ugh

Guess who backed out of signing the papers?  Ugh.  Back tomorrow.

I got nothing

Stressed.

Started watching "Grace and Frankie" on netflix.  It's pretty cute.  Work was okay, have some nice plans with friends for the weekend, plus some down time.  Just looking forward to getting this done.  Will report in tomorrow night.

Good night!

We shall see

The good:  Husband claims he will meet me Friday afternoon around 3 or 3:30.  We'll see if he actually signs the separation agreement.  Keep your fingers crossed for me.  So that could be good!

The "bad":  Cross Fit.  Okay, it wasn't bad, but it was HARD.  Very tough partner workout.

The ugly:  I think a while back I mentioned our good family friend (they used to live next door and I babysat for their son).  His wife is mom's best friend and he was a finance professor and my mentor in grad school.  He was diagnosed with cancer, which they treated.  It is back and it is everywhere.  The situation is just awful.  She came over to cry on mom's shoulder - I headed out early to the gym so they could talk.  I just feel so terrible.

Day was typical; ate my packed food, came home, went to the gym, ate supper.  Need to take a shower and pack my food for tomorrow.

That's all I got.

Anxiety

So, this week I am waiting with baited breath to see if my husband will actually sign the separation agreement on Friday.  Cross your fingers for me!

This week is okay.  It's hot, I went to Cross Fit and it was a sweatfest, but I loved it.  I need to go shower and pack my food before my 8 PM weight loss support group conference call.

I leave you with this thought:

Sunny Sunday

Good morning.  Got a great night of sleep last night, but for some reason I woke up at 6 and I was awake.  Ugh - my chance to sleep in, denied! :-O

I got up and went to the park for an early morning walk which was very nice.  I've been to Costco, almost finished with food prep, and mostly done with laundry.

The big activity for this afternoon is washing the dogs.  Jordan is pretty easy, but Mya hates getting a bath, and she's big, and very strong.  Luckily it isn't a frequent occurrence!

Yesterday I watched the documentary "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead 2" on netflix streaming.  I really enjoyed it and highly recommend it.

Not much else to say.  Looking forward to a low key day before I go back to work.  Have a good day!

Crazytown

So, about yesterday.  Hub called his mom and asked her to call my mom to see if my mom would meet him at the back Friday so he could sign the car over to me.  Uh, WTF!?!  So, why is he trying so hard to avoid me?  Anyway, I told him that he would need to meet me because I was the one who would be getting the car, not my mom.  Dumba$$.  And we could sign the separation agreement at the same time.

He made a few asinine statements, but so far seems amenable to this plan.  We shall see.

I don't understand why he is trying so hard to avoid me, I'm like, let's just get it done and move on, but he would rather delay & avoid.  What a coward.  Moving on....

Had an amazing Cross Fit workout this morning.  Here is what was written:

400 m run (with duffel bag)
30 push presses
400 m run (with duffel bag)
30 pull ups
400 m run (with duffel bag)
30 cleans
400 m run (with duffel bag)
30 pull ups
400 m run (with duffel bag)
30 push presses
400 m run (with duffel bag)

It was a partner workout so you only do half the exercises in between - we traded off with sets of 5.  Since I don't run we did a 300 m row instead.  It took us around 22 minutes.  Not too shabby, but boy was I whipped!  I was proud of th epace we were able to maintain and having a partner pushed me.

I came home & had a steak & tomato omelet.  I am going to take a shower and then start on chores - the usual cleaning, shopping, food prep, plus dog washing! :-)

Anyway, just needed to vent yesterday.  One trait about my ex that drove me nuts was the way he would do just about anything (including lie) in order to avoid something unpleasant.  I'm a rip off the bandage kinda girl.  I'd rather be done with it so I can move on.

Okay, have a great weekend!

Head exploded

So, my not soon enough ex is being a jerk.  Head explodes.  You left me, I gave you everything you asked for, what's up with your douchery???

The end.

Sleepy girl!

I have no idea who has been slipping me sleeping pills!  I have been SO tired lately.  I came home and took a nap (again today) then ate supper, then went to water aerobics.

I don't know why I've been so tired lately, but I've taken a nap every day after work.  I've done water aerobics twice, did Cross Fit last night, and plan to do Cross Fit again Friday and Saturday.

In any case, other than a small bag of chips (200 calories) that I gave in to at work today (it was my long day - 10 hours - and I was tired), food has been on plan and exercise has been really good.

Okay, my son is visiting so I'm gonna get off the computer.

Good night!

Wednesday

My reaction when a friend had to shut down her blog.  Most uncool.

My day was nice - had lunch with a good friend which was a treat.  Ate planned food, went to Cross Fit, then had a yummy dinner (salmon patties, baked fries, roasted okra).

I am very proud of myself! My feelings about Cross Fit have been mixed - I love the weight lifting part, but the conditioning work is pretty brutal and I dread it because I'm not in good condition.  Tonight's metcon included multiple 800 meter runs.  I asked how long to row as a substitute and did that instead.  I am proud of myself.  I didn't make excuses, just asked, rowed that distance instead, and moved on.  It was still very hard, but it didn't feel overwhelming.  So yay for sticking up for what is right for my body!

Ex is going to have to go in to the DMV and register the car.  I texted him and he said okay.  So done.  Moving on from that.

I hope you had a great day and enjoy your evening.  Take care!

I don't always want to feel my feelings

First of all, thank you so much for your kind comments.  You are right - my feelings are appropriate, and I am thankful I didn't buy a car with an accident I didn't know about!

Last night I came home, ate, and went to water aerobics.  Then I had a snack when I got home, watched an episode of "Eureka" and went to bed.

This morning I went online to update the registration for my car and my son's.  Mine was no issue.  Son's car is in my husband's name, and since he changed his address I couldn't do it online.  I was SO annoyed.  My feelings were out of proportion to what happened.  In any case, my son can go Friday and see if he can do it in person.  If not, ex will have to deal with it.  I sent him a text and let him know.  Ugh.

I'm resentful that for 13 years I supported him, made sure he had health insurance (and took car of himself), and now he is perfectly willing to leave us without health insurance.  And threaten to take half my retirement fund.  So when stuff like this morning happens, I get livid.  So yeah, I am angry and resentful.

There are times I really don't want to feel my feelings - they just feel like too much.  I just keep plugging away at the little issues, knowing that only time & distance will help.

I planned to go to Cross Fit, but I came home for a short nap and didn't wake up.  Dinner is eaten, food for tomorrow is packed.  So I guess today is a rest day.  Tomorrow is Cross Fit.

Take care!

Feeling my feelings

I am going to write this.  I don't want to blow it out of proportion, but this is how I am feeling and I want to write it down, partly so I can let it go.

I think I mentioned that a colleague was going to sell her car and buy a minivan. I was hoping to buy it - it's 1 year newer, has 25K less miles, and has cruise control (the main point).  Well, she traded it when she got a new car this weekend.  Turns out it had been in an accident before she bought it and that wasn't disclosed, so she didn't want to sell it to anyone.

I don't blame her, but I am disappointed.  And I am also feeling resentful that my ex went out and bought a car the day after he left me.  And I still have my old car.  My only complaint about my car is that it doesn't have cruise control.  Other than that I am happy.  And could I go buy a car?  Of course! But I am trying to be fiscally responsible since my contract is up in October and I don't know what I'll be doing after that.  And I don't know when my house is going to sell.

So, disappointed and resentful.  Eh, those are my feelings.  I'm not letting it ruin anything, nor have I turned to food.  I am going to read, have a nice dinner, and then go to water aerobics.

Take care.

Sunday

Last night I met up with 2 girlfriends for dinner and had a great time!  Today I am feeling MUCH better - still a tad sniffly, but nearly 100%.

More importantly, I am feeling a renewed sense of purpose.

I got up at 7 and began food prep for the day.  I've made 2 turkey casseroles, cooked my breakfast and lunch stuff as well as most of my son's.  I need to do my laundry and sweep my room. 

Mentally I feel much better today.

Food for the week:

Breakfast: salisbury steak made with ground turkey and green beans
Snack: hummus & carrots
Lunch: salad made with turkey, roasted zucchini, cucumber, tomato, and homemade vinegarette
Snack: fruit & 12 almonds
Dinner: various
Snack: 1 slice ultra thin rye & 3 pieces of salami

I hope you enjoy your day!

Get the funk out

I have really been in a funk, and then I got sick.  The last (month?) has just been ... blah.  I know that's normal and okay, I've basically kept my head above water, but that's about it.  I've gone to work and done the things I NEEDED to do, but that's about it.  There's just not much left over.  I know this won't be forever, and it's just a mood, not reality.  (Does that make sense?).  I'm getting out, connecting with friends, blah blah.  Things could be a lot better on the food & exercise front, but I haven't been ready to tackle that.  But .. I can feel that I am close to being ready again.

I haven't had a lot to say, honestly I haven't even had a lot of thoughts.  I just feel kinda like I'm swimming through an empty spot.  It just ... is. But things aren't bad either.  And you know what, they'll be good. :-)

Take care.

Sick :-(

I'm okay.  I have a summer cold and feel pretty miserable.  I called in sick, but then went in later.  I just got caught up from taking time off, I didn't want to all behind again.

Still hiding in a book. Not working out as I feel like poo.  On the plus side, I have NO appetite.

Top of the week

Good morning.

It was kind of a weird week.  I've been feeling "off" emotionally.  Dealing with the car accident stuff, frustrated by husband not signing the separation papers, etc. has just left me feeling wiped.  Went to Cross Fit twice, but other than that came home & crawled into a book.

Yesterday I spent the day with friends over in Raleigh which was a lot of fun.  Today is food prep and laundry - luckily food prep is fairly simple this week.

My goals for this week:
No beer.
Stick to planned food
Water aerobics twice
Cross Fit 3 times

I have a counseling appointment Tuesday.  I've decided it's going to be my last one.  It is difficult with my work schedule and with my weight loss support group, I don't feel like I need it.

I hope you have a terrific day.  Take care!

Just a quickie

Headed in to work in a minute.  Totally forgot to post last night.

I've been to Cross Fit the last 2 days (more about that later).  Tonight is water aerobics.  Food is doing okay, beer has been (re)banished.

Stress is nuts, but I'm hanging tough.

Lots of love & take care of yourself! :-)

Doing what works

I don't feel like writing it all down now, but I will say that I have no idea why my husband is being such a jack ass.  He left me, I agreed to his terms.  So what is his problem?  UGH.

I packed my food today, and stuck to it.  Work was busy since I took 2 days off before the holiday, but manageable.  Came home, ate a small snack, and went to Cross Fit.  Had an awesome workout!  Clean and jerks and behind the head strict presses, followed by the metabolic conditioning (metcon): 25 GFD situps, 5 250 M sprints on the rower (90 second rest between), and 25 more situps.

The GFD:

That machine is no joke!

Came home to a lovely shrimp dinner with tomatoes & feta over pasta.  Took a shower and now I am getting ready for my weight loss support call.  I may not have lost weight, but that call has helped keep me from seriously going off the rails.

Anyway, it was a good day, despite crazy man.

Take care - love you guys!

ps Did I mention we didn't have wifi at the cabin - hence no posting!

The weekend

The weekend was nice. It started with my soon to be ex showing up Thursday morning instead of Wednesday after work to dog sit (oh, and he is trying to charge me for taking care of the dogs), and then my coming home to a mess. And it is obvious he didn't really do what he was supposed to as far as the dogs. But the middle part was nice!

Oh, and he was spotted in Cracker Barrel with another woman.

Really.

Lots of thoughts

Last week I spent a lot of time thinking.  Not on the computer, just thinking.  I haven't made any sort of secret about the fact that I am really struggling right now.  Last week I really wanted to just give up.  Not sure what, but I was just kinda done with everything!

Lots of stupid stuff around a car accident (everyone okay, a girl ran a sign & clipped my son).  The parents don't have insurance, we're hoping they will pay up without being taken to court.  And my insurance was going to double even though it wasn't his fault (I switched companies).  It's just been stress, stress, stress.  Not important stuff, just aggravating.

And I'm just tired.  Hence all the thinking.  What it boils down to is this:  how do I want to live?  Not someday, today?  What do I want my life to look like?  What can I do to make now look like that?  if not in all the details, at least in the feelings?

I have a nice weekend visiting friends in Asheville Saturday, and then was sick all day yesterday (throwing up).  Yuck.  I am taking tonight off of exercise and today I stuck to small meals of bland food.   I feel better.

Wednesday we are leaving for Georgia for a long weekend.  I'll be taking my computer, but I don't know what the internet situation will be.

Weight is steady, so that's .. okay.  Not great, but not going in the wrong direction.  Mentally I think I'm going in the right direction, but I expect it will be quite a process.  

A nice day

I woke up motivated to tackle the guest room and work on moving my clothes into the newly cleaned out dresser.  I packed up all the stuff my husband left, took some clothes out of a tub in the guest room, and worked on organizing my sewing stuff in there.

I set aside some items to donate, packed up his things, took a tub of winter clothes and a box of books over to the storage unit.  The room looks SO much better!  It was a fair bit of work, but it's looked like a laundry explosion for a while, and that's the room my son stays in when he is here, so I really wanted to get it tackled!

I took the print I ordered to the shop to have it framed yesterday.  Today I've done laundry, swept, and worked on food prep for myself and my son.  So yes, another busy day, but it's also been a lot of fun hanging out with my mom & son.

I made sweet potato ricotta pancakes this morning and bacon, so that was a nice treat.  I hope you all enjoy your day!

My mom at the beach out at Edisto! :-)