Loving my lunch

I made this recipe for lunches this week:

http://fortheloveofcooking-recipes.blogspot.com/2009/01/greek-chicken-thighs.html

I did a few things different: I used an onion instead of shallots (cause that’s what I had) and I just put a lid on it and finished cooking it on the stove. I added the feta after I’d portioned it out into my containers, and I put in some whole wheat pasta. Delicious! I will definitely try more recipes from this web site!

Weekend

I had a really nice weekend. Hub got off work 2 hours early on Saturday. Breaking things up (shopping over 2 days, cooking over 2 days) meant that the pace seemed much more relaxed. Yesterday we sat down and had pancakes together. We went out to Panera Bread for lunch. We took time to talk. We rented a couple of movies to watch. The pace was really nice. Last night we sat & had popcorn & beer while watching “Trailer park of Terror”. It was just very nice.

This morning I got up and decided to walk. It was 33, and since we may get snow flurries today and tomorrow, I wanted to take advantage and walk while I could. It was very foggy, giving the world that soft, hushed feeling. I’ll do my yoga this afternoon.

Yoga is going to be a challenge. With walking, I’ve been able to see rapid improvement. With yoga, I’m very much at the baby food stage – I am amazingly inflexible! I’m struggling, which makes it hard to focus during the practice. I clearly have a ways to go. A long ways. I’m glad I have dvds to do at home – at least it will be a bit of a start before I start taking classes. That may sound backwards, but Bikram yoga is challenging! I’d like to get a little progress going before I begin. I am determined to stick with it. I think doing yoga yesterday morning helped to set a nice pace for the day, and I’d like to keep that going.

Have a good one!

The story so far

Overall, a very nice weekend thus far. Friday I was able to get to a couple of grocery stores, which made Saturday easier. Saturday after shopping I did a little bit of my cooking and my mom came over - she gave me a hand with dishes and I gave her a hand with making a jacket for her dog (he's a rat terrier and needs a jacket, but he's a weird size so she has a tough time finding anything for him). We had a good visit.

Having some of the cooking already done has made Sunday much more relaxed. This morning I got up, did yoga with my new Rodney Yee dvd, and then went for a walk outside. It may rain later, so I wanted to make sure I got that in. Yesterday I swung my kettlebell. I tried to do yoga, but I made the mistake of attempting to do it AFTER my kettlebell workout - which didn't work!

It's not quite lunch time and my cooking is mostly done. I'm going to sit down and work on my dresses while hub and I watch a movie. We may get snow in the next couple of days! At least it's warmer - this moring it was 33, which was higher than it ever got yesterday.

Discretion is the better part of valor (or something)

I had planned to get up and walk this morning. Given that the temperature this morning was 30 and tomorrow same time it will be 12, it seemed like I should take advantage of the weather.

Yesterday when I got home from work I took a nap for a half hour, and still managed go to bed at 9, so clearly I’m still battling this cold. I walked (indoors) yesterday at lunch, and plan to do the same today. But this morning I decided to just sleep in.

Not a lot to say – things are plugging along. Made a good dinner last night. Had a snack afterward – the store had my beloved “Faux Milwaukee” (the no alcohol beer) again, they’d been out for a couple of weeks and I was having to drink O’Douls. Gah.

The boy is going out of town with his grandpa and hub will be working on Saturday. I’m looking forward to a quiet weekend.

I’m a little concerned because the next weekend mom and I are going out of town. We’re headed to Georgia to visit my great aunt. We’ll be spending one night in Toccoa with a friend of my mom’s and the next night we’ll be staying in a hotel in LaGrange. I’m less worried about eating on the road that I am the evenings. I’m trying to think of something easy but satisfying I can pack for myself in case I want a snack in the evenings.

And I’m concerned because I have my nice little routine going and I’m afraid an out of town trip will knock me off kilter.

No answers, but I need a plan!

Testing my resolve

Sorry for not posting yesterday – I was home sick with a cold. I had a splitting headache, luckily by this morning that symptom had gone away. I still feel tired, but am generally on the mend.

I broke through the Sunday 2 pound gain and sent a half a pound along with it. Hurray!

It’s getting cold here in the next day or so – lows in the teens and highs in the low 30s. That means it’s time to put the new workout room (aka “guest bedroom”) to the test. Not sure if I’m up to the kettlebell yet – I’ll walk this afternoon and wait and see how I feel in the morning. Tomorrow may be warm enough to walk – it just depends on when this cold front moves in. I have cardio options that don’t involve going outside, but I haven’t bothered with any of them yet since the weather has (thus far) been bearable. That’s about to change!

I finished my book on “The Structure House Weight Loss Plan” – I highly recommend it. It’s not really a diet book – it’s more about changing your life to reduce your need to use food for non-nutritive reasons. Good stuff. In some ways it reminded me of the Happiness book I’m reading now – several overlaps. Which kinda makes sense if you think about it…..

Sing it with me, “Progress, Not Perfection”

This was one of those weekends where it feels like fate is conspiring against you. I was so looking forward to sewing Saturday afternoon. Friday night, hub was too tired to go with me to the grocery (I don’t like to go alone after dark). I woke up early Saturday and did the Friday night stuff before the usual Saturday stuff. This meant that 1) I would need to exercise later in the day and 2) I was running late. If I thought I was running late then, well, it was nothing compared with how late I was running after I locked the keys in the car!!! Yeah, one of those weekends.

Despite many (minor) annoyances, and not getting to spend my time as I wanted, I declare this weekend a success on a number of fronts.

1. I weighed myself every day, rather than being afraid of the scale.
2. I ate mindfully. I ate some things I consider ‘treats” (homemade pizza!), but ate healthy portions and used good quality ingredients.
3. I exercised every day.
4. When I found myself getting upset Sunday afternoon, I talked to my husband, told him what I needed/wanted, then went to the guest room to swing my kettlebell! When he came back to check on me, I had a huge smile on my face.
5. I spent quality time with my family, and I told them how much I enjoyed that time.

Did I overeat? Yes, after dinner Sunday. Does the scale show a gain? Yes, it was up 2 pounds this morning. Am I freaking out? No, I did many things well. Sunday could have easily been a disaster when I found myself getting upset. While I did overeat some, I also used exercise to deal with my frustration.

So, progress!

S.H.I.F. (So Happy It’s Friday)

When I got home yesterday, I just collapsed across my bed. I didn’t take a nap (I should have). I was that tired. Luckily, I went to bed early and slept really well. But I am very much looking forward to some down time this weekend.

My weight had drifted down a bit today. The irony is I weigh what I did last Friday. Lesson learned: It takes a week to undo a weekend’s poor choices. With that fresh in my memory, I’ll do better this weekend than I did last!

I’m walking at lunch (inside, it’s freezing!). Tonight I am doing part of my grocery shopping and maybe some yoga, but I’m not freaking out if I just go to bed.

Have a good weekend!

Progress of the invisible sort

Since I’ve gotten back into a regular exercise routine and gotten back to healthier eating, I’ve seen a number of improvements: the bloat I had constantly over the holidays is gone, I am sleeping better, my sinuses are clear, my heartburn is gone, my clothes are looser, I have more energy in the evenings. Sadly, the scale isn’t moving. That is what gets me so frustrated – when you do everything “right”, yet the scale won’t budge. And all these great things are going on, but I’m mad that I still get so peeved about the scale – like it’s so much more important than all those other improvements.

Gah! What a mind game weight loss is……

There is HUGE progress on the exercise front: just a couple of weeks ago I started out walking the “short” loop. One day I missed a morning walk, so I “doubled up” in the afternoon and walked the medium loop (which is roughly twice the distance of the small loop). It was tough, but I did it! I was so excited I called my husband. :-) I am now walking the medium loop regularly, sometimes more than once per day. And I am back to walking at lunch time with my walking partner here at work. So, I’ve gone from “zero” to “significant” on the exercise front!

This morning I did an abridged version of my already abbreviated kettlebell routine. I was still pretty stiff from the other day – I did enough to get those muscles firing and warmed up. I didn’t hurt myself, but if I’m still sore after 2 days, then I did a little too much. I just get so excited about weights – I’d forgotten how much I love the feeling of lifting weights. I also walked the medium loop – it was 35 degrees, so not too bad!

There’s been a lot of improvement on the food front as well. I am almost always consistent about preparing a healthy breakfast and lunch to bring to the office. That had slipped a bit over the holidays, but that is generally quite consistent. But I’d let the evening snacking and weekday beer creep back in – not good. Both affect my sleep. I now have a planned snack and a non-alcoholic beer. I feel much better in the evenings – and in the morning when I’ve gotten a good night’s sleep!

I just need to stay focused on all the positive improvements and how much better I’m feeling and have faith that the scale will follow.

It seemed like a good idea at the time

Today the cafeteria offered a “build your own soup” bar. Given that it’s January, a hot bowl of soup sounded yummy. So I planned to buy lunch today. I chose the tofu & veggie broth & all the veggies. The only problem was that I was starving less than 2 hours later! So that didn’t pan out so well. I went back after my dental appointment and got half a chicken salad sandwich on whole wheat. It’ll be just enough to tide me over to my afternoon snack.

Speaking of dentist, I was afraid I was going to have to have a root canal, but no! Turns out my gum had receded a teeny bit, but everything looks good – I just need to treat the area with some stuff to de-sensitize the area! Woot! Yay for not blowing all my dental benefits in January!

I slept in this morning. For one, I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t get back to sleep. Why does this happen??? For two, it was pouring. I took an extra long walk after lunch – outside even, which was nice. I really needed it because I was sore form that darn kettlebell! This afternoon I will either walk again, or at least do my stretch tape.

Hub is back to work after 5 days off – he is working 10 hour days, Wednesday through Saturday.

Well, I guess that’s about it for today. Back to work!

Rain, rain, thanks!

This morning, the alarm went off at 5. I hit snooze, turned over, hit it again for another 5 minutes, and then got out of bed at 5:15. It was raining really hard when I woke up this morning – and I’m glad! It was 45 degrees, and if it hadn’t been raining, I would definitely have taken advantage of the warm weather to get outside and walk. But since I couldn’t I had to work out inside!

See, when I got the kettlebell workout dvd for Christmas, I sat down and previewed it, so I would know what to expect. But I hadn’t done it yet. Since I had no other option, I did it this morning. (Hey, use whatever works!)

The dvd has an intro section which shows the various exercises, a warm-up, 3 circuits, and a short cool down. I walked through the intro (which I won’t need to do again), the warm-up, and did most of circuit 1. After today, I should be able to do the warm-up and the entire circuit 1. It doesn’t sound very hard, but kettlebells are an extremely intense workout. Add to that 1) I’m out of shape and 2) last time I overdid it with the kettlebells and really hurt my back – and I don’t want a repeat of that.

After the kettlebell dvd, I put in a stretch vcr tape and did most of that (until it was time for me to get ready for work). I need to go ahead & get out of bed at 5 in order to finish the stretch tape. Or next time I might do one of the 20 minute workouts on my yoga dvd.

My muscles feel like they got in a good workout, hopefully I won’t be too sore.

A little bit of gratitude

Yesterday morning, hub and I got up and walked the dogs together (except the chihuahua, who indicated that she preferred to stay home). We hadn't done that in a long time, and I really enjoyed it.

My husband made a delicious dinner on the grill last night - steak, chicken, shrimp, and scallops. That man can sure grill. And all I had to do was make a salad & bake potatoes! :-)

This morning it was 51 degrees! Hey, it's not lasting, but I'll take it! I got up and walked, and enjoyed it. And I walked at lunch with my friend - I missed her over the holidays!

I'm excited about yoga, but also a little scared. I have a stretch tape, and a basic yoga dvd. I think I'll do the stretch for a couple of weeks, then do the yoga for a couple of weeks - hopefully that will help me prepare.

Hey, if I learned to like cottage cheese and oatmeal, I can learn to like yoga! And honestly, I'm gettign to an age where I realize how important this kind of stuff is - I sit on my butt all day. Use it or lose it!

Hope you have a good day!

A very nice day

First, thanks for the kinds comments. I knew if I didn't write it down, I'd "hit the fridge" (Which I didn't!)

It ended up being a very nice weekend. We got a lot of things done - the Christmas is down, the house is cleaned, the cars are serviced. I have to say, the best thing that got accomplished was that I made time to sit & talk with my husband.

I mentioned I've been reading a book on happiness. I've realized a couple of things: in 2006, I put on some weight due to stress (that was the last time MIL got fired & she moved in with my mom, I started a new job, hub's business was uneven). Then in 2007 I gained even more weight. That was the year he began working those crazy hours.

The weight isn't the point - it's just a physical symptom. I realized that at some point I fell off my own list of priorities. Forget about doing things that made me happy - things I felt passionate about. I wasn't even taking care of myself! My well was dry and I never filled it. I just became more miserable, but kept doing the same thing, over & over.

No wonder I had a bad attitutde - I spent 2008 being punished - by me! I feel like I'm beginning to get a bit of perspective- like I haven't been noticing and I've finally popped my head up for a look around!

Anyway, when we talked today, hub was totally supportive. He wants to help me make more time for me, and spend more time doing things I enjoy. It felt so good to say those things out loud and have him be positive about what I felt I needed to do.

I wish I'd realized earlier what was going on, but better late than never.

Frustration

I hate it when a plan goes awry. I had 2 goals for today: take down the Christmas decorations and get the grocery shopping done. I sit at home with no car (it's getting an oil change) and the boxes for the decorations weren't taken down before hub took off to pick up the boy - he wanted to go to the Alltel store TODAY because his phone was messed up, and hub said okay before consulting with me.

Anyway, I'm feeling frustrated. I've taken a walk, taken a bath, and generally tried to stay out of the fridge. I took a day off work go get stuff done and now I feel it was a total waste.

Resolutions

Happy New Year! I think resolutions get a bad rap - yeah, a lot of folks set unrealistic goals without taking any time to think about how they intend to achieve them, then get frustrated, quit, claim resolutions don't work, and cease making any.

A goal without a plan isn't a goal - it's a wish. As in "I wish I had a million dollars". When you start thinking about how you are going to get/accomplish something, then you begin to understand what resources it's gonna take to achieve it. Then you can set priorities. Then you're getting somewhere! Your wish/fantasy/dream is becoming a goal.

My initial thought on the close of 2008 was "thank goodness." Honestly, it felt like a crappy year. But when I look back, it wasn't crappy. What was crappy was my attitude. My husband and I remain employed, our family is healthy and intact, we've made strides on some goals 1: being greener 2: being debt free. We have an emergency fund. Our marriage is closer because we are communicating about money and making plans together far more effectively than we ever have. My son has adjusted wonderfully to public school.

Sure, some things haven't been optimal: my fitness level has declined, the economy stinks, my MIL lost her job, the boy's grandpa moved away and he won't be able to see him weekly any longer. Some of those I can control, some I can't. What I can do is control my reactions. I feel better about the economy knowing we end the year with less debt, fewer bills, and more money in the bank. I have a plan to improve my physical fitness, which I acted on immediately, rather than waiting for some artificial start line. Why wait for the new year when this is for the rest of my life?

Let's face it: I borrow trouble. I'm not a negative "oh no, my glass is half empty" person. I'm a "Yeah, my glass is half full but something is gonna come along and shatter that glass any minute" kind of person. I worry, I fret, I create scenarios. Being prepared is good, borrowing trouble is bad.

If I could only list 1 resolution for 2009, it would be this: "I resolve to improve my attitude." Think about the benefits - better relationships, more happiness and enjoyment at work and home, less stress, better emotional AND PHYSICAL well being.

This isn't some abstract dream - I've already begun to take action. In 2008 I signed up for an online course called "Awakening Joy" (which I never did - of course!). Well, I went and downloaded the materials and I began to read a book that was recommended reading. (Which I had ordered way back when and never opened!). I am walking. I switched back to the no-alcohol beer - fewer calories and better sleep!

Let me tell you a story. As you know, we scaled back for Christmas this year. I got one gift from hub, and several small things from my mom. One was a necklace she had, which she gave to me because she thought I could wear it with work clothes and she didn't wear it often. I didn't take my stuff out of the living room, and when the guys cleaned up, they threw it away. The trash was picked up yesterday.

I looked, I called my mom in case she'd taken it home in some of her stuff by mistake. I even called the hub (in tears) while he was at work. When he got home I'm sure he expected to find an angry, emotional, upset wife. Instead, he came home to dinner almost ready and some hot miso soup (he'd been working outside and was frozen). He asked a couple of questions about whether I'd looked certian places and if I had found it.

I decided there was no point in getting angry or upset with or at him. What would it accomplish? The necklace is gone. Yes it was very nice, but it wasn't expensive, it wasn't a family heirloom, and we can't get it back. Let it go.

I know I won't become like the Dalai Lama overnight. But I can do a better job of thinking and consciously choosing my reactions.

Instead of that negative feedback loop I mentioned a few posts ago, I want to create a positive feedback loop where thinking and choosing what is good for me leads to feeling better emotionally and physically.

Happy New Year.

What I'm thinking about

I like blogs - and blogging. I have blogs I've read for years - these people feel like part of my community. I appreciate the way blogging allows us to share our thoughts and ideas without anyone interjecting a "me too" or funny story, derailing our train of thought. My blog hasn't had a lot of that for a while, but maybe that will change. :-)

For Valentine's Day, hub and I are getting back to an idea we had a few years ago. Remember the year I gave him a Bikram yoga pass and he gave me a slot for a running clinic with Jeff Galloway? We're saving up and for this upcoming Valentine's day I'm getting a Bikram pass and he is getting a tune-up for his road bike.

It may seem odd that we're spending more on Valentine's gifts than we did at Christmas! But this is a gift from the heart - a gift that says "I love you and I want you to be healthy." It's an investment in ourselves. I can't think of anything more romantic than that.

It was 45 degrees this morning (the cold is moving in today, sadly). I wanted to sleep in, but "mean dog" (aka "the jack russell terrorist", aka "Jordan") decided otherwise. She crawled up from her position as my foot warmer and began licking my neck until I got up in self defense. I also walked yesterday afternoon. Everything looks so different in the daylight. ;-)

As I said, when I got home from work yesterday I took a walk. After that I previewed the kettlebell workout dvd I got from my mom. The instructor has a section where she reviews the main exercises - most I did in the kettlebell class I took that time, but there were a couple of new ones. The workout itself consists of a warm-up, followed by 3 different circuits of 10 or so minutes each. I know that doesn't sound like much, but kettlebells are intense!

The nice thing about it being in chunks like that is that I can start with just a little bit. Last time I overdid it on the first workout and wound up really hurting my back. I don't want a repeat! I think this is going to work very well. I'll have enough time in the AM to do kettlebells and take a short walk if I want to get outside (when the weather is warmer).

Hub is going back to the gym this weekend, and the boy will join him when he gets back in town (he went back to Wilmington with his grandpa for a few more days. I don't think he'll get back down there until spring break, which is gonna get hard for him).

I'm still feeling kinda ambivalent about the gym - sometimes I am excited about it, but not right now. I'll get my weights with the kettlebells and while I like using the elliptical, right now driving to use the "hamster wheel" doesn't appeal.

Around here we probably have another 10-12 weeks of cold weather, so I may change my mind.

I made a really good dinner last night - soem baked chicken (I pounded until then, then lightly breaded with homemade seasoned bread crumbs and baked), pasta with vodka sauce, and salad. We ate by candlelight, and I had some nice relaxing music. And no one fell asleep at the table!!!

Tonight is a chicken spagetti recipe and salad. No one is staying up until midnight.

Happy New Year!

Nom nom nom

Prepping my breakfasts and lunches on Sunday is paying off handsomely. For one, since very few people are working the choices in the cafeteria stink. And for two, it's been yummy, satisfying food. After all the rich foods over the holidays, it feels great to be eating some lighter, more veggie-laden stuff.

It wasn't as warm this morning, but I still got up and walked around the neighborhood. It felt really good!

Things that make you go "Hmmmm".

If you'll recall, I was recently contacted by an old friend from junior high. It went something like this:

1. I receive email. We exchange pleasantries.
2. We establish that his marriage recently blew up and that mine is great.
3. He stops emailing me.

So this morning when I check my email, I notice that I received an invite to "link" to someone on LinkedIn (it's sorta like facebook for professionals). Now, I set up the account months ago when a friend invited me, and a few other friends have offered to "link" to me, but I pretty much haven't bothered with it.

So this morning I get a notice that my ex-fiancee wants to "link" to me. Hmmm. Now, this is someone I knew for over a decade. Someone who, in the end, ended our friendship because it was too painful. I can understand and respect that. Sometimes there is just too much water under the bridge, you know? But, why is he contacting me now? He has no other "links" - did he join just to link to me? Where has he been looking for me? Has he (or anyone else) found this blog?

The whole thing is ... weird.

In other news, we had a nice holiday here and I hope you did as well. The weekend seemed awfully short. :-( It was unseasonably warm here, I got up this morning and walked. It was nice. I prepped my breakfast and lunch foods yesterday, so packing my lunch & breakfast was a pretty painless process today. It feels good to be eating more normal foods - I've been acting like gravy is a beverage for a couple of days. *lol*

Take care!

A little bit of venting

Yeah, yesterday’s post was a bit emotional. Hub and I did talk a bit this morning. I know it sounds odd, but sometimes difficult conversations are easier for us to have via phone. The good news is that we are both frustrated, together.

If you were to make a budget, it would probably look something like this:

1. Necessities (housing, food, heat, medicine)
2. Other bills (credit cards & other unsecured debt)
3. Other stuff

If my MIL had a budget (which will never happen), it would look like this:

1. Buy unnecessary crap from Fingerhut/Wal-Rip.
2. Bills
3. Food & medicine
4. Taking the dog to the vet, heart worm medicine

You get the general idea. MIL has always had her priorities completely screwed up. Add to that the fact that she is stuck in low paying jobs and that she is a compulsive shopper/hoarder (so was her mother), and the result is disaster. Hub doesn’t want her to lose the storage unit because it contains family heirlooms – nothing of monetary value, mostly letters and pictures and stuff that she has been hoarding from the rest of the family. Obviously he doesn’t want those things lost, and there’s no guarantee she’ll stay current on the rent.

Here she is, giving my mom a sob story about how she has to choose between food and medicine, but there’s loads of stuff that she’s bought since the last time we moved her! Add to that the fact that my mom is paying for her dog to go to the vet, and when my mom offered to take everyone out to dinner at the cafeteria last night, MIL wanted to know if they could go to Mimi’s instead (uh, yeah, at 3 times the cost!). And do you think she has ever said thank you to anyone for taking her out for a meal – ever? Of course not, because she is owed these things. We’re stuck cleaning up her mess, while she continues to make more mess, oblivious. She is the most self centered, self absorbed person I have ever met. She's never spent money on her kids (she didn't bother to raise them), but she believes that she is owed whatever she wants.

It’s very frustrating, but at least hub and I are frustrated together.

Sorta sucky update

My weekend was fine. I stayed home and did stuff around the house, hub worked. Today he went up to Durham to help out his mom. Not only did she get fired, but her boss is keeping her $500 security deposit (even though the apartment is spotless) just to fuck her over. So now she has no money, including no money for medicine. Which means we're giving her money. So, it was us he screwed over. Hub is calling his brother to see if he can help out.

It will always be something with her. She gets these shitty jobs with the crappy employers and ends up getting screwed pretty much every time. (Get me to tell you about the time she was robbed and the security equipment was broken only they were too cheap to fix it and they tried to force her to not file a report with the police). Nice, huh?

She has been a victim her whole life and that will never change. She will never save a dime or do anything to lift a finger to take care of herself and that will never change. She didn't raise her own children (she left that to her parents), but she expects them to take care of her. And that will never change. This is what I married into and I don't know how to deal with it.

Feelings (whoa whoa whoa)

Yesterday was a very emotional day. I reacted as a mature, responsible adult: I had cheese dip and beer for dinner. :-(

I didn't get the job I applied for in the other department. That is for the best. I'd heard some things from a friend that reports to the guy that made me realize I'd be miserable working for him. Of course, my feelings are hurt a little bit, but I'm okay with it. What got me was how I found out: our department was called together to announce one of my collegues got the job. In other words, he never even bothered to contact the people that didn't get the job. Nice huh? Our general procedure is that you let the rejects know first, then announce who got it. But this guy is clearly not one to bother with such niceities.

This does help me though - our 2 teams do the same work - we're just 2 teams due to the number of people. So, opening up that job means that between our two teams, we have 3 open positions now. That really will help us going into the next round of layoffs. I have heard they are doing them the first week of January. Ugh. Stress again.

The other (worse news) is that my MIL got fired from her job. NC is a "will to work" state - meaning, you can get fired with no notice for no reason. She was given a week to get out of her apartment (she lives on the property, she manages a storage rental facility). Apparently, the boss wants to give the job (and apartment) to the out of town girlfriend. He told Jan that a couple of customers had complained about her, but wouldn't say who or about what.

She is moving back up to DC (which she'd planned to do anyway) to be closer to the grandkids. She'll be staying with a friend for a while and my mom will be taking care of her dog. I'm sure she'll qualify for unemployment, but that takes a while to kick in. Hub asked if we could pay for her storage space (the boss is giving her a good deal on a space to store her stuff until she has a place of her own up north).

Here's my issue with that: my MIL is terrible with money. Remember when she was living with my mom? Instead of saving her income tax return ($500) for a down payment on a apartment, she spent it on clothes at Wal-Mart and we had to pay her down payment to get her out of my mom's house? Uh, yeah. Once she gets her unemployment, she'll use it to go buy crap. So why are we using our hard earned money to support her bad behaviour? If she really needed it, yes, I would help. But I'm not convinced she'll need it. But this is very hard to discuss with my husband, because how do you say those things? Well, I just said them.

I'm not sure how we come up with a compromise that doesn't leave either of us feeling resentful, but we've got to try. His mother is never going to be able to live on her social security, so this is going to be a problem for a long time to come. Her health isn't all that great, so I don't know how long she'll be able to work. Not trying to borrow worry, but I know that the decisions we make now are precedents for how we deal with her in the future.

Anyway, it was a very emotional day and I didn't handle it well. Oh well. You win some, you lose some. I just feel like I've been losing a lot lately I guess.

I still have many things to be grateful for, so I'm trying to keep perspective.