Who do you want to be when you grow up?

I always hated the questions "What do you want to be when you grow up?" A car is a what, a person is a who. To use what is to imply that you are identifying yourself by an inanimate object.

Having cleared up the grammar, it's a question I've been thinking about. Not so much in relation to my job (that's a post for another day), but more in terms of my behaviors. "I want to be a person who...." It all comes back to being a person at peace with her self and her body.

Jack sent me a very throughful comment regarding yesterday's post, reminding me that anger isn't useful and encouraging me to look for the silver lining. My first response was "What silver lining? No way!" There is a hole in my heart, where a father's love for his daughter should be. But that was never filled, through no fault of mine.

But there is a silver lining. I have taken every parenting lesson my father taught me, turned it around, and used it on my son. For example, my dad used to always tell me how important fitness was - then I would be forced to sit, bored out of my mind, on the side of a tennis court while he played with a friend. So I asked my son to do a triathlon with me last year - not just wait while I finished it. My dad thought putting me down would motivate me - instead I try every day to build my son up. I let him know that he is a good son, that I love him, and that I enjoy spending time with him. I'm not saying everything my father did was wrong, but I'm trying to find something I can use in those negatives.

I hate times of hurt and introspection. I know they serve a purpose in life, but they aren't enjoyable. And I want to enjoy my life - I have so many wonderful people and things. I don't like the way sadness acts like novicane, numbing everything.

Food & exercise were fine yesterday. Today is WW. Walked this morning, will walk at lunch, weights this afternoon. Thank you goddess for Midol. :-)