When anxiety attacks

Yesterday I worked from home. It was nice - I took my car in for an oil change and on breaks put some things away etc., so the house is in better shape.

My son ended up driving back up here Tuesday after work (he took the week off!). He's helping mom with some stuff around her house. We met up and had dinner last night which was nice.

Work has been a strange blend of hectic (it's our busiest time of year) coupled with quiet since my boss is out, and folks have been taking time off throughout the week. Everything is very much not normal - which is both good and bad. (I thrive on routine).

I had a (mild) anxiety attack on the way to work this morning. I'm not sure if it was random (which is possible), or if it's possibly related to the trip to Disney in a couple of weeks. I'm wondering if it was triggered by T's BIL stopping by yesterday and discussing the trip.

Why would a trip to Disney lead to anxiety:

• While I know T's mother fairly well, I haven't spent a great deal of time with his sister or BIL. And his BIL's politics are pretty much the polar opposite of mine (to me, they veer off into wacky territory). 
• I don't do well with crowds.
• I don't do well in situations where I feel like I have no control (and this whole trip has been planned, regimented, booked, and reserved, right down to our designated "do your own thing" couple of breaks).

I am afraid I am going to get tired, overwhelmed, or just stressed and not feel like I have it in my power to do anything about it.

The trip is an anniversary trip for T's mom and his dad is footing the bill, so it's really all about his mom. Which is cool, but I am also nervous since so many things about this situation are pretty far out of my comfort zone.

Just needed to put that out there.

Take care.

And back to work!

I am back at work today. My son & his gf got here in time for a quick dinner before church Sunday (8 pm). It was really nice. Then we rode around a looked at some Christmas lights before T and I headed home.

Yesterday was really nice - the meal was nice, the gifts were nice, and I think overall a good time was had by all.

Now I'm back to work. I hope 2018 brings us all peace, health, and prosperity. :-)

p.s. My son is studying marine technology (i.e. all things about boats)! :-)

Happy Holidays

Here's an idea of helping to spark joy in your life: Reverse bucket list

And here are a few holiday movies I've been enjoying this year: A diva’s Christmas carol, The Spirit of Christmas, 12 Dates of Christmas, Get Santa, Pete's Christmas. And of course the usual classics.

T is off work today so I asked him to clean the house. He didn't sound very enthused, but I don't care. He is also going to make pate, which will make him happy. He loves to cook.

So, T's permanent teaching assistant job starts 8 January! No need to go through the agency or be on 120 days probation since he has been subbing with the school system over 120 days!! Not sure when his health benefits will kick in, but this is HUGE for us. I don't know how much I've written about it here: the school district has a contract with an agency for hiring it's exceptional children teachers and TAs. So they weren't sure how to work it all since he was already an employee, but this is the best outcome. So yay!

Hopefully we can get him off my insurance through work since it is costing a fortune and we will be able to figure out a budget and start making progress on our debt.

I'm happy to say that the year is ending on a high note for my family. Oh, did I mention my son got straight As this semester in college????? :-)

We have so many things to be thankful for this year. It has been a dark year in so many ways, I hope next year is brighter for us all.

It's coming quickly

Christmas seems to be sprinting toward us this year. I finally mailed my cards out, and we put the lights on the tree last night.  If Susie doesn't seem too interested, we'll put decorations up this weekend.

We saw "The Last Jedi" (loved it), I bought my last gift, and I finished making my son's wrench bag (I made a custom bag for his large wrenches).

All in all it was a productive weekend but I didn't overdo it. We got food prep done yesterday to set us up for success. Today is just walking & kettlebell swings. Maybe not the best workout but enough to count. I needed to work through lunch today.

It's going to be somewhat busy at work, but the team seems to be ending the year on a positive note, so that's good.

Take care.

Where did the week go?

Friday what!?!?!?

T got offered a full time job by the school system!!!!

It's nice to be loved

It's great to hear that someone loves you, it's even better (in my book) to be shown you are loved. Last night T made dinner, went to the gym, got air in my tires while I took a shower, then cleaned the kitchen. Lordie am I lucky.

Today I am going to put on big girl panties yet again and go to Wal-yuck for a couple of items. After THAT, the gym should be a piece of cake! LOL

Sunday we roasted a 15 pound turkey. I vacuum sealed some to send with my son after Christmas, but we are also using it for meals this week. Last night was turkey, tonight is turkey quesedillas, later in the week will be turkey & dumplings, and I'm tossing some in to my lima bean soup (don't judge me, I love it) for lunches. T started his month long substitute gig so I wanted something easy for us to work with to build dinners around. He is making salt & pepper tofu one night though - it is really excellent.

Assuming I survive my foray into retail he!!, I will be making my way to the gym for a session of HIIT. I am also doing some weights today in the form of 200 kettlebell swings.

Take care!

I did it

I went to the gym.

I did NOT want to go, but I put on my big girl panties and did a HIIT workout. I ate my packed lunch, and got my butt into the office.

All of these felt like nearly insurmountable obstacles for some reason today.

Sometimes I am ridiculous.

Jump in where you are (blogus interruptus)

I had typed in the title Friday when my boss came in - we decided to bail early due to the snow. We got more than expected, and because it was supposed to be above freezing, no one thought any would stick. The result was roads that hadn't been prepped, schools that were forced to dismiss early, and school systems that didn't regretting it when buses were in accidents.

It took T 2.5 hours to make a 30 minute drive - I had to go the same route plus some, so I am VERY glad that I left work at 1:30! I was home by 3 - he wasn't too sure when he would be getting home. Hwy 109 is a hilly 2 lane, and it was BAD.

Anyway, I posted that title to remind myself to just start now and not worry about where I wish I were.

Busy

This week has been hectic. I needed to work at home Monday, so I'm in the office today.  I've tried to peck away a bit at a time on the stupid long "to do" list. At lunch I went by the post office and picked up stamps and worked on the little newsletter (a short note and a couple of pictures) to go in with the holiday cards.

The dog trainer was a no show for a second week in a row, so we requested (and received) a refund for the class and will try again at a different location after the holidays.

Last night and tonight we are eating leftovers - thank goodness for leftovers! It keeps us from eating out or eating crap. Tomorrow is lasagna soup in the crock pot. It's a new recipe, so I hope it comes out well.

T has a job interview Friday - fingers crossed!

Take care.

Thanks

First, thanks Karen for reading and commenting! If you don't follow Karen's blog, she's lost weight and successfully maintained for several years now. It's worth reading a maintenance blog for many reasons - including the fact that it's nice to be reminded that long term weight loss is possible, and an honest look at the reality that it remains work. I think a lot of times people have unrealistic expectations about what happens when they lose weight.

The weekend was really good. No, we didn't get much Christmas decorating done. I did finish all 12 of the dog scarves! We deep cleaned the great room, did a bunch of laundry, went on a DATE, ran errands, and talked. And got some of the Christmas decorations up.

Like me, T is a worrier. Sometimes that's not good. But it is good when we can sit down and talk. I know he is worried about retirement, but he keeps moving forward. We are planning to sit down with a financial planner in the near future. I think knowledge helps curb fear, so sitting down with a pro and getting a plan in place will be helpful.

I really think I am going through menopause - I feel hormonal all the time. Ugh,

Take care!

Friday - better

This just seems to have been a rough week.  I've felt tired and really behind the curve as far as Christmas. The holiday is supposed to be about enjoying friends and family, but there is a lot of built in pressure.

My plan is to work on things this weekend, see what I get accomplished, and then adjust my schedule going forward as needed.

Despite the frustration with the health insurance thing, overall things are going well.  A lot of great stuff has happened this year, and the only large piece we need to fall into place is for T to find a full time job.

I just get so frustrated with myself.

Okay, have a god weekend!

Binge

A couple of days ago, Katie over at Runs for Cookies wrote this:

"During a binge, I felt okay because I just didn't care about anything in that moment. Afterward, however, I felt so much self-hatred for it. There was never a part about binge eating that actually made me HAPPY. It either numbed me or made me hate myself."

I have binged the past 2 days - for the first time in months. Cheese of course. I'm not sure why. I find this to be a troubling development that requires some serious reflection.

I'm okay, but concerned.

Take care.

Ugh

A half hour meeting ran nearly an hour over - didn't get to the gym at lunch.  T's healthcare cost is going up 480% next year. We can't speak French or I might consider fleeing to the great white North. Funny not funny. Ugh. Calgon take me away.

Thanksgiving Weekend Wrap-Up

Well hello!

I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving. We did. My son and I agreed that we had enjoyable days (and meals) but it wasn't the same as what we normally have. Having said that, I didn't spend hours cooking and cleaning! We took our pies, enjoyed our visit, and came home with no leftovers.

Saturday mom and Jan came over - they loved the dog scarves I made for them. We had a nice meal and did a bit of decorating - T was tired and ended up taking a nap!

Yesterday we deep cleaned the kitchen, to include emptying and cleaning the fridge and freezer. It was long overdue, and the kitchen looks much better. After that I worked on more dog scarves for the grandpuppies and T worked on the yard. By the time we sat down last night we were exhausted! I barely made it into the shower, and I finally gave up trying to watch my beloved Steelers - I only made it until halftime.

I got the trees & wreaths out of the barn. We aren't going to do any major decorating in the living room until we've done some deep cleaning in there. T isn't excited about the prospect, but agrees that it needs to be done. So that's on the agenda for next weekend. I guess it's weird to be doing "spring cleaning" in the winter, but it'll be nice to have it done.

I have a lot to say - about food & exercise, finances, Susie and her continued destructive habits, but I'm going to save those for later posts.

Take care.

Tday minus 1

Remarrying means melding family traditions into a way that works. We've both made some changes in how we celebrate the holidays compared to before we were together. For Thanksgiving, it has been simpler to simply let go of "my" family celebrating it in any way that looks traditional.

If I were to make the meal the way I've done in years past, I wouldn't have time to go to T's family holiday. And why? We have essentially the same meal at Christmas, my son won't be here, so why do all that work for just mom and ex-MIL?

Tomorrow morning I will get up and make the pumpkin pie (T is making apple) - that's what were bringing to the potluck. Easy, not a bunch of work, no leftovers. Then we'll watch football and I'll work on some of my sewing.

I had an adorable fabric I intended to use to make throw pillows for mom and Jan for their birthdays, but now I've misplaced the fabric so I am going to make little dog kerchiefs for them both instead. Here is one from Amazon very similar:

I am making a set for my grandpuppies as well, so pretty much dog scarves for everyone! Huzzah! Lol

Anyway, since their birthdays are both the week after Thanksgiving, they are coming over Saturday and we are celebrating that instead. And we'll decorate for Christmas. I have a strict "no Christmas until after Thanksgiving" rule, but I do love to start decorating the weekend after T-day.

I am in the office today - I came in for an afternoon meeting that was cancelled. BUT I'M NOT BITTER. Ahem.

Anyway, if I don't post tomorrow, have a lovely holiday.

Take care.

Oldies

I was reading through my blog (March of 2005) and came across this: “I am ready to just be a woman instead of the large woman. I am ready to be a triathlete instead of the fat chick doing a triathlon. I am ready to be a runner instead of the fat woman out jogging to lose weight.”

Yes.

Depression is hard

No, not mine. I'm not depressed, occasionally mildly stressed but that's about it. T has always struggled with depression, and being unemployed is difficult enough without that. Sometimes it makes him not the nicest person to be around. And sometimes I get frustrated (like today). For example, he's been talking about working in the yard for a couple of months, including today. But when I pressed him about it he got all pissy.  But he's out doing some of it, and it looks much nicer, and weather wise it's a good day to get out and get some fresh air. I know he will feel better for having made progress, but sometimes pushing him is a pain.

Thanks for the good words Karen. I think we all have times when we're "bleh" - that's okay. I'm less quick these days to try and fix or cover them up with food.

I'd like to leave you with a good article: What self care really means

Have a great weekend!

Blah

I am feeling pretty blah today. No specific reason, just general blah. Here is a picture from retrorenovation that I thought was adorable!

There is something about vintage holiday decor. I love holiday decor anyway, but vintage just feels extra homey to me.

Have a good weekend!!

Thursday

I feel like I oversnacked last night - by 300 or so calories. So not a lot but enough to stall progress. Ugh.

I'm okay, very busy day. Will squeeze in 120 kettlebell swings and call it good.

Wednesday

Happy Wednesday!

Obedience class went pretty well last night.  Susie was very nervous, but seemed to be settling down by the end. There were only 3 dogs in the class, so that is a very good thing! Even though we were both tired and weren't feeling it, I'm so glad we did this!

I went to the gym and did HIIT on the elliptical. 5 minute warm up, followed by 5 HIIT intervals (30 seconds all out, 90 seconds recovery), then 5 minutes cool down.  I had the resistance up and I went all out on those intervals, so even though it was only 20 minutes I feel like I got in a very good workout.

Food is fine:

B: 1/2 a wrap with 2 eggs, ultra think slice of cheddar, and a slice of spam.
S: yogurt
L: kim chi fried raice (1/4 c rice, mostly veggies), slaw, and roasted veggies with ranch
S: apple and boiled egg
D: leftover beef stroganoff and veggies

Not too much to say. Tired.

Take care.