Just for the record

I went to the cafe and bought a chocolate chip cookie. It was way too sweet and didn't taste good. I ate all of it but one bite. I think it's because I am mad at the scale, which is a completely irrational reason. Let that be the end of it and not the start of a weekend of crummy eating. that will be the end!

Tricksey scale, goodbye ranch, and this just in: Men are like from a whole different planet!

Tricksey scale, me hates you. I saw the same weight 3 days in a row (a half pound loss from last week), then this morning it says I’ve gained a pound and a half overnight. Uh, I don’t think so! I went to spin yesterday (3 spin classes plus 1 boot camp class this week!) and ate the same foods I normally do except I also had 4 veggie nuggets with buffalo sauce and ranch and a non-alcoholic beer. Somehow I doubt that had 6000 calories or whatever.

I have decided though to cut out the ranch (sniff sniff). I generally eat 1 tablespoon a day on my veggies at lunch (90 calories), but lately I’ve also started adding it to my evening veggies, and then of course I used it on my “buffalo wings”. Sorry ranch, but you got to go. I have some organic asagio cheese dressing that has less than half the calories. I’ve been buying the ranch from the café at work (it’s 25 cents for a little cup of it, I was trying to be responsible), so there’s no bottle at home to tempt me.

I had a really funny post planned for yesterday, but just never managed to post. Sorry! Anyway, this is kinda funny: Wednesday I came home from spin. I told my husband that I was exhausted, my legs were thrashed (I think they left and left wet noodles in their place 5 minutes into class) and that I was starving. Now, a woman would’ve been empathetic, but my husband immediately goes into problem solving mode and latches on to what he feels he can fix.

Hub: “What are you hungry for?”
Me: “I would like a taco, pizza, and cheese dip.”
Hub” “I have to go get gas in my car. If you really want cheese dip, I can pick you up some.”
Me: “No, I don’t really want cheese dip.”
Hub: “Would you like pizza?”
Me: “There’s no place that sells it by the slice.”

At this point, hub is getting exasperated because I am not cooperating and enabling him to “solve” the problem.

Hub: “I will buy a whole pizza, you can have what you want. I wouldn’t mind some pizza.”
Me: “No, that’s okay.”
Hub: “Well, WHAT DO YOU WANT??????”
Me: “Veggie nuggets. I can put some buffalo sauce on them and it’ll be like wings.”

Bless his heart, he means well, but he surely does make it easy to overeat.

I have breakfast and lunch planned for tomorrow (usual weekday fare) and a healthy but yummy dinner planned. Sunday is less planned, but I am determined not to go overboard this weekend! I am having a “free” dinner tonight (pizza), but won’t go crazy. I plan to have a beer or two with my homemade vegan nachos tomorrow. So I have a plan for most of the weekend.

Have a good one!

Where I complain and cry about my bloody forehead

I have chosen to make better food choices and exercise more faithfully. I even went to boot camp at the gym last night! But I have moments when I just wonder why. Not saying I’m about to bail, but I was walking down the hallway, and I thought to myself “I’m tired of beating my head against the wall until my forehead is bloody. I just want a slice of pizza.”

Maybe it’s because I was (yet again) the fattest, reddest, sweatiest person in the class and it made me hurt. And yes, I know pizza won’t help that, but sometimes I just feel like the changes are so slow. I know in my head that they add up. I’m out of the 180s on the scale! This IS working, and while I’ll never be in love with aerobics classes, I don’t mind doing this.

I have to figure out something to eat for dinner Friday.

Things are still going well. I did sleep in this morning – I was so tired after class last night! Way more tired than I am after spin class.

I like my gym for a lot of reasons: I've known the owner for several years (since before he owned the gym) and he's a really nice guy who genuinely cares about his clients. Also, I have 24 hour access which was the #1 reason I switched from the Y. I've been happy there overall. My only gripe is the class times: no early morning classes, no Saturday afternoon classes, no Sunday classes. So my only choices are Monday - Thursday at 6 or 6:30.

Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday evenings they have spin. Tuesday is usually boot camp, and every Tuesday in July is boot camp. So I either learn to embrace my inner camper, or I don’t do a class that night. Given how much harder I get pushed in the classes, I want to go whenever I can. And right now I have the luxury of being able to go as many times as I want, versus the school year when my time is more limited. So I may prefer spin, but right now I just want to get in as many classes as I can do comfortably. I’ll try to be a happy camper. :-)

She’s my second favorite

Monday night lady is officially my second favorite spin instructor. She plays awesome music (who wouldn't get a lift hearing "Fat Bottomed Girls" halfway through spin class???), her class is H-A-R-D, and she has this whole upbeat gung ho thing going, but with a maniacal rather than perky, twist. Indeed, she might be my favorite but I must stay loyal to my beloved Sonya.

After making dinner and killing yourself on a spin bike, what else is there to do besides take a long hot bath and go to bed? Oh, I did make my husband a salad.

I live such a glamorous life. :-)

In other news, hub and I are commuting to work together. I drop him off since I go farther into Greensboro and my schedule is more flexible. The down side: it's only fair to listen to his music half the time, so afternoons I have to listen to country music. Oh the humanity!

The boy got braces this morning! Cha-ching! Some days my life reminds me of that movie “The Money Pit”, where the couple buy the house and spend so much money cause everything is broken? Only that’s my whole life and not just the house! :-) I think every adult in America feels that way.

This morning I got up and walked 3 miles. Changed food up a bit this week:

B: “green” drink (2 c spinach, 1 T ground flax seed, mango, frozen mixed fruit) & a piece of whole wheat toast.
S: 5 prunes & pb
L: cucumber and tomato with dressing, casserole made with bok choy, tofu, and soba noodles.
S: piece of fruit and nuts
D: tonight & tomorrow it’s a southwest casserole with rice, black beans, tomato, and corn, and salad

Both those casseroles contain seasoning & stuff. ;-)

Energy level is feeling back to normal. Tonight is boot camp at the gym. Wish me luck!

McSize Me

Just a quickie as I have to leave to pick up the hub - we are now carpooling to work together to save gas.

Have you heard about this story? http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Story?id=5198060&page=1

This guy lost 80 pounds eating McDonald's. I'm glad he lost the weight he wanted to lose, but I don't really think this was a healthy way to do it. I think people want to not have to think, ya know? I think that maybe we're all so tired of all the conflicting messages about nutrition that we just want something simple. I think that's why folks use Slim-fast or the Subway diet or whatever - it lets you put your eating on autopilot. Which frankly is why I spend Sunday cooking food for the week and eat mostly all the same stuff Monday through Friday. I don't want planning meals to take over my life - food already has enough power thankyouverymuch.

I hope you had a nice weekend - I was pooped! I spent most of the weekend feeling tired & befuddled. I rested up, didn't do too terribly much. My weekend eating continues to improve!

Off to spin class tonight - I haven't taken a class with this lady. Hope she has good music and isn't too perky! :-)

Let’s recap

Exercise was very good with walking now up to 3 miles, and I went to the gym 3 times! Eating was also very good.

Last night I was tired, so I took the night off AND had snacks while watching a cheesy movie (Troy). But I got up and walked this morning and its right back to BAU.

I lost 2.6 pounds last week (my scale reads in 0.2 increments). Yes!

While I’m not feeling quite as “high” as I was Wednesday, I chalk it up to the fact that it’s the end of the week and I’m tired.

Tonight is housework, tomorrow is grocery shopping and sewing, Sunday is cooking and sewing. No worries – exercise will occur.

Have a great weekend!

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Can I take a moment to tell you how good I’m feeling? Eating healthy & exercising makes you feel good! Who knew??? :-)

Seriously, it’s true though. My evening routine makes my life sound about as exciting as that of a monk or something, but I’m enjoying the results. Go home, watch some “Star Trek” on the Spike network (what a silly name for a tv station), do a couple of chores, eat a little, go to the gym, come home, get cleaned up, eat a little & watch a little tv, go to bed. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Last night was my favorite spin instructor and boy was that a good class! Which was good because I went into the gym pretty mad! There is a 3 way stop right by the driveway to the gym. It was my turn to go, but this other lady went instead. While making a left turn and talking on her phone (NOT a hands free set), she still managed to flip me off! Like she wasn’t in the wrong! I was pissed! But I worked it all off in the gym. Heh.

I climb on the scale every morning, and every morning it shows a number just a tad lower than before. I expect it will level out over the weekend, but for right now the scale feels like a pretty cool toy. I haven’t lost enough to see it in the mirror, although I can feel it in my clothes a little bit.

The down side to this is that it has created a bit of anxiety for me about vacation. The beer is flowing, it’s primitive camping so my eating habits change quite a bit, and other than walking, there isn’t really any exercise. I hope all my shiny pretty new good habits don’t dry up faster than a rain puddle in the Mojave. I know I can practice moderation, but that can be tough when no one else is. Oh well, cross that bridge when I get there!

A bunch of different things

My grandma

Yesterday my mom called. She was halfway to the beach and my grandma's nursing home called her. My grandma had a slight bruise on her face and her lip was bleeding, so they sent her to the emergency room. (The result of living in a lawsuit happy society.) The only problem was that no one was with her and she has Alzheimer's. She could’ve been sitting there quietly or she could’ve been screaming and trying to escape the emergency room. Given that she has escaped once from a locked Alzheimer's unit, the emergency room should be a piece of cake. Mom's friend went to check on her, but if things got bad I would have spent my day sitting in the emergency room. I wouldn't mind a bit if it were necessary, but this is a regular occurrence and not only is the woman healthy as a horse, but she is also apparently made of rubber. I'm glad she's healthy - I just wish they'd quit sending her to the emergency room at the drop of a hat. When I called to check on her, the nurse said she didn’t know why they’d sent her there since it seemed obvious that my grandma had scratched her face and not fallen.

A blast from the past

Last week I got an email from a boy I went to school with for a couple of years – 9th and 10th grades. We stayed friends after school and kept in touch for a while even after he joined the Navy and I joined the Army, but gradually lost touch. No idea how he got my email, but we’ve emailed back & forth a couple of times. He is retired from the Navy and living up in Virginia. He was (and presumably still is) a nice guy, so this was a pleasant surprise and not “ohmygod, I can’t believe he tracked me down” kind of a thing.

Food

Not sure who the pod person is who seems to have taken over around here, but I’m not complaining! :-) Food has been excellent! I made the tastiest chick pea burgers to date for breakfasts this week – the only trouble is that they fall apart, so I have to adjust the binders. I used homemade bread crumbs instead of the kind in a can, and they didn’t work as well. Of course, they are much healthier.

Eating the same thing 2 (or even 3) nights in a row has made my life so much easier. The amount of cooking I am doing seems manageable! Also, on nights I go to the gym, I break my dinner up into 2 parts: I have a small serving of something before I leave and then have another small serving plus veggies when I get home. Because I am eating dinner so late, snacking after dinner isn’t happening.

Exercise

I have upped my morning walk to 3 miles and moved the alarm clock back 15 minutes. So far, so good on this. The big surprise is that I’m going to the gym! Monday I went to spin and yesterday I got up and walked and then went to a class called 30/30 last night. It was half an hour of cardio (spin, funnily enough) and then 30 minutes of body sculpting. We did lower body and it put a hurtin’ on me – I mean that in a good way. It was hard! I guess that’s the next best thing to lifting weights, which I’m still not doing. I slept in this morning – I’m not sore or anything but I needed the extra rest.

I am feeling fabulous! The only downer is that I am always the fattest chick in the class, which is tough. And my face gets all red & sweaty and I look like a big fat red sweaty blob and I want to cry but I remind myself that I don’t know these people so I don’t care what they think and at least I’m making progress so I need to just get over it. I’m just one of those girls who looks crappy when she works out no matter what my size. I used to think the same thing when I got home from PT in the Army and I was a size 6, so whatever.

My new crack

I finally broke down and tried the Altoids dark chocolate covered peppermints. They sounded weird to me, but boy were they a pleasant surprise! They are like a mini York peppermint patty, but with a hard inside instead of soft. And 2 only have 15 calories, so it’s the perfect thing when I want a taste of chocolate after lunch. My next door neighbor has the office candy bowl in his cube (which I can see from my desk!), and since I discovered the Altoids, the chocolate siren song has all but stopped. Sweet!

Overall, things are most excellent. I wish I didn’t feel so self conscious, but I doubt that will ever change so I’m just sucking it up.

Definite improvement

My eating was definitely better this weekend than it has been in a while. Not great – we had company and that means beer & junk around the house to tempt me. But certainly an improvement.

We worked on a lot of projects for vacation and took the boat out to the lake. The boy was at the beach, so we postponed Father’s Day until next weekend.

I am signed up for spin class tonight. I am feeling determined!

All the news that’s fit to print

Things here are going along pretty nicely – weight is down another half a pound, spin class last night was good, had a yummy dinner last night, some before spin (baked tomatoes) and the rest after (a small cup of vegetarian chili and a fruit smoothie). With fruit & veg consumption back up, I’m feeling better. I did elect to sleep in this morning – I was tired from spin!

Just puttering around working on stuff this weekend – I have 6 weekends left before vacation, so it’s time to bust a move!

Work is going well, the boy is having a nice summer (he’s heading to the beach this afternoon), and we finally got some rain last night! I tried watching that movie “Jumper”, but it was just weird so I went to bed. :-)

Things are going along well, I’m feeling happy. Hub started on the new job site (and as foreman!) yesterday. The real work starts Monday – these couple of days were just inventorying tools, reading the plans, that sort of thing. He so deserves this opportunity – it’s the culmination of 20 years of hard work in the construction industry. It’s taken him a while to find a company he really likes, but he has that now and I am so glad for him. I know this is a place he can stay until he’s ready to retire, or we move up to the reservation after I retire.

I’m feeling happy and grateful for all the good things in my life.

Catching Up

Things are going okay. Our team at work had team building yesterday – we went to a baseball game. It was fun, but really hot! So I was glad I hadn’t committed to spin class (I am signed up for tonight.) We went over to my mom’s house & had dinner over there, then the boy came home and spent the night. That meant he had to get up early to go back over to mom’s, but he had a new videogame he wanted to play with hub.

I am still walking in the mornings, doing mostly okay with eating. Last night I didn’t have anything after dinner. Yay! It’s hard – I would feel so much better if I lost just a few pounds. I hate feeling like a cow.

So, spin class twice a week, weights 3 times a week, and a morning walk. I may up the walk to 3 miles since it’s going so well. I keep reminding myself that every little bit helps.

The boy is going to the beach this weekend, so we decided to postpone our father’s Day celebration until the following weekend. He’ll be staying home and he & hub will be replacing the duct work under my mom’s house. How’s that for celebrating??

I haven’t tried riding the bus to work yet – but I am targeting next Tuesday. I took public transit all the time when I lived in Germany and never thought twice about it. Here it’s such a hassle! But still, I could save $50 a month by using the bus 4 days per week, not to mention saving the wear & tear on the car!

Our food bills get cut quite a bit in the summer since during the school year I feed the boy plus my mom eats at our place 3-4 days per week. During the summer it’s mostly just me & hub. So even though food prices are going up, ours are way down for right now. The changes I’ve made (buying local) haven’t really trimmed our food bills, but we are eating MUCH healthier. So it’s been worth the extra effort.

Here’s a typical day for me:

Breakfast: bean burger on half a whole wheat pita, “green” drink (spinach, frozen fruit, water)

Snack: fruit & nuts

Lunch: bean soup or casserole, big salad

Snack: peanut butter and prunes

Dinner: lentil soup, chili, spaghetti – something like that (no or minimal meat), sald or other veg.

After dinner: sometimes nothing, sometimes garbage – I continue to work on it!

The heat has backed off here a little, although the thunder storms never really panned out (sadly – we could use the rain). It’s back to the low 90s, which is better. It’s still hot when I get up to walk though. By the time I’m dressed and leaving the house for work, my face is still sweating slightly!

So, this weekend isn’t anything special. Just working on projects for the annual vacation, maybe having a friend over, and watching some movies from Netflix. Such excitement!

Better

We are supposed to be getting scattered thunderstorms over the next couple of days which should help lower the temperature and freaking humidity.

I slept like the dead for 8 solid hours last night.

I ate a healthy dinner, had a Blue Bunny low cal ice cream bar after, and that was it. No snacking after dinner. Go me! Now to do that a bazillion times in a row. :-)

I got up on time and had a great 2 mile walk. I’ve had some back pain (luckily the shin splints went away with the old shoes) so I am sticking to walking for right now.

I packed a healthy vegan breakfast and lunch. Yesterday I had a right sized lunch (300 calorie bowl of soup), but it was cream based – which left me with an upset stomach.

I have meals in place for the rest of the week, and something easy planned for Wednesday & Thursday so I can be sure to make it to spin class.

Misc.

Boy totally misbehaved at dinner last night and is grounded. Ugh.

It is hot as hades here – like, 100 with 65% humidity hot. Ugh.

After much nagging, the guys finally gave me my mother’s day gift – I just wanted my car cleaned out and new seat covers put on.

Eating was better this weekend, despite some mis-steps. Focus on the now. Also, go home and fix something for your breakfasts and lunches for this week.

I am very tired since I have been up since 12:30 due to insomnia – probably due to boy drama from dinner last night & subsequent stress eating. Ugh.

I hope to be more coherent tomorrow.

That was humbling

If I was in any denial about how much weight I’ve gained and fitness I’ve lost, last night’s spin class took care of it. Oh my god. I was hot. She wouldn’t put the fan on oscillate. I wanted to die.

I plan to start doing that twice a week.

Still here

Sorry about (once again) falling off the planet. I seem to be doing that a lot. My mom had outpatient surgery yesterday (she is doing fine), but I ended up spending the day at her house after I picked her up.

They had a little health screening booth at work yesterday. My cholesterol is much better since my doctor checked it in February, but my triglycerides are high. That just reinforces that I need to stick to eating healthy foods! I also found out that I can have it re-checked right here at work, so I am going to do a better job of eating healthy foods and not getting too de-railed on the weekend (like I did this past weekend.)

I continue to feel better and I am back to walking 2 miles every morning. I also signed up for a spin class for this evening, after crying to my husband last night that I’m “too fat” to go to the gym. My weight is headed back down. So baby steps for sure, but I am hoping to keep the momentum going.

I am also (once again) writing down what I eat to help with accountability. Yeah, I feel like I start over and over again, but as I always say: what’s the alternative?

Week in review

All in all, I have seen a lot of improvement this week. There have been times when I’ve been short tempered, but I have had a lot more motivation to do stuff in the evening, rather than just sitting. Last night I got out and took a walk! Eating has been better and I haven’t felt the need to comfort myself with food in the evenings.

I’ll be home putzing about the house this weekend. Hub is going to help me run the errands so I don’t feel overwhelmed by that.

All in all, things are going well.

Better choice?

I have been busting my behind an a presentation for my boss all day. By 3 I was pooped and totally craving a giant pretzel from the cafeteria. Instead I got a slice of sourdough with a light sprinkling of cheese. I figure that’s gotta be better than a huge dump of processed flour.

Things continue to improve. I did have an issue last night. I made my snack (my calories are portioned so I get a small snack after dinner), then sat down to eat it. The dip was totally mediocre. So what did I do? I ate it anyway, then sat there pissed off for an hour because I was denied a good snack! Why didn’t I just throw it away!?!? Which is what I did with the rest of the container when my husband said he didn’t like it either. I finally got up and fixed myself another snack! So, I had 2 snacks instead of one. It was like I gave myself a “do over”, unfortunately that didn’t negate the calories from snack one! Ugh!

Oh well, work in progress I guess.

Improvement

So, things here are getting better. I have more energy, I’ve been able to get up and walk in the mornings, my eating has improved… all in all I am feeling better.

The painful thing is to face the 20 pounds on top of the 15 I had gained. Ugh. I feel crappy. That weight is definitely affecting me, but I haven’t had the ability to take action. I am hoping that this is the moment that changes because, honestly? I’m tired of my body feeling like 5 pounds of poo shoved into a 3 pound bag.

Friday is the boy’s last day of school and then he is heading to the beach with his grandpa. Hurray!!! I plan to cook exactly 2 dinners next week, which the hub and I will eat off of all week. One will be chili – how easy is that? Without having to cook dinner every night, I will be free to go to the gym in the afternoon, maybe hit a spinning class if I’m in the mood, work on some of my craft projects… you get the idea.

I haven’t quite gotten everything on track, but things are heading in the right direction, which feels awesome. I can’t believe the difference a week makes.

No, I haven't abandoned this blog

Hi everyone (if I have any readers left!). Sorry I've been away so long. I've been dealing with some stuff - I am entering prei-menopause. Unfortunately, one of the side effects I am suffering is depression. I knew that, but I couldn't seem to marshal the inner resources to actually do anything about it. My husband basically ordered me to the doctor, which was a good thing. She put me back on the Welbutrin I was on 2.5 years ago. That time there were external reasons for my emotions, this time it is strictly an internal chemical situation. But Welbutrin worked well for me then, and it seems to be working well again this time. And now I am on a 24 hour pill versus 2 12 hour pills, so that is simpler.

Things had gotten pretty bad - I was using food (and beer) to self medicate, I'd stopped exercising, and my performance at work was suffering. Luckily, I was able to get help before there were any serious reprucussions - yeah, I slacked off at work for a bit, but I was still doing okay. I gained a few pounds and my fitness level declined, but that's alright - I am now in a frame of mind where I can deal with those things.

It's been a particularly rough couple of weeks, but it feels so good to be pulling out of that. This past weekend was my wedding anniversary - there are times my husband gets on my last nerve, but I wouldn't trade him for the world. This has shown me once again he truly meant that whole "for better or for worse" bit.

Anyway, I hope you understand why I wasn't comfortable posting this from my office computer! I may post from home more often so I can record here more of what is going on with this. Depression can have some of the same stigma as being overweight - it's seen (by some) as some sort of personal weakness or failure. The ironic thing is that I am highly successful in so many areas of my life that nothing could be farther from the truth! That's like saying that menopause is a character flaw - completely illogical. :-)

I started the medicine this past Saturday - I'm sure there may be some relief just from knowing that I'm not dealing with this burden alone. So many nights I sat in the living room with my husband thinking, "Can't he see something is wrong with me?!?!" And yet I couldn't open my mouth. I think it was sheer desperation that made me finally say something - and then just enough to get him to force me to act. But I'm glad I did.

This is my son's final week of school and then my schedule lightens up a bit (thank you retired grandparents!). So hopefully I will have a couple of months to recover, rest up a bit, and relax. I've already found I have a lot more energy and a desire to actually work on craft projects, as opposed to sitting in my chair like a lump.

It feels good to be getting back to the "old" me.

Earning her keep

Jordan (our terrier mix, or as my friend says, “Jack Russell terrorist”) certainly earned her keep last night. My son was in the back yard when Jordan started going nuts. Butchie went over and starting barking as well. Turns out she had found a copperhead! No one was hurt and my husband killed it, but that could’ve been bad. It was big enough it would’ve killed either of the little dogs and my son would’ve been rushed to the hospital. I’m glad she was on watch!

The good weather continues. I got up and walked both mornings this weekend – it was so nice. I had a bad headache yesterday morning, so I slept in. This morning I got up but had some cooking to do, hopefully I’ll be able to walk this evening.

Food continues to have its ups and downs. Mostly good, although I had a binge incident on Sunday evening after doing really well all weekend. Ugh.

I’m trying to focus on my overall health and the benefits of improved eating, but I just can’t seem to get excited about it. I am still having my breakfast shake with lettuce/ spinach/ sprouts. That plus a salad at lunch gets me a long way in my veggie consumption. So while I am still eating some things that aren’t very healthy (I was tired the other night and made tuna helper with peas added, for example), I am getting in a good quantity of fruit & veg.

I still haven’t turned on my air conditioner. I love the way the house smells when the windows are oopen.