a good time.
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