Resolutions

Happy New Year! I think resolutions get a bad rap - yeah, a lot of folks set unrealistic goals without taking any time to think about how they intend to achieve them, then get frustrated, quit, claim resolutions don't work, and cease making any.

A goal without a plan isn't a goal - it's a wish. As in "I wish I had a million dollars". When you start thinking about how you are going to get/accomplish something, then you begin to understand what resources it's gonna take to achieve it. Then you can set priorities. Then you're getting somewhere! Your wish/fantasy/dream is becoming a goal.

My initial thought on the close of 2008 was "thank goodness." Honestly, it felt like a crappy year. But when I look back, it wasn't crappy. What was crappy was my attitude. My husband and I remain employed, our family is healthy and intact, we've made strides on some goals 1: being greener 2: being debt free. We have an emergency fund. Our marriage is closer because we are communicating about money and making plans together far more effectively than we ever have. My son has adjusted wonderfully to public school.

Sure, some things haven't been optimal: my fitness level has declined, the economy stinks, my MIL lost her job, the boy's grandpa moved away and he won't be able to see him weekly any longer. Some of those I can control, some I can't. What I can do is control my reactions. I feel better about the economy knowing we end the year with less debt, fewer bills, and more money in the bank. I have a plan to improve my physical fitness, which I acted on immediately, rather than waiting for some artificial start line. Why wait for the new year when this is for the rest of my life?

Let's face it: I borrow trouble. I'm not a negative "oh no, my glass is half empty" person. I'm a "Yeah, my glass is half full but something is gonna come along and shatter that glass any minute" kind of person. I worry, I fret, I create scenarios. Being prepared is good, borrowing trouble is bad.

If I could only list 1 resolution for 2009, it would be this: "I resolve to improve my attitude." Think about the benefits - better relationships, more happiness and enjoyment at work and home, less stress, better emotional AND PHYSICAL well being.

This isn't some abstract dream - I've already begun to take action. In 2008 I signed up for an online course called "Awakening Joy" (which I never did - of course!). Well, I went and downloaded the materials and I began to read a book that was recommended reading. (Which I had ordered way back when and never opened!). I am walking. I switched back to the no-alcohol beer - fewer calories and better sleep!

Let me tell you a story. As you know, we scaled back for Christmas this year. I got one gift from hub, and several small things from my mom. One was a necklace she had, which she gave to me because she thought I could wear it with work clothes and she didn't wear it often. I didn't take my stuff out of the living room, and when the guys cleaned up, they threw it away. The trash was picked up yesterday.

I looked, I called my mom in case she'd taken it home in some of her stuff by mistake. I even called the hub (in tears) while he was at work. When he got home I'm sure he expected to find an angry, emotional, upset wife. Instead, he came home to dinner almost ready and some hot miso soup (he'd been working outside and was frozen). He asked a couple of questions about whether I'd looked certian places and if I had found it.

I decided there was no point in getting angry or upset with or at him. What would it accomplish? The necklace is gone. Yes it was very nice, but it wasn't expensive, it wasn't a family heirloom, and we can't get it back. Let it go.

I know I won't become like the Dalai Lama overnight. But I can do a better job of thinking and consciously choosing my reactions.

Instead of that negative feedback loop I mentioned a few posts ago, I want to create a positive feedback loop where thinking and choosing what is good for me leads to feeling better emotionally and physically.

Happy New Year.