Help, I’m trapped inside a country music song!

The last couple of days have been a string of unfortunate events. I made the mistake of walking yesterday, and left the office in excruciating pain. I asked for some data, finally got it, and it wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to get some info to my boss by Friday and I was very upset about that. He isn’t, but I sure was. Son’s dog faced puffer died this morning. Computer wouldn’t work when I got to the office. The IBM help desk does not work like the one in the commercial, and you know I had a binge when I got home last night.

Whew. Okay, pick myself up, dust myself off, and start where I am, right? I have reconciled myself to the fact that my ankle is sprained and I need to elevate, ice, use ibuprofen, and stay off it for a few days! So, no exercise for the Neca. Not the end of the world, but I was really fired up about getting back into it. Sigh. Other than last night, my eating habits are coming along fine. I think it kinda scared me though, I guess I thought maybe the stress eating was over, and last night reminded me that its not gone, just “in remission.”

Good stuff includes son’s birthday party this weekend, the nice weather outside, and a family that loves me. I mean, how many husbands would lovingly wipe the asphalt out of a crying wife’s gouged up hand? Or double bag the fish so he could be saved for a weekend funeral? Life’s pretty good, even though it can get frustrating.

Face, meet pavement

I woke up this morning at 5 with a song in my heart and a spring in my step. It was a nice 38 degrees outside, and I quickly dressed to go outside for a little jog. I made it 2 houses down the street when I tripped on the side of the pavement, wrenching my left ankle, giving myself road rash on both hands and one knee, and eating dirt. Lovely.

I limped home (crying) for my husband to doctor me up. My ankle is swollen but not discolored under the ace bandage. My right hand is sporting a combination of bandaids and that Nu-skin liquid bandage. So, no walk this morning, no walk at lunch. Hopefully with the aid of lifting gloves I will be able to lift weights this afternoon.

On the food front, things are going quite well. I had a healthy dinner of home made lentil soup and corn bread after sticking with my prepped food during the day. I have another good dinner planned tonight – roasted chicken, rice, and steamed broccoli – cauliflower - carrot medley. If I can get the food and the exercise to both come together, I’ll really feel on track. Giving up beer has been surprisingly easy.

I ordered a “Magic Bullet” off e-Bay this morning. It has blender and juicer attachments. I am tired of having to hand wash the blender every morning so I can make myself a protein smoothie. I am excited – I’m not much of one for kitchen gadgets, but this is one I’ve wanted ever since I first saw them on the infomercial.

I hope you have a good day!

A very long weekend

There was a lot of stuff crammed into this weekend for me, which isn’t necessarily a good thing.

One very nice thing was going to the spa with my mom and using her retirement gift gift certificate. We each got massages, sea salt body scrubs, & lunch. Very luxurious! I also got my nails done and they are looking good. Those little luxuries were nice. Another good thing was a fast 35 minute walk Saturday morning before the winter weather started. I really enjoyed being outside, and the weather was nice until about 10, when it cooled down quickly & began to snow. It didn’t stick, but was pretty coming down.

Ginger’s funeral was of course a bit sad. Since she had been declining for months and had begun to suffer, it wasn’t that horrid shock unexpected kind of death that can be so hard. The service was lovely. A large group of us went out after and visited & reminisced.

One unfortunate thing about the weekend was the number of times I ate out – every meal yesterday, dinner Friday, lunch and dinner Saturday. That was insane! Some times the choices were decent, other times not, but the overall result was I ate too much! But I never totally pigged out or over-ate, so that is a good thing.

I also managed to get the house cleaned and the groceries purchased, but it was hard to shove in around all the commitments. The funeral was in Wilmington, so we were gone from the house all day – 9 am to midnight. Ouch. My crazy week at work is looking relaxing! :-O

My food for the week is planned, purchased, and healthy. The menu looks like this:

B: protein shake
S: cottage cheese & berries w/ crushed macadamia nuts
L: turkey & cheese with tomato & spinach on rye, and a pear
S: lowfat string cheese and 100 calorie bag of microwave popcorn
D: various
S: pudding or shredded chicken quesadilla

I came in late last Friday and didn’t weigh, but I will do that this Friday.

Hope you all have a great day.

Chunky Monkey has a plan!

Rather than focusing on the scale right now, I am focusing on good behaviors. Beer has been out for 2 weeks. Next week begins in phase-out of what is threatening to become a major diet Pepsi habit. Next week also marks the return of morning walks/runs, winter be damned. I will continue this week's focus on limiting post-dinner snacks. Meals are planned and shopping with hopefully be done tonight.

It's 69 outside, but they are calling for wintry mix in the morning. How bizarre is that? I am slowly feeling my energy return - whatever crap I've had has been a real bear to shake!

Have a great weekend!

It’s always something

Things in my little corner of the world are bumbling along. We are headed to Wilmington Sunday for Ginger’s funeral, so I am planning to take a half day off tomorrow so I’m not trying to cram too many chores into too little time this weekend.

One the food front: I’ve been beer-free for about 2 weeks now. That has to be a good thing. I am working on my emotional eating and nighttime snacking, both of which are improving. Next week I plan to continue to work on the snacking and also look to cut back on diet soda. I am hoping that by cleaning up my food intake, the weight will eventually follow.

Exercise? Not so much. I may still have a sinus infection or something hanging on because I just still feel really low energy. To make matters worse, my schedule got a bit off track while I was sick and I’m not getting up early enough to jog in the mornings. I need to re-align my schedule this weekend. I have to see my doctor in a couple of weeks – if I’m still feeling draggy then I’ll talk to her.

House: We are talking about using part of my bonus money next month to remodel our hall bathroom, which is stuck in the 80s. It’s better than when I bought the house – the horrid linoleum is gone and I covered the mauve velvet roses wall paper, but it’s a little nondescript beige box. My son first proposed the idea, and hub and I agreed it would be a good investment in the home. But of course our vacuum died this morning, and with loads of carpet + 3 dogs, a good vacuum is a necessity. I am not willing to spend money I don’t have, especially since this is a nice to do, but not a necessity given that we don’t plan to sell for several years.

Overall, I give myself a “B”. Trying not to get discouraged by the stuck scale, and take pride in the accomplishments I am making.

Mid-week check-in

I had a nice day yesterday, although I did eat the chocolates the boss gave each of us. Thankfully there were only 4.

My friend Ginger passed away yesterday afternoon. The funeral is this Sunday. I’m glad it didn’t drag out a long time. I don’t know what else to say.

There’s plenty of stuff I could write about our 2nd bath remodel, exercise, my food plan for next week, but I’m afraid my heart isn’t in it today.

I’ll be back tomorrow.

Wow.

First off, thanks for your generous comments about Friday's post. I'd never seriously considered doing one of the events before - frankly fundraising isn't my strong suit. But after reading all the supportive comments, I feel about ready to take the plunge. I'll keep you all posted!

Ginger can't hear or speak - they are using a white board to communicate with her. The end is close, but she seems to be okay with that. She struggled through breast cancer, brain cancer, the treatment etc etc. She was a nurse at Duke and I know she got very good care - sometimes there is no "Lance Armstrong" ending.

Hub is sick with what I had last week, so we wound up staying home this weekend. We cleaned the house, prepped food for the week, had our moms over for a Valentine's dinner last night, and watched some tv.

Here is the intersting thing - I have been on this medicine since last Sunday, so just over a week. I know I have been sick, but I was okay this weekend. I haven't had a binge since I started it. Nope, not over the weekend. I ate some foods that aren't normally in my rotation - I bought a pint of lowfat ice cream and ate about a third of it - spread out over 3 days and 3 servings. I dunno - I just never had that panicky "I gotta soothe myself" feeling. I've lived with that so long that NOT feeling that way seems strange.

We went to the gym Saturday morning - I did one lower weight exercise for each body part - only 1 set. And 15 minutes on a treadmill. I was tired when I was done, so I was obviously still recovering this weekend.

We got some very pretty snow - just enough to make the grass white and its gone today. That's my kind of snow storm! :-)

Hope you all have a groovy day.

Stopped Cold

I got on the scale this morning and was up a pound. I was already formulating the rant in my head as I logged on my computer. A really good one all about how I have saved my size 8 jeans and if I had to choose between running a marathon and wearing those jeans, I’d pick the jeans. Then I checked my e-mail.

My friend Ginger was moved to Hospice yesterday. If you’ve been reading for over a year, you may remember that last January I attended the funeral of my friend Michelle who died of breast cancer. Looks like this February I’ll be attending another funeral, for another friend lost to breast cancer.

Suddenly the jeans don’t seem so important, and the $1800 I would have to raise to participate in the Avon 2 day walk this October doesn’t seem insurmountable.

Return of the living dead

I am back at the office today for the first time all week. Oh, I lasted 3.5 hours on Monday before slinking home. I have had what I can only describe as a "super cold" - cold symptoms plus fever, chills, & exhaustion. If I never eat Campbell's chicken noodle soup again, it'll be too soon.

Why didn’t I stock up on Sudafed?

Did you know that when the major retailers threatened to put Sudafed etc behind the pharmacy counter, Sudafed reacted by changing its formulation? Makes sense if you are trying to sell medicine, but the new stuff sure don’t work like the old. I should know. I am sick!

This is the first cold I’ve had in a while, but its been a doozy. The weekend started off good – Chinese take-out & beer while watching Stargate Friday night. Yes, that was our date. We agreed that from now on, we leave the house for dates. But still, it was fun.

Saturday I went to the store early since K0hl’s was having a bid early bird sale & I desperately needed some new bras. I came home & hub was going great guns on the housework. I pitched in & the house was clean when he left at 10. (It was his D&D weekend.) After that, I piddled around – ran a couple of errands, got my nails done etc. Dinner was a grilled chicken salad from McDs. I colored my hair, gave myself a pedicure, and watched Sci-Fi.

Sunday I got up early to do the shopping. I had felt a little tired on Saturday and Sunday I knew the cause – I had a cold. :-( I paced myself and took plenty of breaks, but thanks to getting the shopping done so early (I was home by 8:30), I had the pre-cooking for the week done by 1. I had eaten a Lean Cuisine pizza for breakfast, had a can of chicken soup at 11, and had another can at 2. After 1, I spent the day on the sofa. Luckily my mom brought over a quiche & the hub grilled shrimp & veggies to go with it. I wasn’t up to cooking by last night – that’s for sure!

I came in to the office to check email & pick up some work, and I plan to spend the rest of the day working from home. I am coughing a lot (despite the Robitussin), so I’m pretty tired. Plus I doubt my co-workers want my funk. I doubt I’ll make the gym today given that I feel pretty craptacular.

I made a great breakfast casserole this week! I had wanted to make the chile relleno casserole out of “Eating for Life”, but a) I couldn’t find whole canned chiles at W-M, b) it seemed like a lot of work, and c) it seemed not super healthy.

Here’s my version of chile relleno casserole:

3 cans diced green chiles
1 c cottage cheese (I know – but its useful!)
4 eggs
4 egg whites
4 oz. shredded lowfat monterey jack cheese (I used the kind with jalepenos)
2 chopped green onions.

Mix well. Bake in a Pam-ed baking dish at 350 for about 45 minutes, or until solid in the middle.

This was great! I had a side of grits since it needed a carb – the portion was really big!

My mommie is the best, and another use for cottage cheese!

I started having nasty cramps with a vengence yesterday, so the only exercise that happened was my lunchtime walk. Ugh. And we had mexican take-out yesterday. I had a cheeseless burrito meade with steak - not the best choice, but not the worst. But no beer! Still feeling craptacular today, but I'm gonna try to hit the gym this afternoon.

My mom retired last month and last week they gave her a retirement party (which she really didn't want). When they asked her what sort of gift she wanted, she told them a massage. (You'd want one too if you'd taught 8th grade for 30 years!). They gave her a $200 gift certificate to a local day spa! So she invited me to go with her! We are each getting a 45 minute massage, a body scrub, and lunch. Woo hoo! I can't wait! See how nice she is - she could have shared it with anyone, but she chose to share with me. :-)

Here's another cottage cheese idea for people who hate cottage cheese: when mixing up ranch dressing mix, use pureed cottage cheese in place of the mayo. What's in ff mayo anyway? CC has to healthier - and you don't even taste it. I'm impressed, both with the recipe and my own creativity! I gotta figure out a new snack though - cottage cheese & berries is getting old. Maybe a tuna patty?

Hanging in there!

Another decent food day yesterday. I had some pretzels and a faux beer after dinner, which would have been okay except I'd already had a fudgecicle... Right now I am too easily tempted to have trigger foods in the house. I plan to send the pretzels to the D&D game with hub if there are any left.

I went to the gym yesterday. I finished about 2/3 of my lower body workout - my legs are sore! I knew it had been long enough that I would regret doing the whole thing, so I didn't. I also walked at lunch. Today is walk at lunch plus intervals on the elliptical after work.

Hub will be gone to his D&D game this weekend. I often use this time to eat without being observed (A glutton in her native habitat as it were). Yeah. I WILL NOT DO THAT THIS WEEKEND!!!!!!!!

I know what I’m having for lunches next week!

I made a yum-o dinner last night! It’s from the “Eating for Life” cookbook. The recipe for shrimp scampi was fabulous! I still have this book out from the library - I will buy it eventually. Anyway, I will make that for lunches next week.

Food yesterday was fine. I hit the gym AND got up and walked this morning. My mood is lifting already.

Work is still very busy. My new boss seems to think I’m doing a good job. He pushes people to push themselves, if that makes any sense. I like it.

If you gonna talk the talk, at least try to walk the walk

A lot of different thoughts, so I’m just gonna number them & call it a post.

1. I am obviously a master of maintenance, coming in again last week at 155.5. Given this weekend, I hope I maintain again this week. Sigh. More on that later.

2. I am glad I never gave up on cottage cheese. It’s not that I like it or anything, but it’s such a great source of protein and is versatile. If I put a half cup with a half cup of mixed berries, cinnamon, and a packet of splenda it’s not bad. I made “pancakes” this morning – 3 egg whites, ½ c cottage cheese, ½ c oats, a dash each of cinnamon and vanilla, and a packet of splenda. Blend to make your batter & cook em up. Yum-o!

3. Hub & I talked Saturday. So much has been put on my shoulders – I told him how let down I felt when he didn’t pick up the boy so I could go to the gym. I’ve been working full time at a new job (which is much more demanding), doing boy duty, the shopping & cooking, and at least half the cleaning. How is that fair? He has agreed to take on more responsibility at home. Until the next time we have to have this conversation. Oh well, it’ll help for a while.

4. I am fat & I’m not happy about it. My body looks yucky.

5. We have to keep the trigger foods (beer, pretzels, crackers) out of the house for a while – with my stress levels as high as they are, it is waaaaay too easy to fall into a vat of food. Hub agreed.

6. We went on a date! We had an inexpensive but very good dinner at a Mediterranean deli, then hit a used book store, then B&N for a coffee & hub bought a book there. We got 3 movies & a CD at the used book store, and I scored 7 Star Trek books. Some women read romance novels – I read ST in much the same way – it’s a mindless diversion.

7. Other than the fact that I consumed too many calories, it was a good weekend. I’m trying to forgive myself but stay firm on making this a priority. The stress is tough, but I have to deal with it in a more productive way.

And the number one reason I don’t look like a fitness model…..

Yesterday morning, I asked my husband if he could pick up the boy so that I could go to the gym. No problem. He was helping a friend on a job, so his time was flexible. He gets there, and tells D he needs to leave in time to pick up the boy. I call after work – D wants him to work late and could I pick up the boy? Needless to say, I was super pissed off. He could easily have said “I’m sorry but I have to go” with no consequences – he was working yes, but doing a friend a favor by helping on this guy’s job.

I’m left feeling like I am always the bottom priority and any stranger that happens along is going to have their needs placed higher than mine. I’m getting teary just sitting here typing this – I’m so tired of feeling like I get exactly no support from my husband.

I could have salvaged a little something – I could have squeezed enough time to go do 20 minutes of HIIT on the treadmill. Instead I stopped by the grocery to pick up some bread to go with dinner. I guess I don’t have to tell you that I had 1.5 candy bars, plenty of that bread, and popcorn in addition to my healthy soup last night. And a couple of beers. I went to bed at 8, angry, depressed, and not even interested in looking at my husband.

So, let’s dissect this scenario for a minute. Yes, my husband acted like a total a$$ and was wrong. But I chose to react the way I did. That, coupled with a bad experience with an Amazon seller was enough to throw me over the top. I don’t handle a change in my plans well. So I reacted by eating Tokyo, and now feel remorseful and angry with myself this morning.


I mentioned briefly I was reading a book by Geneen Roth. For people with emotional eating issues, I highly recommend her books. Here are a couple of things she wrote I thought worth sharing. These quotes are from the book “When Food is Love.”

“Being able to move from apparent confidence to utter desolation in the time it takes a star to fall is one of the symptoms of being in an adult body and experiencing life through the shattered eggshell of childhood.”

“When you grow up believing that you are loved because of what you do, not who you are, your survival depends on doing the right thing. If you make one wrong move you believe you will die.”

“We eat the way we live. What we do with food, we do in our lives. Eating is a stage upon which we act out our beliefs about ourselves. As compulsive eaters, we use food to somatize our deepest fears, dreams, and convictions. Something is wrong when we find ourselves reeling into paroxysm of despair from eating a piece of garlic bread or three éclairs. Something is wrong when we feel we have to deprive ourselves of foods we love because we believe we would abuse them – or ourselves – if we allowed them in our lives. Something is wrong and we are using food to express it.”

So, to my question yesterday – if feeling healthy and exercising feels good, why don’t we do it? There is the answer. The part I struggle to figure out is how to change it.

I haven’t finished the book yet. I’m sure it will offer some insights, but overcome the behavior I must. Perhaps medication to level off those feelings, so I don’t go reeling into despair when I eat a candy bar or my husband lets me down will help. But to be healthy in body and spirit, I have to apply the understanding I have of what is at the heart of this behavior.

Hello hello hello.

Yesterday gets a B+. Food was good, although I had a NA beer and a sugar-free fudgecicle after dinner (100 calories total). Exercise was not quite as intense – I bailed on the gym and took advantage of the terrific weather to walk outside. I’ll hit the gym today.

I have nothing profound to say today. My MIL is over at my mom’s. She is applying for a job up in Va, which would be closer to the grandkids. We’ll see what happens. Hub’s work is up in the air again. He wasn’t getting enough hours with the company he was with – they were new & just didn’t have enough work coming in. Construction is just not stable employment.

I’d like to set some running goals – but for right now I know I just need to focus on getting back into a good routine and then I can work on adding to it. I did get up at 5:30 again, in spite of the fact that the alarm wasn’t set.

To recap, short term goals:

This week get up at 5:30. Next week get up at 5:15 and add an AM walk.
Drink 3 (32 oz) glasses of water at work daily.
Afternoon exercise.
100 calorie limit post dinner.

I know it isn’t the first time I’ve said it nor am I the only blogger to say it, but if doing the right things feels so good, why don’t we?

(Drum roll please) THE PLAN!!!!!

I am baby stepping my way back to a better place. Driving up to Ohio Friday afternoon, I realized how long it had been since I felt just… happy. Enjoying the sunshine & music, looking forward to visiting dear friends. That reality check prompted me to make some changes and some plans.

1. I spoke with my doctor and after a very good discussion, she prescribed Welbutrin to help me through some of the temporary stress (new job, MIL). She also prescribed making the gym a priority and date nights with my husband. You see why I love my doctor!

2. Building my base back up. This week I am getting up at 5:30 and using those 15 minutes to catch up on stuff around the house. I am getting in my water during the day, and going to the gym after work. Next week I will add in an AM walk. Food is planned and prepped for the week.

We had a nice visit with our friends, but they aren’t exactly the healthiest of eaters. Between road food & their house, not a single vegetable was consumed other than the lettuce on my Wendy’s chicken sandwich. Unless you think mashed potatoes (made with 3 sticks of butter!) should count! Uh, no.

Anyway, working hard to re-join the human race. I will keep posting.

Also reading a very good book "When Food is Love" by Geneen Roth. That's the book I would have written if I were articulate.

The tale of the scale

I don't believe I lost 3.5 pounds this week any more than I think I gained 3 the week before. I might as well confess that I weight 155.5 or no one will be able to follow the bouncing ball - even me.

I did okay last night - I did have 2 beers but didn't follow through with any munchies thankfully. Exercise is still spotty, but that will change after I get back from Ohio Sunday. I have some healthy meals planned for next week and its back to BFL.

This week has been tough, but I think a weekend away will help to revive me & hubby both.

Have a great weekend!

C is for Cookie

Recipe I wanted to share:

Chocolate oatmeal "cookies"

1/2 mashed banana
1 Tbsp peanut butter
1/3 c oatmeal
1 pkg diet swiss miss coccoa
1/4 tsp baking powder
1/2 scoop protein powder

Mix together. Form 6 cookies & bake 10 minutes at 300 degrees.

These were very good! They were a little dry. Things I will try:
Grind some of the oatmeal for a smoother texture.
Use 1 Tbsp coccoa powder and a packet of splenda instead of coccoa mix (cheaper)
Add a bit of applesauce if it’s still dry.

Foodwise, I’m still making good choices. I didn’t get to the gym yesterday – a walk was all that happened. I know I need more exercise, right now I’m just toast. I am FUD (fear, uncertainty, doubt) at work and FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) at home. (No, I didn’t make those up). One or the other is okay – both at once is tough. Work isn’t bad – just new. Even good stress is still stress. Sigh. But things are better than they were.

I plan to return to the gym next week. In the interim I will walk & try not to eat Tokyo.

Hey, thanks

Thanks for all the great comments. Bill's pancakes are on my "to try" list btw - they do sound good.

SIL called yesterday, basically to justify her position to MIL. My MIL realizes she needs help. I know she misses the grandkids, but right now that environment would not be very good for her and she knows it. Given that she plans to split her time between our house & my mom, it should be more tolerable as everyone will get a periodic break from one another.

No, I didn't get to the gym. I had to help unload the moving truck. Hub picked the boy up right after school so we would have his help too - it was an "all hands on deck" afternoon. I didn't bring my gym bag today either - I plan to take a walk. I think being outside for exercise will be more helpful given my mood.

Eating was okay yesterday. I had an O'Douls, a fudgecicle (suagr free), and a small serving of baked beans after dinner. But that's so much better than I've been doing lately that I consider it a victory.

I think we are still going to Ohio this weekend. Hub wants to. I do too, but I hate missing the gym. Not that I'm going much this week. But food & walking is a vast improvement.