Thursday, April 30, 2020
Fail fast
This has been a super rough week emotionally. I have made poor choices, and have felt a tremendous amount of shame and self loathing over those choices. That is a terrible place to be. Instead to hiding those feelings, I have said them out loud. I have started fresh every day even if the day before was a shit show. I feel like a plane that's been on a trajectory toward the ground. The last 3 days I've begun to pull out of the dive. I can't say I've been wildly successful, but each day has seen some improvement. Right now that may be my definition of "wildly successful."
There is a difference between giving something time to work versus realizing it isn't working and doing something different. I tried to start tracking on SparkPeople and it felt like punishment. Instead of tracking half a day & giving up every day (or just plain giving up), I'm going back to my paper tracking. Right now I need the accountability - even if all I do is write down everything I eat. That will help me take a moment between the desire & the act of shoving something in my mouth.
Last night T wanted a milkshake and Susie and I rode in the car with him. I was afraid that if I were home alone I would binge while he was gone. Secret eating/ drinking - those are really scary behaviors. It's been a long time since I felt the need to eat or drink in secret. If that means I can't be in the house alone right now, then so be it.
Do what you need to do to take care of yourselves.
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3 comments:
Hang in there - these are trying times in unique circumstances -Beth
You know yourself and are doing what you can to counteract your possible negative choices. I call that a win!!
You are spot on when you said “There is a difference between giving something time to work versus realizing it isn't working and doing something different.”. For me I know a life style change only works if it is something I can/will do for the long term. I have tried all the fads and they simply didn’t work for me. Hunger always wins. So I try to eat what I like, just less of it. I calorie count with paper and scale & it really does keep me in control. Even if I go over some, it never completely goes into binge. But when I don’t, it can get ugly. But every day we get a do over. Please don’t beat yourself up. You will get this figured out.
Paula C
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