Bare minimum.
In an amazing turn of events, I now have my husband’s summer cold. Gah. I woke up with a horrid headache. And we didn’t sleep very well because we had a storm, which meant Chyna was trying to climb out of her skin and into ours. The vet has some all natural drops to try – if that doesn’t work, then we’ll look into something stronger.
I wanted to sleep in, but I got my butt out of the bed, into some clothes, and into the car – clutching my cup of diet Pepsi like a life preserver (which it is!). I did the bare minimum workout – a warm-up plus 3 sets of intervals (1 minute of running from Freddy Kreuger and 2 minutes of active recovery). I did cut a couple of minutes off the cool down. But I was glad to have it out of the way for the day. I wish I could go home and die, but I’m afraid there’s a bit of housework to be done. Not too much, thankfully!
That is all.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Mike Roussell - The 6 Pillars of Nutrition
1. Eat five to six times a day.
2. Limit your consumption of sugars and processed foods.
3. Eat fruits and vegetables throughout the day.
4. Drink more water and cut out calorie-containing beverages (beer, soda, etc.).
5. Focus on consuming lean proteins throughout the day.
6. Save starch containing foods until after a workout or for breakfast.
For the curious, these are the nutrition principles I am following (other than 4 free meals per week).
1. Eat five to six times a day.
2. Limit your consumption of sugars and processed foods.
3. Eat fruits and vegetables throughout the day.
4. Drink more water and cut out calorie-containing beverages (beer, soda, etc.).
5. Focus on consuming lean proteins throughout the day.
6. Save starch containing foods until after a workout or for breakfast.
For the curious, these are the nutrition principles I am following (other than 4 free meals per week).
Dear Angela,
From yesterday’s comments: “Are you wanting to do this? I mean, are you wanting to do the working out eating right sticking to it and being in the groove sort of thing? Please tell me you aren't. Please tell me you are just DOING IT even though it is kind of not on your top ten list of favorite things to be doing right now. Because I CAN'T GET BACK INTO IT TO SAVE MY LIFE. And it is scaring me. A whole lot. And so if you are just doing it and not waiting to want to, maybe I can do that too. Argh. This has been the pits.”
No, I am not wanting to do this. As I walk to my car in the 90 degree heat, the thought of the gym does not thrill. I don’t do a happy dance when I pull half a chicken breast and sliced tomato out of my lunch box for a morning sack. I’ll even fess to a tinge of guilty relief when my sick husband asked me to skip spin class last night to get him some kim chi ji gae from the Korean restaurant (hot as hades soup which is the cure for the common cold).
I don’t want to buy a new wardrobe either. I have almost no long pants that fit. If it weren’t for these cheap capris I found at W-M (and bought 6 pair), I’d be working from home in a bath robe. I am worried. I have gained 20 pounds in the past 18 months and can’t seem to lose. I have an appointment with my doctor next week to discuss. I’m considering asking for a prescription for an appetite suppressant (which I seriously doubt she’ll give me) because I don’t want to be hungry all the time, but I can’t keep gaining weight either. I got up and walked this morning so I could get in an hour of exercise today. I am beginning to get freaky about missing a workout. I feel like this is harder than it should be, but I don’t know why.
Motivation is overrated. Are you motivated to brush your teeth? Wash your face? Probably not – it’s just something you do to take care of yourself. Healthy food & exercise is the same thing, just on a bigger scale. Unfortunately, I sometimes skip that evening face washing and teeth brushing on the weekend too.
I wish I had some profound insight – I don’t, other than my spiel above about motivation.
Some random observations: Just do it is actually pretty profound. Don’t open the dialogue with yourself when you don’t feel like it. Hang up the phone. Make it non negotiable (unless your husband is sick! ha). It’s hard to hit the vending machine when you have no money in your wallet. Real food looks better when you are truly physically hungry. Walking IS exercise, even if you are listening to the birdies and enjoying the view.
I’ll hang in there if you will.
From yesterday’s comments: “Are you wanting to do this? I mean, are you wanting to do the working out eating right sticking to it and being in the groove sort of thing? Please tell me you aren't. Please tell me you are just DOING IT even though it is kind of not on your top ten list of favorite things to be doing right now. Because I CAN'T GET BACK INTO IT TO SAVE MY LIFE. And it is scaring me. A whole lot. And so if you are just doing it and not waiting to want to, maybe I can do that too. Argh. This has been the pits.”
No, I am not wanting to do this. As I walk to my car in the 90 degree heat, the thought of the gym does not thrill. I don’t do a happy dance when I pull half a chicken breast and sliced tomato out of my lunch box for a morning sack. I’ll even fess to a tinge of guilty relief when my sick husband asked me to skip spin class last night to get him some kim chi ji gae from the Korean restaurant (hot as hades soup which is the cure for the common cold).
I don’t want to buy a new wardrobe either. I have almost no long pants that fit. If it weren’t for these cheap capris I found at W-M (and bought 6 pair), I’d be working from home in a bath robe. I am worried. I have gained 20 pounds in the past 18 months and can’t seem to lose. I have an appointment with my doctor next week to discuss. I’m considering asking for a prescription for an appetite suppressant (which I seriously doubt she’ll give me) because I don’t want to be hungry all the time, but I can’t keep gaining weight either. I got up and walked this morning so I could get in an hour of exercise today. I am beginning to get freaky about missing a workout. I feel like this is harder than it should be, but I don’t know why.
Motivation is overrated. Are you motivated to brush your teeth? Wash your face? Probably not – it’s just something you do to take care of yourself. Healthy food & exercise is the same thing, just on a bigger scale. Unfortunately, I sometimes skip that evening face washing and teeth brushing on the weekend too.
I wish I had some profound insight – I don’t, other than my spiel above about motivation.
Some random observations: Just do it is actually pretty profound. Don’t open the dialogue with yourself when you don’t feel like it. Hang up the phone. Make it non negotiable (unless your husband is sick! ha). It’s hard to hit the vending machine when you have no money in your wallet. Real food looks better when you are truly physically hungry. Walking IS exercise, even if you are listening to the birdies and enjoying the view.
I’ll hang in there if you will.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Morning workouts that .. work out
I am finally getting into the groove of working out in the morning (knock on wood). I was able to get up at 5 yesterday and today to hit the gym for my HIIT (get it? Ha ha ha!) Yesterday was nearly tragic as my MP3 died 4 minutes into my workout! But since I’d made all the effort to get there I did the minimum. Luckily, hub was able to re-set it – I was afraid it had died.
Speaking of hub, I think he had a nice father’s day. I took him to Cracker Barrel for breakfast (his fave), we grilled out steak for lunch, and he got fried chicken for dinner. We just futzed around the house and he & my mom went to the movies yesterday afternoon.
I did not go to the movies. Saturday I was really grumpy and just generally had a frustrating didn’t-get-very-much-accomplished kind of day. Yesterday I was able to get a lot of sewing done, take a 20 minute power nap, do my cooking, and have a nice tub bath. Way to pull out the weekend!
I went to the bank with my mom today (she doesn’t like doing that sort of thing herself). She is buying a used VW Cabrio. She’s wanted one for a while and this one is very nice. It’s so cool to see my mom really enjoying her retirement.
I didn’t work out Saturday, but did get to the gym Sunday. I did HIIT this morning, and I’m signed up for spin class this afternoon. I tried to actually eat things like vegetables this weekend, which really does make it easier to feel full.
Well, that’s about all I know. How was your weekend?
I am finally getting into the groove of working out in the morning (knock on wood). I was able to get up at 5 yesterday and today to hit the gym for my HIIT (get it? Ha ha ha!) Yesterday was nearly tragic as my MP3 died 4 minutes into my workout! But since I’d made all the effort to get there I did the minimum. Luckily, hub was able to re-set it – I was afraid it had died.
Speaking of hub, I think he had a nice father’s day. I took him to Cracker Barrel for breakfast (his fave), we grilled out steak for lunch, and he got fried chicken for dinner. We just futzed around the house and he & my mom went to the movies yesterday afternoon.
I did not go to the movies. Saturday I was really grumpy and just generally had a frustrating didn’t-get-very-much-accomplished kind of day. Yesterday I was able to get a lot of sewing done, take a 20 minute power nap, do my cooking, and have a nice tub bath. Way to pull out the weekend!
I went to the bank with my mom today (she doesn’t like doing that sort of thing herself). She is buying a used VW Cabrio. She’s wanted one for a while and this one is very nice. It’s so cool to see my mom really enjoying her retirement.
I didn’t work out Saturday, but did get to the gym Sunday. I did HIIT this morning, and I’m signed up for spin class this afternoon. I tried to actually eat things like vegetables this weekend, which really does make it easier to feel full.
Well, that’s about all I know. How was your weekend?
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Party like its 1988!
Good news: I got my car back! I got it today at lunch. Bad news: haven’t been to the gym cause I haven’t been able to go anywhere! At least I’ve been watching my eating. And last night I did get the 57 million bags of baby clothes sorted my mom brought over from her attic. I am keeping only a few – the rest are going to a friend that had a baby last month.
My son was dying to go to Ozzfest. Tickets were free this year (this is the last year), but you had to get a code to then go in & redeem for tickets. My router died as I hit the confirm button (curse technology! OTOH, I didn’t spend 4 hours in a line at the Ticketmaster outlet.) We tried all day yesterday and were never able to secure tickets. But as a consolation prize, we are taking the boy and a chum to see the Ratt/ Poison/ Vains of Jenna concert. The latter is a new Swedish band filling in after White Lion had to back out. I have seen both Ratt and Poison in concert (I’ve seen most 80s metal bands in concert. Some twice). They were good 20 years ago, and I still like the music. It’ll be a good time I think.
I never did hit the tree – we had a storm last night. So I sorted clothes. I am staying home this weekend – I’m looking forward to it.
Good news: I got my car back! I got it today at lunch. Bad news: haven’t been to the gym cause I haven’t been able to go anywhere! At least I’ve been watching my eating. And last night I did get the 57 million bags of baby clothes sorted my mom brought over from her attic. I am keeping only a few – the rest are going to a friend that had a baby last month.
My son was dying to go to Ozzfest. Tickets were free this year (this is the last year), but you had to get a code to then go in & redeem for tickets. My router died as I hit the confirm button (curse technology! OTOH, I didn’t spend 4 hours in a line at the Ticketmaster outlet.) We tried all day yesterday and were never able to secure tickets. But as a consolation prize, we are taking the boy and a chum to see the Ratt/ Poison/ Vains of Jenna concert. The latter is a new Swedish band filling in after White Lion had to back out. I have seen both Ratt and Poison in concert (I’ve seen most 80s metal bands in concert. Some twice). They were good 20 years ago, and I still like the music. It’ll be a good time I think.
I never did hit the tree – we had a storm last night. So I sorted clothes. I am staying home this weekend – I’m looking forward to it.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Mrs. Crankypants is in the house!
People: this has been a weird week. Sunday was the thing with my son. Monday I was home sick with stomach “issues” (probably generated by the greasy take-out spaghetti that was my dinner Sunday). I never went to the gym Monday, needless to say.
Yesterday I was feeling better until I got in my car to go to the gym because the interior was roughly the surface temperature of the sun (Oh my god! Please back that super big gulp tanker truck of diet Pepsi over here it is SO hot, okay?). Instead of the gym I went to the car dealer.
When I got home I was not a happy camper. Hub was home late because he was at the Alltel store getting a new phone because his died. THEN I got to spend 2 hours online trying to the tickets to Ozzfest, only when I went to hit “confirm” for my tickets my internet crashed (it is still down). I checked my email this morning – no tickets.
Oh, and I called my gym last night to sign up for tonight’s spin class (you can only sign up 24 hours in advance). It was already full – I called at 6:25. Suck.
Hub went to the store and I caved and asked for a beer. What I discovered this morning was that he also brought me a giant ice cream sandwich because he “thought I might want one.” Now, I take responsibility for what I put in my pie hole, but this is 24 hours after the big tearful talk where I asked him to please be supportive in my efforts to lose weight. Way to be supportive. Gee, enable much?
Where does all this leave me? I haven’t been to the gym since Saturday, the thing with my son triggered a full blown binge, and the only way to describe how I am feeling about my efforts to make my lifestyle more healthy? Defeated. Maybe I should go to 6:30 yoga instead. Either that or go hit a tree with a stick.
People: this has been a weird week. Sunday was the thing with my son. Monday I was home sick with stomach “issues” (probably generated by the greasy take-out spaghetti that was my dinner Sunday). I never went to the gym Monday, needless to say.
Yesterday I was feeling better until I got in my car to go to the gym because the interior was roughly the surface temperature of the sun (Oh my god! Please back that super big gulp tanker truck of diet Pepsi over here it is SO hot, okay?). Instead of the gym I went to the car dealer.
When I got home I was not a happy camper. Hub was home late because he was at the Alltel store getting a new phone because his died. THEN I got to spend 2 hours online trying to the tickets to Ozzfest, only when I went to hit “confirm” for my tickets my internet crashed (it is still down). I checked my email this morning – no tickets.
Oh, and I called my gym last night to sign up for tonight’s spin class (you can only sign up 24 hours in advance). It was already full – I called at 6:25. Suck.
Hub went to the store and I caved and asked for a beer. What I discovered this morning was that he also brought me a giant ice cream sandwich because he “thought I might want one.” Now, I take responsibility for what I put in my pie hole, but this is 24 hours after the big tearful talk where I asked him to please be supportive in my efforts to lose weight. Way to be supportive. Gee, enable much?
Where does all this leave me? I haven’t been to the gym since Saturday, the thing with my son triggered a full blown binge, and the only way to describe how I am feeling about my efforts to make my lifestyle more healthy? Defeated. Maybe I should go to 6:30 yoga instead. Either that or go hit a tree with a stick.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Wassup?
Hellew! I was home sick yesterday, but I am feeling better today! I did nothing yesterday but read a book. I can be some serious lazy, let me tell you. Tonight I am sorting through some old baby clothes so hub can take them to a friend this weekend. I want to keep a few, but good grief! My mom is cleaning out her attic. She has lived in that house since 1971 and I am amazed the ceiling hasn’t collapsed under the weight of all the junk up there. Go mom!
My son has decided he wants to live with his grandpa. Which is totally out of the question, even if his wife would permit it (no way in he!!). Cable in the bedroom? No chores? Junk to eat? Well, duh – it feels like Disneyland up there compared to home. I think puberty is going to drive me right over the edge. Really. I know its largely the age, but sometimes my son acts so darn spoiled – and he isn’t. Ugh.
I am going to visit trainer 1 this afternoon, then go do 30 minutes of cardio over at my gym. Then go home for a quick supper & baby clothes sorting. I know you all envy my life.
Have a good one!
Hellew! I was home sick yesterday, but I am feeling better today! I did nothing yesterday but read a book. I can be some serious lazy, let me tell you. Tonight I am sorting through some old baby clothes so hub can take them to a friend this weekend. I want to keep a few, but good grief! My mom is cleaning out her attic. She has lived in that house since 1971 and I am amazed the ceiling hasn’t collapsed under the weight of all the junk up there. Go mom!
My son has decided he wants to live with his grandpa. Which is totally out of the question, even if his wife would permit it (no way in he!!). Cable in the bedroom? No chores? Junk to eat? Well, duh – it feels like Disneyland up there compared to home. I think puberty is going to drive me right over the edge. Really. I know its largely the age, but sometimes my son acts so darn spoiled – and he isn’t. Ugh.
I am going to visit trainer 1 this afternoon, then go do 30 minutes of cardio over at my gym. Then go home for a quick supper & baby clothes sorting. I know you all envy my life.
Have a good one!
Friday, June 08, 2007
What the World Eats
I found a link to a Time magazine photo essay “What the World Eats” – an excerpt from the book “Hungry Planet.” Check it out: http://www.time.com/time/photogallery/0,29307,1626519,00.html
Anyway, Athena mentioned it in her blog, which reminded me of it. I meant to write a post about it, but with the writing muse on vacation, I promptly forgot. I put the book in my Amazon wish list – I’d love for my son to see it, and to see the rest of it. I also thought this might be an interesting experiment: post a shopping list for my family for a week, and a photo of the food I buy. Now, that would be an interesting meme! I am always curious about what other people eat, and I am forever stealing glances at other people’s carts – it’s like a glimpse into their inner lives. Does that make me nosy?
So I was starting to feel good about my whole “mindful eating with forgiveness’ schtick when I paid a visit to trainer #1 yesterday. Who pointed out to me that you can’t out-train lousy nutrition and was I ready to kick it up a notch and really start seeing the results of my hard work? I’m still staying away from the scale though!
We went out for Japanese last night – I had a California roll, hibachi veggies & shrimp, and about half my rice. My snack later was an NA “beer” and a sugar free frozen ice. Dinner wasn’t bad, but that snack was off kilter.
I brought in cupcakes, but left none at home for myself (3 for hub). This morning I intend to sit down & plan out my food for the weekend. Ugh. He’s right, but I’m not too happy about the harsh cold reality of which he speaks.
I found a link to a Time magazine photo essay “What the World Eats” – an excerpt from the book “Hungry Planet.” Check it out: http://www.time.com/time/photogallery/0,29307,1626519,00.html
Anyway, Athena mentioned it in her blog, which reminded me of it. I meant to write a post about it, but with the writing muse on vacation, I promptly forgot. I put the book in my Amazon wish list – I’d love for my son to see it, and to see the rest of it. I also thought this might be an interesting experiment: post a shopping list for my family for a week, and a photo of the food I buy. Now, that would be an interesting meme! I am always curious about what other people eat, and I am forever stealing glances at other people’s carts – it’s like a glimpse into their inner lives. Does that make me nosy?
So I was starting to feel good about my whole “mindful eating with forgiveness’ schtick when I paid a visit to trainer #1 yesterday. Who pointed out to me that you can’t out-train lousy nutrition and was I ready to kick it up a notch and really start seeing the results of my hard work? I’m still staying away from the scale though!
We went out for Japanese last night – I had a California roll, hibachi veggies & shrimp, and about half my rice. My snack later was an NA “beer” and a sugar free frozen ice. Dinner wasn’t bad, but that snack was off kilter.
I brought in cupcakes, but left none at home for myself (3 for hub). This morning I intend to sit down & plan out my food for the weekend. Ugh. He’s right, but I’m not too happy about the harsh cold reality of which he speaks.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Let them eat (cup)cakes!
You see I am clever (and evil). Last night I dreamed of cupcakes. Oh, how I want a cupcake. I'm not even that in to cake! My solution? Make cupcakes and bring them in to the office! Better yet, bring in plain cupcakes and frosting & sprinkles on the side so we can each build our very own individualized cupcake. Team building! Huzzah! Thankfully I am on a team that enjoys food and doesn't feel like they are being sucked in against their wills.
I am #1 in the queue at my library to read that book "Perfect Girls, Starving daughters". After reading some blog entries on it, I think it is something I should probably read. Today I am picking up "Suite française", which is another book that I am anxious to read. I will report back.
Exercise is going good. I am avoiding the scale because it was making me nuts. I am trying to make healthy choices, trying not to beat myself up when I fail, and trying to be a bit happier in the skin I currently inhabit rather than thinking that happiness is 10 pounds away.
Chyna got a hair cut. Due to the matting of her undercoat, they shaved her - giving her a "lion cut." I told her I am renaming her "Fifi." She looks cute, but different!
I still got nothing, blogwise. My writing muse is on vacation. but I just wanted you to know that I'm still here, hitting the gym daily.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Feast or famine
Sometimes my life feels like a ping pong ball. Like my hub’s work situation for example: he is currently working 6 days a week, 9 hour days. Now, we certainly do need the money and we are both grateful he is working. I am also thankful this coincides with the boy being out of school. That extra bit of time gives me the luxury of picking up some of the proverbial slack so hub doesn’t have so much to do at home.
I never quite finished cooking on Sunday, which meant that both yesterday and this morning I was frantically finishing up stuff for ye olde lunchbox. (Note: simpler lunch next week!). That also meant no morning exercise. Last night I did a spin class, and tonight I’ll just have to suck it up and hit the gym after lifting weights with trainer 1. So exercise is going fine.
Sunday was very nice. It rained all day and was cool – I opened the French doors off my dining & living rooms and listened to the rain while sewing in the dining room. It was one of those days you hold onto because it’s so simple, yet so pleasurable. Saturday morning we took the boat out, and that afternoon a friend came over for a visit. All in all, a nice weekend.
I don’t have a lot to say, but I did want to at least check in!
Sometimes my life feels like a ping pong ball. Like my hub’s work situation for example: he is currently working 6 days a week, 9 hour days. Now, we certainly do need the money and we are both grateful he is working. I am also thankful this coincides with the boy being out of school. That extra bit of time gives me the luxury of picking up some of the proverbial slack so hub doesn’t have so much to do at home.
I never quite finished cooking on Sunday, which meant that both yesterday and this morning I was frantically finishing up stuff for ye olde lunchbox. (Note: simpler lunch next week!). That also meant no morning exercise. Last night I did a spin class, and tonight I’ll just have to suck it up and hit the gym after lifting weights with trainer 1. So exercise is going fine.
Sunday was very nice. It rained all day and was cool – I opened the French doors off my dining & living rooms and listened to the rain while sewing in the dining room. It was one of those days you hold onto because it’s so simple, yet so pleasurable. Saturday morning we took the boat out, and that afternoon a friend came over for a visit. All in all, a nice weekend.
I don’t have a lot to say, but I did want to at least check in!
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Parents look forward to summer too!
I love summer. The funny thing is, as an adult I love many of the same things I loved as a child. For example: no homework. Do you know how tired I am of asking about, helping with, nagging, quizzing, and internet surfing – all in the name of homework? No, I am not a mom that does her child’s homework. But I have to make sure it’s done, quiz on material, help some with the internet (although he is getting much better), etc etc. Just being supportive is tiring!
Also, free time. I had those really cool childhoods where we belonged to the pool down the road and I’d go spend weeks with my grandparents having all sorts of cool adventures. Staying with my grandparents are some of my happiest childhood memories. My cousin & I would stay, and then my mom & uncle would take time off work & come & spend time with all of us going to the beach or something. It was magical.
My son enjoys similar experiences. His grandpa lives about an hour away, and his grandma a half hour. His uncle (my ex step brother) lives down the street from his grandpa. His summers are spent at the lake - kayaking, fishing, swimming, and hanging out with pals. Because the hub & I both work, he spends the week with a grandparent, going back & forth as schedules & vacations dictate.
He loves it, and we love the extra time it gives us during the week. I can come in early enough to leave at 3, or come in late & stay late. I make my husband & I 2 meals apiece, which we simply heat up at our convenience – no cooking dinner every night! Summertime I get a taste of what life without kids is like - it’s the best of both worlds! I have a terrific son, but freedom & flexibility during the week. Sweet! Yay for free time!
Today is my son’s last day of school. Woo hoo! It’s been a challenging year in many ways. We are both so ready for the break! It was a combination of school and the age. As we enter into the teen years, I fear for our sanity: his, mine, and the hub’s.
I didn’t get to the gym last night – the boy had gone home with a friend, and they were at the house waiting as I turned off at the exit ramp. Oh, and we went out to eat, but I made a decent choice. So, not an on track evening, but not a huge disaster either. Back to the gym today to work out with trainer #2.
There is a yoga class at 9:30 Saturday that I’m gonna check out. I really need to up my exercise (IMO) – 3 HIIT sessions and 3 weight sessions are good. I wish I could ride my bike to work!!! But the traffic is just too bad. Maybe hit some evening classes at the gym and do my HIIT in the am? There are no early morning classes at the gym – how weird is that???
We are having a departmental off-site tomorrow, so have a good weekend!
I love summer. The funny thing is, as an adult I love many of the same things I loved as a child. For example: no homework. Do you know how tired I am of asking about, helping with, nagging, quizzing, and internet surfing – all in the name of homework? No, I am not a mom that does her child’s homework. But I have to make sure it’s done, quiz on material, help some with the internet (although he is getting much better), etc etc. Just being supportive is tiring!
Also, free time. I had those really cool childhoods where we belonged to the pool down the road and I’d go spend weeks with my grandparents having all sorts of cool adventures. Staying with my grandparents are some of my happiest childhood memories. My cousin & I would stay, and then my mom & uncle would take time off work & come & spend time with all of us going to the beach or something. It was magical.
My son enjoys similar experiences. His grandpa lives about an hour away, and his grandma a half hour. His uncle (my ex step brother) lives down the street from his grandpa. His summers are spent at the lake - kayaking, fishing, swimming, and hanging out with pals. Because the hub & I both work, he spends the week with a grandparent, going back & forth as schedules & vacations dictate.
He loves it, and we love the extra time it gives us during the week. I can come in early enough to leave at 3, or come in late & stay late. I make my husband & I 2 meals apiece, which we simply heat up at our convenience – no cooking dinner every night! Summertime I get a taste of what life without kids is like - it’s the best of both worlds! I have a terrific son, but freedom & flexibility during the week. Sweet! Yay for free time!
Today is my son’s last day of school. Woo hoo! It’s been a challenging year in many ways. We are both so ready for the break! It was a combination of school and the age. As we enter into the teen years, I fear for our sanity: his, mine, and the hub’s.
I didn’t get to the gym last night – the boy had gone home with a friend, and they were at the house waiting as I turned off at the exit ramp. Oh, and we went out to eat, but I made a decent choice. So, not an on track evening, but not a huge disaster either. Back to the gym today to work out with trainer #2.
There is a yoga class at 9:30 Saturday that I’m gonna check out. I really need to up my exercise (IMO) – 3 HIIT sessions and 3 weight sessions are good. I wish I could ride my bike to work!!! But the traffic is just too bad. Maybe hit some evening classes at the gym and do my HIIT in the am? There are no early morning classes at the gym – how weird is that???
We are having a departmental off-site tomorrow, so have a good weekend!
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Creativity in action!
It’s amazing how you can get inspired by a low carb tortilla. This week I made wraps for lunch – a thin center cut grilled pork chop with sliced avocado and jerk seasoning. I was thinking “chicken next week. Blah.” Then I started thinking how could I use up some of what is in the house already. Like, we have a bunch of turkey burgers. I could grill those up and slice them in a wrap with a little shredded cheese and salsa! Sometimes I just need to think about how I can use stuff in new ways. My new breakfast totally rocks – who would have thought I’d be raving about cottage cheese? See? Old stuff in new ways.
After a rough couple of weeks sleep-wise, I got a second good night of sleep last night. My body is feeling pretty tired & sore, so I didn’t get up and walk. I’m just going to do my weights & interval training and sneak in a yoga class at some point – I think I need it! I am working harder in the gym than I have in years. I’m not using heavy weights, so there isn’t a lot of DOMS soreness, but I feel that stiff & sore you get after yardwork or something. Maybe a yoga class would help.
I haven’t gotten on the scale in a while. It was making me crazy. I’m just working on working hard.
I need to buy some sugar free Fudgecicles – last night I was totally craving chocolate. I do have sugar free popsicles, but that quite get it.
Monday was grilling out, last night was crock pot, tonight is grilling out, tomorrow night is half crock pot (I’m making the chicken soup base in the crock pot and then making the matzo balls when I get home). I love the fact that my husband loves to grill and we can grill out so often this time of year. It makes my life easier. As do paper plates!
Hub is working today for a temp agency (a temp agency for contractors). Since the client wanted the people to do a drug screening, that’s a good sign that this job will last a while. So I’m hopeful that this place can keep him busy until something permanent comes through. He’s gotten a couple of calls in addition to the university, but that is the best thing by far and away. I know he is going to be so disappointed if he doesn’t get it. The guy wants to have a decision by the 11th, so please keep those good thoughts coming!
It’s amazing how you can get inspired by a low carb tortilla. This week I made wraps for lunch – a thin center cut grilled pork chop with sliced avocado and jerk seasoning. I was thinking “chicken next week. Blah.” Then I started thinking how could I use up some of what is in the house already. Like, we have a bunch of turkey burgers. I could grill those up and slice them in a wrap with a little shredded cheese and salsa! Sometimes I just need to think about how I can use stuff in new ways. My new breakfast totally rocks – who would have thought I’d be raving about cottage cheese? See? Old stuff in new ways.
After a rough couple of weeks sleep-wise, I got a second good night of sleep last night. My body is feeling pretty tired & sore, so I didn’t get up and walk. I’m just going to do my weights & interval training and sneak in a yoga class at some point – I think I need it! I am working harder in the gym than I have in years. I’m not using heavy weights, so there isn’t a lot of DOMS soreness, but I feel that stiff & sore you get after yardwork or something. Maybe a yoga class would help.
I haven’t gotten on the scale in a while. It was making me crazy. I’m just working on working hard.
I need to buy some sugar free Fudgecicles – last night I was totally craving chocolate. I do have sugar free popsicles, but that quite get it.
Monday was grilling out, last night was crock pot, tonight is grilling out, tomorrow night is half crock pot (I’m making the chicken soup base in the crock pot and then making the matzo balls when I get home). I love the fact that my husband loves to grill and we can grill out so often this time of year. It makes my life easier. As do paper plates!
Hub is working today for a temp agency (a temp agency for contractors). Since the client wanted the people to do a drug screening, that’s a good sign that this job will last a while. So I’m hopeful that this place can keep him busy until something permanent comes through. He’s gotten a couple of calls in addition to the university, but that is the best thing by far and away. I know he is going to be so disappointed if he doesn’t get it. The guy wants to have a decision by the 11th, so please keep those good thoughts coming!
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Other Stuff
I have actually discovered a way to eat cottage cheese! I won’t declare it delicious, but it’s pretty darn good. I take a small bowl & chop 6 almonds. Then I put ½ cup of cottage cheese, then on top of that I add frozen mixed berries (I use a blend of blackberries, blueberries, and raspberries). The frozen berries ‘freeze” the cottage cheese just enough to give it a consistency a bit like frozen yogurt. I can see adding maybe a packet of stevia and a couple of drops of vanilla, but even without that it’s like a tart dessert. I had a piece of toast made with Ezekiel bread in the car then ate the berries & cottage cheese about 8 am. Very healthy, high protein, and easy to do!
I have actually discovered a way to eat cottage cheese! I won’t declare it delicious, but it’s pretty darn good. I take a small bowl & chop 6 almonds. Then I put ½ cup of cottage cheese, then on top of that I add frozen mixed berries (I use a blend of blackberries, blueberries, and raspberries). The frozen berries ‘freeze” the cottage cheese just enough to give it a consistency a bit like frozen yogurt. I can see adding maybe a packet of stevia and a couple of drops of vanilla, but even without that it’s like a tart dessert. I had a piece of toast made with Ezekiel bread in the car then ate the berries & cottage cheese about 8 am. Very healthy, high protein, and easy to do!
Startling Revelations to follow!
I have recently discovered something amazing: if you eat unhealthy food, you feel lousy. I know, but it’s true! These past couple of weeks have seen some poor snacking habits in the evening. I haven’t been sleeping well, leaving me with no energy by the time I get home from work. Not only that, but by last week I noticed I was starting to get tired more easily during my workouts. Last night I didn’t snack after dinner, and I slept great! Now I’m off to write a book and make a fortune! :-O
I was feeling seriously wiped by the time I left work yesterday, but I managed to ht the gym for a decent interval workout. The nice thing about those is that while tough, they are over quickly. Some days I add some extra on the end, but yesterday was not one of those days. I did the minimum, but I did it.
Lately I have felt like I’ve been holding onto the label “functional” by the skin of my teeth. I get home from work too tired to do anything but watch TV. My mom washed my dishes yesterday when she came over (bless her) and helped the boy with homework. One reason that party prep was so stressful was the fact that we had let the house get really messy. Not only does that bring my mood down, but it really took a long time to get it all squared away. Last night I managed to put away the last of my clean laundry and pack my gym bag. My plan for the week is to spend 15 minutes an evening on housework. We are having a friend over Saturday and I’d like the house to stay neat this week.
Some days I think I need a stay at home wife!
I have recently discovered something amazing: if you eat unhealthy food, you feel lousy. I know, but it’s true! These past couple of weeks have seen some poor snacking habits in the evening. I haven’t been sleeping well, leaving me with no energy by the time I get home from work. Not only that, but by last week I noticed I was starting to get tired more easily during my workouts. Last night I didn’t snack after dinner, and I slept great! Now I’m off to write a book and make a fortune! :-O
I was feeling seriously wiped by the time I left work yesterday, but I managed to ht the gym for a decent interval workout. The nice thing about those is that while tough, they are over quickly. Some days I add some extra on the end, but yesterday was not one of those days. I did the minimum, but I did it.
Lately I have felt like I’ve been holding onto the label “functional” by the skin of my teeth. I get home from work too tired to do anything but watch TV. My mom washed my dishes yesterday when she came over (bless her) and helped the boy with homework. One reason that party prep was so stressful was the fact that we had let the house get really messy. Not only does that bring my mood down, but it really took a long time to get it all squared away. Last night I managed to put away the last of my clean laundry and pack my gym bag. My plan for the week is to spend 15 minutes an evening on housework. We are having a friend over Saturday and I’d like the house to stay neat this week.
Some days I think I need a stay at home wife!
Monday, May 28, 2007
Thinking
First of all, I have to say this was a nice weekend. The cookout was a success – a lot of folks and a lot of fun. Friday was super busy running a bazillion errands and then Saturday morning my mom was kind enough to come over & lend a hand in getting the house ready. Have I mentioned she rocks?
I know I’ve written about this before, but a lot of my challenge with losing weight isn’t my love of food or the fact that I use it to fulfill emotional needs (although this is certainly true) – even more importantly is the fact that I receive a great deal of emotional payoff by being overweight. I am much more comfortable with my body when I am overweight than when I am not. Not happy mind you, but comfortable. And I would rather be comfortable and unhappy than happy and uncomfortable. But I sometimes forget that I have another choice: I can change the way I think. I can let go of the past. I can stop buying into the negative behavior patterns that are part of my personal history. I can acknowledge that I am a different person who would make different choices. I can let go of the emotional baggage. That’s hard. Really hard. But now that I am feeling more comfortable with all the normal day to day stuff in my life, I’m thinking about it.
First of all, I have to say this was a nice weekend. The cookout was a success – a lot of folks and a lot of fun. Friday was super busy running a bazillion errands and then Saturday morning my mom was kind enough to come over & lend a hand in getting the house ready. Have I mentioned she rocks?
I know I’ve written about this before, but a lot of my challenge with losing weight isn’t my love of food or the fact that I use it to fulfill emotional needs (although this is certainly true) – even more importantly is the fact that I receive a great deal of emotional payoff by being overweight. I am much more comfortable with my body when I am overweight than when I am not. Not happy mind you, but comfortable. And I would rather be comfortable and unhappy than happy and uncomfortable. But I sometimes forget that I have another choice: I can change the way I think. I can let go of the past. I can stop buying into the negative behavior patterns that are part of my personal history. I can acknowledge that I am a different person who would make different choices. I can let go of the emotional baggage. That’s hard. Really hard. But now that I am feeling more comfortable with all the normal day to day stuff in my life, I’m thinking about it.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
More about the dump
Thanks for all the comments. As always, I get a lot of great perspective. One thing that got me thinking about this in a more focused way was the article I was reading the other day about the results of one of those long term studies. The results were a “curve” of happiness that is shaped like the letter “U”: we are happy as kids, but once we reach adulthood we become progressively more unhappy until age 45, at which point people start becoming more happy and that happiness continues to increase. I guess that probably turns back around at some point based on health etc, but that’s the general idea. There were no conclusions drawn as to why happiness would look like that, but it got me thinking.
Every day at lunch I take a 30 minute walk with a friend. We’ve been doing this for 3 or 4 years. As a result, we’re pretty close, know an awful lot about each other’s marriages, and have grown in many ways as a result of the friendship. Here is a woman that outwardly is a poster child of success and happiness: a pretty good marriage of 20+ years, a strong faith and very active in her church, they both have good jobs and make good money, their house is paid for and they are tracking well in their retirement savings. No kids, but both are close with their families. And yet she suffers from the same feelings of anger, tiredness, lack of joy, inability to unwind… you get the idea. This reinforces to me that while I certainly carry some vestiges of anger around my dad & his family, people are feeling this way in general. We’re too wound up. We don’t have enough time to wind down. We’re too busy, too connected, and too caught up in it all to step off the treadmill – we can’t even find the exit or the proverbial “pause” button!
Jack’s grandma is pretty smart – if you have these feelings, you have to focus on fixing the source and not treating the symptom. And if you can’t control it, learn to let go. But how? I don’t have a clear cut answer, my friend doesn’t have an answer. One solution would be a radical change of lifestyle, but I choose to deal with this rather than create a situation where I forfeit my retirement savings, health care, and ability to pay for my son’s college education. Am I trading my mental health for material wealth? Maybe a little bit. It would be nice to create a “retreat” for myself, but my home is a source of a whole different set of stressors.
Like most moms, I am the hub that keeps the family wheel turning. I am the only one that cooks, I am the one that helps with homework, and while the household chores are pretty evenly divided, I am the only one who cares when things start really slipping.
In addition, I am the primary provider. My husband has an excellent work ethic, but his solution for every financial issue is “work harder.” He has no concept of financial planning – he couldn’t keep his checkbook balanced on his own! I have no issue at all with the income disparity, but it is hard because I am the captain of the ship and when it comes to finances, I have no ‘first mate” – its just me, myself, and I. My husband has no idea of how much we have saved for retirement, and would have no idea to figure out how much we will need. I do the budget, pay the bills, etc – in short, all long and short term decisions fall to me. And while I certainly would not want a husband that feels the need to run the show, it would be nice to feel like this area were more of a partnership. But I married the man I did, no regrets. And that’s not who he is. This rarely bothers me, but it’s another example of the responsibility I carry on my shoulders – largely unaided.
While physical activity is certainly a good physical outlet for me, it doesn’t feel like the mental outlet that I need as well. That’s the piece I feel I need to find. I know running etc. serves that purpose for some folks, it doesn’t fulfill that need in me – at least not completely.
One thing I’m thinking is that one night a week my son cooks and one night a week my husband cooks. Hub can grill and open a can of green beans. The boy will be a bit more work, but if I teach him how to make 4 things, then he has a month’s worth of dinners. Its tough to go to the gym, get home around 5 or 5;30, tired - and then have to fix supper. We have gone out the past 3 nights – that is utterly unheard of in my house!
The fact that I keep waffling between okay and not okay tells me that things aren’t “okay” – it’s a load I can only maintain for so long, and then I have to become basically non-functional for a few days, then get back to it. I’m no genius, but that doesn’t seem right to me.
I still have a lot to think about – I need to find something to help relieve the stress that doesn’t feel like another chore tacked onto my already too long list. Anyway, since you’ve followed the bouncing ball that is my mind for 2 whole days and gosh only knows how many pages – a recipe!
Baked Tomatoes
2 large tomatoes, sliced
4 or 5 large basil leaves, torn
¼ cup shredded cheddar (I like the 2% just fine)
2 T each of low fat and fat free mayo (You need the texture of the fat, so mixing lets you keep the calories low)
Take a small baking dish and layer tomatoes, sprinkling each layer with salt & pepper and some of the basil. Do this until your tomatoes are used up. Mix the mayo & cheese and drop in dollops around the top. I usually heat it in the microwave for 2 – 3 minutes, and then just brown it in the oven, or you can bake it (at 400 or so) if the oven is going to be on anyway. The temp is pretty forgiving – all you need to do is get it good & hot and the cheese melted.
This makes 2 side servings and is amazing!
Thanks for all the comments. As always, I get a lot of great perspective. One thing that got me thinking about this in a more focused way was the article I was reading the other day about the results of one of those long term studies. The results were a “curve” of happiness that is shaped like the letter “U”: we are happy as kids, but once we reach adulthood we become progressively more unhappy until age 45, at which point people start becoming more happy and that happiness continues to increase. I guess that probably turns back around at some point based on health etc, but that’s the general idea. There were no conclusions drawn as to why happiness would look like that, but it got me thinking.
Every day at lunch I take a 30 minute walk with a friend. We’ve been doing this for 3 or 4 years. As a result, we’re pretty close, know an awful lot about each other’s marriages, and have grown in many ways as a result of the friendship. Here is a woman that outwardly is a poster child of success and happiness: a pretty good marriage of 20+ years, a strong faith and very active in her church, they both have good jobs and make good money, their house is paid for and they are tracking well in their retirement savings. No kids, but both are close with their families. And yet she suffers from the same feelings of anger, tiredness, lack of joy, inability to unwind… you get the idea. This reinforces to me that while I certainly carry some vestiges of anger around my dad & his family, people are feeling this way in general. We’re too wound up. We don’t have enough time to wind down. We’re too busy, too connected, and too caught up in it all to step off the treadmill – we can’t even find the exit or the proverbial “pause” button!
Jack’s grandma is pretty smart – if you have these feelings, you have to focus on fixing the source and not treating the symptom. And if you can’t control it, learn to let go. But how? I don’t have a clear cut answer, my friend doesn’t have an answer. One solution would be a radical change of lifestyle, but I choose to deal with this rather than create a situation where I forfeit my retirement savings, health care, and ability to pay for my son’s college education. Am I trading my mental health for material wealth? Maybe a little bit. It would be nice to create a “retreat” for myself, but my home is a source of a whole different set of stressors.
Like most moms, I am the hub that keeps the family wheel turning. I am the only one that cooks, I am the one that helps with homework, and while the household chores are pretty evenly divided, I am the only one who cares when things start really slipping.
In addition, I am the primary provider. My husband has an excellent work ethic, but his solution for every financial issue is “work harder.” He has no concept of financial planning – he couldn’t keep his checkbook balanced on his own! I have no issue at all with the income disparity, but it is hard because I am the captain of the ship and when it comes to finances, I have no ‘first mate” – its just me, myself, and I. My husband has no idea of how much we have saved for retirement, and would have no idea to figure out how much we will need. I do the budget, pay the bills, etc – in short, all long and short term decisions fall to me. And while I certainly would not want a husband that feels the need to run the show, it would be nice to feel like this area were more of a partnership. But I married the man I did, no regrets. And that’s not who he is. This rarely bothers me, but it’s another example of the responsibility I carry on my shoulders – largely unaided.
While physical activity is certainly a good physical outlet for me, it doesn’t feel like the mental outlet that I need as well. That’s the piece I feel I need to find. I know running etc. serves that purpose for some folks, it doesn’t fulfill that need in me – at least not completely.
One thing I’m thinking is that one night a week my son cooks and one night a week my husband cooks. Hub can grill and open a can of green beans. The boy will be a bit more work, but if I teach him how to make 4 things, then he has a month’s worth of dinners. Its tough to go to the gym, get home around 5 or 5;30, tired - and then have to fix supper. We have gone out the past 3 nights – that is utterly unheard of in my house!
The fact that I keep waffling between okay and not okay tells me that things aren’t “okay” – it’s a load I can only maintain for so long, and then I have to become basically non-functional for a few days, then get back to it. I’m no genius, but that doesn’t seem right to me.
I still have a lot to think about – I need to find something to help relieve the stress that doesn’t feel like another chore tacked onto my already too long list. Anyway, since you’ve followed the bouncing ball that is my mind for 2 whole days and gosh only knows how many pages – a recipe!
Baked Tomatoes
2 large tomatoes, sliced
4 or 5 large basil leaves, torn
¼ cup shredded cheddar (I like the 2% just fine)
2 T each of low fat and fat free mayo (You need the texture of the fat, so mixing lets you keep the calories low)
Take a small baking dish and layer tomatoes, sprinkling each layer with salt & pepper and some of the basil. Do this until your tomatoes are used up. Mix the mayo & cheese and drop in dollops around the top. I usually heat it in the microwave for 2 – 3 minutes, and then just brown it in the oven, or you can bake it (at 400 or so) if the oven is going to be on anyway. The temp is pretty forgiving – all you need to do is get it good & hot and the cheese melted.
This makes 2 side servings and is amazing!
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Brain Dump
I’ve had a lot on my mind the past couple of days, and I feel the need to just do a sort of “brain dump” here on the old blog. Take this for what it is: my feelings about this stuff at this moment in time.
I have been in a very weird mood this week. Pretty much all I’ve wanted to do is sit in a chair & read a Star Trek book. I had a good weekend and Monday, then called hub on the way to the gym Monday afternoon. He was very stressed about a situation at work (the people ignored the contract and were only paying him half the money they owed him). He was very upset, as you can imagine. Yet another reason I hope he finds a steady job working for a decent sized company. Instead of going to the gym, I went to the grocery store. He still hasn’t been paid what they owe him, and it looks like he may have to take them to small claims court. It isn’t a lot of money, but the situation has me in an absolute fury.
Work is kinda frustrating right now. No one thing or person … just a set of frustrating circumstances has left me feeling less than fulfilled. I like my job and I know this will pass, but right now my enthusiasm is on the low side, and I am struggling to change that.
I am on a discussion list related to ‘my medieval thing’. Anyway, a person with authority sent out an email requesting feedback from the group of folks who will be tasked with implementing his decision. The very next email he sent stated that the decision was final. So why did you request feedback??? The change is BIG, and some people got upset. He then got all in a huff because people were questioning how well thought out the plan was and what his motivation was blah blah blah. Now, neither of those things was offered in an email, so of course people are speculating. This guy is a big fat pompous jerk who in real life is an utter waste and this group is the only place in society where he has any sort of authority, so of course he feels the need to exercise it like a race horse. I’ve seriously considered pointing out that by soliciting feedback, but then turning around and stating that the decision is final without offering any context or logical rationale trivializes the experience of the group being addressed, not to mention the fact that by handing down an edict without any effort to get buy-in from the group you are depending on to implement, you have just told them in effect that their work as anything other than unskilled labor is meaningless. But I haven’t. But I’m angry about the whole thing. Can you tell?
In a nutshell, I’m angry. The odd thing is that I didn’t really go on this medicine for depression (at least not in the classic sense), it was for anger. Little things piss me off. I know we all say that, but I mean, little things leave me in a white hot fury that keeps me awake at night. That’s not healthy and I’m just not sure how to deal with it. Please don’t suggest counseling – our insurance doesn’t cover it and I can’t afford it. Maybe its running, maybe its meditation, I don’t know, but I need to find a way. Anybody know any good books?
I don’t have a lot of serious bad things to deal with in my life – I mean, yeah, my husband’s work situation means our income flow varies wildly, but we’re managing okay although I do feel like we tend to overspend. But we aren’t digging ourselves deeper in debt, so its not mega serious. I will say it feels serious to me though. But other than that, we have a nice home, we are healthy – yeah, we have the same speed bumps we all experience, but I can’t say I feel like we have more than the average bear.
But what I am left with is a pt of anger. These little things make it flare up, but its like the ember of that fury is always there just waiting for something to happen. Why am I so furious? I have some bad stuff in my childhood that has certainly made me angry and bitter and some of that has dragged well into my adulthood. Maybe I haven’t let that go? Maybe it’s just my personality? Maybe it’s a character trait I need to work on? I don’t know. But I look around at the world around me and I know I’m not alone. People are angry and something as simple as driving to the office or stopping in the grocery will prove that point. Maybe the source is completely outside of me. I can’t change society, but I can change my perception. I’m just not sure how.
Maybe trying to go off this medicine is a bad idea.
In other news, I’ve been using light beer, light nachos, and low cal ice cream in inappropriate quantities to cool down that white hot fury. And hiding in a book. I don’t think this is the best way to handle stress, but despite my searching, I still haven’t found a better way. It’s ironic: despite the many blessings of my life, I feel like overall my quality of life is average at best. I read an article the other day that said that adults become increasingly unhappy in adulthood, peaking at age 45. After that, they became progressively happier. But I don’t want to wait until my child is out of the house or I’m retired to feel joy.
I’ve had a lot on my mind the past couple of days, and I feel the need to just do a sort of “brain dump” here on the old blog. Take this for what it is: my feelings about this stuff at this moment in time.
I have been in a very weird mood this week. Pretty much all I’ve wanted to do is sit in a chair & read a Star Trek book. I had a good weekend and Monday, then called hub on the way to the gym Monday afternoon. He was very stressed about a situation at work (the people ignored the contract and were only paying him half the money they owed him). He was very upset, as you can imagine. Yet another reason I hope he finds a steady job working for a decent sized company. Instead of going to the gym, I went to the grocery store. He still hasn’t been paid what they owe him, and it looks like he may have to take them to small claims court. It isn’t a lot of money, but the situation has me in an absolute fury.
Work is kinda frustrating right now. No one thing or person … just a set of frustrating circumstances has left me feeling less than fulfilled. I like my job and I know this will pass, but right now my enthusiasm is on the low side, and I am struggling to change that.
I am on a discussion list related to ‘my medieval thing’. Anyway, a person with authority sent out an email requesting feedback from the group of folks who will be tasked with implementing his decision. The very next email he sent stated that the decision was final. So why did you request feedback??? The change is BIG, and some people got upset. He then got all in a huff because people were questioning how well thought out the plan was and what his motivation was blah blah blah. Now, neither of those things was offered in an email, so of course people are speculating. This guy is a big fat pompous jerk who in real life is an utter waste and this group is the only place in society where he has any sort of authority, so of course he feels the need to exercise it like a race horse. I’ve seriously considered pointing out that by soliciting feedback, but then turning around and stating that the decision is final without offering any context or logical rationale trivializes the experience of the group being addressed, not to mention the fact that by handing down an edict without any effort to get buy-in from the group you are depending on to implement, you have just told them in effect that their work as anything other than unskilled labor is meaningless. But I haven’t. But I’m angry about the whole thing. Can you tell?
In a nutshell, I’m angry. The odd thing is that I didn’t really go on this medicine for depression (at least not in the classic sense), it was for anger. Little things piss me off. I know we all say that, but I mean, little things leave me in a white hot fury that keeps me awake at night. That’s not healthy and I’m just not sure how to deal with it. Please don’t suggest counseling – our insurance doesn’t cover it and I can’t afford it. Maybe its running, maybe its meditation, I don’t know, but I need to find a way. Anybody know any good books?
I don’t have a lot of serious bad things to deal with in my life – I mean, yeah, my husband’s work situation means our income flow varies wildly, but we’re managing okay although I do feel like we tend to overspend. But we aren’t digging ourselves deeper in debt, so its not mega serious. I will say it feels serious to me though. But other than that, we have a nice home, we are healthy – yeah, we have the same speed bumps we all experience, but I can’t say I feel like we have more than the average bear.
But what I am left with is a pt of anger. These little things make it flare up, but its like the ember of that fury is always there just waiting for something to happen. Why am I so furious? I have some bad stuff in my childhood that has certainly made me angry and bitter and some of that has dragged well into my adulthood. Maybe I haven’t let that go? Maybe it’s just my personality? Maybe it’s a character trait I need to work on? I don’t know. But I look around at the world around me and I know I’m not alone. People are angry and something as simple as driving to the office or stopping in the grocery will prove that point. Maybe the source is completely outside of me. I can’t change society, but I can change my perception. I’m just not sure how.
Maybe trying to go off this medicine is a bad idea.
In other news, I’ve been using light beer, light nachos, and low cal ice cream in inappropriate quantities to cool down that white hot fury. And hiding in a book. I don’t think this is the best way to handle stress, but despite my searching, I still haven’t found a better way. It’s ironic: despite the many blessings of my life, I feel like overall my quality of life is average at best. I read an article the other day that said that adults become increasingly unhappy in adulthood, peaking at age 45. After that, they became progressively happier. But I don’t want to wait until my child is out of the house or I’m retired to feel joy.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Wondering
Last week was difficult. I know I’ve skirted about the edges of my frustration about my weight. The thing is, since I started on the Wellbutrin about 16 months ago, I’ve gained 15 pounds and cannot get it off. Some of the stuff I’ve tried has been stupid enough that I haven’t written about it here. For example, the 2 weeks where I only ate every other day. I mean, hello!??! This is just nuts. I’m down to a ¼ dosage anyway, so I’ve decided to stop taking it. I’d rather be a little skittery around the edges and able to lose weight than not. Last week I pretty much reached the “why bother?” point. I mean, if I can’t lose weight, then why bother with healthy eating? That’s not a very good attitude. In any case, I never planned to stay on this stuff forever.
I got a lot of sewing done this weekend, and hub made good progress on the roof for the deck. The weather was very good, so that was nice. Due to some circumstances, we ended up not going out of town. On the one hand, I do feel bad we didn’t make it. But it was nice to be home – we were both getting pretty tired out.
I was pretty much in a sulk until I decided to stop with the medicine – it helped when I needed it, but I think the time is passed. I had a good workout yesterday and plan to start getting into better habits (again) this week. I think I needed to get to a point where I was this frustrated to take this step, even though I have known for a while of other people that have experienced similar issues with weight while taking this. I’ll keep ya posted.
I am taking Friday off. It is our 5 year wedding anniversary. Sometimes I just can’t believe it. I am a very lucky woman to have such a great husband. He’s a really good guy. We’re having a cookout with a few friends on Saturday, but overall just a quiet weekend. We’d originally planned to go out of town, but he asked if we could stay home instead. I feel a nice sushi dinner coming on…..
Have a good one!
Last week was difficult. I know I’ve skirted about the edges of my frustration about my weight. The thing is, since I started on the Wellbutrin about 16 months ago, I’ve gained 15 pounds and cannot get it off. Some of the stuff I’ve tried has been stupid enough that I haven’t written about it here. For example, the 2 weeks where I only ate every other day. I mean, hello!??! This is just nuts. I’m down to a ¼ dosage anyway, so I’ve decided to stop taking it. I’d rather be a little skittery around the edges and able to lose weight than not. Last week I pretty much reached the “why bother?” point. I mean, if I can’t lose weight, then why bother with healthy eating? That’s not a very good attitude. In any case, I never planned to stay on this stuff forever.
I got a lot of sewing done this weekend, and hub made good progress on the roof for the deck. The weather was very good, so that was nice. Due to some circumstances, we ended up not going out of town. On the one hand, I do feel bad we didn’t make it. But it was nice to be home – we were both getting pretty tired out.
I was pretty much in a sulk until I decided to stop with the medicine – it helped when I needed it, but I think the time is passed. I had a good workout yesterday and plan to start getting into better habits (again) this week. I think I needed to get to a point where I was this frustrated to take this step, even though I have known for a while of other people that have experienced similar issues with weight while taking this. I’ll keep ya posted.
I am taking Friday off. It is our 5 year wedding anniversary. Sometimes I just can’t believe it. I am a very lucky woman to have such a great husband. He’s a really good guy. We’re having a cookout with a few friends on Saturday, but overall just a quiet weekend. We’d originally planned to go out of town, but he asked if we could stay home instead. I feel a nice sushi dinner coming on…..
Have a good one!
Friday, May 18, 2007
I don’t wanna!
I know I’ve mentioned that tomorrow we have the dubious pleasure of driving 5 hours (one way) to run the youth combat at an event down near the Ga/SC border. For some reason, this has been a tough week. I have been tired, which has made sticking to healthy foods difficult (even more difficult than normal I mean), and I really just want to hang out at home. But I will be a responsible person and do the right thing. Ugh.
I got out of work late and the hub needed to work late yesterday, so I did not get to work out. I am going to the gym today, and I do have an appointment with Mr. Hardcore trainer Sunday afternoon. So that should help out.
I just have a lot to do and feel a bit overwhelmed. The plus side is that I am taking a half day off today so I can get a head start. Hub is always good about helping out, but I know he wants to work on the deck Sunday, so the more we can get done today the better.
Okay - enough whining! I hope you all have a good weekend!
I know I’ve mentioned that tomorrow we have the dubious pleasure of driving 5 hours (one way) to run the youth combat at an event down near the Ga/SC border. For some reason, this has been a tough week. I have been tired, which has made sticking to healthy foods difficult (even more difficult than normal I mean), and I really just want to hang out at home. But I will be a responsible person and do the right thing. Ugh.
I got out of work late and the hub needed to work late yesterday, so I did not get to work out. I am going to the gym today, and I do have an appointment with Mr. Hardcore trainer Sunday afternoon. So that should help out.
I just have a lot to do and feel a bit overwhelmed. The plus side is that I am taking a half day off today so I can get a head start. Hub is always good about helping out, but I know he wants to work on the deck Sunday, so the more we can get done today the better.
Okay - enough whining! I hope you all have a good weekend!
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